


Touched

by ScorpioInk



Series: Side Quests [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: AU Mass effect, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BDSM, Biotic Shepard (Mass Effect), Bondage, Break Up, Character Death, Depression, Earthborn (Mass Effect), Hand Jobs, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mass Effect AU, Misuse of Biotics, Neglect, Oral Sex, Past Drug Addiction, Past Sexual Abuse, Rope Bondage, Suicidal Thoughts, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2020-10-01 22:08:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 77
Words: 256,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20420810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioInk/pseuds/ScorpioInk
Summary: James knows what he wants, and he knows it's nothing like what he expected.





	1. I think I know what I want

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I'm not an author, I just play one online. I haven't written anything in the way of fan fiction for something like seven years. I really...don't know what I'm doing here, so please be nice. 
> 
> A big thank you to alilypea for betaing this stuff for me, and for encouraging me to try, even when I'm scared.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James was drunk, that went without question. When Steve _bless his heart_ had asked James if he had wanted to join him with Kaidan at Purgatory, James couldn’t bring himself to say no.

Steve was, of course, attempting to take James’s mind off of the not-so-secret internal conflict that James was currently going through.

One that James was definitely not avoiding. Nope. No way.

Steve’s plan would have worked too, had the not-so-secret internal conflict not _also_ been at Purgatory.

“Fuck,” James took another shot of whatever ambiguous blue liquor the Asari bartender had poured him, “we’ve been on shore leave for three days, and he shows up tonight?”.

Steve rubbed James’ back in an _I want you to feel better_ way, certainly not in an _you're an idiot _way. “You need to talk to him.”

“And say what? Hey Commander, I know I’ve always told you that I was straight, but I think that I have a crush on you?” James groaned. “No way Esteban. I like it on the Normandy, no way I’m getting kicked off over this passing…” James waved his hand in front of his face, “…thing.”

Kaidan chuckled, “I think we all know it isn’t just a _thing_ Vega. You’ve been pining over Shepard for months.” At James’ angry glare Kaidan raised his hands, “I don’t blame you, it’s just a quality that John has, everyone loves him.”

James let his eyes linger back on Shepard, he was with Garrus at the bar, resting his hand at the base of the Turian’s neck, laughing.

“Why does he do that?” James pointed, “He touches everyone but me.”

Kaidan looked over James' shoulder and shrugged. “Apparently it’s a Turian thing, a sign of brotherhood.”

“And how do you know that, groping Turians before we got together?” Steve smiled over his beer as Kaidan choked on his drink at the idea.

“No! No, nothing like that,” Kaidan wiped the beer from his chin, “I just…tried to do it once, you know, to smooth things over with Garrus when I got back on the ship..”

“Except?” Steve tilted his head in question.

“…except, it turns out that there is a particular place that you’re meant to rest your hand to do that. If you go higher, you’re making a bold sexual move.” Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, “poor Garrus, that was a weird conversation for the both of us.”

“Yeah, but he touches you too,” James pointed a wavering finger in Kaidan’s face. “I caught you guys cuddled up on the couch the other day.”

“I had a migraine,” Kaidan shrugged, “during our time on the SR1, John learned how to help with them.”

“He’s always hugging Sparks.”

“Shepard is like her big brother, especially now that her dad is gone,” Steve pointed out.

“He steals Joker’s hat.”

“Shepard literally died to save Joker,” Kaidan pointed out, “I don’t know if you can expect a normal relationship from a friendship like that.”

“He slept with the doc.”

“Ah,” Kaidan held his hand up to stop James. “He slept in the same bed as Liara, but he didn’t _sleep _sleep with her. John is gay with a capital G, always has been. Liara came onto him hard before, and he let her down gently.” Kaidan looked at Shepard, “I think he was just trying to help with her nightmares. It’s hard to remember that even though she’s over 100, Liara is still a young woman. This must all be taking a toll on her.”

“Still,” James slammed back another shot, long since past making a face at the burning sensation. “He touches everyone but me.”

“He may be a little distant from you, I’ll give you that,” Kaidan agreed, “but I’ve never seen John watch someone like he watches you.”

“Yeah, like when?” Another shot, Steve shook his head at the bartender as she moved to refill James’ glass.

“Like now,” Kaidan tilted his head towards Shepard, who was looking in their direction.

“Shit,” James rubbed his hands over his face. “I’m drunk, and my Commander is watching me, and you _know_ he did all sorts of body language training in N7. He’s totally going to figure me out.”

“Well, he is if you don’t shut up,” Steve smirked, “he’s walking over.”

“Mierda.”

“Commander,” Steve saluted as Shepard approached, “enjoying your evening?”

“I’ve told you not to do that on shore leave, Steve,” Shepard nodded at Kaidan before turning his attention to James. “You okay? You’re really putting them back.”

“Just fine, Loco,” James leaned against the bar, attempting to look more relaxed than he felt, “you want a round?”

“I’m good thanks, headed back to the ship to prepare for departure tomorrow.”

“Come on, John,” Kaidan brushed his elbow against Shepard’s side, “you have time for one.”

“Sorry Kaidan,” Shepard shrugged, “higher the rank the more that falls on your plate.”

“I outrank you,” Kaidan pointed out.

“Not on the Normandy you don’t,” Shepard chuckled, “unless you would like to ensure that the Levo fridge has been properly installed and Tali’s rations are in the clean chamber?”

“Uh, I think I’ll pass, Commander.”

“Thought so,” Shepard smiled and James felt his stomach flip, “I’ll see you in the morning. I’ve got our departure time set for 1000 hours, so you have plenty of time to recover.”

“You’re the best Commander,” Steve toasted Shepard with his beer.

“Name is John, Steve,” Shepard patted Steve on the shoulder, James flinched. “See you tomorrow. The apartment is empty, I had Glyph set the locks so you guys can get in if you want one last night of privacy before we go.”

Shepard turned to leave before turning back, “please don’t fuck in my bed.”

Kaidan coughed as Steve sputtered into his drink, “Commander…we wouldn’t…”

Shepard laughed a bright rich sound which absolutely did _not_ make James feel warm inside, “just messing with you.”

“Goodnight, John,” Kaidan gave Shepard the middle finger salute.

“Goodnight guys,” Shepard nodded, “goodnight, Vega.”

“See you, Loco,” James did a half-wave and took another shot before Steve could stop him.

Steve watched Shepard’s retreating form, “Why don’t you just talk to him, ask him why he seems distant?”

“What if I don’t like the answer? What if he doesn’t even like having me on the ship?” James pouted into a slightly larger glass. Steve wasn’t sure what was in it, possibly water, but he was pretty sure that Ryncol was clear as well.

“Oh yes, that must be it,” Kaidan rolled his eyes. “He hates you, which totally why he takes you on _every_ mission.”

“Just because” James hiccupped, “just because I’m a good soldier doesn’t mean he has to like me.”

“Okay,” Steve took the glass from James’ hand as he attempted to put it back on the bar and missed, twice, “you're ridiculous.”

“’m not,” James slurred, the full effect of the nights drinking suddenly seeming intensified by his insecurity, “’m tellin’ you he…”

“Likes you just fine,” Steve took hold of James’ shoulder, both to reassure and stabilize the swaying figure. “Tomorrow, you’re going to talk to him and sort this out”, James started to protest, but Steve cut him off, “OR, I’m going to talk to him for you.”

James sighed and ran his hand through his hair, “okay.”

“Steve’s right,” Kaidan nodded, “Shepard is a really upfront guy if you ask him where you stand, he will let you know.”

“Yeah,” James nodded, the movement causing Steve to grasp his shoulder harder to keep him upright, “he’s the best.”

Kaidan laughed under his breath, “yes, he is.” Settling the tab Kaidan reached over and took James’ right arm while Steve took his left guiding him towards the stairs, “and if you just tell him that you have feelings for him, who knows? Maybe he’ll be into it.”

“He thinks I’m straight,” James pointed out, trying to keep his footing, “hell, I thought I was straight, all about the laaadieesss.”

“Sexuality is complicated,” Kaidan grunted as he shifted James’ weight to call a cab, “some people only figure it out when they get older. Some people are only attracted to one type of person. Some Turian’s fall in love with Quarian’s. Sometimes the ship falls in love with the pilot.”

“Some Major’s fall in love with shuttle pilots,” Steve added, “let's get you back to the apartment, and we can come up with a plan of attack tomorrow.”

James lifted his weight from Steve and Kaidan, stumbling before catching his weight against a nearby car, “Nah, you guys go, I’m going to head back to the Normandy.”

“Are you sure?” Steve looked concerned, “maybe you should come back with us?”.

“It’ll be quieter on the ship, give me some time to think.” James, with some effort, called his own cab. He was sure it would have been easier to do had the buttons not _moved_ as he tried to press them, “’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure,” Steve looked worried.

“I don’t wanna listen to you and the Major screwing all night anyway, Esteban,” James tried for a smile to offset his somber mood, “you’re not a quiet as you think you are.”

Steve flushed, “we aren’t…”

“Yeah, yeah…” James waved him off, “I’m happy for you guys. Go, have fun, screw in Shepard’s bed.” James took an unsteady step and stumbled, caught only in the nick of time by Kaidan.

“Okay, into the cab with you,” Kaidan helped James get into the automated taxi, grateful that it wasn’t one of the older models which still required a driver.

“Destination?” An automated voice asked.

“Docking bay D24,” Steve swiped his credit chit.

“Thanks, Esteban,”,” James leaned back in the seat, the weight of the night pressing him into the leather.

“See you tomorrow, James,” Steve waved, “it’ll be okay.”

James just nodded as the door shut, Steve waved as the taxi was out of sight.

“He’s totally head over heels, isn’t he?” Kaidan asked as he turned to Steve.

“Oh yeah,” Steve nodded, “I’ve never seen him this bad.”

“I hope Shepard lets him down easy,” Kaidan sighed, “he was good to Liara, and she pouted for weeks. I wouldn’t tell James, his ego is big enough as it is, but we need him. He’s one of the best that we have.”

“Who knows,” Steve shrugged and waved their taxi down, “maybe he won't shoot him down at all. You were right in the bar, Shepard does watch James.”

“That would be quite something,” Kaidan got into he cab, sliding over to give Steve room, “it would be good for both of them.”

“Sometimes you just need a bit of hope in a situation like this,” Steve agreed, “like us.”

“Like us.”.

***

James felt quite proud that he had managed to get through the airlock and down to the armoury while only falling over twice.

Kicking off his boots, James dropped into the small cot he had hidden behind his bench. He didn’t sleep down here often, only when he needed some time <strike>to be</strike> alone.

Was Kaidan right, did Shepard watch him? Did he even think of him outside of work? For that matter, why did he not touch him with the same ease that he did the rest of the crew? An elbow brush here, hug there, a brotherly hand on the back of the neck. Why was James different?

Groaning against the thoughts rushing through his head, James rolled over, bracing himself as the room spun violently around him.

“Lieutenant Vega, do you require assistance?” EDI's disembodied voice sounded throughout the armoury.

“Dios Mio,” James startled, “EDI I thought you were in Purgatory with Legs?”

“My mobile platform is currently with Jeff in Purgatory; however, I still remain within the Normandy. Did you require assistance?”

“No,” James paused, “do you know where Shepard is?”

“The Commander is currently in his quarters.”

“Is he sleeping?”

“No, would you like me to ask him to come down?”

“No, that’s okay EDI,” James sighed, “just trying to decide if I want to do something stupid.”

“Jeff once told me that all of his greatest accomplishments came from him doing something stupid.”

“That so?”

“Yes,” EDI hesitated, “if this “something stupid” is you discussing your romantic feelings with the Commander, I think it would be beneficial for you to do so.

James groaned, “does everyone on the ship know?”

“I do not believe so. It became apparent to me when I was monitoring your vital signs.”

“Wonderful,” James slowly sat up, holding onto a bulkhead to keep his balance, reaching for a bottle of water he kept near his boxing bag, “do you think Shepard knows?”

“I cannot say.”

“Why not? You listen to all of his conversations too no? Track his vital signs?”

“I do,” EDI sounded vaguely uncomfortable now, “Shepard has a similar vital response to you, as you do to him. Whether that is because he is aware of your feelings, or he shares similar feelings I cannot be sure.”

“Wait, what?” James looked up at the ceiling, at a loss for where he should direct his gaze without her mobile platform in front of him, “why not?”

“Insufficient data.”

“Can you get more data?”

“I could,” EDI agreed, “as could you from discussing the matter with Shepard directly.”

James sighed, took a deep breath, and pulled himself to standing.

“Where are you going, Lieutenant?”

“To do something stupid.” James squared his shoulders, stumbled, and made his way to the elevator.

***

“Did it work?”

“Lieutenant Vega is currently walking to the elevator,” EDI turned to Joker, “I believe we have accomplished our plan.”

“It’ll be good for them,” Joker wrapped his arm around EDI, “at least James will get it out and be able to move past it.”

“I wasn’t joking,” EDI added, “the Commander does show an increased heart rate when Lieutenant Vega is within sight.”

“No shit?”

“Yes,” EDI nodded, “I believe the feelings may be reciprocated.”

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Joker smiled, “Shepard is going to owe us big time.”


	2. If I asked, would you give it to me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly folks, I don't know what I'm doing. I DO know that if I don't write this down I'm going to have this same plot bunny breeding in my brain until I die. 
> 
> If I have to live with it, so do you.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James made his way to the elevator, pressing the button for Shepard’s floor. “EDI, can you let the Commander know I’m coming?”

“Of course,” there was a pause, “Shepard is waiting for you.”

_Well, he didn’t tell me to leave him alone, point one for Vega. _

The bright green lock on Shepard’s door gave James pause, “Uh, do I knock?”

“I will let Shepard know you’re outside.”

“Thanks,” James started as the door to Shepard’s cabin opened, on the other side of the door stood a very casual John Shepard.

James took in the N7 t-shirt and sweatpants and Shepard chuckled, “Yeah, don’t worry James, I’m sure you’ll get a pair when you’re done the training. Come on in,” Shepard walked into his cabin, not bothering to look if James was following behind him.

“Yeah, maybe.” James took two steps into the cabin and stopped, looking at the empty fish tanks across the walls, “you ever going to get fish?”

“Nope,” Shepard popped the p as he walked down to the simple living area in his quarters with James following shortly behind him, “tried once, couldn’t remember to feed them. No good when you’re off the ship for undetermined amounts of time.” Shepard looked at James, studying the slight sway and nervous ticks as James clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides. “I’m sure you didn’t come up here to talk about my animal husbandry, what did you need?”

_To tell you I’m falling for you, _thought James, _that I can’t think of anything else. _

Both above statements, James thought, would have been a much better start than the “Why don’t you touch me?” that fell from his mouth.

Shepard looked stunned, “what?”

“I mean, fuck,” James rubbed a hand over his face and tried to collect his thoughts.

“Sit down,” Shepard offered, “you had a lot to drink tonight.”

“No,” James started, “I’m fine, that’s not what I meant to say. I mean, it is, but it’s not…”

“James,” Shepard took a step towards him as James swayed, “what’s going on?”

“Do you like me?”

Shepard paused mid-stride, “of course I like you. What have I done to give you the impression that I don’t?”

“You never touch me,” James could hear a whining tone to his voice and tried to stop it, “I mean, you’re always touching Garrus, and Sparks, and the Doc. You touch Esteban, rub Kaidan’s neck or whatever.”

“Okay,” Shepard was looking at James as if he had just told him he was going to marry a Krogan, and James felt his stomach flip, “so you’re upset because… I don’t touch you?”

“No, I’m upset because I _want_ you to touch me.”

“You want me to touch you?”

“Not just that,” James sighed, “I want you to _want_ to touch me.”

“James, I have to admit, I’m lost here.” Shepard closed the distance between them, standing no more than an arm-length apart. James could feel the heat pouring off of Shepard and fought the urge to lean into him. “You want me to _want_ to touch you like I do the rest of the crew?”

“No…”

“Damnit, James,” Shepard wasn’t angry, but James could tell he was getting frustrated, “I’m trying to understand, but you’re not making much sense. Help me here.”

“Fine,” it was time for stupidity, there was nothing to it, “I want this.”

James surged forwards, narrowly avoiding falling his face as Shepard caught him. James used Shepard’s arms around his chest to his advantage, keeping the momentum going to bring himself up on the balls of his feet kissing Shepard soundly on the mouth.

In James’ mind, Shepard would have, of course, kissed him back then expressed his undying love for James and they would live happily ever after. That wasn’t what was happening though. Shepard wasn’t doing anything, his mouth unmoving and his body was hard with tension. James panicked; Shepard stood stock still as James pulled back.

“James…”

“I want you,” James brought his arms around Shepard’s neck. From an outside perspective, they would look all the world like a couple in love James thought, rather than a drunk Lieutenant clinging to his Commander who was still holding him upright.

The liquor from the evening reared its ugly head as he started to babble, “I think about you all the time, and fuck Shepard I just…want you. You want me, too right? EDI told me that you get more...vital…or something when you see me.”

“James,” Shepard’s voice was lower now, with a husky quality which shot straight to James’ dick.

“Come on, Loco,” James tried for tracing his thumb across the side of Shepard’s throat, instead hitting his ear, “We’d be so good together.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I want you even when I’m not drunk,” James protested, “kiss me.”

“No, James, you’re really drunk.”

“See!” James took a step back and stumbled, landing on the couch sitting, “I told Esteban and the Major they were crazy. You _don’t _like me.”

“I didn’t say that,” Shepard sat next to James, “but you’re too drunk for us to be discussing this.” Shepard pulled up his Omni tool, and James saw him typing a message.

“Gonna court marshall me, Loco?”

“No,” Shepard looked up, “I’m going to get you a friend to put you back to bed. We can discuss this,” Shepard waved between them, “in the morning, when you’re sober.”

***

Steve jumped as his Omni-tool lit up in the darkness of the bedroom he shared with Kaidan.

“’verything okay?” Kaidan mumbled, still half asleep from his pillow.

“Fuck,” Steve sent a quick message back, “I have to go.”

“What’s going on?” Kaidan sat up, looking over Steve’s shoulder at the messages.

_Steve, you awake? James is in my cabin; can you come and get him before he does something he regrets? JS_

_Sure thing, Commander, on my way. – SC_

“Oh shit,” Kaidan turned on the bedside light and started looking for his clothes, “do you think he told him?”

“I think he was drunk enough that it’s a good possibility,” Steve pulled on his pants and started lacing his boots, “I knew we should have brought him back here. I just hope that Shepard isn’t too mad.”

“John’s good,” Kaidan did a last-minute sweep of the bedroom to make sure they hadn’t forgotten anything, “I think half the ship have told him that they are in love with him at some point. He’s a seasoned pro at this kind of thing.”

“Still,” Steve hailed jogged from the apartment and called a taxi, “I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate a drunk Lieutenant stumbling into his quarters at 3:00 am declaring his undying affection.”

“I think that’s a standard Friday for John,” Kaidan gave the taxi the destination and sat back, “don’t worry, we’ll sort it all out,”

***

As Steve arrived in front of Shepard’s quarters, he took a deep breath before knocking, “fuck Vega, I’m always pulling you out of something.”

“It’s open.”

Steve walked into Shepard’s quarters and heard him from around the corner, Shepard’s voice was low and tense, “Down the steps, on your right.”

Steve rounded the corner to James sitting on the couch, head in hands, Shepard sitting next to him.

“Thanks for coming Steve,” Shepard nodded toward James, “I think Vega overdid it a bit tonight.”

“I meant what I said,” James looked at Steve, “tell him, Steve, tell him that I’ve wanted him for months.”

“Uh,” Steve held up his hands, “I don’t think…”

“Don’t worry about it, Steve,” Shepard stood and offered a hand to James who stared at it blankly. Shepard waited for a beat before leaning forward and placing his hands under James’ arms, lifting him to standing, “time for you to sleep this off, big guy.”

“He doesn’t believe me,” James shifted his weight from Shepard to Steve, “I knew he didn’t like me. You and Major, you both told me “_tell him how you feel James, he watches you James”” _James did his best impression of Kaidan. “Liars.”

“Okay, enough from you, James,” Steve walked James, half dragging the larger figure towards the stairs. “Time for sleep.”

“I don’t wanna sleep,” James let out a long yawn, “I’m sad now.”

“It’ll be better in the morning,” getting to the door Steve turned to Shepard, “I’m sorry about this Commander.”

“It’s okay,” Shepard signalled for the elevator, “make sure someone stays with him tonight.”

“Will do,” Steve walked James into the elevator, “goodnight Commander.”

“Night,” Shepard turned and entered his quarters, the bright red lock lighting up the elevator briefly as the doors to his cabin slid shut.

“James,”

“Don’t,” James leaned against the wall, “don’t say anything.”

Steve sighed, “let's get you to bed.”

“’ kay,” James closed his eyes, “’m tired.”

“I bet you’ve had a busy day.” Steve carefully walked James back to the cot in the armoury where Kaidan was waiting.

“How’d it go?”

“Shit,” James dropped into the cot, “The Commander hates me, I’m going to get kicked off of the Normandy tomorrow when I’m sober.”

“What?” Kaidan turned to Steve who shook his head.

“Shepard wants to talk to him tomorrow when he’s sober. He didn’t say anything about kicking him off of the ship.”

“Yet,” James closed his eyes, “wait till tomorrow.”

“Go to sleep, James, I’ll be right here.”

“Love you, Esteban,” James let out a long breath, “you wouldn’t kick me off the ship for kissing you.”

Steve and Kaidan shared a panicked look, “no, of course not.”

“Night,” James mumbled as he dropped off to sleep, a soft snore punctuating his neck breath.

“Fuck, he kissed Shepard?”

“No idea,” Steve looked for a bucket to leave next to his friend, “Shepard looked pretty strained, but he didn’t tell me what happened.”

“I wonder if I should go talk to him.”

“Leave it,” Steve opened the doors to the Kodiak, “I’m going to sleep in here tonight, keep an ear out on our Romeo.”


	3. If you ask me, I'll wait.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor James - we've all been there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've made it this far, I'm currently questioning your tastes. 
> 
> I wrote three chapters before I decided if I was actually going to post it online. I had to wait for my dear friend Ashley to let me know if it was total shit or not. 
> 
> Nothing more written yet, but I hope to spend some time on it shortly. I appreciate your patience.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James woke with a sudden urge, which only comes from too much alcohol the night before. Frantically moving to sit he noticed the bucket next to his cot and thanked whatever god was listening as he emptied the contents of the stomach into the container.

“You okay?” James heard Steve all the way from the Kodiak. James could only groan as a response, a cold sweat breaking out across his forehead.

“You had a rough night, Mr. Vega,” Steve hopped out of the Kodiak and walked over to his friend, bringing a bottle of water with him.

James took the bottle gratefully, washing his mouth out, “seems like it.”

“So, uh, what do you remember exactly?” Steve looked concerned, which in turn made James concerned.

“Um,” James leaned back against the bulkhead and fought against the cobwebs in his memory, “Purgatory, Shepard was there.”

“Yep, what else?”

“You and Kaidan went back to the apartment, I came back here to try and get my head together, then...” James paused, a blank space in his memory, “not much.”

“Shit,” Steve rubbed the back of his hand across his forehead, a tell that James knew would only show up when Steve was feeling stressed.

“Esteban?” James prodded, “care to fill in the blanks?”

“You decided that you should talk to Shepard.”

James felt his face flush, “no…”

Steve scrunched his nose, “yeah, …and…”

“…And?” James wasn’t sure that he really wanted to know, but not knowing seemed worse.

Steve paused before continuing, “and… I got a message from Shepard asking me to come and get you from his quarters.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes, and you seemed pretty out of it when I got there.”

“Fuuuccckkk,” James closed his eyes, “did he say anything?”

“No,” Steve shook his head, “but then he isn’t really the type, is he? Private beyond measure. You did say something though.”

“What’s that?”

“That he was going to kick you off of the ship for kissing him.”

James felt his heart stop, his voice didn’t sound like his own as he let out a meek, “What?”

“I don’t know if you actually did kiss Shepard,” Steve added, “but that’s what you said.”

James tried to think back and came up empty, “I don’t remember.”

“Perhaps I can be of assistance,” EDIs voice chimed in from the overhead speakers.

“Well, I don’t think it can get any worse.”

“I have an audio recording from your conversation with Shepard, maybe it will trigger your memory.”

“Yeah, okay, let’s hear it,” James stood up, still unsteady on his feet and threw the entire bucket into a nearby garbage can.

“Sending through to your Omni-tool.”

“Thanks, EDI.” James found the audio recording and prepared it to play, “fuck, I don’t want to listen to this.”

“You probably should,” Kaidan’s voice came from the door of the Kodiak, “Shepard is going to want to talk to you today, it’s better that you’re not going in blind.”

James hesitated for a minute before nodding, starting the recording.

_“Why don’t you touch me?”_

_“What?”_

“Oh, fucking wonderful,” James groaned, “real smooth.”

“Listen to the rest of it,” Steve suggested, “it may get better?”

_“So, you’re upset because… I don’t touch you?”_

_“No, I’m upset because I want you to touch me.”_

_“You want me to touch you?” _

_“Not just that, I want you to want to touch me.”_

James could tell was red enough to make the best earth grown tomatoes jealous, “does anyone know if there is a Reaper nearby? I suddenly feel like fighting a Reaper.”

“Stop,” Kaidan chuckled, “it's not that bad, you actually sound pretty sweet, and Shepard doesn’t sound mad.”

Then, over the recording clear as a bell, the unmistakable sound of someone being kissed.

“Fuck,” Kaidan looked at Steve, “he actually did it.”

“Pendejo!” James swore, “what was I thinking? He’s going to kick my ass off this ship and have me court marshalled.”

“John wouldn’t do that,” Kaidan disagreed.

“I wouldn’t do what?”

James, Kaidan, and Steve turned quickly to see Shepard walking from the elevator.

“Commander,” Steve acknowledged, saluting, Kaidan and James following suit.

“Now I know you were talking about me,” Shepard crossed his arms, a slight grin on his face, “Commander from Steve isn’t strange, but you two,” he pointed to Kaidan and James, “it’s suspicious.”

Shepard looked at the three men, all of whom looked extremely uncomfortable, before sighing, “_at ease_, fine, don’t tell me, but don’t get all formal on me. It’s weird.”

“So, what can we do for you, Commander?” Steve was noticeably nervous, wringing his hands.

“I came to speak with Lieutenant Vega,” James felt his stomach turn, his drinking activities from the night before making him feel vaguely nauseous, “would you mind giving us two minutes? There is fresh coffee in the mess.”

“Sure thing, John,” Kaidan patted Shepard on the shoulder, pausing briefly to whisper what James swore was “be gentle on him,” in Shepard’s ear before he walked past with Steve in tow.

Shepard turned and regarded James carefully, “how are you feeling after your night out?”

“Rough,” James answered honestly, “look, Loco.”

Shepard held up a hand to stop him, “we need to talk about it, yes, but not until you’re feeling better. Feeling sick tends to cloud judgement.”

James nodded, grateful for the time to prepare himself for whatever Shepard had in mind, “so when?”

“Go see Karin,” at James’ puzzled express Shepard added, “Dr. Chakwas. I asked her to get you a hangover cure ready. I have to go through our pre-flight checks, but I should have some time this evening.”

“So, you’re not kicking me off?”

“Kicking you off of what?” Shepard asked.

“The Normandy?”

“Why would I do that?” Shepard was honestly asking James realized, it wasn’t something he had considered before he brought it up. “Did you want to leave?”

“No!” James started, “no of course not, I just figured after last night…”

“No, James, I’m not going to kick you off the Normandy,” to James’ absolute shock Shepard reached out and patted him on the shoulder. His skin felt hot and tight from the contact.

“Okay,” James nodded, “thanks.”

“Tonight, we’ll talk and get this whole thing sorted out,” Shepard’s Omni-tool lit up, “but right now I have Commander duties to do. Go check in with Karen, she’ll make you feel better.”

James nodded and made his way to the elevator, leaving Shepard to his pre-flight preparations.

***

“Oh, Lieutenant Vega,” Dr. Chakwas stood from her chair as he walked in. “Commander Shepard said you would be coming, something about over-doing it with Major Alenko and Mr. Cortez.”

“Yeah, something like that,” James agreed and sat on the table Dr. Chakwas pointed too, “I’m sure I’ll be fine after I eat some breakfast.”

“Food would certainly help,” Dr. Chakwas nodded as she filled a syringe, “however; only if you can keep it down. This will help with the queasiness, and the headache, I’m afraid you may still feel a little weak for the day.”

James offered his arm to the Doctor and watched as she carefully injected its contents.

“I, of course as a Doctor, must also include the standard warning that drinking to excess is unhealthy,” Dr. Chakwas removed the needle and pressed a small cotton ball to the wound.

“Yeah, I know, I just got carried away,” James was already feeling slightly better, the hole in his stomach turning from nausea to hunger.

“Nor is a successful way of running from one’s problems,” Dr. Chakwas laughed gently as James snapped his eyes to her face, “no, before you ask the Commander did not mention anything to me. I just happen to be an old woman who is very familiar with what love looks like.”

James couldn’t bring himself to answer, deciding instead to look at the door just past the Doctor’s left ear.

“Now, don’t be childish, Lieutenant,” Dr. Chakwas started tidying her station, throwing the needle in a nearby sharps container, “I wasn’t chastising you; I think the two of you would make a lovely couple.”

“You do?” James was intrigued at that, “why?”

“I have known the Commander for many years, and never in all of our years together have I seen him taken a fondness to someone quite the way he has with you.” Dr. Chakwas leaned against her desk as she spoke, “I have watched him time and time again try to maintain a personal distance from you, which I’m sure is easily interpreted as him being uninterested.”

James nodded, “you could say that.”

“ Be that as it may, I truly believe that he cares for you,” Karin nodded at her own observation, “and that if you can work past whatever happened last night, you two would complement each other.”

James stood from the table, “uh, thanks, Dr.C.”

“You’re very welcome, James,” Karin sat down in her chair, her back to James and she started to input some notes into her terminal, “just one thing before you leave Lieutenant.”

“Yeah?”

“If you hurt him,” Karin turned to face him, her face serious, “I will make what he did to the Collectors look like child’s play when I get my hands on you. I may not have any children of my own, but he is like a son to me.”

“Noted,” James nodded.

“Enjoy your day, Lieutenant.”

James could tell when he was dismissed and made his way to the kitchen to see if there was any coffee left.

“What did he say?” Steve asked as James joined the table he and Kaidan were sitting at.

“He wants to talk when I’m feeling better, maybe tonight.”

“Well, that’s good right?” Kaidan nodded, “he didn’t kick you off the ship.”

“I guess, but what am I supposed to tell him?”

“The truth?” Garrus added in from the table next to them, making the group jump, “sorry,” his mandibles opened in what James now knew was the Turian equivalent to a grin, “I assumed we were talking about your infatuation with Shepard?”

“Dios Mio, how is it everyone knows?”

“Not everyone, just most of us “aliens,”” Garrus went onto explain, “I think it’s a pheromone thing, but you two stink when you’re around each other.”

“We stink?”

“Yes.”

“Both of us?”

“Yes.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Well, I can only speak for Turians, and to be honest, you Humans stink to us either way.”

“So, what would it mean for a Turian?” Steve asked.

Garrus shrugged, “attraction, availability, for us, it is mostly sexual.”

“Humans too,” Kaidan added, “though we can’t really smell them the same way you can, there were tests done with sweaty t-shirts at university once where they had attractive people sweat into a t-shirt and had others rate them based off of smell.”

Garrus let out a sound which sounded like a human wretch, “Humans are disgusting.”

Kaidan laughed, “yeah, I guess so.”

“What’s your game plan, Jimmy?” Garrus nodded at Shepard as he walked from the elevator and toward Liara’s cabin, datapad in hand, “you need to be prepared.”

“No idea,” James shrugged, “I don’t even know what he’s going to say.”

“Well, I can tell you for nothing you need to know where you stand with what you want.” Garrus pointed a taloned finger at James, “if you want to just blow off some steam then tell him that upfront if it’s going to be a life-mate thing, he needs to know that too.”

James nodded, “good point, I guess I’ll think about it during my shift. This is going to be a long day.”

James grabbed a cup of coffee and turned to the elevator heading back to the armoury. If he had to wait all day to talk to Shepard, he could at least figure out why his shotgun kept jamming while he did it.


	4. Ask me, and I'm yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to alilypea for reading my nonsense.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

During his shift, James had successfully repaired his shotgun, repaired Tali’s shotgun, cleaned all of Shepard’s weapons, and sourced the scope that Garrus had been looking for. He was blissfully distracted, currently working on installing ultra-light materials on Liara’s handgun when his Omni tool lit up.

_James – I will be available in 15 minutes if you’re free to chat – JS_

James looked at the message for longer than needed, an increasing sense of dread creeping over him.

“Did Shepard just call you up?” Steve asked him from where he was tinkering, as always, on the Kodiak, “you went pale.”

“Yeah, he wants to talk in 15.”

“Go shower,” Steve went back to whatever he had been fixing, “you’re covered in gun oil. Make a good impression.”

“Guess so,” James pulled up his own message, replying.

_No problem, Loco, see you then_ – _JV_.

Headed toward the elevator, he heard Steve call out, “Good luck!”

James flipped him the middle finger as the elevator doors closed.

***

Ten minutes later, thank you military efficiency, James was showered and riding up to Shepard’s quarters, trying not to panic. Had Shepard wanted to kick him off of the Normandy, he would have done it before they had taken off. He hadn’t seemed angry when they had spoken earlier, and James had relistened to the recording from the night before.

It certainly wasn’t going to go down as one of his most romantic moments, but he didn’t think it had gone terribly, either. Expect for the kiss.

Between the eight-hour shift and Dr. Chakwas miracle hangover cure, James could distinctly remember the kiss.

And the lack of reaction from Shepard.

As the elevator door opened James jumped at the sight of Shepard leaning against the door frame by his quarter’s. Shepard laughed, “at ease, Vega, I’m not here to hurt you. EDI told me that you were on your way up, I figured I’d let you in.”

Shepard opened the door and much like the night before walked in without checking to see if James was following.

_Of course, he doesn’t check_, James thought to himself, _he’s Commander Fucking Shepard, he expects to be followed._

Much long that train of thought, James found his feet leading him without thinking, behind Shepard down to the small seating arrangement.

“Have a seat,” Shepard pointed towards one of the couches. After a pause, James did.

Shepard sat too, directly facing James as he spoke, “EDI, put me on do not disturb for the next hour. Unless there’s a Reaper knocking, direct any issues to Kaidan.”

“Logging you out, Shepard.”

Shepard leaned back into the couch, silent, looking at James. James couldn’t help but feel unsettled. This was the patented _Shepard analysis_. He’d seen Shepard talk down the most seasoned mercs, talk up the most beaten-down soldier, and completely crush the most obnoxious reporters after a _Shepard analysis_. He had spent much of his time with Shepard hoping to never be on the receiving end of the observation.

“So,” Shepard stated, “last night.”

“Look, Loco, I’m sorry, I had too much, I got out of hand.”

“Did you mean it?”

“What?” That wasn’t what he was expecting, James wasn’t sure how he should proceed.

“Did you mean it?” Shepard leaned forward, bringing himself closer to James, regarding him like he was in a police interrogation.

“What part?”

Shepard chuckled, a short angry sound, “we’re going to do it like this are we? You’re going to make me drag it out of you? I thought you would be open to a conversation on this. Maybe I’m wasting my time. Thanks for coming up, James, we’ll forget last night happened, and you can resume your duties.”

“Wait,” James put his hand up to stop Shepard as he moved to stand, “we can talk about it.”

Shepard gave James a minute to prepare, settling back down into his seat, “let's talk then.”

“I meant it.”

“What part?”

James cringed as his words were returned to him, “all of it.”

“You want me to _want_ to touch you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” Shepard tilted his head in question.

James tried and failed not to notice how cute the action was.

“You do it with all the rest of the crew, you have a _thing_ with everyone. Kaidan’s headache thing, Garrus’ neck thing, Joker’s hat thing, you sleep with Liara,” James shrugged, “it seems like you avoid touching me, and once I noticed it, I couldn’t stop noticing it.”

“I see, and to remedy this lack of physical affection you got drunk with Steve and Kaidan came up to my quarters, and kissed me?”

“That’s not why I came up, originally,” James disagreed, “the alcohol did make it seem like it was the best way to get my point across to tell you what I wanted.”

“And that is?”

James felt panic clutch at his chest and took a deep breath.

“James,” James looked at Shepard, not entirely sure when he had looked away, “you can tell me.”

James nodded, “what I want is…” he exhaled roughly, “you.”

“Last I checked, you were straight.” Shepard’s statement wasn’t a judgement, but it wasn’t posed as a question, either.

“Yeah, last time I checked, I thought I was too,” James shrugged, “but you’re all I think about.”

“Hmm,” Shepard leaned back into the couch, “so last night, when you kissed me, what were you telling me exactly?”

“What do you mean?”

“You can want someone a lot of different ways, you can want them for right now, you can want them for sex, you can want to have a relationship,” the _Shepard analysis _was back, James knew this was the question he had been waiting to ask, “how do you want me?”

James felt flustered, “does it matter?”

“Yes.” Shepard’s gaze was piercing now. James was sure that he knew all of he secrets just from looking through him, right back to the time he stole 30 credits from his uncle when he was 12. 

“Okay,” in for a pinch, in for a pound, “I want to be yours; however you would take me.”

The silence that stretched between them felt thick against James’ skin. Like when you’re at the bottom of the pool and running out of air, unsure if you have enough to get back to the surface.

Whatever Shepard was looking for he must have found, as after what felt like 100 heartbeats, he finally broke the silence.

“You know, I must have had half the ship ask me to be with them in some way. Sometimes it’s sex, sometimes it’s love, sometimes it’s just protection.”

“So, I’m just like one of them?” James felt his temper flare.

“No,” Shepard disagreed, “you’re nothing like them.”

“Look, Loco, can we just get to the part where you let me down gently?”

“Let me finish,” Shepard was intense now, heated in his response, “you’re different because you’re the _only_ person who I have had feelings for. You’re the only one that I’ve wanted.”

“Wait, what?” James was baffled, “You…what?”

“Want you,” Shepard was confident now, charging forward into this conversation the same way he did into battle, “I have since you were my guard on earth. I’ve tried to maintain a professional relationship and avoided touching you so I didn’t make you uncomfortable. You have to understand, James, the others on this ship I have worked with for years. I’m secure in my relationships with them.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?” James asked, “I want you; you want me, it works out?”

Shepard looked strained, “maybe.”

“Why not?”

Shepard sighed, “I was in a relationship once, long time ago, with someone who figured he was straight, not including me.” Shepard ran his hands over his face, a nervous tick which seemed out of place on the capable individual in front of him, “James, he ripped my heart right in two. Clean in half.”

James winced, “sorry to hear that.”

“I admittedly didn’t deal with the rejection well, but I promised myself I would never be another experiment for anyone. If they weren’t comfortable with their sexuality, whatever that may be, I wouldn’t get involved.”

“So, what happened?

That disarmed Shepard, clearly not what he had expected to be asked, “um, we met shortly after I had finished N7. It was big shit then, you know, there weren’t many of us, most who had graduated had died in some battle or another.”

James nodded, urging Shepard to continue.

“He was _beautiful_. I was taken by him immediately. He was smart, charismatic, all the things that I found lacking in myself. We went out to dinner one night, and he told me something very similar to what you just did. He was straight, but he wanted me, and we decided to try and make it work.”

James fought past the feelings of jealousy crawling across his chest, “Guessing it didn’t end well?”

“No,” Shepard agreed, “but it started well. We went out movies, dinner, and all of the typical things. Then I noticed the small things, but I was so in love by that point that I ignored them.”

“Like?”

“Like he wouldn’t hold my hand in public. He was fine with kissing and handjobs but wouldn’t move past that in the bedroom and would completely shut me down if I tried to find out why. He would never introduce me as his partner, just his friend. He was only mine when we were in private. I had given all of myself to him, and he gave me only the things he could afford to lose.”

“Sounds rough, did you call it off?”

“I wish,” Shepard shook his head, “it ended in a screaming match, me asking why he didn’t love me like I loved him.”

“What was his answer?”

“I can’t,” Shepard repeated the words with a flat voice, “that’s all he could tell me, “I can’t.””

“I’m sorry,” James didn’t know what else to say.

“It’s not your fault,” Shepard took a deep breath and James could see all of his armour coming back into place, “but I can’t do it again.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Loco.”

Shepard regarded him carefully, “I want to believe that, James, I really do, but I have an entire galaxy depending on me to win this war. I can’t do that with a broken heart. Hell, I’m not sure I can do it without a broken heart.”

James moved to sit next to Shepard, “look, Loco, I’m not looking to break your heart. I’ve never been with a guy, no, but I know I want this. I’ll hold your hand in public, and when we kick the Reapers asses, I’ll tell the world I did it with my boyfriend.”

Shepard was looking at his hands that he was wringing in his lap, “James…”

“Give me a chance, John,” Shepard glanced at him, “please.”

“I notice that you left out the sex in your little declaration.”

James chuckled, “come on Loco, amazing sex goes without question with me.”

Shepard laughed at that, not for long, but it had the desired effect, the mood lightening.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Let’s give it a shot.”

“Really?” James beamed, “you’re not going to change your mind?”

“James, I just told you that I’ve wanted to be with you for literally months. Between the two of us, I’m not the one that’s going to change my mind.”

“Hell yeah!” James didn’t pause as he placed a gentle hand on Shepard’s jaw, bringing their lips together for a kiss.

Shepard’s body jolted, and there was a pause before he reciprocated, tilting his head slightly and deepening the kiss. A gentle swipe of James’ tongue across his lips had him opening his mouth, brushing their tongues together.

James let out a groan which, had it been anyone else in the room other than Shepard, would have had him flushed with embarrassment at the desperation. As it was, it just caused Shepard to pull back slightly, resting his forehead against James, breathless.

“Sorry, got carried away,” Shepard’s voice was deep with lust.

“I like you carried away,” James ran his hand up Shepard’s arm, tracing the lines of the muscle, “I think I like this more when you participate.”

Shepard laughed, “had you not been quite so drunk last night, maybe I would have,”

“What do we do now?”

“I don’t know, I’m out of practice, I haven’t had a relationship since before the SR1,” Shepard traced the lines of James tattoos, “a date, I guess.”

“A date,” James hummed, “I can do that.”

“Yeah? You going to plan it? Take me somewhere nice?”

“Tuchunka count?”

Shepard snorted, “sure, we can hunt thresher maws.”

“When’s our next shore leave?”

“None planned, yet.”

“Okay, how about dinner and a movie here?”

“Sounds nice, when?” Shepard let out a yawn, “sorry.”

“It’s okay, I woke you up late last night,” James stood, “I should let you sleep.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Shepard stood, “when did you want to do the date?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow? Someone’s eager.”

“You have no idea, Loco.”

“Tomorrow’s fine.” Shepard leaned against the doorframe of the elevator, “looking forward to it.”

“I’ll deal with dinner; you pick the movie.”

“Deal.”

“Do I get a goodnight kiss?” James put his hands on Shepard’s hips, urging him to move closer.

“What kind of man do you take me for, Lieutenant? You haven’t even taken me on a date yet.” Shepard protested but moved with little effort wrapping his arms around James’ neck. James noted absentmindedly that Shepard was taller than he remembered.

“The type of man that kisses his boyfriend goodnight.”

Shepard let out a low groan before closing the space between them. This kiss was more heated than the one the couch, all tongue and teeth, Shepard pulling James’ lower lip into his mouth, biting gently. James sucked in a breath, lust coiling in his core. He had been kissed plenty of times in his 20-something-years, but never like this.

“Ah fuck, John,” James moaned as Shepard moved his attention to his tattooed neck, tracing the pattern with his tongue.

“Yeah?”

“If you keep that up, I’m not leaving.”

Shepard pulled back, smiling before placing a short, chaste, kiss on James’ lips, pressing the button for the elevator.

“No need to rush, we’ll have time.”

James took a deep breath to cool the fire in his belly, “okay. Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” Shepard agreed and stepped back as James got into the elevator, “goodnight, James,”

“Goodnight, Loco.”


	5. All for the love of a sandwich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you, as always, to alilypea. The only woman in the world who can curb my excessive use of commas. 
> 
> This chapter was largely inspired by our friendship, my inability to feed myself as a teenager, and our mutual love of a good grilled cheese. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is sticking with me on this. It means a lot. 
> 
> With that, I give you this filler chapter. It is leading to bigger things, and it will become more important as I lay down the "plot" within this fic.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

Shepard splashed cold water on his face and regarded the bags under his eyes with a frown. Despite his time spent with James the night before, his night had been filled with nightmares and not the same one which had been chasing him since he got onto the SR3.

No, instead he spent his night dreaming about broken promises, missed potential, loneliness, and broken hearts.

_Grubs up-JM_ – Joker’s message pulled Shepard from his reflection.

_Coming, thanks – JS_

_Hurry up, or I’m drinking all the coffee. – JM_

_If you do, I’ll tell EDI that you came to me for sex advice – JS_

_You wouldn’t – JM_

_Sure I would -JS_

_I’ll save you a cup – JM_

***

“Geeze, Commander,” Steve looked up as Shepard joined the small group in the mess hall, “are you alright? You look exhausted.”

“I am exhausted,” Shepard dropped into the empty seat next to James, “I didn’t sleep well.”

“Everything okay?” James leaned into Shepard, talking quietly.

“Yeah, just bad dreams.” Shepard rubbed his eyes until the smell of a fresh cup of coffee placed under his nose by a sheepish Joker drew his attention.

“The misty forest one again?” Joker asked as he sat at the table next to theirs.

“No, not that one.”

“Want to talk about it?” Kaidan sat down with a bowl of cereal, passing Steve his tea.

“Just…” Shepard took a drink from his cup, “history repeating itself.”

“I thought they covered that skylight in your room?”

“They did.”

“You want something to eat?” James brushed his hand against Shepard’s back, “I can get you something?”

“Sure, anything would be great.”

“On it, Loco,” James made his way over to the cabinets, hunting and finding Shepard’s favourite cereal and pouring him a bowl before adding the synthesized milk and bringing it over.

“Thanks,” Shepard offered a weak smile, “I can’t actually remember the last time I ate.”

“That’s not good for us, you know that John,” Kaidan pointed at him with his spoon, clarifying at James confused look “biotics have a very high metabolism, we can get really sick if we don’t eat properly when we’re using our powers.”

“Mhmm,” Shepard agreed around a mouthful of cereal, “thank you, mother.”

“Commander, I have an urgent incoming call from Admiral Hackett,” Samantha Traynor came around the corner from the elevator, “he says he needs to speak with you immediately.”

Shepard nodded, standing, “well, looks like I can wait a little longer.”

“John,” Kaidan protested, “you’re going to run yourself into the hospital if you don’t eat.”

Shepard grabbed his mug in a mock toast, “liquid breakfast, I’ll be fine.” Before he left, he turned to James, “tonight?”

“Tonight,” James agreed, “Seven?”

“See you then,” there was a real smile from Shepard now, the first James had seen today. With a wave, Shepard followed Traynor from view.

“What’s tonight?” Kaidan asked, taking Shepard’s bowl and starting on the contents, at Steve’s look, he shrugged, “what? I could see combat today. I’m getting the extra calories in.”

“A date.”

“You’ve got a date…with Shepard?” Joker looked thrilled, “a real date?”

“As best as I can manage while we’re stuck on the Normandy, yeah,” James looked around the kitchen, “I said I’d make him dinner, but I’m not too sure what we have here.”

“Oh my god,” Joker looked to Kaidan, “Shepard finally said yes to someone.”

“I can’t believe it,” Kaidan let out a chuckle.

“Wait, what,” James pointed at Kaidan, “you were right there with Esteban telling me to talk to Shepard.”

“Well yeah,” Kaidan shrugged between bites of cereal, “I figured he would let you down gently and you would get it out of your system, stop brooding around the cargo bay.”

“You didn’t think he would say yes?”

“He never does,” Joker pointed out, “like literally, never does. Half the ship has asked to fuck him, love him, have his babies. He always says no.”

“Until now,” Steve added, “James must be something special.”

James flushed, “well, let's hope I don’t let him down.”

“You won't,” Steve patted James on the shoulder, taking Shepard’s now empty seat, “but you do need to plan. We’re going by some supply drops today, if you tell me what you’re thinking to make I’ll see if we can source the stuff to make it.”

“Thanks, Esteban,” James stood, “I should get to work.”

“I’ll come with you,” Steve joined him, “I’m not going to let your first date with the Commander be a bust.”

***

By noon Steve had helped him organize everything. He had to give Cortez credit; he was incredibly resourceful. All the ingredients he would need would be on the ship by 3 pm, leaving him plenty of time to make the meal for their date. How Steve had sourced earth-grown beef in space, James would never know.

James was in the middle of making himself lunch when Kaidan’s words from earlier ran through the back of his mind.

“Hey EDI, when was the last time Shepard ate?”

“Commander Shepard has ingested approximately 75 calories in the past 24 hours, all comprised of coffee and his preferred sweetener, along with one bite of cereal.”

“I’m guessing that’s not enough?”

“The average male biotic requires approximately 2,500-3000 calories per day, more if they see active combat.”

“Right,” James started to prepare a second sandwich, “what is he doing right now?”

“The Commander is currently engaged in conversation with Major Alenko regarding shielding for the Normandy.”

_Loco, you free? – JV_

_Sorry James, apparently I need to source a bunch of platinum from somewhere – JS_

“Hmm,” James hummed to himself carrying both plates of food down to the armoury, “EDI, would you be willing to help me out with something?”

“What do you need assistance with?”

“In about, oh 10 minutes, could you let the Commander know there is an urgent problem with the Kodiak.”

“My scans indicate that the Kodiak is currently at 98% functionality.”

“Yep,” James walked through the battery and over to the shuttle, “never run better than they do now that Esteban is working on it.”

“I knew you loved me, Vega,” Steve looked up from the back thrusters, “for me?”

“Afraid not, Amigo. EDI is helping me get food into Shepard.”

“I don’t understand,” there was a pause, “Jeff is indicating that you wish for me to lie to the Commander?”

“We’re not lying, EDI, Shepard not eating is an emergency, the Major said so this morning,” James carefully balancing the food on one arm opened the side hatch before climbing in, “and if he eats in here, no one will find him.”

“I’ll find the crumbs,” Steve complained, “I just got the blood out of it.”

“It’s better than finding a passed-out Shepard,” James sat on one of the bench seats, “I don’t think the Major was lying about that.”

“I understand, what should I say is the problem?” EDI switched her communication to the Kodiak dash.

“Esteban? Any ideas?”

Steve looked around the Kodiak, “tell him there’s an electrical short, and I need his insight into the best way to repair it.”

“Alright,” EDI paused as she relayed the message, “patching Shepard through.”

“Shit,” James muttered under his breath, “go with it.”

Steve nodded, “Commander? We have a problem down here.”

“Steve, can’t you source it? I thought you were the pro at fixing these shuttles.”

“Normally I am, but this is a problem I’ve never seen before. We’re stuck on the Normandy until it’s resolved.”

“Fuck, okay, I’ll be down in five.”

James flashed Steve a thumbs up, “nice one, now when he gets down here just let him into the shuttle and close the door. If anyone asks you where he is, you don’t know.”

Steve leaned against the door and smiled, “quite the romantic, eh, Vega?”

James flushed, “shut up.”

“It looks good on you,” Steve wasn’t mocking now, a genuine tone to his voice, “I really hope this works out between you two.”

“Me too,” James rubbed the back of his neck, “I may, uh, need to talk to you later about some stuff.”

“Sure,” Steve winked, “I’d be glad to talk to you about the birds and the bees.”

James heard the elevator door slide open and pointed, “go get him, stick with the story.”

Steve nodded, and James could hear him from his seat within the Kodiak, “it’s the strangest thing Commander. She was running fine, and I tried to start her up to address the left drift I had mentioned, and the entire thing went silent. It’s like the entire engine burnt out.”

“Well, that’s not good, we don’t have time to source another one, let's see if we can resolve it.”

Shepard climbed into the shuttle and paused as he saw James, armed with a plate with what was one of the most delicious looking sandwiches he had seen in years. “What-“

“Enjoy your lunch,” Steve slid the door closed behind Shepard, the sound of the latch engaging behind him.

“James?”

“Loco,” James held the plate out, “I made you lunch.”

Shepard paused, looking at the sandwich before taking the plate and slowly sitting down. “Was this all a plot to make me eat?”

“Yep.”

“Shuttles fine?”

“Yep.”

“You know that I’m going to get called away any minute, right?”

“Nope,” James took a bite of his own sandwich, “EDIs got you covered.”

Shepard looked to the console of the Kodiak, “EDI, where do people think I am?”

“You are currently engaged in a critical repair of the Kodiak and are not to be disturbed.”

“So what are you going to do when people are actually looking for me, instead of asking?”

“The doors are locked, and Steve is standing guard,” James took another bite, and Shepard’s stomach let out an audible growl, “and he doesn’t know where you are.”

“You’re amazing,” Shepard started to eat.

James watched as Shepard finished his entire sandwich before he had finished half of his.

“Good?”

“The best,” Shepard leaned his head back and closed his eyes, “I guess I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”

“Want the rest of mine?” James held it up, and Shepard opened an eye to look at it.

“I shouldn’t. It’s your lunch.”

“Eat it,” James took Shepard’s now empty plate and switched it for his, “you’re going to pass out or something.”

“Thank you,” Shepard made quick work of the food, “I needed this.”

“Any time you need a break, you just let me know. I can hide you out for some R&R.”

“I appreciate that,” Shepard rested his hand on James’ thigh, “it’s been hard to get a break lately.”

“So,” James prompted, “does this count as our first date? I sneak you out of your parent's house and take you for food?”

“Pretty good first date,” Shepard agreed, “I’m looking forward to the second tonight.”

“Me too,” James tentatively placed his hand on top of Shepard’s where it rested on his leg, pleased as Shepard turned his hand and linked their fingers together, squeezing gently.

“I need to get back to work though,” Shepard sat up slightly, turning to face James, “I owe you for this.”

“I can think of ways you could pay me back,” James licked his lips, Shepard’s eyes followed the movement.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” James closed the space between them, bringing their lips together.

Shepard hummed into the kiss, and James could feel rather than see the smile on his face just before he pulled away.

“As much as I’d like to stay,” Shepard whispered in the quiet space between them, “and spend more time doing that, the war won't win itself.”

“Okay,” James pulled back slightly, “Seven?”

“Seven.”


	6. James Vega, Chef

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some house keeping:
> 
> Thank you, as always, to alilypea for reading my shit and making it less shit. 
> 
> I am taking some creative liberties with the earth-born Shepard backstory, because I want too, and it's my story.
> 
> Also, advanced warning that my Shepard has some pretty heavy body mods. If this is something you don't like, or something that you feel unsettled by, you may want to avoid this chapter. I will do my best to put a warning at the beginning of any chapter where Shepard being modified is a key point. 
> 
> No nasty comments about body modification, please, as I am also a heavily modified individual.

James didn’t pride himself on much, but his ability to cook was up there. His uncle had always encouraged him to spend time in the kitchen growing up, telling him that it would be the best way to win over the ladies and regardless of that, it was always good to be able to take care of himself.

So, James had learned, spending his time learning the recipes from his uncle. Pancakes on Sunday, burgers on Friday, and the occasional dessert when it was a significant earth holiday, just in case family came over.

They never mentioned the fact that the “family” never came. Instead, they enjoyed the cookies, cakes, or pies that they had baked together while sitting the floor of their small apartment in New York.

Food was a way of showing love, the way that his uncle had taught him that even if he wasn’t his birth father, that he loved him like a son.

Now, as James seasoned the dinner he was making for Shepard, he made sure that he put love into each step of the process.

“What are you making?” Joker looked over his shoulder as he shaped the meat into patties, “can I have one?”

“Burgers, and no,” James heated the grill pan and waited for it to warm.

“You suck,” Joker looked over the ingredients that James was working with, “man I miss earth food.”

“Ask EDI to make you some.”

“You know,” Joker said conversationally, “I bet you that Shepard has never had any of this stuff.”

“You think? Why?”

“Because he grew up in a gang, with like no money. Fresh food has always been expensive on earth, I bet he grew up eating synthesized stuff.”

“Huh,” James pulled up his Omni-tool, “let's ask.”

_Loco, how do you like your burgers? – JV_

There was a pause, longer than James would have expected.

_Synthesized stuff is all the same, isn’t it? – JS_

_I got the real deal – JV_

_Oh, then I have no idea; however you have yours I guess -JS_

“Looks like you’re right,” James shrugged, “it’ll be a good dinner for him then. Something new.”

“You’re really going all out, eh?”

“Well, yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

“Shepard would be happy if you showed up with an MRE. You didn’t need to go to these lengths just to win him over.”

“I know I don’t,” James flipped the burgers, pleased to see the perfect grill marks, “he deserves it though.”

“Yeah,” Joker trailed off, James looked up to see what had caught his attention.

“What?”

“Look, I know it’s early days for you guys,” Joker leaned against the counter and tried to look casual, “but,” Joker groaned, “man, don’t hurt him, ok?”

“It’s not my plan to hurt him,” James started cutting the toppings for the burgers, “I like him.”

“That other guy liked him too,” Joker shook his head, “Shepard used to light up like a Christmas tree when he was around, and what did he do? Fucked Shepard over, that’s what.”

“He told me,” James grabbed two plates, laying out the buns and placing the perfectly cooked medium rare patties on them before adding the toppings.

“John died for me.”

The statement caused James to pause his preparations and look at Joker, who, for once in his life, appeared earnest in his conversation.

“I wouldn’t get off the Normandy, and he came and dragged my ass off, threw me into an escape shuttle and I had to watch him, my best friend, get spaced.” Joker tapped a finger against James' chest, “he died because of me, and I’m sure as shit not going to let some beefcake break his heart.”

“Joker-”

“No, listen,” Joker stood up straight, even though he wasn’t quite tall enough to look James eye to eye, “I may not be able to take you on without breaking something, but I _do_ have a Turian on my team with a huge stick up his ass. If you hurt Shepard, I will have him beat you to death with it.”

“Understood,” James nodded, “I’ll do the best I can.”

“Do better than that.” Joker turned to make his way to the elevator, “have a good time.”

“Will do.”

“Shepard hates mustard,” Joker called as he walked from sight.

“Gracias,” James called back, skipping the condiment and finishing laying out the dinner.

He was proud of himself. Earth raised beef burgers, fresh salad, and some beers from Kaidan’s personal collection, donated for the evening. Loading the collection of food onto a small trolley, he checked the time, 6:50 pm, perfect.

_I’m headed up – JV_

_I’m ready, see you soon – JS_

James called the elevator and took a few steadying breaths to try and calm his racing heart. It was just Shepard, they had dinner together plenty of times when they were together on earth.

_You weren’t trying to win his heart on earth_, his brain supplied, _you had nothing to lose then. You have everything to lose now. _

The door to the elevator slid open, and James carefully wheeled the cart over the threshold, ensuring nothing fell over the bumps.

“Smells amazing,” Shepard’s voice came from inside his quarters, the door open.

“You better believe it, Loco, you’re in for a culinary masterpiece.”

There was a low laugh from Shepard, “I don’t know, that sandwich was pretty impressive. I don’t know how you’re going to match that.”

“Like this,” James wheeled in the cart and gestured with a flourish at the spread.

“Wow,” Shepard stood from his desk, putting down the datapad he had been working on, “you made all this?”

“From scratch,” James confirmed.

“Impressive James, you’re a man of many skills.”

“Oh, you have no idea, Loco.”

“No,” Shepard agreed, his voice slightly lower, “but I’d like to.”

James felt himself flush, “we’ll get to that, dinner first.”

“Sure. I’m afraid I don’t have a real table and chairs, did you want to go to the couches?”

“Lead the way,” James grabbed the plates while Shepard took the beers.

“Always do,” Shepard descended the two steps, reading the label of the drinks, “Canadian? These must be from Kaidan.”

James put down the plates, “he wanted our evening to be “perfect” and insisted that no burgers are complete without a beer to go with them. Then he went on a rant about how it had been so long since he had a steak sandwich he couldn’t even remember which animal they came from anymore.”

Shepard snorted, “sounds like Kaidan. He’s very serious about his steak sandwiches.”

James sat and gestured for Shepard to join him, “well, if this date goes well maybe I’ll get Esteban to source more beef to thank him for the beers.”

“Careful with that, he might leave Steve at the thought.”

James shook his head, “wedding bells in their future, for sure.”

“I think so, too.” Shepard agreed, lifting the top bun of his burger, “so this is real beef?

“Yep, your first time having it?”

Shepard nodded, picking up the burger and taking a tentative bite. James held his breath as Shepard chewed, then closed his eyes and let out a groan which sent James’ thoughts spinning.

“Oh my god,” Shepard looked at James, “this is amazing.”

James smiled, “damn straight it is, I made it.”

Shepard raised his beer in a toast, “to trying new things.”

“For both of us,” James agreed, and with a small clink of the bottles, they both tucked into their dinner.

***

“You know, I would marry you right now for another one of those,” Shepard pointed to his now empty plate.

“How is it that you grew up on earth and never had real beef before?”

Shepard shrugged, “I didn’t have a great childhood, really wasn’t any money around for that kind of thing.”

“Joker mentioned you were in a gang?”

“Yeah, until I was about 17.”

“I never knew that.”

“If you think about it,” Shepard finished his beer before walking over to the small fridge in the corner and pulling out a bottle of wine, holding it up in question to James. At his nod, he retrieved two glasses and walked back to the couches, sitting next to James. “You really don’t know much about me outside of my military background.”

“Does anyone?” James asked, “I’ve read everything ever written about the Normandy. Your background is never included.”

“No, it’s not,” Shepard agreed, “because I’ve never really shared it.”

“Tell me?”

“What do you want to know?” Shepard poured them each a glass of wine and leaned back into the couch.

“Where were you born?”

“New York,” Shepard laughed as James almost choked on the sip of wine he had just taken.

“No shit?”

“No shit.”

“Huh, you don’t have the accent.”

“No, but I haven’t lived there for 14 years.” Shepard took a sip of his wine, “keep going.”

“What were your parents like?”

“I don’t really know,” Shepard shrugged, “I never knew my dad. My mom was a hooker, who by the time I came around, was completed hooked on red sand. Whoever she was before the drugs took over, I don’t know, but I didn’t know her.”

“I’m sorry, I know what that’s like.”

“Your dad, right?” James nodded, “I remembered you mentioning.”

“So who took care of you growing up?”

“No one. Mom died when I was about 12, then I went and joined the 10th Street Reds, did a lot of petty crime to get enough money to survive, slept on the streets, as I got older I started to sell red sand to try and make life a bit easier. Used for a while, but nothing serious.”

“Fuck, that’s…something.”

“It was hard, but it taught me to be self-reliant.”

“So how did you end up with the Alliance?”

Shepard chucked at the memory, “I was at a red sand den, stoned out of my mind when the Alliance raided.”

“Oh shit.”

“Oh shit is right, and you need to remember that I didn’t have a biotic implant at the time, so control,” Shepard shrugged, “was not really a thing.”

“What happened?” James was sitting at the edge of his seat now, engaged.

“I’m trying to get up, right? I can hear the noise from the floor below me, and I assumed it was the cops, so I tried to get my shit and get the fuck out of there. I grab my jacket and sneak to the door just as Admiral Anderson, who was just Commander Anderson at the time, came up the stairs.”

“No way.”

“Yes way.”

“Did he arrest you?”

“No,” Shepard smirked, “I hit him with a biotic blast that sent him back down the stairs, and I jumped out of a second-story window, breaking my leg on landing.”

“Fuck,” James let out a whistle, “so they caught you outside?”

“Nope, I had lived on the streets for years, so I limped to a nearby alleyway, one that you wouldn’t know about unless you had been homeless in New York, and I crashed. Between the pain in my leg, and my high wearing off, I just passed out.”

“And then?”

“It must have been about midnight, and I could hear someone calling for me. Not using my name, but “Hey, son, over here,” and I woke up to Anderson standing at the end of the alley. Of course, there was no fucking way I was going with the Alliance, but at that point, my leg was nasty, and I was stuck.”

“What did Anderson do?”

“He talked to me. He told me that he wasn’t going to arrest me, that he wanted to help me, that he could get my leg fixed and teach me how to use my biotics for something better than drug dealing.”

“Did you say yes?”

“No, I cussed him out.” Shepard shrugged, “I was _just_ 17, and I had been alone for a long time. He seemed honest, but there was no chance I was going to trust him.”

“You’re in an alley, with a broken leg, and you’re arguing with an Alliance Commander.”

“That’s right.”

“But you’re here now, so something must have changed,”

“Anderson sat down at the end of the alley, never coming any closer but just waiting. He told me, “you don’t have to trust me, but I do want to help you, so I’ll wait.” And wait he did, for hours, until the sun came up and my leg was hurting so badly that I figured any help was probably better than dying in that alleyway. I crawled out of the alley to where Anderson had fallen asleep against the wall. I really considered running, just disappearing and having him wake up embarrassed that a drug addict kid had outsmarted him.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I wondered if just this once, someone wasn’t lying to me. I had people offer me help before, mostly when I was begging on the streets, but this was the first guy who sat out in the cold all night to give me the help.” Shepard poured himself another glass of wine and topped up James’glass, “so I woke him up and told him I would listen to what he had to say.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, Anderson talked me into going with him to an Alliance hospital, then he spoke with Admiral Hackett, who was an Admiral at the time, and he came back with this datapad looking all serious. He sits next to me and says, “son, you’re only 17, so I can’t have you enlisted, yet.” And I figure that’s it right? He’s going to fix up my leg, and I’m back on the streets.”

“Sure, but I don’t think that’s what happened, right?” James asked, “because you’re here.”

“Right, so he says, “I want to put forward an application to adopt you. You’re old enough to sign the application, and Admiral Hackett will approve it. You can live with me until you’re 18, and then you can come back to earth, or enlist.” So, I thought about it while they straightened my leg out, and when they were done I signed the application.”

“Holy shit,” James leaned back into the couch, “Admiral Anderson is your Dad?”

“He’s the closest thing to one I have,” Shepard agreed, “so I lived with him on whatever station he was at for about a year, and I enlisted the day after my 18th birthday. You likely know the rest, my military background is public knowledge.”

“Shit, Loco, you’ve lived quite the life.”

“If you think about it, I’ve had two interesting lives.”

“Suppose so,” James stretched his legs out onto the coffee table and pressed his side against Shepard, resting his hand on his thigh, “any more wine?”

“I’m afraid we’ve killed the bottle,” Shepard gently shook the empty container to prove his point, “there was one thing I wanted to bring up before we got into this.” Shepard gestured at the space between them.

“You snore?”

“Used too, Cerberus fixed that.”

“Okay, so what’s up?”

Shepard took James’ hand and laced their fingers together, “you know better than most that I’m at the front line of this war. I just wanted to make it really clear that there is a very good chance I won't make it out of this.”

James felt his fingers grasp Shepard’s a little tighter, “you don’t know that.”

“No, I don’t,” Shepard agreed, “but I do know that if there is ever a time, or a situation, where it’s me or someone else on the crew, that it’s going to me. It’s going to be me every time.”

“Like with Joker?”

“Like with Joker.” Shepard traced his thumb over the back of James’ hand, “If you don’t want to get involved, I’ll respect that.”

“Loco, with all this shit going on, either of us could die tonight. I don’t see how that’s any different from any other day. I don’t see why it should stop us from enjoying this.”

“Okay,” Shepard pulled James to standing, “I just needed to put it out there. Now, I believe I promised you a movie.”

“Oh yeah,” James looked around, “you got a screen?”

Shepard pointed to the display case containing dozens of carefully assembled model ships and brought up his Omni-tool, pressing a button turning the screen on.

“Neat.”

“Cerberus had a few good ideas,” Shepard led James to the bed and James felt a wash of anxiety.

“Loco?”

“You’re not going to be able to watch the movie from the couch without breaking your neck,” realizing the cause of James anxiety he added, “I don’t expect you to sleep with me James, I just want us to be comfortable.”

“Okay, sorry,” James blushed, “that’s still new…territory for me.”

“We won't rush anything,” Shepard promised, pulling James close and wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

James brought his hands to Shepard’s hips, squeezing gently. They weren’t as soft or as curved as he was used too, but something was thrilling about the dense muscles that he found instead, “you know, Loco, I’m _really_ on board with the kissing thing.”

“Yeah?” Shepard smiled, gently raising James' chin.

“Yeah,” James closed the space between them, licking Shepard’s bottom lip.

Shepard kissed with a singular focus which made James’ knees weak, his tongue seemingly in two places at once wringing a desperate moan from him.

James pulled back, “okay, how do you _do _that?”

“Do what?”

“Kiss like that!”

“Oh,” Shepard stuck out his tongue, and much to James’ surprise he found that it had two sides, split up the middle.

“The fuck?”

Shepard laughed at that, taking a step back, kicking off his boots and dropping onto the bed, “it’s really amazing what you think is a good idea when you’re high on red sand.”

“Cerberus redid it?” James followed Shepard, sitting on the bed to remove his boots before reclining back against the soft pillows.

“Miranda said they weren’t sure why I had it done, and it seemed safer to redo it, just in case.”

“Why did you get it?”

“Figured it would make blow jobs better.”

James felt himself blush a bright red,_ that_ was an interesting mental image, “does it?”

“Oh yeah,” Shepard was busy pulling up his Omni-tool, looking through a list of movie titles, “it’s like two people at once right? Two tongues.”

“_Dios Mio_,” James took a deep breath.

“Intrigued?”

“You have no idea.”

“Maybe next time,” Shepard leaned to show James the list of movies, “any preference?”

“Blasto?”

“Really?” Shepard snorted, “no accounting for taste.”

“Well, you’re the one dating me, so what does that say about you?”

“That I’m a sucker for beautiful men with tattoos.”

“You think I’m beautiful, Loco?” James turned and batted his eyelashes dramatically at Shepard.

“Yes,” Shepard answered honestly, “because you are. Now come here.”

Shepard pulled James down to rest against his chest, and okay, this was different, but James felt himself relax at the sound of the opening credits of the movie and the sound of Shepard’s heartbeat under his ear.

Within minutes, he was asleep.


	7. When things go wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to alilypea. 
> 
> Advance warning, there are scenes of injury, surgery, blood, and gore within this chapter. If that is something that makes you upset- you can skip this one and not miss too much.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James woke up in stages, the feeling of a strong thumb rubbing the knots behind his right shoulder blade. James moved his arm up the warm body he was wrapped around, giving more access to sore spot before he realized, _hey, there’s someone else here._

That gave him pause, and he waited with his eyes closed and steady breathing as his brain supplied the needed details.

He had been on a date with Shepard last night, they had burgers, and they were going to watch a movie, and…he had fallen asleep. On Shepard. On their first real date.

Fuck.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” Shepard’s voice was low and gravely, “you can stop pretending to be asleep.”

James tilted his head up from where it was still on Shepard’s chest. He had fallen asleep where he had first rested his head and not moved all night.

Shepard looked down at him past the datapad he was reading and smiled.

“Good sleep?”

James nodded and closed his eyes as Shepard’s thumb found the heart of the knot in his shoulder, pushing hard until it gave way under pressure.

“I really didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

“It’s alright, you must have needed it.”

“What time is it?” James asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“0600.”

“Fuck, did you even get any sleep?”

“More than I usually do,” Shepard stretched as James sat up, his back letting out a series of pops.

James looked around the quarters, “I don’t even remember the opening credits.”

“I don’t think you were awake for them. As soon as you hit my chest, you were done,” Shepard let out a chuckle, “it was sweet.”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Loco, you know the entire crew is going to say we fucked last night.”

“Let them,” Shepard shrugged, “I wasn’t going to keep our relationship a secret.” At James’ silence, Shepard asked, “were you?”

“No, but you know there are regulations for this kind of thing, we could get in trouble.”

“I’m a Specter,” Shepard winked, “I don’t have to follow all of the Alliance protocols.”

“I do,” James sounded concerned.

“Hmm,” Shepard stood and walked to his desk, fiddling with something outside of James’ view. “I could get approval from an Admiral if that would make you feel better.”

James snorted, “Yeah, right, you’re just going to call up Hackett and tell him that we’re dating?”

“Yes.”

That pulled James up short, “oh.”

“I don’t have to,” Shepard returned to where James was sitting on the bed and passed him a cup of coffee, “but if it makes you feel better, I will.”

James took a sip of the coffee and groaned, “Is this real coffee?”

“As real as the burgers from last night,” Shepard confirmed, “it’s about the only thing that gets me up in the morning…other than you.”

Shepard laughed as James struggled to swallow the coffee he had just drunk, “seriously, James, we’re in the middle of a war. I don’t think the Alliance brass is out looking to take their best soldiers out to write them up over a romance. If it makes you feel better though, I’ll make a call.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Shepard downed the rest of the coffee from his cup, “now as much as I’ve enjoyed our morning, I’ve got a mission in 45 minutes, and I need to get my gear.”

“Am I coming?”

“Not this time, Tali has been asking to get off of the ship, and if I don’t get Garrus away from that canon, I worry that he may take his relationship with it to the next level.”

“Oh,” James looked at his cup.

“What?”

“I guess I’m…worried?” James stood, rolling his now pain-free shoulder.

“I go on missions all the time.”

“I know.”

“So why are you worried about this time?” Shepard rinsed out his cup, “I’m just evacuating some civilians from a colony on Benning. Should be an easy in and out.”

“Yeah, but this is the first time you’ve been off the ship, without me, since this started.” James waved at the space between them, “It feels different.”

“I’ll be careful,” Shepard walked over to James, placing his hands on his waist and pulling him close. “I should be back by lunch.”

James traced the lines of the muscle on Shepard’s arm, still tentative at being able to touch Shepard, “I’ll have lunch ready.”

“Sounds amazing.”

***

_Easy in and out my ass,_ James thought as he waited in the armoury. There had been a crackled call for a medical evac from Garrus, and Steve wasn’t answering his calls for more details. Right now, James didn’t know who was hurt, only that someone was.

“Coming in hot, Joker, open the shuttle bay door,” Steve’s voice finally came over comm unit, “better get Dr. Chakwas down here, Shepard’s been hit. He’s bleeding out all over the shuttle.”

“John!” James tried to raise Shepard over the comms.

“I’m fine,” Shepard responded, “Steve is just exaggerating.”

He didn’t sound fine; his response was short, and slightly breathless.

“ETA 10 seconds.” Steve reported, “EDI, get Chakwas down here.”

“She is en route.”

James held onto the bulkhead as the door opened, a rush of wind threatening to pull him from the Normandy. With practiced ease, Steve landed the Kodiak in the ship, and the shuttle bay door closed behind him.

The side door of the Kodiak flung open, and Garrus jumped out calling for him, “Vega?”

“Scars?”

“Get over here and help me carry him.”

James sprinted to the Kodiak, peering inside. On the floor of the shuttle, with a panicked Tali holding a towel to his side, was Shepard. James tried to avoid looking at how much blood was on the towel.

“Fuck,” James stepped into the shuttle, kneeling beside Shepard, “easy in and out?”

“It’s my fault,” Tali started, “I wasn’t paying attention, my shields went down. Cerberus was there, one of their engineers set up a turret and Shepard blocked the shot that was going to hit me. I should have paid attention.”

“Only one shot?” James carefully took off Shepard’s helmet, showing an alert, but pale, Shepard.

“Two, I think,” John winced, “it hurts more than one, and I’ve been shot enough to know.”

“Shepard,” Dr. Chakwas appeared at the shuttle doors, “I brought the stretcher down, we’re going to need to get you on it so I can get you to the med bay.”

“I can walk,” Shepard made to sit up, stopped by James’ hand on his chest.

“No, you can let me put you on the stretcher.”

Shepard glared at him for a moment, before sighing, “fine, but someone should probably keep the pressure on my side. I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing keeping everything where it should be.”

“Tali, keep the pressure, we’re going to move together, ready on three,” James put his arms under Shepard, one under his neck, one under his knees.

Tali nodded, “ready.”

“One, two, three,” James lifted, straining under the weight of Shepard and his gear, moving slowly out of the shuttle and to the stretcher, placing him down as gently as he could.

“Right, let's go,” Dr. Chakwas pushed the stretcher towards the elevator, “I will need someone to help me remove his gear, EDI can you please come down if you’re available, I will need a second set of hands for surgery.”

“Of course,” EDI agreed, “I will be there, momentarily.”

“Surgery?” Shepard groaned, “can’t you just put a plug in it or something?”

“Commander,” Dr. Chakwas pushed the stretcher into the elevator, Tali and James close behind her, “if you would stop getting shot you would find that your occurrence of surgeries would be considerably less.”

“Yeah, I know,” Shepard shifted slightly, “I, uh, think there’s blood pooling in my armour. My hands are getting cold too. We may need to expedite this a bit.”

“Did you apply medi-gel to it?”

“No, we only brought three, Tali and Garrus needed them.”

“You mean to tell me that not only were you shot, but you have done nothing to stop the bleeding?” Dr. Chakwas was glaring at Shepard, “I’m sure from your extensive N7 training, you are well aware of how dangerous that is.”

“Yes, mom,” Shepard closed his eyes, “I’m aware that bleeding out and getting shot is not ideal. So is having your crew die.”

Dr. Chakwas didn’t have a reply to that.

Arriving at the medical bay, EDI was waiting outside, “I’m ready to be of assistance.”

“Wonderful, thank you, EDI, please close the shutters.”

James looked through the med bay windows into the packed mess hall as EDI pressed a button to render them a pure white, “are you even able to do surgery on the Normandy?”

“Lieutenant, I could, and have, done surgery during an active fire-fight. The Normandy is downright luxury compared to my prior military career.” Dr. Chakwas gathered various supplies from the med-bay, placing them on a cart while EDI prepared what James assumed was anesthesia.

“I need you to _carefully_ take off his armour. Tali, try and keep the pressure on the best you can.”

James nodded and started on the latches by Shepard’s shoulder, the usual hiss of pressurization missing with the various breaches to the suit. Removing each arm and placing the armour on the bed next to them he moved to the seal at Shepard’s neck only to find Shepard watching him.

“Have to say, James,” Shepard sounded breathless, “not how I pictured you getting me naked for the first time.”

“Laugh it up, Loco,” James undid both seals to loosen the chest plate, then moved to the coupling that attached the chest piece to the bottom half of the armour, “I’m about to know all your secrets.”

“I think you already do.”

“Okay, Tali, we’re going to move fast here,” James put his hand on the front chest piece, “I’m going to pull the front off, then I’ll slide out the bottom. You’re going to have to let go for a minute once I go to move it.”

“Okay,” Tali’s hand shook, “Say when.”

James pulled off the front of the chest piece, and he could see that Shepard had been right. The black undersuit Shepard typically wore was saturated with enough blood it had taken on a faint red tinge. The armour made a wet suction noise as it was lifted.

“Doc, there is a lot of blood here.”

“How much is “a lot”?”

“I’ve never seen someone lose this much and get up again.” James could hear his voice crack, and moved to the bottom part of the armour, taking a bracing breath, “ready?”

Tali nodded, and James placed one arm under Shepard’s neck, lifting his weight from his shoulders quickly pulling the back half of the armour from under Shepard’s back.

“_Keelah,_” Tali swore as a rush of blood came from the wound on Shepard’s side, struggling to cover it again.

The leg armour was easier to remove, each piece carefully placed on the table next to Shepard as Dr. Chakwas moved her tools next to Shepard and went to put on an operating gown and scrub in with the help of Tali.

“I hate surgery,” Shepard’s voice was weak, the blood loss inhibiting his usual professional demeanor, “always worried I’ll wake up in another Cerberus facility.”

“You’ll be okay, Loco,” James took hold of Shepard’s hand, “besides, we have a lunch date today. You can’t be late.”

“I think I might be, a bit.” Shepard smiled slightly, just a brief upturn of the corners of his mouth, “then we’ll be even for you falling asleep on me last night.”

“That’s fair.”

“Alright, you two,” Dr. Chakwas and EDI approached, “we’ll take it from here.”

“Can I stay?” James didn’t let go of Shepard’s hand.

“I’m afraid not, Lieutenant,” Dr. Chakwas took a reading of Shepard’s vital signs, “I promise to let you know as soon as we’re finished.”

“Alright,” James squeezed Shepard’s hand, and after a moment of consideration of the people around him leaned forwards and kissed Shepard’s forehead, “I’ll see you for lunch, Loco.”

“Counting on it,” Shepard closed his eyes as EDI placed a mask over his mouth and nose, the grip on James’ hand going slack.

Dr. Chakwas took over holding the towel from Tali, “go on you two, it will only take longer if you keep delaying.”

James nodded and wrapped his arm around Tali who was now softly crying, the sound distorted by her mask, leading her to the door.

Garrus, Steve and Kaidan were waiting in the mess hall, all standing as James led Tali over, allowing Garrus to take the Quarian into his arms.

“What’s happening?” Kaidan’s eyes looked to the white-out windows of the med-bay.

“He’s in surgery,” James looked down at his hands, a crust of blood drying on them, “Dr. Chakwas will let us know when he’s out.”

“He’ll be okay,” Steve patted him on the shoulder, “he’s in good hands.”

“Yeah,” James flexed his fingers, watching the dried blood fracture and flake off, “I guess I should go clean up.”

“It’s all my fault,” Tali shook her head, “I should have watched. Those damn _boshtets _always have engineers.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sparks,” James went to take her hand before thinking better of it, “we’re soldiers, this is what happens.”

“He should have let me take the shot!”

“Never gonna happen. He told me any chance of him or one of us, it’s going to be him. He’s seen enough names go up on that wall,” James pointed to the memorial wall, “he’s not going to let any of us go if he can avoid it.”

“Sounds like Shepard,” Garrus agreed, “always was stubborn,”

“Yeah, well, from the sounds of it, his stubborn saved your lady love today,” James looked to the med-bay.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Steve took James by the shoulder, “Shepard isn’t going to want to hold your hand if you’re all covered in blood.”

“Okay,” James allowed himself to be led to the showers, looking at the locked door of the med-bay as he walked by.

***

“It’s been three hours,” James was pacing the mess hall, “_three hours_.”

“I know, James, but your pacing isn’t making it go any faster,” Steve spoke from where he was sitting next to Kaidan, “why don’t you have something to eat while you wait.”

“My boyfriend is in surgery, and you want me to eat?!”

“James,” Steve reasoned, “I understand that you’re worried.”

“Of course I’m fucking worried.”

“That doesn’t mean that you can fall to pieces. James, you’ve only been on like one date. We’re in the middle of a war, these kinds of things are going to happen.”

“I know,” James shouted, the volume of his voice startling some of the nearby crew.

James sighed and dropped into the seat across from Steve, “I know I have to hold it together.”

“James, he’s going to be fine.”

“You know,” Kaidan chimed in, “you’re pretty taken with him for such a short relationship. I’d expect to see this kind of reaction if you had been together for a while. Not two days.”

James groaned and buried his head in his crossed arms on the table, “I know.”

“How long exactly have you had a thing for John?”

James’ answer was blocked mainly by his arms.

“What?”

James turned his head, but still didn’t meet Kaidan’s gaze, “Shepard was grounded for six months. I started as his guard two days into him being earthside. I guess…” James blew out a breath, “I realized I liked him more than hero worship about a month in.”

“You’ve been carrying a torch for the Commander for…” Steve did the math in his head, “like 7 months?”

“Guess so.”

Steve let out a low whistle, “you never told me that.”

“I thought I would get over it.”

“Crushes don’t usually last half a year,” Kaidan pointed out, “are you sure that you’re not into love territory?”

“Oh, I’m sure.”

“Sure?”

“Sure that I’m in love territory.”

“Does John know?”

“Of course not,” James looked at Kaidan, “and don’t you be telling him.”

“I wouldn’t,” Kaidan held up his hands, “but you should.”

“Oh yeah, sounds like a great plan, Major. Hey John, I know we’ve been on like one date, but I’m totally in love with you. Let’s get married and have babies. That doesn’t seem, oh I don’t know, clingy, crazy, over the top, insane.”

Kaidan shrugged, “I know John. He’s not likely to think that you’re in love with him because of one date. He’s smart enough to figure out that this is something that has built up over the past few months.”

“Yeah, and he if he isn’t on the same page I could blow it before it even starts.” James shook his head, “no way, we need some time for this to settle before I tell him anything.”

“If you say so, I still thin-“ Kaidan’s thought was cut off by the med-bay door opening, a tired Dr. Chakwas coming through the doors.

“Doc?”

“All done. It was worse than it looked, one of the shots had managed to lacerate his liver and he had lost a lot of blood. I’ve mended the worst of the damage, given him some synthesized blood to hold him over as he recovers. He’s going to be out of commission for about a week, but he is going to be fine.”

James felt the tension in his shoulders relax slighty, “that’s a relief.”

“He’s asking to see you,” Dr. Chakwas sat down, taking a cup of coffee from Kaidan gratefully.

“He’s already awake?”

“Biotics burn through medications quickly. He’s in for a painful recovery, I can’t keep the pain relief drugs in his system as fast as his metabolism and cybernetics burn them off.”

“Can he eat?”

“Not yet, he’ll need a few more hours. Still, I’m sure some company would be appreciated.”

James stood, pausing briefly, “thanks for patching him up, Doc.”

Dr. Chakwas nodded, “of course. Now get in there.”

James made his way to the med bay, walking through the doors as they slid open to reveal a half-asleep Shepard wrapped up in multiple blankets on a bed at the end of the ward. Taking Dr. Chakwas chair, James sat next to Shepard.

“Hey,” Shepard opened one eye and looked at him, “sorry I missed lunch.”

“It’s okay,” James shrugged, “I fell asleep on a date once. I think that’s worse than missing lunch for surgery.”

“Lucky date,” Shepard closed his eyes and settled further into the blankets, “I can think of worse things than having a gorgeous man fall asleep on him.”

James slid a hand under the blanket, finding Shepard’s hand lacing their fingers together, “I think it’s your turn to sleep, John.”

“I’m not tired,” Shepard let out a long yawn.

“Yes, you are.” James traced patterns on the back of Shepard’s hand with this thumb, “it’s ok, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Shepard replied with a soft snore.

When Steve and Kaidan came in to check on the two later, they found Shepard asleep, with James leaning back in the Doctors chair, snoring slightly, still holding Shepard’s hand.


	8. Medbay Sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to alilypea for fixing my shit. 
> 
> Thank you everyone who has left lovely comments and kudos. It helps me keep going as I'm dealing with some health issues.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“James,” a soft female voice called him from sleep, “Lieutenant, wake up.”

James rubbed a hand over his face and opened his eyes. He was in the med bay, Shepard still asleep on the bed next to him. James’ back screaming from where he had fallen asleep on Dr. Chakwas’ chair.

“Oh, sorry, Doc,” James stood up, “I guess you want your chair back.”

“What I want is to do is get you a bed,” Dr. Chakwas gestured to the bed across the room, “if you move, I’ll bring it over for you.”

“Oh,” James moved the chair back to the desk as Dr. Chakwas skillfully moved the bed next to Shepard’s, “Is that allowed?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, shouldn’t you be kicking me out?”

Dr. Chakwas smiled, putting down a pillow and a blanket, “this is the first time in my many years of working with the Commander where I have seen him actually sleep when I told him too. If that is because you are in the ward with him, I believe it is my right as his primary physician to facilitate whatever is required for his healing.”

James stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, “_gracias_, but I don’t know what Shepard would think of the crew being able to walk in on us sleeping together.”

“He wouldn’t mind, you should have heard him babbling about you when he was coming out of the sedation.” Dr. Chakwas walked over and patted James on the shoulder, “but, if it makes you feel better, I will lock the ward and leave the shutters on the windows. The only people who will be able to get into the med bay tonight is EDI and I.”

James looked at Shepard, some of his colour had returned to his face, but he still had a pained expression, even in sleep.

“James,” Dr. Chakwas looked at him with kind eyes, “the crew is made of kind people who have wanted nothing but the best for Shepard. He has decided that you are what he wants. To be blunt, you could very likely have marital relations in the mess hall, and the crew would just be happy that the Commander is happy.”

James felt himself flush, “I wouldn’t do that.”

“I know you wouldn’t, Lieutenant,” Dr. Chakwas walked to Shepard, taking a reading of his vitals, “lets put it this way, if anyone says anything, I will deal with them.”

Strangely, that made James feel better.

“Okay,” James walked over to the bed and kicked off his boots before settling next to Shepard, “anything I should watch for?”

“Fevers are hard to tell in biotics, they run hot anyway. The Commander heals quickly due to the Cerberus modifications. You’ll likely find him mostly back to normal by tomorrow.”

Shepard woke slightly, “James?”

“I’m here, Loco.”

“Do you have to go?”

“No, we’re having a sleepover tonight.” James gently ran his hand over Shepard’s shoulder.

“Sounds nice,” Shepard was drifting off again.

“Goodnight, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas made her way to the door, “Lieutenant, I’ll be back at 0500.”

“Sounds good, night Doc.”

The door slid shut, locking as Karen walked from view. James settled in for the night.

***

“Karin, for the last time, I’m fine. I get shot all the time, it comes with the job,” Shepard’s voice was quiet but firm.

“Commander, that was worse than your usual, and you know that,” Dr. Chakwas sounded equally annoyed, “I need to change your bandage to stop an infection.”

“You’ll wake up James. After the day he had yesterday, he could use the sleep.”

“I’m up,” James rolled on his back, “don’t argue with the Doctor who saved your life, Loco.”

“I thought you were on my side,” Shepard pouted, actually _pouted_, pulling a laugh from James.

“I’m on your side until you’re arguing with Dr. Chakwas.”

“Traitor.”

“Yeah, yeah, stop being a stubborn ass and let her change your bandages.” James kicked his feet off the bed and into his boots.

“Fine, but you owe me breakfast for betraying me,” Shepard moved so Dr. Chakwas could work on the bandage.

“Yes, dear,” James walked to the door, “want anything specific?”

“Anything, so long as there’s a lot of it.”

“I see you’re mostly back to normal then,” James stretched.

“I just don’t like going hungry when I can avoid it.” There was something in Shepard’s voice that gave James pause.

“No problem, John. I’ll scratch up something delicious. Dr. Chakwas?”

“I’m fine, thank you, James.”

Twenty minutes later, James walked back into the med bay with the biggest tray of food he could manage to carry. Eggs, bacon, toast, fruit, and a cup of coffee carefully balanced as he walked toward Shepard.

“That looks amazing,” Shepard was sitting up now, and his stomach let out a growl.

“Your wish is my demand, or however that goes,” James set the tray on Shepard’s lap.

“I feel like our entire relationship so far is you feeding me.”

“I’m okay with that if you are,” James shrugged, “someone has to take care of you while you take care of everyone else.”

Shepard hummed around a mouth full of food, “I appreciate it.”

“I know you do.”

“You two are so sweet that I feel vaguely sick,” Dr. Chakwas spoke from her desk, “I didn’t know that you were such an accomplished cook, James.”

“It’s actually how I enlisted originally. I wanted to be involved with guns and modifications, but I had limited experience. The recruitment office near me had a sign up for cooks, though. I went for it.”

“I wish I had you on the SR1, and the SR2 for that matter,” Shepard took a bite of bacon, “the appetite increase from Cerberus’ mods were awful, and Rupert couldn’t cook worth shit. I think I lived off of biotic energy bars for six weeks.”

“Why did Cerberus up your appetite? Sight or something I could understand, but appetite?”

“Miranda told me it wasn’t on purpose. I wasn’t technically “done” when I woke up. The facility they were re-building me in was under attack, so I had to get up and go. It meant that some of my modifications weren’t totally complete. Then the collectors arrived and finishing off those smaller details seemed like they could wait.” Shepard smirked, “and then I told the Illusive Man to go fuck himself, and they left me as I was.”

“So, what else was different?”

“Oh man, lots of things,” Shepard placed the now empty tray aside and leaned back against the wall, counting on his fingers. “I can see in the dark, I can hear through walls, I have a limited thermal vision, my biotic implant is an untested beta model which lets me do all kinds of new biotic skills, and unlike Kaidan and Jack, I can do it without moving my arms.”

“That all sounds awesome.”

“That’s only half of it,” Shepard chuckled, “it’s not all good. I also have to deal with the hunger I get from putting out more biotic energy, and because of all the modifications I don’t store a lot of fat, so I can’t even build up a reserve for an emergency situation. They also didn’t scale down my strength implants in my muscles, so if I’m not very careful, I could easily break…well everything.”

“Could you get them changed?”

“Sure, I could, and I will, after the war, but for right now, the additional biotic ability and strength might be something we need out in the field. So, I will deal with the downfalls for now.” Shepard looked to Dr. Chakwas, “when can James spring me from the med bay?”

“You’re free to leave now, Commander, but no active combat for a week,” Dr. Chakwas held up a hand to stop Shepard from complaining, “no. Don’t argue with me, Shepard.”

Shepard sighed, “fine. James, can you run up to my quarters and get me a change of clothes? I’m not leaving here in a backless gown. I couldn’t live with the jokes the crew will come up with.”

“Sure, will I be able to get in?”

“EDI,” Shepard called, “please give James full access to my quarters.”

“Of course, Shepard.”

James nodded and made his way to the elevator. When he arrived at Shepard’s quarters, the door slid open at his presence. It was a little awkward to be walking through Shepard’s room without him being there, given how new their relationship was, but if Shepard was comfortable James could get over it.

Walking to the dresser James opened he top drawer, pausing momentarily before reaching in to retrieve a black pair of underwear and tucking them under his arm. Out of the corner of his eye, a box caught his attention. James recognized it, as he had a similar box in his bedside cabinet for years. James picked up the box of condoms and turned it over in his hands. The box was still sealed, and judging by the expiry date, pretty old.

_Interesting,_ James thought to himself, _one hell of a dry patch._

Beside the box of condoms was a bright blue bottle, picking it up, James noted it was a bottle of lube, and counter to the condoms, this had been used, half the bottle empty.

“The Commander is asking if you got lost,” EDIs voice came from the corner of the room, causing James to jump, almost dropping the bottle.

“I’m coming,” James stashed the condoms and lube back where he had found them and made a mental note to have that conversation with Steve before grabbing the rest of Shepard’s clothes and headed back to the med bay.

“Everything okay?” Shepard eyed James as he walked into the ward.

“Of course, Loco, just trying to find some clean clothes.” James was lying, Shepard knew he was lying. Thankfully, Shepard decided to let him get away with it.

“Yeah yeah, whatever you say, James.” Shepard pulled back the sheets and sat on the edge of the bed, carefully pulling his underwear on in a way that would avoid flashing Dr. Chakwas.

“Your modesty always makes me smile, Commander.” Dr. Chakwas chuckled from her desk where she was watching him in the reflection of her monitor, “I have seen you naked plenty of times during surgery.”

“Just trying to be polite,” Shepard stood and took off the surgical robe, pulling the N7 sweatpants on.

“Oh yes, looking at a lovely muscular body all day, what a hardship.”

Shepard snorted, “Karin, I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“I’m old Commander, not dead, and this crew has a higher than average aesthetic appeal.”

“I could set you up with Grunt,” Shepard laughed as he ducked the thrown pen, “just offering!”

“Get dressed and get out of my ward,” Dr. Chakwas was smiling, “or I’ll tell Grunt you were trying to set him up with a human.”

“He’s my son,” Shepard slowly pulled on his shirt, clearly still tender from the wound on his side, “he would likely take the chance, so I wouldn’t mention it if I were you.”

“Only you would have a Krogan for a son,” James chuckled.

“Laugh it up, Vega, if you’re in this for the long run you’re going to be a dad to a Krogan, too.”

James was glad that Shepard was so busy tying his shoes that he didn’t notice his shocked expression. When Shepard had said he was serious about a relationship, he had clearly meant it. Thankfully, James had always been good at recovering quickly.

“I call dibs on fathers’ day.”

Now it was Shepard’s turn to be surprised, a pause as he was tying his other boot. It took Shepard a second, but he stood up straight and positively _beamed_ at James, “how about alternating years?”

James was willing to do whatever it took to have Shepard smile at him like that again, so he immediately replied with, “deal.”

Shepard looked at his Omni-tool and groaned, “how do I have 114 messages? I was only down for 12 hours.”

“You’re a popular man, Loco.”

“I’m going to have to deal with some of these,” Shepard walked over to James, placing a hand on his shoulder, “meet you for dinner?”

“Absolutely.”

Kissing James on the top of the head, Shepard made his way from the med bay with a farewell wave to Dr. Chakwas.

“So, what’s your plan for the day, Lieutenant?”

“I need to talk to Esteban.”


	9. The one with the awkward conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

_Esteban, do you have some time? – JV_

_For you Mr. Vega? Always. – SC_

_Anywhere we can chat? In private? – JV_

_Sure. Is everything OK? – SC_

_Yeah, just need some help – JV_

_I’m here. -SC. _

James headed down to the armory, already feeling sheepish. James understood how sex worked, he wasn’t an idiot. He had plenty of sex when he was living on Earth, during basic training, and during various shore leaves. James would even go so far as to say that he had an extensive sexual past. With women. Only with women. Therein was the problem.

When he arrived Steve was waiting for him by his usual work station, looking concerned.

“James, everything ok?”

“Fine, Esteban,” James looked everywhere but at Steve’s face, “remember I mentioned that I might need to talk to you later, about some stuff?”

“Stuff?

“You know,” James looked at him now, arching one eyebrow, “_stuff._”

“Wait, you were serious?”

“I was, but if you’re going to make me feel like an idiot about it, then I’ll go ask Joker for some of his vids or something.” James turned to leave, stopped by Steve grabbing his arm.

“Don’t be like that James, I just figured that you were joking. You’ve always been very vocal about your past indiscretions.”

“With women,” James was looking at the floor, frustrated with himself that he couldn’t look Steve in the eye for fear of embarrassing himself.

“Okay,” Steve looked around he armory before settling on the Kodiak, “let’s go in here, we can at least lock the door and chat.”

“Right,” James followed Steve, stepping into the shuttle and dropping heavily into one of the chairs, “this feels like high school health class all over again.”

“I’ll try and make it a little less awkward than that,” Steve sat down next to him, “why don’t you tell me what you _do _know, and we’ll go from there.”

***

Steve had been extremely informative, and James felt slightly better prepared and much more relaxed.

“Question though, Esteban.”

“Shoot.”

“So you have tops and bottoms, what happens if you end up in a relationship where both partners want the same thing?”

Steve rubbed his chin, considering, “to be honest, usually that’s something that comes up in conversation before you start an official relationship. If there is sexual incompatibility, you hope it comes up before feelings really get involved.”

James felt unsettled at that, “so there’s no like, compromise?”

“You either don’t like being a bottom or you do. I’m sure that’s the same with women, they either like anal, or they don’t.” Steve shrugged, “you do get the odd switch, but most people do have something in the way of a preference.”

“How do you decide? If you’re top or bottom?”

“You try both sides,” Steve explained, “that’s kind of what adolescence is about, figuring out your preferences.”

“So what the hell am I meant to do?”

“Talk to Shepard. From what I’ve been told he’s never been with a woman; he’s probably already set on what he prefers. Then you’ll have an idea of what side you’re looking at.”

“Ah fuck,” James winced, “and if I don’t like the answer?”

“You figure it out, or you call it off. Shepard isn’t new to this, James, he’s going to understand that it’s all a shock for you. I’m sure he’s not going to bend you over the nearest table and just go for it.”

The thought made James both anxious and excited.

“How do I start that conversation? Hey, Shepard, your ass or mine?”

Steve snorted, “well, it would work.”

“Not happening, Esteban.”

“Look, he manages an entire galactic war. I’m sure he can handle a grown-up conversation about sex. If you approach him just like you did with me, I’m sure he would be happy to talk to you about what his expectations are.” Steve pat James on the shoulder and moved toward the Kodiak door.

“_Gracias, Esteban_”.

“You’re welcome, Mr. Vega.”

***

James had been on edge all day, the thought of having an awkward conversation twisting his stomach into knots. As dinner approached he thought of a million ways to bring up the conversation with Shepard, none of them seemed right.

The dinner signal _ding_ came through James’ Omni-tool and James took a deep breath before headed up to the mess.

Shepard was already sitting at a table with Steve and Kaidan, an empty seat beside him with a plate of food waiting.

James walked over and took the seat, “this is different.”

“Don’t look at me, I didn’t cook it,” Shepard chuckled, “if I was going to feed you, you’d be sick for days after.”

“It’s true,” Kaidan agreed, “don’t eat anything from Shepard unless it comes pre-packed.”

“Noted,” James looked at the plate in front of him, “not sure this is food either though.”

“Certainly not as good as yours,” Shepard agreed, taking a bite, “but it’s food.”

“How was your first day back on the job, Commander?”

“It’s John,” Shepard took a drink, “and it was fine. I was only gone for 12 hours, and you would have thought the war all but stopped while I was sleeping.”

“It probably did, Loco. You’re the only one who knows what’s up.”

“I don’t really,” Shepard shrugged, “it’s my job to make people feel like I know what I’m doing, what the next step is. Honesty is that for most of my major missions I really just got lucky.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Kaidan wrapped an arm over Steve’s shoulders, “no idea how you’ve pulled off half the shit you’ve managed.”

“Good team and good looks,” Shepard winked at James, who flushed under the attention, “you okay?”

“Just fine, Loco,” James tried for a cocky grin, which judging by the slightly concerned expression on Steve’s face didn’t translate, thankfully Shepard’s attention was turned elsewhere as Dr. Chakwas approached the table and leaned to whisper in Shepard’s ear.

“Shit, okay, thanks for checking,” Shepard nodded, “what time can I come tomorrow?”

“0500,” Dr. Chakwas stood upright, “hopefully if you get some sleep you won't need to see me though.”

“Don’t think that’s likely, Karen, but I’ll do my best.”

“I’m sorry Commander, you just can’t risk it.”

“I trust you. I’ll be fine.”

Dr. Chakwas nodded and walked to get her own dinner, before joining Liara and Samantha at a table on the other end of the hall.

“Everything okay, John?” Kaidan asked.

“Yeah, meds are wearing off faster than Karen thought, Cerberus shit. I asked her to see if I could take anything before bed so I can actually sleep.” Shepard pointed at Kaidan with his fork, “turns out, getting shot in the side and splitting your liver in two is actually _really fucking painful_.”

“No shit,” Kaidan laughed, “I don’t think getting shot is ever nice.”

“Even breathing hurts,” Shepard moved to stretch his side, wincing, “never mind arguing with the council all afternoon. I think my shoulders are made of cement.”

“I could help with that,” James’ mouth moved before he could stop it.

“Don’t try and tell me that you’re as talented at massage as you are at cooking. I won’t believe you,” Shepard took the final bite of his food, pushing his plate to the side, “no one gets to be that beautiful and talented. It’s fucking rude for the rest of us.”

James laughed at that, some of the tension in his stomach loosening, “oh I’m very good with my hands, just ask Esteban.”

“You realize how that sounds, right James?” Steve asked, “we’re sitting next to our boyfriends and you’re telling them that I know how good you are with your hands. You don’t think that may lead to some questions?”

Kaidan was laughing, “I knew there was something between you two, no one spends as much time looking at James’ abs as you do.”

“Hey, you both know Shepard is the first guy I’ve been with, and I work hard for those abs.”

“I’m sure you do,” Shepard stood, “I’m going to go lay down before I’m stuck at the table all night. Kaidan, you good for me to direct emergency calls your way, or do you want me to ask Garrus?”

“I’m good, Steve and I were just going to hang out in the observation deck anyway.”

“Thanks, feel free to come up when you’re done.” Shepard spoke to James, “I likely won’t be sleeping tonight anyway.”

“Will do.”

With a nod and a wave, Shepard walked to the elevator and out of sight.

“You need to chill the fuck out Vega,” Steve looked over his shoulder at where Shepard had just left, “it’s so obvious you’re uncomfortable about something.”

“I’m trying!” James ran a hand through his hair, “it’s just awkward to even think about, never mind talk about.”

“James, you need to _think_. Remember what Shepard told you when you came to him. The last boyfriend got all weird when it came to talking about sex and shattered his heart into a million pieces.” Steve tapped the side of his head with a finger to illustrate his point, “and now, you’re acting all sketchy, right around the time when you two would have your third date.”

“Ah. Didn’t think about that.”

“Clearly,” Steve tapped James in the chest across the table, “chill out, think about it, and bring it up like a grown-up. If you’re going to do a relationship, a _real_ relationship, you’re going to have to learn how to talk about uncomfortable issues.”

James nodded and stood, “I can do this.”

“Fuck yeah you can,” Steve patted James on the arm, “now go talk to your man.”

***

“EDI, can you let Shepard know I’m here?”

“No need, Lieutenant. The Commander has not revoked your access to his quarters.”

“I don’t want to walk in on him if he’s in the middle of a private moment.”

“The Commander is currently sitting on the edge of his bed.”

“Right,” James steeled himself and walked into the room, the door opening and closing quietly behind him.

“Loco,” James took the steps to Shepard, where, true to EDIs word, Shepard was sitting with his head in his hands, “you okay?”

“If by okay, you mean in lots of pain, yes,”

James looked around the room, “you got any lotion or anything?”

Shepard nodded, “in the bathroom.”

James retrieved the bottle from the bathroom vanity and returned to Shepard, “you’re going to need to take off your shirt and lay down on the bed.”

Had James not been watching Shepard for signs of struggle while Shepard reached for the bottom of his shirt, he would have missed the slight pause as he did what James asked.

Shepard carefully dropped onto the bed turning his head to one side and crossing his arms as a pillow.

“Awful quiet there, Loco. You okay?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing. You seemed off at dinner.”

James sat beside Shepard rather than straddling his back, careful of the bandage still taped to his side.

“I had a …interesting conversation with Esteban today.”

“Oh?” Shepard let out a groan as James warmed the lotion between his hands and started rubbing his tense shoulders.

“Yeah,” James tried to put his thoughts into words, “you know I’m new at this, and I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing.”

“In a relationship?”

“In the bedroom,” James clarified.

“Oh,” the tension in Shepard’s shoulders increased slightly, “and?”

“It poses some questions, I guess?”

“Well, ask away. If it’s making you uncomfortable, we need to talk about it.”

“Not sure where to start…” James focused on a knot, something catching his attention under this thumb, “huh.”

“What?”

“Is that…do you…are there lights in your skin?”

Shepard’s whole body locked at that, a jolt which James felt through the bed.

“Loco?”

“Yeah, they’re my cybernetics.” Shepard sounded guarded and James realized they bothered him, “they follow the lines of the reconstruction scars, and some of my spine where they replaced the missing parts.”

“You don’t have to explain…”

“No it’s fine, I just try and avoid people seeing them.”

“Why?”

“Because most people are reminded of husks. When Garrus noticed them for the first time he thought I was indoctrinated.”

James let out a low whistle, “that’s harsh. Can’t say I’ve ever noticed them before though.”

“You wouldn’t, they’re only obvious in low light. When I’m the only light source around.”

“I think they look kinda cool,” James leaned closer to look along the lines of the scars which crisscrossed Shepard’s back, and yeah, there were a lot of them. Between the extensive scars, James counted 30 lights in various shades and depths.

Shepard snorted, “you don’t need to lie. I know they’re weird.”

“No,” James ran his hands over the span of his back, “They remind me of space, like stars.”

Shepard didn’t respond for a moment, the room filled with the sounds of their breathing and James’ hands as they rubbed Shepard’s back. After a few minutes, there was a quiet “thanks,” from Shepard.

“You’re welcome.”

“If you like those ones, you'll love it when I turn over.”

“Why?”

“You’ll see. Why don’t you tell me about this conversation with Steve?”

“Yeah, so, about that…”

“Top.”

“What?” James froze his hand's mid upstroke.

“That’s what’s bothering you, right? You want to know if I’m a top or a bottom and you don’t know how to ask.”

“Right,” James agreed, “you’ve never bottomed?”

“Once or twice. Not in this body though.”

“Ah, right.” James resumed his massage, “have you done anything in the new-you?”

“No.”

“So we’re both new to this, then?”

“Guess so,” Shepard agreed, “but I do know what I’m doing at least.”

James winced, “I’m willing to learn.”

“I’m willing to teach. So, what answer were you expecting?”

“What?”

“Did you think I was a top or a bottom?”

James flushed, “I wasn’t sure. I don’t really know enough to make an opinion. I kinda assumed you would be a top, I mean you lead everything.”

“True,” Shepard glanced at James, “but a lot of people who like to lead in their day to day life like to be taken care of in bed.”

“Not you?”

“No, I’m too much of a control freak,” Shepard sighed into the massage, “this was just what I needed.”

“Well we’re just about done, I don’t want to overdo it and mess with your wound.” James wiped the excess lotion over his arms, and gently pushed Shepard on his not-injured side, “flip over. I want to see what secret’s you’re hiding.”

“I’ll make you a deal. If I show you my secrets, you have to tell me what about the whole conversation with Steve unsettled you. I know it wasn’t just that you weren’t sure if I was a top or bottom.”

James considered for a minute before nodding, “deal.”

Slowly, and with some pain, Shepard rolled onto his back. What he had been talking about was immediately obvious. In the middle of his chest was a light, which clearly sat just behind Shepard’s heart. The light created a shadow puppet show for the organ beating above it, showing his heart in negative, just visible beneath his skin.

“Wow,” James reached out to place his hand over the light, pausing for a moment to look at Shepard for approval. With his nod, James rested his hand in the middle of Shepard’s chest, which, despite their large size, did not completely block the light.

“So, now you know my secret. What’s yours?”

James didn’t take his eyes off where his hand rested on Shepard’s chest, focusing all his attention in that one spot before answering, “I really don’t think I would ever want to bottom. Years of being with the ladies, ya know? I’m pretty settled in what I know, which I guess would be topping?”

“James,” Shepard ran his hand up the side of James’ arm, “that’s fine.”

James let out an angry sound, “don’t lie to me, John, I know that means that this won't work out.”

“Why wouldn’t it work out?”

“I’m just disappointed because I really like you.”

“James,” Shepard pushed himself to sitting with a wince, gently taking James’ chin in his hand and forcing him to meet his gaze, “I don’t care if you don’t want to bottom. I’m not running off because you’d rather not have my dick in your ass.”

“Steve said that is was “sexual incompatibility.”

“Well, maybe for some people it’s a deal-breaker. Not for me,” Shepard ran his hand up James' neck and squeezed gently, “and there is a lot of things we can do in the bedroom which does not involve anyone sticking anything anywhere. Steve is a really black and white kind of guy. He's a good guy, but he's either on or he's off. Usually life is made up of shades of grey.”

James chuckled, but wasn’t convinced, “you’re telling me that if I never let you fuck me, that you’re just cool with that?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.” Shepard encouraged James to come closer, kissing him softly, “I do know that I want to see where this goes, and I’m in no rush for anything bedroom related if you’re not comfortable. I haven’t had anything in the way of sex for years, I can wait a little longer.”

James felt himself relax, “if you’re sure.”

“I am,” Shepard got off of the bed, “I’m going to get ready for bed,” he gestured to the bathroom over his shoulder, “are you staying tonight?”

“Want me too?”

“I think, and I may be wrong, but after a conversation like that you may want to stick around?”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to staying.”

“James.” Shepard raised an eyebrow.

James looked at his hands, “I want to stay.”

“Then you stay, I’ll be right back.”

“Oh, I mean to tell you,” James called to Shepard’s back, “you forgot to turn off my access to your quarters.”

Shepard looked around the door frame of the bathroom, smiling, “I didn’t forget.”

“Oh, so I can just come up whenever?”

“Of course.”

“Guess I should bring a toothbrush.”

“Guess so,” and with that Shepard closed the door.


	10. Heated Mornings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to alilypea for editing my stuff and keeping me company while I'm home with a shitty fever.  
Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James woke up wrapped around Shepard; similar to their first (second) date, his head was on Shepard’s chest, arm flung over his waist, legs tangled together.

Unlike their first date, Shepard was still asleep, one arm over James’ shoulder, the other behind his head, his face relaxed. It was _odd_ to see such an active and engaged individual sleep.

James traced the lines of Shepard’s torso, finding pecks and abs clearly defined, a mix of carrying heavy equipment, frequent combat, and Cerberus upgrades. Shepard’s breathing shifted slightly, and James stopped his hand's exploration, pausing for one then two breathes before Shepard’s breathing settled and he went back to exploring the body under him.

There were scars, which, considering he had _died,_ could have been much worse. The lines of his reconstruction just fine white lines, only noticeable from the small lights surrounding them. There were several other scars as well, a deep still-red knot of scar tissue just above his belly button. _A gun-shot_, James thought to himself as he traced the next one, a thick line over one of Shepard’s ribs, _knife_ _fight, _James mused, _only Shepard would get into a knife fight_.

“Having fun?”

James jumped, pulling back quickly, “Oh, sorry, Loco, I didn’t know you were awake.”

Shepard tugged James back down, “doesn’t matter, it felt nice.”

James settled against Shepard, resting his head in hand as he looked over the expanse of Shepard’s skin, “did Cerberus put your old scars back?”

“No,” Shepard absentmindedly rubbed the small scar on his left hip, one that James hadn’t noticed yet.

“These are all new?”

“Yeah, it’s been a rough couple of years. Do they bother you?”

“What? No,” James placed his hand over the scar on Shepard’s stomach, “does my scar bother you?”

“The one on your face? No, I think it’s sexy.” Shepard yawned, “I have always thought scars were attractive. Wrex tells me it’s a Krogan quality.”

James let out a huff of laughter, running his fingers over Shepard’s abs, “you know, you’re pretty cut.”

“Jealous of my muscles, Vega?”

“I’m comfortable with what I’ve got,” James shrugged, “just never had a chance to touch, I guess. Not typical locker room behaviour.”

“You’re in the wrong locker rooms then,” Shepard smiled, “explore away.”

So, James did. Running his hands across Shepard’s chest, down his ribs, over his stomach, counting each freckle and scar he found along the way. James was just sliding his hands between Shepard’s hips, low across his stomach where his sweatpants sat when a hand reached out and stopped him.

“Loco?”

“I’m sensitive there,” Shepard’s voice had dropped, taking on a low a husky quality, “and it is taking more will power than I have right now to stop my body from reacting. You better stop.”

James paused, considering resuming his exploration, before deciding to lace his fingers with Shepard’s and settle his head back on his chest.

“I’m not a pillow.”

“You’re comfortable like a pillow.”

“Hmm,” Shepard ran a hand up and down James’ back, “I like this.”

“Me using you like a pillow?”

“No, just spending time with you. Just us.”

“Me too,” James turned his head slightly to kiss Shepard’s chest, “kinda feels like we’ve been doing this forever.”

“If only I had been so lucky, I’ve been carrying a torch for you since earth.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Shepard chuckled, “yeah? Was it my go-fuck-yourself attitude, or my dashing looks that won you over?”

“I don’t know everything, I guess?” James shrugged, “I’ve never liked a guy before. I’m not sure what won me over. I just knew that I really liked you.”

“And now you got me.”

“Damn straight.”

“Nothing straight about this, Vega.”

James let out a groan before swatting Shepard’s chest, “no bad jokes.”

“If you insist,” Shepard moved slightly, turning to encourage James to lay back and kissed him.

James tilted his head slightly, deepening the kiss. Morning breath be damned, the feeling of Shepard’s tongue was like nothing he had felt before. James felt the brush of Shepard’s teeth across his bottom lip and moaned, the sound loud in the quiet room. Shepard’s hand was tracing the line of his shirt where it had ridden up slightly, gently tracing the exposed skin he found.

Shepard hadn’t been joking, it was a sensitive area, and James felt himself harden and forced his hips to not thrust up looking for contact. He was _not_ going to desperately hump Shepard’s hand.

The slight brush of Shepard’s dull nails caused him to hiss, which in turn, caused Shepard to pull back.

“Sorry,” Shepard flushed.

“It’s fine, felt good.”

Shepard’s smile was predatory, “Oh, you have no idea how good I’ll make you feel, James.”

James’ dick gave a twitch at the thought, the movement attracting Shepard’s eyes.

“Guess we can eliminate the concern that you wouldn’t be sexually compatible.”

“Oh, trust me, that wasn’t a concern, I’ve been jerking off to the thought of you for _months_.”

Shepard licked his bottom lip, “that so?”

“Yes,” James' eyes followed the path of Shepard’s tongue.

Shepard leaned closer, hand back on the bare skin, going under James’ shirt and dragging his finger’s with just the slight feeling of nails back down toward where James was now aching.

“And what did you think about?”

James flushed, “John…”

Shepard kissed him, all tension and desire, his tongue past James’ lips at the first hint of a sigh as his hand continued down. It was _so close_ now, and James was wondering if, maybe, he wasn’t opposed to begging as EDIs voice chimed from the corner.

“Dr. Chakwas is available for your next medical appointment, Commander.”

Shepard froze, pulling back and dropping his head to James’ shoulder, letting out a frustrated huff before sitting up. With Shepard sitting, James’ could see the bruising peaking past the bandage.

“Thank you, EDI, I’ll be down in a minute.” Shepard put his face in his hands and sighed, “fuck.”

“You can say that again,” James pulled his shirt back down, “things were just getting interesting.”

Shepard glanced over his shoulder at James, “I can put her off for a bit if you want to continue.”

“Oh, I definitely want to continue, but you need to get that looked at,” James sat up, “you’re a few shades of purple that I’ve never seen on a human before.”

Shepard stood, dropping his sweatpants and tossing them into a hamper in the corner before heading to the cabinet and pulling open the top drawer. At a review of the contents, he paused. James frantically tried to remember if he had put the condoms and lube back where he had found them.

Shepard looked over his shoulder, slightly, raising an eyebrow, before grabbing what he needed and closing the drawer.

“I’m going to get changed,” Shepard pointed to the bathroom, “the bottom drawer is empty if you want to bring some stuff up.”

“I could fit all of my stuff in that drawer, Loco.”

“Then bring it all up,” Shepard didn’t look back as he called over his shoulder, “I sleep better with you here anyway.”

***

“There we are, Commander, all set,” Dr. Chakwas took off her gloves and discarded them, “you’re healing just fine.”

“How long until I can start doing stuff again?”

“Six more days, as I said.”

Shepard groaned, “I’m going to go crazy.”

“It’s better than undoing all my hard work. Why don’t you spend time with your young man? You both seem quite taken with each other.”

Shepard nodded, “I told him he could move his stuff in.”

“I’m glad to see that you’re doing well within the relationship, but it’s early days to be living together, isn’t it?” Dr. Chakwas input some notes into her computer, “not that I don’t trust your judgement, of course.”

“I think I’m thrown off because it feels just like it did on earth. He would bring me food, we would hang out, it just kind of feels like earth was a six-month-long date, minus sex.”

“You’re sure about him then?”

“Very sure,” Shepard pulled on his shirt, “hope he feels the same.”

“Of course, he does, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas smiled, “he is clearly smitten.”

“I was hoping for something that was a bit closer to love.”

“Love?” Dr. Chakwas turned her chair, facing Shepard directly, “you’re in love with our Lieutenant Vega?”

Shepard groaned, “I’m going to fuck myself over again, aren’t I?”

“I certainly hope not, Commander. If anyone on this ship deserves a little bit of love, it’s you.”

“And you. I could still set you up with Grunt?” Shepard smiled as Dr. Chakwas held her pen up in threat, “or Admiral Hackett.”

“Steven is a lovely man, but he would have no interest in me.”

“You sure about that?” Shepard called over his shoulder as he walked from the med bay.

“That man,” Dr. Chakwas stared after Shepard’s retreating form, “will be the death of me.”


	11. A bit heated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alilypea is the only reason you guys are getting chapters, so please go check out her work.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

_Loco, where are you hiding? – JV_

James’ hadn’t seen Shepard all day, and after their heated morning, he was wondering whether Shepard was avoiding him.

_I’m not hiding. I’m on a ship in space, there are only so many places I can be. -JS_

_I checked the med bay, with Joker, observation lounges, main battery, with the Doc, the Major, and with Sparks. You’re hiding – JV_

_I’m building a model in our quarters. You checked everywhere but the one spot that literally had my name on it? – JS_

_Our quarters_. James re-read the line. He had been unsure this morning if Shepard had been asking him to move in, or if it was just a joke. He looked to the footlocker at the end of his bunk in the crew quarters and considered his options.

He had liked living with Shepard on earth, they had cohabitated well. John was tidy, let him have time alone when he needed it and was amazing company. It was different though; they had just been friends then. What would the expectation be now that they were something more?

“Problem?” Kaidan walked into the crew quarters and dropped to his bunk across from James.

“Just thinking.”

“Looks painful,” Kaidan turned on a datapad, reclining against his pillows.

“Shepard asked me to move in.”

“That’s great,” Kaidan’s eyes flicked to James’ face, taking in his expression, “isn’t it?”

James sighed in response.

“Do you not want to live with him?” Kaidan asked, datapad discarded next to him.

“This is moving really fast,” James played with a loose thread on his sheets rather than answering the question directly.

“Yeah, it is,” Kaidan agreed, “but John has always known what he wants and makes up his mind quickly. You told me in the kitchen the other day that you were in love with him, wouldn’t this be the next logical step?”

“I guess.”

“James, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want too. If you talk to John, he’ll understand.”

“I _do_ want too.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

James huffed, “I’m scared I’ll let him down.”

“James,” Kaidan moved to sit next to the larger man, “speaking as someone who has had relationships with both men and women, I can tell you this with absolute certainty. You will definitely let him down.”

“What?”

“Of course you will. It’s a natural part of a relationship. A word is spoken in a bad tone, missing an anniversary, forgetting a date.” Kaidan shrugged, “relationships aren’t meant to be perfect all the time. John cares about you, in a way I haven’t seen him let himself care about anyone in years. He took a big step putting himself back out there, with you, considering your limited experience in these types of relationships.”

James moved to interject, and Kaidan cut him off, “and he still decided that you were worth that risk. He must feel like you’ve got a good thing going if he wants you upstairs with him. Shepard is very private, if he lets you in his room at all that’s a big thing for him. I’ve known him for years, and I’ve been there once.”

“You think I should go for it?”

“I think you should if it’s something that you really want. I also think that you need to stop second-guessing every part of this relationship because you both have dicks. When you think about what _love_ is, not sex, _love_, you realize it has very little to do with what kind of junk you’ve got down below.”

James couldn’t argue with that logic.

_I was wondering if I could come to move my stuff in? – JV_

Kaidan smiled at the message, “good for you, now I can move Steve into your bunk instead of the other end of the hall.”

James laughed, grabbing his footlocker, “it’s all yours.”

_Was starting to wonder what was taking you so long. Had me worried, come on up – JS_

***

The door slid open as James approached, and he could hear Shepard speaking with someone from inside the room.

“Are you safe?” Shepard asked.

“Is anyone?”

James recognized the voice as Admiral Anderson and paused at the door.

“Come in, James,” Shepard called to him, “just talking with Anderson,”

James walked into the room to see Shepard standing next to a holographic Admiral Anderson. Putting down his footlocker, he gave a salute.

“So, dating my son, Lieutenant?”

“Anderson,” Shepard warned, “I told you no shovel talks.”

“I wasn’t going to give Vega a shovel talk, John. I was the one who set you up in the first place.” Anderson’s holographic figure pointed to James, “I knew you two would hit it off.”

“You appointed me as Shepard’s guard,” James pointed out, “and I had a girlfriend at the time.”

“Who you broke up with one week into watching over Shepard. I knew you would be great together.” Anderson looked proud of himself.

“How did you?” Shepard shook his head, “never mind, I don’t need to know.”

“Well, I’m happy for you.” Anderson was beaming at Shepard, “glad you finally found someone.”

“Glad you approve,” Shepard said dryly.

“Let me know when the wedding is, and I’ll try and get off of earth for a couple of days.”

“Hold on,” Shepard held up his hands, “let's not rush things.”

“It’s not rushing when it’s love,” Anderson smiled, and James found himself slightly envious that Shepard had this kind of relationship with his father figure, “when you know, you know. You don’t need to date for a year or whatever kids are doing these days to know if you’ve found the right person.”

“When are you and Kaylee getting married then?” Shepard asked, a small smile on his face.

“As soon as I see her next,” Anderson nodded, “I’ll try and vid-call you in.”

“You mean that I won't get to walk you down the aisle?” Shepard held a hand over his heart, “I’m wounded.”

“I wish you could,” Anderson sounded a little emotional at the thought, “but I’m proud of the work you’re doing out there. The galaxy needs you, Shepard.”

“No pressure,” Shepard crossed his arms over his chest, and James found himself wrapping his arm around his shoulder.

“If anyone can do it, Loco, it’s you.”

Shepard turned and looked at him for a moment before the corners of his mouth turned up slightly, “I guess, with your help, I’m going to have to.”

The holograph flickered slightly, and Anderson spoke briefly to someone out of view before turning back, “I have to go, Shepard. Sounds like we need to move to our next location. I made those changes you asked me about.”

“Alright, thanks. Stay safe, Anderson.”

“You too, son, Vega.” With a nod, Anderson disappeared from view.

“What changes?” James asked as he retrieved his footlocker and started emptying its contents into the bottom drawer of the dresser.

“I had him put through the approval for our relationship,” Shepard dropped onto the bed, sitting carefully against the headboard, “I had some changes for my file too. Figured two birds one stone.”

“Anderson seemed good with everything,” James kicked his now empty footlocker under the couch before sitting next to Shepard on the bed.

“Seems so,” Shepard took James’ hand and squeezed, “but he was always a fan of yours.”

“Oh yeah?”

“That’s why he put your name forward for N7.”

“Anderson did?”

“Sure did, I remember him going through the files with me.” Shepard dropped his head to James’ shoulder, “he said, “Is this what you would have done?” and I told him that it was. He said, “well if he’s going to be the next Shepard, he needs the right training” and signed off on it.”

“He thinks I’m the next you?”

“He thinks you’re going to be one of the next Alliance leaders, yes,” Shepard confirmed.

“What about you?” James traced a pattern on the back of Shepard’s hand.

“What about me?”

“Why wouldn’t you be leading the Alliance?”

“There are a few reasons. Maybe I decide to retire after I get through this war, open a model ship store. Maybe I end up an Admiral, and I still get to boss you around. Maybe I don’t come out of the war at all. Doesn’t matter what happens, the Alliance will always need new leaders. Even if everything goes perfectly, I’m eventually going to get old and die. Someone will need to be around to continue.”

“You’ll make it out of the war,” James said it both as a statement and a prayer, “you have too.”

“Hope so,” Shepard kissed James’ neck, “I’ve got lots of things I’m looking forward too.”

“Oh yeah?” James tilted his head slightly, given Shepard more space to continue his attentions.

“Absolutely,” Shepard slid down the bed, laying back and pulling James with him.

“Like what?” James kissed him gently.

“Like that model ship store,” Shepard answered against his mouth and jumped when James pinched his arm.

“Jerk,” James pulled away only to be pulled back by a laughing Shepard.

“Of course, I mean you. Us.” Shepard traced the scar on James’ face gently before following it with kisses.

“Hmm, here I thought I needed to pack my footlocker back up and go back to the crew quarters.”

“I think you’ll find this bed much more interesting,” Shepard laid back, carefully, with a slight wince.

“Still sore?”

“A bit,” Shepard confirmed, “mostly hurts when I move too quick.”

“No rough sex for us tonight?” James joked, flushing slightly.

“Oh I’m down for trying if you are,” Shepard’s eyes were closed, but he was smiling, “I’m sure I could work through the pain for that kind of motivation.”

“I don’t know about sex,” James stretched against Shepard, pressing the line of his body against the taller man, “but I’m curious about where things were leading this morning.”

“That so?”

James reached out, lifting Shepard’s shirt gently, pulling it just past his bellybutton before running a hand over the warm skin.

“Definitely.”

“If I remember correctly,” Shepard sat up, pushing James onto his back, “I was the one exploring.”

“Maybe I want a turn,” James protested but went smoothly onto his back, dick already half hard.

“You can have a turn,” Shepard tugged at James’ shirt, “me first.”

James brought his arms up behind his head with a lazy smile, “if you want to explore, you’re gonna have to work for it, Loco.”

Shepard straddled James, resting a hand on either side of his face and closing the distance between them. James thought Shepard was going for a kiss and closed his eyes tilting up his chin. When no kiss happened, he looked to find Shepard looking at him, just a breath away.

“I will _shred_ these clothes off of you, James,” Shepard tugged the shirt again, “off.”

“I can’t say I’m all that attached to this shirt, Loco.”

The grin that crossed Shepard’s face was predatory, and he sat back, grabbing the shirt at the bottom, ripping it in two with no effort.

“_Fuck_,” James groaned.

“Like that?” two more quick rips and James' arms were free from the shirt, leaving his chest completely exposed.

“This is a whole new side of you, Loco.”

“Want me to stop?”

“Hell no.” James pulled Shepard down for a kiss, groaning as Shepard gently rolled his hips against him.

Shepard moved his attention to James’ neck, kissing and biting along the tattooed muscle there, before moving lower to the expanse of James’ chest.

“Loco,” James’ let out a moan at the feeling of Shepard’s tongue over his right nipple.

“James?”

“This is great,” James rolled his hips, “but my belt is killing me. If you’re gonna rip my pants off, can you do it soon?”

Shepard scraped his teeth over the nipple he had been lavishing with attention before moving to the other, showing no rush to relieve James of his pants.

“_Please_,” James thrust against Shepard again, feeling that Shepard was as affected by this as he was, a noticeable bulge at the front of his pants.

“Please?”

“John…” James wasn’t whining, he _wasn’t_. He would deny anyone who accused him of it.

“James,” Shepard moved lower, forked tongue tracing James’ abs, kisses, and bites on the way down.

“_John,_” James rolled his hips as Shepard’s face came level with his belt, “please.”

“I’ve got you,” Shepard undid James’ belt causing him to groan with relief. Shepard tugged at the top of the pants, and James lifted his hips, allowing him to pull the pants down his legs, pausing to undo the boots still on James’ feet before tugging the whole lot off and dropping it on the floor.

Shepard turned to face James, looking over the body now mostly uncovered in front of him, “I must have been a very good man in my past life.”

“You’re a good man in all your lives.”

“Still, this is a gift,” Shepard ran a hand up James’ leg.

“Maybe you should unwrap your gift then,” James pointed to his still on boxers, “before he dies of sexual frustration.”

“You need to learn some patience, Lieutenant,” Shepard licked at the sensitive skin of James’ inner thighs.

“Fuck patience,” James rolled his hips, “I feel like I’ve been waiting for months.”

“That so?” Shepard laid along James’ side, turning his face slightly for another kiss.

James would like to say that the reason he didn’t notice Shepard’s hand was that he was focused on kissing Shepard. Regardless, the sound that was pulled from James’ throat as Shepard closed his hand around James’ erection through his boxers would be one he denied until he died.

“Easy,” Shepard spoke quietly, “we have time to enjoy this.”

“John,” James dropped his head into Shepard’s shoulder, “you’re such a tease.”

“I’m not teasing,” Shepard was jerking him off slowly through his underwear, occasionally stopping to cup his balls with a slight squeeze.

“I want you touching me.”

“I am touching you.”

Shepard’s thumb was teasing the head of James dick, rubbing the damp spot he found there.

“_Dios Mio,_” James grabbed Shepard’s neck, pulling him into a rough kiss, “John, we have our entire lives for you to tease me. Please, _please_, get me off.”

“Begging, James?”

“Yes,” James rolled his hips, “I’m begging, _please_, I have been waiting for this for so long.”

Shepard didn’t answer with words, instead pushing at the waistband of James’ underwear and chuckling softly as James’ somewhat frantically pulled them off.

“Come on, Loco.”

Shepard kissed him, catching the broken moan with his mouth as James finally felt Shepard touching him with nothing between them.

Unlike his past sexual experiences, there was no hesitancy in Shepard’s grip. One of the benefits, James mused, of dating someone who had the same anatomy. He already knew what felt good.

James groaned under the attention, it was _so good. _James was shocked at the intensity of the sensation from a simple hand job. 

“Close?” Shepard asked.

James nodded, rolling his hips to Shepard’s skilled hands, each twist sending him closer to completion.

“Kiss me,” James moaned, “please.”

Shepard growled, actually _growled_, as he kissed James. The speed of his hand increasing slightly, mixed with the feeling of Shepard kissing him, sent James flying over the edge. A strangled groan as he covered his chest and Shepard’s hand with his completion, blacking out for a moment.

“I’ll be right back,” Shepard said quietly as James laid back panting, walking from view into the bathroom and coming back shortly with a damp cloth.

Shepard gently wiped James’ chest clean before kissing him and tossing the towel into the hamper.

“Good?” Shepard asked as he settled back into the bed.

“So good,” James agreed, the post-orgasmic haze settling in, “what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Want some help?” James gestured toward the still noticeable bulge in the front of Shepard’s pants.

“Next time,” Shepard kicked off his pants, leaving his boxers on, and pulled a blanket over the two of them.

“You sure?” James felt himself dropping off to sleep.

“Absolutely,” Shepard pulled James, so his head rested on his chest, in what seemed to now be James’ spot.

The last thing James remembered before falling to sleep was turning into Shepard’s chest and saying, “g’night, love you.”


	12. Making memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love to Alilypea
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Do you think it’s important?” James woke up to Shepard speaking with someone through his terminal.

“No, I think it’s a waste of time and resources,” Garrus sighed, “but the Turian Hierarchy thinks it’s important.”

“Then we’ll go,” Shepard leaned back in his chair, spinning it back and forth slightly, “so what do I expect from this?”

“A lot of stuffy old Turians who don’t trust humans, food you can’t eat, oh, and it’s formal wear.”

“Dress blues, okay?”

“That doesn’t translate.”

“Military dress uniform.”

“Sure,” Garrus responded, “it’ll probably give them a kick if your outfit matches my colony markings.”

“It’s a bit darker than that, but close enough. Have Joker set course, we can be there in time for tomorrow. I’ll have to get Kaidan to cut my hair.”

“That’s disgusting,” Garrus let out a sound like a wretch.

“No nerve endings,” Shepard reminded him, “like your talons,”

“Humans are gross.”

“I’m glad you have such respect for me as your Commander,” Shepard chuckled, “go talk to Joker.”

“Will do, thanks, Shepard.”

Shepard cut the commlink and walked to the bed. James noticed that he was missing the bandage from his side.

“Been to the med bay this morning?”

“Yeah, nothing left now but a new scar to add to the collection,” Shepard turned to James could see the bright scars on his side.

“Nice, let’s try not to add any more.”

Shepard sat on the edge of the bed, “so, you love me?”

“What?” James panicked, “who told you? Oh, I’m going to fucking kill Kaidan.”

Shepard snorted, “_you_ told me.”

“When?”

“Last night, after you said goodnight and crashed.”

“Oh,” James paused, “uh, and how do you feel about that?”

“I’m feeling pretty good,” Shepard smiled, “glad to know my handjobs are good enough to pull love confessions.”

James laughed, “it was good, no doubt, Loco, but that’s not why I said it.”

“Say it again?”

James sat, looking Shepard in the eye, “I love you, Loco.”

“Again?”

“I love you,” James kissed Shepard gently,

“I love you, too,” Shepard rested his forehead against James’, “this is more than I expected this early in.”

“I think I’ve been totally head over heels for you since earth.” James kissed Shepard again, “I just didn’t know it.”

“I know I’ve been in love with you since earth,” Shepard pulled back slightly, “walking in on you boxing topless, I was done for.”

“Only with me for my body, Loco?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard stood, “I’m going to have a shower, then I need to get Kaidan up here. Unless you want the Major in love with you too, I suggest you get dressed.”

“Maybe I was hoping for a repeat of last night,” James pulled back the blanket, enjoying the way Shepard’s eyes roamed his body.

“Then you better get in the shower with me,” Shepard turned toward the bathroom, James following quickly behind.

***

The shower had been amazing, and James was relaxed on the bed in a pair of Shepard’s sweats enjoying his afterglow. Once again, Shepard’s skilled hand had him begging for relief, and he had stood behind him and stroked him until he had cum across the shower walls.

Again, Shepard had refused anything in the way of reciprocation.

James frowned slightly at the thought and filed it away to deal with later.

Shepard came through the door carrying breakfast for the both of them, Kaidan following close behind him.

“_Gracias,_” James took the plate of food from him, “Steve cooked?”

“How can you tell?” Kaidan asked, laying out various clippers and scissors on Shepard’s desk.

“Barbeque sauce,” James pointed to the eggs, “he puts it on everything. You’re going to have to buy stock in it when you get married.”

“Noted,” Kaidan laughed, “he’s a good cook, though.”

“Course he is,” James said between bites of food, “I taught him.”

“Yeah, he mentioned,” Kaidan turned to Shepard’s coffee machine, “payment for the haircut?”

“Help yourself,” Shepard agreed, his own breakfast already finished.

“Kaidan cuts your hair, Loco? Don’t you just shave it?”

“I try, but it’s hard to get around the biotic port. Only need to hit it a couple of times before you just ask for help.”

“I like your hair like that,” James pointed to where Shepard’s hair had been brushed back, still wet from the shower.

“I can leave some length on top, if you want,” Kaidan brought a mug over for James and Shepard.

“Whatever James wants,” Shepard shrugged, “just hair.”

“Get over here, and we’ll get started.” Kaidan pointed to the chair.

“You could have brought Steve up,” Shepard said, sitting.

“Didn’t want to assume.”

“James, get Steve up here. Kaidan’s being stupid.”

“Double date, Loco?”

“Sure.”

_Invitation to the love nest, Esteban – JV_

_Really? -SC_

_Come on up – JV_

“He’s coming,” James put his plate aside and stretched back across the bed, “what are you getting all fancied up for anyway?”

“Turian Hierarchy is doing a ceremony tomorrow, officially appointing Victus as Primarch. They move everyone up one step.”

“So why are you going?”

“Garrus is sixth in line for Primarch,” Shepard paused, “well, fifth, now. This is his first time being included in the ceremony. It’s traditional to have your Commanding Officer attend with you.”

“Wow, didn’t know Scars was that important.”

“Neither did Tali,” Shepard chuckled, “apparently your life mate walks with you, she’s freaking out.”

“That’s cute,” Kaidan combed through Shepard’s hair, “they’re all grown up.”

_Outside – SC_

James stood and walked across the room, letting Steve inside.

“Good morning, Commander,” Steve walked up to Kaidan and kissed him before looking around the quarters, “quite the upgrade, Vega.”

“I swear to god, Steve, if you don’t start calling me John, I’ll have you court martialed,” Shepard tilted his head down at Kaidan’s gentle pressure, “even Shepard would be better than Commander all the time. You’re the only one who calls me Commander.”

“Joker calls you Commander,” Steve pointed out.

“When he’s mocking me.”

“Maybe I’m mocking you,” Steve smiled, “maybe I’m in an elaborate prank with Joker to see how long it takes to drive you crazy.”

Shepard chuckled, “you know, I’m a dangerous man, and your boyfriend has left quite a selection of scissors right by my hand,”

“Okay,” Steve held his hands up before walking to sit down on the couch as James signaled him over, “whatever you say, Shepard.”

The room was mostly quiet as Kaidan worked on Shepard’s hair and Steve and James reclined on the couch, just the occasional chatter until Kaidan announced he was finished.

“All set,” Kaidan used a large brush to clear the small hairs from Shepard’s neck and biotic port, “something a little different.”

Shepard stood and walked to the bathroom to look in the mirror, “looks nice Kaidan, thanks.”

“It’ll take more upkeep, but hopefully it keeps your man happy.”

Shepard walked down to the couches, “what do you think?”

James was _not_ speechless; it just took him longer than he expected to formulate a response. Which, in hindsight, was not the most eloquent.

“_Damn_, Loco,” James stood and walked over to him, carding his fingers through the longer hair at the top of his head to the short-shaved hair at the base of his neck, gently tracing his biotic port.

“Careful,” Shepard flickered blue for a minute, grabbing James’ by the hips “sensitive.”

“Not bad?”

“No,” Shepard leaned forward and kissed him, “not bad.”

Steve laughed from the couch, “maybe during our little chat, I should have included that biotics glow when something feels good. Kaidan can light up a room.”

“Steve,” Kaidan chastised him, “don’t share the details of our sex life.”

“I got the impression that all biotics glowed when they got off,” Steve shrugged, “isn’t that why they jerk off in the shower at like 3 am? They think no one can smell the ozone?”

Kaidan winced, and Shepard let out a bark of laughter, “busted, Major.”

“We aren’t all so lucky to have our own quarters, John,” Kaidan pointed out, “and we don’t get much in the way of shore leave.”

“I’m actually trying to get us a week,” Shepard dropped onto the edge of his bed, “I’ve put in the request for some retrofits, and we’ll get that shielding installed.”

“A whole week?” Steve looked to Kaidan, “what are we going to do with all the time, where will we stay?”

“You’re welcome to stay with me, you know that,” Shepard tugged James down onto his lap, “or, us, as the case may be.”

“You sure? We wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Kaidan, you’ve stayed with me in various apartments for years, why would you be intruding now?”

“Your new relationship?”

“So, you two sleep downstairs, across the house.” Shepard shrugged, “it’ll be fine.”

“That’s my room,” James pointed out.

“You’re with me,” Shepard ran his hand up James’ back, “in the big room, with the hot tub.”

“Oh hell yeah,” James closed his eyes, “I’m not leaving that hot tub.”

“See?” Shepard scratched his nails along James’ back and smiled as he leaned into the pressure, “no problems. Besides, you two aren’t a quiet as you think you are. Wouldn’t be anything I haven’t heard already.”

James let out a bark of laughter at the blush on Steve’s face, “told you, Esteban!”

“They’re horrible together,” Steve hid his face in Kaidan’s shoulder, “they’re awful. This was a bad idea.”

“You just told them that I jerked off in the shower at 3 am, and you want me to feel bad for you.” Kaidan wrapped an arm over Steve’s shoulder.

“Traitors.”

***

The rest of the day had passed quickly, Shepard had gone to hang out with Garrus to learn about the ceremony taking place the next day, and James had gone to work repairing the hole in Shepard’s armour, as well as ordering new parts and a test patch of a new, reportedly completely bulletproof, fibre overlay.

After dinner, Shepard had bid everyone goodnight and headed up to their rooms while James finished his drink.

“Something on your mind, Vega?”

“Nothing really, it’s just been a crazy couple days.”

“Good crazy?”

“Unbelievably good crazy,” James agreed, “you wouldn’t believe how good that man is with his hands.”

“I could see it,” Steve nodded, “he’s always been very detailed.”

“_V__ery_ detailed.”

“Hopefully you’ve been returning the favor.”

“Trying,” James’ thought back to the shower, “he keeps shooting me down.”

“Probably a control thing, give him time,” Steve stood, “I’m going to bed, I’m running the Commander and Garrus down tomorrow.”

“Night, Esteban.”

“Good luck, Mr. Vega.”


	13. At the mercy of a dress uniform

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to alilypea - who had done so much work reading all of this fic so far. 
> 
> She is off for a well deserved vacation so there will either be no chapters, or unedited chapters going up for the next little bit. 
> 
> To make up for it, I'm posting three chapters today! Be kind - this is headed a weird way for a little bit, but it is leading somewhere, I promise.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James entered the quarters quietly, still not sure of the protocol of sharing a room with someone you had been dating for a few days.

“Loco?”

“Yeah?” Shepard’s voice came from the couches, where James found him sitting and having a drink which looked like whiskey.

“Just didn’t want to walk in if you were in the middle of something,” James dropped onto the couch next to Shepard, kicking his feet up onto the small coffee table.

“If you’re going to live here, you’re going to need to get comfortable with coming in no matter what I’m doing.” Shepard wrapped an arm over James’s shoulder.

“Guess so,” James rested his head against Shepard’s shoulder and relaxed, “excited for tomorrow?”

“I hate this political shit, I’m a soldier, not a politician.”

“You’re good at it though, Loco. You won over the council, got an alliance between the Krogan and the Turians.”

Shepard sighed, “I miss just shooting things, it was easier.”

James chuckled, patting Shepard’s leg, “the troubles of command.”

“One of many,” Shepard agreed, downing his drink, “I should hit the hay though, Turians don’t give you an inch, I need to be alert.”

James sat up, letting Shepard off of the couch, and watched as he disappeared into the bathroom. Moving quickly, James pulled off his shirt and pants, leaving him down to his black boxers, trying his best to look casual.

He wasn’t sure if it worked, but he did notice the way that Shepard paused as he caught sight of him mostly naked walking across to take his turn in the bathroom.

“Be out in a sec,” James slipped past Shepard, shutting the door behind him.

After brushing his teeth, James quickly checked to see if he needed another shower from his workday before double-checking his hair and taking a steadying breath by the door. He thought, momentarily, of giving himself a pep-talk, before he remembered that Shepard’s augmented hearing would mean that he would likely hear it.

Walking into the bedroom, James found Shepard already in bed, reading a datapad with a frown on his face.

“Anything interesting?” James tried to pitch his voice low as he walked toward Shepard, it worked, because Shepard sat the datapad down to watch him as he approached.

“Not as interesting as you.”

“You sure?” James slid into bed, “looked important.”

“They’re all important,” Shepard kissed James gently, “but it’ll keep.”

“I would hate to take you away from something important to the war effort,” James rolled onto his side, encouraging Shepard to do the same running a hand down his side.

“Uh-huh,” Shepard kissed James again, this time flicking his bottom lip with his tongue,

“Seriously,” James pulled back slightly, moving to kiss Shepard’s neck, feeling, rather than hearing, the small gasp.

Biting down on the muscle James found at the top of Shepard’s shoulder caused a brief, but brilliant, flash of blue to come from Shepard.

“James,” it sounded like a warning, rather than the breathless moan James had been hoping for; still, James moved his head down to Shepard’s chest.

“Yeah, Loco?” James found one of Shepard’s nipples, licking it before blowing a blast of cool air over the wet skin.

Shepard’s skin was humming now, a faint blue glow.

“Stop,” Shepard put a hand on James' chest, pushing back slightly before dropping on his back with a sigh.

James took a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts rather than flying off the handle, “what’s the deal, John?”

“I just don’t think we need to rush this,” Shepard was good at a lot of things, but lying wasn’t one of them.

“You’ve jerked me off twice now,” James pointed out, “and you seem happy to have your hands all over me.”

Shepard was looking at him closely, but not answering. _He’s waiting for me to leave_, James realized, _abandon him like that asshole did._

“We need to talk about this, John,” James slowly reached for Shepard’s shoulder, and when he didn’t move to pull away ran his thumb in a soothing circle.

Shepard sighed, running a hand over his face.

“So,” James prompted, “what gives?”

“You know,” Shepard's voice sounded off, “it would be easier to talk about if you weren’t quite literally looking down on me.”

James settled into the bed, dropping his head against Shepard’s chest, “better?”

“Yes,” Shepard wrapped an arm around James but didn’t move to explain any further.

“John, it’s not going to get better if we don’t talk about it.”

“I know.”

“Is it me? Do you think I won’t be any good or something?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You change your mind about us?”

“Of course not, I asked you to move in and told you I loved you,” Shepard squeezed James lightly.

“You want me to try something specific, and you think it’s too kinky and I’ll leave?” James tried for humour, but when Shepard didn’t respond he knew he had hit a nerve, “Loco?”

“The last person,” Shepard took a breath, and James wondered if he was holding back tears, “who touched me, left.”

“I’m not that asshole, John” James ran a soothing hand up Shepard’s side.

“I know,” there was no doubt now that Shepard was getting emotional, James could hear it in his voice, “but it feels like if you don’t touch me, you’d have no reason to go.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” James said firmly, “is it so hard to believe that I want to touch you?”

“Yes,” Shepard’s answer was firm, and James felt his heart break a little at the response.

“John…”

Shepard cut him off, “I’m working on it, James, just…give me some time.”

James pressed a kiss into Shepard’s chest, over the glowing light which back-lit his heart, “as long as you need, Loco.”

Shepard kissed the top of James’ head, “is there anything I can do for you? I know the mood is kind of ruined, but…”

“Nah, I’m good Loco. I’m sitting at uneven odds right now, 2-0, I got some catching up to do,” James closed his eyes, “think I’m just going to crash.”

“Okay,” Shepard paused, “goodnight.”

“Night,” James responded readily, “love you,” he added because he knew Shepard needed to hear it.

“Love you more.”

***

James woke up alone, startling when he realized his head was on a pillow rather than Shepard, and the bed beside him was cold.

James looked around the room, the lights were off, no sounds from the bathroom, Shepard was gone.

Pulling up his Omni-tool to send Shepard a message, he found one waiting.

_Couldn’t sleep, down in the armoury working out – JS_

A second message beeped through, _What the fuck did you do to Shepard? He’s fucking up the armoury – SC. _

_Fuck, on my way – JV_

James stood, quickly dressing and making his way down to the cargo bay.

***

The sound of loud music hit James’ ears the second the elevator stopped, and as he walked in he saw a bulk of the crew standing together toward the back of the ship, Steve waiting for him off to the side.

“Vega, what the fuck?” Steve gestured to Shepard, who, dripping in sweat, was sparring with a mech which James had remembered he had seen advertised last time he was on the Citadel.

“He’s working out” James shrugged, “what of it?”

“That’s the _third_ one of those bots he’s gone through this morning.”

James watched as the mech swung at Shepard, and Shepard dodged the hit before punching the mech in the chest.

Shepard must have not been restricting the strength from the Cerberus upgrades, James mused, as the robot went flying backward into a heap, a loud error sound chiming from the wreckage.

“That’s not working out,” Steve pointed out, “that’s either ignoring an issue or working through an issue. Regardless, the crew is getting worried.”

James looked at those who had gathered, Kaidan, Joker, Garrus, and a few others who were watching Shepard while drinking their coffees and eating their breakfast. True to Steve’s observation, the crew looked concerned.

James watched Shepard grab the back of the robot, easily dragging the wreckage over to the two others and throwing it on the mound before moving to another mech box.

“Stop him,” Steve pointed at James, “his hands are bleeding.”

James nodded, walking past the crew and over to Shepard placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, “easy, Loco.”

Shepard was panting, and he paused with his hand resting on the box. Steve had been right; his knuckles were split and bleeding.

“You know,” James tried for casual, “kinda sucks to wake up alone. I thought that was the benefit of living with someone. I didn’t have to do that anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” the apology was loaded, James could tell.

“Don’t worry about it, Loco,” James took Shepard’s hand, careful of the sore knuckles, “but I still haven’t had a morning kiss, and we need to get your hands looked at, so they don’t ruin your fancy outfit today.”

Shepard turned to face him now, looking uneasy, “most of the crew is down here.”

“Hiding me?”

“Of course not,” Shepard looked pained, “but I didn’t think- “

James cut him off, kissing him soundly. Shepard paused for a minute before letting out a whimper – _a whimper_ – against James’ lips and pulling him closer to deepen the kiss.

“See, I told you it was just a little sexual frustration,” Garrus spoke to Kaidan, patting him on the shoulder, “always happens to Turians with new mates, they can’t keep their hands off each other. Tends to manifest in violence if they don’t have enough time to work off the energy.”

Kaidan, blissfully, did not inform Garrus it was not the same with humans.

James pulled back and took both of Shepard’s hands, looking at the damage, “we should get Dr. Chakwas to fix these before they bruise.”

Shepard pulled up his Omni-tool, going into a menu James’ hadn’t seen before. Four-button presses later, James could see the little lights in Shepard’s hands shine a little bit brighter before the skin started to knit together. Within a minute, James could find no evidence of the bleeding knuckles he had been looking at previously.

“Well, that works too,” James ran a thumb across the newly healed knuckles, “have you eaten?”

“No,” Shepard checked the time, “but I need to get ready.”

“Go get pretty,” James took a step back, “I’ll make you breakfast for when you’re done.”

Shepard looked sheepish, “sorry I left, I should have woken you.”

“Nah, I need my beauty sleep,” James turned Shepard to face the elevator and smacked him on the bum gently, “go get ready.”

***

James was not at all prepared for the sight of John Shepard coming out of the elevator wearing a fitted white t-shirt, dress blue pants, freshly showered with his hair done, his jacket slung over his arm, dog tags in the middle of his chest.

“You’re drooling, Vega,” Steve nudged him with an elbow.

“Fucking right I am,” James smiled as Shepard walked toward him, “look at him.”

“Yeah, yeah, lovesick fool,” Steve saluted Shepard as he approached, “ready when you are, Commander.”

“Oh, for fuck sakes, Steve,” Shepard put down his jacket and took the bowl of cereal from James’ with a smile, “James, while I’m out can you get those court martial papers for me? I'm going to break him out of that habit if it kills me.”

“No problem,” James winked at Steve, “I’m sure if you suggested that his bunk be moved back to the other side of the crew quarters, he might remember your name better.”

“Okay, okay,” Steve held up his hands in defeat, “this is the only ship I’ve worked on where the Commander doesn’t want to be called Commander.”

“Do I look like a Commander to you, Steve?”

“Quite frankly, in dress blues? Yes,” Steve nodded, “yes, you do.”

“Fuck that,” James cut in, “he looks like a fucking model. I’m going to remember this forever.”

Shepard chuckled, “Yeah, okay, I think this is the most over the top reaction I’ve had to dress blues.”

“You’ve clearly never seen your ass in them, Loco.” James was thrilled as the slight blush on Shepard’s cheeks.

“Can you help me with the jacket?” Shepard picked it up and passed it to James, “I’m still sore.”

“Sure thing,” James helped Shepard feed his arms into the sleeves and watched with fascination as each hidden clasp was done up. Shepard’s muscular frame was highlighted in the stiff blue fabric. The width of his shoulders, his strong but defined waist, muscular legs stretching the fabric of his pants which were _almost _too small was quite frankly, driving James crazy.

“_Dios Mio,” _James groaned, “how am I meant to concentrate all day knowing you look like that in your uniform?”

“I’m sure you’ll manage,” Shepard pulled a selection of service medals from his pocket and attaching them to his jacket.

“That’s…quite the collection, Shepard,” Kaidan noted from the table where he was drinking his coffee.

“I have a few,” Shepard agreed.

It was more than a few, James counted nearly 20 small squares of various colours across the left side of Shepard’s chest.

“Damn, Loco. Sexy and skilled,” James watched as Shepard did up the final button on the jacket.

“I’m pretty sure you know how skilled I am, Lieutenant.”

James flushed, before whispering under his breath, low enough that only Shepard’s enhanced hearing would pick it up, “you keep that uniform on and find me the _second_ you’re back on the ship.”

There as a slight nod, just enough that James knew he had heard him.

“Can you help me with the last one?” Shepard pulled out a different pin, a logo that James recognized, a small N7.

“Where does this one go?” James turned it over in his hand, taking the backing off.

“My collar, right side, in the front,” Shepard tilted his chin up and let James put the pin in its place, “you get one when you complete the program.”

“Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting from a dress uniform, but I guess that collar will hide any hickeys that Vega left for the ceremony,” Garrus came from the main battery, a nervous, but excited Tali following. Both had changed from their usual garb, Garrus in a soft blue uniform and Tali in a blue suit which had Garrus’ colony markings worked into the pattern.

“We can’t all be as pretty as you, Garrus,” Shepard adjusted the collar and sleeves, of his jacket, “we ready to go?”

“Whenever you are.”

“Let’s do it,” Shepard nodded to Steve, “I might be late.” Shepard wrapped an arm around James’ waist and pulled him in for a kiss, seemingly more at ease with the idea of the crew watching them, “you don’t have to wait up if you don’t want too.”

“Oh I want too,” James could tell he sounded desperate and decided he could be embarrassed about it later, “I want to peel you out of that uniform when you’re back, even if that’s all I can do.” He added quietly.

“Alright,” Shepard gave him a brief hug, “I’ll ping you when I’m back.”

“I’m counting the minutes.”

With a wave, Shepard, Steve, Garrus, and Tali left for the elevator, James’ eyes never leaving Shepard’s figure as he left.


	14. I stayed awake all night waiting for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“James?” Shepard’s voice chimed over his com-unit, “still awake?”

“As if I could sleep waiting for you in that fucking uniform, Loco,” James was reclined on the bed, where he had admittedly spent most of his day picturing Shepard in various positions and working out the resulting tension from his imagination running wild.

There was a low laugh from Shepard, “you mentioned an affection for the uniform earlier.”

“You have no idea, John, seriously. When are you coming back?”

“Steve says we’re about 10 minutes out, give or take a few.”

James groaned, “10 minutes?”

“You’ve been waiting all day, what’s 10 minutes?”

“A lifetime.”

“You big baby,” Shepard was smiling, James could tell, “if I knew that you had such a thing for dress blues, I would have pulled them out on earth.”

“I wish you had.”

“I know what to do when you’re mad at me then, just dress all pretty.”

“I tell you what, if you’re not in our quarters in the next 15 minutes, I’ll show you what I’m like when I’m mad.”

“I’ll be there before you know it,” there was a pause, “James, about last night.”

“Don’t worry about it. We can figure it all out when you get here.”

“Okay,” Shepard sounded reserved, “I’ll be there soon.”

“Can’t wait.”

***

“Lieutenant, the Commander is on his way up,” EDIs voice chimed from the corner, “he asked me to let you know.”

“Thanks, EDI.” James sat on the edge of the bed. He had changed out of his usual cargo pants, instead wearing a pair of Shepard’s sweatpants and forgoing a shirt.

The door slid open, and James felt his breath catch as Shepard stood at the top of the stairs.

“James,” Shepard was anxious, James could tell by the hard line of his shoulders.

“John,” James stood, not missing the way Shepard’s mouth turned to a small smile when he noticed James was wearing his clothes.

“Miss me?” Shepard took the two steps down to walk closer to James, stopping arm's length from him.

“I literally got myself off three times today thinking of you in that,” James pointed to the uniform.

“Is that so?” Shepard raised an eyebrow, “your graduation from basic must have been brutal if dress blues do it for you so bad.”

“It’s not the uniform,” James closed the distance between them, reaching out and running a hand down the blue material encompassing Shepard’s arm. “It’s you looking so fucking fine in that uniform.”

Shepard took a deep breath, the tension radiating off of him in waves.

“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” James moved twisted the N7 pin on Shepard’s collar, straightening it, “I know you’re still having a hard time.”

“You have told me, no less than five times, that you want to strip me out of this uniform.” Shepard pointed out.

“I sure fucking do,” James agreed, “but if you need to stop there, we can.”

“What, like exposure therapy?”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“Exposing someone to something that scares them a little at a time, until it doesn’t scare them anymore.”

“Well, if it works, it works,” James looked at Shepard, reading his expression. He was still tense, but there was some humour to his expression, “can I get started?”

“I’m all yours,” Shepard smiled, it was an uneasy smile, but a smile nonetheless.

James reached up for the N7 pin, carefully taking off the backing and placing it on the bed, “I can’t wait to get one of those pins.”

“You’ll get one,” Shepard spoke with confidence, “I have no doubt.”

“Hope so, a lot of pressure when you find out your boyfriend’s dad got you into the program,” James reached up to the service medallions and began unclipping each of the squares of colour placing them next to the N7 pin. James was glad they had changed them to a magnetic backing; nothing sexy about stabbing your boyfriend with a pin when you’re trying to undress them. Vaguely, James wondered where they all came from.

“Skyllian Blitz,” Shepard answered James’ unasked question, “and special missions, which I’m not allowed to talk about.”

“A lot of medals,” James removed the last block of colour, before grabbing the collection and placing them together on Shepard’s bedside table.

When James turned back to Shepard, he was still radiating tension, almost standing at attention.

“At ease, Commander.” James walked back to Shepard, reaching for the top button of his uniform.

“I’m trying,” Shepard watched the movements of James' hands, following each button as they came undone, “I still don’t know where you are going with this.”

“Just getting you out of the uniform, Loco,” James undid the few hidden clasps to the jacket before pushing it from Shepard’s shoulders and throwing it to the couch.

Reaching for the dog tags sitting against Shepard’s chest, James pulled him down for a kiss, wrapping his arms around Shepard’s shoulders.

Licking at Shepard’s lips, James let out a groan as that strange forked tongue reached out to brush against his.

Placing both hands on Shepard’s waist, James backed Shepard against the fish tank, never breaking the kiss.

“James,” Shepard dropped his head back against the glass, “this isn’t undressing me.”

“No, this is kissing you.” James agreed, moving to Shepard’s neck, and licking the line of muscle he found there, “I’m getting to the undressing.” James reached for Shepard’s belt, undoing it and sliding it from the belt loops.

Shepard sucked in a breath as James lifted the white t-shirt pulling it over his head, running his fingers across the sensitive skin at the top of his pants, undoing the hooks before slowly undoing the fly over the bulge in the front of Shepard’s pants.

Dropping to his knees, James helped him slip off each shoe before reaching up and pulling the pants down Shepard’s legs, and dropping them on the floor beside them, looking up at Shepard.

“Okay?”

Shepard just nodded, and as James looked over his body, James noticed he was shaking. From anticipation or fear, he wasn’t sure. James stood and pulled him into a hug, running his hands over Shepard’s back to soothe him.

“Ready for bed?”

“What did you think about?” Shepard asked.

“What do you mean?”

“When you were thinking about me today, what did you think about?”

“Oh,” James flushed, stepping back slightly, “which time?”

“Any of them,” Shepard was studying his face, another _Shepard analysis_. James wasn’t sure why this was important but decided to be honest.

“First time, it was just a repeat of the other night, you teasing me on the bed,” James swallowed as Shepard pulled their hips together.

“Second time, it was me finding out what that freaky tongue of yours can do.”

“Whenever you want that, just ask,” Shepard licked at James’ tattoos, “keep going.”

“Third time,” James hesitated.

“Third time?”

“I was uh, bending you over the couch.” James wasn’t sure how Shepard would react.

“And what were you doing?”

“Fucking you,” James wasn’t sure how Shepard had turned this around, from James controlling the strip down to Shepard licking and biting his neck while James was hopeless to grind against him.

“Was it good?” Shepard pulled James over to the bed.

“What, fucking you? Or jerking off?”

“Fucking me,” Shepard dropped down onto the bed, lying back and pulling James to straddle him.

“Of course it was,” James looked down at Shepard, waiting to see where the line of questioning was going.

Shepard ran a hand over James’ erection, still clothed in Shepard’s sweatpants. “how did I get off?”

James flexed his hips against Shepard’s hand, “I jerked you off.”

“Huh,” Shepard looked shocked.

“What?” James shook his head, “what’s with the 20 questions? Why does this matter?”

Shepard just shook his head before pulling James down for a kiss.

James moved from Shepard’s mouth to his neck, kissing gently before sliding down his body, glancing to his face, “okay?”

Shepard was tense again, but nodded, and let out a low groan as James found a nipple and sucked on it gently.

James kissed down Shepard’s abs, letting his chest rub against Shepard’s erection on his way down, loving the little gasps falling from Shepard’s lips.

Reaching the edge of Shepard’s boxers James paused, tugging on the band, “can these come off?”

“In theory.”

James let out a huff of laughter, “I mean right now.”

There was a shuddering breath before Shepard nodded, and James tugged the boxers down and off of Shepard’s legs.

He had seen Shepard naked before, having showered with him, but there was something different about having him available to touch.

“Still good?” James ran a hand up the inside of Shepard’s thigh, watching as he spread his legs for James to sit between them.

“I’ll let you know when I’m not,” Shepard promised, “would be better if you were naked too.”

“Time for that later,” James brought his other hand up, holding Shepard’s hip, “I don’t need to be distracted.”

Shepard watched as James reached out and grabbed his cock, a confident but gentle stroke, followed by a slightly harder stroke before James picked up a rhythm that had Shepard panting.

“James, _fuck_,” Shepard rolled his hips up, trying to increase the friction, “feels so good.”

“Damn, John,” James licked up his body, biting a nipple on his way up, “you look so good like this.”

“Kiss me,” Shepard was practically pleading, and James moved to lay beside him, kissing Shepard deeply.

James added a twist at the top of his stroke, which had Shepard pulling back and gasping into James’ neck.

“Feel good, John?”

Shepard nodded into James’ neck, the tension coiling in his body.

“You gonna come for me?”

“_Yes_,” Shepard was breathing heavy.

“Come on, John,” James sped his hand up, “let me see you.”

Shepard’s back arched as he came, spilling across his chest, James’ name on his lips.

“_Fuck,_ John,” James kissed Shepard’s shoulder, “so hot.”

“Glad you approve,” Shepard reached down, and tugged at his sweats on James, “off.”

“I’m good.” James’ wasn’t sure how Shepard had recovered so quickly, but Shepard’s hand near his cock, which was _aching_ was distracting.

“James, there is no world in which I’m not going to end up covered in your cum tonight,” Shepard tugged on the waistband again, “_off,_ then straddle me.”

James kicked the pants off and straddled Shepard. If he wanted this, he wasn’t going to say no. 

“I got you,” Shepard reached down between them, grabbing James’ cock and stroking him.

“Hell yeah you got me, John, fuck look at you,” James brought his hands to each side of Shepard’s head, leaning down to kiss him, “you look so fucking sexy as you cum.”

“Your turn now,” Shepard’s pace was relentless, and James found himself nearing the edge faster than he thought possible given his earlier activities.

James groaned, “you’re so good.”

“Wait until I show you what I can really do,” Shepard’s biotics flared, and James gasped, “you have no idea, how many ways I can get you off, how good I’ll make you feel.”

James was panting as Shepard focused his biotics around his hand, the hum bringing him close, then falling over the edge with a broken “_fuck_” falling from his lips as his cum mixed with Shepard’s across his chest.

James leaned back, catching his breath, “how come, every time I want to get you off, I end up coming?”

“I’m good like that,” Shepard shrugged, “that being said, it sounds like you had three orgasms today that I had nothing to do with.”

“Yeah about that, what was with the questions?”

“I need to know if when you were thinking of me if it was you touching me, or just you fucking me.”

“Why?”

Shepard shifted under James’ weight, wincing slightly.

“Ah shit, your side?” as Shepard nodded, James rolled onto his back beside him.

“It mattered because I needed to know that was something you actually wanted,” Shepard sat slowly, stretching his side, “what you’re fantasizing about, it’s uncensored, it’s a real desire.”

“You didn’t think I really wanted you?”

“No, well yes,” Shepard stood, making his way to the bathroom, “it’s…complicated.” Shepard shut the door behind him, not answering the question.

When Shepard came back, he had cleaned himself off and was carrying a wet towel for James.

“_Gracias”_ James took the towel, “you didn’t answer me.”

“Its just baggage, James,” Shepard dropped onto the bed next to him, “a lot of baggage apparently.”

“Well, for the record,” James finished cleaning off his chest and got into bed with Shepard, taking his place on his chest, “I want you.”

Shepard didn’t say anything, instead kissing the top of his head and stroking his back.

“Do you believe me?” James had to ask.

“I’m trying to,” Shepard answered, and while it wasn’t the answer James wanted, he appreciated the honesty.

“Okay,” James closed his eyes, “let me know if there is something I can do to make it easier.”

“If I figure it out, I will.”


	15. A double date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James woke up to a still sleeping Shepard. Rising up slightly, James carefully got off of the bed and made his way to the coffee maker. Setting up the coffee to brew extra strong, just like Shepard liked it, James ducked into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

When James came out of the bathroom, he could see Shepard was awake, sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

“Loco, you okay?”

Shepard jumped at his voice, _jumped_.

“James?”

“Yeah,” James walked over to the bed, “what’s going on?”

Shepard blushed, “I, uh, woke up. You were gone. I think I just panicked for a minute.”

James sat next to Shepard, wrapping an arm over his shoulders, “just brushing my teeth, Loco.”

“Ugh,” Shepard dropped back against the mattress, “this is so ridiculous.”

“Bad breakups can fuck with you.”

“It’s been years, I should be past this.”

“Well, to be fair, you haven’t really dated since it happened, right? I think healing happens when you move on.” James laid back beside Shepard and linked their hands together, “I’m not going anywhere, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Shepard sighed, “I think that’s half the problem. If this were just sex it would be easier.”

“Sorry, I’m so irresistible.”

That earned a chuckle from Shepard, “you have no idea, James.”

“I made coffee,” James leaned over Shepard, kissing him gently, “it looks like tar, so I think I got it right.”

“Don’t insult my coffee, Lieutenant,” Shepard stood and walked over to his dresser, pulling his clothes on for the day.

“So,” James took in Shepard’s form in the blue jeans, and black t-shirt, “how long until we can have a repeat of last night?”

Shepard smiled, “I have a 10-hour shift, and it’s 0500 now. So, I guess I’m free around 1800?”

“That’s a long time to wait,” James trailed a hand down his chest, enjoying how Shepard watched.

“Vega you got off _four_ times yesterday. _Four_.” Shepard poured a cup of coffee and took a sip, “some of us are too old to keep up with that level of activity. Besides, aren’t you meant to be fixing my armour today? I’m back out there soon.”

“I guess if you’re going to make me work,” James stood and grabbed Shepard’s sweats from the night before, sliding them on.

“Why do you keep wearing my clothes?”

“They fit,” James shrugged, “I don’t have as many clothes as you.”

“You’re welcome to them,” Shepard pulled up his Omni-tool, and went through his messages before smiling broadly, “want to make the crews day?”

“Uh, sure?”

Shepard showed James the message. It was from Alliance Command, stating that the request for the Normandy retrofits had been approved. They had a week of shore leave, as soon as they could get to the Citadel.

“Shit, Loco, they’re going to freak.”

“EDI, can you put me through to Joker?” Shepard spoke to EDIs portal at the corner of the room.

“Hey Commander, what’s up?” Joker’s voice came over the speaker. “Need sex advice?”

“That was you, remember?” Shepard leaned against the desk and winked at James, “if I remember correctly, you wanted to know if a biotic field…”

“Okay! Shit, can’t take a joke.”

“How long will it take to get to the Citadel?”

“From here?”

“No, from the Krogan DMZ,” Shepard rolled his eyes, “of course from here.”

“About two days. We have a few relay’s we need to skip. Reapers are fucking with things.” James could hear Joker press a few buttons, “I might be able to get it down to a day and a half if I really risk it.”

“Two days is fine, set course, no risks.”

“Will do, Commander, Joker out.”

“How am I going to make the crew’s day?”

“You’re going to make the announcement,” Shepard went to his terminal, “all you need to say is that they have a two-day trip, then one week on the Citadel shore leave while the Normandy is undergoing the retrofit. If anyone needs accommodation, have them talk to Samantha.”

“Why me?”

“Why not?” Shepard shrugged, “It’s one of the best things of being in Command, and likely one of the only things I can actually share with you.”

“Alright,” James nodded, slightly touched at the gesture, “let’s do it.”

“Just press that button,” Shepard pointed to the screen, “and the whole ship can hear you.”

James sat in Shepard’s chair, took a deep breath, and pressed the button, “good morning Normandy crew, I have an announcement. We are currently on a two-day course to the Citadel. When we arrive, the Normandy will be taken in for retrofits, and our dashing Commander has arranged for us to have a week of shore leave. If you need a place to stay, touch base with Samantha, I hear she’s having a party at her house. Vega out.”

Shepard laughed, “you started off so well.”

“I rocked that whole thing, Loco,” James spun Shepard’s chair, “killed it.”

“And here I was trying to give you some practice for when the Normandy is yours,” Shepard did a dramatic sigh, “I had such hope.”

James snorted, “as if this baby would ever be mine.”

“Think about it. Anderson gave me the Normandy because I’m Alliance Navy, N7. Anderson is also Alliance, N7, so we have similar training. I get hurt, retire, whatever, he is going to want the ship in similar hands. That’s what the Normandy is for. So, it would most likely go to…?” Shepard raised an eyebrow.

“What you’re serious?”

“Absolutely.”

“Huh,” James sat back in the chair, “Commander Vega. Yeah, it’s got a ring to it.”

“Commander Shepard is a bit better, but it works in a pinch.” Shepard shrugged and jumped to the left as James moved to swat him.

“Well, we’re talking like, what? 15 years from now? It might be Commander Vega-Shepard for all you know,” James flushed at the insinuation, but continued, “so don’t you be back talking me now.”

“I hate to point out, Commander Vega-Shepard, that I would likely be Admiral by that point, and I would still outrank you. I’ll be bossing you around anyway.” Shepard bent to kiss James, “I have to go to work before you start a mutiny just to steal my ship.”

“Spoilsport,” James smiled into the kiss, “see you for dinner?”

“Of course,” Shepard left the quarters with a small wave, and James sat back in the chair, closed his eyes, and dreamed of a day he had a hyphenated last name.

***

_Dinner in the observation deck – JV_

_Any reason why? -JS_

_Double date – JV_

_With? – JS_

_Kaidan and Steve, I invited Joker and EDI, but apparently, they’re busy “flying the ship,” and Garrus and Tali had the main battery locked, I’m not going in – JV_

_Fair enough, let me have a shower, and I’ll be there in 10 -JS_

_See you soon – JV_

Shepard smiled, he wasn’t entirely sure why James had taken such a liking to ensure he had all his meals, but he felt better than he had in years. His body was grateful for the sudden care and attention.

Showering quickly, Shepard went to the observation deck. When he opened the door, he found a table for four had been set up near the bar, white table cloth, candles, it looked like a restaurant.

Shepard let out a low whistle.

“Like it?” Steve was standing behind the bar, mixing a drink, “James worked on it for ages.”

“It looks great,” Shepard sat at the bar, “he’s quite the romantic.”

“Never thought he would be,” Steve poured himself a drink before holding up a whiskey bottle to Shepard, at his nod he poured the Commander a drink, “he didn’t seem the type. He really wants it to work with you.”

“The feeling is mutual,” Shepard took a sip, “I feel like I’ve given him a hard start.”

Steve shrugged, “he must think you’re worth it. I mean, when he asks me for advice you know he’s serious. I can’t get him to listen to a word I say usually.”

“Where is he, anyway?”

“Getting dinner with Kaidan, I’m sure they’ll be back any minute.”

Shepard held up his glass in a toast, “to our men.”

“May they never leave us,” Steve clinked his glass against Shepards.

“What are you toasting?” Kaidan’s voice came from the door where he was helping James wheel a small cart of food in.

“You two.”

“Yeah? Something good?” James’ parked the cart next to the table and walked over to Shepard, “thanking the universe for good sex?”

Shepard snorted, “it’s not always about sex, James.”

James smiled, “but the sex _is _good.”

“That it is,” Shepard agreed, leaning forward to kiss James, “but you did say that would go without saying.”

James stole Shepard’s drink and took a sip, pulling a face, “that’s disgusting.”

“Acquired taste,” Shepard stood and walked behind the bar, “what are you drinking?”

James shrugged, “beer? It doesn’t matter.”

“Beer matters,” Kaidan interjected, “where the hell did you find this kid, Shepard?”

“He was a two for one deal,” Shepard grabbed two beers from the small fridge and brought it over to the table, “I got James, and he came with Steve.”

“Ah,” Kaidan started placing the plates on the table, “good deal, then.”

“I think so,” Shepard agreed, “they certainly round out the team.”

Steve smiled at James, “does he often talk about you like you’re not in the room?”

“Did you hear something?” Shepard paused, “weird, must be the wind.”

Steve laughed, “his jokes are terrible.”

“You have no idea, Esteban,” James took a seat.

“So, what’s for dinner?” Shepard sat next to James, eyeing the covered plates, “you’ve made this place look like the finest restaurant on the Citadel, I’m assuming you have something amazing planned?”

“Just some pasta,” James uncovered the plates to show what didn’t look like _just_ anything. Shepard could tell a lot of effort had gone into the food.

“It looks amazing,” Shepard kissed James’ temple.

Kaidan smiled at Steve, mouthing an “_aww_” in Shepard and James’ direction.

“Let’s eat.”

***

Dinner had been, much as Shepard expected, amazing.

“You’re gifted at cooking,” Shepard was leaning back in his chair, enjoying the feeling of a well-cooked meal, “screw the guns, you should stick with cooking.”

James chuckled, “I’m glad you approve.”

“I don’t think I’ve felt this good in years,” Shepard stood and gestured toward the couches, “shall we?”

“Sounds good,” Kaidan moved to the bar, “top-ups?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard agreed.

“I have to say, Vega, you can pull off a good date night,” Steve dropped to sit on the couch.

“When he stays awake,” Shepard dodged James swatting at him.

“One time,” James sat next to Shepard, “I fell asleep one time.”

“On our first date,” Shepard pointed out, “when we’ve only had like, three.”

“You fell asleep?” Steve pulled Kaidan down next to him as he returned with the drinks, “on your first date?”

James sighed, “you know he’s never going to let me live this down.”

Shepard shrugged, “from what I hear, there are worse things you could have been doing at 3 AM.”

Kaidan groaned, “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t, or you wouldn’t have come back onto the Normandy.”

“Maybe I just saw how cute your shuttle pilot was and decided I wanted to get to know him better.”

“You have always been a sucker for a nice pair of eyes,” Shepard agreed.

“So,” Steve interjected, a blush colouring his cheeks, “what are your plans for after?”

“What tonight? Cause Shepard has this weird fucking tongue, I’d like to get to know,”

Steve paused, “I meant after the war, but I’m going to need some explanation on this tongue thing.”

“Telling my secrets, now, Vega?” Shepard turned to Steve and stuck his tongue out.

“Holy shit,” Kaidan leaned forward to look closer, “can you do tricks with it?”

Shepard grabbed the small plastic sword from James’ drink, on which a single cherry had been placed. Wrapping his tongue around the sword, he slid the sword between the sides of his tongue before pulling the cherry into his mouth, holding it briefly before eating it, and responding with “nope.”

“Holy fuck,” Steve looked to James, “you might be the luckiest man in the galaxy.”

James watched as Shepard put the sword back in his drink, “yeah, not sure yet, Esteban, but it’s looking that way.”

“I knew you did some fucked up shit on earth,” Kaidan gestured to Shepard with the bottle of beer in his hand, “but that’s something else.”

Shepard shrugged, “it was a good idea at the time.”

“Back to my original question, what are your plans for after?”

“I’d like to spend some time at my parent’s cottage, if it’s still there,” Kaidan answered, “out in the middle of the woods. No people, no Reapers. Just some nice Canadian summer.”

“Can I come?” Steve asked, “or do I break the “no people” rule.”

“Of course,” Kaidan was smiling, “you’d love it.”

“I, uh,” James shifted in his seat, “I’ve been accepted into N7, so I guess I’ll be training.”

“You didn’t tell me that,” Steve patted James on the shoulder, “that’s amazing.”

“Yeah, I wanted to think about it for a while before I accepted. It sounds really difficult.”

“It is really difficult,” Shepard agreed, “and you’ll do fine.”

“I was thinking,” Steve looked to Kaidan, “maybe a wedding?”

“Definitely a wedding.” Kaidan nodded.

“You want to get married now, you just let me know.” Shepard wrapped an arm around James, “apparently, I can do that.”

“And what about you?” Kaidan asked, “what are you going to do after?”

“No idea,” Shepard answered, “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“Of course you have,” Kaidan disagreed, “everyone thinks about the future.”

Shepard shrugged, “I never thought I would have one.”

“Why not?”

“Well,” Shepard took a sip of his drink, a larger sip than usual, “first I was an orphan, growing up on the streets. Then I was a red sand addict, living in drug dens. Neither of those tends to end up with a future.”

“You’ve been in the Alliance for years,” Kaidan pointed out, “you must have thought of something when your circumstance changed.”

“Maybe. When I first became a Spectre, it was “I’m going to take Saren down” and then,” Sheppard shrugged, “I died.”

“How long were you, uh, dead for?” Steve asked.

“I’m not exactly sure. I know I was gone for two years. Cerberus was rebuilding me for a while. I probably had a solid year of being actually dead.”

“But now you’re not dead,” Kaidan pointed out, changing the topic from Shepard’s past mortality, “and you’ve had more time to think about it.”

Shepard didn’t answer, and James could feel the tension throughout his body.

“I have to admit, I’m curious,” Steve added, “what does the most famous Commander of the Alliance want to do when he grows up?”

“Come on, John,” Kaidan pressed, “when you have a minute to think about a time after all of this. What are you doing?”

“Model ship store,” James answered for him, pulling a slight laugh from Shepard.

“I just said that to make you laugh,” Shepard squeezed James slightly, “I would hate dealing with that many people each day.”

“Yeah, I hear it’s a hot market,” James rolled his eyes, “busiest stores on the Citadel.”

“Smartass.”

“John,” Kaidan nudged Shepard with his boot, “we just told you we are getting married and living in a cottage. If we’re telling you our plans you can give us a hint of yours.”

Shepard sighed, “I haven’t really thought about it in detail. I guess, in an ideal world.” Shepard shrugged, “a home?”

“A home?”

“Yeah, a place that isn’t a ship, or an Alliance training facility. Something that’s mine.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” James agreed, “I’ll need somewhere to live during training.”

“I wouldn’t mind a husband,” Shepard added, looking at James, “maybe kids if I got to that stage.”

“You really haven’t thought about it?” Kaidan asked.

“Kaidan, we both know that I’m not going to live that long.” Shepard downed the rest of his drink, standing to get another, “this whole second life is borrowed time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to make the best of it, but Cerberus never designed me to see the end of this war. The choices I’ve made, the choices I’m going to have to make…I figure my chances are pretty slim.”

There was no answer to that. The three men sitting on the couch passed unreadable looks between them.

“You really think so?” Kaidan asked after a minute had passed.

“Yes, I really do.”

“Well,” James interjected, “I don’t buy that shit.”

“James –“

“No, Loco, you listen here,” James pointed at Shepard as he sat back down, “I _just_ got you. I have had some fucking shit in my life, and for once I deserve this. No fucking chance that fate would bring something like you into my life just to take it away again. Not after I lost my mom, and my dad being a bag of shit. You’re the best thing I got going for me, and you’re not going anyway. Deal?”

Shepard looked at James for a minute, taking in his flushed expression from his outburst, “I really fucking love you, you know that?”

“That’s my point Loco,” James pulled Shepard in for a kiss, “love like this is just _made _to last. Got it?”

“Got it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I'm asked - I know that I said he can hear through walls - and he would have heard James' brushing his teeth. 
> 
> That being said, I have gone blind during a panic attack. So I feel like I can take some liberties with Shepard listening for a tooth brush after waking up alone.


	16. A family call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's back from vacation?
> 
> Alilypea is back from vacation.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapters - I had more written, but lost them when my computer decided to go tits up this weekend. I will get you some more content as soon as I possibly can!
> 
> For now - everyone send love and kudos to Alilypea, who is single-handedly keeping this story rolling.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James felt, well, he wasn’t sure _how _he was feeling. Emotionally charged, determined, possessive, all seemed like appropriate descriptive terms. However, he felt, it was making him restless; something Shepard picked up on straight away.

“What’s up?” Shepard was leaning against the elevator wall as it took them up to their quarters.

“Not sure,” James flexed, stretching his arms out, trying to release the tension, “just feel…ramped up.”

“I can tell,” Shepard reached out and grabbed James by the belt, pulling him closer, “never thought you would get this wound up over a double date.”

“I don’t think it was the date, Loco,” James wrapped his arms around Shepard’s shoulders, “I think it’s you.”

“Me?” the corner of Shepard’s mouth curved into a small smile, “what did I do?”

“Gave me something to fight for.”

“Ah,” Shepard nodded, “that’s it.”

“What?”

“You’re twitchy because you’re prepping for a fight,” Shepard ran a soothing hand over James’ back, “after you started talking about fate, you looked tense, it makes sense now. If you could go outside and punch a Reaper you would feel better.”

James thought for a minute before agreeing, “guess so. I just want to make sure that you’re around, for after.”

“I’ll do my best,” Sheard pulled James from the elevator as it arrived on their floor.

“Do better than that,” James followed Shepard down toward the bed and watched as Shepard kicked off his boots and turned back to him.

“What can I do more than my best?”

“I don’t know,” James followed suit, kicking his boots next to Shepard’s, “promise me?”

“I can’t do that, James.”

“Why not?”

“I never promise anything if I know I may not be able to keep it.” Shepard pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it in the nearby hamper.

“Not even an “I promise you don’t look fat in that?” promise?” James pulled off his own shirt, leaving it on the floor.

“Nope,” Shepard started working on his belt before being stopped by James’ hands taking over, “I come from a place where sometimes your word is all you have. If you get into the routine of promising things that you can’t do, you couldn’t be trusted. Promises hold a lot of weight for me. I don’t make promises just to make people happy if I don’t know if I can do what I promised.”

“Noble of you,” James pulled Shepard’s belt from his pants and undid his pants, letting them fall to the floor for Shepard to kick off.

“Guess so,” Shepard helped James with his belt and pants, leaving them both in their Alliance issued boxer briefs, “I just always wanted to be honest, even if I wasn’t doing honest things.”

“Sounds like you,” James wrapped his arms around Shepard’s waist, pulling him in for a kiss.

Shepard let out a low sound of pleasure, bringing a hand up to play with James’ hair at the nape of his neck.

“So,” James’ pulled back slightly, “can we try something new tonight?”

Shepard traced James’ bottom lip with this thumb, “did you have anything specific you were thinking of?”

James shrugged, “you know better than I do.”

“Maybe,” Shepard agreed, “but did you have something specific you’ve wanted to try?”

“I can think of a lot of things,” James pressed his hips forward, grinding their half-hard cocks together, “but I’ll let you take the lead.”

Shepard smiled at that “probably a good choice.”

“Always is.”

Shepard took a step toward James, guiding him back to the bed, pushing him back as his knees hit the edge of the mattress.

“Lay back, get comfortable, I’m just going to grab something.” Shepard walked over to the dresser and opened the top drawer, where James knew he had the lube and the condoms. He felt his core coil with tension.

“What’re you getting, Loco?”

“The lube you moved the other day,” Shepard chucked at James’ flush, “I wondered what had caught your attention.”

“You like making me blush, don’t you?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard agreed, “you look adorable when you blush.”

Shepard grabbed the bottle and left it on the bedside table before straddling James.

“You’re tense,” Shepard trailed his fingers across James’ chest, “everything okay?”

“What’s the lube for?”

“Lubrication,” Shepard smirked as James swatted his thigh, “relax, I told you that I wasn’t going to push you into anything, and I won’t. Lube just helps with what I have in mind.”

James let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, “okay, I trust you.”

Shepard leaned forward, stretching his body over James to line up their hips before kissing him.

James let himself relax into the bed as Shepard licked his bottom lip, bringing his hand up to trace Shepard’s jaw as he tilted his head slightly to deepen this kiss.

Shepard moaned softly, nothing more than a sigh against James’ lips, but it was enough for his body to react, rolling his hips to brush his erection against Shepard’s.

Shepard moved his attention to James’ tattoos, kissing and biting at the lines over his shoulder and down his chest.

Moving lower, Shepard licked and sucked at James’ nipples. A place, James realized, was far more sensitive than he thought.

“John,” James rolled his hips, “this feels amazing, but it’s not something new.”

“Shhh,” Shepard kissed down James’ stomach, licking a line from one hip to another, “don’t rush me.”

Tugging at James’ boxers, Shepard pulled them down his legs and tossed them over his shoulder before pulling off his own and moving to straddle James once more, leaning forward to grab the bottle from the table.

“Give me your hand,” Shepard held his own hand out, palm up.

“Which one?”

“Whichever one you jerk off with.”

James rested his right hand in Shepard’s, “I don’t need lube to jerk off, Loco. I’m not cut.”

“Neither am I,” Shepard responded, as he poured some of the liquid into James’ palm, “but it will make this feel better.”

Shepard lined up his hips, grabbing both of their dicks with one hand and stroking them together. James sucked in a breath at the sensation.

“Your turn,” Shepard nodded to James’ hand, and suddenly the lube made sense.

Reaching between them James took over from Shepard, coating both of their cocks in lube and stroking slowly.

“_Fuck,_” James watched as his hand worked over both of them, “that’s good.”

“Ready for me to get started?”

“We aren’t started?”

Shepard smiled before rolling his hips in time with James’ hand, bringing a new level of sensation. James groaned at the feeling and fought the urge to increase the speed, wanting to draw this out.

“Feel good?” Shepard sounded breathless, his abs flexing at each controlled thrust.

James just nodded, closing his eyes and surrendering to the sensation, falling into a natural rhythm.

Shepard let out a low moan, before bringing their mouths together, kissing James as his biotics flickered a bright blue.

James’ opened his eyes to look at Shepard, whose biotics flickered on and off with each roll of his hips. Blue with each forward press, gone with each slide back.

“You’re beautiful,” James’ voice sounded wrecked to his own ears, thick with lust.

Shepard smiled down at him, “We look good together.” Shepard’s voice was pitched just as low, and James felt relieved that he was just as affected.

James let his eyes watch as his hand worked over them, picking up his speed and watching Shepard’s biotics run over his skin.

“Can you do that thing you did yesterday?” James sped his hand up, and Shepard increased the speed of his thrusts. Taking their time seeming less critical with the orgasm building within his core.

“Biotics?” Shepard was clearly past the point of complete sentences, beads of sweat forming at his brow.

James nodded, increasing the speed, even more, panting into Shepard's neck with each thrust of Shepard’s hips.

The glow from Shepard’s biotics increased, and James felt the hum all over his body before Shepard directed it down to where James had his hand wrapped around them.

“Ah yeah,” James threw his head back into the pillow and moaned as Shepard bit over his tattoo, “please tell me you’re getting close.”

“Ready when you are,” Shepard licked where he had just bitten and increased the biotic field over their cocks, “tell me when you’re going to cum.”

James nodded, moving his hand over them roughly, chasing his completion just out of his reach.

Shepard was panting into his neck, broken moans of James’ name, and “_yes” _and “_fuck_,” falling from his lips.

James felt the familiar tightening in his core, the sensation moving steadily towards its peak, “almost,” James rolled his hips, increasing the friction.

“_Yes,”_ Shepard pulled himself up to his elbows, thrusting with enough force to move James’ up the bed with each push, “look at me, James.”

James’ eyes flew open, meeting the bright blue, glowing eyes of Shepard, pupils were blown out, a flush across his face.

“I love you,” Shepard came with a groan, spilling over James' hand, his biotics intensifying to a near painful buzz.

James followed Shepard over the edge, a low “_John_,” falling from his lips as he came across his chest.

Shepard dropped onto his back next to James, panting.

“Holy fuck, John,” James closed his eyes, “you’re good.”

Shepard chuckled, “glad you approve.”

“I love you too, by the way,” James added, looking down at his cum covered chest, “I need a shower.”

“Want company?”

“After cuddles,” James tugged at Shepard, encouraging him to move closer, and smiled as Shepard rested his head on his shoulder.

***

The shower had been a series of gentle touches, kisses, and bathing each other. Both too satisfied and tired for anything further.

Towelling off, James checked his Omni-tool at the sound of an incoming message ding.

“Fuck,” James reviewed the message with a frown, drawing Shepard’s attention.

“What’s the matter?”

James turned his Omni-tool to Shepard could read the message over his shoulder.

_Message send failure, Emilio Vega 061910, unavailable. -Alliance CMD_

“Your uncle?” Shepard asked, pulling on a pair of boxers.

“Yeah,” James grabbed a pair of Shepard’s sweats and pulled them on, forgoing the underwear.

“When did you talk to him last?”

“Just before we left earth,” James dropped onto the edge of the bed, “I haven’t been able to reach him since we left, Alliance command won’t tell me shit, and they clearly aren’t passing my messages along.”

Shepard paused for a minute, clearing considering something, before walking over to his terminal and gesturing for James to follow him.

“What’s up?”

Shepard brought up a program, a large Spectre logo appearing across the screen.

“Authorization?” a computerized voice sounded from the terminal.

“John Shepard.” Shepard sat in the chair in front of the terminal as a bright light scanned him.

“Shepard. Human. Spectre status recognized.” 

The screen in front of Shepard changed, a blur of moving menus, messages, and maps scrolling across the screen.

“Is he Alliance Navy?”

“Uh, yes,” James moved closer, “what is this?”

“Something you probably shouldn’t be looking at,” Shepard clicked through a bunch of menus before stopping on what James’ assumed was the correct screen.

“What’s his number?”

“061910.”

Shepard typed the number into a small search bar and waited. Within seconds, the face of his uncle was looking back at him.

“Loco?” James looked over the screen, “what is this?”

“His service record,” Shepard scrolled through it, before stopped and pointing at the screen.

_Service – Active _

_Position – Military Police_

_Current Location – New York, New York, Earth_

_Last log – 12 hours ago_

“He’s alive,” James breathed out a sigh of relief, “on earth?”

Shepard nodded, “I’m guessing the Reapers are screwing with the transmissions.”

“Can you go back to his picture?”

Shepard scrolled up to Emilio’s picture, and James felt his eyes sting as they welled up.

“I just wanted to let him know I was okay; I was with you on the Normandy. I must have sent him 30 messages, and they all bounce back.”

Shepard reached up and took James’ hand from where it rested on his shoulder, kissing it, “I’m sorry.”

James shook his head, “it’s stupid. There are lots of people losing their families everywhere. I hardly have the right to be upset that I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

Shepard closed the terminal down and turned to face James, reaching out to brush a tear that James hadn’t noticed fall from his cheek.

“Get dressed and follow me,” Shepard grabbed some clothes and pulled them on, pulling up his Omni-tool.

_If you’re not asleep, I could use backup – JS_

_No problem, what’s going on? -SC_

_Meet me in the vid comm room. – JS_

“Loco?”

“Come on,” Shepard pulled on his boots, not bothering to lace them, and waited as James pulled on a sweater and his boots.

“What are we doing?”

“You’ll see,” Shepard pressed the button for the CTC, took a deep breath, and prayed to the gods he didn’t believe in.

***

Steve was waiting for Shepard and James as they arrived in the vid comm room, still mostly in his pyjamas, minus his boots.

“Esteban? John, what are you doing?” James watched as Shepard walked over to the communications terminal and turned it on.

“EDI,” Shepard called, “what time is it on earth?”

“11 AM,” EDI responded.

“I’m going to try something I haven’t done before,” Shepard reached around the back of the terminal and pulling a wire that James knew was used for repair, “let me know if I start fucking with the Normandy’s systems.”

“Alright, Shepard.”

“Is Joker with you?”

“Yes.”

“Joker, how long until our next relay jump?”

“About five minutes, Commander.”

“Make a loop – I need 15 minutes, and the Reapers are going to be on us like a bad smell.”

“Ugh, sure thing, Commander.”

Shepard was looking at his right arm, running a finger over the skin of his forearm.

“Loco?”

Shepard looked at James, “I can’t promise this is going to work, but I want you to think of everything you want to say to your uncle while I try and get this running.”

James watched as Shepard, finding the spot he has been looking for, pressed the jack into his arm, through the skin. Shepard’s body jolted and the lights running under his skin-brightened noticeably.

“Commander, I have identified an unknown individual in our communication systems.”

Shepard watched the drip of blood run down his arm before responding, “just me, EDI, try to not lock me out.”

“Understood.”

James watched as Shepard pulled up the terminal and began navigating menus, settings, and errors, with practiced ease which made Tali look like a novice.

“Stand in the middle of the room,” Shepard didn’t turn back, but as James walked to the circle on the floor, he saw the holographic version of himself appear on Shepard’s screen.

“Loco, you’re bleeding.” James watched the blood dripping from his arm to the floor.

“That happens,” Shepard squinted at the screen, “found them.”

“Found who?”

“Your uncles’ squad,” Shepard pressed a button and James heard the outgoing beeps of a vid-call.

“Communications Officer Davis,” a slightly crackling voice came over the speakers, and slowly a holographic vision of a young man appeared in front of James.

“I need to speak with Emilio Vega,” Shepard responded from the terminal.

Officer Davis let out a snort, “I don’t know who you think you are, but you’d better be someone pretty important if you think you can make demands from me. We’re meant to be on a radio silent mission. You could fuck our whole operation over.”

“Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy, N7, Spectre,” Shepard didn’t even look up, “you get me Emilio Vega, now, or I’ll put you on the front line, and we can discuss what an important mission looks like.”

“Wait, like _the_ Commander Shepard?”

“Now.”

“Of course, Commander, standby.” Officer Davis disappeared from view.

“Holy shit,” James felt his hands get clammy, “holy _shit_, are you actually doing this?”

“I’m trying,” Shepard’s hands were flying across the screen, “it’s not a stable connection.”

“Commander Shepard?”

Shepard looked up at that, just for a moment, before pressing a button on the screen.

“I can give you five minutes, James,” Shepard’s cybernetics were slightly brighter, “and then the Reapers will be on us.”

“Jimmy?” Emilio Vega’s holographic form appeared in front of James, “Jimmy is that you?”

“Emilio,” James reached out, his hand going through the hologram in front of him, “Yeah, it’s me.”

“_Gracias a Dios_,” Emilio crossed himself, “I haven’t heard from you in months, I had been worried.”

“I’m on the Normandy. I’ve been trying to reach you, but I can’t get through,” James felt weak at the knees, “I wanted to let you know I was safe, I’m with Shepard, we’re working on some big project that’s going to take those _pendejos_ down.”

“The Normandy?” Emilio laughed, “you’ve wanted to be on the Normandy since you knew it existed.”

“I know,” James looked at Shepard before turning back to his uncle, “are you safe?”

There was a pause before Emilio answered, “no, Jimmy. They have us in a saturated gang area. As soon as I get the supplies we need, the gangs pick us off. If it’s not the Reapers, it’s the gangs.”

“Can you manage?”

Emilio shrugged, “I’m too old for this, but I’m doing my best. I would be better on the Citadel. I knew I should have taken that job with C-Sec.”

“What gangs?” Shepard asked from the terminal, the blood flowing freely from his arm now.

“Couldn’t tell you, Commander,” Emilio answered, “I’m not familiar.”

“Any tattoos, colours?”

“They wear mostly red.”

Shepard nodded, “I’ll see if I can help.”

“Appreciate it.”

The hologram crackled slightly, and Shepard swore, lights in his arm burning bright now as it restored.

“Commander? There are Reapers in the area,” Joker sounded over the speaker above him.

“Punch it, Joker, give me one more circle around the relay, I’m almost done.”

“10-4.”

“James, you need to say everything that you wanted to say, we’re running out of time.”

James turned back to his uncle, “I wanted to say thank you. For taking me in, for setting me straight, for making sure I turned out okay.” James let out a shrug, “thank you for being my Dad when mine was a piece of shit.”

Emilio smiled, “I love you, Jimmy. You’re my son, no matter what.”

“I love you, too,” James looked at Shepard one more time, “I should probably let you know that I’m dating Commander Shepard.”

“That so?” Emilio crossed his arms, “I’ll have to give him the shovel talk next time I see him.”

“Noted,” Shepard said from the terminal, “James I can’t hold this much longer.”

“I have to go,” James turned to his uncle, forcing himself to memorize his face, “if something happens to me, I just wanted to say goodbye.”

“Nothing’s going to happen to you, Jimmy,” Emilio wiped his face, the hologram not clear enough to show the tears, “and I’ll speak with you soon.”

“Bye, Emilio.”

“Goodbye, Jimmy,” Emilio flickered from view.

“Commander, we need to go, like now,” Joker called out.

Shepard pulled the cable from his arm, “go.”

There was a slight shift as the Normandy went through the mass relay before EDIs voice sounded “Reapers evaded.”

Shepard looked at the blood, running down his arm, “ow.”

“John,” Steve held out a small cloth to Shepard who took it gratefully, wrapped it around his arm.

“I can’t believe you did that,” James looked at Shepard.

Shepard met James’ gaze, smiling softly, “I’d do anything for you.”

James closed the distance between them and pulled Shepard into a hug, “thank you.”

Shepard returned the hug with his good arm squeezing gently, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck, “you’re welcome.”

James took a second to collect himself, breathing in the smell of Shepard, something which now felt more like home than the memories of baking did, and bringing his emotions under control before he took a step back.

“So, you can plug into the ship,” Steve broke the silence “and boost communication signals?”

“I can plug into lots of things,” Shepard pointed to the lights in his arms, “Cerberus made it so I can override almost everything without losing my hands if I need to shoot something.”

“Huh,” Steve looked at the blood-stained cloth, “you’re full of surprises.”

“I love you,” James was looking at the space his uncle had been standing, “so fucking much.”

Shepard shrugged, “I love you too. I’m sorry it couldn’t have been longer.”

“No,” James shook his head, “that was everything.”

“Why don’t you go with Steve up to our quarters.” Shepard gestured to the terminal with his thumb, “I need to put the encryption back up, and stop in with Joker. I’ll be up in five.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard nodded, “I’m right behind you.”

Steve took James’ arm and guided him from the vid comm room, a supportive arm over his shoulder.

Shepard waited until he could hear the elevator taking Steve and James upstairs before he turned back to the terminal, pressing a combination of buttons and waiting.

“N7,” a female voice called over the terminal.

“This is Commander Shepard. I’m calling in my one.”


	17. Please let it stay like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“You should marry that man,” Steve commented on the ride up, “he’s amazing.”

James just nodded, the emotional drain of speaking with his uncle settling in.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” James nodded, “I can’t believe he did that.”

“Did you tell him you couldn’t get through?”

“I showed him the latest bounce back.” James walked into the quarters and dropped onto the couch, Steve following behind him.

“At least you got the chance, right?”

“I have no idea how I’m going to pay him back for this.” James leaned his head back onto the couch, closing his eyes.

“That’s the thing about love, James,” Steve found the small fridge and pulled out two bottles of water, handing one to James, “it’s not about payback. It’s about taking care of each other.”

James took a drink, “there’s cooking each other dinner, and then there’s plugging into a computer and pulling rank to give me a five-minute call with my uncle.”

“Shepard can’t cook,” Steve pointed out, “maybe this is his way of showing he appreciates you.”

James shook his head, “I can never be the man he deserves.”

“Shepard doesn’t agree with you, clearly,” Steve disagreed, “he was upset because he wanted to give you more time.”

James didn’t answer, instead studying the label on the bottle in his hand. Steve rested a hand on his friends’ shoulder, offering silent support while they waited for Shepard to return.

***

Ten minutes later, Shepard walked into the quarters. The cloth now replaced with a proper bandage.

“You okay, Loco?” James looked at the bandage.

“Fine, I just can’t get medi-gel in the port,” Shepard dropped on the edge of the bed, “it’ll be healed by the morning.”

James nodded, finishing his water and standing to kick off his boots, “I’m exhausted.”

“I’ll head out,” Steve stood.

“Esteban?”

“Yeah, James?”

“Thanks for staying.”

“Of course, Mr. Vega,” Steve turned with a wave, “I couldn’t deny you the pleasure of my company.”

“It’s almost 3 AM, Esteban,” James sat on the bed next to Shepard, “you better hurry up or you’ll miss the light show in the shower.”

The sound of Steve’s laugh could be heard through the doors as he made his way to the elevator.

“Are you really okay?” Shepard reached out for James’ shoulder, hesitating slightly before rubbing the muscle.

“Yeah,” James dropped his chin to his chest, letting Shepard rub into the shoulder, “just, overwhelmed, I guess.”

“Understandable,” Shepard tugged at James’ shirt, pulling it off as James raised his arms, “let’s get some sleep and tomorrow will be easier.”

James let himself be undressed by Shepard and tucked into bed, watching with half-closed eyes as Shepard stripped and got into the bed next to him.

“Why’d you call Esteban?”

“To make sure you had a friend, just in case you needed one.”

“Thank you,” it had made things easier, even if James’ hadn’t been speaking to Steve. The familiar presence had made the night feel less overwhelming.

“You’re welcome.”

“I owe you, big time.”

“No, you don’t,” Shepard kissed the top of his head as James settled against his chest.

“Yeah, I do, Loco,” James wrapped his arm across Shepard’s stomach, “how am I meant to pay you back?”

“Stay?”

“Stay where?”

“With me?”

“That’s what you want?” James looked up at Shepard.

“For as long as I can have you.”

“Okay, deal,” James closed his eyes, “love forever for a vid-call.”

“Sounds like a good deal to me.” Shepard agreed as he drifted off to sleep.

***

James woke up wrapped around Shepard, who had turned on his side during the night. Judging by his breathing, Shepard was still sound asleep.

Looking at his Omni-tool, James noticed the flashing light of a waiting message. Carefully rolling onto his back, as to not wake Shepard, he checked the notification.

_Shepard linked me into the Normandy chat service, you should be able to get through now – EV_

James looked over at the sleeping man, a surge of warmth in his chest.

_I just wanted to know you were okay – JV_

_None of us are okay, Jimmy, but we’re doing our best – EV_

_Guess so – JV_

_So, you and Shepard? – EV_

Jumping right to the chase, James let out a small huff of laughter, Emilio was never one to let it slide.

_Yeah, me and Shepard – JV_

_You guys serious, or just blowing off steam? – EV_

_It’s serious – JV_

_How long? – EV_

_How long have we been together, or how long have I been serious about him? - JV_

_Both – EV_

_We haven’t been official for long, but I’ve loved him since earth – JV_

_You sure you’re not rushing this, Jimmy? – EV_

_What do you mean? – JV_

_He’s been your hero since you were young, are you sure this is love and not hero-worship? – EV_

_I’m sure I know how I feel. – JV_

_He’s not pressuring you into this, is he? -EV_

_I cornered him drunk and kissed him. He rejected me until I was sober enough to talk about it. Pretty safe to say it was my idea. – JV_

There was a pause in the messages, and James waited. Emilio was protective, and James assumed that he was trying to word his next message without upsetting him.

_Why did he help you reach me? – EV_

That wasn’t what James had expected.

_I showed him that I had been trying to reach you and couldn’t get through. Told him I wanted to talk to you – JV_

_Did he ask for anything for doing it? – EV_

_No, he never does – JV_

_Well, I didn’t know you were playing for both teams, Jimmy, but if you’re happy and he treats you well, it’s all I can ask – EV_

_He’s a good man – JV_

_I don’t doubt that you just have to watch the news stories to know what kind of man he is. But how you are as a man does not always reflect on how you are as a partner. – EV_

_I think you’d like him – JV_

_Hopefully, we get to meet, I still need to give him the shovel talk – EV_

_He took down the Collectors, you think he’s scared of you, old man? – JV_

_Everyone is afraid of their future father-in-law – EV_

James chuckled, and Shepard stirred next to him.

“What’s so funny?” Shepard rolled onto his back, rubbing his eyes, “I’m drooling or something?”

“I’m talking to Emilio,” James waved his Omni-tool, “someone tied him into the Normandy chat.”

“Oh, it worked, good,” Shepard kept his eyes closed, “and that’s not the Normandy chat, it’s my private chat server. If I put him in the Normandy chat, there would be a lot of questions about why I couldn’t make calls for everyone who was missing their family.”

“True.”

_Please be nice to him, he’s important, I want him to stick around – JV_

_If he cares about you the way it seems like he does, I think I could shoot him, and he would stay – EV_

_He gets shot enough, no guns – JV_

_You’re no fun anymore, Jimmy – EV_

_Shepard’s up, I’m going to go. Apparently, this is Shepard’s private chat server, you can get me whenever you want on here – JV_

_Sounds good, Jimmy, check in every few days – EV_

_Will do – JV_

_Tell Shepard I say hi, and thanks -EV_

“Emilio says hi,” James turned off his Omni-tool, “and thanks.”

“You’re both welcome,” Shepard opened his eyes and looked at James, “other than the phone call, did you have fun last night?”

James’ closed his eyes at the memory, remembering the way Shepard’s body moved against his and the feeling of his biotics, “fuck yeah, Loco.”

“Good,” Shepard stretched in bed, arching his back in a way that had James remembering the first time Shepard had let him touch him.

“Do you have anywhere to be?” James turned on his side, sliding closer to Shepard.

“Technically, this is my day off.”

“Does that mean you have no rush to get out of bed?”

“No rush,” Shepard agreed.

“Good,” James reached out and placed a hand on Shepard’s chest, feeling the steady beat and slight whir of his heart under his palm.

Shepard looked at James, “what’re you doing?”

“Exploring,” James responded, “close your eyes and relax.”

Much to James’ satisfaction, Shepard did. Closing his eyes and settling into the bed.

James pulled back the covers slightly, bringing them down to Shepard’s hips, before gently running his fingers over the defined lines of Shepard’s abs.

James felt the muscles shift as he took his index finger and traced each muscle before drawing his attention to the vee shape by his hips, tracing the line down to the sheet, across the sensitive skin of Shepard’s lower stomach, and back up the other side.

Shepard let out a low hum, and James looked back at his face. Shepard’s eyes were still closed, a small smile on his face.

“Feel nice?”

“Very,” Shepard opened one eye, “feel free to continue.”

“Oh, I will,” James sat, pulling the blanket off of Shepard all together. At the subtle shiver that crossed Shepard’s frame, he called out.

“EDI, can you make it warmer in here?”

“Certainly, Lieutenant,” EDI responded, and James heard the sound of the climate control unit kicking in.

“Planning on keeping me naked in bed for a while?” Shepard asked, not moving to open his eyes or cover himself where his cock sat hard and heavy against his stomach.

“Well, I don’t know about a while, but for now,” James move to sit between Shepard’s legs and placed a hand on each knee, “you’re usually in a rush to play with me, right now we have time for me to reciprocate.”

“I’m all yours.”

James ran his hands up the inside of each leg, stopping mid-thigh before sliding back down, repeating this over again, each time moving slightly higher up the inside of his legs until he was almost brushing against where Shepard was aching.

“You call me a tease,” Shepard rolled his hips at another near touch from James.

“You are a tease, Loco,” James moved slightly closer, brushing the back of his knuckles against Shepard’s cock before his hands retreated again.

“Have it your way,” Shepard took a deep breath, “I can wait.”

James leaned forward, kissing next to Shepard’s belly button, then kissing slightly lower until he felt his chin brush against Shepard’s cock. James realized that Shepard was holding his breath.

James reached out, wrapping his hand around Shepard’s cock and jerking him off slowly.

“Is it driving you crazy knowing my mouth is this close to your cock?” James made sure his breath passed over the head of Shepard’s dick as he spoke.

“Yes,” Shepard sounded breathless, and James could see his muscles shaking under the effort to not thrust up toward his face.

“Have you thought about it?” James had his mouth close enough that Shepard could feel his lips moving as he spoke.

“Yes,” Shepard was clenching the bed sheets with white knuckles now.

“Do you want me to suck your cock now?”

James watched as Shepard took a gasping breath before answering, “please.”

James thought back to all of the blow jobs he had received before and took time to cover teeth with his lips he took the head of Shepard’s dick into his mouth, sucking gently.

“_Fuck_.”

James could hear the sheets rip under Shepard’s grip, and glanced up to see Shepard’s head tilted back, his mouth opened slightly as he gasped, tension radiating across his shoulders.

James picked up the speed, not experienced enough to take much more than the head of Shepard’s dick in his mouth, he made up for it with his hand stroking the rest of Shepard’s length as he sucked and licked the head of Shepard’s dick.

James’ pulled off with a pop, just long enough to say, “watch me, John.”

When Shepard’s eyes opened, there was only the smallest stripe of blue left, the rest taken over by dilated pupils. James gave a wicked smiled before making a show of running his tongue up the underside of Shepard’s dick before he took it back into his mouth.

“You feel so good,” Shepard’s eyes were fixed on James’ mouth as he bobbed up and down, “_god,_ you look _so_ good.”

James hummed in acknowledgment and Shepard’s biotics flared at the sensation, a bright blue tidal wave rolling over his body.

“I’m getting close,” Shepard warned as if his biotics weren’t enough of a hint.

James hummed again, increasing his pace.

“Ah fuck,” Shepard dropped his head back onto the pillow, “unless you want me to cum in your mouth, you need to stop.”

James considered, for a minute, before pulling off and jerking Shepard off, quick firm movements having him spill over James’ hand with a broken sob of his name falling from Shepard’s lips.

Letting Shepard catch his breath, James grabbed a t-shirt from the floor to wipe his hands.

Slowly, Shepard’s biotics eased before disappearing altogether with a final sigh.

“Was that okay?” James had to ask, the insecurity of it being his first time settling in his gut like a lead weight.

“Very okay,” Shepard nodded, before opening his eyes to look at James, “what did you think of it?”

James shrugged, “not sure that I’m ready for you to come in my mouth, but watching you fall apart like that is pretty fucking hot.”

Shepard smiled, “if you say so.”

“I do.”

“Great, now how about I show you what my tongue can do?”

James felt his dick throb at the thought, “yeah, I’ve been dying to find out.”

“Come on,” Shepard stood, signalling to James to follow as he walked toward the bathroom, “shower.”

James followed Shepard into the bathroom, watching him turn the water on and waiting for to heat up.

“Some ground rules,” Shepard said, turning to him, “you’re welcome to fuck my mouth, in fact, I encourage it, but if you go out of your way to make me gag, I’ll be pissed. And you’re welcome to come in my mouth, I just want you to warn me first.”

With that, Shepard stepped into the shower and stood under the steaming water, washing off the evidence of James’ earlier explorations.

James stood dumbfounded at the thought of fucking Shepard’s mouth but followed behind him moments later.

Shepard made quick work of getting them both clean, before dropping to his knees in front of James without ceremony.

“John,” James sighed as Shepard kissed James’ hip, “for the love of all that is good, please don’t fucking tease me. I’ve wanted this so bad.”

Shepard chuckled and stuck his tongue out at James, wiggling each side, before resting his hands on his thighs and sitting back on his feet.

“All yours, Lieutenant,” Shepard opened his mouth, sticking his tongue out slightly, and closing his eyes against the spray of water running down James’ back.

“Oh fuck, that’s a sight,” James held the base of his dick, guiding it to Shepard’s mouth and thrusting in slightly.

Shepard moaned and brought up a hand to rest on James’ hip, encouraging him to thrust.

“You sure?”

Shepard’s tongue ran up each side of James’ cock in a slow flick, before teasing the head with one side at a time. James gasped, Shepard had been right, it did feel like two tongues. Unable to help himself, he pushed forward into Shepard’s mouth.

Shepard groaned and reached down for his own dick, already stiffening.

“Holy shit, you really like this?” James pulled out and pushed back into Shepard’s mouth gently, testing Shepard’s endurance.

Shepard nodded, jerking himself until he was fully hard, encouraging him to thrust with the hand still on his hip.

James reached one hand out to rest on the wall, the other moving down to rest on Shepard’s head, “ready?”

Shepard nodded again, and James’ started to move his hips, finding that Shepard could take almost all of him without choking.

“Oh, this is _good_, John,” James’ watched as Shepard jerked himself at the same speed James’ thrusts, all the moans falling from Shepard’s mouth feeling like vibrations across James’ cock.

James picked up his speed, hips stuttering whenever Shepard brought one or both sides of his tongue up to flick the sensitive underside of the head of his dick.

James was moaning at every thrust now, the need to cum overriding the hesitancy he had at the thought of fucking Shepard’s mouth like this. Each thrust a little harder, a little faster, until he was moving fast enough he could feel himself on edge.

“Close,” was all that James managed before Shepard’s biotics flared around them as he came, pushing past Shepard’s lips as far as he could go, spilling in Shepard’s mouth with a groan as he felt him swallow around him as he pulsed.

Shepard pulled off of James’ softening dick, and followed behind him with another few strokes, moaning into the soft skin of James’ stomach and he came.

Taking a second to catch his breath, Shepard stood, wincing as his knee cracked.

“I might be too old to do that on such a hard floor,” Shepard rinsed his body under the now cooling water before shutting it off.

“We’ll bring you a pillow to kneel on next time,” James took the towel that Shepard offered him, wrapping it around his waist.

“What did you think?”

“Best blowjob I’ve ever had,” James said firmly, “two tongues are better than one.”

Shepard laughed, “well, I’m glad you approve.”

James watched Shepard move to the coffee maker, setting it up to brew.

“Is this going to be what it’s always like?” James asked.

“What do you mean?”

“This easy?” James signalled between them, “wake up in the morning, get off, shower, coffee? We don’t fight or nothing?”

Shepard shrugged, “maybe? We’re still figuring this out. I’ve never been in a relationship long enough to say if this is what it’s meant to be like.”

“I hope it stays like this,” James took the coffee that Shepard offered him.

“Me too,” Shepard agreed.


	18. Jinxed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James thought, in hindsight, that he had likely jinxed himself. They had managed to have a comfortable breakfast and lunch together, watched the latest Blasto movie, and spend an hour chatting about their lives before the frantic message from Steve came through his Omni-tool.

_Shepard with you? – SC_

_Of course – JV_

_Get him down to the battery, now, there’s something wrong with Kaidan – SC_

James showed Shepard the message, which had him sprung into action just as fast as James had seen Shepard get ready for any mission.

“Care to enlighten me?” James pulled his shirt on as Shepard laced his boots.

“If I were to guess? Migraine.” Shepard made his way to the elevator.

“So? Everyone gets headaches.”

“Absolutely,” Shepard punched his Commander override, skipping all the floors headed straight for the battery, “but not everyone has a defunct biotic implant which overheats. A lot of people with the same implant as Kaidan either die from these “migraines” or they end up killing themselves from the pain,”

“Shit, why can’t they take it out?”

“The surgery is just as likely to kill him as the implant is.” Shepard glanced at James, “this might be rough. I need you to trust me and just follow what I say.”

“Sure thing, Loco.”

The door to the elevator opened, and James had a moment to appreciate how quickly Shepard could evaluate a room.

“I need you to clear the battery, I don’t care what you tell them, live ammo training, wild Krogan, whatever, just tell them they need to clear the room for a half an hour,” Shepard met with Steve as he came from the Kodiak.

“Commander,” Steve was frantic, “I don’t know what’s going on. He’s not talking, he can’t stand.”

“Migraine,” Shepard confirmed, “Where is he?”

“Other side of the shuttle.”

“We need to give James enough time to clear the battery, then we can get him upstairs,” Shepard nodded to James, “get to it. We’re going to run out of time.”

James nodded before taking off, finding the people in the battery and spinning a story about N7 training, ushering them to the elevator.

“Yeah, I get it, you’re busy, but if you don’t want the Commander and his special forces friends pissed I suggest you get out of here.” James pushed the back of the last person into the elevator, headed over to the Kodiak where Shepard had gone with Steve.

To say Kaidan looked terrible would be like saying the Illusive Man was only a little bit creepy. The normal golden tone to Kaidan’s skin had faded, leaving behind a pale and sweating face. His ordinarily perfect hair stuck to the side of his face from sweat, slightly curled on his forehead.

Shepard had a hand on Kaidan’s shoulder, helping to keep him on his feet.

“Is everyone gone?” Shepard’s voice was pitched low, even still, Kaidan winced.

James nodded, deciding that even his quietest voice would likely not help the situation.

“Okay, Kaidan, let’s go.” Shepard slowed wrapped Kaidan’s arm over his shoulder.

“They gotta go, Shep, I’m gonna hurt them,” Kaidan sounded drunk and protested the movement.

“No, you won't,” Shepard changed his tactic, placing one arm behind Kaidan’s shoulders, the other behind his knees and picking him up, bridal style.

“I will!” Kaidan was getting frantic, “I can tell. It’s going to be bad.”

“They’ll be fine Kaidan, but it’s going to be worse if we don’t start treating it.”

Kaidan protested as Shepard carried him to the elevator, signalling with his head for Steve to press the button.

“EDI – I can’t put in my code, just take us straight up,” Shepard walked into the elevator before gently placing Kaidan back on his feet, leaning him against the wall.

“You’ll keep him safe, right, John?” Kaidan’s eyes were closed, sweat freely dripping down the side of his face.

“I will.”

“Promise me?” Kaidan fisted the front of Shepard’s shirt, “promise me you won't let me hurt Steve.”

“I promise.” Shepard wiped the sweat from Kaidan’s brow, “we’ll get through this.”

Kaidan shook his head, “I’m going to lose it.”

“Then lose it,” Shepard had Kaidan bracketed between his hands, almost pinned against the wall. If James didn’t know better, the view couldn’t be mistaken as lovers after a particularly exciting afternoon.

“Steve…” Kaidan winced.

“I’m here,” Steve whispered, “right here.”

James wrapped his arm over Steve’s shoulder, giving him the same support Steve had offered him only hours earlier.

A brief flicker of blue rolled over Kaidan’s skin, and he let out a shout of pain.

“Kaidan, it’s fine, I’ll keep Steve safe.”

“I…can’t….” Kaidan’s jaw was set.

The explosion of blue that came from Kaidan took James by surprise, impulsively James blocked Steve with his larger frame from the incoming blast.

It never came.

Looking over his shoulder, he could see Shepard holding Kaidan. A hug which he had encompassed in a biotic barrier, containing Kaidan’s storm within.

“What the fuck?”

“EDI,” Steve looked over James’ shoulder at the scene, “get us upstairs faster.”

“Apologies,” EDI had turned her volume down, “Major Alenko’s biotics are affecting the elevator.”

The typical signal ding to indicate they had reached the top floor was absent. Instead, the doors sliding open in silence.

“Go,” Shepard nodded his head, “James, you’ll have to unlock the door, Steve, sit on the couch as I bring him in and we can help him.”

James rushed out, unlocking the door, with Steve closely behind him. Walking into his quarters, he immediately noticed that the glow from the fish tank was gone. The overhead lights had also been turned down, and the temperature of the room dropped considerably.

Shepard picked up Kaidan and carried him through the open door, maintain a bubble of a biotic field around them. Bringing Kaidan over to the bed, Shepard sat, pulling Kaidan into his lap.

“In the freezer, I need the ice pack with Kaidan’s name on it,” Shepard started to pull Kaidan’s shirt off, “I also need the med-pack in the bathroom with his name on it.”

Steve made his way to the freezer while James headed to the bathroom, retrieving the items that Shepard had requested.

Shepard nodded to the bedside cabinet with this head, “just put them there, then take a seat. We may be in this for the long run.”

James sat the medkit down and pulled Steve over to the couch once the ice pack was placed down.

“Ready?” Shepard reached out, his biotic field expanding, almost not visible through the storm of biotics contained within, and retrieved the med-pack.

“What’s the point?” Kaidan sounded frantic, “this is it, this one is gonna do it.”

“No, it won't,” Shepard opened the med-pack one-handed, the other keeping Kaidan upright, “you’ll feel better once the meds are on deck.”

“They take an hour, John,” Kaidan was almost sobbing, “you can’t hold this for an hour. I’ll hurt Steve.” Kaidan took a shuddering breath, “or I’ll cook up, and it’s game over.”

“I can manage, Kaidan,” Shepard pulled the cap off of the fine needle with his teeth, spitting it to the edge of the bed, before moving Kaidan’s sweat-soaked hair from the nape of his neck, “ready?”

Kaidan let out a sob in response, and Shepard carefully pushed the needle into the back of Kaidan’s neck, the plunger deploying automatically.

Pulling the needle out and placing it back one more on the bedside table, Shepard retrieved the ice pack and put it over Kaidan’s amp port.

“What can I do?” Steve was wringing his hands, “how do we stop it?”

“Time,” came Shepard’s low response, “just time.”

Kaidan was freely crying now, his head resting in the crook of Shepard’s neck. The biotic waves were crashing against Shepard’s barrier and rolling over his skin as Shepard soothed Kaidan by rubbing his back.

James sat back onto the couch, pulling Steve against him, with nothing left to do but wait, he settled in.

Within 15 minutes, Kaidan had stopped crying; however, had left his face against Shepard’s neck, with his biotics still rolling off of him in waves which crackled like static from a sweater. The blue waves left Kaidan’s body and went over Shepard, who had leaned against the wall and head his eyes closed. He wasn’t asleep, James knew because his bright blue biotic barrier maintained in place despite the constant attack on it.

“Did it hurt?” Kaidan’s voice came quietly from where his mouth was brushing against Shepard’s skin.

“Did what hurt?”

“Dying.”

James shifted, and he felt Steve tense next to him.

“No,” Shepard answered almost immediately, “well, dying hurt, but being dead didn’t.”

“Were you scared?” Kaidan sounded exhausted.

“Yes.”

“Did it take long?”

“No,” Shepard started to rub his hand over Kaidan’s back again, and James felt a tug of jealousy at the intimacy of the scene in front of him, “I had a hole in my O2 line, I suffocated before I made it to the planet surface.”

“What was it like? Being dead?”

Shepard considered this for a minute before answering, “peaceful.”

“Do you miss it? Do you wished they had just left you that way?”

“I used too,” Shepard glanced at James, “not so much now.”

“How do you know if you’re dying?” Kaidan’s breathing had slowed, and James wasn’t sure, but he thought that the biotics rolling off of him were maybe not as bright as they had been.

“Well, you stop asking questions, for one,” Shepard shifted Kaidan in his lap, wrapping his arms around his waist, “and everything get’s really quiet, and then, you’re gone.

“He’s never going to marry me.” Kaidan’s fevered thoughts changed track, thankfully Shepard could keep up.

“Why wouldn’t he?” Shepard was running his hand across Kaidan’s lower back.

“I’m broken,” Kaidan was emotional again, and Shepard brought a hand up to wipe the tears from his face where he could reach.

“You’re not broken, your tech is.”

“Who would marry this? Knowing I could hurt them?”

“You’re not hurting him, Steve is on the couch with James, he’s fine.”

“You’re keeping him safe?”

“I promised I would.”

“How much longer?”

Shepard checked his Omni-tool, “about 30 minutes.”

“Can you do it?” Kaidan was exhausted, James could see Kaidan resting more weight onto Shepard.

“Of course.”

***

It might have been beautiful, James mused, if it hadn’t been so tragic. Kaidan’s biotics were remarkable, vibrant, and reminded him of an electrical storm he had seen once when he was back on earth.

He would have liked it a lot more if they hadn’t been rolling all over Shepard’s body.

The 30 minutes had passed slowly, Kaidan alternating between sleeping, sobbing, and speaking quietly with Shepard. Steve had shed a few tears too, the shoulder of James’ shirt damp.

Slowly, James noticed Kaidan’s biotics flickering. Like a screen on its way out, there were random moments where they stopped, brief moments of the quarters being cast into darkness before they would start again. Eventually, it was more darkness than blue before they stopped altogether.

Shepard waited 10 minutes past the last roll of biotics before asking Kaidan, “you good?”

With a small nod Kaidan sat up, and Shepard dropped the barrier.

“Stay here,” Shepard pushed Kaidan back onto James’ side of the bed, “I’ll get the couch ready.”

“I can go,” Kaidan protested, “the worst is over.”

“You’re here, or you’re in the med bay. You’re not arguing with me on this, that was a bad one, Kaidan.”

It was a testament to how bad Kaidan felt when he just nodded.

Shepard stood, stretching before he walked over to the coffee table, and turned to James, “help me move this?”

James stood, grabbing one side and moving it to the corner of the room.

Shepard signalled for Steve to stand, and with a press of a few buttons the couch expanded to a respectable bed. Grabbing some blankets and pillows, Shepard made up the bed before walking back to Kaidan.

“Staying here?”

“Yeah,” Kaidan let Shepard pull him to sitting, keeping his eyes closed, “did Steve stay?”

“Of course,” Steve walked over to Kaidan, kneeling in front of him, “I wouldn’t leave you.”

Kaidan smiled slightly, eyes stilled closed, “Sorry if I scared you.”

“It’s okay,” Steve locked their fingers together and helped Kaidan stand, Shepard, walking closely behind them, ready to act if Kaidan fell, “sometimes scary things happen.”

Steve helped Kaidan onto the pullout bed, “want covers?”

Kaidan shook his head, gesturing towards Shepard.

“He’s overheated,” Shepard explained, walking over to the freezer, putting in the old icepack and retrieving a new one, “keep this on the back of his neck, and he’ll cool down. Once he starts to shiver you know that he’s past the migraine.”

Steve took the icepack, gratefully, “thank you, John.”

Shepard just shrugged, “it’s not usually that bad, but you can always call me when it is. I’m going to have a shower.”

James could see a fine layer of sweat over Shepard’s face, he looked exhausted.

“Need some help?” James offered.

“No, but I could use the company,” Shepard turned toward the bathroom, James’ following after him.

***

Shepard sat on the bathroom counter as the water heated up, leaning back with his head on the mirror.

“Are you okay?” James pulled off his shirt and tossed it in the corner, equally relieved to have Shepard away from Kaidan and to have Kaidan on the mend.

“Exhausted,” Shepard sighed, “there are no words to describe how hard it is to keep a barrier up like that.”

“Bet it felt good,” James’ voice sounded hurt, though he didn’t mean it too.

“Good?” Shepard glanced at James at the remark, noticing the steam coming from the shower jumping down from the counter and getting undressed.

“Yeah,” James pulled off his pants and underwear, stepping into the water, “the way the biotics were rolling over you?”

“Ahh,” Shepard followed James into the shower, “that explains why you were scowling at me.”

“I wasn’t scowling,” James objected, “I understand that you needed to help out a friend.”

“Did you really think I just sat in a biotic field for an hour and that it felt good?” Shepard rinsed his face, “what did you think I was just chilling in an orgasmic haze?”

“Weren’t you? I know what biotics feel like.” James frowned.

“You know what my biotics feel like when I want you to feel good,” Shepard pointed out, “with your armour on, I suppose you wouldn’t know what most biotic fields feel like. Let me tell you, it’s not good.”

James paused at that, “so what did that feel like then?”

Shepard rested a hand on James’ chest, sending a roll of biotic energy across his pecs.

It hurt. A feeling of too-strong static shocks, an itch deep inside the skin that couldn’t be scratched, and a deep burning sensation.

“Fuck,” James took a step back, stopping the contact, “why is it so different?”

“Because when I do it for you, I’m controlling it. I’m trying to make it feel good. When Kaidan has a migraine, it’s just raw biotic energy. That’s why he was so scared of hurting Steve. It feels awful.” Shepard turned off the water and grabbed a towel.

“Oh,” James felt like an idiot.

Shepard chuckled quietly, “were you jealous?”

“Yeah,” James took the offered towel.

Shepard smiled, “I promise to not go have sexy biotic time with anyone else.”

“I don’t want you to have any kind of sex with anyone else.”

“Are you going to sleep with other people? Women?”

“Fuck no,” James shook his head.

“Well, then, it’s decided.” Shepard grabbed James by the towel around his waist and kissed him gently, “you don’t wear green well.”

“Sorry,” James wrapped his arms around Shepard, “I didn’t think I would be this jealous.”

“It’s okay, it’s kind of sweet,” Shepard let out a yawn, “I’m going to need a nap.”

“Let’s get you tucked in, Loco,” James pulled Shepard back into the bedroom, finding Steve and Kaidan asleep.

“Yes, please,” Shepard dropped the towel and slipped into bed, watching as James followed suit.

“Love you,” James settled onto his back and closed his eyes, startling slightly as Shepard rested his head on his chest, a reversal of their usual positions.

“I love you, too,” Shepard managed before the drifted off to sleep.


	19. Shore Leave pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James woke up to Shepard trying to quietly get dressed, unsuccessfully, as he had stubbed his toe on the coffee table they had moved earlier. Shepard may be special forces, but coffee tables had been taking people down for years, James mused.

Glancing over to Kaidan and Steve he could see the pair was still asleep, Kaidan wrapped around Steve looking much better, the colour back in his cheeks.

“Where are you going?” James whispered to Shepard.

“We’ve docked at the Citadel,” Shepard whispered back, gesturing to a datapad on the dresser, “I have to do the docking checks.”

“Need help?”

Shepard considered for a moment, “it would get things done faster. Kaidan usually helps, but he’s down for at least another few hours.”

James stood up and got dressed while Shepard set the coffee machine to brew in an hour time and left a message for Steve in case they woke up.

“Ready when you are,” James grabbed the datapad, and with a nod, they were off.

***

James had drastically underestimated the amount of work which went into docking at the Citadel. Shepard had made sure to explain each step in detail, from the shipping, manifests to the order terminals, the customs checks, and organizing group communications for when the Normandy was ready to leave. The extensive retrofits were causing some additional delay, Shepard had explained because they always had to be so careful about EDI.

“Thanks,” with one last approval from the Citadel administrator, Shepard tucked the datapad under his arm and turned to James, “just need to let the crew know that they’re free to leave, and we have two weeks vacation. Well, you do, I have about a million appointments.”

“Better make time for me,” James nudged Shepard with an elbow, “we’re living together, remember?”

“Like I could forget,” Shepard walked back through the airlock of the Normandy, “all my clothes are going missing.”

James looked down at the N7 t-shirt he was wearing and smiled, “they fit.”

“I’ll buy you some of your own.”

“I like them when they’re yours.”

“Okay, I’ll buy some more for me then,” Shepard stuck his tongue out at James as he walked from the airlock and into a group of the crew standing by the door, “Oh look, James, we seem to have a welcome party.”

“Yeah, yeah, very funny Shepard,” Garrus drawled, an arm over Tali, “can we get off this tin-can yet?”

Shepard nodded, “free to go, everyone, keep an eye on the Normandy chat, I’ll send out updates throughout the week and give you a better idea of when we’re going to be departing.”

With a salute, James watched as most of the crew left the ship, leaving behind Joker and EDI in the cockpit.

“You guys not going?” Shepard leaned against the door frame.

“Hard to relax when these guys have their hands all over my baby,” Joker grumbled, “and the only hotel rooms which factor in my Vroliks cost like 400 credits a night.”

“Which one were you looking at?” Shepard pulled up his Omni-tool.

“Shep, don’t worry about it.”

“It was in the Presidium,” EDI chimed in, “I had mentioned I would like to see the view.”

Shepard walked over to EDI and scrolled through the rooms until she pointed at the one she and Joker had been looking at. With a few presses of a button, Joker’s Omni-tool lit up.

“Damnit, Shepard, I can’t pay you back for that unless I work until,” Joker closed his eyes like he was doing hard math, “I die.”

“It’s just money,” Shepard shrugged, “you deserve it for how many times you have pulled the Normandy out of the fire.”

“It’s a lot of money.”

“My personal banker is the Shadow Broker,” Shepard pointed out, “I’m fine. I don’t want to be paid back, what I want is for my pilot to spend some time with his lady-love enjoying the view in a room he can actually use.”

Joker shifted in his chair before responding with a quiet “thanks.”

“No problem,” Shepard patted Joker on the shoulder, “don’t be strangers.”

“No way,” Joker let EDI help him to stand, “you have the hot tub. Party at your place?”

“You plan it, and you can throw it,” Shepard agreed.

“Deal.”

“Have a good shore leave,” Shepard waved and headed back to the elevator, James close behind.

“That was a lot of money, Loco,” James pointed out.

Shepard nodded, “I grew up without money, now that I have some, I like to spend it on my friends when I can. I have more than I’ll need anyway.”

“Make it sound like you’re a millionaire,” James noticed that Shepard didn’t respond, “wait, are you?”

Shepard shrugged, “I own a lot of property, take out a lot of investments that Liara suggests. If I’m not, I’m not far off.”

“Holy shit.”

Shepard smiled at that, “only with me for my money, James?”

“Fuck no, up until now I didn’t know you had any.”

“Most people don’t,” Shepard got into the elevator and pressed the button for their floor, “but Liara knew Cerberus was bringing me back, and she got access to the accounts I had left. By the time I came back, I had a lot more than I had when I died.”

“I should see if she can help me out.”

“I’m sure she would, she’s nice like that.” Shepard walked off the elevator and turned to James, “they’re waking up, don’t talk too loud until we know if Kaidan is okay.”

James nodded, and Shepard opened the door.

“Shepard, hey,” Kaidan called from the bed. His voice was hoarse, but he looked much better, “Steve was telling me that one was pretty bad.”

Shepard nodded, grabbing the coffee pot and pouring four cups, “I’d have to say it was up there as one of the worst.”

“Sure felt like it,” Kaidan took the offered cup gratefully, “Steve said you got me through it.”

“Thank god he did, too,” Steve took a cup from Shepard, “I had no idea what to do.”

“I’ll walk you through it, next time,” Shepard sat on the bed, James dropping him down next to him, “he doesn’t always have his biotics go crazy like that. Usually, he just throws up.”

“I heard you held them back for an hour?” Kaidan asked.

Shepard nodded, “something like that.”

“An hour and 10 minutes,” James corrected, “I was timing it just in case we needed the Doc to come up.”

Kaidan let out a low whistle, “you must be starving.”

Shepard shrugged, “I had to do the docking protocols, I’ll grab some lunch on the Citadel.”

“Ah shit, you should have woken me up, I would have helped.”

“You needed the sleep,” Shepard drained his cup and went for another, “James helped.”

“Thanks for giving me the morning off, Vega,” Kaidan brushed his still messy hair from his eyes, “I guess I needed the recovery.”

“No problem, Major. You and Esteban were both pretty out when we started.”

“The migraines knock it right out of me,” Kaidan agreed, “I, uh, hope I didn’t do anything too weird. The pain tends to make me hyper-emotional.”

Steve winced, “you asked Shepard what it was like to die.”

Kaidan blanched, “I didn’t.”

“You did,” Shepard came back carrying the pot of coffee, setting it down on the coffee table.

“Fuck, John, I’m sorry.”

Shepard just smiled, “you’re fine, you aren’t the first one to ask me.”

“Still, I know that’s a sensitive topic. You know I wouldn’t put you on the spot like that.”

Shepard waved Kaidan off, “it’s fine.”

“Did I say anything else stupid that I should know about?”

Shepard, James and Steve shared a look before answering together “no.”

“Uh,” Kaidan looked between them, “you sure?”

Another unanimous “yes.”

“Okay…” Kaidan stood slowly, “so talking about embarrassing, who undressed me?”

“You’re hardly undressed, you’re just missing a shirt.” Steve pointed out, “and it was Shepard.”

“You can borrow one of mine,” Shepard pointed to the dresser, “you were sweating through yours.”

“Yeah, it feels like it,” Kaidan winced, “I need a shower.”

“Feel free to use ours.” James added, “it has better water pressure.”

“And views,” Shepard added before taking a long sip of coffee as James choked on his.

“See Kaidan,” Steve smiled sweetly at him, “you’re not the only one having fun in the shower.”

“I hate you all.”

***

Shepard and James finally got off the Normandy around lunch, Steve and Kaidan following closely behind them.

“Lunch at Apollos?” Shepard looked at his Omni-tool, pulling up the reservations.

“Your treat?” Kaidan winked at Shepard.

“Of course,” Shepard agreed, booking the table, “we have a half an hour to get there, gives us a chance to walk a bit.”

James fell into stride with Shepard, ensuring to walk close enough, their shoulders brushed every few steps. He looked back at Steve and Kaidan, who were holding hands as they walked behind them. James looked down at Shepard’s hand, inches from his own, and wondered if he should take it.

Everyone on the ship knew about them, he was sure of that, but would Shepard want the world to know about them? The Citadel was hardly quiet, and he knew that the news would travel quickly.

“Okay there, James?” Shepard had noticed James lost in thought.

“Commander Shepard?” a woman’s voice came from just in front of them, James found that it came from a reporter, the same reporter that Shepard had told off multiple times before.

“Khalisah al-Jilani,” she introduced herself as she stood in front of them, “you may remember me.”

“Sure do,” Shepard crossed his arms, in Shepard’s universal sign for _would you please fuck off_, “what can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if you could answer why the Normandy is here, reportedly for two weeks, instead of on the front lines as it was designed?”

Shepard sighed, “the Normandy is currently dry-docked to obtain some key retrofits which were delayed when the Reapers attacked. I can assure you, the crew is not here for vacation.”

“As if you could pay us to take a vacation,” James chuckled, “you had to bribe the pilot to get off the ship.”

Shepard smiled at James, and Khalisah dialled in.

“And who is this?”

“Lieutenant James Vega,” James eyed her carefully.

“And you are who to Commander Shepard?”

James waited for a heartbeat for Shepard to step in, and when he didn’t, he took a breath before responding himself, “his boyfriend.”

“I see,” Khalisah turned to Shepard, “do you make a habit of romancing your crew, Commander?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard had a shit-eating grin on his face, “I’ve slept with all of them. Why do you think they stay on the Normandy through all the death-defying missions? I have to entice them somehow.”

Khalisah looked at her camera, “I see…”

“Let me tell you,” Shepard continued, and James fought to stop himself from laughing, “Turian’s are _very_ flexible. You wouldn’t think it, with the plates and everything, but I have seen one bend in ways you can’t even imagine. Don’t get me started on the quads on the Krogans, I could keep you here all day-“

“Thank you,” Khalisah interrupted, “for your time, Commander. I hope the retrofits go well.”

“Thank you,” Shepard leaned in close to Khalisah, “if you run a smear campaign on James or my relationship with James, they will find pieces of you scattered across the Citadel. Are we clear?”

“Are you threatening me, Commander?” Khalisah tried and failed, to sound brave.

“Absolutely,” Shepard was glaring at her now, and James felt his blood heat that the possessiveness.

“You’re a Spectre!”

“Your choice, Khalisah,” Shepard stood up straight, offering his hand to James who took it without question, “but you know what I’m capable of, I would think about it carefully.”

Shepard led James away, continuing towards Apollo’s, “sorry about that, she’s a vulture.”

“No problem, Loco,” James squeezed Shepard’s hand, “I’m not scared of her.”

“No, but she’s scared of Shepard,” Kaidan pointed out, gesturing to where the reporter was frantically making adjustments to her Omni-tool.

“She should be,” Shepard nodded at the host as he approached the group, “I wasn’t lying.”

James took a seat next to Shepard, “you’d kill for me, Loco?”

“Absolutely.”

James laughed, “you can take the man out of New York, but you can’t take New York out of the man.”

Shepard smiled, “damn straight.”

“Nothing straight about this, Loco.” James laughed as he ducked Shepard’s swat, settling in for a good lunch with his friends, and his love.


	20. Shore Leave pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we all celebrate that Alilypea is back, which means that we're back to our normal schedule?
> 
> Also, I don't speak Italian, I speak google-translate, apologies for any mistakes.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James reclined back on the couch in Shepard’s apartment and let out a happy sigh.

“Alright there, James?” Shepard called from the kitchen where he was getting beers for the four of them, Kaidan and Steve now in for the night. Shepard’s augmented hearing still unsettled James, and he vowed to never mutter anything under his breath that he didn’t want Shepard to hear.

“I’m fine, Loco, just relaxing after an amazing day.”

“Amazing?” Shepard walked into the room, beers in his hands which he passed to Kaidan, Steve, and James before sitting down an opening his own. “I took you to breakfast, threatened a reporter, and took you to the N7 store. If that’s amazing, you’re pretty easy.”

“You already know I’m easy, Loco.”

Shepard just smiled, draping an arm over James’ shoulders before calling to Glyph, “can you turn the game on?”

“Certainly, Commander,” the little robot flew into the room, and moments later, the large screen turned on, “your pizza delivery will be here in 10 minutes.”

“Pizza?” James inquired.

“Your favourite isn’t it?” Shepard shrugged.

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t know you knew that.”

“As long as there isn’t fruit on it,” Shepard took another sip of beer, “I believe I heard you tell Garrus once that pizza was like a blowjob, even if it’s bad, it’s still kinda good, even better if you get both in the same night.”

James flushed, damn Shepard’s hearing, “I may have said that.”

“Well, there you go,” Shepard didn’t seem flustered in the slightest, “I ordered you pizza.”

James decided to see if he could get a rise out of Shepard “and the blowjob?”

“Later,” Shepard didn’t bat an eye, “after pizza.”

Steve laughed from the couch beside Kaidan, “biotics will absolutely turn down sex for food. Their metabolism is so high they’re constantly hungry.”

“I’ve never turned down sex for food,” Kaidan disagreed.

“You ate sushi off of my stomach once.”

“You set that up,” Kaidan pointed out.

“You’re only meant to eat a few bites, K, not the entire platter.” Steve elbowed Kaidan, “and the garnishes, for that matter.”

“You never told me that!”

Steve grinned, “it’s fine, I can’t have you starving to death.”

Shepard smiled at James, rolling his eyes at the couple beside them, “how much do you want to bet that happened in this apartment.”

“Sure as shit wasn’t in the crew quarters,” James agreed.

“Think I should tell them about the security cameras?”

Kaidan choked on a mouthful of beer before turning to Shepard with a strained, “_what?!”_

***

After the living room was cleared of pizza boxes and empty beer bottles, James found Shepard in the kitchen where he was finishing up the last of the dishes. Leaning against the counter, James watched as Shepard dried his hands on a small towel and turned to him.

“Clubbing tonight?”

“Nope,” James yawned, “don’t got it in me.”

“Bedtime?” Shepard held out a hand and James took it nodding.

James let Shepard lead him from the kitchen to the stairs, waving at Kaidan and Steve as they walked by.

“Enjoy the blowjob, Lieutenant,” Kaidan called out as Shepard closed the bedroom door.

James watched Shepard as he pulled off his shirt, walking across the room to drop it in the hamper. The low lights of the bedroom showing all the cybernetic implants clearly lit up through his skin. James wondered what he was meant to be doing. He had lived with Shepard on Earth previously, but they had separate quarters. A week of cohabitation as a couple didn’t really give him enough to work with to know what was expected tonight.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Shepard’s jeans came off next, joining the shirt in the hamper, leaving him in a pair of fitted black boxer briefs.

And yeah, it may not be what James was used too, but it sure did it for him.

“James?” Shepard asked again, and James realized he hadn’t answered the question.

“Oh, uh, just not sure what I’m supposed to be doing,” James shrugged, “feels like I’m invading your space.”

“Do you want to be here?”

“Of course,” James answered immediately.

“Then you belong here,” Shepard shrugged, “it’s your home too, James. Do whatever you want.”

Shepard walked from the bedroom into the nearby bathroom, closing the door behind him. It wasn’t lost on James that Shepard had grown up with no home, and now that he had one, he was freely offering what he had to James.

He loved that man.

James looked around the too-large bedroom, and his eyes fell on the bag from the N7 store. Walking over to it, James brought it over to where Shepard kept his clothes and started putting it away. He was almost done when his hand landed on a shirt that seemed different from the others.

The shirt had the standard N7 logo on the front, with the addition of the words _N7 RECRUIT_ across the chest. Turning the shirt over, the word _VEGA_ spanned across the shoulders. It was on the second review of the garment that James noticed, in smaller writing on the left shoulder, the words _TEAM NORMANDY_.

“Oh, you found it,” Shepard was standing in the door frame of the closet, “I was wondering how long I would take you.”

“You had this made for me?” James swallowed hard; he was _not_ going to get emotional about a shirt.

“Who else?” Shepard smiled, “I actually had it made before this,” he waved between them, “happened. As soon as you told me that you were going for the program, I had it ordered the next day.”

“That’s amazing, Loco,” James folded the shirt and placed it alongside Shepard’s.

“Is it okay?”

“More than,” James walked over to Shepard, wrapping his arms around his waist, “I just can’t tell you how long I wanted to be a part of your team before I even met you. To have something that says I’m “team Normandy,” kinda blows my mind.”

“I’ve been proud to have you on the team since you joined,” Shepard pressed a kiss to James’ temple, “now go get ready for bed.”

James made his way to the bathroom and ignored the way his heart skipped when he saw Shepard had hung up an extra towel for him and placed his toothbrush alongside his own. Fighting back another yawn, James got ready for bed.

***

When James came from the bathroom, he found Shepard standing next to the bed, holding a glass of water.

“What’s up, Loco?”

“Wasn’t sure which side you preferred,” Shepard pointed to the bed, which unlike the bed in the Normandy, was large enough for James to have a “side.”

James shrugged, “I’m going to end up sleeping on you anyway.”

Shepard smiled at that, placing the glass on the left bedside table and pulling back the covers, slipping into bed.

James stripped, leaving his clothes on the floor and crawling into bed nude next to Shepard, head on his chest, just like the Normandy.

“Thanks for a great day, Loco,” James closed his eyes, listening to the beat-whirr of Shepard’s heart.

“If you liked today, you’ll love tomorrow,” Shepard kissed the top of James’ head, “I have a date planned.”

“Oh yeah?” James yawned, “where?”

“Top secret,” Shepard responded, running his hands over James’ back.

“Not going to tell me anything?”

“It’s something you’ve never done before,” Shepard continued before James interrupted, “and I don’t mean sex with a man.”

“How do you know I’ve never done it?”

“It wouldn’t be possible,” Shepard gave him a squeeze, “go to sleep.”

“Not going to jump me tonight?” James already felt the tug of sleep pulling him.

“No, I think I prefer you awake,” Shepard sounded equally tired.

“Love you.”

“I love you more.”

***

James woke up slowly, feeling contented and warm with Shepard’s chest still under his head.

“Good morning,” Shepard’s voice was still thick with sleep.

“Mornin’,” James rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes, “what time is it?”

“0900,” Shepard answered, stretching his back from being in the same position all night.

“Shit, I can’t think of the last time I slept that long,” James sat up, looking at Shepard who seemed to be in no rush to get out of bed.

“Me either,” Shepard reached out, running a hand over James’ back, “but we need to get up if we’re going to get my plans started.”

“Plans? As in multiple?”

“I have most of the day planned, unless you’re busy?”

“Never too busy for you, Loco,” James watched as Shepard pulled off his boxers, tossing them in the hamper, “though I can think of some fun stuff we can do to kill 20 minutes.”

Shepard arched an eyebrow, which would have possibly been construed as Shepard chastising him, were it not for the fact that James noticed Shepard’s dick give an interested twitch.

“You can’t manage one night without getting off?”

“I mean, I can,” James shrugged, “doesn’t mean that I want to.”

Shepard let out a low laugh, grabbing a new pair of underwear from the drawer and pulling them on, “we have plenty of time tonight, but we’re booked into the first thing I have planned at 10, so I need you dressed.”

James gave an exaggerated sigh before getting dressed, “If you insist.”

“We could skip the super fun day if you prefer. Stay in bed all day, and I can show you all the kinky things I know.” Shepard pulled on a shirt, one of the new N7 shirts they had bought yesterday, before grabbing a pair of black jeans.

“Wait, is that actually an option?”

“Sure,” Shepard shrugged, “but we could also do that tomorrow and not skip the fun stuff today.”

James considered for a moment, “if we can spend tomorrow in bed, then I want to do the date today.”

Shepard smiled, “well hopefully you enjoy it; it’s the first date I’ve planned in years.”

“I’m sure it’ll be great,” James pulled on a shirt and pants, “breakfast first, you biotics get testy when you’re hungry.”

***

James felt antsy as the elevator arrived at the presidium. He had been there before, once, but it really wasn’t his scene dealing with the “best of the best” that the galactic community had to offer. The ones that decided to ignore the war rather than deal with it. The ones that sent soldiers to die.

“Where are we going, Loco? Please don’t say to see the council.”

Shepard snorted at that, “fuck no, I hate those assholes.”

James followed Shepard down the long hallway and stopped as Shepard paused in front of a door.

“Here we are.”

“And where is this?” James looked at the sign above the door, “Spectre stuff?”

“Spectre offices,” Shepard confirmed, pressing the button for the door and pausing for the scanner.

“Human. Shepard. Spectre Status recognized.”

“What are we doing here?” James followed Shepard down the slightly smaller hallway, looking at the various monitors along the walls.

“Shooting,” Shepard stopped in front of a cabinet which had his name on it. Another biometric scan and the door opened revealing two gun cases and a selection of mods.

“Shooting what?”

Shepard winked at that, grabbing the cases and bringing them over to the nearby weapons bench. Dropping one in front of James, he nodded his head toward it, “you’re going to be shooting that.”

James paused for a minute before flipping the latch on the case, “holy _fuck_.”

Inside, the M-11 Wraith sat against a bed of foam. From what James could tell, this gun was brand new, with none of the typical smell which came from a weapon which had cycled a few thousand heat-sinks.

“Wow, Loco,” James picked it up, verifying it was unloaded before cycling the action, “this is a thing of beauty.”

Shepard opened his own case, the M-77 Paladin within, “they certainly offer the best to Spectres.”

“No kidding,” James turned the gun over in his hands, “do you have any idea what I would do to mod one of these babies?”

“Go for it,” Shepard pointed to his locker, “all of the mods available for it should be in the locker.”

“Really?”

“Sure,” Shepard pulled out a sight for the pistol and started fitting it.

“Sweet!”

***

James was thrilled, the shotgun handled just like he thought it would, and with the ultralight materials on it, he had put through 200 heatsinks without breaking a sweat while Shepard sighted in the pistol.

“Fuck, Loco, I could do some damage with one of these,” James took the gun back to the weapons bench and set it into the case, “with those ultralights on it? I wouldn’t even get tired from saving your ass as you hacked all those terminals.”

“Certainly seems that way,” Shepard set the pistol into the case, “so you like it?”

“Damn straight,” James took another look at the gun before closing it inside its case, “an amazing piece of weaponry.”

“Well, I’m glad, 'cause it’s yours.”

“What?” James looked at Shepard, “don’t joke, man, I know those go for like 250,000 credits.”

“Don’t I know it,” Shepard passed him the gun case, “between the two I’m out almost 500,000 credits.”

“John, I can’t take this.”

“Sure you can,” Shepard made his way for the door, “but we need to leave them at the house before we go for lunch.”

“John, stop.” James grabbed Shepard’s arm, “this isn’t a fucking phone call or pizza; this is a gun which costs as much as some people's houses.”

“And?”

“And!?” James rubbed a hand over his face, “you can’t just give me this.”

“Sure I can, I just did,” Shepard turned to face James, “look, I get it, it’s a lot of money. This is also my way of making sure that you get through the war safe. If this gun can mean that when you’re bogged down with husks that you don’t have to worry or stress about getting out of it, I’ll pay it. I would pay four times that if it meant I can keep you safe while we’re out there. We’re great as a team, yes, but at some point, we’re going to have to be separated on the field. Who takes care of you then?”

“I take care of myself.”

“Yep, that’s right, with the best kit that’s available.” Shepard sighed, “it’s important that I know you’re safe, and that I did everything I could to make you safe.”

James paused, looking at the case in his hands, “how am I meant to pay you back for this?”

“You aren’t,” Shepard shrugged, “if we’re in this for the long run, James, and I mean us, not the war. If we’re going to actually do this, and it works out, at some point all of my money will be yours anyway.”

James had thought about it, during quiet moments in the shower or on shift, a small house on Earth for just him and Shepard. The house had always been small in those thoughts, with just enough room for the two of them and a dog. The money hadn’t mattered then when he didn’t know about it. If Shepard spent all of it now on keeping him safe, because it was important to him, was it really the worst thing?

James nodded slowly, “but I’m buying lunch.”

Shepard smiled, “deal.”

“And I get to drive your car.”

“Put the gun back.”

***

Lunch had been burgers at Apollo’s, which Shepard had noted, were not as good as the ones that James had made for him.

“It’s an art,” James shrugged, “perfected over the years.”

“I don’t know what it is,” Shepard finished his beer, “but yours are better.”

“Well you proposed over them, so I figured as much.”

“And yet you never answered my proposal, and so I wait with bated breath,” Shepard joked, not giving James time to answer, “now it’s time for the second stop of the day, let’s roll.”

“What now?”

“We’re going to get you some suits made.”

“Uh, why?”

“Because,” Shepard called for a taxi, “I have dinner reservations at that fancy restaurant Bailey told us about.”

“The one that has a six-month waiting list?”

“Yep,” Shepard got into the taxi and slid over for James to fit, “that’s the one.”

“How’d you get reservations?”

“I’m Commander Shepard,” Shepard pointed out, like it was common sense, “I just asked.”

“So, I need a suit?”

“Yep.”

James paused, “can they even make a suit in five hours?”

“I had them make up a suit for me, and considering you steal most of my clothes, it should just be some small alterations.” Shepard paid the taxi fare as they arrived outside a run-down looking shop.

“And this is where you get suits?” James looked at the store, “are they even open?”

“They’re the best,” Shepard confirmed, “but I should let you know that the owner is a bit over the top, and totally in love with me.”

“Wonderful.”

Shepard just winked as he knocked.

“Who is it?” a voice sounded from the other side of the door.

“John,” Shepard replied, “did you forget our appointment, Anthony?”

The door flung open to reveal a middle-aged human male, slender with bright blue hair which fell to his waist. Tattoos covered most of his arms which stuck out of a brightly coloured robe. James wasn’t sure where Shepard had met Anthony, but he looked like something out of a comic book.

“Of course not,” Anthony pulled Shepard into a hug, “my baby, my favourite customer, the love of my life, how could I ever forget you?”

“I was wondering,” Shepard returned the hug, clearly comfortable with the man, “I need to introduce you to James.”

“James?” Anthony pulled back and turned to look at James with a critical eye, “oh yes, your new _Amato_. The one who has stolen you from me.”

“_La mia anima gemella,”_ Shepard responded, causing Anthony to look at him surprised.

“_È vero?_”

Shepard just nodded, smiling at James, who looked confused.

“I speak Spanish, not Italian…”

“It doesn’t matter, sweets,” Anthony took James by the shoulders, “let me look at you.”

James just stood still as Anthony walked around him, “what are you looking for?”

“Your shape,” Anthony stopped in front of James, and for the first time, James noted that he was wearing makeup. Elaborate blue eyeliner which matched his hair, “you like them strong, John?”

“They kind of have to be, to keep up with me,” Shepard walked through the still open shop door, “did you get my suit done?”

“Of course I did, I wouldn’t let you down,” Anthony gestured to a suit bag behind the counter, “and I have the mockup ready for your _Amato_.”

“And you can get it done for tonight?” Shepard sat in a small chair that he found buried under bolts of fabric.

“Of course I can,” Anthony sorted through a collection of suit bags before pulling one from the collection, “go try this on, sweets.” Anthony gestured toward a small change room off to the side.

“Uh, sure,” James grabbed the bag and folded himself into the small room, pulling out the unfinished suit and sliding it on.

Shepard had picked a black suit, the fabric slightly pattered with a metallic thread, and a burgundy shirt. The colour combination was nice; James decided looking in the small mirror. The warmth of the shirt brought out the gold in his eyes and the tan in his skin.

Opening the door, James carefully extracted himself from the small room and allowed himself to be ushered onto a small podium in the middle of the room. The only clear space in the entire shop which didn’t have fabric, tape measures, or sewing machines on it.

“Oh, that _was _a lovely colour choice, John,” Anthony gave James a noticeable once over, “shame he isn’t as tall as you, but there really are only minor adjustments to do.”

“It needs adjusting?” James looked in the three-way mirror, he couldn’t see any problems with the suit.

“Of course it does,” Anthony grabbed a tape measure, a real cloth tape measure, and walked over to James, “but not much, now, which way do you dress, left or right?”

“Uh…”

“Left,” Shepard responded from the chair, looking far too amused and now drinking an expresso.

“I don’t know what that means, but whatever John said is probably right.”

“Oh, he’s adorable, John,” Anthony dropped to his knees in front of James, “let’s start with the inseam, shall we?”


	21. Shore Leave Pt 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All hail Alilypea for cranking out two of my chapters in one night!
> 
> Also, I had someone ask what my Shepard looks like. 
> 
> Oh I am SO glad you asked - In my head? https://www.instagram.com/nickdompierre/?hl=en 
> 
> You're welcome.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Ready for 6 pm?” Shepard settled the tab at the suit shop.

“I’ll have them delivered to your apartment,” Anthony confirmed.

“With the measurements, can you do up some dress blues for James too?”

“Why do I need dress blues? I have dress blues.” James also had four different ties over his arm, as well as a pair of dress socks (_who knew there were specific dress socks?)_ and a box holding dress shoes which Anthony had pulled out from a back room.

“You have standard dress blues,” Shepard responded, “which is fine, but when you graduate N7, you’re going to find you have to wear them a lot more often, and it would be nice for you to have some which have been made to your measurements.”

“I guess,” James shrugged, “what’s wrong with the standard ones?”

“That’s the difference between Kaidan in dress blues and me in dress blues.”

James thought back to when Kaidan received his Spectre status. He had looked good in them, sure, but the Major was an attractive man anyway. Shepard in dress blues, the thought made his knees weak.

“Fair enough.”

“Knew you would see it my way,” Shepard winked at James, “do you need anything else?”

“Not unless Anthony makes bulletproof armour.”

“Outside of my scope, I’m afraid,” Anthony passed James a bag for his purchases, “but next time you need a suit, you just let me know.”

“Sure thing,” James placed his items into the bag.

“You will, of course, use me for the wedding?”

James paused at that, looking to Shepard, who didn’t seem remotely phased.

“I don’t know, I think James was planning on wearing a dress.”

“Well he certainly has the legs for it,” Anthony walked them to the door of the shop, “but if you don’t use me, I will make sure that every pair of pants you ever order from me is just a bit too tight.”

“Of course we’ll use you,” Shepard pulled Anthony into a hug, “you’ll just have to wait for the war to be over.”

“Nasty business, that,” Anthony agreed, “but if anyone can do it, you can.” Anthony turned to James and held his arms out, “do you hug?”

James shrugged, passing his bag to Shepard before pulling the blue-haired man into a hug, “thanks for everything today.”

“You’re so welcome,” Anthony pulled back, “even if you’re a horrible person who stole the love of my life from me, you’re still okay, I guess.”

James chuckled, “well, if it makes you feel better, he costs a fortune to feed.”

“At least he doesn’t snore,” Anthony waved from the door, “and he has a fantastic ass.”

“Look at the time,” Shepard pulled up his Omni-tool, flushing slightly, and called a taxi, “we have to go.”

“Bye, my love, goodbye Mr. Vega.”

“Bye, Anthony, stay safe,” Shepard opened the taxi door as it arrived and gestured for James to get in, “see you soon.”

***

The rest of the day was spent shopping and exploring the Citadel; Shepard showing James all of his favourite places for food, gun mods, coffee, and the arcade. James couldn’t honestly remember the last time he had done so much in one day, never mind a date that lasted that long.

Feeling contented, James was grateful when they pulled up to the apartment with a few hours before their dinner reservations.

“I need a nap,” James yawned, “or I won't make it through dinner.”

“You’re welcome to have one,” Shepard held the door open for him, his hands mostly full of various shopping bags.

“How long do I have?”

“Oh, about another two hours or so,” Shepard followed James up the stairs and laughed as James dropped his shopping bags and jumped face-first onto the bed with a groan.

Grabbing the bags, Shepard started putting the various items away. Life on the ship was well ingrained, and you never left something out that people could trip on in close quarters.

“Stop, Loco,” James flipped onto his back and turned down the bedroom lights, “come nap.”

“I don’t nap unless I’ve done something really exhausting during the day,” Shepard placed James’ ties on the tie-rack in the closet before joining James in the bedroom and sitting on the bed, “go to sleep, and I’ll wake you up when it’s time for dinner.”

“You can cuddle me while I nap,” James tugged on Shepard’s arm.

“James, I have a million messages to check, I need to register the new guns,” Shepard moved to stand up, and James tugged him back onto the bed.

“It’ll keep, Shepard, come to bed.”

“Are you trying to seduce me?”

“No,” James pulled again, “I’m trying to get you to take off your clothes and _cuddle_ with me.”

Shepard looked at James for a moment before letting out a sigh, “I’ll give you an hour.”

“Sweet, now get naked.”

“I thought you weren’t trying to seduce me?” Shepard kicked off his boots and pulled his shirt over his head.

“I’m not,” James started undressing, “but everyone knows the best cuddles are naked cuddles.”

“If you say so,” Shepard shucked off his pants and underwear before pulling back the covers as James did the same.

“You’ve never had naked cuddles?”

“My partners before you,” Shepard paused as James got into the bed, “never stuck around to cuddle me in general.”

“Well, they’re idiots, and you’re lucky you’re with me, now roll over,” James pushed at Shepard’s shoulder.

“What, you’re not looking to lay on me?”

“No, now _roll over_.”

“Okay…” Shepard rolled on his side, jumping slightly as James brought his body flush with his, tucking his knees against the back of Shepard’s and wrapping an arm around his waist.

“See, it’s nice,” James mumbled into Shepard’s back.

“Are you…spooning me?”

“Yep, you’re the little spoon, now stop talking,” James kissed Shepard’s shoulder and closed his eyes, “go to sleep.”

Shepard didn’t answer, instead linking his fingers with the hand wrapped around his waist and letting out a small contented sigh James wasn’t sure he was meant to hear.

***

James woke up alone; the lights in the room still dim.

“John?” James called out, louder than he needed to with Shepard’s augmented hearing.

“Downstairs,” Shepard called back, “our suits just arrived.”

“Come back to bed, I’m naked and lonely,” James said at a normal speaking volume, assuming that Shepard could hear him.

_Be there in a minute, the delivery guy won't be quiet – JS_

“Come back to bed!” James shouted down the stairs, skipping the messaging system, counting to three before he heard Shepard’s steps up the stairs.

“You scared the shit of out of him,” Shepard was chuckling, and he hung up the suit bags on the hook in the bathroom.

“I don’t like waking up alone,” James pouted, “it sucks.”

“You baby,” Shepard was wearing a pair of sweatpants with no shirt.

“Come back to bed,” James kicked the sheets off, sprawling across the bed, “I miss you.”

Shepard kicked off his pants and straddled James, “better?”

“Depends what you’re going to do in this position, Loco,” James placed a hand on Shepard’s hip, squeezing slightly.

Shepard reached down and grabbed James’ cock, already mostly hard, “I swear a strong breeze could get you going.”

James rolled his hips into Shepard’s hand, “just you, Loco.”

Shepard smiled, pumping James’ slowly, “Is that so?”

“Yep,” James closed his eyes, “you’re teasing me.”

“You’re right,” Shepard beamed as James’ eyes flew open, vaguely panicked, “because if we continue, we’re going to miss the dinner reservation, and you need to get dressed.”

“John,” James rolled his hips again, “please.”

“No,” Shepard didn’t stop his hand, keeping the same slow pace, “I had to name drop to get us into this restaurant, and you know that I hate doing that. Not to mention, I had poor Anthony bang out a suit for you in like, three hours. He would be heartbroken to know you didn’t wear it.”

“I’ll make it up to him,” James was ready to beg, “don’t stop.”

“We’re going to have plenty of time to play later,” Shepard argued, “surely a disciplined man such as yourself can handle a few hours.”

“I’ve wanted you since this morning,” James countered, “_all day.”_

“You can have me tonight,” Shepard collected the small bead of precum with his thumb and licked it off, “I promise.”

“John…”

“James…”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard gave James’ cock one last squeeze before standing up.

“I swear if you leave me like this, I’m going to jerk off in the shower.”

“How about this,” Shepard grabbed a pair of boxers from the dresser, “if you’re good, and you wait, I’ll show you something new tonight.”

James considered for a minute, “promise?”

“Promise.” Shepard turned on the shower, “and I’m sure you’ll love it.”

James took a deep breath before slowly letting it out, “I hate you.”

“You don’t,” Shepard called from the bathroom, where he could hear the sink running, “you love me.”

“Says who?” James walked over to the dresser and grabbed a pair of Shepard’s boxers, pulling them on, trying to avoid pinching his erection with the waistband.

“Says you.”

“I don’t love it when you tease me,” James walked over to the open bathroom door and leaned against the door frame, watching as Shepard shaved with an honest to god _razor_, rather than using the typical electric shaver.

When Shepard was done the sensitive skin around his upper lip, he washed off the leftover shaving cream and smiled at James through the mirror, “now you know how I felt when you used to ask me to “dance” with you every other night in the armoury.”

“That was torture for me, too,” James agreed, grabbing his electric shaver from the counter. He wasn’t sure how to shave with a real razor, and the cuts it would cause right before a date didn’t seem appealing.

“Well, if we’ve both waited since Earth, I think you can manage a few hours,” Shepard grabbed James’ brush from the counter and brushed the longer hair on the top of his head.

_The hair he kept long for you_, James’ brain supplied, _he probably doesn’t even have the stuff to style it_.

“Want me to do your hair for you?”

“Uh, sure?” Shepard passed the brush to James and closed his eyes as James brushed through it.

“When was the last time you had long hair?”

“Never. It doesn’t work well with biotics. Even less so when you’ve had your implant changed as often as I have,” Shepard watched as James put some gel in his hands and rubbed them together before bringing them up to run through his hair.

“That Jack chick has her implant changed a lot.”

“She had a shaved head when I met her. She still has the important part shaved now.”

“Huh, you could cut it off if you want too.”

“If you like it, it can stay,” Shepard shrugged, “as long as the back is short, I’m good.”

James took a step back and admired his work, Shepard looked _good_.

“Okay?” Shepard asked before turning around and looking in the mirror, “you did well.”

“Damn straight,” James used the leftover product in his hands for his mohawk, spiking it slightly.

Shepard walked over to the suit bags and grabbed one, walking into the bedroom with it over his arm, leaving James to brush his teeth.

***

When James came from the bathroom, he found his jaw-dropping at the sight in front of him. Shepard was wearing a pair of fitted black dress pants, a black undershirt, barefoot, with his silver dog tags resting in the middle of his chest.

“Shit,” James dropped his suit bag onto the bed.

“What?”

“I think I just figured out I have a military guy kink.”

Shepard looked down and chuckled, tucking his dog tags into the undershirt, “so do you just jerk off looking in the mirror?”

“You’re telling me that you’ve never done that?” James opened the suit bag and started pulling out the contents, “am I meant to wear a tie with this?”

“No, I had Anthony make it with the high collar you prefer, no tie required.” Shepard was pulling on a pair of dress socks before sliding his feet into a shiny pair of dress shoes.

“Thank god, I don’t know how to tie them,” James pulled on the pants and found that they did fit better than they had earlier in the day, “you never answered my question.”

“What, have I ever jerked off in front of a mirror?” Shepard shook his head, “believe it or not, I don’t think I’m all that attractive. Worse now that I have all the added lights, implants, and scars. I think if I were trying to jerk off while looking at myself, I’d likely have a hard time keeping it up.”

“What, seriously?”

“Seriously,” Shepard walked over and helped James adjust his collar, ensuring it was even.

“You’ve had like, half the ship, tell you that they’re in love with you, and you don’t think you’re attractive?”

“I guess I’m not my type,” Shepard pressed a kiss to James’ cheek, “I’m going to finish up in the bathroom, I’ll meet you downstairs in a few.”

“Okay, Loco.”

***

“Lieutenant Vega,” Steve called to him as he walked down the stairs into the living room, “looking mighty fine.”

“That must be one of Anthony’s suits,” Kaidan commented from the couch.

“It is,” James gave a little turn and laughed as Steve cheered, “Shepard took me to meet him today.”

“Well, you look great, James,” Kaidan stood and walked over to James, looking at him with a considering eye, “can I make an adjustment?”

“By all means.”

Kaidan took hold of the jacket sleeve, tugging it slightly before stepping back and checking his work. Leaning forward again, James tensed slightly as Kaidan slid his hands under the jacket, adjusting the shoulders.

“There, now it’s even.

“_Gracias,” _James did up one button on the blazer.

“Groping my man, Major?” James turned at Shepard’s voice as he descended the steps.

“Holy shit.”

For a minute, James thought the words had come from his own mouth before he realized that it had been Steve who was now standing beside Kaidan.

“Okay?” Shepard held out his arms.

It wasn’t the suit that had taken James by surprise, though the black blazer, dress shirt, and pants looked terrific. It was the _tie_. The dark burgundy tie sitting in the middle in Shepard’s chest. The one that matched James’ shirt exactly.

“_Fuck_, Loco,” James walked up to Shepard slowly, aware that he was more than slightly hard and unsure if the suit pants would cover the evidence.

“What?”

James reached out and grabbed the tie, “it’s like you’re wearing a big sign that says you’re mine.”

Shepard smiled at that, “James, I _am_ yours.”

James let out a sound which was somewhere between a growl and a moan before pulling Shepard in by the tie and kissing him deeply.

Shepard, to his credit, was always good at controlling a situation, licking James’ lower lip while gently loosening James’ grip on his tie, and directing James’ hands to his hips.

James; however, did not have a reputation for following orders. Deciding instead to reach for Shepard’s ass, pulling him tight against his body.

The sound of Kaidan clearing his throat pulled Shepard back.

“Damnit, Kaidan, you should have left them. That was one of the hottest things I’ve seen all week.” Steve complained.

“So, you like the tie?” Shepard winked at James.

“Don’t you sass me, Commander,” James’ voice was wrecked, and he didn’t care who could tell, “or so help me god I’ll take you upstairs and fuck you into that bed.”

“Is that so?” Shepard’s face was neutral, “I’d like to see you try.”

James gave a small smile, muscles coiling as he got ready to reach out and throw Shepard over his shoulder. Springing forward, James almost fell when his arms closed around empty air.

“Our ride is here, James,” Shepard was by the front door, looking far less flustered than James felt.

“Damn Shepard, that was one hell of a biotic step,” Kaidan tried and failed to hide his amusement.

“Fucking biotics,” James straightened his jacket, took a deep breath, and walked to the door.

“Have a good evening, Vega,” Steve called to James as he flipped him off and closed the door behind them.

James considered a smart remark but was pulled up short at the stretch limo in front of them.

“Wait, seriously?”

“I told you I had planned a date,” Shepard nodded at the driver as he held the door open for them, “I meant it.”

James climbed into the limo behind Shepard and looked around the spacious area within the limo. A small bar, velvet bench seats, and mood lighting. The limo was everything James had ever seen in old gangster movies.

“Enjoy the ride, gentlemen,” the driver called from the front seat as he got in, “the bar is fully stocked, help yourselves.”

“Thank you,” Shepard pulled out one of the bottles of wine and read the label before popping the cork with practiced ease, which made James wonder what else he had been taught at N7, “how long is the drive?”

“This time of night, about 20 minutes.”

“Perfect, would you mind pulling up the privacy screen?”

“Not at all,” and with a press of the button, the driver disappeared behind a thick layer of black glass.

James shifted in his seat, still hard from looking at Shepard in that suit with that fucking _tie_.

“Alright?” Shepard had noticed because, of course, he had.

“Fine,” James shifted again, throbbing against his belt.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Shepard handed James a small flute of some kind of carbonated wine.

James shrugged, taking a sip of the wine, it was pleasant, light and James found himself thinking of Earth baseball trying to will his erection away.

“James?” Shepard was reclined back against one of the velvet seats, and James glanced at him, his cock immediately throbbing at the sight.

“Yeah, Loco?”

“What’s bugging you?”

“I’ve been hard as a rock since you came up with the suits,” James took a deep breath, “and I’m not sure how the hell I’m going to manage dinner.”

“Hmm,” Shepard checked him Omni-tool before placing his wine down on the bar and dropping to his knees in front of James.

“Loco?”

“Think you can be quick?”

“Wha-“ James tensed as Shepard’s fingers quickly worked his fly, reaching in and pulling his cock free.

“I figure you have about 10 minutes,” Shepard didn’t hesitate as he leaned forward and took James’ cock into his mouth and starting a relentless pace.

“_Fuck_,” James dropped his head back against the seat.

Shepard wasn’t holding anything back, bringing his hand into the mix, pumping James in time with his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and sucking hard. No foreplay required; Shepard was a man on a mission working with a specified time-frame. This was likely, James mused, not he intended purpose for N7 training on mission management.

Within minutes James could feel himself approaching the edge, groaning with each lick from Shepard.

“I’m close,” James watched as Shepard worked his dick, that damn tie still tight around his neck. He was so distracted by the sight he didn’t notice as Shepard’s hand lit up blue, the biotics causing his orgasm to take him by surprise, James trying his best to muffle the moans into his sleeve as Shepard swallowed around him.

James caught his breath as Shepard gently tucked him back into his pants, retaking his seat and downing the contents in one go.

“Better?”

James nodded, “I needed that.”

“I could tell,” Shepard checked his Omni-tool, “we’re almost there.”

“Guess I can’t return the favour?”

“We won't have time,” Shepard moved to be closer to the door, “besides, the best cure in the world for a hard-on that won't go away is just outside this door.”

“What’s that?”

“Paparazzi.”


	22. Commander Shepard - Husk - Shore Leave Pt 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:
> 
> Some brief mention of past sexual trauma
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“What do I say?!” James felt vaguely frantic at the thought of being cornered by the press.

“Whatever you want,” Shepard adjusted his jacket’s cuffs, “as long as it doesn’t include “Commander Shepard just sucked me off in the back of that limo” or, “I think the Reapers are cute” you should be fine.”

“What do I say about _us_?”

“As I said before,” Shepard shrugged, “whatever you want, or feel comfortable with.”

The privacy screen was retracted, and the driver spoke from the front seat, “we’re almost there gentlemen.”

“Perfect,” Shepard moved closer to the door, sitting beside James.

“You’re going to love this place,” the driver added, “I suggest the steak, real earth beef, it’s a bit pricey, but if you want a meal you’ll never forget that’s the stuff.”

“Good to know. James is the foodie in our relationship, I generally just eat whatever he makes me.”

“Steak is awesome,” James agreed, “you’ll love it.”

The limo pulled up to a stop, and the driver got out of the car walking around to their door.

“Just remember,” Shepard fixed his tie, “you don’t owe the press anything. You’re a soldier with the Alliance. You’re not on the council, you’re not a celebrity, you don’t have to give them anything if you don’t want too.

“So, why do you talk to them?”

“Unfortunately, being the first human Spectre, taking down Saren, not to mention all of the other crap I’ve been up too for the past few years, I do have an element of celebrity. While I think the council are a bunch of idiots, I do represent them.” Shepard slid out of the limo as the door was opened by the driver and turned, offering a hand to James, “just because they can abuse me, doesn’t mean they can abuse you.”

James took Shepard’s hand and followed him out of the limo. The restaurant had set up something in the way of a small red carpet, and true to Shepard’s observation, most of the surrounding area was taken up by press with a small number of civilians standing around.

“Shepard! Commander Shepard!” various voices called to them as they stepped onto the carpet, “can we get a picture?”

Shepard moved to let go of James’ hand, but James held tight, “I got you.”

The smile Shepard flashed at him was worth the awkward catcalls from the press surrounding them.

“I’ll show you how to get through this,” Shepard leaned in and whispered to James, “it’s not so bad.”

Shepard walked over to the group, still holding’ James’ hand.

“Good evening,” Shepard greeted, “I’m sure you all have many questions for me, but I do have a reservation for a dinner date that I don’t plan on missing, so I only have five minutes.” Shepard raised his hand at the chorus of questions shouted his way, “one at a time, and I need to remind you that I can’t tell you anything about any on-going missions.”

“Shepard!” a Salarian called from the front of the crowd, “is it true that you were rebuilt by Cerberus after being declared dead by the Alliance?”

“I’m afraid I’m unable to discuss my return to the Alliance, but I can confirm I have multiple Cerberus designed cybernetics.”

“Commander?”

“Hi, Atticus, how are you?” Shepard acknowledged the Turian.

“Well, Commander, thank you for asking. I was wondering, would you say the Turian support is critical to the war success?”

“I think the support of all species will be critical for the war being won. Without question, the Turians are unmatched in air support. We would not have been able to take down that Reaper on Tuchunka without the Turians.”

“Shepard?”

Shepard sighed slightly, “yes, Donna?”

“It’s so good to see you, Commander,” Donna responded. She was a human female, probably close to her mid-forties if James were to guess.

“Who did you bring with you tonight?”

“This is Lieutenant James Vega.”

“And he is?”

“The arms master on the Normandy. If you need a gun repaired, or a shotgun that accurate enough that you could use it to conduct surgery, he’s your man.”

James smiled John, which Donna noticed immediately.

“And what is the nature of your relationship?”

“We’re together,” James answered for Shepard.

“Romantically together?” Donna asked, “are you telling me that the Alliance Navy Bachelor of the year for the past two years running is no longer on the market?”

“That right.”

“Commander?” Donna turned her attention to Shepard, “anything you would like to add?”

“I love James,” Shepard shrugged, “it’s wonderful to have love in my life after many years of facing all of this alone.”

“Are their wedding bells in your future?”

“First, there is a war to be won,” Shepard nodded to the press, “and then, maybe, if James can put up with me for that long.”

The crowd laughed, and James had a moment to appreciate how easily Shepard could handle a stressful situation.

“If you’ll excuse us, we have a dinner date to get too,” Shepard bowed his head in farewell and took James’ hand, turning toward the restaurant door.

“Can we get a picture before you leave?” It was the Salarian that called out.

“One,” Shepard agreed, pulling James’ hand around his waist and draping his arm across James’ shoulder.

Shepard turned and smiled at the camera, though James could tell it was forced. Turning his head, James kissed Shepard’s cheek, causing a genuine smile and chuckle.

“If you’re going to give them a picture,” James whispered, “make it a good one.”

“No problem,” Shepard reached up, cupping James’ check with one hand and pulled him into a kiss. It was gentle, sweet, and definitely not like their usual impassioned make-out sessions.

“Thank you, Commander!”

Shepard pulled back, still smiling at James, “shall we?”

“Sure,” James linked their fingers, followed Shepard as he walked through the restaurant doors.

***

“Commander Shepard!” a Turian greeted them, “we’re so glad to have you joining us tonight.”

Shepard shook his hand, “thank you for getting us in on such short notice. After Commander Bailey spent no less than an hour talking about your food, I knew I needed to come.”

“Bailey is very kind to us,” the Turian gestured, “if you’ll follow me, I’ve selected one of our private rooms for your evening. I’m sure after the vultures attacked you outside, you’ve probably had your fill of being gawked at.”

“Appreciate it,” Shepard followed the Turian through the restaurant, James close behind.

The Turian walked them through the restaurant, toward the back corner. It was beautiful, James mused, the walls painted deep red, dark wood tables, the entire place lit by candles rather than the typical artificial lighting of the Citadel. The other couples in the restaurant were speaking quietly, and James noted that there were no kids around, so the quiet jazz music that was being played over the speakers could be heard.

“Just here,” the Turian opened a large dark wood door, “the doors can be closed while you eat, if you like, it allows for a more intimate experience.”

“Sounds wonderful, thank you,” Shepard pulled out a chair for James, pushing it in for him as he sat before walking around the table and taking his own seat.

“I’ll have your server with you shortly,” with a bow, the Turian left the room, shutting the door behind him.

“Some fancy place, Loco,” James looked around the room, and noted a real candle chandelier hanging above their heads, “it must cost a fortune.”

“You’re worth it,” Shepard, James noted, was not taking in the décor, instead focusing his attention on James.

“Something on my face?”

“No. I just thought that you look amazing in candlelight.” Shepard gave James a warm smile, “and that I owe Anthony a bottle of wine for that suit.”

James reached a hand out across the table, and Shepard took it without hesitation.

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” James cringed, “that sounded so cliché.”

“It was sweet,” Shepard’s eyes flicked to the door, “our server is coming.”

Ten seconds later, the door opened revealing an Asari, who walked holding a small menu.

“Good evening gentlemen, my name is Esayla, and I will be taking care of you this evening.”

“John Shepard,” Shepard introduced himself, “and this is James Vega.”

“Lovely to meet you,” Esayla gave a small bow, “is this your first time joining us?”

“It is.”

“Wonderful, well, we don’t work with menus, just have a few featured meals each night,” Esayla passed the small menu to Shepard, “though, as you can see, we do have an extensive wine list.”

“What are your recommendations?” Shepard opened the wine list and flipped through it.

“Our chef special tonight is prime rib, cooked to medium-rare, served with garlic roast potatoes and seasonal vegetables.”

“Oh, I’m definitely doing that,” James nodded, “sounds amazing.”

“Make it two,” Shepard passed the list back to Esayla, “you can bring out whichever wine you think is most suited.

“Oh, well, I do need to tell you that our prices vary quite a bit. Did you have a cap you wanted me to work within?”

“No,” Shepard winked at James, “whatever keeps this one happy is fine.”

“Very good,” Esayla gave another small bow, “I will be back shortly.”

“Take your time,” Shepard took James’ hand again, “we’re not in a rush.”

James heard the door close behind him as Esayla left with their orders, “you know, you keep spoiling me like this, Loco, and there’ll be no living with me. I’ll expect the best of everything.”

“It’s what you deserve,” Shepard said easily, “and I’ll give it to you if I can.”

James felt his heart flutter in his chest and could tell he had a goofy smile on his face, “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Shepard brought James’ hand to his lips, brushing a kiss across his knuckles.

“You really go all out when you date,” James looked over the room again, “this place looks straight out of a movie.”

“I’ve never done the dating thing before,” Shepard frowned slightly, “is it too much?”

“No,” James reassured, “it’s just not what I expected from this.”

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t know watching movies, playing sports, good sex?” James shrugged “wasn’t really sure.”

“Are you disappointed?”

“Hell no,” James looked at Shepard, reading insecurity across his features, “John, we could be eating in a cardboard box, and I’d be happy.”

Shepard’s eyes went to the door again, and Esayla came though holding a dark bottle of wine, “gentlemen, I have selected a red to go with your meals, this bottle has been aged for-“

“Esayla,” Shepard stopped her, “I really appreciate the effort, but I’m not going to understand a word of it. I’m sure what you’ve picked is perfect.”

Esayla smiled at that, “how about a simpler summary?”

“Sure.”

“It’s expensive, it’s old, and it’s won a lot of awards,” Esayla took the wine glass from the table and poured a small amount in, passing it back to Shepard, “because you’ve ordered a strongly flavoured meal, I paired it with strong wine. It may seem too strong without the food accompanying it, but I assure you it will be amazing with dinner.”

James watched as Shepard smelled the wine, before swirling it slightly and taking a small sip, “it’s perfect, thank you.”

With the approval, Esayla poured a glass for James and topped up Shepard’s, “would you like me to leave the bottle?”

“Please,” Shepard confirmed.

“Certainly, your dinner will be out in a few minutes.”

Once Esayla left the room, James turned to Shepard, “you know, for someone who has the confidence to broker an alliance between the Krogan and the Turians, you don’t have a lot of confidence in your personal life.”

“No,” Shepard agreed, “I don’t.”

“You should,” James took a sip of the wine, “you’re gorgeous, smart, funny, great in bed.”

“I’ve never been much more than friends with benefits, before,” Shepard shifted in his chair, “I’ve been really unlucky in love. I’d like this to go right.”

“It’s going perfect,” James confirmed, “feels right.”

“That it does,” Shepard raised his glass in a toast, “to us.”

“To us,” James clinked his glass against Shepard’s and took a sip.

A few minutes of small talk later, Esayla opened the door with a small cart, “gentlemen, your dinner is served.”

***

“You’re shitting me,” James was leaning back in his chair now, his empty plate off to the side of the table, the mostly empty bottle of wine between them.

“Dead serious,” Shepard snorted, “Anderson didn’t let him live it down.”

“Man,” James drained his glass, “you’ve done some fun shit before I came along.”

“I have,” Shepard agreed, “it helps to have a great team with you, but I think if I ever wrote an autobiography that most people would think it’s full of bullshit.”

“Probably,” James poured the rest of the bottle between their glasses, “but I’d still read it.”

“You’d only read the chapters you were in,” Shepard chuckled, “you’d want to read about the sex.”

“We haven’t actually had sex,” James pointed out.

“No,” the _Shepard Analysis _was back, “but you certainly had some suggestions about it earlier.”

James blushed, “uh, yeah, sorry about that. I was thinking with my smaller head.”

“Is that something you would like to try?”

“Uh,” James shifted in his chair, “yes?”

“Was that a question, or a yes?”

“It was a yes, but I didn’t think you were into that.’

Shepard took a sip of wine before answering, “I told you I’ve bottomed before.”

“Not in years, not in this body,” James repeated, “I know. You also told me you were a top in that same conversation.”

“I am a top,” Shepard nodded, “usually.”

“So, you might be willing?”

Shepard tilted his head in consideration, “I might, but I need to think about it. If you think about the kind of background I’ve had, both on the streets and in love, you might have some idea of why I don’t like bottoming.”

James winced, “if you’re not comfortable, then we can forget it.”

“I’m not saying I’m not comfortable,” Shepard disagreed, “and believe it or not, under a skilled top being a bottom can be _really_ good. It’s just a control thing for me, but I trust you, and I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose,” Shepard took another drink of wine, “so let me think about it.”

James felt his blood heat at the thought, “John, you can’t talk dirty to me in the middle of the restaurant.”

“Hardly talking dirty, James, but feel free to think about it however much you like,” Shepard nodded toward the door, “Esayla is coming.”

“How was the entrée, gentlemen?”

“Amazing,” Shepard nodded, “it certainly lives up to the hype.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Esayla grabbed the plates and the bottle, “can I tempt you with dessert?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard agreed, “what do you have?”

“Chocolate lava cake, New York Cheesecake, or apple crumble.”

“Lava cake, please,” Shepard nodded to James, “what are you having?”

“Apple crumble, are they real apples?”

“They are.”

James nodded, “haven’t had an apple in years that wasn’t grown in a lab.”

“Will you require more wine?”

“Sure, whatever you think will work.”

“Be back shortly.”

***

Dessert eaten, James finished the last of the wine in his glass, “you’re never going to be able to match this, Loco.”

“I’m sure we can come back,” Shepard licked some chocolate off of his finger, “ready to go home?”

“For sure.”

Shepard scanned his Omni-tool over a small screen at the side of the table, settling the bill, then pressed a few buttons and standing, “limo is on its way.”

“Think the press is still outside?” James offered Shepard his arm and couldn’t help but grin as Shepard took it without hesitation.

“I think we’ve been in there long enough they probably think that we snuck out the back door, it’s almost 10.”

“Man that flew by,” James nodded to the Turian at the door before leading Shepard to the limo, which was waiting for them.

“Time flies when you’re having fun,” Shepard slid into the limo and relaxed into the seat.

James saw his Omni-tool flash with an incoming message.

_Tell your man that they’re the 10th street reds – EV_

A picture followed the message, the face of Emilio Vega with a bruised and swollen black eye and a bloody nose.

“Oh shit,” James showed Shepard the picture, “10th street reds?”

“I was afraid of that,” Shepard sighed, “tell him I’m on it.”

_John has an idea, are you okay? -JV_

_Not sure how much longer we’ll last here, Jimmy, but I’m managing – EV_.

“Fuck,” James groaned, “he’s out there getting hurt, and I don’t even have a way to get to him.”

“It’s okay, I’ll sort it out.” Shepard gave James a reassuring smile, “I know them.”

“How?”

“That was my gang.”

***

James followed Shepard into the apartment, where Kaidan and Steve were still up watching TV.

“Sorry guys, I need to use the room, just for ten minutes.” Shepard walked over to the wall and pressed his hand to the middle of a panel, which, after a minute, slid aside revealing a vid comm unit.

“Uh, sure?” Kaidan looked at Steve, “you need us to leave?”

“No, but you’re going to want to stay out of eyesight,” Shepard pulled off his tie and slipped the jacket from his arms, dropping it on the couch.

“Loco?”

“Some quick N7 training for you, James,” Shepard rolled up his sleeves to the elbow and reached behind the monitor for a cable, plugging it into his arm, “how do you scare someone who has lots of resources, and a small army to defend themselves?”

James considered for a moment, coming up empty, “I don’t know, Loco, I guess it depends on what they’re scared of.”

Shepard smiled, typing on the terminal a string of code James didn’t understand, “and what’s something a leader fears?”

“Failure?”

“Sometimes,” Shepard agreed, “but what else. Something I’ve told you before.”

“A loss of control?”

“That’s exactly right.” Shepard took a step back from the terminal and gesturing James over, “when I signal, I need you to press this button,” Shepard pointed, “keep an eye on my hands.”

“What are we going to do?”

“We’re going to convince the leader of one of the biggest gangs on earth that he’s losing control. I should warn you, he’s a fucking dick.” Shepard looked at Kaidan and Steve, “you might want to stand by the piano.”

Kaidan and Steve moved, sitting together on the piano bench.

“Glyph?”

“Yes, Commander,” Glyph flew into the room.

“When James presses that button, I need you to turn the lights to 10 percent in the apartment.”

“Certainly.”

Shepard started undoing the buttons of his shirt, leaving it undone but still on, pausing momentarily, “I know I joke a lot, about being dangerous, but this is going to be something none of you have seen before. Try not to think less of me after. Just remember this is what I was trained in.”

Before any of them could answer, Shepard pressed a button on the terminal, and the sound of an outgoing vid call sounded over the speakers of the apartment.

“This is Joe's bar,” a small balding man answered the call, his hologram standing in front of Shepard, “holy shit, is that you Buzz?”

“Hey Marty,” Shepard greeted, “is King in?”

“You wanna talk to King?” Marty rubbed his hands together, “you know the deal, Buzz, when you’re out, you’re out. King ain't’ gonna talk to you now.”

Shepard crossed his arms and fixed a glare at Marty, who shrunk back, “did I stutter?”

“N-no, but Buzz, you know the rules.”

“I don’t follow your rules anymore, Marty. It’s a shame if you can’t help me though, I might have been able to tip you off before the raid.”

“What raid?”

Shepard shrugged, “I’m afraid I won't be able to pass that information along, Marty, not without some co-operation.”

“Shit,” Marty paced back and forth, “it was that last shipment, wasn’t it? I knew the deal with Krogan was a bad idea.”

“King, Marty,” Shepard interrupted, “I need to speak with King. Tell him I have work for him.”

“Yeah,” Marty was muttering under his breath about Krogans and red sand, “I’ll pass you through.”

Marty disappeared, and there was a pause before a larger human appeared.

“Buzz?”

“King,” Shepard rolled his shoulders, standing to his full height and squaring his chest, “long time,”

“That’s what happens when you abandon us, Buzz.”

Shepard shrugged.

“Look, what do you want, Buzz?”

“You have a small Alliance group near you, and I know you’ve been giving them shit. I need you to back off.”

King laughed, pushing greasy grey hair back from his eyes, “you’re in no position to ask me for a favour, Buzz.”

Shepard grinned, a threatening smile with too many teeth, “Oh, I’m not asking,”

“Yeah, you going to come down here and do something about it, Buzz? You and what army?”

“I’m glad you asked,” Shepard crossed his arms, and James took in just how big Shepard was when he was intimidating someone, “I’ve got a selection, so who would you prefer? I can send the Alliance, give them a tip about the red sand delivery you just did with the Krogans.”

“How did y-“

Shepard cut him off, “or maybe I can get the council involved, bring some Spectres in. We could clean out your entire operation within minutes, and your neighbours wouldn’t even hear a squeak before you’d all be dead.”

“Hey, don’t you threat-“

“Or, I suppose I could have Aria bring in the Blue Suns and the Bloodpack. I know they would want to take over the red sand shipments, and at least I know they don’t bully the fucking _Alliance_ while there doing it, unlike you chucklefucks.”

“Buzz…”

“Or,” Shepard took a step forward, and James noted that Shepard’s hologram stood a solid three inches taller than Kings, “maybe I’ll come down there myself. You see, I have a lot of bad blood with you, King. I know you were the one that got my mom hooked on red sand, which lead to her hooking. I also know you were the one that sold her the drugs that she OD’d on.”

“What’re you going to do about it?” King crossed his arms, “it was a long time ago.”

“That it was,” Shepard agreed, “but I’m good at holding a grudge.”

“Fine, come on down, and we can fight about it. I’ll show you what it’s like to be a real man. I remember how you liked to be manhandled before.”

James felt his stomach clench as he remembered their earlier conversation.

“Oh no, King, that’s where you’ve got it wrong,” Shepard crackled his knuckles, “see I’m bigger now, and I’ve had the best of the best training through the Alliance.” His voice took on more force, “and I am, without question, the most dangerous person you’ll ever come across in your life.”

King, to his credit, didn’t answer.

“So yeah, I’m going to come down there, I’m going to beat the shit out of you, and I’m going to set fire to all of your warehouses. I’m going to kill every member of the 10th I come across.” Shepard’s voice was firm but steady, and utterly lacking emotion.

“I’m going to drag your beaten ass out to those spikes, you know the ones, the big silver spikes that the Reapers are using to turn people into husks, and I’m going to stick you on one.” Shepard stood closer to King. Had they been in the same room, King would have been able to smell the wine on Shepard’s breath.

“I’ll wait until you’re a husk, and I’ll keep you in the shuttle bay for target practice. I won't let you die, I’ll let you stay like that for as long as I live.” Shepard was grinning, and James felt uneasy at the sight.

Shepard spoke softly, almost considering, “do you think they remember? Their lives before? Do you ever wonder if they come running to us screaming because they’re asking for help?”

Shepard brought his hands behind his back and started counting down using his fingers, starting with five fingers.

“Let me tell you, King, I’ve been dead, and I may not be a total husk,” Shepard closed his hand, the countdown over, and James hit the button as Glyph cast them into almost darkness. Shepard’s cybernetics flashed, the lights the brightest that James had ever seen them.

Ripping his tank top in two, the bright light behind Shepard’s heart showed his ribs, heart, and lungs clearly through his skin. Shepard made a show of running his hand over the light in a way that let King see the cable plugged into his arm, and King swallowed as if nauseous.

“But I remember everything. The first time you shot me up with red sand, every time you ever beat me when I was growing up. I can pick your aftershave and cigarettes out of a line up with my eyes closed.” Shepard continued, his voice still low, “I don’t even know if I’m human anymore, but I can remember everything. I’m not sure if the full husks are the same,” Shepard pointed at King, “but I can tell you if you don’t lay off of that Alliance crew, you’re going to find out exactly what a husk remembers.”

“Look, Buzz,” King’s eyes were fixated on Shepard’s heart, “It’s business, right? There is money in guns, and the Alliance has them.”

“I guess I’ll be seeing you soon,” Shepard turned back toward James and took a step, and James noticed for the first time that in really low light, Shepard’s eyes had a red light inside them.

“Wait-“ King reached out as if to grab him, “I’m not saying I won’t stop, but I can’t do it for free.”

Shepard turned at that, “what are you proposing?”

King ran another hand through greasy hair before lighting a cigarette, “how long are we talking here?”

“Start with a week and go from there,” Shepard pointed to King, “and I’m not going to pay you to just lay off. If we’re going to negotiate, you’re going to throw in protection against any other cockroaches down there.”

“Right,” King nodded, “for a week? You’re probably looking at 30,000 credits.”

“I’ll double it if you’re serious, but if any of them complain to me about so much as a hangnail, I’ll be in New York so fast you won't be able to hide.”

“Come on,” King was pleading, “you know I’m good for a business deal.”

“What I know is you’re a piece of shit,” Shepard responded flatly.

“Buzz, I’m good for it.”

Shepard brought up his Omni-tool, and King’s eyes followed the cable in his arm, three presses later King’s Omni-tool flashed.

“You don’t waste time.”

“No, and you’d do well to remember that, one husk to another,” Shepard gave King a hard look, “don’t you have protection to plan?”

“Right,” King nodded, “I’ll update you.”

“I’m watching King, don’t fuck this up,” Shepard reached for the cable in his arm, “see you real soon, King.” Shepard pulled the cable out, and King disappeared from the room.

The silence of the room was oppressive. Kaidan and Steve looking between themselves and at Shepard, who was staring at his own reflection in the black windows of the apartment.

“James,” Shepard sounded cold and disconnected, “press that button again.”

James did, and the lights under Shepard’s skin faded slightly.

“Commander, would you like the lights up?” Glyph asked

“Yes,” it was practically a whisper.

The lights in the apartment brightened, hiding the lights in Shepard’s skin.

“Commander, you’re injured,” Glyph flew by Shepard.

Shepard looked down at his arm, the drips of blood falling from his fingers onto the floor.

“It’s okay,” Shepard turned towards the stairs, “I’ll get cleaned up.”

“John,” Kaidan called him from the piano, “you don’t believe all that, do you?”

Shepard paused his ascent up the stairs, glancing over his shoulder for a minute before continuing up and into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.


	23. Hoping to heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canadians. 
> 
> I'm thankful for Alilypea, who reads this stuff and makes me sound smart. 
> 
> You should be thankful for her too, because she edited three chapters for you.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James, Kaidan, and Steve stared at each other in silence.

It was Kaidan who broke the quiet, “we, uh, that is to say, the old crew, let him down when he came back.”

“What do you mean?” James walked over and grabbed Shepard’s jacket from the couch.

“Garrus, when he saw the lights, asked if he was indoctrinated by holding a sniper rifle to his head. Liara wouldn’t come back to the SR2, Tali had to be convinced, Wrex left him altogether.” Kaidan sighed, “I told him that he wasn’t the Shepard that I knew on Horizon when he showed up in a Cerberus uniform. The only one that didn’t turn their back on him, at least initially, was Joker.”

“Why would you guys do that too him?”

“When he first came back, the scars and lights were a lot worse,” Kaidan buried his face in his hands, “he had been gone for two years, there was no way that it was _our _Shepard. We all assumed it was some kind of Cerberus knock off.”

“But, it’s Shepard,” James could hear the disappointment in his voice, “he’s-“

“Upstairs. Alone.” Steve cut in, “we can’t change the past, James. It was a shitty thing to do, yes, but let’s face it, people don’t come back from the dead. At least, usually. If you want to give the crew shit, do it _tomorrow_ after you go and help Shepard through this.”

James nodded, glancing up the stairs, “anyone have any tips? Words of wisdom?”

“On how to reassure your reincarnated boyfriend that he’s still the person that he was before he died?” Steve shrugged, “I’m afraid I don’t have much experience in that.”

James took a deep breath and started up the stairs, pausing for a moment outside the bedroom door before letting himself in.

The room was dark, but James could see a trail of clothes leading to the bathroom where he could hear the shower running. James walked around the room picking up Shepard’s suit, before hanging it on its hanger and setting it in the closet, shedding his own at the same time. He knew that Shepard could hear him, but it would give James time to think of what he was going to say and let Shepard prepare to talk with someone.

Walking over to the bathroom door, James knocked, “John?”

There was no answer, so James changed his tactic.

“I’m coming in, so if you want me to stay away, you need to tell me in the next five seconds.”

James counted to five in his head, very slowly. With no rejection, he slid open the door.

The lights in the bathroom were also off, the only light source coming from Shepard, who was standing under steaming water with his eyes closed.

“Can I join you?”

“If you want too,” Shepard’s voice was low.

James fought the urge to make a joke about their previous experience in showers, deciding instead to step into the shower behind Shepard and wrapping his arms around Shepard’s mid-section, pulling their bodies flush.

Shepard didn’t move for a minute, before slowly reaching a hand up and placing it over James’. The acceptance of James in Shepard’s private space spurred him to talk.

“You know, I’m starting to feel like I owe you a lot of credits,” James spoke softly into the side of Shepard’s neck, placing a small kiss there.

Shepard huffed out a breath, “you don’t owe me anything.”

“60,000 credits is a lot of money,” James put some pressure on Shepard, trying to urge him to turn around. Shepard resisted.

“Your family is worth it.”

James squeezed Shepard a little tighter, considered for a moment, and then decided he might as well broach the uncomfortable topic.

“You know you’re nothing like a husk, right?”

“Aren’t I?”

“No,” James pushed a little harder and managed to convince Shepard to turn around, though he wouldn’t meet his eyes, “you’re nothing like a husk.”

Shepard didn’t respond, keeping his eyes downcast.

“John,” James pulled Shepard into a tight hug, letting Shepard rest his head against his chest, “look, you’ve got some extra lights, sure, but husks are a shell. They don’t think, they don’t feel, they just kill.”

“Am I so different? I was designed by Cerberus to kill.”

“And you told the Illusive Man to go fuck himself and turned yourself over to the Alliance.” James ran his hands over Shepard’s back, “man, I studied your every move for years before I joined up with your crew, and I knew as soon as I met you that you were the real deal.”

“How?”

“Because you have this _thing_, John. This leadership quality that they couldn’t program. I don’t care how smart Cerberus is, they couldn’t make you, _you_.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. I’m your boyfriend, and I know who you are, John.” James took a step back, and finally Shepard met his gaze, “I’m sorry the cybernetics bother you, it’s not fair that you have to deal with these on top of all the other shit you’ve had in your life, but John, you have tons of other things you could compare yourself too, not just husks.”

“Like?”

“Oh shit John, I don’t know, EDI?” James continued, “Legion? There are so many amazing living things that light up that aren’t husks. Fuck, even Tali has glowing silver eyes and her face flashes when she talks, you don’t call her a husk.”

“So, I’m a robot-geth-quarian?” Shepard’s mouth curved in a slight smile, “that’s possible, but the husk thing is crazy?”

“Yes,” James nodded, “the husk thing is crazy. You’re not a husk, John, you’re my man who happens to be full of cool robot parts.”

Shepard regarded James for a moment, “I like robot better.”

“Okay, so that’s what we’ll work with,” James kissed Shepard, a brief press of lips, “but you’re mine, I love you, and you’re not a husk.”

Shepard relaxed slightly, “okay.”

“Now,” James turned off the water, “let's go cuddle.”

Shepard took the towel that James offered him, wrapping it around his waist, stopping as he glanced in the mirror, “they really don’t bother you?”

“What?”

“The cybernetics? The fact you can literally see my heart?”

“No,” James opened the bathroom door and took a step into the bedroom, “they really don’t bother me. I sleep on your chest every night, don’t I?”

“Yeah,” Shepard followed James into the bedroom, “I guess you do.”

James dried off and jumped into the bed, “cuddles.”

“If I recall,” Shepard pulled the towel from his waist, “I promised you more than cuddles before dinner.”

“And then you sucked me off in a limo, which was something I’ve never done before.”

“I had something else in mind if you’re still interested.” Shepard kneeled on the bed next to James, “though I’ll understand if the mood is lost.”

“Lost?” James reached a hand out and rested it on Shepard’s thigh, “I just watched you threaten someone for me. If that doesn’t get you going, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Shepard’s smile was easier now, and his eyes glanced up to something near the headboard, “do you have any issues with being tied up?”

James considered for a minute, “I don’t know, I’ve never been tied up.”

“Did you ever drive a car back on earth?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Do you remember the traffic lights?”

“Yeah…why?”

“Which colour means stop?”

“Red,” James raised an eyebrow, “why?”

Shepard reached up and grabbed two cuffs from the top of the bed, holding them out to James, “for what I have in mind, I’m going to need you to say the word stop. If you don’t like what’s happening, you can just say the word red, and I‘ll stop everything and untie you.”

“What, like a safe word?”

“Exactly like a safe word,” Shepard nodded, “what do you think?”

James passed the cuffs back to Shepard, “I trust you,” he held his wrists out to Shepard, “go for it.”

Shepard wrapped a cuff around each of James’ wrists before attaching them together, “move to the middle of the bed for me.”

James shifted, and Shepard straddled him as he came to the middle of the bed, grabbing both of his wrists, Shepard stretched James’ arms above his head, and James felt a click.

“Can you get out of that?”

James pulled gently and met resistance.

“Try harder.”

James flexed, putting his strength into bringing his arms down.

They didn’t move an inch.

“Good,” Shepard moved over to the bedside cabinet and pulled out a bottle of lube, “feeling okay?”

“It’s different, but it’s okay,” James watched as Shepard walked around the room, before he stopped at the suit bags, reaching into one, he retrieved his tie.

“What are you going to do with that, Loco?”

“Blindfold you,” Shepard walked over, kneeling on the bed once more, “Is that okay?”

James nodded, lifting his head so Shepard could cover his eyes.

“There,” Shepard pushed James back, “can you see anything?”

James couldn’t, so he told Shepard as much.

“What are you going to say if you want to stop?”

“Red.”

“That’s right, now, this is how this is going to work,” Shepard straddled James, leaning forward to kiss him briefly, “I’m going to play with you, nothing outside of what you’re comfortable with, and when you get close, I want you to tell me.”

James nodded, “okay.”

Shepard reached out and ran a hand over James’ chest, using the tips of his fingers to trace the tattoos.

“You really like those, eh, Loco?”

“I used to have some, before,” Shepard’s fingers trailed to James’ nipple, gently pinching.

“Really? You going to get them back?”

“Yeah, some of them, I have some new ones designed,” Shepard leaned forward and took the nipple into his mouth and sucking.

James let out a hiss, arching slightly, “when are you getting them done?”

“Tomorrow, actually,” Shepard moved his attention to the other nipple, pulling it into his mouth and biting down.

“Ah fuck,” James rolled his hips, “who’s doing them?”

“Jack,” Shepard slid down slightly, kissing next to James’ belly button, “now shush, let me work.”

James did, relaxing into the bed and trying to figure out if there was any pattern to how Shepard was touching him, a lick here, a stroke there before long, James’ entire body was tingling.

“You know, this feels amazing Loco, but at this rate, it’s going to be hours before I’m ready to get off.”

“If you don’t stop back talking to me, I’m going to gag you.” Shepard bit down into the muscle of James’ pec hard enough to bruise, before licking the mark he left.

“Kinky.”

Suddenly, Shepard stopped. James counted five breathes before he rolled his hips and found Shepard wasn’t straddling him anymore. He counted another 10 breathes before quietly asking, “John?”

The answer came in the way of a lick at the tip of his dick, just a quick glancing lick, but James let out a moan at the contact.

“What are the rules?” Shepard had pitched his voice low and quiet.

“Red if I need you to stop.”

“And?”

“Tell you before I cum.”

“Good boy,” Shepard took James in his mouth with a similar pace to that as when they had been in the limo, James let out a started groan and thrust up into his mouth, trying to match the rhythm that he couldn’t see.

“Ah _fuck_,” James groaned, “I’m not going to last if you keep that up.”

Shepard just hummed around him, the vibrations causing James to let out a groan.

“John,” James wished he could be watching Shepard move, “you’re so good.”

Within a few minutes, James could feel the telltale pull in his stomach, his balls pulling close to his body, taking a deep breath he managed to gasp “_close_.”

And Shepard stopped, pulling off and leaving James’ gasping.

“Let me know when it eases off,” Shepard ran his hands over James’ thighs, stomach, and chest, following his hands with gentle kisses.

After a minute had passed, James nodded, “okay.”

It was Shepard’s hand his time, pumping him exactly how he liked, a small twist at the top of each stroke.

It took less time for James to feel himself approaching the edge, rolling his hips in time with Shepard’s hand, “close.”

Shepard stopped again, and James started to wonder what he was in for.

“How many times are you going to do this?”

“Until you learn some patience,” Shepard sounded like he was smiling, “maybe I’ll keep you tied to the bed all night and see how long you can last.”

That sounded wonderful and terrible, and James wasn’t sure if he wanted to beg for it or try and break the cuffs to pin Shepard to bed where they could grind together until they both came.

James took a deep breath, “okay, I’m good.”

At the first brush of Shepard’s hand, James felt his body jolt, his sensitivity in overdrive.

Shepard started again, and James felt his body surge at the contact, approaching orgasm at a rapid-fire rate. 

And it was going to be a _good_ one.

James could hear himself moaning with each pump of Shepard’s hand and could feel his orgasm just within reach before Shepard stopped.

“Now, Mr. Vega, you’re not playing by the rules,” Shepard bit into the muscle of James’ right thigh, “and you clearly forgot that I can read heart-rates from my ocular implants.”

“Come on, Loco, don’t torture me.”

“I have no intention of torturing you, James,“ Shepard pressed a soft kiss to the underside of James’ dick before reaching past him on the bed. Getting the lube, James figured.

“Loco, please.”

“You’ll come when I’m ready, not before,” Shepard sat between James’ legs, and he heard the bottle open, “now, ready?”

James took a breath and nodded.

***

_Twenty-five_, James counted in his head, twenty-five almost-amazing orgasms stopped by Shepard. James let out a sob, “please, John, let me cum.”

“Soon.”

James heard the lube open again and groaned, “I just want to cum, _please_.”

“Can I try something?” Shepard’s hands were drifting lower, a finger teasing the sensitive skin just behind his balls.

James nodded, “Yeah, go ahead.”

Shepard’s fingers moved lower still, and James felt his cock throb as a lubricated finger brushed over the tight ring of muscle Shepard found.

“Okay?” Shepard asked, teasing the sensitive area with a little bit of pressure, not hard enough to penetrate, but enough that James was gasping.

“Very okay,” James moaned as Shepard moved his finger in little circles, “that feels really good.”

“Good, can I start again?”

James nodded, and let out a shuddering breath as Shepard took him into his mouth, the forked tongue flicking over the hyper-sensitive head as Shepard’s finger teased him.

Within seconds James was pushing down, back, trying to get more pressure from where Shepard was teasing him. Moments later, he was on edge again, and as much as it killed him, he let out another moaned “_close.”_

“Do you want more?” Shepard pulled his hand back, and James heard another squeeze of the lube bottle.

“What do you mean more?”

“Do you want my finger inside of you?” Shepard’s hand was back, teasing him again with gentle brushes of his finger.

“I’ve never…” James gasped as Shepard increased the pressure slightly, “done that before.”

“I know, but would you like to try? We can stop if you don’t like it.”

“Yeah,” James pushed back against Shepard’s hand, the teasing feeling so good it was driving him crazy, “I want to try.”

“Okay,” Shepard shifted positions, “same rules apply, tell me when you get close, say red to stop.”

James nodded.

“Good to start again?”

“Yeah.”

James took a deep breath in as he felt Shepard lick his cock, a slow drag of his forked tongue from base toward the tip.

As Shepard took him in his mouth, James felt the pressure at his entrance increase, then give, as Shepard slid one finger inside of him.

James threw his head back against the bed and cursed, “_fuck”_ falling from his lips louder than he would have meant too, given that Kaidan and Steve were in the house.

Shepard pulled his mouth from James’ cock, “ready?”

James had no idea what he was meant to be ready for but nodded anyway. He felt Shepard curve his finger slightly and then let out a startled moan which could have been mistaken for a scream as Shepard brushed against something that had him seeing stars.

“_Dios Mio,”_ James panted as Shepard brushed against it again, “what are you doing?”

“That’s your prostate,” Shepard pushed against it harder, and James arched his back off of the bed, gasping and pulling against his restraints.

“Please, _please,_ let me cum, it feels so good,” James didn’t care he was begging, his cock was throbbing each time Shepard’s talented fingers pressed against that spot inside of him.

Shepard pulled his finger back, and James let out a frantic whine, “what are you doing? Don’t stop!”

“Shhh,” Shepard soothed, “I’m not stopping, I’m getting more lube, so it’s not uncomfortable.”

“Please, John, I need more,” James was writhing on the bed, a fine sheen of sweat over his body, “I’m so close.”

There were two fingers pressing against him now, and James pushed back against the pressure.

“Okay?”

“John,” James could hear the whine in his voice, “yes, for fuck sake, let me cum.”

Shepard pushed forward, and James felt more resistance than when it had been just one finger, but the stretch felt amazing.

“Christ, James, look at you,” Shepard kissed just beside James’ leaking cock, “you’re doing so well.”

“You gonna fuck me till I come, John?” James was grinding into the fingers inside of him, trying to roll his hips to catch the sensitive bundle of nerves Shepard had found inside of him.

“Not tonight,” Shepard curled both fingers, pressing into James’ prostate, “when you actually want it.”

“Oh, I want it, John,” James was trembling, each press of Shepard’s fingers bringing him closer to the edge, “I want it _so bad_.”

It was Shepard’s turn to moan, pressing another kiss into the soft skin of James’ stomach.

“Ready to cum?”

“_Yes_,” Bracing his feet on the bed, James lifted his weight up. Using his legs to rock his body back against Shepard’s finger, which brushed against his prostate with each downward thrust, sending lightning bolts of pleasure through James’ body.

“Okay,” Shepard took James’ cock into his mouth and sucked, and James felt himself almost come undone at the pressure.

“So close,” James kept his movement, up into Shepard’s mouth, back against Shepard’s fingers. A singular focus to finally fall over the edge.

There was a flash of blue, bright enough it crept in around James’ blindfold, and James felt his orgasm hit him like a flashbang grenade.

Biotics arched off of Shepard’s fingers, the pulsing energy pressing to the most sensitive parts of James' body, and he felt himself flood Shepard’s mouth as the most intense orgasm of his life washed over him. Clenching around Shepard’s fingers, James was faintly aware that he was moaning John’s name with each pulse of his cock.

For longer than James could have expected, Shepard worked him through it. Sucking gently and pressing against his prostate until he became hyper-sensitive at the contact.

James slowed, and then stopped the roll of his hips, settling back against the bed with Shepard’s fingers still inside of him.

“Take a deep breath in,” Shepard instructed, and James did, “and out.”

As James exhaled, he felt Shepard pull his fingers from his body, a moment later, his wrists were free, and Shepard’s strong hands were rubbing out the stiffness from the muscles in his arms.

“Lift,” Shepard placed a hand under James’ neck and pulled the blindfold off, dropping it off the edge of the bed.

James’ eye’s opened and took a minute to adjust to the low light room before he looked at Shepard with a small smile.

“Let’s get you in bed,” Shepard pulled James, so he was sitting and pulled back the covers, urging James to get into the bed.

“What about you?” James’ sounded drunk, his words slurring as he felt the need for sleep overwhelming him.

“I’m a big boy,” Shepard got into bed next to James and pulled him so his head rested against his chest, “I can manage a night.”

“You sure?”

“Positive,” Shepard placed s kiss against the top of James’ head, “was that okay?”

“So good,” James confirmed.

“Good.”

“Hey, John?”

“Yeah?”

“Any chance that Kaidan and Steve didn’t hear that?”

Shepard chuckled, “afraid not.”

“Fuck.”


	24. Getting Inked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James woke up before Shepard, finding himself spooned around the taller man whose even breathing told him Shepard was still sound asleep.

Placing a kiss against Shepard’s shoulder, he felt him shift slightly, taking James’ hand which was resting over his stomach and threading their fingers together.

“Morning,” Shepard’s voice was still low from sleep.

“Good morning,” James closed his eyes, “I’ve decided we’re going to stay like this all day.”

“That so?”

“Yep,” James kissed Shepard’s back again.

“How are you feeling?”

“What do you mean?”

“You tried a lot of new stuff last night,” Shepard rolled over, facing James, “so how are you feeling?”

James stretched, cracking his neck and arching his back, truthfully, he felt good, though maybe slightly embarrassed at how loud he had been, “I’m feeling good.”

“Good,” Shepard brought up his Omni-tool, “I have Jack coming over in about an hour, I should probably eat before sitting down for a day of getting tattooed. I need a shower too.”

“I was going to check out that arcade with Steve today, apparently Kaidan has some Spectre stuff to do,” James sat up slowly, kicking his feet over the side of the bed, “I just want to stay in bed.”

“The bed will be here tonight,” Shepard stood and walked over to the bathroom, turning on the shower, “want to join me?”

“Don’t I always?”

Shepard smiled at that, “come on, your robot boyfriend needs to get clean.”

“Hell yeah, he does, cause he was dirty last night,” James walked over to Shepard, relieved to find that he was, in fact, not sore from the previous nights' activities.

“I didn't hear any complaints,” Shepard stepped into the shower, “in fact you were asking me to take it further.”

“Hell yeah, I was,” James followed after Shepard, “why didn’t you go for it?”

“You never make a decision like that on the fly,” Shepard filled his hands with soap and started washing James' chest, “you always make sure that everyone is on the same page way ahead of time. A finger is one thing, a dick is something else. You never get to un-fuck someone if you decide later it wasn’t something you wanted.”

James considered Shepard’s words before agreeing, “yeah, I guess so. What do you normally do then?”

“Bring it up over dinner,” Shepard winked, and James flushed, “turn around, let me wash your back.”

James turned and crossed his arms against the wall of the shower, leaning his weight into it as Shepard ran soapy hands over his back, “I would have been up for it, though.”

“I think, at that stage if I had told you I was bringing Kaidan and Steve in to join me, you would have gone for it,” Shepard sounded pleased with himself.

“I think if I was any louder, they might have come up to make sure you weren’t torturing me,” James felt his face heat, “and I have to face them this morning.”

“Kaidan’s already gone, and he’s the one that would make a comment,” Shepard started to wash before being stopped by James, who took over, “besides, I know torture, and that was the good kind.”

“Very good, though I don’t think I could do it every night.”

“Well, I guess I need to come up with something new for tonight.”

The look on Shepard’s face told James he likely already had plans.

“You’re going to be sore tonight, Loco, I think you should let me take the reins.”

Shepard nodded, “true. Hey, have you heard from Emilio?”

“No, but I’ll message him in a minute,” James helped Shepard rinse off before turning off the water and grabbing them both a towel, “we should probably talk about that money, though, Loco.”

“I swear I’m going to put your name on my accounts just so you can see why I’m not worried about it,” Shepard walked into the bedroom, “James if I had nothing, no money at all, and still had you I’d be happy. Stop worrying, please.”

“That’s more than I earn in a year, Loco.”

“And it’s less than I make from one good deal with Liara, and sometimes I do five or six in a day,” Shepard pulled on a pair of boxers before grabbing his softest pair of N7 sweats, “I understand it’s a lot of money, but I will never spend money for you expecting to be paid back, ever.”

_Shepard pulled some strings, everything okay there? – JV_

_Well, they’ve placed a bunch of people around our perimeter, and they seem to be keeping the other gangs away. Did Shepard strike a deal with the bad guys? – EV_

_Shepard dropped 60,000 big ones to make them leave you alone. They’re meant to be running protection for a week – JV_

_Well, shit-EV_

“Well, you’ve made my uncle speechless,” James grabbed his cargo pants and pulled them on, “can’t say I’ve seen that before.”

“It worked?”

“For now, he said they’re hanging around the area, and they are keeping the other bad guys away,” James took the shirt Shepard had in his hands and pulled it on, sticking out his tongue, “you still gotta stop dropping credits on me, it makes me feel weird.”

Shepard pulled another shirt from the dresser and pulled it on, “okay, I’ll do my best.”

“I mean, at least let me pay for the next date,” James opened the bedroom door and walked down the stairs, Shepard close behind him, walking into the kitchen.

“You can take me on a date whenever you like, James.”

“It sounds like you owed him one after his performance last night,” Steve called from the couch.

“Jealous, Esteban?” James called from where he was hiding his flushed face in the fridge, pretending to look for the eggs which were right in front of him.

“Hell yes,” Steve laughed, “you two were at it for hours. If only I were young enough for that kind of endurance.”

Shepard leaned over James’ shoulder and passed him the eggs, “you’re adorable when you blush.”

“Shut up, Loco,” James grabbed for peppers and onions, “or I won’t make you breakfast.”

“Lover’s quarrel?” Steve turned off the TV and walked over to sit at the breakfast bar.

“Just talking about if we should limit the water consumption on the Normandy between the hours of midnight and four am,” Shepard turned on the coffee maker and smiled at Steve, “we all have to do our best to manage the resource consumption.”

“Kaidan will be heartbroken,” Steve laughed, “oh man, he’s going to kill me for letting that slip.”

***

James and Shepard sat at the breakfast bar finishing their coffees as Steve got dressed for their day out.

_James, I was wondering if I could ask you for a favour – KA_

_Sure thing, Major, what did you need? – JV_

_Can you keep Steve busy today? He was hoping to swing by the Spectre office around 1500, but I don’t actually have a meeting this afternoon – KA_

_Well that depends on what you’re actually doing, I’m not going to lie to my best friend – JV_

_I’m ring shopping – KA_

“Oh shit,” James turned his Omni-tool to show Shepard the messages.

“Called it,” Shepard was smiling, “that’s awesome.”

“You’re a romantic,” James nudged Shepard with his shoulder.

“I can’t even begin to tell you how badly I wanted to get married when I was younger,” Shepard drained his coffee cup before grabbing the dishes and bringing them to the sink. He may not cook, but he would always clean. “I used to dream of this big strong man coming and saving me, taking me away from the shit, my very own happily ever after.”

“Yeah? What did he look like?”

“Like you,” Shepard winked, “I have a type, for sure. Big, tattooed, tough, you name it.”

“Where was your happily ever after? Earth? Small farm out in the middle of nowhere?”

“Just a small house anywhere, hopefully without cockroaches.” Shepard washed the dishes, “maybe a dog.”

“Fuck yeah, a dog, you can’t have a house without a dog, but if you have a dog you have to have a yard.”

“I could deal with a yard, I’ve always wanted to learn how to garden. So, are you going to help K?”

“For sure,” James flipped a message back to Kaidan.

_How long do you need me to keep him busy for – JV_

_I’ll message you as soon as I’m done, I’m having something custom made, the appointment is at 1400- KA_

_No problem, Major – JV_

_I owe you -KA_

“Now I need to figure out what I’m going to do to keep him busy,” James pulled up his Omni-tool, looking for local events.

“The Turians are doing an air demonstration today, they sent me tickets if you want to use them?”

“That’s right up his alley, you sure you don’t want to go?”

Shepard shrugged, “if Jack weren’t coming over, I’d go. But I’m going to be busy all day.”

“Thanks, Loco.”

“Thanks for what?” Steve came around the corner.

“Loco got us some tickets to that Turian airshow thing today,” James stood up from the bar, “we got ourselves a bro-date.”

“Really? I hear they brought some prototypes with them.”

“Enjoy,” Shepard walked over to James and gave him a kiss, “bring me back something pretty.”

“You’re already something pretty,” James pulled Shepard back for a second kiss, “but I will bring you snacks.”

“I love you.”

***

James, to his credit, had managed a whole six hours before he gave in to the temptation to message Shepard.

_How’s the ink? - JV_

_Painful. How’s the show? – JS_

_Boring. Not my thing, but Steve is having a great time. I bought him a t-shirt. -JV_

_Heard from Kaidan? – JS_

_Yeah, he’s done, he’s headed to the Spectre office, so Steve doesn’t suspect anything and we’re picking him up in an hour – JV_

_Great, well I’m just at the house, so I’ll see you when you’re back – JS_

_Miss you – JV_

_Miss you, too – JS_

_Stop messaging Shepard, you’re making him move. He needs to keep his ass still unless you want me to fuck this up – S0_

_Who the fuck is this- JV?_

_Jack – dude, unless you want to fuck someone with an ugly tattoo, fuck off – S0_

_Why does your call sign say S0? – JV_

_Fuck you, that’s why – S0_

“James, look!” Steve pointed to one of the Turian ships as it flew overhead “if we could pull off that kind of emissions, even the Reapers wouldn’t see us coming.”

“It’s a cool looking ship,” James agreed, “I wonder if they’re selling models of it.”

“For Shepard?”

“I sure as shit don’t have the patience to build them,” James laughed, “that’s an old man thing.”

“Sure sounded like he had the patience for you last night,” Steve elbowed James, “I was impressed. Seems like my little talk helped out, eh?”

“We, uh, still haven’t gotten there yet,” James fought the urge to cross his arms over his chest defensively.

“No?” Steve wasn’t judging, just asking.

“No,” James sighed, “I would have gone for it last night, but he wants to talk about it beforehand. He’s also mentioned bottoming, but he’s thinking about it.”

“He’s so in love with you,” Steve smiled, “like _so_ in love with you.”

“Feeling is mutual. I really didn’t think that we would become such a _thing_ so fast, but…” James paused, “I don’t know, just feels right when he’s around.”

“Kaidan and I are moving fast if you think about it, he’s only been on the ship a little while,” Steve shrugged, “you know how you feel, James. Shepard is one of the best.”

“You got a crush on my man, Esteban?”

“Oh, I definitely have a crush on your man, Mr. Vega, as does Kaidan, Liara, Tali,” Steve started counting on his fingers, “Samantha, Garrus, and oh, I don’t know, the world.”

“Tell me about it,” James watched as the Turians did another fly-by, “a lot of competition.”

“No competition,” Steve pointed as the Turians started the final demonstration, “he’s so lost on you. I think we could all show up naked and he wouldn’t even notice.”

James applauded as the Turians finished their display and pointed to the gift store, “let’s see if they have anything for John, then we can go get your man.”

***

“You have a key, Vega?” Kaidan shuffled the bags of groceries in his arms, “I don’t have a hand free.”

James pressed his hand on the access panel, “I don’t know if John programmed me in or not.”

After a second, the panel turned green, and an automated voice spoke from a small speaker in the wall, “welcome home, James.”

“Aw, that’s cute,” Steve smiled.

“What does it say when you do it?”

“Welcome, Major Alenko,” Kaidan was smiling at Steve, and James got the impression they were communicating something that he was missing.

“So?”

“So,” Steve humoured him, “the difference is that Kaidan and I are guests, and you live here. Shepard had you programmed in like it’s _your_ house.”

“Yeah, he did that on the Normandy too,” James held the door open for Kaidan and Steve, “but we live together, so it makes sense.”

“He’s treating this as permanent,” Kaidan added quietly as they walked down the hall to the front door, “like you’re going to live here forever.”

“I am,” James opened the front door, the sound of loud music coming from inside the apartment filling the space, “until he’s sick of me.”

“Good luck with that,” Kaidan laughed, “once John makes up his mind, that’s it.”

“I’m good with that,” James followed Kaidan into the kitchen and stopped short.

Shepard was in the middle of the room, topless, on a massage table, where Jack was currently leaning over him, working on a large design in the center of his chest.

“Holy fuck, John, is that the Normandy?” Kaidan started pulling the groceries from the bag.

“It is,” Shepard confirmed, smiling at James as their eyes met.

“SR1, SR2, or SR3?”

“It’s badass, is what it is,” Jack dipped the needle for more ink, “and it’s almost done.”

James walked over and looked over the piece, it was detailed, abstract, and immediately recognizable as the Normandy, the front of the ship sitting at the base of Shepard’s neck with the body expanding down and across his chest, over his stomach, stopping about level with his hips.

“That’s sexy as hell,” James sat on the couch, so he was level with Shepard’s head, “I brought you a present.”

“Did you?” Shepard winced as Jack went over a sensitive area.

“I sure did,” James held up the box of the Turian ship model so Shepard could see it.

“That’s awesome,” Shepard waited for Jack to pause her tattooing before reaching out and taking the box from James, “Is this what they were flying today?”

“They were amazing Shepard,” Steve walked over and held out two take out cups to Shepard and James, “I owe you for those tickets.”

Kaidan mouthed _thank you_ from the kitchen and Shepard nodded, “I’m glad you enjoyed them.”

“Alright, Shepard, last little bit and you’re all done,” the ink Jack was dipping her needle into was clear, like water, “you going to shut up and take it?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Shepard passed the model and drink back to James.

“I need you to pull your pants down a bit, don’t get any stupid ideas,” Jack placed a finger a bit past Shepard’s hips, “see if you can get them to here without flashing me your shit.”

Shepard pushed his pants down to where Jack had indicated, without, as Jack had said, “flashing his shit,” though James could tell it was a near thing, the curve of Shepard’s ass visible from where he laid on the table.

“You’re drooling, Steve,” Kaidan called from the kitchen.

“It’s a nice view,” Steve flushed but didn’t look away, “you’re missing out.”

“I’ve seen him naked,” Kaidan shrugged, “it’s nothing new to me.”

“Wait –“ James interjected at the same time Steve asked, “when?”

“Shut up or get out,” Jack ran her finger over the sensitive skin of Shepard’s lower stomach, wiping a shiny substance over the surface before bringing the tattoo machine over and press it to the skin, seemingly shading something while leaving no colour behind.

“Might as well tell them,” Shepard brought a hand up to cover his face, wincing, “keep my mind off of it.”

“It was a mission,” Kaidan joined them in the living room, dropping on the couch beside Steve, “and the mako got knocked out, we had no heat, Shepard’s undersuit was ripped anyway.”

“And…?” Steve asked.

“The first rule of survival training is to cuddle together for warmth,” Kaidan shrugged, “we stripped down, grabbed foil blanket, and cuddled until Garrus managed to find us.”

“I wasn’t living up to my full potential,” Shepard added from the table, “it was cold.”

Steve laughed, “feeling defensive?”

“No,” Shepard let out a groan as Jack went over the same spot twice, “ah fuck, you’re a nasty bitch.”

“Shut up, Shepard, you love me.” Jack had a smile on her face but didn’t take her eyes off of what she was working on.

“I do love you,” Shepard twitched as the needles passed over his hip, “though right now, I can’t think of a single reason why.”

“Because I’m badass with a tattoo machine and even better with biotics.”

“Right, that’s it,” Shepard was fighting the urge to move, and James reached out and took his hand, rubbing a soothing thumb over the back of his knuckles.

“One more minute and you’re done.”

“You’re the boss,” Shepard closed his eyes and took a deep breath, it wasn’t missed by James that Kaidan and Steve both watched the way that Shepard’s muscles moved as he did so.

“And….” Jack did one final pass “done.”

Shepard sighed and relaxed back into the massage table as Jack started disposing of the needles.

“Looks good, John,” Kaidan stood over Shepard, “is that the new biotic ink?”

“Yeah,” Shepard jumped as Jack sprayed over the tattoo with a minty smelling liquid, “that’s cold.”

“Baby,” Jack wiped the liquid off with a paper towel, “you can check it out now. I should probably spray your back again anyway.”

“You got your back done too?” James offered a hand to help Shepard sit.

“Chest, back, neck,” Jack stretched, “sat like a champ through most of it.”

“I appreciate you coming out,” Shepard stood from the table, “Glyph, can you come here?”

Glyph flew into the room and hovered in front of Shepard, “what did you need Commander?”

“Turn on the screen and turn on your front camera, I’m going to use you as a mirror.”

“Of course.”

When Shepard turned, the collective gasp of Kaidan, Steve, and James filled the room.

They took in Shepard’s back piece, a realistic copy of the Normandy memorial wall, scaled down to fit the width of Shepard’s back, sitting from the top of his shoulders and fading just below the bottom of his shoulder blades.

Glyph’s camera flickered on, and Shepard looked up at the screen at the Normandy across his chest, “I think it was a good call to go a bit bigger.”

“It fits the space better,” Jack agreed, “and you don’t look like a wimp for getting a tiny tattoo.”

“Other side, Glyph,” Shepard watched the screen, his face neutral as Glyph took in a slow scan.

“What do you think?” Jack watched the screen.

“You did a great job.”

James couldn’t disagree, the detail was remarkable, and the tattoo had been left in a way that should more names need to be added, that it could be extended down his back.

“What are you going to do with all that space at the bottom of your back?” James placed his hand against the empty skin, careful to avoid the sensitive skin above it.

“I –“

“Cause it’s gonna look kinda dumb, empty down there,” James cut Shepard off, “it’s messing with the balance you have in the front.”

Shepard looked at James, trying to determine if he was being obtuse or hadn’t actually picked up on the plan for the piece, “what would you recommend?”

James hummed as he considered, “a mass relay? It could be a double meaning. The relay goes with the Normandy, with us going everywhere, and symbolic of the people listed moving on to something different?”

Shepard looked up at the screen, the empty spot on his back covered by James’ large hand.

“It doesn’t matter what you get done, I guess,” James moved to stand next to Shepard, looking up at the screen with him, keeping his hand on Shepard’s lower back, “but we aren’t adding any more names to the wall, so I would think about it, so you’re not embarrassed or whatever on the beach with an unfinished tattoo.”

Shepard turned to face James, reaching up to trace his jawline with his fingertips, “I really fucking love you, you know that?”

“I really love you too,” James let Shepard pull him into a kiss, the mood only broken by Jack’s loud declaration of “grosssss” filling the room.


	25. Enter N7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Stop making out, and let me spray you down and wrap you up,” Jack crossed her arms in front of her chest, “I mean, you’re both hot, so if you’re going to make out, you could at least get naked.”

“Seconded,” Steve raised a hand.

“I wouldn’t complain,” Kaidan added.

“Perverts,” James pulled back, smiling at Shepard, “let Jack take care of you.”

“That’s the plus side to being part robot,” Shepard pulled up his Omni-tool and flicked through the menu before turning his arm for James to see, indicating at a small button which looked like a medical first aid symbol, “press that.”

“Uh, okay,” James did, and the lights under Shepard’s skin brightened, only just noticeable in the bright room, and James watched as the redness around the area of the new tattoos calmed back to its usual tone.

After a few seconds, a quiet _ding_ sounded from Shepard’s Omni-tool, and the lights dimmed again.

“There,” Shepard ran a hand over his stomach, tracing the design of the new tattoo, “all healed.”

“You’re fucking kidding me,” Jack walked over to Shepard and ran her still-gloved hands over the piece on his back, “just like that?”

“Yep,” Shepard rolled his shoulders, “just like that.”

“So, if I blew your leg off?”

“I’d bleed out,” Shepard laughed, “it’s okay for small wounds, but I got shot the other day, and I needed surgery to fix it.”

“Cerberus was a bag of shit, but they had some cool tech,” Jack pulled off her gloves, “you going to show them the biotic part?”

Shepard’s eyes flared the brilliant blue they always did when his biotics were active, and James watched as the exhaust vents for the Normandy also lit up a bright blue.

“What?” James took a step back to take in the change, “that’s sick.”

Shepard tilted his chin up, a bright N7 now on display in the middle of his neck.

“Fuck, we match.”

Shepard let out a snort, “I had a real N7 tattoo way before we met, James. It used to be in the middle of my chest. I’ve been done the program longer than you’ve known about the program.”

Shepard turned, and James could see that the names on the memorial wall also lit up as Shepard’s biotics flared.

“Yeah, you need that mass relay with that ink, it’ll look sick,” James wrapped his arms around Shepard’s waist and rested his chin on Shepard’s shoulder, “you’ll be fighting fans off with a stick.”

“I should get something done with that stuff,” Kaidan looked over the equipment on the table, “my mom would never know.”

“You scared of your momma, Major?” Jack mocked, “husks are no problem, but your mom scares you?”.

“Every good Canadian boy is scared of their mother, Jack,” Kaidan smiled, not rising to the bait, “my mom is terrifying when she’s mad.”

“Well, Shepard’s kit is out, and I have more needles, what do you want? A pretty flower?”

“It’s your kit,” Shepard pulled his pants back over his hips, “I bought it for you.”

“What?” Jack looked over the machine, “why?”

“Because you’d like it,” Shepard shrugged, “and I figure if I buy you the kit, you can’t be a bitch if I ask you to come and tattoo me.”

“This shit is expensive, Shep.”

“Don’t get him started, he doesn’t even think about it. Just take it,” James waved a hand over the equipment on the table, “he likes doing the gifts thing.”

“Thanks,” Jack started tidying up, “maybe they’ll let me tattoo the kids.”

“If you start tattooing your students, I’ll deny ever giving you that machine,” Shepard pointed at Jack, “be smart about it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jack turned to James, “your question, why S0 as my call sign? That’s what Cerberus called me, Subject Zero.”

“That’s fucked,” James dropped on to the couch, pulling Shepard down beside him, “you’re not an experiment.”

“Cerberus likes to name their projects,” Shepard added, “I had one too.”

“What was yours?” Kaidan called over his shoulder as he walked to the kitchen.

“Lazarus Project,” Shepard smiled slightly, “apparently cost the Illusive Man somewhere between two to four billion credits to bring me back.”

Jack let out a low whistle, “that’s not a small chunk of change.”

“Keep in mind he also built the Normandy, which isn’t an inexpensive ship,” Shepard’s smile was bigger now, “and I stole her from under him too.”

“Hopefully you’ll put a bullet in his head before the end of this,” Jack folded the massage table, “I’m going to head out, I’m helping Rodriguez with her pull tonight.”

“Sure,” Shepard stood and took the table from Jack, “do you have a cab coming?”

“The school gave me a sky car,” Jack grabbed the rest of the kit, “I totally had it hot-rodded.”

“I’m sure you did. I’ll help you carry this out.” Shepard walked to the front door with Jack.

“See you, Major,” Jack waved, “and Major’s boyfriend.”

“Esteban,” James supplied.

“Whatever,” Jack shrugged, “see you later, Vega.”

“See you,” James joined Kaidan in the kitchen to help prepare dinner as Shepard helped Jack load her car.

“That’s some ink,” Steve sat at the breakfast bar and watched Kaidan and James as they worked, “give you something new to look at in bed.”

“He spends so much time spoiling me, I’m usually just trying to keep up,” James pointed to an onion on the chopping board, “want me to chop that?”

“Sure,” Kaidan grabbed a frying pan from the cabinet, “I have to admit, by the time you guys were finished last night. I was actually jealous.”

“I’m sure Steve will spoil you if you ask nicely,” Shepard wrapped an arm over Steve’s shoulder, who, despite his rich skin tone was obviously blushing at a shirtless Shepard touching him.

“I’m not sure I could even begin to guess what you two were up too,” Steve looked at Kaidan, who had an amused smirk on his face, “but I’m always willing to try.”

Shepard leaned over and whispered something in Steve’s ear, which caused his flush to darken.

“What are you saying to my man, John?” Kaidan glanced up from where he was sautéing the onions James had chopped.

“Just giving him some ideas,” Shepard winked, “if he can talk to my man about sex, I can talk to yours.”

“I think I liked you better when you weren’t having frequent sex,” Kaidan rolled his eyes, “now you’re going to give Steve all kinds of plans I won’t be able to keep up with.”

“You’ll manage,” Shepard grinned at James, “James did.”

“Yes, we heard,” Kaidan grabbed some ground beef from the fridge, “why don’t you go get dressed? Maybe my boyfriend will start looking at me again if you put a shirt on.”

“Sure,” an incoming _ding_ sounded from Shepard’s Omni-tool signalled a new message.

_Package secured, delivery ETA 5 hours – N7_

“Something important?”

“Just a friend grabbing something for me,” Shepard glanced at James, “how much longer ‘til dinner K?”

“An hour, at least.”

“Join me upstairs for a bit?” Shepard held out a hand to James, who took it immediately.

“Hell yeah, Loco,” James followed Shepard up the stairs.

“You kids keep it down,” Kaidan called from the kitchen, “some of us are trying to concentrate.”

***

Shepard shut the bedroom door, and James took a step toward him, “did you have plans, Loco?”

Shepard shook his head, “honestly, no, but it felt like a very long day without you around. I just wanted some time alone.”

James pulled off his shirt and took a step closer, tugging on Shepard’s waistband to bring their bodies flush, “I think I owe you for last night.”

“Trust me when I say that last night was just as good for me as it was for you,” Shepard wrapped his arms around James’ shoulders, “I don’t need to get off to enjoy myself.”

“It helps, though,” James took a step backward, blindly leading them toward the bed, “and it’s more fun when you join.”

“If you try and tell me you didn’t have fun last night, I won’t believe you.”

“Oh, I had fun,” James’ knees met the edge of the bed, and he sat, leaving Shepard standing in front of him, “everyone in the house knows that. I just want you to cum too.”

“Very honourable of you,” Shepard watched James’ hand as he traced the details of his new tattoo, “like it?”

“Very sexy,” James agreed, “still think you should have gotten my name or something.”

“I did get something for you; actually, it’s just really small,” Shepard’s biotics flared, and James’ looked over the piece.

“I don’t see it.”

“Right, there,” Shepard pointed just above his belly button where, if looked at carefully, a tiny heart could be made out in biotic ink, “where our cabin is.”

James was stunned and felt slightly emotional at the thought of Shepard marking his body permanently for him. With no words to express his feelings, James leaned forward and kissed the heart, resting his forehead against Shepard’s stomach to look at the tiny design.

“This is like, the _real_ thing, isn’t it?” James asked, unable to explain his meaning.

Thankfully, Shepard understood, “feels like it.”

“What happens when you find it? What do we do now? My uncle only ever talked about looking for love, not actually finding it.”

“Enjoy it,” Shepard brought his hands up, gently carding through James’ hair, “for as long as we have it. Try not to feel so bad that we didn’t have it sooner and be grateful for all the time we have.”

James looked up at Shepard, who was smiling down at him with a warmth that made his heart skip.

“You know, I’m kinda feeling like some cuddle time.”

“I could deal with that,” Shepard took a step back, kicking off his pants and climbing onto the bed naked, “you better be naked though.”

James pulled off his pants, ignoring the ever-present erection which seemed to appear whenever he was alone in a room with Shepard and slid into bed next to him.

“Want me to help with that?” Shepard offered as James turned him onto his side to spoon with him.

“I’m good,” James tucked an arm under his head, bringing the other to rest on Shepard’s hip, “I’m always hard around you anyway.”

Shepard rolled his hips back, brushing James’ erection with his ass, “not complaining.”

“Don’t do that,” James pressed forward against the friction, “we’re meant to be cuddling.”

“We are cuddling,” Shepard closed his eyes, and gave another small rock of his hips, “see?”

“You’re teasing me,” James pulled Shepard closer, holding his hip still.

“You hard-on between my ass cheeks is teasing me,” Shepard took a deep breath in, held it for a moment, and let it out slowly, clearly trying to reign himself in.

James let his hand trail lower, brushing over Shepard’s cock, which twitched at the attention.

“James,” Shepard sounded breathless, “please.”

James wrapped his hand around Shepard, pumping slowly, but it was enough to pull a whine from John.

“You need it bad, eh, Loco?” James kissed the side of Shepard’s neck, not speeding up, but thrusting gently against Shepard in time with his hand.

“Yes,” Shepard pulled back the sheet, a slight sheen of sweat forming at his brow, “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

“Doing what?”

“This,” Shepard moaned, “but with you inside of me.”

“Yeah?” James increased his pace slightly, the thought of being inside Shepard hitting him like a punch to the gut, “you want me to fuck you?”

“No,” Shepard’s biotics were flickering, “I want you to make love to me.”

James groaned into Shepard’s neck, embarrassingly close to cumming from the thought, “yeah, we can do that, just tell me when you want it.”

“Faster, _please_,” Shepard rolled his hips, pushing up into James’ hand and back against’ his cock.

James sped his hand, twisting at the tip the way Shepard liked, “tell me when you’re close,” James slowed his thrusting, trying to time it, so they found their peak together.

Shepard nodded, moaning as James bit into the muscle of his shoulder, his biotics sending a blue cast across the room.

“Like a little bit of pain, John?”

“I like you marking me,” Shepard was panting now, “I like everyone knowing I’m yours.”

“You are mine,” James sucked a mark onto Shepard’s shoulder, a place he knew would be hidden by Shepard’s uniform if required, “now everyone knows it.”

“_Close_,” Shepard pushed his biotics out, rolling over James’ body, pulling a moan from him.

“You gonna come with me, John? Let me cum all over you, so they know you’re mine?”

Shepard came with a low “_James, fuck,”_ and a roll of biotics which had James’ falling over the edge moments later, covering Shepard’s back.

James stayed wrapped around Shepard for a moment, waiting for Shepard’s biotics to calm down before chuckling softly.

“You’re kinda kinky, Loco,” James kissed the hickey he had left before rolling on his back to catch his breath.

“You have no idea,” Shepard carefully stood, trying to avoid making a mess, “I need a shower.”

“Can I join?”

“Always.”

***

Dinner had been delicious, eaten together on the couch while a movie played in the background. Kaidan had shared stories from brain-camp, Shepard had told tales of N7 training, and Steve and James had enjoyed spending the time listening to the stories of two soldiers who had seen more action than most of the Alliance combined.

The only thing that was wrong with the night was that Shepard kept checking his Omni-tool.

“Loco, that’s like the hundredth time you’ve looked at that thing,” James pointed at the glow from Shepard’s arm, “you got another boyfriend I need to be worried about?”

Shepard rolled his eyes, “oh yeah, because the very impressive dry spell I had before you goes to show how many men I’ve had lined up at my door.”

“To be fair, John, you’ve had plenty of people lined up at your door.” Kaidan pointed out from his couch, “in fact, I think all of us in this room have approached you.”

“I didn’t,” Steve shrugged, “I knew he would shoot me down, so I didn’t bother.”

“Wait, so you’ve asked Shepard out?” James asked Kaidan.

“Well, yeah,” Kaidan flushed slightly, “he let me down gently.”

“I told you the truth,” Shepard was still looking at his Omni-tool, “that I had feelings for someone else, and even if I didn’t, that I wouldn’t risk our friendship to a relationship.” Shepard glanced up at Kaidan, “and you fell in love with the man of your dreams, and I got mine, so it worked out.”

“Who did you have feelings for?”

Shepard gave James a _are you serious _look before he realized that he was, in fact, serious. “You, who else?”

“Oh,” James smiled, “well good then. But seriously, what’s with the Omni-tool?”

“Waiting for a delivery from a crew that really doesn’t like to wait,” Shepard checked again, “they should be here any second.”

As if on cue, the door chimed, and Glyph flew into the room, “Commander, there is a well-armed human female at the door asking for you.”

Shepard nodded, “stay here,” when James moved to stand, Shepard pushed him back down, “I mean it, she’s going to be pretty pissed at me.”

“Should I go get the guns?” the door chimed again, and Shepard looked up.

“No, just don’t get between us.”

“Okay…” James watched as Shepard walked from view to get the door.

It was Kaidan who paused, looked over his shoulder, and said, “what the fuck?” that started the commotion.

A ball of biotic blue energy blasted through the room, moving so quickly that James’ eyes had a hard time following it until it came to a stop against the wall of the living room. James could see Shepard with his back against the wall, a tall muscular woman holding a gun to his head.

“Hey,” James made to stand, before being held back by Kaidan.

The woman turned her head slightly, and Shepard spoke to her, “if you point a gun at any of them, I’m going to have to kill you.”

“You couldn’t kill me if you wanted too,” the woman’s attention was back on Shepard, “you’re not the real John Shepard. Shepard died years ago. You’re some cheap Cerberus knock-off.”

“You know, Dena, that’s not a nice way to greet an old friend,” Shepard seemed calm, but James could tell he was ready to spring into action.

“You’re not my friend,” Dena pushed the gun into Shepard’s temple, “my_ friend_ died years ago.”

“Dena, you're unreasonable,” Shepard rolled his eyes, looking far more casual than most people would be in his position. 

“Get that gun away from him,” James shouted from where Kaidan held him, loud enough that Dena pulled the gun from Shepard’s head and moved to point it at the couch.

James didn’t even see Shepard move.

In the time it took James to blink, Shepard was behind Dena, holding her in a headlock with her own gun now in his hand pointed to the side of her head.

“I told you, Dena,” Shepard tapped the gun gently against the side of her head, “don’t point a gun at them.”

“Let me go,” Dena struggled with no match for Shepard’s augmented strength.

To James’ surprise, after a moment, Shepard did.

“Dena, stop being a dick for five seconds and let me explain,” Shepard crossed his arms over his chest, still holding Dena’s gun, “you couldn’t beat me in hand to hand in N7, I don’t know why you think you’d be able to do it now I’ve been an active solider for years.”

“There is no way,” Dena shook her head, “no way that you can be alive. I went to your fucking funeral.”

“Wait, they had a funeral?” Shepard looked at Kaidan, “really?”

Kaidan nodded, “of course we did. You died, John, that much was true. Joker watched you. Regardless of your current status, for two years there, you were nothing but a memory.”

“Huh, was it big?”

“500 people showed up, they televised it,” Kaidan shrugged, “it sucked.”

“What did you even bury? Cerberus had my body.”

“A picture of the Normand SR1 crew. The one we took on your birthday where you sneezed as they took the picture.”

“Seriously?” Shepard let out a huff of laughter, “well, that’s something I guess.”

“You guys actually buy this?” Dena pointed to Shepard, “you really think that’s him?”

“Yeah, I do,” Kaidan leaned back into the couch, “I didn’t, not for a long time, but if you know John like I know John, it’s pretty easy to tell he’s the real thing.”

Dena looked over Shepard with a critical eye, “tell me something only you and I would know.”

Shepard considered for a moment before answering, “when I had my heartbroken, you came over to my place and took care of me for a week, even though you hate dealing with emotions.”

“Too general, a grey box could tell you that.”

“On like the fourth or fifth night, you decided to get me really drunk. You told me that alcohol was _the medicine made to cure all suffering_. Then, when we were _really_ drunk, you told me we should fuck. For some reason, you were convinced it would get me over the breakup.”

Dena’s posture had relaxed slightly, but she still watched Shepard with a cautious eye, “and then?”

“For some reason, I went with it.” Shepard let out a snort of laughter, “and we were both naked, and I couldn’t get it up, and you kept laughing, and I asked you, “why are we trying to do this, we’re both gay?” and for some reason it was like the funniest shit you’ve ever heard. You ended up laughing so hard you were crying.”

Dena was almost smiling, “then what did you say to me?”

“Don’t cry,” Shepard flipped on the safety of the gun and tossed it to the couch, “you’re ugly as fuck when you cry.”

Dena took a step forward, moving toward Shepard before pausing slightly, “do you think you’re the real Shepard?”

“I have no idea,” Shepard answered honestly, “I really don’t. I could just be a very good clone made by Cerberus. I might be Reaper tech. I do know that if I am just a copy of Shepard, that he loved you a hell of a lot.” Shepard shrugged before running his hand through his hair, “and I’m doing my best to do what I think he would have wanted.”

Dena let out a breath before closing the distance between them, wrapping her arms around Shepard in a tight hug, “you’re such an asshole.”

“Don’t cry,” Shepard repeated, “you’re fucking ugly when you cry,” despite his words, Shepard brought a hand up to run through the long fine braids of Dena’s hair, “I’m sorry, for what it’s worth.”

“We said we were going to go together,” Dena took a step back, cupping Shepard’s cheek, “you, me, Spike, and Doc, all together. It almost killed us to hear you got spaced.”

“Are they here?”

“Spike is, he has your package outside. He wanted me to make sure it was you. Doc died a couple of months after you, Collectors.” Dena wiped her face with the back of a sleeve.

“I destroyed the Collectors homeworld, so I guess it balances out,” Shepard wiped a rogue tear from Dena’s face, “can we get Spike in here? James is going to want to see that package.”

“He the loudmouth from the couch?” Dena looked over at James, “the mighty Commander Shepard finally found love again?”

“Yeah, he’s mine,” Shepard nodded, “and that’s Kaidan Alenko and Steve Cortez.”

“Nice to meet you,” Dena walked over to the couch and held out a hand, “Dena Wolfe, N7 special ops.”

Kaidan and Steve shook Dena’s hand, and James stood to take in the woman in front of him.

She was pretty, tall, muscular, skin darker than Steve’s with long braided hair. It wasn’t until he shook her hand that he noticed that her right arm was a prosthetic, and silver rather than the typical skin-coloured model.

“About that package, John,” Dena turned back to Shepard, “got a little damaged in pick up.”

“A little damaged, or a lot damaged?”

“Like, we should get it in here and deal with it, damaged. “

“Right, well, get Spike in here. No guns, please.”

“Someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on?” James was past the stage of speaking reasonably as he watched Dena walk from the apartment, “some random chick comes in and holds a gun to your head, you’re talking about some random package.”

Shepard offered a hand to James, who, after a moment, took it, “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like secrets, but I wasn’t sure if this would work, and I didn’t want to get your hopes up.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about?”

“Language, Jimmy.”

James froze, turning to face the bloodied, but alive, face of Emilio Vega.


	26. Please stop making me come up with chapter names

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Shepard,” a shorter man with long blond hair helped Emilio to a seat at the breakfast bar, “good to see you.”

“Spike,” Shepard walked over and shook Spike’s hand, “looking fit.”

“You just going to stand there, Jimmy, or are you going to introduce me to your friends?” Emilio’s face was tight with pain, but he managed a small smile at his nephew, who looked like a gentle breeze could knock him over.

“John?” James turned to Shepard, “you did this?”

“Why do you always ask that?” Shepard pulled two beers from the fridge and passed them to Dena and Spike, “it’s always me. If it’s trouble, it’s me, if it’s fun, it’s also me.”

Shepard walked over to Emilio, “John Shepard, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, Commander,” Emilio winced as he adjusted his right arm, “I would shake your hand, but my right arm is barely holding together.”

“Need to go to the hospital?”

“No!” James and Emilio answered at the same time.

Shepard looked at James with a raised eyebrow.

“Emilio doesn’t do hospitals, it’s a thing.”

“Okay,” Shepard turned to Emilio, “no hospital. Does it need medical care, though?”

Emilio nodded, “I don’t suppose you have a doctor here?”

“Afraid not. The doctor from the Normandy is working at the hospital; apparently, the doctor from our N7 squad died.” Shepard helped Emilio take off his jacket, taking in the blood-soaked bandage on Emilio’s forearm, “let me take a look. It’s been a long time since I had to do anything medical, but I should be able to put it back together if it’s not broken.”

“It’s not broken,” Spike added, “it’s a big cut though, almost from wrist to elbow. Deep too. Needs stitches.”

“I can do that,“ Shepard turned to the stairs, “I’ll be right back.”

“Are you just going to stand there, Jimmy? Your uncle doesn’t even get a hug anymore?”

James walked over to Emilio, turning his chair and pulling him into a hug, which Emilio returned with one arm.

“I can’t believe you’re here. How did Shepard get you?”

“He called in his one,” Dena answered.

“What does that mean?”

“When you graduate the N7 program, you get one credit. That credit lets you pull your old N7 crew to do one mission for you, no questions asked. Out of all the N7 crews, Shepard has held onto his “one” the longest. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t think it was actually Shepard.” Dena took a sip of her beer, “it’s a pretty big deal, once it’s gone, it’s gone.”

“John used it for me?”

“Why does that surprise you?” Kaidan joined them in the kitchen, “if he’ll die for his friends, imagine what he does for the one he loves.”

“What are you guys blabbing about?” Shepard came down the stairs holding an extensive medical kit.

“Explaining to your new lover boy about how we got Emilio here for you,” Spike started clearing the counter in front of Emilio without prompting.

“Ah,” Shepard looked at the bloody shirt Emilio was wearing, “do you think you can take that off, or do you need me to cut it off?”

“Just cut it. It’s just a shirt.”

“Alright,” Shepard pulled a pair of scissors from the first aid kit and started cutting away the fabric, “how old is the wound?”

“About six hours.”

“My old gang still bothering you?” Shepard pulled the cut shirt away.

“No, someone else. The red guys were trying to keep them back, but it didn’t work out so well.”

“Some protection detail,” Shepard frowned, “at least we got you out of there.”

Spike sprayed the counter down with a strong-smelling spray and laid out a large white medical pad, “good to go, Shep.”

“Thanks,” Shepard pulled one of the stools around the other side of the bar before walking to the kitchen sink to wash his hands.

“Do you actually know how to do this, Loco?”

“No idea,” Shepard scrubbed under his nails with a small brush, “my plan is to totally butcher the man who raised my boyfriend. Thought it would be funny.”

“We all get different training in N7,” Dena explained, “Shepard took _all_ of the courses, the first one to do it. He started training a year before we did and finished at the same time.”

Shepard pulled gloves from the first aid kit and slipped them on, taking a seat across from Emilio, “right, let's see what we’re working with.”

Emilio placed his arm over the sterile pad, letting Shepard pull away the bandage. As the wound came into view, James let out a shudder, “that looks awful.”

It was deep, past the stage of bleeding, and as Spike said, it travelled from the crease of Emilio’s elbow to an inch above his wrist.

“Knife wound?” Shepard gently touched the skin around the cut, causing Emilio to pull his arm back with a hiss.

“Yeah, pretty tender too.”

“Okay,” Shepard turned to the first aid kit, “Spike?”

Spike grabbed a small needle from the kit and passed it to Shepard without further instruction.

“Right,” Shepard pulled the cap off the needle, “this is just a local numbing solution. We’re doing stitches, and we’re doing them a lot of them, this should keep you comfortable.”

Emilio nodded, placing his arm back on the counter and looking away.

“Scared of needles?”

“I don’t like anything medical, not since my sister died. James’ mom.”

“I can understand that,” Shepard pressed the needle into the skin and Emilio squeezed his eyes shut, “I hate any time they have to knock me out for surgery. Freaks me right out.”

“Really?”

“Yep,” Shepard moved the needle slightly higher and pressed it in again, “I woke up halfway through my reconstruction. The last thing I remembered I was tossing Joker into a shuttle, Normandy was on fire, and then I was waking up in some weird hospital feeling like shit.”

“I can imagine that was pretty rough.”

“It’s not something I would like to replicate,” Shepard pulled the needle from Emilio’s arm and passed it to Spike.

“Wait, you’re done numbing it?”

“Sure am,” Shepard pressed against the skin, “your tattoo on your arm matches James’ neck?”

“We got them together,” Emilio didn’t look at his arm, instead turning to James, who was hovering over his shoulder.

“Well,” Shepard sat back, “I’ll try and line it up as best as I can. At least it’s clean.”

“Spike cleaned me up.”

“Good,” Shepard looked at James, “I need to borrow you for a minute.”

James walked over to Shepard, “what’s up?”

Shepard walked James through various menus on his Omni-tool before settling on a menu, which had a picture of multiple body parts.

“Press on the eye.”

James did, and a list of numbers appeared, “Which one?”

“What are my options?”

“5, 10, or 15.”

“Do 5, that should be fine.”

James pressed the button, and Dena took a quick step back with a “what the fuck?”

“Do they do something weird?” Shepard looked up at James, his usual blue eyes now a solid silver with an aperture that reminded James of old cameras.

“A bit,” James answered, trying to play off exactly how strange they looked, “look like robot eyes. They’re silver. What did I do?”

“Zoomed in my vision,” Shepard held a hand out to Spike who passed him two clamps and a stitching needle attached to a thread, “there are a lot of nerves leading to the hand, I don’t want to fuck it up.”

“You really know what you’re going here?” James watched as Shepard took the needle in the clamps, seeming just as comfortable with the needle as he did a gun.

“Yeah, I’m just not quick. Ready, Emilio?”

“Let’s get it over with.”

“Okay,” Shepard took a deep breath, “let's do this.”

***

“One more,” Shepard tied the last knot, cutting off the extra thread, “done. James, can you put my eyes back to normal? Need to check the work, and I can only see one stitch at a time.”

James went through the menus, turning to find the icon and setting Shepard’s eyes back to zero. With a blink, the normal blue eyes were back.

“Well fuck, that makes me feel really sick when they flip back,” Shepard wiped his forehead with on the back of his arm, “but that looks decent.”

It did.

Shepard had managed to line up the tattoo, and the large cut was now masked with dozens of small, neat, stitches holding the skin together.

Spike passed Shepard a tube of medi-gel that Shepard took and applied over the wound before wrapping Emilio’s arm in a clean bandage.

“All set,” Shepard started to tidy the counter as Emilio flexed his fingers, “give it a few days with the medi-gel, and I’ll take the stitches out. You shouldn’t have much more than a fine scar.”

“Well done, Commander.” Emilio dropped his arm onto his lap, “appreciated.”

“It’s no problem. You should have something to eat before your blood sugar crashes,” Shepard tossed the garbage away and closed up the first aid kit, “Spike, Dena, you guys hungry?”

“I’d eat,” Spike looked at Dena, “D?”

“Sure, if you don’t mind us hanging out for a bit.”

“Of course not.”

“I wouldn’t mind a shower,” Emilio looked at Shepard, “and some spare clothes if you have any. I didn’t have much time to pack a bag.”

“No problem, James can grab you some, and I’ll order you some food.”

“Come on,” James helped his uncle to his feet, “you can use our shower.”

***

James led Emilio upstairs and directed him into the master bedroom, walking into the bathroom and turning the shower on.

“Just a sec,” James walked from the bathroom to the dresser, grabbing Emilio some of Shepard’s clothes and bringing them back to his uncle, leaving them on the counter.

“You okay, Jimmy? I’m not saying I was expecting a tearful reunion, but you’ve been pretty quiet about the whole thing.”

“I think I’m in shock. I didn’t know Shepard was getting you out of there. I’ve spent the last few months worrying about you.” James leaned back against the counter. “He’s constantly doing all of these amazing things for me, man, I feel like I can’t keep up. How the hell am I ever meant to deserve a man like that?”

Emilio brought a reassuring had to James’ shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze, “you must give him something, Jimmy, or he wouldn’t do it.”

“Yeah, he would, that’s the problem. Shepard would give anyone the shirt off his back if they asked him too. He went to Benning to find out what happened to a total stranger's son because he was crying in the Presidium.”

“Let me shower, Jimmy, and we can sort this out. I’m just glad I got to see you again.”

“Me too,” James stood and walked from the room, “I’ll wait for you, in case you need help.”

Emilio, ever a military man, managed to shower without assistance and in record time, pulling on the shirt and pants James had given him. When he walked from the bathroom, he found James sitting on the edge of the bed, lost in his own thoughts.

“Jimmy?”

James startled, “Sorry, didn’t hear you.”

Emilio sat beside James, “I thought you were happy with your Commander?”

“I am,” James fell back against the bed, “he’s amazing.”

“So?”

“How long is it going to be before he gets sick of doing everything for me and figures he’s better off alone?”

“I can’t tell you that, Jimmy. I can tell you that any N7 using their one mission for someone else is a big deal and that he doesn’t seem to think it was any great loss using it on me. I don’t know Shepard, Jimmy, but it sure seems like you mean a hell of a lot to him. He’s gone to a lot of expense to save an old man that doesn’t mean anything to him.”

“Yeah,” James sighed, “but what am I meant to do to keep him around?”

_Food is here – JS_

“Come on,” James pulled himself from the bed, “Shepard says the food is here.”

“Jimmy,” Emilio stopped James just before he left the room, “just talk to him.”

***

“How’s the arm?” Shepard asked as James and Emilio walked into view.

“The numbing is wearing off, so right now it hurts like a bitch. I’m sure it’ll be better by tomorrow.” Emilio took a seat at the breakfast bar, James sitting beside him.

“Where did the Major and Esteban go?”

“To bed,” Shepard pulled a large bowl from a takeout bag and placed it in front of Emilio, “too much excitement for Kaidan. He needed a nap.”

“Ramen?” Emilio opened the lid of the container and smiled, “I haven’t had ramen in so long. I used to take Jimmy for it when he was little.”

“He mentioned,” Shepard grabbed a small bag an tossed it to James, “back when he was my guard, and he was trying to convince me to try it for the first time.”

James caught the bag and thought back to that conversation, it would have been one of the first things that James had ever told Shepard about himself. James was touched that Shepard had remembered.

Opening the bag, James laughed under his breath leaning to show Emilio the contents.

“James said he wouldn’t actually eat the ramen, and filled up on spring rolls,” Shepard took a seat across from them.

“You’re such a fucking suck, John,” Spike called from where he and Dena were eating in the living room.

“What’s that, Spike? You want to sleep in the car?”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t pick on the boyfriend,” Spike waved a dismissive hand.

“Why do I like you again?” Shepard took an offered spring roll.

“Cause I saved your father in law?”

“Right,” Shepard nodded, “that’s it.”

“If Spike saved Emilio, what did Dena do?” James asked around a mouth full of a spring roll.

“Spike didn’t do shit, he just says he did. I’m the one that shot the guy that was carving up Emilio,” Dena swatted Spike.

“I drove the shuttle,” Spike defended.

“Oh, fancy, Spike, the N7 drove a car,” Dena mocked, “glad all that extensive training taught you something.”

“We know Shepard can’t drive worth a shit. One of us had to learn during training.”

James let out a snort, and Shepard frowned at him, “you’re meant to be on my side.”

“I am on your side, and you drive like you’re drunk.”

Emilio let out a low chuckle, “Jimmy, you’re sitting in the room with three of the most dangerous people in the world, and you’re not the least bit nervous?”

“Uh, no?” James shrugged, helping himself to another spring roll.

“Did you ever tell Emilio?” Shepard pointed at his neck, and James caught his meaning.

“Oh shit, I guess those messages wouldn’t have gotten through.”

“Tell me what?”

“I’m joining the N7 program. Admiral Anderson nominated me.”

Emilio stared at James for a minute, “seriously?”

“Seriously,” James turned his chair and pulled up the back of his shirt, showing his uncle the tattoo.

“Jimmy, that’s amazing!” Emilio wrapped his good arm around James, “holy shit, my boy is an N7 recruit!”

“That he is,” Shepard smiled at James, “and it’s well deserved.”

James flushed under the attention.

“We’re going to head out, Shep.” Spike and Dena walked to the kitchen, “Dena found us a hotel room, and we don’t want to intrude on family time. We’re leaving at 0500 anyway.”

“What’s the next mission?”

“Don’t have one yet.”

Shepard pulled a small data-drive from his pocket, “do you want one?”

Dena and Spike looked at each other before nodding, “what is it?”

“This,” Shepard dropped the drive into Dena’s outstretched hand, “is all the information currently known on the 10th street reds. Up to and including all of their red sand deals.”

“What do you want us to do with this?” Spike took the drive and pulled it into his Omni-tool, reviewing the information.

“Wipe them out.”

“Loco?”

Shepard looked at James, “we might make deals with the bad guys, James, but we aren’t the bad guys.”

“Who do you want controlling the area?” Dena looked over the data as Spike flipped through it.

“Aria T’Loak,” Shepard leaned back in his chair, “her contact is in there. Just make sure the red sand is gone before you let her move in.”

“No problem,” Spike turned off his Omni-tool, “it’s been good seeing you again, Shep, even if you are mostly robot now.”

“You, too,” Shepard stood, “I’ll walk you out.”

“Good luck on your training, Vega,” Dena reached into her pocket, looking for something before holding her hand out to James, who took the small N7 patch she offered him, “from what John’s told us, you’ll do just fine.”

“Thanks for getting Emilio out of there.”

“Shepard did that,” Spike shook James’ and Emilio’s hand, “good luck.”

***

“I hope you don’t think I’m being rude, but I’m exhausted,” Emilio finished his drink and yawned, “do you have a couch I can sleep on?”

“We have a spare room,” Shepard stood, “I’ll show you where it is.”

“I don’t want to intrude,” Emilio began to protest.

“I think if anything, Emilio, my actions to get you here should go to show exactly how much we want you here. You’re not intruding,” Shepard offered Emilio a hand to help him to stand, “come on.”

“Whatever you say, Commander.”

“John,” Shepard led Emilio up the stairs.

“John,” Emilio repeated as he followed Shepard down the hall, James following behind, “I appreciate you getting me out of there. I wish I could have helped the squad, though.”

“Your squad is being moved tonight, to a warehouse I own, a couple of blocks from where they are now. It’s a more defensible position.”

“Oh,” Emilio looked over his shoulder at James, who shrugged.

“I spoke with Steven today about it, it was a stupid position to put you in, to begin with.”

“Steven?”

“Hackett,” Shepard clarified, “Admiral Hackett.”

Shepard gestured to the bedroom, “here you are.”

“Nice digs,” Emilio walked in and looked around, “you sure I’m not going to be bugging you guys if I stay here?”

“It’s no problem. Make yourself at home,” Shepard turned to James, “I’m headed to bed, see you there soon?”

“Just give me a few,” James nodded, “got to read him his bedtime story.”

“Take as long as you need,” Shepard inclined his head to Emilio, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight, John.”

Shepard walked from view, and after a moment, James heard the bedroom door closed behind him.

“That explains it,” Emilio tugged off his shirt and pulled back the sheets on the bed.

“Explains what?”

“He’s totally in love with you,” Emilio got into bed.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“All the favours, the things that you think he’s doing out of some sense of responsibility. He’s doing it because he loves you. I bet you that he doesn’t even realize that he’s doing it all.”

James sat at the edge of Emilio’s bed, “he tells me he loves me all the time.”

“Do you love him back?”

“Yeah,” James picked at the sheet of the bed.

“James,” Emilio nudged James with his knee, “do you really love him? Not like some passing thing, not just sex. I mean real love.”

“More than anything, which sounds stupid, because we’ve been together like two weeks.”

“Not stupid, love can creep up on you sometimes,” Emilio closed his eyes, “just keep being kind to each other, and everything will work out.”

“His idea of being kind is having you extracted from earth, what am I meant to do?”

“Whatever you can,” Emilio was nodding off, “Shepard seems like the kind of guy who would appreciate anything.”

“I’ll let you sleep,” James stood, “I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.”

“Eggs?”

“Sure,” James turned off the light as he left the room, “whatever you want.”

James walked down the hallway to the bedroom, quietly opening the door in case Shepard was sleeping.

“James?” Shepard called from the bathroom, where the door was open, and James could hear Shepard brushing his teeth.

“Yeah,” James started to strip, leaving his boxers on.

Shepard walked from the bathroom wearing a t-shirt and boxers, “Emilio all settled in?”

“Sound asleep,” James confirmed, “I’m just going to brush my teeth.”

“You okay?” Shepard stopped James as he walked by.

“Overwhelmed,” James answered, “but okay.”

“Alright, I’ll be waiting for you.”


	27. Shore leave - Family time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James walked out of the bathroom and paused, taking in the scene in front of him. Shepard was in bed, sitting against the headboard reading a datapad. His new tattoo now on display from where he had taken off his shirt and tossed it into the hamper. The tattoo that James knew had a small thing hidden, just for them.

For the first time in months, James realized he would be going to sleep without worrying about Emilio, who was just down the hall, safe thanks to Shepard. His best friend downstairs asleep in the arms of his new love, mostly recovered from the loss of his husband, also thanks to Shepard.

James felt his breath catch in his chest, and Shepard looked up from the datapad.

“James? You okay?”

James took a deep breath, trying to clear the sudden onset of emotion he wasn’t sure he knew how to deal with. It didn’t work, the breath coming out with a shudder.

“James?” Shepard walked over to him, resting his hands on James’ shoulders, “what’s wrong?”

James shook his head, unable to explain, and pulled Shepard into a crushing hug.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Shepard traced a pattern into the skin of James’ back, “they’re safe, they’re here.”

Of course, Shepard understood, he always did. James nodded into Shepard’s neck, not pulling away.

“Come on,” Shepard pulled back slightly, “bed.”

James let Shepard pull him toward the bed, settling down next to him when Shepard patted the bed.

Once Shepard was settled back, he held his arms open, and James curled around him, resting his head on Shepard’s shoulder and twisting their legs together.

“Thank you,” James’ voice was quiet.

“You’re welcome,” Shepard gave him a squeeze, “are you happy?”

James nodded.

“That’s all I wanted,” Shepard pressed a kiss to the top of James’ head.

“I love you,” James wasn’t sure what else to say.

“I love you too.”

“Thanks for patching up Emilio, I didn’t know you could do that.”

“I can do all kinds of neat things,” Shepard gently scratched James’ back, “I’m well trained.”

“Still, I appreciate it.”

“I know you appreciate the things I do for you, James, that’s why I do them.”

“I feel like I owe you.”

“You can fuck my brains out later, and we’ll call it even.”

“Deal.”

***

James woke up alone.

James _hated_ waking up alone.

Reaching for his Omni-tool, he found a message from Shepard.

_I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you, I was called in for a Spectre meeting. I have no idea how long I’ll be, but I’ll be thinking about you – JS_

James smiled and checked the time the message had been sent. It had been almost two hours.

_Hey, just woke up, any updates? – JV_

_Hopefully will be done by lunch – I miss you – JS_

_I miss you too – JV_

_You kept moaning in your sleep last night, made it very hard to leave – JS_

James had a good idea of why he had been moaning, remembering a distinct dream of making love to Shepard in the hot tub.

_Good dreams – JV_

_About? -JS_

_Aren’t you in a meeting? -JV_

_Just took a break for breakfast – JS_

_We were fucking in the hot tub – JV_

_Who was fucking who? – JS_

_I was fucking you – JV_

_Was it good? – JS_

_It always is when I think about it -JV_

_You know, you’d have to be gentle. You’re packing some heat- JS_

James chuckled, reaching down and gently stroking himself through his boxers.

_I know how it goes, Loco – JV_

_You sure? – JS_

_Very sure – JV_

_Let’s try it then – JS_

James froze, his mind in overdrive.

_Seriously? – JV_

_Seriously, but not in the hot tub – JS_

_You’d let me fuck you? -JV_

_Gently, and with a lot of preparation, yes – JS_

_Can you come home now?- JV_

_I wish, I’m hard under the desk I’m sitting at – JS_

_Me too – JV_

_Prove it – JS_

James pulled down his boxers, kicking them from his legs, pulling up the camera function of his Omni-tool. Taking his cock in his left hand James stroked it twice, taking a short video and sending it to Shepard.

_Keep going – JS_

_You want me to jerk off? – JV_

_No, I want to come home and have you fuck me until I can’t remember my name, but I’m stuck in this fucking meeting, so one of us should at least enjoy ourselves – JS_

_Can you sneak out for a call? -JV_

_Hang on – JS_

James started stroking himself slowly, closing his eyes and picturing Shepard’s hand instead of his own. Within minutes, James heard his comm-unit ring.

“John?”

“James,” Shepard sounded breathless, “do you have any idea how hard it is to sneak out of a meeting full of Spectre’s while hiding a hard-on?”

“Where are you know?”

“A bathroom,” James could hear Shepard’s zipper as he undid it, and the soft groan from Shepard as the pressure was relieved.

“Horny, Loco?”

“Very,” there was a pause, and a picture came through of Shepard’s hand around his cock.

“Are you on a couch?”

“Yeah, why?”

“What kind of bathroom has a couch?”

“The Spectre bathroom,” Shepard chuckled, “you wanted phone sex, and I have limited time. You’re interested in the couch?”

“I’m interested in fucking you,” James grabbed the lube, pouring a small amount into his hand.

“How would you do it?”

“I’d bring you up to our room, and kiss your entire body,” James groaned as the lubrication added a new level of sensation, “get you nice and relaxed.”

“Then what?”

“Use my fingers to open you up for me, slowly. I’d take my time until you were begging, torture you like you did with me the other night.”

Shepard moaned, “you’re going to have to be gentle, this body is a virgin.”

“That’s hot as hell, John,” James stroked slightly faster, bringing his other hand down to tease his balls and the sensitive skin behind them.

“You want to be my first?” Shepard was panting.

“I want to be your only,” James closed his eyes, picturing the scene, “I want to open you up and slide into you. Fuck into you slowly, make you watch me as I do it.”

“I’m going to ride you,” Shepard’s voice was distorted, his biotics throwing off the comm-unit.

“Yeah,” James twisted his hand around the head of his dick, the same way Shepard did when they were together, “you ride my cock and I’ll stroke you off. I want you to cum all over me.”

“I’m going to cum in a minute,” Shepard’s normally loud moans were being held back, and James clung to every gasp he could hear.

“_Fuck_,” James kept his eyes closed, holding onto the fantasy, “are you going to let me cum inside you?”

“_Yes_,” Shepard groaned quietly as he came, a moment of static in James’ ear as his biotics flared. James could see it in his mind’s eye, Shepard riding him with a bright blue glow as James came inside of him. It was enough to send James’ over the edge, covering his hand and stomach.

James let out a breath of relief, “better?”

“Much,” James could hear Shepard cleaning himself off, “except now I have to go back into the meeting looking like I just got off with a bunch of aliens that can smell pheromones.”

James snorted, “didn’t think that one through, Loco.”

“You sent me a video of you stroking your cock, I had exactly one thought in my mind when I saw that. None of it was Spectre shit.”

“Glad I could be a distraction.”

“You’re the best distraction,” Shepard sounded much more collected, “but I have to go.”

“I need a shower.”

“Can you do me a favour? Send a message out to the Normandy crew and see if they want to do lunch?”

“No problem,” James walked to the bathroom and turned the shower on “anywhere specific?”

“You pick,” Shepard unlocked the door, “let me know how it goes. I need to go.”

“I love you,” James pulled up the Normandy chat and sent out the message.

“I love you more, I’ll see you soon. Bring Emilio.”

“Okay, bye, John.”

“Bye, James.”

***

There was going to be a decent turnout, and James had found a nice sports bar that he figured most of the crew would like, could accommodate a larger group and could feed both Turians and humans.

James sat at the restaurant table, drumming his fingers impatiently.

“What’s eating you?” Emilio sat to James’ right and placed his hand over James’ anxious fingers.

“He misses Shepard,” Steve answered for him from where he sat across from Emilio, “he was like that before they got together. God forbid Shepard was too busy to inspect the battery, James would be testy all day.”

“Would not.”

“Would so,” Steve smiled, “that’s how Kaidan and I knew it wasn’t just a crush if Shepard didn’t have time for you it was worse than the Reapers. You’d stalk around the battery; swear at the guns you were fixing.”

“It was pretty obvious,” Tali agreed, “even to me who knows nothing about human dating culture.”

“And me,” Garrus chimed in.

“Fuck you guys,” James pouted, “there is nothing wrong with missing your boyfriend.”

“Never fear,” Steve pointed to the front door, “our men are here.”

James looked in the direction Steve had pointed, and his mouth dropped open. In place of Shepard’s usual N7 t-shirt, a soft grey long-sleeved shirt with a slight v-neck, both the top of his tattoo and the chain from his dog tags visible. The dark grey jeans Shepard wore were just the right level of tight, showing off the muscles of his legs.

Shepard had Kaidan’s arm tucked in his elbow, escorting the Major to the table while smiling at something Kaidan had said. Everyone stopped to look at them, and James suddenly wished that he had left his hickey a little higher, so everyone knew that Shepard was taken.

As it was, Shepard took care of the stares.

“Hey,” Shepard let go of Kaidan, who sat next to Steve at Shepard’s right hand, “have a good day?”

“Not bad, Loco, how was the meeting?”

“Boring,” Shepard sat at the head of the table and leaned to his left, grabbing James gently by his dog-tags and pulling him in for a brief kiss, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” James took Shepard’s hand and held it, keeping it on the top of the table.

“Emilio,” Shepard greeted, “how’s the arm?”

“Feeling a lot better,” Emilio twisted the arm slightly to show Shepard that his movement had improved, “it’ll be better when the stitches are out.”

“We can take a look at home, they might be able to come out tonight.”

“Appreciate it,” Emilio nodded, “quite a team you have here.”

“Excuse me,” a small voice came from Shepard’s right side. Shepard turned a saw a young human boy, no more than eight standing beside him.

“Yes?”

“Are you Commander Shepard?”

Shepard turned his chair to face the boy, “I am Commander Shepard,” Shepard held out his hand, and the young boy paused for a minute before shaking it, “what’s your name?”

“Lee Harrison,” Lee flushed, “you’re my dad’s hero.”

“Am I? Well, that’s always nice to hear,” Shepard looked up, “is he here?”

“Yeah, just over there. He didn’t want me to bug you,” Lee pointed to a middle-aged man sitting in a small booth who was watching him closely.

Shepard gave a wave, and James watched as Lee’s father stood, grabbing a cane from beside the table and walked over.

“Commander, I’m sorry, I asked him to leave you alone,” Lee’s dad looked down at him, “he knows I can’t chase after him.”

“It’s no problem,” Shepard stood and offered a hand, “John Shepard.”

“Lieutenant Sam Harrison, I’m a comms-op,” Sam shook Shepard’s hand, “I’ve been following your work with the Alliance for years. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Very nice to meet you and Lee as well. What brings you to the Citadel?”

“My leg,” Sam tapped the side of his leg with his cane, “or the lack of leg, as the case may be.”

“Dad had his leg cut off,” Lee chimed in, “he got hurt on a mission.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, are you healing well?”

“Could be better, could be worse. It’s the hospital bills that are killing me. We lost Lee’s mom about a year ago, the Collectors.” Sam paused, “well, me being on sick leave isn’t really cutting it.”

Shepard brought a hand Sam’s shoulder, “I’m sorry for your loss, that’s hard. A few of my crew have lost family members too.”

“Has anyone lost their mom?” Lee asked.

Shepard turned to Lee and picked him up, resting him on a hip, “not from the war, but I lost my mom when I was pretty young. So did James.”

“And now you’re the hero of the Citadel!”

Shepard laughed, “and now I’m the hero of the Citadel. I think you’ll be just fine, Lee. It just takes some time. Would you like to meet my crew?”

“We shouldn’t waste any more of your time, Commander, I appreciate you speaking with us.”

“It’s not a waste,” Shepard smiled at Sam, “really, let me introduce you.”

Sam paused for a moment before nodding, “as long as we’re not intruding on your lunch.”

“Haven’t even ordered yet, not to worry,” Shepard kept Lee on his hip and turned to Kaidan, “this is Major Kaidan Alenko, my right-hand man.”

“You’re the new Spectre, right?” Sam asked, “I saw you on the news.

“That’s right,” Kaidan stood and shook both Sam and Lee’s hand, “nice to meet you.”

“Beside him is Steve Cortez, who is the best shuttle pilot in the Alliance.” Steve gave a small wave, and Shepard continued around the table.

“This is-“

“Jeff Morreau,” Lee cut Shepard off, “the best pilot in the whole Alliance. I’ve read about you.”

“Yeah?” Joker stood and rustled Lee’s hair, “well, I’m glad they got their facts right.”

“You limp too,” Lee noticed as Joker turned to shake his dad’s hand.

“Yep, I have Vroliks, brittle bone disease.”

“And you can still fly! Dad, maybe you can still do the comms systems.”

“Sure he can,” Joker dropped back into his seat, “if the best pilot in the Alliance can break a rib sneezing, I don’t see any reason why a good comm-op can’t only have one leg.”

“Very true,” Shepard agreed, “next to him is EDI.”

James took a moment to appreciate that EDI had donned her infiltration colours, rather than her standard silver.

“EDI is Normandy operations; she ensures that the ship is running and lets me know if it has any issues.”

“Nice to meet you.” EDI gave a small nod.

“This is Grunt,” Lee hid in Shepard’s neck as the Krogan stood, “he’s my son.”

“Humans are little when they’re young,” Grunt stood, and Lee let out a startled squeak.

“Want to know something interesting about Krogans?”

Lee nodded, hiding against Shepard.

“When they disagree with you, they’ll headbutt you,” Shepard reached up and knocked against the crest of Grunt’s head, “and they have hard heads. Want to feel?”

Lee paused before reaching out a tentative hand, and Grunt leaned forward to let him touch his crest, “oh neat, it feels like a rock.” Lee gently knocked against the crest, “does it hurt?”

“It hurts humans,” Grunt answered, “it doesn’t hurt Krogan.”

“How do you have a Krogan for a son?” Sam asked, shaking Grunt’s hand.

“Shepard is my battle master,” Grunt replied.

“I have no idea what that means,” Sam chuckled.

“Dad,” Lee rolled his eyes, “battlemaster is a dad in Krogan.”

Grunt nodded, “yes.”

Shepard continued around the table, “this is Dr. Liara Tsoni, she’s an expert in Prothean technology. She’s one of the crew that’s been with me the longest.”

Liara smiled and stood, shaking Sam’s hand before turning to Lee, “it’s very nice to meet you.”

“I’ve only ever talked to one Asari before. Blue is my favourite colour,” Lee flushed, “sorry, was that rude?”

“Not at all,” Liara laughed, “it’s one of my favourite colours too.”

“This is Garrus Vakarian, who helped me take down Saren, and now spends most of his time calibrating the Thanex.”

Garrus stood and shook Sam’s hand, “nice to meet you.”

“Let me show you how to shake a Turians hand,” Shepard held his hand out, and Garrus took it, “this is a human handshake, which Garrus is pretty good with because he spends so much time on human ships. Turians do it differently.” Garrus reached down and took Shepard’s arm, grasping his forearm, and Shepard replicated the motion, “want to try?”

Lee nodded and reached his arm out, which Garrus took gently, watching his talons, “nice to meet you, Garrus.”

“And you, Lee. This is my bondmate, Tali Zorah Vas’ Normandy,” Garrus introduced Tali, who waved.

“You’re…Quarian?” Lee asked

“That’s right,” Tali confirmed, “I’m an Admiral, but right now, I’m working closely with Shepard.”

“I like your outfit,” Lee pointed to Tali’s hood, “it’s pretty.”

“Thank you,” Shepard could tell Tali was smiling, “it keeps me healthy.”

“Neat.”

“This is Emilio Vega, who’s visiting with us for a while. He’s also Alliance, and the uncle of James Vega, who’s next to him.”

“What does James do?”

“James is my arms master; he makes sure that my guns don’t break down. He fixes my armour, he’s the tank of the group and takes most of the fire during a gunfight,” Shepard considered, “he also deals with requisitions, assists Steve, and runs the exercise program on the Normandy. He’s really one of the people I depend on the most to get it all done.”

James stood to shake Lee’s hand, “nice to meet you, little man.”

“You’re big,” Lee looked over at Grunt, “you’re almost a wide as the Krogan.”

James smiled, “I work out.”

“Can you keep a secret?” Shepard whispered in Lee’s ear, who nodded eagerly, “James is also my boyfriend.”

Lee covered his mouth in shock, “wow! Are you guys going to get married?”

“I have to win the war first, but maybe after.” Shepard put Lee back on his feet, “there are more on the Normandy, but a lot of them are enjoying some vacation while the Normandy is being fixed.”

“Lee has had us down to the dock every day this week to watch them working on the Normandy, after my appointments,” Sam shifted his weight off of his bad leg and onto his cane, “it’s been some nice free entertainment.”

“I have something for you, Lee,” Shepard reached into his pocket and pulled out a pin, a pin which James recognized immediately, a small enamel Normandy with the words “Normandy Forever” surrounding it.

“Wow, this is for me?” Lee let Shepard attach the pin to his shirt.

“It sure is, and I’ll do you one better. I have to take the Normandy for a spin tomorrow, to see how it’s performing with the new shielding. Would you and your dad like to join us?”

“Commander, we couldn’t impose,” Sam protested.

“It’s not imposing, I’d be happy to take you both on a walk through.”

“I have an appointment at Huerta at 10,” Sam explained, “with the billing department.”

“So, we can make it 11:30?”

“Please, dad?” Lee tugged on Sam’s sleeve, “it’ll be so cool.”

Sam paused for a moment before agreeing, “okay, so long as Commander Shepard doesn’t mind.”

“It’s John,” Shepard smiled, “and I don’t mind. In fact, I insist. I can make it an order if that’s easier.”

Sam laughed at that, “no need.”

“Alright,” Shepard pulled up his Omni-tool, “here is my Alliance email, let me know if you run into any issues, if not I’ll see you and Lee tomorrow morning at the docks.”

“That’s great, John, thank you.” Sam looked at his table, “our lunch is here, Lee, and I’m sure that the Commander would like to spend some time with his crew. Let’s go.”

“Bye,” Lee hugged Shepard’s legs before bounding off to the table.

“Well, that was adorable,” Liara watched as Lee pointed his pin out to his dad, “you’re good with kids, Shepard.”

Shepard smiled sheepishly, “I had a bunch of those pins made, I like to give the kids something if they say hi.”

“Jimmy had one of those pins for years,” Emilio elbowed James, “he even took it with him to the Alliance basic training.”

“I still have it,” James flushed.

Shepard reached into his pocket and handed James another pin, “now you have one to hand out.”

Shepard dropped into his seat and pulled up his Omni-tool, “what’re you having, James, I haven’t even looked at the menu.”

“Nachos.”

“Perfect, can you order me some? I just have to make a quick call. Liara, can I borrow you for a minute?”

“Of course,” Liara followed Shepard into a small alcove.

“What’s he up too?” Emilio asked James.

“No idea, but I’m sure it’s something good.”

***

It was, as it turns out, something good.

Shepard and the crew were halfway through lunch when a startled sound came from the booth Sam was sitting in with Lee. James glanced over, and Shepard winked at Liara.

Sam stood, as quickly as he could with the cane, and made his way over to the table, “Commander…”

“Sam, nice to see you again.”

“I…don't know what to say…”

“What’s going on, Loco?”

“Shepard paid for his medical bills,” Liara answered from the other end of the table, “and paid into his medical fund for a better prosthetic and his remaining therapy.”

“Commander…”

“John,” Shepard stood.

“John, I can’t accept this from your crew,” Sam was shaking.

“Yes, you can, and you will.” Shepard wrapped an arm over Sam’s shoulder, “I grew up in poverty, Sam, and it sucks. We’re not going to let you struggle with something as silly as hospital bills while you have Lee if we can help you out. If you get a better prosthetic, it’s going to let you be active with your boy again.”

Sam pulled Shepard into a hug, “thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” Shepard took a step back, “now go and enjoy your time with your boy, and I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“I don’t know how I’ll repay you all for this.”

“You don’t need too. Just give Lee the best life you can.”

Sam nodded, “thank you again. Truly, this will change our lives.”

Shepard smiled at that, “well, go share the good news with your son.”

Sam patted Shepard on the shoulder and walked back to his table.

“Good man, John,” Emilio commented.

Shepard shrugged, “if you’re in a place to help someone, and you can do it, you should.”

“I don’t disagree, but that’s going above and beyond.”

“I’m just glad I’m in a position to do it,” Shepard took another bite of his lunch, “thanks to Liara.”

“I’m not taking credit for that,” Liara shook her head, “that was your idea.”

“You helped.”

“I got you in touch with the credit department what was managing his account, you paid for it.”

Shepard made a non-committal noise, “I had to put a name down when I paid it, so he thinks it’s from the crew.”

“Why did you do that?” James stole a chip from Shepard’s plate.

“Let’s face it, James, I didn’t grow up being a good person,” Shepard leaned back in his chair, “I grew up in a gang, selling drugs, being addicted to drugs, living on the street. I only do good things because I had a chance to spend time with good people. You all deserve credit for keeping me on the straight and narrow.”

“That’s the biggest load of bullshit, John,” Kaidan interjected, “you can be a good person and not pay off a stranger’s medical bills. That’s not us, it’s you.”

“Agree to disagree.”

“Whatever the reason,” Emilio looked over his shoulder, “you gave that family a fresh start.”


	28. First times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone, 
> 
> Thanks for the continuing support - I will be away a lot for the next few weeks, so you may find that there are less updates - so I thought I would leave you with two tonight. 
> 
> I am back in town first week of November, and then off for surgery. Hopefully during my recovery, I will have enough time to finish this story *gasp*
> 
> My thanks, as always, to alilypea for trying to make me sound smart in real life.  
Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“_Dios Mio_,” James groaned as the fourth person walked from their lunch table after trying, and failing, to get Shepard to go out with them.

Emilio chuckled, “the problems of dating a celebrity, Jimmy.”

“I need to fucking label him,” James waved at Shepard, who rolled his eyes, “everyone thinks he’s fair game.”

“He’s been single forever,” Kaidan pointed out, “really, he has been available, if not stubborn.”

“Though I have to admit, I did like your feature in the news this morning,” Liara pressed a few keys on her Omni-tool, sending the link to Shepard, and he pulled up a short article from the entertainment section of the news.

In the feature, which was discussing the restaurant they had attended on their date, was the picture of James and Shepard kissing on the small red carpet.

“Commander Shepard off the market, who is the mystery marine who captured his heart?” Shepard read from the article, “that’s funny. I like the picture, though.”

“We should get it framed for the house,” James agreed, “we look fine as hell in those suits.”

“Well, you certainly do,” Shepard took James’ hand and gave it a squeeze.

Over James’ shoulder, he heard two men speak not so softly, “Oh shit, they’re holding hands. I told you that was the guy.”

“Oh, for fuck sakes,” James threw his hands up in the air.

Shepard smiled, pausing for a minute before fishing his dog tags from under his shirt, undoing the chain and taking one from it. Shepard’s dog-tags were different than the standard Alliance issued tags, with a large N7 cut out from the body of them. Shepard held the tag in his hand for a minute before sliding it across the table to James.

“The closest thing to a label I have.”

James looked at the tag for a minute, the gesture feeling far more significant than just sharing a necklace, before taking it in his hands and undoing his own chain, pulling off one of his own tags and replacing it with Shepards.

Just like Shepard, he slid his tag across the table, and with much less hesitancy than James had shown, Shepard placed it on his own chain before tucking it back into his shirt.

“Was that like, a proposal?” Joker asked from the end of the table.

“Marriage comes after the war,” Shepard answered, “if James isn’t sick of me by then.”

“Why do you always say that?” Kaidan asked.

“Aside from the fact we’ve been official for like, a week?”

“Oh that’s bullshit, and you know it, you two have been in love forever,” Steve pointed out, “he’s been messaging me about you and your ass since _before_ we got in the Normandy.”

“Glad to hear he noticed my best assets,” Shepard winked at James, who flushed.

“But seriously, if marriage is where you’re headed, why wait?”

Shepard hesitated, and James felt his gut clench with nerves.

Shepard took a long drink before answering, “I’m exhausted, K. Just totally exhausted. I’m so sick of fighting this war. I haven’t stopped since Saren, aside from you know, dying. In the beginning, I just ran off of adrenaline. I fought because I had too, at first to prove myself, then to survive. Then, I had you guys, so I had friends to keep going for, people to keep safe. Then I died.”

Joker shifted in his chair, and Shepard pointed at him, “which I don’t regret, and it's not your fault. It just changed a lot of things for me.”

“None of this explains why you want to wait to marry James.” Kaidan prompted.

“When I came back, I started to appreciate the lost potential of lives cut short, I suppose. I had, very suddenly, lost all the potential I might have had for a future. What I might have done, or could have done, was gone in an instant. When I came back, you guys had all drifted apart, which I understand, but when we all came back together, I started to fight for your potential.”

“Like what?” the question came from Tali, who was listening with rapt interest.

“Like you getting back your homeworld, marrying Garrus, living with your head uncovered. Like Joker having a Normandy again, retiring as one of the best pilots in the Alliance. Kaidan finding someone special and popping out loads of babies in his little cottage in BC. And it worked, if we were all together or not, I could get us through the Collectors thinking that maybe I was giving you a life that you all deserve.”

“What changed?” the question came from Liara.

“I got tired, I got cold. I turned the Normandy over to the Alliance because it was the right thing to do, and I got pulled from duty,” Shepard ran a hand over his face, “and I had this awesome guy watching over me who I just fucking adored and he was, at the time, very straight. I ran out of steam just before I got back on the Normandy. Everyone had a future, but me.”

The mood around the table was sombre, but Shepard continued, “I keep fighting because that’s what I always do. I’ve accomplished a lot of what I had hoped for all of you. Quarians have their homeworld, the Geth are safe to rebuild it. Brokered an alliance with the Krogan and Turians, cured the genophage. Kaidan has Steve, Garrus has Tali, Joker has EDI, Liara has a Prothean.”

“But what did you have?” Joker asked.

“That’s just it, what did I have?” Shepard nodded, “I know that when this is over, you’ll move on to start your lives, which is what I’ve wanted. I hope that some of what I’ve done has helped to give you the best lives you can have, but I ran out of things to keep me going.”

“Until James,” Emilio added.

“Until James,” Shepard confirmed.

“Still not understanding why you’re waiting,” Kaidan interjected.

“Because knowing that I have to wait, until _after_ this is done, is about the only thing that stops me from taking the Normandy to the furthest planet I can find and just living the rest of my life with him in hiding.”

“That sounds like a decent idea, Loco, at least then I wouldn’t be fighting all these _pendejos_ off with a stick.”

Shepard smiled at James, “don’t tempt me, Vega.”

“We’ll get through this, John,” James squeezed Shepard’s hand, “then a big fancy wedding that the Alliance will pay for.”

“I better be invited,” Emilio punched James in the shoulder.

“We all better be invited,” Steve added, “we’ve had to watch your mutual pining.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Yes, it was,” came from a chorus of voices, the restaurant thrust into silence as the other patrons looked at the commotion.

Shepard looked at James, a small smile on his lips. James didn’t hesitate, leaning forward to kiss Shepard, damned the stares.

***

“Thank fuck,” James dropped onto the couch n the living room, “so glad to be home.”

Shepard smiled, “what have you been doing exactly that has been so exhausting?”

“Fending off your groupies.”

“Just be glad we’re on the Citadel, they’re worse on Omega.”

“Great,” James reached out as Shepard walked past the couch and pulled Shepard onto his lap, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him into an awkward hug.

“If you’re done cuddling with my boy, Shepard, can I get you to check over my arm? I’m meant to be having a meeting with C-Sec today, and I’d like to ditch the worst of the bandages if possible.”

“No problem, Emilio,” Shepard tried to pull free, but James held him tight, “seems like James doesn’t want to let go.”

“Jimmy, let John go,” Emilio called from the kitchen, “and come help.”

“No,” James called back, “you can’t make me.”

Shepard snorted, “really?”

“Considering this is shore leave, we haven’t had much time to just hang at home,” James pouted, “I want to spend time with you.”

“The stitches will take ten minutes, and then I’m all yours,” Shepard managed to extract himself from James’ grip, “Kaidan and Steve are out tonight, anyway. Kaidan got them a great deal on a hotel for the night. I think they want some alone time without us hearing.”

“I want some alone time,” James grumbled as he followed Shepard to where Emilio was sitting in the kitchen.

“And I don’t want to hear about your sex life, Jimmy,” Emilio pulled off his jacket and held out his bandaged arm to Shepard, “as it is, I have a late meeting with Commander Bailey, and then I’m staying with an old friend from training, so you’ll have plenty of alone time with your Commander.”

“Look at that, James, all the kids are out of the house tonight,” Shepard carefully unwrapped Emilio’s arm, “we’re empty nesters.”

“They grow up so fast,” James grabbed the first aid kit from where Shepard had left it the night before, “here, Loco.”

“It’s looking good,” Shepard took the kit before grabbing a small pair of scissors and a pair of tweezers.

“Damn, that is looking good,” James looked over the wound, which had mostly healed closed, with just a slight mark left from where it had been.

“Let’s get the stitches out, and it’ll feel back to normal,” Shepard sat next to Emilio, “did you want me to numb it, or are you okay like this?”

“I’m fine, thanks for asking though.”

Shepard had the stitches out in record time, and carefully rebandaged the arm, “if you leave this bandage on for another day, you should be fine to take it off the day after. I don’t think you’ll have much of a scar.”

“I think you missed your calling, John, that was damn fine work,” Emilio stood and stretched, “I’m going to get ready for my meeting, you boys going to stay in tonight?”

“Yeah,” James answered, “take out, a movie, and chill, just like when we’re on the Normandy.”

“Sounds nice, well, you kids have fun.”

“I’m going to grab a shower,” Shepard made his way for the stairs, “I’ll be back in ten.”

“Okay, Loco, I’m going to kick it down here.”

***

“James,” Shepard shook James’ shoulder, where he had fallen asleep on the couch, “wake up.”

“Huh?” James opened one eye, “what time is it?”

“Dinner time,” Shepard held up a takeout bag, “you’ve been asleep all afternoon.”

“Shit, Loco, why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Because you’re adorable when you sleep, and you were using my lap as a pillow, and when you’re sleeping, I can get my paperwork done.”

“I wanted to spend time with you,” James let Shepard help him to his feet.

“It’s only 1800, we still have lots of time,” Shepard walked to the kitchen, “I got us some salads, I hope you’re okay with that.”

“Fine,” James sat next Shepard and rested his head on his shoulder, considering for a moment before asking, “did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“What you said earlier?”

“What that you could fuck me?”

“No, well, yes, but I meant what you said at lunch that I keep you going?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard confirmed.

“On which point, that I keep you going, or that I can fuck you?”

“Both,” Shepard started eating, “but food first.”

“Wait, you mean tonight?”

Shepard shrugged, “why not?”

“I thought you said you needed prep, like lots of it?”

Shepard looked at James with a raised eyebrow, “You do know that gay men don’t spend days preparing for sex, right? I thought Steve explained how it worked.”

“He did…but I thought I would have some time to research it or something,” James poked at his salad with his fork, the sudden nerves in his stomach throwing off his appetite.

“You have time if you want,” Shepard took another bite of food, “it doesn’t have to be tonight, and it doesn’t have to be right after dinner.”

“Shit,” James shifted in his seat, “I thought you meant eventually, not now.”

“Doesn’t have to be now,” Shepard pointed at James with his fork, “but stop freaking yourself out about it. If anyone should be nervous, it’s the one with the virgin body.”

“I just want it to be good for you.”

“It will be, now eat,” Shepard gestured at James’ plate, “you’re making me nervous.”

“One more question,” James pulled his dog-tags out, “what did this mean? Are we engaged?”

“No,” Shepard shook his head, “I want a real engagement, something heartfelt, one knee, with a ring. I wouldn’t just give you a dog-tag.”

“So, what was it?”

“It’s a promise.”

“A promise…”

“That I’m yours for as long as you want me.”

***

Shepard settled back on the couch, relaxing with a glass of wine as James “checked something” on his Omni-tool.

“You know, I could help you with any questions you have,” Shepard pointed out, “I’ve topped plenty of times.”

“I don’t want you to have to walk me through it step by step,” James kept scrolling, “it ruins the romance.”

“But you reading an instruction book right now isn’t ruining the romance?” Shepard gave James a warm smile as he looked up frantic, “we’ll be fine, James. If I don’t like it, we can just switch.”

James considered for a minute, “I guess…”

“I mean switch what we’re doing, not switch places,” Shepard gave James a heated look, “but I wouldn’t be opposed.”

“Let me just read this article,” James went back to his reading, “then we can go upstairs.”

“Your seduction knows no bounds, Lieutenant.”

“Like you’re so good at it,” James tilted his head to the side as he took in a diagram.

Shepard placed his wine glass on the table before curling up next to James on the couch, resting a hand on James’ knee.

James scowled at the screen, “I don’t think you could even bend this way.”

“Let me see?” Shepard looked over the picture, “yeah, I can.”

“He’s bent in half.”

“His knees are bent, that’s not as bad of a stretch as it looks,” Shepard traced small circles with his thumb on the inside of James’ thigh, “regardless, the positions aren’t the issue, right? It’s the preparation.”

“Right,” James changed his search terms, “do I really need latex gloves?”

“Did I use gloves?”

“No, that’s true,” James kept reading, “this enema stuff sounds terrible.”

“Okay, that’s it,” Shepard pushed James’ Omni-tool out of the way and straddled James on the couch, bending to kiss him gently.

“I’m researching,” James protested.

“Everyone’s an expert on the extra-net, James. You have a real gay man on your lap who knows what he’s doing, I will help you.”

“John,” James tried to protest again as Shepard kissed the side of his neck, “I’m trying to make it good.”

“Then take me upstairs and make it good, James.”

“Let me check one more thing,” James flicked his Omni-tool on again, and Shepard groaned, getting up.

“I’m going to go upstairs and get naked. If you take too long, I’ll be done by the time you come up, and you’ll be out of luck,” Shepard peeled off his shirt and dropped it next to James on the couch.

“I’ll only be a minute,” James reached out for Shepard’s hand and missed as he walked toward the stairs un-doing his belt, leaving it over the banister.

“Take your time, by the time you’re up here I’m sure I’ll have the prep done,” Shepard undid his jean button and zipper, letting his pants start to drop over the curve of his ass as he walked up the stairs.

“Wait, what? You can do that yourself?”

“Come find out,” Shepard called from the second floor as he walked into the bedroom.

“Coming,” James managed to recover quickly as he tripped over his own feet as he took the stairs two at a time, “wait for me.”

James pulled the bedroom door open to see Shepard lighting the candles in the room, stripped down to his boxers. Taking a tentative step inside, James shut the door behind him.

“It’s not a trap, James,” Shepard took another candle from the dresser and lit it, “if you want to wait, we can wait. It just seemed like a good idea with no one in the house. We have more privacy than usual.”

“I don’t want to wait,” James’ voice was low, “I want you.”

“You have me,” Shepard finished lighting the candles and turned the bedroom lights off, leaving them only in candlelight, “us having sex won't change that.”

James closed the distance between them, running his hand from Shepard’s shoulder down so he could hold his hand, “I know, I’m just out of my element.”

Shepard pulled at the bottom of James’ shirt, pulling it over James’ head and dropping it on the floor, “you know what they say, practice makes perfect.”

“That’s so cheesy,” James stepped out of his pants as Shepard undid them, “did you really pull that line right now?”

“How’s this for a line,” Shepard pulled James’ flush against him, “I want you to lay me on that bed, open me up, and fuck me until I can’t see straight.”

“Much better,” James walked Shepard backward toward the bed, pushing him onto his back as his knees hit the bed and crawling over him, “you want to help me with this? What’s next?”

“Next, you kiss me,” Shepard was smiling, his relaxed demeanour calming James’ nerves.

James leaned forward, kissing Shepard softly, delighting in the quiet moan coming from Shepard as he lined up their hips and rocked. This was familiar, and James felt his nerves ease slightly.

Moving his attention to Shepard’s neck, he bit down on the muscle gently before sucking mark into the skin, this one definitely high enough to be seen over his shirts.

Pulling back to admire his work, James smiled, “they’ll know you’re mine now.”

Shepard reached down and tugged at the waistband of James’ boxers, “these need to come off, please.”

James stood for a moment, kicking off the offending garment as Shepard pulled off his own and moved to lay back on the bed, spreading his legs to give James’ room to settle between them.

“What now?” James reached out, running his hands over Shepard’s chest, before pinching a nipple.

“Now, you touch me,” Shepard closed his eyes and relaxed into the bed.

“Where?”

“Anywhere,” Shepard shrugged, “everywhere.”

James leaned forward, kissing Shepard as he reached for the lube on the bedside table. Opening the bottle, James put some in the palm of his hand before wrapping a hand around Shepard’s cock, stroking him.

“That’s nice,” Shepard bit his lower lip.

“Just getting started,” James lowered his hand slightly, remembering how Shepard had touched him the other night, gently stroking Shepard’s balls before moving to the sensitive skin behind them.

Shepard’s brow creased slightly, and James paused, “okay?”

“Just a new feeling,” Shepard opened his eyes and met James’ gaze, “don’t stop.”

With a nod, James moved his hand lower, his index finger finding the tight ring of Shepard’s entrance, brushing against it with a fingertip, “okay?”

“Yes,” Shepard’s eyes were closed again, his head against the pillow, his breathing steady enough that James could tell he was working on keeping it even.

“You sure?”

“I’ll tell you if I need to stop,” Shepard pushed back against the pressure before pausing, “more lube.”

James grabbed the bottle without hesitation, coating his fingers before resuming his teasing, pressing slightly harder.

“Start with one, slowly,” Shepard held his hips still as James found Shepard’s entrance and pressed, sliding his index finger inside of him to his middle knuckle.

James was prepared for a lot of things, but he was not ready for the moan that came from Shepard at the movement.

“More,” Shepard pushed back against the intrusion, “just stay slow.”

James pushed forward until his entire finger was inside Shepard, his heat wrapped around him. James looked down at his own erection and found himself wondering how he would make it fit if Shepard was this tight around a finger.

“How do I find that thing you were hitting in me in the other day?”

“Curl your finger, carefully, and pull out a bit,” Shepard’s body was tense with anticipation as James followed the instructions.

James figured he must have missed it the first few times, as there was a minimal reaction from Shepard until, on the fourth attempt, Shepard’s biotics lit up a brilliant blue and his back arched off the bed with a moan.

“There?” James asked as he pressed again, Shepard groaning and pushing back against the pressure.

“Yes, _fuck_, I forgot how good that felt.”

“I live to serve, Loco,” James leaned forward and kissed Shepard, still thrusting his finger against Shepard’s prostate.

“Okay, wait,” Shepard grabbed James’ wrist, and James froze.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No, but I’m getting close,” Shepard dropped his hand and grabbed the base of his dick, holding tightly. After a few seconds, Shepard nodded, “more lube, another finger.”

James followed the instruction, pushing two fingers as gently as he could manage into Shepard, who took them with a loan moan, slowly stroking his own cock.

“You’re beautiful,” James scissored his fingers, “I can’t wait to be inside of you.”

“Soon,” Shepard spread his legs further, “one more.”

“You sure you can take that?”

“If I can fit your dick, I can manage three fingers. Come on, Vega, or I’m going to cum without you.”

James chuckled, “impatient, much?”

“I’ve wanted to fuck you for months,” Shepard groaned as James slid in the third finger, “I can be impatient.”

Shepard held his hand out for the lube and James passed it to him, watching as he poured some in his hand and reached out to coat James’ cock with long strokes.

James closed his eyes and let Shepard tease him, fingers opening Shepard gently as he rocked into Shepard’s hand.

“Okay,” Shepard stopped James’ hand again, “I’m as ready I’m going to be,” Shepard moved to roll over, and James reached out to stop him, a firm hand on his hip.

“How am I going to know if I’m hurting you if I can’t see your face?”

“How do you want me then?”

“Want to go on top? You can control it.”

Shepard nodded and moved so James could lay back in the middle of the bed, straddling him. Grabbing James’ cock, Shepard lined him up before slowly lowering his weight, letting out a hiss as the head of James’ dick pushed inside of him.

“Okay?” James held his hips still, resting his hands on Shepard’s thighs.

Shepard nodded, lifting up slightly and dropping down further on James’ length, repeating the motion until eventually, he had taken all James had to offer.

“Holy fuck, you’re so tight,” James fought the urge to grind his hips into Shepard, “how’s it feeling.”

“Different,” Shepard leaned forward slightly, placing his hands on James’ chest, “clearly not bad.” Shepard gestured to his erection, resting heavily against James’ stomach.

“I know this is new to me, but when can I move?”

“Just give me a minute, right now it’s more stretch than pleasure, I’m just waiting for the burn to ease up,” Shepard took a deep breath, rocking forward slightly before moving back, testing the sensation.

“Whenever you’re ready,” James let his eyes roam over Shepard and did his best to save the image to his memory, Shepard’s eyes closed, the way his skin almost glowed in the flickering candlelight, the feeling of being one with him. James swore to all the gods he knew that there better be no issues on the Citadel tonight, because a Reaper could land in their living room, and he wasn’t going to stop.

“Okay,” Shepard pushed himself up onto his knees, bringing his body, so James almost pulled all the way out, before dropping back down.

“_Fuck_,” James held onto Shepard’s hips as he repeated the movement, “oh fuck, that feels good.”

“Just getting started, Lieutenant,” Shepard started an easy rhythm, rolling his hips in a way that had James panting.

James watched as Shepard rode him, hearing the moans falling from his own mouth as Shepard moved. James was so swept up in the sensation it took him longer than it should have to notice that Shepard was quiet, and his biotics hadn’t flickered.

“Hang on,” James stopped him.

“What?”

“You’re not enjoying this.”

“Uh, says who?” Shepard reached down and grasped his erection, smacking it against James’ stomach.

“You’re not moaning, and you aren’t blue,” James pushed Shepard’s hand away from his dick and took it in his hands, stroking him.

“It takes a lot of concentration to ride someone,” Shepard’s hips twitched as James pumped his cock, “and this is something that I don’t usually do, it’s just taking me a bit to get into it.”

“Mind if I drive for a bit?”

“Be my guest,” Shepard pulled off of James and dropped onto the bed next to him.

James stood and walked to the side of the bed, grabbing Shepard by the ankle and pulling him, so his ass sat at the edge and wrapping Shepard’s legs around his waist. Grabbing the lube, James coated himself again before gently pushing into Shepard, watching his face for any signs of discomfort.

“Okay?”

Shepard nodded, “just be gentle.”

“Always,” James leaned over Shepard, kissing him gently until he felt the tension start to leave his body. When Shepard let out a small moan, James pulled back slowly before wrapping an arm under Shepard’s back and thrusting back in.

The shocked, “_oh,”_ which fell from Shepard’s lips as well as the bright blue flash of Shepard’s biotics gave James the encouragement he needed, repeating the motion slightly harder until he fell into a rhythm with Shepard that had them both moaning.

Shepard reached between them, stroking himself in time with James’ thrusts, his head pushed back into the bed, a faint sheen of sweat on his brow.

“I’m not going to last much longer,” James leaned forward to suck a bruise into the side of Shepard’s neck, “you getting close?”

Shepard nodded, past the point of words as James tilted his hips to try and hit Shepard’s prostate with each thrust.

“Come on, John,” James was snapping his hips against Shepard now, trying to push him over the edge first.

Shepard’s orgasm seemed to take him by surprise, a low “_fuck, James_” falling from his lips as he clenched around James hard enough to pull him over the edge moments later. James pushing his hips tight against Shepard as he spilled inside of him, kissing his neck as he rode through the waves of pleasure. Shepard kept his legs wrapped around James, his hands tracing idle patterns over his back as James came down from his orgasm.

“That was damn good,” James kissed Shepard, “how are you feeling?”

“My back is starting to hurt,” Shepard shifted slightly, and James gently pulled out to let Shepard lay back onto the bed, dropping down next to him.

“What that okay?”

Shepard reached out for James’ hand, lacing their fingers together, “the best.”

“Can we do it again?”

“Nap first.”


	29. Commander Harrison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James woke up, curled around Shepard, their fingers linked together over Shepard’s stomach. James kept his eyes closed, remembering the night before, a warm ache settling in his chest as he placed a kiss against Shepard’s shoulder.

“Morning,” Shepard’s voice sounded alert like he had been awake for a while.

“You’re up early,” James kissed the back of Shepard’s neck, “everything okay?”

“Nightmare,” Shepard responded, “but when I realized I was here with you, I decided to stay in bed.”

“I’m glad you did, are you feeling okay after last night?”

“I feel _great_ after last night,” James could hear the smile in Shepard’s voice, “how are you feeling?”

“Like the luckiest guy in the world, and super in love, and all that other shit you see in those bad movies that Tali watches,” James opened his eyes, “and like I might be in some trouble when you see how marked up your neck is.”

Shepard shrugged, “I don’t care.”

“You’re really bruised,” James kissed over the marks and Shepard tilted his head to give him better access with a contented sigh, “if you start making noises like that, we’re going to have a second round.”

“Go for it.”

“What,” James looked down at Shepard who was smiling up at him, “seriously?”

Shepard rolled his hips, pushing his hips back against James, “I’m probably still ready to go from last night.”

“You’re not sore?”

“James, stop worrying and make love to me, please,” Shepard reached back and stroked James’ erection, changing the angle of his hips and positioning James.

James closed a hand over Shepard’s hip as he gently rocked into him. Shepard had been right, a mix of the excess lube and slow preparation had left Shepard relaxed and open, sliding in easily. James paused as he felt his hips flush with Shepard’s ass.

“Okay?” Shepard asked over his shoulder.

“Trying hard not to embarrass myself,” James took a deep breath, “you feel so good.”

Shepard hummed, a low pleased sound, “you do, too.”

James shifted his grip from Shepard’s hip to his cock, stroking him with slow, even strokes, giving himself a moment to let the heat in his veins calm.

Shepard moaned, reaching back to rest a hand on James’ hip, urging him to move, “come on.”

“It won’t last long if I start moving,” James pulled out an inch before pushing back in, “I’m hypersensitive right now.”

“Start moving,” Shepard rolled his hips, rocking back against James with the limited movement he had given their positions.

“John,” James moaned into the side of Shepard’s neck, “you’re driving me crazy.”

“You’re driving me crazy, not moving.”

“Okay, okay,” James pulled back, a slow roll of his hips, before sliding back into Shepard with a groan, pausing as he drove himself to the hilt before repeating the motion.

“That’s it,” Shepard squeezed James’ hip, “keep going.”

“Not stopping,” James rolled his hip again, tightening his grip around Shepard’s cock, using the force of his movement to encourage Shepard to thrust into his fist.

Shepard moaned, reaching a hand up to tangle in James’ hair, relaxing his body back into James and letting him control the pace which James kept slow and even.

“I’m going to keep you here all day,” James moaned into Shepard’s neck, biting down gently, “we’re not leaving this bed.”

“I’m all yours,” Shepard gasped.

“That’s right. All. Mine.” James punctuated his words with two sharp thrusts, which had Shepard’s biotics humming.

There were no more words said, none needed, as James worked on taking Shepard apart slowly. Never increasing the speed of his thrusts, moving as if they had the rest of their lives to spend in the bed.

James wished with everything he had that it was true.

James’ wasn’t sure how long it had been before Shepard started moaning with each thrust, his biotics surrounding them in a pleasurable hum.

“_James_,” Shepard saying his name, voice pitched low with lust undid him, James speeding up his thrusts.

James’ could feel himself approaching the edge, “John, _fuck_, almost.”

Shepard didn’t answer; he just nodded as his biotics filled the room. James took a minute to appreciate the fact that at this moment, he was surrounded entirely by Shepard, the biotics sweeping over his body, his cock inside of Shepard. In this space of their bedroom, in their home, there was nothing but Shepard.

James couldn’t hold back, he didn’t try to. The intimacy of the moment driving him over the edge as he drove himself to the hilt and spilled inside of Shepard, moaning his name.

“James, please,” Shepard reached down to grab James’ wrist, “please.”

“I got you,” James stroked Shepard, keeping the slower pace, “come on, John.”

It only took a minute before Shepard was falling apart, James working him through the orgasm as he groaned into the pillow.

“Holy fuck,” Shepard took a gasping breath, “that was good.”

“Very good,” James agreed, “but now we’re sticky.”

“Shower in a minute,” Shepard let out a hiss as James pulled out.

“Are you okay?”

“Sore,” Shepard admitted, “I’ll check the cybernetics after the shower and see if there is anything to help.”

“Shit, you’re that sore?”

“I haven’t had any sex in years,” Shepard rolled onto his back next to James, his face still flushed, “I haven’t bottomed in longer than that. I expect to be a bit sore after marathon sex.”

“Still,” James sat on the edge of the bed for a moment before walking to the bathroom and getting the water running, “I was hoping that I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“It doesn’t hurt,” Shepard joined James in the bathroom, “sore isn’t hurt. Stop worrying.”

“It’s my job to worry about you, while you worry about everyone else,” James pulled Shepard into a hug,

“Did you enjoy it?”

“Seriously?” James laughed, “of course I did.”

“Just making sure,” Shepard stepped into the shower and let out a groan as the water travelled over his body, “but I’m going to need a couple of days to recover.”

“No problem, Loco,” James joined Shepard, filling his hands with soap and washing Shepard’s back, “I have to admit it makes me a bit curious.”

“Does it?”

“Yeah, it sure looked like you enjoyed it.”

“As I said, it’s not that bottoming is bad, it’s that I prefer to top,” Shepard took the soap from James, washing James’ chest.

“So why did you want to do it?”

Shepard paused at that, his eyes meeting James’, “there’s a morbid answer to that question.”

“Okay, well, let’s hear it.”

“I wanted to have that kind of intimacy with you before it all goes to shit again. Just in case something happens. I don’t want to live this life with any regrets.”

“Basically, you wanted to have sex before one of us dies?”

“Yes,” Shepard confirmed, “I wanted to know you like _that_ before the Reapers get their hands on me.”

James just nodded, he didn’t love the answer, but he understood it, “no regrets?”

“No regrets, just a lot of cum and lube in places that are difficult to clean,” Shepard turned his back to the showerhead and smiled as James chuckled.

“I really did a number on your neck,” James pointed toward the mirror, and Shepard let out a bark of laughter as he took in the extensive bruising.

“Well, they’ll know I’m not single now,” Shepard turned his head, “but Kaidan is going to never let me live this down, and I have a call with Anderson today.”

“Oh fuck,” James looked panicked, “he’s going to kill me.”

“Nah, he’s seen me doing worse,” Shepard shrugged, “he found me in a drug den, remember?”

“Still, it’s something different when you know your kid is having sex,” James stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel.

“Jokes on you, James, we have your uncle staying with us.”

“_Shit,”_ James shouted from the bedroom as he tried to find any high-collared shirt that Shepard might own.

“Relax, James, I’m just fucking with you,” Shepard walked from the bathroom with a towel around his hips, scrolling through his Omni-tool. A few clicks later, the bruising on Shepard’s neck disappeared.

“At least Emilio won't know what I was up to last night,” James sighed, “but the vultures are going to be all over you again.”

Shepard dropped his towel in the hamper and walked into the closet with James, “you can leave a hickey, but maybe not in the morning when I’m taking a kid on the Normandy.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about Lee,” James pulled on his cargo pants, “can I come?”

“I guess you haven’t checked the Normandy chat this morning, I’ve asked everyone from the crew to come. EDI and Joker can’t make it, but most of them can,” Shepard pulled on his standard uniform, tucking their dog tags into his shirt.

“Then, who’s going to fly the ship?”

Shepard gave James a look, “me?”

“You can fly the Normandy?”

“I can fly any Alliance issued ship,” Shepard started for the stairs.

“How?”

“With the control panel, usually,” Shepard made his way into the kitchen and grabbed some cereal.

“You know, you’ve got back jokes, Loco.”

“What can I say, N7 trained me for everything but that.”

***

_Can I bring Emilio? He wants to see the Normandy – JV_

_Of course, you can – JS_

_I’ll meet you down there – I’m just picking him up – JV_

_Perfect – I’m just going over the retrofits before Lee, and Sam get here, he might want to see the ship, but he doesn’t want to actually go over the new shielding – JS_

_See you soon – JV_

_I miss you already – JS_

“You know, Jimmy, if you keep smiling at your Omni-tool people are going to think you’re watching porn,” Emilio walked over to where James was leaning against Shepard’s car.

“I was just talking to John,” James unlocked the car, “he said you’re good to come.”

“Kind of him,” Emilio sat in the passenger seat of the sky-car and looked around, “nice ride, Jimmy.”

“It’s John’s, I was going to get a cab, but he told me to take his,” James carefully pulled into traffic.

“He trusts you a hell of a lot. I wouldn’t let you drive my car.”

“If he trusts me to watch his back against Reapers, I’m pretty sure his car is no big deal,” James smiled, “but yeah, he trusts me.”

“You seem pretty happy with him. I didn’t think that you were into guys, but it seems to be good for you.”

“I didn’t think I was into guys,” James shrugged, feeling vaguely defensive, “but something about John…”

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any issues with it. I just wanted to make sure that he's good for you. Not pushing you into stuff you aren’t comfortable with.”

“John’s a perfect gentleman,” James turned the car toward the docking bay, “he’s very careful not to push me into anything.”

“So, is he it?”

“What do you mean?” James brought the car to a stop.

“Is this just a “blowing off steam during the war thing,” or is this an “I’m actually in love with him, and we’re going to get married thing”? I know Shepard seems pretty sold that this is a long-term thing, are you?”

“Oh yeah,” John opened the door and stepped out, “he’s it.”

Emilio just nodded, looking over to the Normandy, “that’s a big ship.”

“She’s home,” James spotted Shepard standing by some of the other crew and waved, “and she’s badass.”

“Looks like Shepard got the whole crew out,” Emilio followed James to D23, “Lee’s going to have a good time.”

“Hope so, Shepard seems really attached to him.”

“Emilio,” Shepard shook his hand, “how’s the arm?”

“Much better, Commander, thank you,” Emilio looked up at the Normandy, “impressive bird.”

“She’s amazing” Shepard confirmed, “we’ll give you the walkthrough, Lee should be here any minute, I sent a car over to the hospital to get them a few minutes ago.”

“You’re going to blow that kids mind,” Emilio looked over the crew, “not only does he get to go on the Normandy, but he also gets to hang out with the crew.”

“Oh, that’s not all,” Shepard smiled, “I have a few more surprises yet.”

“What are you up too, Loco?”

Shepard just winked and pointed at an incoming car, “It looks like they’re here. Everyone ready?”

“We got it, Shepard,” Kaidan stood next to Shepard, the rest of the crew falling in line beside him.

“Get in line, Vega, we have a new Commanding Officer on their way,” Shepard pointed to the end of the line, “Emilio, you stay with me.”

James did as requested and stood beside Samantha at the end of the line.

“Lee,” Shepard greeted warmly as the young boy bounded up to him, “Sam, how did it go this morning?”

“It went great, thanks to you,” Sam shook Shepard’s hand, “I appreciate you having us out.”

“Happy to do it,” Shepard dropped to a knee to look Lee in the eye, “now, I have a lot of work to do on the Normandy today. Are you ready to be my assistant?”

“Yeah!” Lee jumped in place.

“Great, well, that means you’re going to need a promotion,” Shepard reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of dog-tags, putting them over Lee’s neck, “welcome to the Alliance, Acting Commander Harrison.”

“Acting Commander?” Lee looked to his dad, “I’m a higher rank than you!”

“So you are,” Sam smiled at Lee, “you better listen to the Commander, Lee.”

“What’s the first thing that we need to do before we take the crew onto the ship?” Shepard pulled a datapad from his pocket.

“Inspect the crew?”

“That’s right,” Shepard passed the datapad to Lee, “start with Major Alenko, and we can work our way down.”

Kaidan stood at attention, saluting as Lee stood in front of him, much to the joy of Lee.

“Commander,” Kaidan fought to keep the smile from his face, “Major Alenko, reporting in.”

Lee turned to Shepard, “what do I do?”

“Just press the small box next to Kaidan’s name, and it will check him into the ship.”

Lee did, “now what?”

“Let’s keep going,” Shepard walked Lee down the line, helping him check those standing inline into the ship.

“You’re missing some,” Lee looked at the list.

Shepard took the list from Lee and checked it over, “EDI is already on the ship, and Joker is at his appointment today. I think we’ll be okay with a smaller crew, don’t you?”

Lee nodded, “can they go on the ship now?”

“On your order,” Shepard turned to Lee, who looked at him with confusion, leaning forward Shepard whispered in Lee’s ear.

“Oh, okay,” Lee stood in front of the crew, attempting to stand at attention before shouting, “crew, to your stations!”

With a salute, they turned for the Normandy, making their way inside.

“Lieutenant Vega,” Shepard called for James, who stopped, “with us, please.”

James walked over to Shepard and Lee, “Commander?”

“James is going to be taking over the Normandy when I retire,” Emilio looked at James, shocked, as Shepard continued, “do you mind if he stays with us to learn about pre-flight checks at the same time?”

“No,” Lee smiled at James, taking his hand, “I like him.”

“Me too,” Shepard waved at the dock workers, “give us fifteen minutes, we’ll page you when we’re ready.”

“Sure, Commander.”

“Ready?” Shepard looked to Lee, who looked like he may explode from excitement.

“Yeah!”

“Let’s go.”

***

Shepard had been fun, while keeping it informative enough that both Lee and James were learning about the procedures around getting a detailed tour around the ship, explaining the various details of the retrofits.

“This is our room,” Shepard opened the door to their quarters and stepped in, “which, as you can see, has also had some new additions.”

“You got us fish!” James walked over to the tanks, looking at the new fish floating inside, “I thought you said they weren’t great when you weren’t always on the ship?”

“I also got us an automatic fish feeder,” Shepard smiled as James and Lee both pressed their noses against the tank, ”they should be fine.”

“This is way better,” James smiled at Shepard, and Emilio laughed.

“Well, Lee, you’ve seen the ship top to bottom, only one thing left to do,” Shepard pointed to the datapad, “what’s left on your list?”

“A test flight,” Lee read from the screen before looking at Shepard, shocked, “what, really?”

“Yes, really,” Shepard gestured to the elevator and Lee ran in.

“Who’s going to fly the ship? Your pilot is away!”

“Me,” Shepard winked at James, “seems like no-one knows I can fly my own ship.”

“That’s impressive, Commander. Part of the N7 training?” Emilio asked.

“Yes,” Shepard confirmed, “I didn’t have to take the flight training, but it’s saved me more than once, so I’m glad I did it.”

“I want to do N7 training when I grow up,” Lee said to Sam, who smiled.

“Me too,” James agreed, “it sounds awesome.”

“It’s hard, very hard,” Shepard led the way through the CIC, “but very worth it.”

Shepard gestured to the bench lining the back wall of the cockpit, “if you all could buckle in, please,” Shepard dropped into Joker’s chair and pressed the communications button, “all crew prepare for departure, we’re only doing a quick flight, so you’ll be back for a late lunch. Report in when you’re ready to go.”

“Vakarian ready,” Garrus’ voice chimed over the comm-unit, “I hope you’re better at flying than you are at driving.”

“I’m ready,” Tali came next, “I’ll keep a read on the engines, see if the new shielding effects it.”

“We’re ready down here,” Kaidan’s voice followed Tali’s, “be careful, Shep, you’re making Steve sweat.”

“Everyone’s a critic,” Shepard pulled up a menu on the large screen in front of him, “alright, Lee, now I have to ask for permission to depart, so hang tight a second.”

Lee nodded and took a deep breath, “I’m excited.”

“Me too,” Sam wrapped an arm around Lee, “it’s been a long time since I’ve been on a ship.”

“Citadel Command, this is John Shepard requesting permission to depart docking bay D23.”

“Hello, Commander,” a female voice sounded over the speaker, “pleasant change from Flight Lieutenant Morreau. How long will you be gone for?”

“Approximately 15 minutes,” Shepard flicked a switch and James could feel the Normandy’s engine turn on, “just testing the retrofits and then we’ll be back.”

“Permission granted, Commander, have a safe flight.”

“Alright, everyone ready?”

“Let’s do this, Loco.”

“Right,” Shepard’s hands moved across the control panel with practiced ease, which almost matched that of Joker’s. “Landing gear up,” Shepard pressed another button, “gentle pull right,” James looked through the window and saw the Citadel moving, pointing it out to Lee, “and off we go.”

Lee pointed out various Citadel landmarks as they passed by them before letting out a low “whoa,” as they pulled out of the arms of the Citadel into open space.

“Hey EDI, can you feel that?” Shepard moved something on the control panel, “they didn’t fix that drift Joker was talking about.”

“No,” EDIs voice came over the intercom, “the shielding has increased the drift, slightly.”

“We’ll get that fixed,” Shepard pressed a few more buttons before calling over his shoulder, “come here, Lee.”

Lee unbuckled and walked over to Shepard, looking at the large control panel, “this is neat.”

“Want to fly her?”

“Really?”

Shepard helped Lee onto the chair, sitting on Shepard’s knee, “okay, so this is what we’re going to do, just a slow circle around the Citadel, but we need to watch for the other ships coming in.”

“I don’t know how to fly,” Lee looked at Shepard uncertainly, “I’ve never done it.”

“Everyone has a first time,” Shepard took Lee’s hands and brought them up to the controls, “and first times are usually scary, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.”

James shifted in his seat and Emilio raised an eyebrow at him. James shook his head in response.

After a brief explanation of Shepard, showing Lee how to make the Normandy move, Shepard dropped his hands and let Lee continue the flight, watching him closely.

“Dad, I’m flying the Normandy!” Lee called over his shoulder, “can you see?”

“I can see,” Sam took a few pictures, “pretty cool, huh?”

“So cool,” Lee agreed, “we’ve almost gone all the way around!”

“I just have one other thing to test, Lee, and I’ll have to do that, but you can stay here because the view will be better,” Shepard took over the controls and flipped the com-switch, “get ready to engage FTL drives, Tali, is everything looking good?”

“We’re using marginally more power, but we can probably divert that extra energy from the Thanix.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Garrus replied, “we need the Thanix.”

“Stop bickering, we can just stop the hot water running from midnight to four am, that should balance it out.”

“Some of us like to shower at night, Commander,” Steve called over the comms; in the background, James could hear Kaidan swearing.

“Well, I couldn’t affect morale that way,” Shepard agreed, “maybe we can drop that shield to the communications room at night.”

“That would probably be enough, or we could at least shorten the scan,” Tali agreed, “it takes forever.”

“EDI, can you take a look at it?”

“Of course,” EDI confirmed.

“Right, engaging FTL drives,” Shepard pressed the button, and Lee let out a shout as the stars stretched into lines as they shot from the Citadel to the nearest mass relay.

“Can we do a mass relay jump?” Lee asked Shepard.

“Not today,” Shepard pulled the Normandy in a circle and faced it back toward the Citadel, “but you can fly it back.”

“Nice,” Lee took over the controls and Shepard leaned back in the chair, offering small pointers as they worked their way back to the station.

“Welcome back, Normandy,” Citadel command called in, “docking bay d23 is ready for you.”

“Thank you,” Shepard took over the controls, “let me land her, she’s a little heavy, and it is very easy to drop her down hard.”

“Okay,” Lee waited as Shepard drifted back into the parking space and carefully lowered the Normandy, pressing down with a landing as gentle as any ride James had taken with Joker.

A few flicks of the switches later, the engine shut off, and Lee ran over to his dad, “Dad, did you see?”

“Great job, kiddo,” Sam unbuckled his seat belt and stretched out his prosthetic leg, “you should thank the Commander.”

“Thank you,” Lee flung himself at Shepard, hugging his legs as Shepard stood.

“You’re so welcome,” Shepard hugged Lee back, “you did a great job. What do you say we let the crew out for lunch?”

“Sure!”

Shepard pointed at the comm-unit, “go for it.”

“Crew of the Normandy,” Lee took a deep breath, trying to sound official, “you’re, uh, free to go have lunch.”

James could hear a series of cheers from the various areas of the ship, “man, I’m starving.”

“Me too,” Shepard unlocked the loading door and walking out into the synthetic light of the Normandy, “I just need to report the drift to the techs, and we can go out for lunch.”

“I had so much fun,” Lee waved at the crew as they left, “I wish I could do it every day.”

“Enlist when you’re older, and maybe you can,” Sam pat Lee on the shoulder, “thank you again, Commander, you’ve made a world of difference to our family.”

“I’m glad,” Shepard shook Sam’s hand, “we’re still here for a few days, or until the drift is fixed at least. If you need anything, please let me know.”

“Will do, thank you, Commander,” Sam guided Lee to the waiting sky-cab, waving as they pull from view.

“You’re such a suck, Loco,” James looked around before deciding that the present company was friendly and pulled Shepard into a hug.

“Maybe,” Shepard pressed a kiss to the side of James’ neck, “but I’m a hungry suck.”

“Lunch?” Kaidan asked from where he emerged from the Normandy with Steve in tow, “my treat?”

“You’re on, Major.”


	30. Wanting to try something new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

Kaidan had found a charming bistro, tucked into a corner of the Citadel where James hadn’t spent much time. The atmosphere was casual, and the waitress extremely grateful to have five hungry and paying customers. To her credit, she had also directed them into a private room off the side of the restaurant, so James didn’t need to worry about the other patrons approaching Shepard.

“I can’t pronounce half of this stuff,” Shepard flipped through the menu, “how am I meant to know what to eat if I don’t know what it is?”

“Have you ever eaten anything you didn’t like?” Kaidan asked, “I’ve seen you eat energy bars four months out of date.”

Shepard thought for a moment, “guess not.”

“Then just pick something,” Kaidan shrugged, “you’re going to like it all, it’s Indian food, it’s spicy and flavorful.”

Shepard smiled at the waitress as she walked over to the table, ready to take their order.

“What would you recommend?”

James watched as Shepard listened to the woman with rapt interest, nodding as she explained the differences between each dish. Shepard had a quality, James mused, of making whoever he was speaking with feel like they were the only person who mattered.

“I tell you what,” Shepard passed the menu back to the waitress, “I’ll let you pick.”

“Commander,” she protested, “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“It sounds like you certainly would…what was your name?”

“Raina.”

“Raina,” Shepard smiled again, “it sounds like you know the menu inside and out, I’m sure you will pick something amazing. Regardless, as the Major so kindly informed me, I’m a human garbage disposal, so I’ll pretty much eat whatever you pick.”

“Alright, Commander,” Raina pressed a few buttons on her Omni-tool, “what’s everyone else having?”

“I’ll do the same as John,” James leaned back in his chair, “everything you described sounds good.”

“Me too,” Emilio agreed.

“Let’s just make it easy for you, Raina,” Kaidan took Steve’s menu and passed it to her, “five Raina specials.”

Raina gave a nervous smile before nodding and walking from the room.

“What are the plans for the rest of the day?” Kaidan wrapped an arm over Steve.

“Joker wants to come over later, party planning, and I have a call with Anderson tonight.”

“Why do you call him Anderson? Why don’t you call him Dad?” James asked.

“I do call him Dad when we’re not dealing with work. When it’s Alliance stuff, he’s Anderson,” Shepard smirked, “I also call Admiral Hackett “Uncle Steve.””

“You don’t,” Kaidan laughed, “no way would he let you.”

“Sure he does, I can also tell you that he makes the best pumpkin pie in the world, and his wife was amazing.”

“Huh, never would have guessed it.”

“I have a very cool adopted family,” Shepard pulled up a picture on his Omni-tool, showing the table.

“Holy shit, is that you?” James pointed at a young, skinny, awkward-looking teenager, who, upon review, could pass as Shepard. He was still tall, standing three or four inches above the younger Admiral Anderson in the picture, but the young Shepard was very slender, maybe 150 lbs soaking wet. Also, a stark contrast to the Shepard currently sitting beside him was the long hair, which stopped almost at the waist of his pants.

“Yep,” Shepard pointed at the people in the picture, “Anderson, Hackett, Hackett’s wife, and me.”

“How old are you there?” Emilio asked.

“My 18th birthday, I had been with Anderson for a couple months by that point.”

“Didn’t he feed you?” Kaidan pointed at the picture, “I can see the ribs in the top of your chest.”

“Oh man, I had gained like 25 pounds by that point. Anderson used to joke he was going to go broke feeding me,” Shepard scrolled through some more pictures before pulling up another. This picture showed Shepard on a hospital bed, a leg wrapped in gauze with Anderson sitting on the bed next to him. Neither Shepard or Anderson were smiling, and Shepard had a gaunt face, bags under his eyes, and a large cut over his cheekbone, “this is how he found me.”

“Damn,” Steve looked at Shepard and back to the picture, “you looked rough.”

“This was our first family picture, I was probably sixteen hours into a hard detox, and I had been homeless for five years,” Shepard flipped through more pictures, “it’s hard to get a good nights sleep when you can’t relax anywhere.”

“You’ve done well for yourself, Commander,” Emilio commented, “most people in your situation wouldn’t have made it so far.”

“I was given a lot of opportunities,” Shepard agreed, showing another picture.

He was healthier in this picture, though still underweight, and the long hair from the previous images has been shaven off to a close crop. In the photo, Shepard was saluting Anderson, who was handing him his dog tags.

“Basic graduation?”

“Yep,” Shepard scrolled again, “and here is N7 graduation.”

Shepard was much more filled out in the picture, a thick muscular arm wrapped around Dena, who flipped off the camera.

“You age like a fine wine, Loco,” James reached over to flick through the pictures before one caught his eye.

Shepard standing next to another man, a good-looking man, James mused. Their body language in the picture showed a familiarity, Shepard’s hand on the other man's hip, holding their bodies close together, the man giving a thumbs up to the camera. From the look on Shepard’s face in the picture, James could tell this was _the ex_.

“Ugh, I thought I got rid of all the pictures of him,” Shepard rolled his eyes, “every time I get a new Omni-tool, it downloads them all again.”

“Your ex?” Kaidan asked, leaning closer to look at the picture, “he was cute.”

“He was a dick,” James changed the picture, “and if I ever meet him, I’m going to break his nose.”

“Something I would fully encourage,” Shepard laughed, “and would like to video.”

“Whoa,” Steve stopped James’ hand and brought a picture up on Shepard’s Omni-tool, “what’s the story behind this one?”

Shepard looked at the picture and winced, “that is me, just after I woke up from Cerberus rebuilding me. I took a picture to see if the lights were just a play on the reflection, or if I actually looked like that.”

The lights were impressive, the bright light behind Shepard’s heart lighting up the small bathroom in which the picture had been taken. The red glow to Shepard’s eyes standing out, along with a line of red lights running down his jawline. If this was how Shepard had looked when he first woke up, James could understand why he had an issue with it.

“You’re looking much better now,” Emilio commented, “you would have thought that Cerberus would have wanted you looking more covert.”

“I wasn’t done,” Shepard closed his Omni-tool and sat back in his chair, “the facility was under attack, then the Collectors came, they never really had time to actually finish.”

“That’s rough, son,” Emilio pat Shepard on the shoulder, “must have been hard to go through.”

Shepard gave a small shrug, “I made it through.”

“Still, you shouldn’t have had too,” Emilio gave Shepard’s shoulder a squeeze before dropping his hand back to the table.

Shepard looked at his drink, seemingly suddenly interested in the condensation as it rolled down the glass. James reached over and took his hand, bring it to hip lips to brush a kiss against his knuckles, “I’m glad it happened, now I have a cool robot boyfriend.”

Shepard’s shoulders relaxed slightly, and he linked their fingers together, resting their hands on the table between them.

Emilio watched the interaction for a minute before speaking too loudly for the space with a declared, “I like it.”

Shepard gave James an inquisitive look, “like what?”

“You two,” Emilio pointed between them, “I wasn’t too sure when Jimmy first told me about it. I didn’t want you pressuring him for something that he wasn’t in too. I thought maybe this whole thing was just hero-worship, and that Jimmy was getting swept up in having you so close to him after admiring you for so long. But, after seeing you two together over the past few days…” Emilio nodded, “I like it.”

“Oh,” Shepard paused, “good?”

“Yep,” Emilio nodded, “it’s good. You’re a good man, Shepard. I don’t know what’s going to happen to us, with those space bugs rolling in, but I think Jimmy is in good hands so long as he’s with you.”

“You giving us approval, old man?” James nudged Emilio with his foot under the table, “you’ve never approved of anyone I’ve dated.”

“Well, I approve of this one,” Emilio pointed to Shepard before swinging his finger to face James, “don’t fuck it up. I don’t know anyone else who’s going to put up with you like Shepard does.”

“Oh, would you look at that,” Kaidan cut in, “the food’s here.”

Shepard wasn’t sure if he had ever been so grateful to be interrupted by a waitress.

***

“I’m exhausted,” James groaned as he dropped onto their bed, their guests for the evening now on their way back to their hotels, and Kaidan and Steve tucked into their own corner of the house.

“Poor baby,” Shepard undressed and sat on the edge of the bed, “need me to tuck you in?”

“Man, would you? That would be awesome,” James closed his eyes and felt Shepard stand from the bed.

“You’re so tired you can’t get into bed on your own?” Shepard was standing over him now, James didn’t open his eyes, just nodded, “well if you insist.”

Shepard tucked an arm under James’ knees, and another under his shoulders, lifting him with ease from the bed.

“Damn, Loco,” James wrapped his arms around Shepard’s neck, “aren’t I heavy?”

“No,” Shepard shifted James’ weight and pulled back the covers, gently placing James’ back into the bed and pulling the covers over him, “there, as requested.”

“Aren’t you going to get into bed?”

“I have a call with Anderson in an hour,” Shepard sat next to James, “I’ll go through some emails for now, and then I’ll join you after the call.”

“What, no sexy time?”

Shepard rolled his eyes, “we had sex this morning.”

“Yeah, but that was this morning.”

“I’m afraid I’m off-limits for another day or so, I’m feeling a bit too tender.”

“We don’t have to have sex, I could just touch you,” James let out a long yawn.

“Go to sleep, Vega,” Shepard grabbed an Omni-tool from the nightstand, “you’re too tired to keep up with me anyway.”

“Am not,” James protested, letting his eyes fall closed.

“Are too.”

“Love you,” James mumbled, mostly asleep.

“I love you, too.”

***

“James,” Shepard shook the shoulder of the sleeping man, “wake up.”

“Huh?” James opened one eye to look at Shepard, who was fully dressed in what looked like clubbing clothes, “where are you going?”

“I got called in, N7 mission,” Shepard pulled off his dog tags and left them on James’ bedside table, “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Hang on,” James made to sit up, “I’ll come with you.”

“You can’t,” Shepard pushed James back into the bed, “I wish you could, but you don’t have the clearance. Dena and Spike are coming with me.”

“Loco,” James complained, “can’t you sit this one out?”

“It should be a –“

“Don’t say it,” James covered Shepard’s mouth with his hand, “last time you said something was a simple mission, you bled out all over me from two massive holes in your side.”

“Okay,” Shepard kissed the palm of James’ hand, “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“At what point do I start to worry?”

“If I’m not back by the time the sun comes up,” Shepard grabbed a large bag which James knew carried the Widow sniper rifle he carried sometimes, “then something has gone wrong. I’ve told Anderson that he’s to call you if anything happens. I’ve also told Dena how to reach you.”

James frowned, “you sure I can’t come?”

“I wasn’t meant to tell you about the mission in the first place, so yeah, I’m sure,” Shepard leaned forward, kissing James gently, “I’ll be okay, I’ve done lots of missions like this.”

“Be careful,” James felt a coil of anxiety in his chest, “I want you back.”

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” Shepard paused, leaning forward for one more kiss before standing, “I promise.”

James felt the anxiety lessen slightly, “promise?”

Shepard nodded, “promise.”

“Okay,” James settled back in the bed, “I’ll be waiting.”

Shepard made for the door, pausing to look over his shoulder momentarily, before giving James a small smile and making his way down the stairs.

James fought the urge to follow him, beg him to stay where he could keep him safe, deciding instead to pull Shepard’s dog tags over his own head, holding them tightly in his fist while he counted the minutes until Shepard was home.

***

James woke up to the sound of the bathroom door closing, “Loco?”

“In here,” Shepard called from the bathroom, “I just got home.”

James stood and walked to the bathroom door, “are you okay?”

“For the most part, come in if you want,” Shepard called, and James did, pushing back the door to find a dirty, but safe, Shepard.

“Thank god,” James reached out and pulled Shepard into a tight hug, burying his face into Shepard’s neck.

“Worried?”

“So worried,” James confirmed, not letting Shepard go.

“Hey, I promised, right?” Shepard ran a soothing hand over James’ back, “I never make a promise I can’t keep.”

“You try waiting at home next time,” James pulled back and watched as Shepard pulled off his shirt, “it fucking sucks.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I don’t usually get called out anymore. I’m too well known to be a good secret agent now,” Shepard looked at James’ chest, “are those my dog tags?”

“Yep, couldn’t tell you which ones are yours now though,” James grabbed a chain and pulled it over his head before putting it over Shepards.

“Doesn’t matter, they’re both the same anyway,” Shepard turned on the tap and wet a cloth, wiping at the dust over his cheek, “I’m too old for this shit, I’m ready to fall asleep standing.”

“Let me,” James took the cloth for Shepard, turning the taller man to rest against the counter as he wiped the dirt from his face, “can you tell me what happened?”

Shepard shook his head, “it’s not worth the trouble you would be in if they found out you knew.”

James turned Shepard’s head, working on the dust from the other side of his face, “do you get called out for these a lot?”

“Used too, not so much now.”

“Will I?”

“Maybe,” Shepard closed his eyes as James started to clean his neck, “depends on what you specialize in.”

“What’s your specialization? You took every course.”

“Assassin.”

James paused at that, “really?”

“Really. Not something I usually tell people, though. It makes them look at me differently.”

“Oh,” James rinsed the cloth before starting on Shepard’s arms, “explains why you took the widow.”

“She’s big, but she’s good.”

“There,” James looked Shepard over, “you’ll need a shower tomorrow, but you’ll be fine to crash now.”

“Thanks,” Shepard kicked off his pants, leaving them on the floor, “take me to bed.”

“Yes sir,” James guided Shepard into the bedroom by his hips, pushing him back into the bed, waiting until Shepard was settled back against the pillows before straddling him and leaning forward to kiss him.

“This isn’t what I had in mind, but always welcome,” Shepard squeezed James’ hips, “I’ve thought about this view.”

“What view?” James kissed down the side of Shepard’s neck, biting down as Shepard turned his head to give him more access.

“You riding me,” Shepard trailed his hands over the curve of James’ ass, kneading the muscle.

“I’m not sure I’d be any good at it, but I’m willing to try.”

“Is that so?” Shepard winced as James brushed his side.

“What’s wrong?” James moved his knee and saw the faint outline of a large bruise, “what happened?”

“Krogan punched me, don’t worry about it.”

“Why did a Krogan punch you?”

“Because I was trying to get into a part of a building I didn’t belong in,” Shepard relaxed back into the bed, “and in the interest of full disclosure, I’ll likely have a big bruise in my shoulder from the Widow, and I burnt my hand on a heat sink.”

James frowned, “I know you’re going to get hurt, but whenever you do, I want to wrap you in bubble wrap and keep you on a shelf.”

“I’d go crazy,” Shepard sat up and kissed James, “and I’m a lot less hurt than I usually am.”

James brought his hands up to cup Shepard’s face, tracing his cheekbone with thumbs, “John…”

“James?” Shepard was smiling, the fine lines around his eyes deepening.

“I want-“ James paused, “I was hoping – um…”

“James,” Shepard turned his head to kiss the inside of James’ wrist, “stop worrying and ask me for what you want.”

James took a deep breath, “I want you inside me.”

Shepard recovered his shocked expression well, but still looked at James with a look of wonder, “really?”

“Really.”

“You were worried that we would have to split up because you didn’t want to bottom.”

“I know, but man, the universe keeps trying to take you from me,” James traced over the bruise on Shepard’s side.

“Hmm,” Shepard kissed over James’ heart, “I think, if that’s what you want, we should save it for another night.”

“What? Why?”

“Because you’re feeling emotional right now, and I’d like to make sure that if and when you do bottom, that it’s because you want too, not an emotional response.”

“I do want too,” James argued.

“James,” Shepard ran a soothing hand over James’ sides, “me being inside of you won't stop the very real chance that I might be taken away.”

James flinched, like Shepard had hit him, “John…”

“No, let me finish,” Shepard continued, “I am going to die sometime, James. We all are. That’s not a reason to try something that up until recently you were uncomfortable with. Think about it, and if you still want to try it, then, of course, we will. Don’t just do it because it’s a knee-jerk reaction.”

“You bottomed for me because you knew you were going to die someday, how is this different?”

“Because I knew before we started dating that I would be willing to bottom for you, and I’ve had sex with men before, so I knew what I was getting into. Yes, I wanted to have sex with you before one of us died, but I wasn’t giving up anything new, or unwanted, to do it. It wasn’t something I was so uncomfortable with that I called an entire relationship into question.”

“I may have been overreacting,” James mused “because I would very much like to have you inside me.”

“Well, that’s great,” Shepard dropped back onto the pillows, “if you still want it, _after_ you’ve had a night to sleep on it, then we can try tomorrow.”

“You’re serious?”

“Deadly.”

James stretched over Shepard, kissing him deeply, both a little moved and extremely frustrated at how cautious Shepard was when it came to making sure that James was comfortable.

“So, what are we going to do with this?” James rolled his hips against Shepard’s erection.

“Oh, I have some ideas.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi All - 
> 
> Sorry for the lack of updates, I had a lot of work commitments, then I had my surgery, and then I wrote a bunch of stuff and poor alilypea had to go through the 6 chapters before I would post them. 
> 
> Advance warning - this story has taken a bit of a turn. Hopefully you'll all enjoy it. For now, I'll be posting chapters every couple days.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James was having a wonderful dream, in which, Shepard was cooking him breakfast, topless, in a little house that they owned. James knew it was a dream immediately because Shepard looked like he knew what he was doing as he walked around the little kitchen, grabbing the spices from a small cabinet before adding them to the pan.

James _knew_ it was a dream, but, was very contented to stay in the dream. In this place, they were safe, Shepard was alive, and the Reapers just a memory.

But damn if he wasn’t hungry, and the smells from the dream were making him restless, the dream flickering as the very real need to eat started to draw James from sleep.

Eventually, James opened his eyes, rubbing the sleep from them with a groan, “I just had the best dream about you, Loco.”

James turned his head and found Shepard’s spot empty. Taking a deep breath, he also found the smells from his dream very real.

“Huh,” James got out of bed, quickly getting dressed to follow his nose.

Taking the steps two at a time, James froze as he walked into the kitchen.

“What now?” Shepard asked Emilio, concentrating over a pan.

“Now you wait until the egg set a bit, see how they’re going a solid yellow there? You need the entire base like that and then we can add the filling and flip it.” Emilio turned down the heat slightly, “we don’t need to rush it, you don’t want to burn them.”

“Why does cooking have to be so complicated?”

“It’s not, really, you’ve just never had a reason to learn,” Emilio kept an eye on the pan with Shepard, a reassuring hand on his shoulder, “Jimmy would be happy to cook for you anyway, that boy thrives in a kitchen.”

“You’re telling me, he made me homemade burgers on our first date and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I literally proposed to him for another one.”

“He’s a great cook, to be sure. I did teach him all I know. Okay, let’s get that filling you made and put it in a line in the middle. You only need about a third, we’re going to make three omelets.” Emilio passed Shepard a bowl who followed the instructions carefully, “alright, now we’re going to loosen the edges, and then flip it closed and put the lid over it. Give it another five minutes and you’ll have a perfect omelet.”

James took a step toward the kitchen and Shepard’s eyes flicked to him, “Morning, sleepyhead.”

“What’s going on here?”

“Emilio was kind enough to try and teach me how to cook,” Shepard wrapped an arm over Emilio’s shoulder, “he’s a brave man. Others have tried and failed to do this before.”

“Why did you want to learn now?”

“Because I’m with a man who likes to cook now,” Shepard shrugged, “and it seemed really shit of me to assume that you’re always going to be the one who cooks.”

James took a seat at the breakfast bar, “far be it from me to complain about breakfast.”

“Alright, John, let’s open the lid and check it,” Emilio leaned over Shepard’s shoulder, “yep, that looks perfect, now you can slide it onto the plate and let Jimmy dig in.”

Shepard did, a gentle shake of the pan until a perfectly reasonable omelet landed on the plate, “That seems almost too easy.”

“Cooking is easy, it’s just science. If you can follow instructions, you can do this. You might want to work with a recipe, but this is a perfectly reasonable starting point. Well done.” Emilio started cracking more eggs, “now I’ll make one and you can make one, and you should have it down to an art.”

“Sounds good,” Shepard placed the plate in front of James with a faint blush colouring his cheeks, “I hope it’s okay.”

“I’m sure it’s great, Loco,” James pulled Shepard by the back of his neck for a kiss, “I just had a dream about you cooking for me.”

“Did you?” Shepard started cracking eggs into a bowl and followed along with Emilio.

“I did, we had a little house somewhere and I was watching you cook in our kitchen. Granted, you weren’t wearing a shirt and Emilio wasn’t there, but this is good too.”

Shepard laughed as Emilio made exaggerated gagging noises, “I’m pretty bruised from my mission last night, I don’t think that I would be all that pretty topless right now.”

“You’re always pretty topless,” James took a bite of his breakfast, “hey, this is really good.”

“Yeah?” Shepard placed the lid on his pan, “can’t take any credit for that, it’s all Emilio.”

“You know, I’ve heard that having a son or daughter in law that agreed with everything you said was wonderful, but I don’t think I appreciated it until now.” Emilio grabbed two plates, “you’re much nicer than the last girl Jimmy dated.”

“I aim to please,” Shepard took an offered plate and opened the lid to his pan, “good?”

“Yep, looks perfect,” Emilio served up his breakfast and watched as Shepard followed suit, “not so hard, right?”

“Not with a good teacher,” Shepard joined James at the breakfast bar.

“Next time I’ll show you how to make fish tacos, they’re Jimmy’s favorite.”

“Sounds great.”

James watched as Shepard and Emilio ate together, laughing at shared bad jokes, sharing war stories, and talked about various guns and their mods. Eventually, Shepard noticed James staring.

“What?”

“I’m going to marry the fuck out of you when this shit is over,” James nodded, “it’s decided. You’re going to be my husband, we’re going to buy a little house, and we’re going to do this every weekend. The three of us.”

“Works for me.”

“What, that’s it? That’s your reaction?”

Shepard shrugged, “James I love you to death, marrying you would be the best thing to ever happen to me. Do you want me to say no?”

“Well, no…”

“There you go then. We are agreed that we’re going to get married, buy a house, and have your uncle over to teach me how to cook.”

“You have N7 training in there too, Jimmy, don’t forget about that.”

“Like I could forget, I’m already stressing about how much time I’m going to be spending away from Shepard.”

“Who says you have to spend any time away from me? Lots of people bring their spouses to stay in the compound during training. Sure, you’ll probably have a couple of weeks away, but I don’t have to be far away because you’re training.”

“What about the Normandy?”

“What about her?” Shepard smiled at James, “I have done more than my share for the Alliance over the past few years. When this is done, I’m retiring. I’ve already got job prospects lined up. I’ll be free to be wherever I want.”

“What kind of job prospects?” Emilio asked, ever the concerned parent.

“A few,” Shepard shrugged, “I’ve been asked to take a teaching role with N7, I’ve also been asked to work with the Quarians developing various health systems given the success of having Normandy on the crew.”

“Both pretty impressive rolls.”

“I’ve also been asked to be the next Human councilor.”

“Wait, what?” James felt his mouth drop open, “seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“You hate playing politics.”

“I do,” Shepard agreed, “but, it would be a nice, stable, safe job. Something I thought you would see some value in.”

“I do, but I don’t want you hating your job because of me.”

“We have a while before we need to worry about it,” Shepard took James’ hand, “I still have a lot of work to do before I can even consider it.”

“it would be something,” James considered, “imagine us both with civilian jobs? No one trying to kill us.”

“Do you want a civilian job? You don’t have to do the N7 training if you don’t want too.”

“I’ve always wanted to run a mechanic shop, Emilio and I used to work on classic cars when I was little.”

“We built a few,” Emilio agreed, “Jimmy was always good at taking things apart and putting them together again. Guns, cars, the fridge, he was always tinkering.”

“So why don’t you do that?”

“Never could afford the costs of a start-up.”

“I just bought that warehouse in New York; you could have that?”

James resisted the first impulse to blow off the idea, feeling uncomfortable with generosity. But this wasn’t Shepard just throwing money away, this was Shepard thinking of their future together. One where they were both safe and doing something they enjoyed.

“Let me think about it. I don’t want this tattoo to just be a load of bullshit.”

“The offer is there,” Shepard stood, taking the empty plates from James and Emilio and walking to the sink, “I can also tell you from experience that you don’t want to dive into N7 training impulsively, it will eat you up and spit you out if you aren’t 100% committed to the program.”

“Commander, I have an incoming call from Admiral Anderson,” Glyph flew into the room, “would you like me to patch him through?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard followed Glyph into the living room, Emilio and James following behind him.

The screen flickered, briefly, before Anderson appeared, “Hey son, I was just checking in after that mission yesterday.”

“All good. I’ve done worse, you know that.”

“I do know that it doesn’t mean that I don’t stay up at night when I know you’re out there. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“I messaged you as soon as I got home, did you get it?”

“Yeah, I did. I also figured you were alright when I didn’t hear from your Lieutenant.”

“I was awake worrying about him too,” James dropped onto the couch.

“I’m sure you were,” Anderson nodded at Emilio, “I see you have company, am I interrupting?”

“Oh, sorry,” Shepard gestured to Emilio, “Emilio Vega, this is my dad, David Anderson.”

“Vega? You James’ father?”

“James and Emilio are kind of like you and me,” Shepard explained, “except Emilio is actually James’ uncle, and he didn’t find James in a drug den.”

“No, just spent a lot of time stopping him from ending up in one,” Emilio agreed, “it’s nice to meet you. Seems like we might end up spending a lot of time together, now that our boys are an item.”

“Still going strong then?” Anderson had a smug grin on his face.

“James just decided that he’s going to marry Shepard after the war, so I would say so.”

“And what do you have to say about that, John?”

“Seems like a solid plan to me,” Shepard dropped down beside James on the couch, “he can cook, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. You’ve messaged me a million times to tell me all about James’ amazing cooking.”

“Really?” James elbowed Shepard, “you brag to your dad about me?”

“Every day Lieutenant,” Anderson shrugged, “it’s nice to have him in love with someone who doesn’t treat him like total shit. As I said, I knew you would be good together.”

“They suit each other,” Emilio added, “I’ve been with them for a couple of days, it’s pretty clear they’re both happy.”

“What brings you to our corner of the Citadel, Mr. Vega?”

“Emilio. Shepard was nice enough to help me out when his old gang was roughing up my squad. He called in his one from N7 to get me here.”

“Holy shit,” Anderson turned his attention to Shepard, “you finally used it?”

“I finally used it. It seemed like a good cause, I have no regrets.”

Anderson let out a low whistle.

“Yeah that was my reaction too,” Emilio rolled up his sleeve, “and then John very kindly fixed up my arm when things got a little rough at extraction.”

“Nice work. Good job, John. That was a good call, I’m proud of you.”

Shepard flushed, “thanks, dad.”

“Look, I have to go. I just wanted to make sure that you were alright. Make sure you let me know when the wedding is. I want to make sure I can walk my boy down the aisle.”

“Will do. Be safe.”

“You too. Love you.”

“Love you more,” Shepard took a deep breath and James reached out to take his hand.

“Love you most,” with a wave, Anderson vanished.

“Nice man,” Emilio commented, “seems really proud to have you as his son, John.”

“Not half as proud as I am to have him as my father. He could have left me to rot when he found me. I owe him a lot.”

“Sounds like he made a good choice.”

“I sure hope so.”

James tucked his head into Shepard’s shoulder, closing his eyes, “what are we doing today?”

“Nothing,” Shepard wrapped his arm over James.

“Nothing? Is that even a word in your vocabulary?”

“You said yesterday you wanted some time to just hang out around the house, so I cleared my schedule.”

“I get you, uninterrupted, all day? What about Kaidan and Steve?”

“Put them up in the same hotel as Joker. They’re finishing planning the party.”

James turned to Emilio, “what about you, old man?”

“Spending the day with Commander Bailey. C-Sec offered me a job yesterday. I’m looking at apartments this afternoon and then spending the night with some friends.”

“You don’t need to look for apartments, Emilio, you can stay here.”

“John, I couldn’t impose.”

“How are you imposing? In a couple days James and I will be leaving, and this place will just sit empty. It makes sense to have family staying here.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Glyph,” Shepard called over his shoulder, “can you program in Emilio as a permanent inhabitant please?”

“Any restrictions, Commander?”

“No, full access is fine.”

“I – thank you, John, that’s much appreciated.”

“No problem. The same rule applies to you that goes for everyone else who stays here.”

“What’s that?”

“No sex in my bed,” Shepard winked at Emilio who laughed, “other than that, just don’t put human food in the yellow fridge. It’s for Quarians and Turians.”

“Deal, well, I’m going to get out of your hair, let you two love birds do whatever it is that you had planned for the day.”

“Nothing,” James kept his eyes closed, “we’re going to do nothing all day, and it’s going to be amazing.”

“Have fun with that, I’ll see you tomorrow for the party.”

***

It turns out that Shepard wasn’t very good at doing nothing, and when he shifted on the couch for the tenth time in a half an hour James rolled his eyes.

“Restless?”

“A bit,” Shepard admitted, “I’m sure you remember me being restless when you were my guard too.”

“You worked out a lot, and made a lot of models.” James considered for a minute, “if you want something to do, we can pick up the conversation we had yesterday.”

“We could,” Shepard agreed, turning to face James on the couch, “is it something you’re still interested in?”

“Very.”

“Well, if you’re sure,” Shepard smiled, “I’m all for it.”

“I should probably shower, first,” James stood, “want to join me?”

“I had a shower this morning, I’ll meet you up there in a few. I’m going to lock the house and turn on the do not disturb protocol.”

James nodded, making his way for the stairs, “don’t leave me waiting.”

“Oh don’t you worry, I won't.”

James made his way up the stairs and shut the bedroom door behind him and making his way to the bathroom. Looking at this reflection in the mirror, James had a moment of panic.

_You up? – JV_

_I am, what’s going on? – SC_

_I’m going to sleep with John for the first time, what do I need to do to get ready? – JV_

_Who’s bottoming? – SC_

_Me – JV_

_Ah, shit, I’m not much help then. Can I pull Kaidan into the conversation? – SC_

_Yeah, hurry it up, I’m meant to be showering – SC_

_Kaidan Alenko Joined the Conversation_

_What’s going on – KA_

_Vega is going to bottom for the first time – he needs tips – SC_

_Fuck, you don’t have much to worry about, John is so a power top – KA_

_I could see that – SC_

_Guys lets pretend for a fucking minute that I know what that means, I have minutes before he is upstairs and I need to know what to do – JV_

_Right, okay – Shower, brush teeth, relax, make sure that the room isn’t too hot, Shepard’s going to run hot – KA_

James turned on the water and stripped down.

_Anything else? – JV_

_Shep totally will be a power top – meaning he knows exactly what he wants when he tops someone. I’m sure he will put you exactly how he wants you. Just make sure you’re clean and you’ll be fine – SC_

_Do I need a pain killer or something? – JV_

_What? -SC_

_No – KA_

_Why the fuck would you? – SC_

_John and I, switched? The other night. He was sore after – JV_

_As much as I love you, you probably rushed the prep. You might be a bit tender, but it shouldn’t hurt – SC_

_He was eager – JV_

_I’m sure he was – KA_

_Fuck I’m out of my element – JV_

_Shower, teeth, relax, let Shepard handle the rest – KA_

_Right, well, wish me luck – JV_

_You won't need it, you’ll do fine – SC_

_Let us know how it goes – KA_

James stepped into the shower, turning the heat up slightly as he turned his back to the water.

_Relax_.

James took a deep breath and forced his muscles to relax, willing the tension out of them as he took a handful of soap and started to wash. The movements were automatic from years of showering after extensive training.

_Shower_.

James turned off the water and turned to the sink, grabbing his toothbrush and turning it on.

_Shower. Check. Teeth. Check. Relax. _

Not a chance.

James rinsed his mouth and turned to his reflection again in the mirror. He was going to do this. He was going to have sex with Shepard.

“James?”

Shepard was calling him from the bedroom, and James felt his muscles tense with nerves as excitement.

“Yeah?”

“You okay in there?”

“Be out in a minute, just getting pretty,” James looked to his clothes on the floor, deciding instead to wrap a towel around his waist.

Taking a deep breath, James opened the door and walked from the bathroom.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

Shepard’s smile was blinding.

“What?” James looked down at himself, “dig the towel?”

“It’s nothing,” Shepard walked over to the thermostat and dropped it a few degrees, clearly on the same page as Kaidan.

“John…”

“I’m just being silly.”

“Tell me,” James watched Shepard pull off his shirt.

“Sometimes I can’t believe my luck,” Shepard pulled off his pants next, leaving him in his boxers.

“What do you mean?”

“I used to watch you walk around our little apartment on earth, wearing a towel like that, and imagine what it would be like if you were mine. If you had just come from a shower after an afternoon tryst. I would wonder what you were hiding under that towel.” Shepard smiled and walked over to James, tugging on the fabric, “and now here you are, and I can’t believe my luck. These kinds of things never happen to me.”

“I love you,” James couldn’t think of another response.

“I love you, too,” Shepard kissed James, “and if you want to change your mind, we don’t have to do this.”

“Oh, we’re doing this,” James reached between them and pulled off his towel, letting it drop on the floor.

“I’m going to need you on the bed, then,” Shepard backed James up to the bed and pushed him back onto it, “on your stomach.”

“Kaidan said you would be pushy,” James flipped over and watched as Shepard grabbed the lube from the bedside cabinet.

“Did he?”

“Well, he said you’d be a power top, whatever that means.”

Shepard paused at that, “huh.”

“Is that rude?”

“No, I guess I’ve never considered the concept before,” Shepard lowered himself over James, kissing the back of his neck.

“Are you?”

“I was, I guess,” Shepard kissed his way down James’ back, trailing his fingers down his sides, “before.”

“Before?”

“My second life,” Shepard settled on the bed between James’ legs, biting down on James’ bum lightly, “you.”

“So, you’re not going to power top with me?”

“No, I’m going to be gentle, we have time,” Shepard kissed James’ lower back, “can I start, or did you have more questions?”

“I get it, I’ll shut up,” James crossed his arms and rested his head within them.

“I wasn’t asking you to shut up, I was honestly asking if you had any questions.”

“Maybe one.”

“Which was,” Shepard kissed James again, bringing one hand up to knead the muscle.

“Is being a power top bad?”

“No,” both of Shepard’s hands were kneading James’ ass now, and James groaned, “but it’s not what you’re going to need.”

“What do I need?” James arched his back slightly, pushing his ass into Shepard’s hands.

“I’ll show you,” Shepard pushed up, so he was sitting between James’ legs.

James heard the lube bottle open and felt his muscles tense, Shepard chuckled.

“I’m going to prepare you, James. As hard as you make me, I’m not going to shove my dick in you until you’re ready.”

“I know, just worried it’s going to hurt.”

“It won't,” Shepard reached out, and James jumped as he felt Shepard’s hands settle on his lower back, “easy, killer, I know what I’m doing.”

“Sorry,” James flushed.

“Close your eyes, relax, I’m starting with a massage,” Shepard’s thumbs kneaded the muscles of James’ lower back, “I’ll take care of you.”

“I know you will,” James did as instructed, closing his eyes as Shepard’s strong hands worked into his back.

James sighed under the attention “feels nice.”

“Massages generally do,” Shepard pushed his thumbs into the muscle and brought his hands lower, kneading James’ thighs.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had an ass massage.”

“You’re missing out, super-sensitive area,” Shepard’s hands came back up, squeezing on the way back to his lower back.

“I can tell,” James pushed his bum up into Shepard’s hands, “feels great.”

James let Shepard pamper him, rolling his hips each time Shepard moved over his hands past where he really wanted the attention.

Slowly, the attention changed, Shepard letting his fingers trail over his opening before moving back up to his lower back.

“John,” James moaned as Shepard teased him again before dropping his hands down to the side of his thighs.

“Yes?”

“Can you please put something in my ass,” James spread his legs further.

“Absolutely,” Shepard opened the bottle of lube again, and this time James didn’t feel the tension, instead just an underlying excitement for what comes next.

James groaned as Shepard pressed a finger inside of him, slow enough it didn’t hurt, pressing against his prostate firmly, “_fuck_.”

“Okay?”

“Good,” James rocked his hips as Shepard withdrew slightly, pushing back as Shepard slid forward again, “very good.”

“What did I do to deserve you,” Shepard kissed James’ lower back, “you’re so beautiful.”

“You don’t need to compliment me,” James rolled his hips again, “I’m a sure thing.”

“I like complimenting you,” Shepard withdrew and pat James on his side, “rollover.”

James flipped on his back, “don’t tell me you’re done prepping me already.”

“Not on your life, Vega, but I can’t kiss you when you’re on your stomach,” Shepard crawled over James, bringing their faces level, “unless you prefer being on your front?”

“Stop worrying about me and just take the lead, _Commander_,” James rolled his hips and brought a hand to the back of Shepard’s neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

Shepard moaned, resting his weight down onto James and deepening the kiss, a flick of forked tongue against James’ lips. James trailed his hand down Shepard’s back, stopping at the waistband of his boxers and tugging impatiently.

“Off,” James tugged again, “now.”

“I’m busy,” Shepard bit James’ neck and let a brush of biotics travel over him.

“John,” James watched as Shepard kissed down his chest, stopping to flick his tongue into James’ bellybutton before reaching up to stroke his cock, “get naked.”

“Spread,” Shepard pushed at James’ thighs and settled between them, licking a stripe up James’ cock, sucking on the tip gently.

“For fuck sake, John would you _fuck me_ already,” James protested but thrust up into Shepard’s mouth anyway.

Shepard’s fingers made their way back to James’ entrance, teasing gently before two fingers pressed in. James let out a hiss at the stretch, almost bordering on pain.

“Okay?”

“Just a lot,” James took a deep breath, “was easier last time.”

“Last time I had been teasing you for a couple of hours, and you were really relaxed because you knew I wasn’t going to surprise you with a dick in your ass. This time, you’re more nervous.” Shepard kept his hand still, letting James adjust, “take your time, I’m happy to stay here and suck your dick.”

“Less talking and more doing,” James reached up and grabbed onto the headboard, looking down to Shepard, “it will help me relax.”

Shepard smiled, “should have known you’d be a pushy bottom.” Shepard did as requested, taking the head of James’ dick into his mouth and teasing with his tongue.

“You’re good at that,” James relaxed into the attention, watching as Shepard pleasured him seemingly with no rush, pulling off occasionally to kiss his stomach before going back to sucking him off.

James was so swept up in watching Shepard, he almost missed when the third finger was pressed into him. Instead of tensing, James let out a low moan and pushed back against the pressure.

“Almost ready, baby, you doing okay?”

“Ready now, John, stop treating me like I’m made of glass.”

“Pushy,” Shepard pulled back, kicking off his boxers with a sigh of relief, “now, not sure if Steve told you or not, but you need to keep in mind you’re only prepped as far as my fingers can reach. Which means you’re going to have a bit of a burn as I bottom out.”

“Okay,” James took the lube bottle from Shepard and took some in his hand, coating Shepard’s cock, “so?”

“So, it’s not weird for you to go a little bit soft, or totally soft, as we get started. Don’t panic if you do,” Shepard moved to kneel between James’ legs, “we’re going to go really slowly, but if you want me to stop just say so and I will.”

“Right,” James watched as Shepard positioned himself, a slight pressure but not pushing in.

“Ready?”

James nodded, not trusting his voice, and closed his eyes as the pressure gave way to a sting as the head of Shepard’s dick slipped past the ring of muscle.

“Relax,” Shepard rubbed James’ thighs, “breath.”

James took a deep breath and forced himself to relax, “you feel a lot bigger than a few fingers.”

“Well, thank you,” Shepard chuckled, “trust me when I say it gets easier.”

“Hope so,” James winced as Shepard slid forward, pushing another inch inside of him, “because this kinda sucks.”

“Want to stop?”

“No,” James shook his head, “keep going.”

Shepard rocked his hips slowly until finally, and with great relief, his hips bottomed out against James’. Shepard leaned forward, kissing James’ forehead, “the hardest part is over.”

“Feels like the hardest part is inside me,” James opened his eyes and smiled, “you look wrecked, Loco.” Shepard’s typically blue eyes had been mostly taken over by blown-out pupils, a faint flush over his cheeks and down his chest with a sheen of sweat over his forehead.

Shepard kissed James gently, “I’ve wanted to do this for months, you feel amazing.”

“Yeah?” James let go of the headboard and wrapped his arms over Shepard’s waist.

“Amazing,” Shepard confirmed, and shifted his weight onto one arm, reaching between them and finding James still hard, “impressive, Mr. Vega.”

“Just because it hurts a bit doesn’t mean it isn’t sexy as hell,” James kissed Shepard again, “you’re not the only one who’s wanted this.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something the way I want you,” Shepard sucked a mark into the side of James’ neck, “I’ve never loved someone like I love you.”

“Now you have me,” James wrapped a hand around the back of Shepard’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss, “I’m yours, now fucking move.”

“Try to romance a guy, and they sass you,” Shepard brought his weight up onto his hands on either side of James’ head, “there’s no winning.”

“I love you too. _Fucking move_ or I’ll flip you over and ride you.”

Shepard pulled his hips back, watching James’ face as his mouth dropped open at the sensation, pausing for a minute before pushing back just as slowly, “okay?”

James nodded, “again.”

Shepard repeated the motion with more force, a roll of biotics over his body as he bottomed out, “_fuck_.”

“Well, not yet, but we’re getting there,” James laughed at the expression on Shepard’s face.

“Alright, you asked for it,” Shepard pulled out halfway, not giving James a moment to adjust before pushing back in, adjusting his weight on his hands before starting a slow rhythm.

“Oh, fuck,” James pulled the pillow under his head so he could watch Shepard disappear inside of him. It felt much better than he thought, “_yes,_ John, feels good.”

Shepard smiled down at James, bringing a hand to his lower back and encouraging him to arch his back, changing the angle to brush against James’ prostate with each thrust, “that beautiful cock of yours is looking a little neglected.”

“Want me to?” James trailed his hand down his stomach, taking hold of his cock and stroking it in time with Shepard’s thrusts.

“Please,” Shepard was glowing blue now, the speed of his thrusts increasing as he watched James.

James moaned, low and needy, “kiss me.”

Shepard didn’t hesitate, bringing their mouths together in a clumsy kiss, each thrust taking on a bit more force as his biotics rolled over James.

James felt himself at the edge, then falling over the edge, too fast to warn Shepard. Coming over his hand, chest, and Shepard’s stomach as Shepard slowed the trusts to work him through it.

“_Fuck_,” James panted as Shepard stopped, taking a moment to realize that Shepard was still hard inside of him, “why’d you stop?”

“You’re going to be oversensitive if I move right now,” Shepard kissed James and moved to pull out “I’m good.”

James locked his legs behind Shepard, holding him in place, “like fuck you are, John. You’re going to fuck me until you cum.”

“James,” Shepard’s biotics were flickering as James held him in place, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You aren’t going to break me with your dick, come on,” James clenched down and smiled as Shepard groaned, “snap to it, Commander.”

“You’re sure?”

“_Yes_.”

Shepard looked conflicted, studying James’ face for any signs of uncertainty before pulling back slightly and pushing back into James, “okay?”

“_Dios Mio_,” James caught Shepard unaware as he pushed up and knocked Shepard back against the bed, straddling him.

James adjusted, shifting his weight on his knees as he lifted himself up and dropped back down onto Shepard with more force than Shepard had used. Shepard reached out and grabbed onto James’ hips with a moan, “_fuck_.”

“Well now we are, yeah,” James kept up the pace, bracing his hands-on Shepard’s chest as he rolled his hips, “you’re being a wimp, so I’ll take care of it.”

Shepard just nodded, moaning with each movement as James moved over him. It wasn’t long before Shepard was rolling his hips with each movement, match James’ as he moved over him.

“_James,_” Shepard’s biotics were rolling over him in waves, “you’re perfect.”

“Come on, John,” James felt Shepard’s movements losing rhythm, “let me feel you.”

Shepard’s biotics almost knocked James back as he came, an arch of his back and James’ name falling from his lips as he spilled inside of him. The grip on James’ hips almost painful and certainly bruising as he rode Shepard through his orgasm.

James slowed and stopped, lifting himself off of Shepard and dropping on the bed next to him, “see? Didn’t break me with your dick.”

Shepard huffed out a laugh, “guess not.”

“When can we do that again?”

Shepard turned his head to look at James with a raised eyebrow, “we just finished.”

“Uh-huh,” James kissed Shepard’s forehead, “so what, you need like 10 minutes?”

“Shower first,” Shepard stood and helped James up, “oh shit, did I do that?”

James looked down at his hips, the imprint of Shepard’s hands starting to bruise into his hips, “guess so.”

Shepard looked appalled, taking a step back from James, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s just a bruise, Loco, no problem.”

Shepard ran a hand over his face, “I could have broken your hip.”

“You didn’t, I’m good, don’t sweat it.” James took a step toward Shepard, who took a step back, “John, relax.”

“I should have known,” Shepard frowned, “I can’t get carried away.”

“John, it’s a bruise.”

“You shouldn’t have bruises from me,” Shepard’s voice was small, “the people you love don’t leave bruises.”

“Come here,” James held a hand out to Shepard, “please.” Shepard didn’t move, but let James walk over to him and pull him into a one-sided hug, “I’m not hurt, I’m not upset, it’s just a small bruise. It was an accident.”

“I’m sorry,” Shepard brushed a thumb over the bruise.

“Forgiven,” James brought a hand to Shepard’s jaw, encouraging him to meet his eyes, “okay? Forgiven.”

Shepard nodded, “I used to hurt people a lot when I first came back. Before I adjusted to the implants. I broke Liara’s arm once, pulling her into cover. I thought I had gotten a handle on it.”

“You have,” James pulled Shepard closer, bringing their bodies flush, “bruises during sex is just a sign of good sex.”

Shepard rolled his eyes and James kissed him, a gentle press of his lips until he felt Shepard relax, “shower?”

Shepard nodded, following James into the bathroom, “how do you feel, other than the bruises?”

“Little sore,” James turned on the water, “but not bad.”

“Was it what you expected?”

“Better,” James smiled at Shepard, “much better. I thought it would be hard to get out of my head, thinking about a dick being inside of me instead of the other way around, but it was easy when it was you.”

“Well, I’m glad I haven’t ruined it for you,” Shepard followed James into the shower, still keeping his distance but slowly relaxing, “I bruised your neck, too.”

James looked in the mirror, spotting a decent size hickey, “mine was better.”

“More extensive, I’ll give you that,” Shepard took a handful of soap and paused, “may I?”

“Of course,” James closed his eyes, “I trust you.”

Shepard took his time washing over James’ body, his hands hesitating over the bruises on James’ hips, “I thought I was barely holding you.”

“I think you only bruised me as you got off, I didn’t notice you holding me before then,” James shrugged, “probably not a bad thing, your biotics almost knocked me over.”

Shepard smiled a bit at that, “it was a good one.”

“The best,” James turned, so Shepard was against the wall of the shower, pressing their bodies together, “I’m ready for round two if you are.”

“That so?”

“Hell yeah.”

“I was thinking lunch,” Shepard’s stomach growled, and James chuckled.

“We can do lunch, on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“Touch me,” James looked down at where Shepard had kept his hands against the wall.

Shepard slowly brought his hands up, resting just above the bruises on James’ hips, and tracing small circles into the skin.

“Maybe I like you marking me, John. You’ve got your little tattoo for us, but I have these, and no one else does.”

“I’d prefer you get a tattoo,” Shepard kissed the side of James’ neck, “or hickeys.”

“Get your name on my ass?”

Shepard laughed at that, “I wouldn’t say no.”

“Think Jack would be up for it?”

“I think Jack would call you unoriginal,” Shepard reached over and turned the water off, “and give you the same lecture that she gave me about rushing to get a tattoo early into a relationship, and how miserable I’m going to be when you dump me and I look down and see a little heart after you smash mine.”

“That’s…harsh…” James wrapped Shepard in a towel, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Hope not, but she’s just working with what she has. Feels like we’ve been together forever, but it’s only been a few weeks.”

“Guess so,” James dried off and walked into the bedroom, “but it’s going to be forever, so I think I’d be okay with your name.”

“I won’t stop you,” Shepard followed him into the closet and grabbed a pair of sweats, skipping the shirt.

James watched Shepard dry his hair before tossing the towel in the hamper, a small smile crossing his face.

“What?” Shepard looked down, “something on me?”

“Lunch after,” James grabbed Shepard by the band of his pants and pulled him into the bedroom, Shepard grinning as he followed.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

As it was, Shepard didn’t relax enough to let James bottom again, instead pulling James on top of him and giving him control for the second, and third, round. James was fine to take the dominant role, teasing Shepard until he stopped flinching at the sight of the bruises on his hips.

“Seriously, James,” Shepard tried to stand up, only to be pulled back into the bed by James, “if I don’t get at least something to drink I’m going to die from dehydration.”

“You’re getting old, Loco, I used to do four rounds before I got out of bed in the morning,” James let Shepard go, admiring the love bites he had left down his back.

“With women, who are self-lubricating, and don’t get as sore as I do,” Shepard looked down, “I should really have another shower, but I’m starving.”

“I’ll order lunch if you want to wash off,” James pulled up his Omni-tool, “any preference?”

“No, you pick, just stick it on my account,” Shepard turned the shower on, “you should have access to it, I asked Liara to put your name on it.”

James did, and he tried not to think of the amount of money he saw in the account when he ordered 200 credits worth of Chinese food. “You have twenty minutes.”

“Want to join me? Might be able to get in round four if you hurry up.”

James didn’t need to be told twice.

***

“I think you broke me,” Shepard sat down slowly, with a slight wince, on the couch, a huge plate full of food in one hand.

“You had fun,” James dropped down next to him, “let me bottom next time, and you’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shepard waved a hand, “whatever you say.”

“You can’t avoid it because of a bruise, Loco. You put it out there that you prefer being a top; clearly, I didn’t mind bottoming. We’re going to do it again at some point.”

“In the future, when I have better control, or I have the implants modded, and don’t have to worry about hurting you.”

“Still just a bruise, still not hurt,” James elbowed Shepard, “still blowing this whole thing out of proportion.”

Shepard frowned but didn’t say anything as he took a bite of his food.

“John,” James wrapped an arm over Shepard’s shoulder, “look at me.”

Shepard did, spring roll halfway to his mouth.

“I _want_ to do it again. I promise I’ll tell you if I think you’re bruising me or hurting me, but I really didn’t notice, and I’m really not hurt.”

There was a pause, then a quiet, “Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it? You’ve been all broody, and now it’s just okay?”

“I trust you,” Shepard turned back to his food, “I might not love the idea of risking this again, but I trust you.”

“Good,” James turned his attention to his own lunch, “it’s settled.”

“You know, if I’m a power top, you’re a power bottom, flipping me over like that.”

“Oh shit, I need to message the guys,” James pulled up his Omni-tool.

“Why?”

“I, uh, may have messaged them this morning for some last-minute pointers.”

_Mission accomplished – JV_

_Was it good? -SC_

_How long were you going at it? It’s been like three hours – KA_

_Jealous? -SC_

_Honestly, maybe a little – KA_

James chuckled and showed Shepard the messages, “what should I say?”

“Whatever you want, they already think you have the stamina of the gods.”

_All four rounds were awesome – JV_

_FOUR? – SC_

_Can you even sit? -KA_

_Power top is right, fuck, go Shep – SC_

_I was going to ask if you wanted us to bring dinner over later, but maybe you need some time to recover – KA_

“Kaidan and Steve want to come over for dinner, that cool with you?”

“Sure, I only kicked them out because you wanted some alone time.”

_Come on over, we should be dressed by then – JV_

_Seriously?! – SC_

_You can’t be serious – KA_

“Take a picture with me, I’m trolling the boys,” James held up his Omni-tool, angling it so only their bare chests showed, taking a minute to mess up Shepard’s hair, making sure to show the various love bites over both of their necks. James snapped the picture and showed Shepard, “it’s actually pretty cute.”

“It is,” Shepard agreed, “send it to me when you’re done.”

_James Vega sent a picture_

_He doesn’t even look tired – SC_

_James, you lucky bastard – KA _

_If you guys ever open the relationship up, I call dibs – SC_

_You don’t even bottom -KA_

_For a power top like that? I might reconsider – SC_

_I called dibs, he’s mine – JV_

James showed Shepard the messages, “It looks like you have a fan club.”

“Open relationship,” Shepard mused, “surprised that Steve would be into that.”

“He had an open relationship with his husband, too,” James cleared the empty plates, “would that be something you’re into?”

“Not particularly, you?”

“I’m too jealous. Can’t say that you and Kaidan wouldn’t be attractive together though,” James paused, considering, “you’re both good looking, and I bet you could mess up that perfect hair of his.”

“I’m sure I could,” Shepard agreed.

“Did you ever consider it, after he asked you out?”

“Yeah, I did. Just because I had feelings for you, doesn’t mean I wasn’t lonely. So far as I knew, I was never going to have you. I really didn’t want to die again without ever having a relationship since my shitty ex. In the end, it wouldn’t have been fair to K because he was romantically invested, and I wasn’t.”

“Makes sense, I’m glad I got you first though.”

“Me too,” Shepard watched James as he walked around the kitchen, “I’m glad we decided to give this a try.”

“We have a couple hours before the boys get here,” James walked over to Shepard, sliding a hand down the back of his pants and cupping Shepard’s ass.

“Did you have some ideas?”

“Nap and then hot tub?”

“Lead the way.”

***

“Anyone home?” Kaidan called into the apartment as he walked in with Steve.

“Hot tub!” Shepard’s voice called out from upstairs, “come on up.”

“We don’t have any bathing suits,” Steve put the ingredients for dinner in the kitchen.

“Neither do we,” James called back, “who cares?”

Kaidan and Steve looked at each other, and with a shrug, made their way upstairs. Turning the corner to the hot tub, Steve stopped short. True to their statements, Shepard and James were in the hot tub, nude. The water only slightly obscuring the shape of their bodies.

“Join us,” James waved at their bedroom, “towels in there.”

“You sure?”

Shepard shrugged, “nothing Kaidan hasn’t seen before, this is only news to Steve at this stage.”

“Why the fuck not,” Steve made his way to the bedroom, “you in, K?”

“Sure, grab me one too,” Kaidan pulled his shirt off, tossing it on a nearby couch, “wasn’t planning on getting naked with my Commander tonight, but this works.”

“That’s funny, from what I’ve been told by James it sounded like Steve might be open to the idea,” Shepard winked at James as he heard Steve cough.

“I was just joking,” Steve called from the bedroom, “didn’t mean anything by it.”

“No offense taken,” Shepard shifted to sit next to James, “always nice to be wanted.”

Steve walked out of the bedroom and passed a towel to Kaidan and hesitated as he moved to take his shirt off.

“Uncomfortable?” James smiled at Steve, “we’ll close our eyes.”

Shepard made a show of closing his eyes and tilting his head back against the edge of the tub, James deciding to close his eyes and tuck his face into Shepard’s neck, kissing the bruise he had left earlier.

“James, baby, I love you with everything I have, but I have nothing more to give you today,” Shepard smiled as James chuckled against his neck, “you broke me.”

“I’m sure I could convince you,” James pressed another kiss to Shepard’s neck before biting down on his shoulder gently.

Shepard hummed and turned his head to give James more access.

“God, you two,” Kaidan dropped into the water, offering a hand to Steve as he stepped in, “how did you even manage to keep your hands off each other on earth?”

“Badly,” James waited until he heard Steve sit before turning to look at Kaidan, “I don’t know how you kept your hands off of him for the past few years, either.”

“Ah, well, that was a bit easier. He was very “off-limits” on the SR-1, I wasn’t on the SR-2, and he’s been in love with you ever since,” Kaidan sunk deeper into the water, “just need a beer, and this would be perfect.”

“I got you,” Shepard reached behind him, pressing a pressure plate on the wall, opening to reveal a small fridge, “any preference?”

“Oh my god, tell me you have something Canadian in there,” Kaidan looked over Shepard’s shoulder, “anything Canadian.”

Shepard shifted the bottles, reaching into the back and pulling out a bottle and handing it to Kaidan, “Steve? James?”

“Sure,” Steve took the offered bottle, as did James.

“One problem, Shep.” Kaidan waved the bottle, “no opener?”

“Here,” Shepard held out his hand.

“It’s not a twist-off,” Kaidan passed it to him, “that’s the problem.”

Shepard smirked, easily pulling off the cap, folding it between two fingers, and passing the bottle back to Kaidan.

“Well then,” Kaidan looked at the bottle before taking a sip, “guess those Cerberus upgrades come in handy.”

Shepard didn’t respond, instead holding his hand out for Steve’s bottle and opening it the same way, “James? Need me to get yours?”

“I’m good,” James, with some force, managed to get the cap off.

“Look at you, Mr. Tough Guy,” Steve winked at James, “trying to keep up with your man?”

“He broke me today, Steve,” Shepard pointed to James, “broke me.”

“Sounds you like managed just fine, Commander.”

“I’m going to drown him, James, let it be known I warned him,” Shepard moved to sit forward, and Steve held up his hands in defeat.

“Okay, John, Shepard, whatever.”

“I’m literally naked, and you can’t get over the Commander thing, I’m starting to think you might have a kink. You call Kaidan Major in bed?” Steve blushed, and Shepard smiled, “knew it.”

“Everyone has a kink, John,” Kaidan relaxed back against one of the jets.

“I bet I can guess yours, Major,” Shepard gave Kaidan an appraising look.

Kaidan met Shepard’s gaze with a small smile, showing more courage than most under the intensity. James watched the interaction with interest and a small coil of lust settling in his gut. There was no doubt the two of them made an attractive couple.

“Go for it, _Commander_.”

“You like being told what to do,” Shepard held up a hand to stop Kaidan as he moved to interrupt, “more than that, you like when you get approval for doing what you were told. An example, Steve tells you to get on your knees and then compliments your blowjob, and it gets you off.”

Kaidan flushed, “that’s…very observant. How did you figure that out?”

“When you came back on the Normandy, you landed a shot that was very precise, so I turned to you and said, “well done, Major,” and it looked like I could knock you over with a feather. Thanks to the ocular implants, I could also tell that your heart rate increased, and your thermo-imaging changed. Basically, I could tell it turned you on. Now, lots of people get hard during a gunfight, it’s a normal response to adrenaline, but when you tried to replicate that shot the next few times, we went out I realized it was a thing.”

“What’s your thing, John? Can I guess?”

“Go ahead.”

Kaidan considered for a minute, “it’s difficult because I would say you were a control freak, but I don’t think that’s the case. I’ve seen you brush off events that would have driven a typical control freak crazy. You also seem to have a thing for approval, but not the same way I do, as you often do things that you think is right, even if it won’t get you the approval of your peers.”

“You’re right so far, keep going.”

Kaidan looked at James, then back to Shepard, “I think you get off on being wanted. Not the same way that most people do, I mean it’s always nice to be wanted, but I think for someone to really _want _you like they need air, is important to you.”

“Very good, Major, and why do you think that is?”

“Uh,” Kaidan hesitated.

“Go ahead,” Shepard gave a reassuring smile, “I won’t be offended.”

“Because you had a rough start, right? No dad, mom died young, and there was no one to pick you up and help you out. If someone actually picks you, _wants_ you, it means a lot.”

“You’re exactly right, well done, Major,” Shepard winked, “it also means that I deal with rejection terribly.”

“What about me?” James kicked Shepard through the water.

“Oh, you’re easy.”

“I know I’m easy, Loco, but what’s my kink?”

“Exhibitionist,” Shepard responded easily, “you get off on being watched.”

“Wait, you didn’t even have to think about it. How can you be so sure?”

“No one spends as much time working out as you do if you don’t want to be looked at. Further to that, you walk around with no shirt on, like all the time, and flex when you know people are looking at you. You’re extremely physical with me when people you trust and are attracted to, are around, like K and Steve.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m an exhibitionist, Loco.”

“James, if I offered to suck you off right now, in front of these two, would you say no?”

James took in a breath and felt his cock twitch with interest, “well, shit.”

“Doesn’t bother me, for the record. I think it’s kinda hot.”

“Well, now that we all know each other a lot better,” Steve cleared his throat, “I could use another beer.”

Shepard reached over, grabbing another bottle and passing it to Steve, “I would say that the pillow talk bothers you, were it not for the fact you talk to my boyfriend about sex more than I do.”

“It doesn’t bother me; I just don’t know what to do with myself when it happens face to face. I’m a loudmouth through text,” Steve shrugged, “I’m happy you guys are doing so well though, I wasn’t sure how the sex side of things would go honestly, with James never being with a guy before.”

“Not so straight, I think Esteban, maybe just a late bloomer. I’ve been admiring your man since he got here,” James nodded at Kaidan, “and I had some interesting thoughts earlier about our boys together.”

“He wants me to mess up your hair,” Shepard clarified, “see you after you’ve been debauched.”

“Well, James, while we’re admitting things, I have to say that your boyfriend's tongue thing drives me crazy,” Kaidan responded, “I’m dying to know what it’s like to kiss someone with a tongue like that.”

“So, kiss him,” James shrugged.

“What?” Shepard looked at James, “you’re the jealous one!”

“Maybe,” James agreed, “but it’s just a kiss, I’m right here, and I know if you want to go further, it’ll be with me.”

Shepard looked at James, a mix of wonder and confusion across his face, “we literally just talked about how jealous you are.”

“I know, but I wouldn’t mind watching you make out with the Major,” James brought a hand to Shepard’s jaw, trailing a thumb across his bottom lip.

“You know my rule.”

“Yeah, yeah,” James dropped down into the water, “spoilsport.”

“Care to enlighten the rest of us?” Kaidan asked, a blush across his cheeks.

“Loco has this thing, where if you ask for something in bed, and it’s something new, he makes you fucking _wait_.”

“To make sure it’s something you actually want,” Shepard clarified, “instead of something you’re impulsively doing. This is a perfect example. Downstairs you say you’re too jealous for me to be with someone else, and now you’re asking me to make out with Kaidan.”

Shepard paused for a moment before turning to Kaidan, “don’t get me wrong, K, you’re beautiful, I have no problems making out with you, just having a bit of a cognitive disconnect here.”

“No offense taken, John.”

“I’m with Vega, that would be hot as hell,” Steve chimed in from the corner, “you have my full blessing.”

“Oh man, you guys are too much,” Shepard covered his face with his hands and laughed, “I’ve gotten this boy off like four times today, and you would think that he hasn’t been touched in months. Now he wants me to make out with my best friend, and he was fucking _straight_ three weeks ago.”

“That’s what happens when you get with a younger man, John, they wear you out, Steve had me limping once,” Kaidan reached behind him for a towel, “I’m going to get dinner started, Steve, come help.”

“I’m in no position to stand up at the moment,” Steve downed the rest of his beer, “thank you for that, Lieutenant.”

“Nothing I haven’t seen before, Esteban, I walked in on you and the Major in the Kodiak, remember?”

“Really, the Kodiak?” Shepard arched an eyebrow at Kaidan, “you fucked in my shuttle?”

“In it, on it, under it once.”

“Don’t recommend that,” Steve took the offered towel and wrapped it tightly around his waist, “I was covered in oil.”

“Whose bright idea was it to leave our towels over there?” James pointed at the couches.

“Yours.”

“Well, fuck me.”

“I did this morning,” Shepard reached a handout, and with a slight tinge of blue, the towels floated over toward him, allowing to snatch them from the air, passing one to James.

“That’s handy,” James stood, with much less modesty than Kaidan and Steve had shown and gingerly wrapped the towel around himself, Shepard following suit.

“We’ll be down in a minute, let me get dressed,” Shepard walked to the bedroom, James following behind him.

Once the door was shut, Shepard turned to James with an arched eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What?”

“What do you mean, _what_? You’re asking me to make out with K after you had said that you didn’t want to share. You drunk already, off of one beer?”

James walked into the closet, dropping the towel in the hamper and opening the drawer to retrieve some sweats, tossing a pair to Shepard, who caught them on reflex.

“Not drunk, Loco, curious.”

“About me and K?”

“Yes,” James grabbed a shirt, pulling it over his head and passing one to Shepard, “if you’re not into it, that’s cool, but I’ve thought of you two together before, and I wouldn’t mind seeing it come to life as long as it _is_ just a kiss.”

“Why?”

James turned to face Shepard, realizing that he was still naked, clothes in hand, seemingly genuinely perplexed over the entire subject.

“Because you’re _beautiful_, Loco. The way you move is beautiful, the way you control a situation is beautiful, and yes, the way you kiss is beautiful. I like to watch you, no matter what you’re doing. I feel safe with Kaidan, I feel safe with you, and I think it would be hot as fuck. I’m not looking at some secret group sex thing, just an interest to see someone I love do something…well…erotic. Is it that hard to believe I just like watching you?”

“I guess,” Shepard looked down at the clothes in his hands, dressing as James watched him.

“You are beautiful, John, even if you don’t think so.”

Shepard gave James a small, almost sad smile, standing with his hands at his side looking smaller than James had ever seen him. It would have taken a stronger man than James to not reach out and pull Shepard into his arms, so that’s exactly what he did, grabbing Shepard and pulling him to his chest.

“I love you,” James said into the side of Shepard’s neck, “you’re beautiful, and you’re mine, and nothing is going to change that.”

Shepard wrapped his arms around James' waist and rested his head on James' shoulder, “I love you, too.”

Not for the first time, James realized that Commander Shepard, Hero of the Citadel, First Human Spectre, N7, was far more fragile than he let on.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James held Shepard, content to let him work through whatever demons had found their way into his mind. Whispering in Shepard’s ear how much he loved him, how amazing he was, and adding in a few lewd comments to break the tension. Eventually, Shepard relaxed, with a small sigh and a kiss to the side of James’ neck he stood and met James’ eyes looking slightly more confident than he had earlier.

“Better?”

Shepard nodded, kissing James on the cheek, “you’re too good to me.”

“I better be, there’s a freakin’ line of people waiting to replace me.”

Shepard shook his head, pulling James in for a gentle kiss, which quickly turned heated, James sucking Shepard’s lower lip into his mouth and biting down, a groan falling from Shepard.

“We should stop,” Shepard pulled back reluctantly, “really, the boys are going to look for us, and you don’t want Kaidan to come up with any number of jokes about us fooling around in the closet.”

“Fair enough, I should help Kaidan cook anyway,” James led Shepard out of the room, holding his hand as they made their way down the steps.

“You boys okay?” Kaidan looked up as they walked into the kitchen.

“Round five,” James kissed Shepard’s hand, leaving him to sit next to Steve while he walked over to Kaidan, “what are we cooking?”

“Chicken parm, if that works for you,” Kaidan pointed to the ingredients over the counter, “can you coat them?”

“On it, Major.”

“Are you alright?” Steve leaned into Shepard, “James can get carried away, doesn’t always think about how what you say is out there for good.”

“I’m good, thanks for checking, though,” Shepard wrapped an arm over Steve’s shoulders, “Kaidan is lucky to have you.”

“You say my name, John?”

“Just talking to Steve, K, don’t worry, all good.”

“Shepard had a cooking lesson with my Uncle this morning, he made me breakfast.”

“Did you get sick?” Kaidan laughed, “last time I ate what he made me, I was sick for two days.”

“Nope, it was awesome, had some nice family time, good breakfast, it was great.”

“Emilio must have the patience of a saint,” Kaidan worked with James breading the chicken and placing them in a pan, “Shepard’s a genius when he’s dealing with impossible odds, but you give him a frying pan, and he’s useless.”

“I take back what I said, Steve, you can do much better than Kaidan. He’s pretty, but man, he has an ego,” Shepard walked over to the fridge, “another beer?”

“Why not,” Steve agreed, “Kaidan?”

“Sure, sounds good.”

“Babe?” Shepard looked from the fridge, “beer?”

“You know it, Loco.”

Shepard grabbed the drinks and passed them out, pausing to look over Kaidan’s shoulder as he worked, “how did you learn how to cook, K?”

“My mom, she was a big one for a family meal, always made us sit together until I had to leave for brain camp, and if you were around, you were helping.”

“Must have been nice to have a family unit like that. Even when my mom was around, she was never a very good mom.”

“I imagine drugs make being a mom hard,” Kaidan glanced at James, who was watching Shepard out of the corner of his eye, “Anderson wasn’t a cooker? With a kitchen like this, I would have thought he did.”

“He’s slightly more successful than I am, but no, mostly sandwiches and stuff. Don’t get me wrong, in comparison to what I was eating, when I was eating, it was like a five-star restaurant. He let me eat whenever I was hungry, too, which was amazing.”

“I have such a hard time picturing you as anything other than _Commander Shepard,_” Steve commented, “you don’t come across as someone with such a hard background.”

“Oh, I have lots of scars, I just keep them well hidden,” Shepard gave Steve a small smile, “just ask James, underneath it all, I’m just a guy with a lot of emotional baggage.”

“A perfect guy, with a great ass,” James chimed in from the sink where he was washing his hands, “super cool biotic ability, and a tongue which gives you the best blow jobs ever.”

Kaidan coughed, and Steve rolled his eyes, “he really has a fixation.”

“I had it on the SR-1, I’m surprised you didn’t ask about it then,” Shepard pointed out, “it's not new.”

“I never noticed it, or I _would_ have brought it up,” Kaidan put the chicken in the oven and turned to Shepard, “I was under the impression you really wanted to be single on the SR-1, you shot Liara down.”

“I’m gay.”

“I know that _now_.”

“Do you think you would have asked me out, then? If you had known?”

“Absolutely,” Kaidan paused, “possibly…actually, probably not. I would have assumed you would say no.”

“You should have more confidence, Kaidan.”

“I agree with Loco,” James stood next to Shepard, leaning against the counter, “with that voice, I bet you would make a great negotiator. Negotiate me right out of my pants.”

“My first girlfriend told me that it would put her to sleep.”

“Wakes certain parts of me up just fine, Major.” James winked, and Kaidan laughed, rolling his eyes.

“Alright, _Lieutenant,_ enough with the flattery,” Kaidan waved a hand, “your man might get jealous.”

“No, I think James and I are on the same page with that particular comment. I know Steve is.”

“For sure,” Steve nodded, “you should hear him when he first wakes up in the morning.”

“Oh, I have; it’s lovely.”

Kaidan hid his face in his hands, “can we pick on Steve now?”

“Sure,” Shepard turned to Steve, “I really admire you.”

“Admire me? Why?”

“Because you’ve been through some really unfair shit, and you haven’t let it harden you. You moved past it, and you’ve grown from it. I wish I had your ability to deal with bad situations like that.”

“Oh. Well. Thank you, Shepard, I really appreciate that. I only moved forward with your support though, you know that.”

Shepard waved a dismissive hand, “I think you were well on your way.”

“I really wasn’t, but I appreciate the thought.”

“You’re also sexy as hell,” James added, “especially when you’re working on the Kodiak.”

“Or smiling,” came from Kaidan.

“Don’t get me started on your eyes,” Shepard took a sip of beer, “brightest blue I’ve ever seen on someone who isn’t biotic.”

“I’m coming over for dinner more often, this is great.” Steve was beaming, “morale boost.”

“He takes flattery better than you,” Shepard pointed to Steve, “you should practice that, K.”

“You’re one to talk, I asked you out, and you looked at me like I had grown another head. From what I’ve seen, you do that every time someone asks you out. It’s like you can’t believe it.”

“I can’t believe it,” Shepard snorted, “I can’t cook, I’m the son of a drug addict, hell, I _was_ a drug addict, I’m part hus-robot. There isn’t much about me I would want.”

“The entire ship wants you.”

“I think that’s more my endurance than me,” Shepard shrugged, “seems like most of them just want to sleep with me.”

“Can’t blame them, you’re a good lay,” James placed his empty bottle on the counter, “top or bottom, totally worth the ride.”

“Bottom?” Steve looked to Shepard, “you bottom? I thought that was like a one-time thing to show James how it went.”

“I am, apparently, more versatile than I previously thought.”

“You lucky asshole,” Steve swore at James, “you won the fucking lottery. If you don’t marry him, I’m taking him for Kaidan and me.”

“Mine. I called dibs,” James pulled Shepard to him, “my husband.”

“Your husband,” Shepard confirmed, “don’t worry, James, I’m not going anywhere.”

***

“Damn Major, you’re an amazing cook,” James pat his stomach with a contented grin, “maybe we can take the Major from Steve, and then he can help with the cooking?”

“Sure, don’t see why not.” Shepard looked equally contented and relaxed, “but if we take Steve too, he can fix the car.”

“Oh, that’s a good point, we could have two husbands.”

“Actually, Steve and I were wondering if you guys would want to get a place together after this is done.”

“Really?” Shepard looked at Kaidan, “in Vancouver?”

“Wherever has a safe place, I guess. It’s going to be some time before we’re in a position to build custom houses. It would be nice to be with friends rather than strangers, during what will be a certain housing crisis.”

“I’m in,” James chimed in, “I like living with Steve.”

“Two cooks? You know I’m good with it,” Shepard agreed, “Steve?”

“Hey, it was my idea, you know I’m okay with it.”

“Settled then, roommates.”

“What do we do to celebrate, do you have wine, Loco?”

“I’m sure I do,” Shepard pulled himself to standing and walked to the bar, “what do you want?”

“White,” Kaidan called to him, “it will go with dessert.”

“What’s for dessert?”

“Your favourite.”

“You didn’t,” Shepard came back into view with a smile, bottle of wine in one hand.

“Course I did, I knew I was going to ask you to move in with us. I had to bribe you somehow.”

“Fuck yeah,” Shepard followed Kaidan into the kitchen, “please tell me you got the real thing.”

“Nothing but the best for you, John,” Kaidan retrieved a container from the fridge and placed it on the counter, Shepard standing close behind him, looking over his shoulder.

“What’s got you so excited, Loco?”

“I’m going to let you know the great Commander Shepard’s weakness James, are you ready?”

James stood on the other side of the counter, Steve beside him, “let’s see it.”

Kaidan opened the container and gestured with a wave.

“Strawberries?”

“Real strawberries,” Kaidan clarified, “not lab-grown, with whip cream and angel food cake. I made it for him for his birthday the first year I knew him, and he’s been obsessed ever since.”

Kaidan picked up a strawberry and held it over his shoulder, letting Shepard take it with a small cheer.

“I love you, K, you’re the best,” Shepard popped the fruit into his mouth and closed his eyes with a moan as he bit down, “they’re so good.”

“Is he picky about the whipped cream too?”

“No, he’s not, but I had time to make it fresh, so I did,” Kaidan pulled out a small bowl and a cake, “you going to breathe down my neck or let me make it?”

“Breath down your neck,” Shepard wrapped his arms around Kaidan’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder, “I’m learning.”

“I already did the hard work, John, now you’re just watching it go together.”

“One step at a time.”

“Look how cute our boys are,” James nudged Steve with an elbow.

“Jealous?” Steve asked, quietly, clearly with the intention of only James hearing.

“Nah, they’re good. Friends for life, right? Like us.”

“Exactly right, Mr. Vega. Except we don’t cuddle.”

“Did you want too?” James held his arms out for a hug, and Steve only considered for a moment before reaching out for him, pulling the larger man closer and resting his head on his chest.

“There’s so much of you.”

“You have no idea, Steve, he’s a beast,” Shepard stood, moving to get the wine glasses, “I can’t tell you how glad I was when I found out he wasn’t compensating with all that working out.”

“You a size queen, Shep?”

“I do love me a man with some muscles.”

“Got lucky with Vega then,” Steve reached up and squeezed James’ bicep, “he’s got some to spare.”

“It lets me relax a bit, with the amped-up strength thanks to Cerberus. If they’re built strong, I feel like I won't break them as easily.”

“Alright, I’ve got a question for you, John. I’ve heard you mention that before, but how much did they tweak you? I don’t see you walking around and breaking things.”

“You missed a lot of the growing pains, it was Garrus and Tali that had to put up with me breaking shit. Here, let me show you.” Shepard opened a drawer and pulled out a knife, passing it to Kaidan, “can you bend it?”

Kaidan flexed the metal, putting a slight, but not significant, bend to it.

“James?”

James attempted, with similar results.

Shepard took the knife from James, holding one end between two fingertips, the other lightly in the other hand, “watch.”

Shepard twisted his fingers, curling the end of the knife in a tight circle, then moving to the other end and doing the same before twisting the entire thing into a passable metal heart, giving it back to James.

“Damn, Loco, that didn’t even look hard.”

“It’s not hard. It didn’t feel like I was holding that any harder than you pick up a pencil. Everything I do, I have to scale back. I break glasses, I’ve broken guns, hell, I broke Liara’s arm.” Shepard paused, “if you stick your arm out, and you only try to touch the hair, not the skin, that’s how it feels every time I touch anyone, it’s like I’m barely touching you, but to you, it’s like a normal touch.”

“So, if you were to just touch someone like you did before?”

“Ask James how that goes.”

James lifted his shirt, the imprint of Shepard’s hands on his hips, “you get love marks.”

“You get bruises,” Shepard clarified, “I really didn’t think I was holding you that tight.”

“He doesn’t look too upset by it,” Kaidan commented, “if anything, he looks pretty thrilled.”

“I think it’s hot,” James let Steve run his fingers over the bruises, “like a sign that he’s mine.”

Shepard didn’t comment, electing to drink his wine.

“You’re going to get them turned down? After?” Kaidan asked.

“Yeah, maybe sooner. I messaged Miranda this morning.”

“Can you try and break a Reaper in half first? I’m curious if you can,” Kaidan served up the cake, dipping his finger into the whipped cream and licking it off, “that’s so good.”

“Lemme try.”

Kaidan took some on his finger, holding it up to Shepard in a challenge with a raised eyebrow, “go ahead.”

Shepard, never being one to back down from a challenge, reached out and grabbed onto Kaidan’s wrist, holding it in place as he took Kaidan’s finger in his mouth, sucking this whipped cream off with a flourish of his tongue, dragging one side up each side of Kaidan’s finger.

“_Dios Mio,_” James moaned, “that’s so fucking hot.”

“Oh fuck it,” Shepard took two steps forward, crowding Kaidan against the wall, “you still curious, Major?”

“Yes,” Kaidan sounded breathless, “very.”

“Any complaints from anyone in the room?”

“None from me, Loco, take that boy apart.”

“Go ahead,” Steve laughed, “it’ll just make later more fun for me.”

“Major?” Shepard asked, “last chance to say no.”

“Please.”

Shepard surged forward, pinning Kaidan with one hand on his hip as the other combed through his hair, bringing their lips together. Kaidan hopeless to do anything but hang onto Shepard’s hips and be kissed, moaning at the first contact of Shepard’s tongue.

“Holy shit, James, you lucky fucker,” Steve watched the scene with his mouth open.

“It feels amazing, Kaidan is in heaven right now, trust me,” James watched Shepard move closer, resting their hips together.

“I kind of want a turn, not going to lie,” Steve grinned at Kaidan as Shepard pulled back, his usual perfect hair dishevelled, and his cheeks flushed, “everything you dreamed of?”

“Oh my god,” Kaidan staggered over to the breakfast bar and took a seat, carding a hand through his hair to try and put it back into place.

Shepard walked over to the cake, stealing a strawberry from the top of it and popping it into his mouth with a grin at James, “now we know Kaidan’s secret.”

“What’s that, Loco?”

“He’s got curly hair,” Shepard pointed at Kaidan, the ebony curls falling around his eyes, “you should leave it like that, K, it’s beautiful.”

Kaidan waved Shepard off, taking a deep breath and leaning back into the chair, looking over at Steve with flushed cheeks.

“Well done, Commander, you’ve rendered him speechless,” Steve grabbed the plates and nodded toward the living room, “let’s give Kaidan a moment to regain his composure.”

Shepard followed Steve, bringing the wine and glasses with the help of Steve, dropping onto the couch, pulling James down with him.

“I think you broke the Major, Loco,” James watched as Kaidan walked in, looking stunned, and took his wine glass from the table, downing the contents in one swig.

“Alright there, K?”

Kaidan nodded, “that was more than I expected.”

“I live to please, Major.”

“Why on earth would you get that done?” Kaidan gestured towards Shepard’s mouth.

“Good blowjobs and drugs,” Shepard took a plate and started eating.

“Didn’t it hurt?”

“Sure, it did.”

“How high were you?”

“Very.”

“Shit,” Kaidan shook his head to clear his thoughts, “I’m never going to look at your mouth the same way again.”

“While we’re asking Shepard questions, can I ask you something?”

“Shoot,” Shepard looked at Steve, “whatever you want.”

“I was going through the armour reqs the other day, your height is listed at 6’5. I thought they were wrong, but then I realized that you never stand straight, you’re always hiding how tall you are. Why?”

“Good eye.”

“You’re not 6’5. You’re only like an inch taller than me, and I’m 6’1,” James disagreed.

“Stand up,” Steve pointed at Shepard, who followed the instruction, standing casually beside the couch, “Vega, you too.”

James stood and pointed at Shepard, “see, only like 6’2.”

“He’s not standing up straight, look, he has one leg kicked out,” Steve gestured at Shepard, “stand up straight.”

Shepard did, bringing his legs together and drawing himself up to his full height, which true to Steve’s observation, brought Shepard’s eyes level with the top of James’ head. James turned and looked up, frowning.

“What the fuck? I knew you were big, but this big?”

“In N7 they talk a lot about body language reading, and how to approach someone. Humans, as a whole, don’t like to be stood over. When I was skinny, I could get away with it because I wasn’t big across, so I wasn’t scary. I got fit, then I got big, and all of a sudden people are scared to talk to me. Some of the missions I’m on depend on locals helping me, opening their houses to me, whatever. I can’t have some giant knocking on their door, they hide from me.”

“Yeah, but the crew wouldn’t care,” Steve pointed out.

“Not strictly true, height is a big thing to Turians, so I try not to look taller than Garrus when we’re out together. The Quarians find me pretty scary. On the other side of that, Grunt and Wrex like how big I am, and it makes them trust me.”

“Never thought I would see someone who made James look small.”

“We’re similar where it counts, Esteban.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

The night had continued much how it started. Funny jokes, good food, and random questions. They had ranged from the basic, like favorite colour (blue for Steve and James, red for Shepard, green for Kaidan), favorite food (pizza for James, sushi for Steve, steak for Kaidan and _anything _for Shepard). Shepard felt more relaxed than he had in years.

“Age when you lost your virginity,” Steve called out, flushed from laughing.

“16, I think,” James answered.

“14, I started early,” Shepard shrugged.

“18, right before I left for brain camp,” Kaidan thought about it, “I couldn’t get a girl to look at me until they found out I was biotic.”

“17,” Steve answered his own question, “in my parent’s van that I borrowed for a third date.”

“Favorite position?” Kaidan asked from under the bar where he was on a quest to find another Canadian beer.

“Spooning, low effort, maximum impact,” Steve nodded to Kaidan and James, “you two have to specify for each gender if they’re different.”

“With a guy, I like when I’m on my stomach, I find most other positions make my back ache. With girls, I guess I like them on top. It’s been a while since I had a girl even looked me though,” Kaidan came out from under the bar, beer in hand, “oh well.”

“With a girl, I’m with Kaidan, nothing nicer than a pretty girl riding you like a pogo stick. With guys, I have limited experience, but it was fun when I had you off of the side of the bed,” James tugged Shepard closer by the waistband of his pants to drop a kiss against his temple, “made you nice and blue.”

“Shep?”

“From behind, with arms behind the back for leverage, easiest position to hit all the best spots.”

Steve closed his eyes, trying to picture it, “I’m confused about the arms thing.”

Shepard took James by the hips, moving to stand behind him, “take your man, stand behind him,” Shepard pulled James snug against him, “have him lean forwards, slightly,” Shepard placed a hand between James shoulder blades and pushed his upper body forwards, then reached forward and brought both of James’ arms behind his back, bending them at the elbow so his forearms almost crossed behind him and held them in his hands, “now you have a handle, and you can just pull them back and forth without killing your lower back. It’s a great position really because you don’t get tired quickly.”

“Huh,” Steve looked at Shepard and James, “should try that.”

“Kaidan will need to arch his back more,” Shepard pushed on James lower back, deepening the curve, “then you can sometimes get the bottom off without even touching them. If their arms get sore just let them drop their arms and go for the hips,” Shepard demonstrated, “easy.”

“And you haven’t done this with me why Loco?” James looked over his shoulder.

“Because, James,” Shepard stretched over James’ back, wrapping his arms around his chest and pulling James up to standing, holding their bodies together, “you’re stubborn, and impulsive, and even if I was hurting you or the sensation was too strong, you would go with it so you didn’t disappoint me. I had you facing me so I can watch your expression.”

“Come on Loco, you can’t show me something this sexy and not let us try it.”

“We can try it, but you needed to know what it felt like first. Now you know what to expect you’ll know when it is going wrong,” Shepard kissed the side of James' neck, “I have to be careful I don’t break you.”

“Have to admit, it looks pretty good,” Kaidan looked at Steve, “I’m game if you are.”

“Now?” Steve nodded toward the bedroom, “I’m sure Shepard isn’t going to kick us out tonight.”

“You kids go have fun; I’ll tidy up here.”

Kaidan and Steve shared a look before racing each other from the room, the sound of laughter coming from the bedroom as the door was slammed shut.

“They’re like teenagers,” Shepard moved to the bar, gathering the glasses, “it’s a wonder they get any work done.”

“Like we’re any better,” James followed Shepard into the kitchen.

“Maybe not,” Shepard agreed, leaving the empties on the counter to deal with in the morning, “but I don’t hear you complaining.”

“Not at all, Loco, it’s been a great week off,” James stopped Shepard as he went to start the dishes, “they’ll keep. Let’s go to bed.”

Shepard gave James an easy smile, “something on your mind, James?”

“Yeah, me riding your dick, let's go,” James pulled Shepard from the kitchen, headed toward the stairs.

“You aren’t sore from this morning?”

“As if I could be sore from how long you took me to get ready. Less talking, more sex. Come _on_, Loco, I told you I would tell you if you were hurting me and I will. Right now, I want you naked.”

“Alright,” Shepard followed James up the steps, allowing James to pull him into the bedroom closing the door behind them with a flourish.

James tugged off his shirt, “you said you can get a guy off in that position?”

“I have, before. Everyone’s different, so I can’t say it will work for you, but,” Shepard pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor, “we can try.”

James kicked off his pants and walked over to the bed sitting on the edge, “get over here.”

Shepard approached James and let him ease his pants down his legs, stepping out of them. James reached out, trailing a hand over Shepard’s stomach and up to his chest, pinching a nipple as his hand trailed back down over the tattoo, “you’re beautiful.”

“I’m glad you approve.”

“No, really, John. No joking, not just saying that. I think you’re beautiful,” James kissed Shepard’s stomach, grinning as the muscles jumped under his attention.

“Thank you,” Shepard paused, “can you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“Listen.”

James held his breath for a minute and heard a low, unmistakable “_oh fuck_” in Kaidan’s voice from downstairs.

“We’re even for the strawberries,” Shepard smiled at James and pushed him back onto the bed, “glad he enjoys it.”

“My turn soon, I hope,” James let Shepard crawl over him, spreading his legs for Shepard to kneel between.

“Mmhmm,” Shepard kissed James, running his hand through the short hair of James’ mohawk, “you enjoy watching me make out with the Major?”

“Very sexy,” James agreed, trailing a hand over Shepard’s back to bring their hips together, “something so hot about watching such a composed man being taken apart. Even better when it’s your man taking him apart.”

“You might not be as jealous as I thought,” Shepard trailed his lips down the side of James’ neck, pausing to bite down on his shoulder, “if he liked a kiss that much, how do you think he would handle me sucking him off?”

James flushed as a moan fell from his lips at the thought, “I don’t know, it’s pretty intense.”

“Is it?” Shepard slid down the bed, bringing his face level with James’ hips, “is that something you’d like to watch?”

“Maybe,” James rolled his hips up, “do I get a turn first?”

Shepard didn’t answer him, forked tongue slipping from between his lips to tease the head of James’ dick where it rested heavy against his stomach.

“_Fuck,_” James crossed his arms behind his head, watching as Shepard took his cock into his mouth, distracted momentarily by the sound of a loud groan from Steve downstairs.

Shepard glanced up, meeting James' gaze with an amused expression, before pulling off of James’ dick with a pop, “Steve owes me though.”

James reached over to the bedside table and grabbing the bottle of lube, passing it to Shepard, “It sounds like we have some competition.”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s see, John, think you can make me loud enough they can hear me?”

“You know, I think I can,” Shepard opened the bottle, the smile across his face telling James that he was in for trouble.

“Do your best, Loco.”

Shepard brought a lube coated finger to James, teasing the ring of muscle, “want to see a magic trick?”

“Uh, sure?”

Shepard held up his other hand, waving his fingers as a roll of blue biotics passed between them, “watch.”

Shepard brought his hand to James’ hip, and James watched the blue spread over his skin, moving in bright blue lines over his stomach before drifting down toward his cock.

“Is this dangerous?”

“Might be, if I didn’t have the control that I do. I wouldn’t hurt you though.”

“I know that,” James watched as the blue lines shifted and changed shape until they formed a small N7 on the skin next to his belly button, pulling a laugh from James.

The biotic energy started moving again, moving in a wave over James’ thighs, turning in and running gently over his dick, like a wave of the ocean, moving from base to tip and back again.

“What do you think?”

“Feels really good. Can you make it stronger?”

The blue increased, shining a bit brighter, and with a groan, James arched his back as Shepard pushed two fingers inside of him.

“I bet you didn’t even notice the first one, did you?”

“No,” James reached behind him, grabbing onto the headboard, “feels amazing. How the hell did you learn how to do this?”

“Well, you know that I had to learn to dial back on everything when I came back. Imagine my concern around jerking off. I had to learn how to get off another way, and this was something I picked up,” Shepard added another finger and sped the waves of the biotics, “if you’re interested, I could also prep you using the biotics, but I thought this might be a nice introduction.”

“If you don’t fuck me soon, I’m going to cum without you,” James pushed back against the fingers Shepard was scissoring inside him, “I’m good, John, come on.”

“Alright, stand up,” Shepard stood beside the bed, his biotics flickering out, reaching for the bottle of lube and coating his cock with slow strokes.

James took a breath, collecting himself, before standing up and turning his back to Shepard, “any pointers?”

“It’s going to be more intense than earlier, but as long as it doesn’t hurt, you’re okay. If you change the arch in your back, you can control how strong it feels. If you want me to stop, just say so,” Shepard reached down to position himself, holding James by his hip lightly, “ready?”

“Let’s go, Loco, Kaidan and Esteban had a head start.”

Shepard chuckled, pressing a kiss to James’ back as he pressed forwards, rocking his hips gently, “don’t worry, I’ll have you loud enough that they’ll know who’s winning.”

James leaned forward bracing his hands on the bed and forcing his breathing to stay even as Shepard slowly sunk into him, letting out a groan of relief as he felt Shepard bottom out.

“Alright?”

“Yeah, that first stretch is hard,” James was grateful that Shepard paused, running his hands over his back as he gave him time to adjust, “does it get easier?”

“Maybe not easier, but certainly less foreign. Take your time.”

“_Steve, fuck_.” Kaidan’s voice came from downstairs.

“Steve found the sweet spot,” Shepard pulled James to standing, kissing the side of his neck, “sounds pretty good.”

“Sure does,” James brought his arms behind his back the same way Shepard had them earlier and felt Shepard’s hand close around his wrists.

“If I start gripping you too hard – “

“I’ll tell you,” James cut him off, “I promise.”

“Okay. Arch your back for me.”

James did, feeling a ball of tension settle in his core as Shepard changed his footing slightly, making small adjustments to James’ position. James wasn’t at all prepared for the sensation of Shepard almost pulling all the way out before using his arms to pull him back, a long brush against his prostate as he pushed back in, with his hips bouncing against James’ ass.

“_Fuck.”_

“Alright?”

“Fuck yes, keep going.”

There were no comments from Shepard as he repeated the motion, slow pull back, forceful push in, slowly increasing speed until all that existed for James was the delicious friction of back and forth and Shepard’s biotics as they started to crawl over his skin.

“Not being loud enough, babe, they’re going to think you’re bored,” Shepard pushed James’ back down further, “let them hear you.”

“Stop for a second.”

Shepard did, his entire body freezing, “did I hurt you?”

“No, but I want to actually see you,” James stood up, stretching his arms and grabbing the lube from the bed, “follow me.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow but followed as James led him into the bathroom pausing at the doorway to watch as James leaned over the counter in front of the mirror.

“Don’t just stand there, beautiful, we’ve got a competition to win,” James beckoned Shepard over, “let’s get to it.”

Shepard glanced at the mirror with a slight frown but walked over to James just the same, placing a hand on his back, “the mirror?”

“I have a hard time getting into sex when I can’t see my partner enjoying themselves. Now I can see your face,” James pointed at him in the mirror, “I want to watch you.”

Shepard’s face was impassive as he stood behind James, noticeably avoiding looking at himself as he reached for more lube. James’ heart ached a little bit at the sight.

“Come on Loco, let’s go,” James made a show of shaking his butt against Shepard, delighting in the small smile on Shepard’s face.

“I was taking it easy on you, ready for the real thing?”

“Get to it, gorgeous.”

“Cocky for someone who’s about to scream my name.”

“Prove it, Loco.”

Shepard pressed into James with one rough thrust, hard enough that James almost lost his footing.

“Arms,” Shepard tapped James’ back, “and arch your back.”

James did as instructed, bringing his arms back into Shepard’s hands and arching his back, “not getting any younger, John.”

Shepard rolled his eyes, “yes dear.”

“Show me what you’re made of, _Commander_.”

Shepard didn’t hesitate, immediately starting a punishing pace pulling a sharp moan from James as he watched Shepard flare a bright blue.

“That’s better,” Shepard didn’t even sound breathless, and James wondered how long he could keep this pace, “let them hear you.”

James glanced at the mirror, seeing Shepard watching between them where he was sinking into James, a flush on his cheeks as he let out a low moan.

“Like what you see, Loco?”

“_Fuck_, yes, James always,” Shepard glanced up at the mirror, locking eyes with James, “you’re perfect.”

“You feel so good,” James adjusted his footing, arching his back further and crying out as Shepard increased his pressure against his prostate, the pleasure making his knees weak.

“I’m going to keep going until you cum around me, James, we aren’t stopping until I get to watch that pretty face of yours as you fall apart under me.”

James groaned, trying to pushing back to meet each thrust, “you need to touch me.”

“No, you’re going to come from this alone. I can tell you want too, the way you’re tightening around me,” Shepard increased the pace leaving James to do nothing but let his head drop and let Shepard take him.

“John, please.”

“I can’t hear you James, speak up.”

“John,” James shouted at the top of a particularly strong thrust, “_please_.”

“Please what?” Shepard’s grip was starting to tighten on James’ wrist, almost bordering on painful.

“Wrists,” James gasped out and Shepard dropped them, grabbing onto the counter on either side of James instead, James placing his hands on top of Shepard’s and using the new leverage to push back into each thrust.

“Okay?” Shepard didn’t slow his movement, but James could see him looking at his wrists in the mirror.

“Good,” James moaned, “so good, come on John, touch me.”

“No, you can come from this, you’re so close and you’re doing so well.”

Below them, James could hear a moan from Steve which signaled his release, Kaidan shouting moments later. Shepard, seemingly spurred on by the sound moaned and bit his lower lip, watching James’ face in the mirror.

James could feel the building tension, the muscles in his legs tightening as his body pushed him toward his peak, meeting Shepard’s eyes in the mirror.

“I can’t” James was pleading, “touch me.”

“You can,” Shepard moved his feet and deepened his thrusts, “I know you can come on.”

The tension was higher now, James’ wanted to close his eyes to focus on the feel of Shepard moving inside of him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away from the intensity of Shepard’s bright blue eyes looking back at him in the mirror.

“_John,”_ James sounded like he was begging, he decided he could be embarrassed about it later, “ah – _fuck_ – John, _please_.”

Suddenly, Shepard biotics moved, rolling over James’ back and around to his cock. The waves he had felt in the bedroom back rolling over his cock where it bounced, aching and untouched between his legs. It was seconds until James was falling apart, coming hard enough his vision whited-out, only vaguely aware that Shepard was following him over the edge as he felt the warmth spill inside him.

James felt Shepard’s arms wrap around him, letting the taller man support him as he tried to catch his breath, bringing his fingers to lace with Shepard’s over his chest as he blinked to bring the focus back to his eyes. James swallowed, noticing that his throat was slightly sore, and let out a breath.

Shepard’s face was hidden where he had it buried against the side of James' neck, panting into the skin.

“Good?” James asked, his voice hoarse.

Shepard nodded, kissing James’ shoulder as he looked up to meet his gaze in the mirror, “we definitely won.”

James laughed, “but they got off first.”

“Maybe, but you screamed,” Shepard brought his hands down James’ arms, running a thumb over his wrists, “did I hurt you?”

“No, you were just getting a little tight,” James looked down at his arms and found no damage, “the counter is a little fucked, though.”

Shepard looked over James’ shoulder, noticing hand-prints in the stainless where he had been holding it, “oh well, at least it wasn’t you.”

“Was it good?”

“Are you really asking that?” Shepard held James by the hip as he gently pulled out, “that was amazing. You should have seen your face as you got off.”

“Told you the mirror was a good idea,” James turned, resting his weight against the counter, “you look pretty fucking sexy as you fall apart too.”

Shepard gave a small, unconvinced, smile, and leaned forward to kiss James, “if you say so.”

“I do,” James wrapped his arms around Shepard, bringing him close enough to lean his head on Shepard’s shoulder, “I’m exhausted.”

“That’s what happens when grown men act like teenagers for the day,” Shepard ran his hand through James' hair, “you get sore and tired.”

“Mmhmm, take me to bed, John.”

“You didn’t want a shower first?”

“Nah, it can wait until morning, I need some cuddle time with my man.”

James let out a squeal as he felt Shepard lift him, one arm behind his knees as James held around Shepard’s neck.

“What? You said you wanted to go to bed,” Shepard walked into the room, with a brief flash of blue the blankets from the bed were moved down and James placed gently on the mattress, “I’m just doing what you want.”

“I can walk, Loco,”

“Can you, after that performance?”

James didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t sure if his knees would have supported him, so he decided instead to roll his eyes as Shepard got into the bed neck to him and pull the blankets over them. Instead of James finding his normal place on Shepard’s chest, he was slightly shocked as Shepard brought his head to James’ shoulder, tangling their legs together.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, John,’ James moved his arm, letting Shepard settle further into his chest as he pulled Shepard closer.

James closed his eyes, letting the warmth of John next to him start to drift him into sleep. He was almost completely asleep when he heard a loud round of applause come from downstairs.

“I told you we won.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where things kind of took a weird turn. I don't know. I'm going to blame it on all the pain meds from surgery and we're going to all learn to live with it. 
> 
> If you're not into open relationships, you're probably best to turn back now, because we are headed down a slippery slope. 
> 
> Also, thank you as always to Aliliypea for reading my stuff and encouraging me. She's the bestest - she also makes super fucking cute mickey mouse ears, so if you want a pair, hit her up.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

It was 3 AM when a light from James’ Omni-tool woke him up. James brushed the sleep from his eyes and looked at Shepard, who remained asleep on his side, facing away from him.

_Lieutenant, can you keep a secret? -DA_

James had to pause for a minute, trying to remember who had the initials DA.

_No problem, what can I do for you, Admiral Anderson – JV_

_I’m sorry, son, I just realized how late it is on the Citadel – DA_

_It’s okay, what did you need -JV_

_I heard the crew of the Normandy is having a little party on the Citadel tomorrow. As it is, I have a day stopover there. I agreed to meet with the council as a stand-in for Udina. I’d like to surprise John, and I was wondering if you would help me – DA_

_Fuck yeah, let's do it – JV_

_Perfect, I obviously know where the apartment is, but I need to know what time I can show up. I was hoping to step in once all the other guests had arrived – DA_

_Party starts at 5, you know Shepard and food, he wants to make sure he can feed everyone around 6. If you come by 6:15, everyone should be here – JV_

_That’s great, Vega. I’ll be there. Am I going to get to meet your uncle? – DA_

_Yeah, he’ll be here – JV_

_Good. A proper family introduction. – DA_

_No pressure – JV_

_If John has decided that you’re the one for him, you’ll have no pressure from me. The shit that boy has been through. Well, he deserves some happiness – DA_

_I’m doing my best – JV_

_You’re doing great. This is probably the best I’ve ever seen him. – DA_

_You’ll get to see him up close and personal tomorrow. John is going to be so excited – JV_

_I’m looking forward to seeing you, too. I’ll be there. Tomorrow, 6:15. Get some rest – DA_

_Yes, sir – JV_

_No need for formality, James. Call me David – DA_

_Good night, David – JV_

_Goodnight, son – DA_

James turned off his Omni-tool and settled down into the bed, wrapping himself around Shepard.

“If you think for one minute I have another round left in me, you’re crazy,” Shepard’s mumbled voice came from the pillow.

“Just cuddling you, John,” James kissed Shepard’s back, “not that I would turn you down if you offered this amazing ass to me,” to punctuate his point, James reached down and gave the muscle a firm squeeze.

“Go to sleep, baby,” Shepard was drifting off again and James smiled at the pet name.

“Love you,” James closed his eyes.

“I love you more.”

***

“Look how cute they are,” Kaidan’s voice was closer than it should be, James’ sleep-addled mind provided.

“Makes you want to get into bed with them, doesn’t it?” Steve supplied, also closer than it should be.

“Then shut up and get into bed,” Shepard’s voice came from where his warm body was rested on his chest, right where it should be.

“What, really?”

“Esteban, shut up and come cuddle or get the fuck out, some of us aren’t awake yet,” James opened an eye and looked at Kaidan and Steve, standing at the door of the bedroom, in boxers, coffees in hand.

Steve looked at Kaidan and shrugged, placing the coffees on the bedside cabinet and getting onto the bed on the side of James that Shepard didn’t occupy, dropping his head on James’ shoulder.

“Morning, Steve,” Shepard reached over, keeping his eyes closed, and pulled Steve further onto James' chest, “he’s more comfortable here.”

There was a dip in the bed and an arm snuck its way around Shepard’s waist, “you’re so warm.”

“Hi, K. Have fun last night?”

“Absolutely,” Kaidan held his head up with a bent arm and looked down at the group, “should this be weird?”

“Do you want it to be weird?”

“No, but it doesn’t seem like something most friends do.”

“It’s probably not, but we’re family, so it’s fine.”

Kaiden paused, then shrugged, “sounds good to me.”

Shepard rolled onto his back, holding James’ hand and letting Kaidan rest his head on his chest, mirroring Steve.

“Morning, John,” James kissed Shepard’s hand.

“Hi, baby,” Shepard wrapped his arm around Kaidan, digging his fingers into the dark curls, “how do you feel today?”

“Awesome,” James looked over at Shepard who still had his eyes closed, relaxed expression on his face as he played with Kaidan’s hair. James noted that the blanket was sitting much lower on Shepard, only just covering his hips, “how about you?”

“Right now, I don’t think I could feel better if I tried.”

Kaidan groaned as Shepard ran his nails over his scalp, “you’ve got magic hands.”

“You have beautiful hair,” Shepard slowly opened his eyes, looking down at Kaidan, “I love these curls, they’re gorgeous.”

“Told you,” came from Steve, who was busying himself tracing the muscles of James’ chest.

“Like what you see, Steve?” Shepard asked, causing Steve to flush and pull his hand back, “by all means, touch. Keep it above the belt and we’re good.”

Shepard closed his eyes again and Steve cautiously resumed his touching, glancing up at James who gave him a reassuring smile.

“This is great,” Kaidan was tracing the lines of the Normandy on Shepard’s chest, “for so much anger, she has a lot of talent.”

“She does,” Shepard confirmed, “but I can understand being mad. One Cerberus test subject to another, they don’t treat us well.”

“Careful,” James spoke to Kaidan as his hands approached the bottom of the Normandy near Shepard’s hips, “he’s sensitive there.”

“Is that so?” Kaidan paused, and looked at James with a raised eyebrow, “bad sensitive?”

“I don’t know what will sneak out of that blanket if you keep going, sensitive,” James watched as Kaidan settled his hand just below Shepard’s belly button, “it got me a pretty decent orgasm, but I don’t know if you want to take it that far.”

The silence was resounding, and it settled over the room in an almost oppressive cloud.

One breath, then two, and then slowly a low chuckle came from Shepard, “well then, K, good to know.”

“Oh my god shut up,” Kaidan turned his face, hiding it in Shepard’s chest.

“I can’t blame the guy, you’re an amazing lay,” James rubbed Steve’s back, not finding any tension there from the ongoing conversation.

“It did sound fun, Commander.”

“You know, now that I know it’s your kink, I don’t think I’ll insist on you calling me Shepard anymore. Doesn’t seem so bad now, does it Major?”

It was Steve’s turn to blush, hiding his face in his hand, “shut up. It was just a slip of the tongue.”

“I’m sure we could come up with better plans for your tongue, Lieutenant,” Shepard responded easily.

“You should kiss John, the rest of us have,” Kaidan supplied, “if James doesn’t mind that is.”

“Not at all,” James was surprised to find that he didn’t, the place that normally held the spark of jealousy just carrying a warmth for the men in his bed.

“It’s can’t be that good to kiss me, I don’t believe it.”

“Can I, uh, try?” Steve looked at Shepard, only James' familiarity with the man allowing him to notice the blush across the dark cheeks.

“If you don’t mind morning breath and you can get over here, sure,” Shepard shrugged, “as Kaidan put it, apparently it’s just a thing now.”

Steve looked over the bed, which despite its large size had been taken over by the various bodies, leaving no room to move, “I think I’m stuck.”

“Here,” James reached over, grabbing Steve’s hips and sliding him sideways, pulling him up to straddle James’ figure.

“Well hello there, Lieutenant,” Steve looked down at James, seemingly surprised at James’ strength, “do you even have anything on under this blanket?”

“No, neither of us does,” James shrugged, “we were naked in the hot tub yesterday, nothing you haven’t seen.”

Steve looked over at Shepard and hesitated, “we’re all really good with this?”

“Shut up and kiss him, Esteban.”

Steve brought a hand up, resting it on the pillow between James and Shepard’s face, stretching his body while trying to maintain his balance. Suddenly, a large hand came up to rest on his side, steadying him. A slightly smaller hand on his other side joined moments later. Steve looked down to see James holding one side, Kaidan holding the other.

“Looks like the team is all for it, Lieutenant,” Shepard had a lazy smile, “get to it.”

“Of course,” Steve let the two men help him lower himself toward Shepard, “Commander.”

Shepard let out a low laugh as Steve pressed their lips together, tilting his head to deepen the kiss, taking his hand from Kaidan’s hair to hold Steve’s jaw as his forked tongue brushed against Steve’s. A needy moan falling from Steve as he brought his free hand to the back of Shepard’s neck, holding him in place.

Steve rocked his hips, by accident James was sure, but the sensation had James’ grip on Steve’s side tightening, pulling him away from the kiss.

“Holy fuck, Commander,” Steve brought himself to sitting, straddling James and placing a hand on his chest over his racing heart.

“Told you,” James let a hand rest on Steve’s thigh, just below his boxers.

“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t wanted to do that since that time we danced at Purgatory.”

“You danced with Shepard at Purgatory? When?” Kaidan asked, resting back on Shepard’s chest.

“Just before I met you,” Steve replied, “I thought we might be a _thing_, at least for that night.”

“We very nearly were,” Shepard squeezed James' hand, “I was very interested, trust me, but I knew I was in love with your best friend. It seemed wrong to bring you back for one night knowing I wanted to be in a relationship with James.”

“You can love one person and sleep with another.”

“Yes, the past few days has certainly been a lesson in that,” Shepard glanced at James, an unreadable expression on his face.

“We don’t mean to intrude,” Kaidan sat up slightly, looking between them, “if we’re taking things out of line, let us know before there are any hurt feelings.”

“Kaidan’s right, we absolutely don’t want to get between you.”

“I don’t think you are,” Shepard said, and James nodded, “just maybe making us think a bit.”

“No issues here,” James confirmed, “I’m in love with John, but I love both of you guys like family.”

“Same,” Shepard agreed.

“Okay, good, well let us know if we start stepping on toes. This is fun right now, but it can flip really easily.” Steve looked down at James, “especially you, Mr. Vega. This is all very new to you.”

“I’m good, Esteban. Promise. I think we should probably all talk about this at some point. Set some guidelines or whatever you do in this situation.”

“Wise words, James,” Kaidan confirmed, “John?”

“It needs to be a conversation if it is something that is going to continue,” Shepard agreed, “and we need to keep our primary relationships a priority while we figure it out.”

The four men sat in silence, the potential of something _more_, in the air.

Shepard broke the silence, “Steve, any pointers on how to navigate this? You’re the one with experience.”

Steve considered, “it all works with honesty, everyone telling the whole truth about how they’re feeling. Start with there.”

“I’ll go first,” Kaidan offered, “we all know that I’m in love with Steve, and I plan on being with him forever. Honestly, though, there has always been a spark between Shepard and I...I think, and it feels nice to just be able to be close with him like this, even if this is all it ever is. It kind of feels like…” Kaidan flushed, “it’s stupid.”

“No it’s not, K, keep going,” Shepard ran a supportive hand over Kaidan’s back.

“Us being close like this kind of feels like it’s fixing the distance that was there after Horizon. That maybe you trust me again.”

Shepard moved, sitting up against the headboard, adjusting the blanket over his hips and patting his lap for Kaidan to straddle him, sitting next to Steve where he was perched on James. Kaidan moved, one knee on either side of Shepard and sitting down gently.

“Right, my turn,” Shepard kept his hands on Kaidan’s legs, thumbs rubbing absentminded circles into the skin, “I was very hurt after Horizon, and you know that, K.”

“I do,” Kaidan looked down, studying his hands in his lap.

“I was certain, _certain_, that you would have stuck by me. After Ashley,” Kaidan winced, “after Saren, all the things that we went through, I was pretty sure that you knew me better than anyone. Further to that, I was carrying a torch for you on the SR1, and I was hoping the SR2 was my chance to tell you.”

James reached over, taking one of Kaidan’s hands where he was wringing them.

“When all the shit with Udina happened,” Shepard reached out encouraging Kaidan to meet his gaze, “I knew I had the real Kaidan back, not the one who was reeling from the loss of a friend. It’s been hard, but I’ve forgiven you for Horizon, now I’m just working on trusting you again, the way I used too.”

Kaidan nodded, “for what it’s worth, I am sorry.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I know that,” Shepard smiled, “I love you, K, you’re like the brother I never had. I’m fucking thrilled that you have Steve, and I love watching you two together. I am, also, obviously attracted to you both. If we can all come to a mutual agreement about rules, I’m happy to see what this turns into. On the one condition, which is that it never costs me James. He’s always going to come first. “

Kaidan looked at Shepard teary-eyed, “I think I need a hug.”

“Then get over here,” Shepard opened his arms and let Kaidan fall against him, kissing his forehead before turning to James, “your turn.”

James considered for a moment, “if this, whatever it is, doesn’t work out, can we go back to being friends without fucking things up?”

“I think so,” Steve answered, “K?”

“Shepard and I have gone through worse than a breakup and survived, I don’t see why not.”

“There’s always going to be hurt feelings, there is in any breakup, but I think we’re mature enough to handle it,” Shepard added.

“This is all new to me anyway,” James continued, “I’m usually really jealous, and I don’t know if I’m going to be good with seeing anyone else with their hands on John. I have really enjoyed the past two days, though.”

“It doesn’t ever have to be more than this,” Steve squeezed James’ hands, “if this is where you’re comfortable, this is where it stays.”

“If we put in a rule where one of us can stop what’s going on, no questions asked, I’m okay to talk about it. For right now, I don’t want to do anything more than this though.”

“Fair,” Steve agreed, “I’m okay with that.”

“Me too,” Kaidan took one of James’ hands, “very good.”

“Loco?”

“My entire life is dedicated to making you happy, James, I’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“Just leaves you, Esteban.”

“You all know I’ve done this before, an open relationship, that is. I can honestly say that I wasn’t looking for another one when I found Kaidan, I really wasn’t. I do think that we could all be really happy being a little bit more than friends, even if it’s never sex. We’re all going through a lot of stress, and sometimes we need a little bit more support than one person can offer, especially you, John. You have the weight of the entire galaxy on your shoulders.”

“I do,” Shepard conceded, “but I always have. I can handle it.”

“Of course you can, no one doubts that, but I would like to be able to help you through it, as more than your shuttle pilot, if you’ll let me. James, you already know how much I adore you, and Kaidan, you’re everything to me. I think we could all be a very strong relationship together, and once the boundaries are decided, it might be worth exploring.”

“It sounds like we’re agreed then. Boundaries, no questions asked veto, and our primary relationships always come first, yes?”

There was a collective nod.

“This is one of the weirdest mornings I’ve ever had,” James looked between them, “I’m still naked and I just had the strangest conversation imaginable.”

“Do you want your man back, so you guys can talk?” Kaidan asked from where he was still resting against Shepard.

James thought about it for a moment before realizing that no, he didn’t want the two other men to leave, “no, stay, I’m good.”

“What time is it, anyway?” Shepard took the coffee from the bedside cabinet and took a drink, “I’m still exhausted.”

“0700,” Kaidan checked his Omni-tool, “we woke up early and were planning on just leaving the coffees here.”

“Right, well Major I think I need to make a command decision.”

“Alright,” Kaidan looked at Shepard, “what?”

“James and I need to get boxers on, then we’re all getting into bed for a nap. We’re going to be partying late into the night, and we need our rest.”

“Seconded,” James chimed in, “but I’m not getting out of bed to get them.”

“I will,” Steve offered, “in the closet? Which drawer is who’s?”

“We share, it doesn’t matter.”

“Really? You don’t have different clothes?”

“Well we did, once, but we wear the same size so who cares?” Shepard pat Kaidan’s flank, urging him to get up as Steve returned with the boxers, sliding them on under the sheets and waiting for James to do the same before throwing back the blanket, “two biotics in bed is going to be hot enough, we don’t need this.”

“How do you want to do this?” Steve looked over the bed, “it’s certainly big enough for all of us, but do you want Kaidan and I next to each other, or what?”

“Steve just get in bed,” James pulled Steve down next to him, turning to face Shepard as Steve settled behind him spooning against him, “turn over Loco, I’m going to be a spoon sandwich.”

Shepard did, turning to face Kaidan and letting James tuck in behind him, “come on K, you get to be the smallest spoon.”

James found it endearing how pleased the older man looked at the thought as Shepard pulled him snug against him, startling slightly as Steve placed a gentle kiss on his back.

“Sorry, too much?”

“No, you’re good.”

“This is awesome,” Kaidan chimed in from his corner of the bed, “I feel like the safest person in the galaxy right now. I can’t even think of the last time I felt like I could just sleep and be safe.”

Shepard wrapped his arm tight over Kaidan’s waist, kissing his shoulder, “go to sleep, K, we’ve got you.”

“Damn straight,” James closed his eyes, “no one is touching my men.”

“Love you, James.”

“Love you more, Loco.”

“Shhh, it’s sleeping time,” Kaidan complained, “we can love each other later.”

“Are you sassing us, Major?”

James turned his head, whispering to Steve, “if Shepard were to leave a love bite on Kaidan’s shoulder?”

“Fully supported and encouraged,” Steve responded, equally quietly, “sometimes the only way to teach him a lesson.”

“You heard him, Loco.”

“What are you guys whispering about? Oh…” Kaidan let out a low moan as Shepard’s mouth closed around where his shoulder met his neck, biting down and sucking against the skin, “_John,_ fuck, what are you doing?”

Shepard pulled off of Kaidan’s neck with a pop, admiring the purple bruise left behind, “getting you back for sassing us, it was James’ idea, Steve approved.”

“Great, it’s going to be so easy to sleep now.”

“You alright, Major, you’re looking awfully flushed,” Steve called.

“Beautiful though,” James reached past Shepard to squeeze Kaidan’s waist, in turn, pushed Shepard closer to Kaidan.

“Current heart rate of 109 beats per minute, should I call Chakwas?”

“Fuck you guys.”


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

It was too hot, much too hot.

James opened his eyes to see that in their sleep, Kaidan had moved between him and Shepard, and was mostly sleeping on top of him, sprawled across his chest with their legs tangled together. Shepard’s arm was wrapped over both of them, his body lying tight against Kaidan’s side.

James turned and found Steve sitting up, leaning against the headboard looking down at the sleeping group with an easy smile.

“Alright, Mr. Vega?”

“Cooking to death, but there are worse ways to go,” James reached out and rested a hand on Steve’s leg, “you?”

“I can’t think of the last time I was this happy,” Steve reached for James’ hand, linking their fingers together, “it feels like it’s been a long time. You three are bed hogs and I woke up a few minutes ago when you almost sent me flying.”

Shepard shifted, rolling on his back and stretching before opening his eyes and looking over at James with a small smile, “that’s fucking adorable.”

“Leave the Major alone, he’s tired,” James reached up with his now freed arm and wrapped it around Kaidan.

“Steve you’re on the edge of the bed, get over here so you don’t fall off,” Shepard pat the bed beside him.

Steve moved, walking around the bed and sitting beside Shepard, leaving a space between them

“Do I smell or something?”

“No, I just didn’t want to assume,” Steve yelped as Shepard pulled him over, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a hug.

The commotion woke Kaidan, who groaned and buried his face into James’ neck, “who am I laying on?”

“Me,” James ran a hand over Kaidan’s back, “our boys are cuddling next to us.”

“I’m being manhandled,” Steve complained from where he was tight against Shepard’s taller form, almost straddling, almost falling into Kaidan.

“If I couldn’t tell how much you like being manhandled, Lieutenant, I would stop,” Shepard kept a hand on Steve’s lower back as he moved to pull away, “relax.”

“I’m trying very hard not to cross any boundaries,” Steve held still, “James is my best friend.”

“I’m right here, Esteban, if I wanted to complain, I would,” James carded his fingers through Kaidan’s hair, “besides, I’ve got my hands full of the Major.”

“What time is it?” Shepard turned on his Omni-tool, “0900, we slept for a couple of hours.”

“Some of us are still trying to sleep,” Kaidan said, mostly muffled by James’ neck, “I’ve got a big pillow of muscle and you guys are being noisy.”

“Well you can likely use him as a pillow again tonight, I’m sure the sleeping arrangements are going to be tight with everyone coming over,” Shepard grinned at Steve as he finally relaxed against him, tracing the lines of his tattoo, “I figure it will be easier if the four of us are in here.”

“Are we going to tell the crew what’s going on?”

“I wouldn’t even know how to explain it to them, babe. What do I say? Kaidan is with Steve, I’m with you, and we’re kind of together, but we don’t know how yet. They won’t ask questions, they’ll just assume it’s some kinky sex orgy, we’ll get a few jokes, and they’ll leave us alone. I say we let them come up with whatever they want.”

“Joker is going to be the worst,” Kaidan moved, rolling over James to lay on this other side so he could see everyone, “like literally the worst.”

“Yeah, he sure is.”

“My god, you two run so hot,” James took a deep breath as the cooler air of the room touched the skin Kaidan had just vacated.

“Imagine how hot it would be if we were doing other activities, I’d have to turn the air conditioning on.”

“Yeah, like what?”

“Me fucking you from behind like last night, while you fuck Kaidan bent over the bed, Kaidan sucking Steve off as he reclines on the edge of the bed,” Shepard talked almost absentmindedly, only looking up when he realized that everyone was staring at him, “what? Just because I was single forever doesn’t mean that I don’t have a creative imagination. It might shock you all to know that I’ve been in bed with multiple people before.”

“That was…” Steve started.

“Hot as hell,” James finished.

“Quite a mental image, but I think I would last about five minutes,” Kaidan looked over James, “I think your man would ruin me.”

“Nah, he’s a great top.”

“Is that so.”

“Absolutely, he’s a great bottom too, you really can’t go wrong. You could always switch things up, K, try some new things.”

Kaidan’s blush was marvelous as he gaped at Shepard, “you have a filthy mouth, Commander, _filthy_.”

“From what I remember of last night, _Major_, you like my filthy mouth,” Shepard stuck his tongue out at Kaidan.

“Judging by what’s pressed up against me, Loco, he likes everything about what you’re saying.”

“Is that so?” Shepard twisted to kiss James, making a show of it as their tongues touched, smiling as Kaidan groaned beside them.

“That conversation about boundaries needs to happen, like _ASAP.” _Steve trailed his fingers over Shepard’s stomach, watching the two men kiss, “because I am one permission slip away from stripping James down and seeing what he’s been hiding under those gym shorts.”

“Fuck Steve, we can’t keep up with these two. You couldn’t have found us less intense boyfriends?”

“Boyfriends, eh?” James winked at Shepard, “I went from one boyfriend to three?”

“I didn’t mean to assume,” Kaidan backpedaled.

“Right, let’s get up,” Shepard started.

“Kaidan is already _up_, Loco,” James interrupted.

“Alright, let me rephrase, let’s get dressed, and then we can go out to breakfast and talk about it.”

“Our stuff is downstairs, and I want a shower, can we meet you downstairs in a half-hour?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard moved his arm so Steve could get out of bed, “see you then.”

Kaidan moved from his place next to James, trying, and failing, to conceal the bulge in the front of his boxers.

“Hey Major,” Shepard called to Kaidan as he made for the door, “impressive.”

“Why do you guys always pick on me,” Kaidan groaned, closing the bedroom door as he followed Steve down the stairs.

“What have we gotten ourselves into, Loco?”

“Are you okay with this? I mean really. Kaidan and Steve aren’t here, and from what I can hear it sounds like they’re getting into the shower together if you want to talk about it, just us, we have time.”

“I’m actually really good with it,” James hesitated.

“But?”

“But, I guess I don’t want to lose your attention or worry about you leaving me for the Major.”

“You’ll never lose my attention,” Shepard assured, “I’m in love with you. You’ll always be my first priority.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Shepard moved to straddle James, “and I will never, _ever_, leave you for K.”

“Do you want to sleep with him?”

“In the interest of honesty, yes. I’m attracted to him, I’m also attracted to Steve. We won’t do any of those things if they make you uncomfortable though.”

“I don’t know if they make me uncomfortable or not,” James responded, “the things you were saying earlier were really sexy, and they sounded amazing, but to actually see you touching someone else might be hard.”

“Then they won’t touch me,” Shepard said easily, “if you’re not totally okay with it.”

“Would you be okay with them touching me?”

“Absolutely, so long as I was in the room. I think that would be my limit. I don’t mind playing, as long as we’re playing together. Once we start keeping secrets, we’re going to have problems.”

James pulled Shepard down for a kiss, sliding his hands under the back of his boxers and holding him close, “That might be an okay rule. As long as we have my veto clause in place.”

“I think that’s fair” Shepard agreed, “so, just so we’re on the same page, we’re good for anything, as long as it’s together. No playing alone unless it’s you and me. Veto any activities, no questions asked.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Shower?”

“Yes please, we have a double date and I smell like sex and sweat,” James let Shepard pull him to standing.

“Is it considered a double date if we’re all dating?”

“No idea, Loco.”

***

“Can I pick what you wear?” James asked Shepard as he finished in the shower.

“Sure, if you want,” Shepard rinsed the shampoo from his hair and looked over to James, “why?”

“Testing something,” James wrapped a towel around his waist and headed toward the closet, opening and closing the drawers until he had found the perfect outfit, bringing it out to Shepard where he was sitting on the bed.

“What are you testing?”

“I think that Steve has a thing for how big you are,” James passed the clothes to Shepard, “he used to spar with me and I would always end up pinning him. I thought I was really good, but he was a boxing champ in high school, so I started thinking that maybe he just wanted to be pinned down. I noticed that he likes to stand near taller guys, and you’re a lot taller than him.”

“Very observant, you’re going to do so well in N7,” Shepard pulled on the tight boxers and black jeans that James had picked for him, “so why did you pick these clothes?”

“They make you look as big as you are, instead of hiding your height and your strength. I want to see what he does.” James went back into the closet, retrieving his own clothes, electing to dress in his usual cargo pants and a black t-shirt.

“You want me to spend breakfast seeing if he’s turned on because I’m a giant?” Shepard pulled on the fitted long sleeve shirt. It was dark grey, with a scoop neck which showed off Shepard’s shoulders, and it was snug enough that every dip of the muscles of his arms was visible, “I think this shirt fit me like 20 pounds ago.’

“It’s perfect,” James brought Shepard into the bathroom and stood him in front of the mirror, “look.”

“I’d rather not,” Shepard kept his eyes on James, “I’ll take your word for it.”

“You’re right, I need to do your hair first,” James took some product and ran his hands through his hair, fixing his mohawk before using the leftovers to style Shepard’s hair, “there, now look.”

Shepard rolled his eyes, but humored James and glanced in the mirror, “yep, that looks like me.”

“Sexy. It looks sexy. Can I make one change?”

“Sure.”

James reached into Shepard’s shirt and pulled his dog tags out to rest against the grey fabric, “perfect.”

“Our men are waiting, are you done?”

“You really hate standing in front of a mirror, don’t you? It’s not a little thing for you, it’s a serious thing.”

“Yes, it’s a serious thing,” Shepard shifted uncomfortably, “can we go?”

“Kiss first,” James tilted his face up, pleased when Shepard immediately leaned forward to press their lips together, “okay, let's go. Is it weird that I’m nervous?”

“No, I think that’s probably pretty normal,” Shepard opened the bedroom door for James, “remember, you have total control in this.”

James jogged down the stairs, smiling at Steve where he was pacing by the door, “Esteban, you’re going to wear a hole in the floor.”

“He was worried that you guys had changed your mind,” Kaidan walked from their bedroom, “he’s been fretting since we came downstairs.”

“When have you ever known me to change my mind about food?” Shepard moved to stand next Steve, remembering what James had said and stood at his full height, emphasizing the height difference between them.

Steve swallowed hard, looking up at Shepard, “that’s true.”

“Relax, Steve, you’re more nervous than any of us.”

“Nah, I think I’m good company for Steve in the nerves department,” James wrapped his arm around Steve’s shoulder, “but let's do it anyway.”

Shepard opened the front door, holding it open for the other, “after you.”

“Such manners,” Kaidan joked, “hoping for some action later?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard locked the apartment and followed behind them, “we’ll need to take the car.”

“Where are we going?” Kaidan followed James into the elevator, pressing the button for the parking garage.

“I know a little place, they were willing to open their private room for us. Family-run joint, they make amazing strawberry cheesecake pancakes,” Shepard led the group over to his car, unlocking it.

“What’s under the tarp?” Steve pointed to a grey dust-covered tarp near the car.

“My bike,” Shepard walked over and grabbed the cloth, pulling it from the bike with a flourish.

“Holy shit, Loco, that’s sexy,” James walked around the motorcycle. It was black, a matte paint over the bulk of the body minus where two thin white stripes and one thick red stripe followed the lines of the bike, “N7?”

“I have a theme if you can’t tell,” Shepard straddled the bike, “it’s actually from New York, Anderson bought it for me for my 18th birthday. I had it painted just after I finished N7. Want to hear it running?”

“God yes,” Steve flushed, “sorry, I love motorcycles.”

“Me too,” Shepard pressed a switch at the front of the bike and the headlight turned on, “she’s loud, just a warning.”

Shepard pushed out the kick start, pushing down once, the bike roaring to life. Shepard adjusted his seat and revved the engine.

“What I wouldn’t give for a ride on that,” Steve moved to stand closer.

“The bike, or Shepard?” Kaidan smiled at Steve, rolling his eyes at the enthusiasm.

“Both,” Steve looked over the various gauges by Shepard’s hands, “it’s amazing.”

“We can take it if you want. James has the key for the sky car, he can drive Kaidan and we can take the bike?”

“Really?”

“Sure, I have an extra helmet. Babe, do you mind?” Shepard pulled down the kickstand for the bike, moving to a locker nearby.

“Nah, go for it. I like driving the car,” James unlocked the car and gestured for Kaidan to get in.

“You’re going to be careful, right?” Kaidan asked as Shepard passed Steve a helmet.

“Yes, Major, I will be careful,” Shepard pulled out a smaller leather Jacket, “this might fit you, Steve, I’ve always been tall, but I used to be thinner, so it shouldn’t swim on you.” “

“Promise?”

Shepard turned to Kaidan, “K, I promise I will be careful with your man.”

“Okay,” Kaidan got in the car.

“I’ll send you the coordinates,” Shepard pulled them up on his Omni-tool and sent them to James, “or you can just follow me.”

“Don’t go fast, or you’ll stress out the Major,” James got into the car, rolling down the window and shutting the door, “he’s a ball of nerves in here.”

Shepard pulled on the full-face helmet, lifting the visor, “imagine what he’s going to be like when he gets you naked.”

“You guys aren’t helping, can we just go?” Kaidan pouted.

“Steve, you ready?”

“If you are, Commander.”

Shepard straddled the bike, kicking back the stand and sliding forward to make room for Steve, “hop on.”

Steve slid behind Shepard, trying to move back to leave a bit of space between them.

“Not the time to be shy, Steve, grab on, move closer, and move with me as I go,” Shepard reached behind him and pulled Steve’s arms around his waist, “if you fall off K will kill me. Ready?”

“Let’s go.”

Shepard pulled the bike out of the parking space, James following close behind in the car.

“Okay Major?”

“My future husband is on the back of the motorcycle with John Shepard, who can’t drive the Mako if you paid him. I’m great.”

“Shepard wouldn’t let him get hurt, that’s why Steve has the jacket on and he doesn’t,” James kept an eye on Shepard as they navigated a tight turn into heavy traffic, “he’s being careful.”

“Why is he taking us on such a busy road?”

“Because that’s the way there.”

“That taxi just cut them off,” Kaidan pointed, “what the fuck!”

“John saw it coming, they’re fine,” James reached over and put a hand on Kaidan’s thigh, “easy, Major.”

Kaidan looked at the hand for a minute before taking it in his own, “sorry, I think I’m stressed because his ring is ready. I got the message this morning.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“Now I have to get the guts to ask him.”

“The answer is going to be yes, so don’t worry about that,” James gave Kaidan’s hand a reassuring squeeze, “he’s so in love you with.”

“The feeling is mutual. I get the impression that you and John aren’t too far behind.”

James shrugged, “he wants to wait until after, so we wait, but I wouldn’t say no if he asked me now.”

“And what about this,” Kaidan pointed to their hands entwined on his lap, “how are you feeling about it?”

“Good so far, Major. How about you?”

“Excited,” Kaidan looked out the window, “and nervous.”

“I’m nervous too,” James gave Kaidan a small smile, “but, if anyone can make this weird arrangement work, Shepard can.”

“You’re not wrong. It looks like we’re here,” Kaidan pointed to where Shepard had pulled into a parking space, pulling off his helmet.

James parked the car next to the bike, getting out and stretching, “I love this car, Loco.”

“Yeah?”

“She’s beautiful,” James leaned against the hood as Steve pulled off his helmet.

Shepard brought up his Omni-tool, flipping through something James couldn’t see. Moments later, his own Omni-tool chimed, he didn’t need to look at it, already knowing what had happened.

“Did you just transfer this car to me, Loco?”

“Are you going to be mad if I say yes?”

James considered, “no, probably not.”

“Well, you’re in luck, I just put it our joint names,” Shepard held out a hand for James, who took it and followed Shepard to the doors of the restaurant, “I’d like to do that with the apartment, too, if you’re okay with it. It means that if anything happens to me, you still have a place.”

“If you’re sure,” James stood next to Shepard, looking at Kaidan and Steve who didn’t seem remotely shocked, “we’ve only been together a couple weeks…”

“Are you planning on leaving?”

“No, I’m planning on marrying you.”

“Then we should be fine,” Shepard waved at the waitress who let out a happy “John!” and ran over.

“John, how are you?” Shepard hugged the small human woman. She was middle-aged, long grey hair tied back in an elaborate braid, bright green eyes, and a friendly smile which immediately endeared James to her “which one of these strapping young men is yours?”

“Luna, may I introduce you to Lieutenant James Vega, the love of my life,” Shepard gave a sweeping bow, much to the delight of Luna who immediately fussed over James.

“He’s lovely, John. So strong! You must spend a fortune feeding him,” Luna pulled James into a hug without letting him speak, “you always had a good eye. Who else did you bring?”

“Major Kaidan Alenko, and Lieutenant Steve Cortez.”

“Well that’s wonderful, the more the merrier. Do you work together?”

“We are with Shepard on the Normandy,” Kaidan confirmed, letting Luna hug him, “we also live with Shepard on the Citadel.”

“Oh!” Luna looked between them, “so you have three young men?”

“That’s what we’re here to figure out, which is why I needed the private room,” Shepard smiled at Luna as she busied herself gathering menus, “I’ve missed you guys.”

“You’ve missed our pancakes, John, don’t try and sweet talk me,” Luna waved them toward the back of the restaurant.

“Hey, who do you think fixed your roof?” Shepard played offended.

“Ah! Beau owes me 50 credits, I told him it was you,” Luna opened a door which opened into a fair-sized room off of the main restaurant, “take a seat, the rooms are soundproof, so whatever you say in here will stay in here. Did you boys want coffee?”

“Please,” Shepard took a seat, “thank you.”

“I’ll be right back,” Luna shut the door behind her as she went off to retrieve the drinks.

“You just told that nice old lady that you have three boyfriends?” Steve looked at the door, “she’s probably scandalized.”

“First of all, Luna isn’t old. Secondly, this is hardly the strangest thing she’s heard of.”

“How do you know?”

“She’s ex-N7,” Shepard chuckled, “this is one of the rooms where we meet to discuss missions. That’s why I picked this place, it’s bug-free and the press isn’t allowed in. She was the one that stitched up that big scar on my side you like to play with, James.”

“Oh, huh, guess I never thought about what happened to the N7 crew, after,” James shrugged, “I figured…”

“What, that we all die?” Shepard picked up the menu and looked it over, “you’re mostly right, but we have Luna and Anderson, so it’s not always that way.”

“How is your dad?” Luna walked in with four coffee cups and a coffee pot, “I haven’t seen him around much.”

“He’s still on earth, and fine, last I spoke with him,” Shepard took the coffee gratefully, “want me to send your love?”

“Tell him he still owes me for that time on Thessia,” Luna filled the other cups, “he told me that gun held six rounds, let me tell you, John, it held five. That’s a pretty big fucking difference when you’re looking an angry Krogan in the face.”

“It sure is.”

“Idiot,” Luna left the coffee pot on the table, “I’ll be back in a few minutes for your order.”

“Holy shit,” Steve looked after her, “she’s amazing.”

“Wait until you try her food.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting into smut territory. 
> 
> I don't know if I should apologize or not.  
Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“That was life-changing,” Steve pushed an empty plate across the table, and tilted his head back with eyes closed, “it was almost as good as Vega’s cooking.”

“Nothing is as good as James’ cooking,” Shepard stretched, two empty plates in front of him, “he’s a fucking master in the kitchen.”

“So,” Kaidan looked between the men, “who starts the awkward conversation?”

“I think you just did, K,” Shepard responded, “why don’t we start with limits, then we can decide on expectations.”

“John and I talked about it, a bit, this morning,” James reached for Shepard’s hand, who took it without hesitation, “we think there needs to be a rule of an instant veto. If one of us says stop, and that’s it. No questions asked.”

“No problem with that here,” Kaidan looked to Steve, “I’m sure Steve is good with it.”

“Absolutely,” Steve nodded.

“We also discussed no playing apart,” Shepard continued, “I’m not into sharing for the most part anyway, but, if we’re always all involved, I think I could be okay with it. No one is taking James for a secret romp.”

“Also fair,” Steve agreed.

“Well, then, any limits from you guys?” Shepard poured more coffee and looked much more comfortable than James felt.

“We said similar when we talked about it, that for now, it needed to be a group activity, and that if someone is uncomfortable with anything, it doesn’t happen. James,” Kaidan turned to him, “we’re also not ignoring the fact that you don’t have a lot of experience with men and that John might be the only guy you’re attracted too. If you find as we’re going along that Steve and I don’t do it for you, we won’t be offended.”

“I appreciate the consideration, Major, but I don’t think that’s something you need to worry about,” James gave Kaidan a flirtatious wink, “ever since I saw those beautiful curls of yours, I’ve been very interested.

“We’re agreed on the limits then,” Shepard chuckled as Kaidan blushed at James’ attention, “what are the expectations?”

“What do you and James want?” Steve asked, “you didn’t seem sure this morning.”

“I’m not sure now,” Shepard shrugged, “this is new territory to me. I’ve had sex with more than one person before, but that was just sex. I don’t think any of us can honestly say this is just sex.”

“No, I don’t think we can,” Steve leaned forward, resting his chin on his hands, “Is that a problem?”

“Not for me, James?”

“No, Loco, I’m good.”

“Can I just throw an idea out there?” Kaidan between them, “why don’t just treat this as a new relationship. If we set all these expectations, we’re going to feel like we have to meet them. If we just go out, go back to the house, and see where things take us, it might be easier. If one of us says stop, we stop, and it’s just that easy.”

“I can work with that,” Shepard relaxed back into his chair, “I’m not romantic in the slightest, just a warning.”

“Says the man who rescued my uncle, and then bought a warehouse to keep his squad safe,” James rolled his eyes, “and took Steve out on his bike because he was excited when he saw it.”

“So… we good? All on the same page?”

“Looks that way, Major. Assuming neither of you has any kinks that are out of left field we should be fine.

“James, baby, I haven’t even shown you half of my kinks,” Shepard chuckled, “I don’t think Kaidan and Steve are going to be your problem.”

“You know, I heard there’s a members-only sex store on the Citadel,” Steve refilled his coffee, taking a sip, “it might be a load of bullshit, but it sounded neat.”

“Where did you hear about that, Esteban?”

“Down at the docks, apparently you get this metal card and you need to show it at the door to get in. See that’s what we need, we could go through a store like that and see what we’re mutually interested in.”

The table went quiet as Shepard dropped a steel card, no larger than a business card, between them with a grin.

“Is that?”

“A membership card to the top-secret sex store that you’re talking about? Yes, it is. Would you like to go?”

“How did you get that?” Steve picked up the card, flipping it over in his hands.

“Steve,” Shepard leveled a look at him, “really?”

“It’s meant to be really hard to get into.”

“So is N7, the Spectres, and the Omega 4 relay,” Shepard shrugged, “never stopped me before.”

“You know there is something incredibly sexy about how capable you are, Commander,” Steve flushed as soon as the title slipped from his mouth, “John.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Shepard held his hand out for the card, taking it from Steve and putting it back in his pocket, “would you guys like to go?”

“I’m down, we’re almost out of lube anyway.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Kaidan moved to stand, “just need to settle the bill.”

“If you think I’m letting you pay, you’re nuts,” Shepard drained his coffee cup, “let’s go, Lust opens soon and if we get there early enough, we can have the private room.”

“It’s called Lust?”

“It sure is,” Shepard held the door for the men, making his way to the front counter and over to Luna.

“Did you young men sort out your business?” Luna asked as she pulled up their bill.

“We did,” Shepard paid the bill, leaving a tip which made Luna roll her eyes.

“Honestly, John, the roof was enough,” Luna came from behind the counter to give him a hug, “are you around long?”

“I think a few more days, they needed to source a part for the Normandy, it won’t be in until tomorrow.”

“Will you be by again?” Luna pulled James into a hug, “it was nice to meet you, dear.”

“We certainly will come by before we leave,” Shepard took a mint from a large bowl on the counter.

“You better be, tell that dad of yours that I’m watching for him.”

“Yes, Luna, I will,” Shepard pulled the door open, “see you soon.”

Shepard walked toward his bike, pointing out two people who had gathered around it to take pictures.

“I think that’s Commander Shepard’s motorcycle, my dad said he saw him riding it on the Citadel once,” the young recruit turned to his friend, a similarly aged girl wearing a standard basic training uniform, “I’d love to meet him, he’s the only reason I enlisted.”

“Well, that’s always nice to hear,” Shepard smiled as the two jumped, “hopefully it wasn’t just me.”

“Oh my god, it’s Commander Shepard,” the young man gaped, “oh my god.”

“Not a god, just a man,” Shepard held his hand out, “John Shepard.”

“Alex Williamson,” Alex took Shepard’s hand, “this is Lorna.”

“Lorna, nice to meet you,” Shepard shook her hand next, “this is Lieutenant James Vega, Major Kaidan Alenko, and Lieutenant Steve Cortez” Shepard introduced them, “and yes, that’s my bike.”

“Oh, sorry, we just wanted to take a picture of it.”

“it’s no problem, you can sit on it if you want,” Shepard moved the helmets from the bike, “Kaidan can take your picture on it.”

“Can you be in the picture too?” Alex blushed, “you’re probably busy.”

“Not too busy for a picture,” Shepard pointed at the bike, “get on, K will take it.”

Alex, with a great amount of care, sat on Shepard’s bike, Lorna moving to sit behind him, Shepard wrapping his arms around the both of them for Kaidan to take the picture.

“That’s amazing Commander, thank you,” Alex stepped off the bike.

“You saved me,” Lorna blurted out, “do you remember?”

“Benning?” Shepard asked, and Lorna nodded, “I thought so. Are you alright?”

“You got shot, I should be asking if you’re alright.”

“I get shot a lot,” Shepard tugged up the side of his shirt, showing her the scars, “I’m all healed now.”

“Thank you, Commander, after I was dropped off at the Citadel I decided to enlist with Alex. I want to make a difference like you do.”

“I’m sure you will. Right now, we need all the helpers we can get.”

“We should let you go, thank you for your time,” Lorna shook Shepard’s hand, “and for Benning.”

“You’re very welcome. They’re working on the Normandy down in the docking bays if you want to see her up close.”

“Oh, sweet, let’s go check it out,” Alex took Lorna by the hand, “bye Commander!”

“See you around, Alex.”

“Adorable,” James leaned against the car.

“Shut up,” Shepard pulled on his helmet to hide his flush.

“You have fans,” Kaidan elbowed James with a smile, “your man is famous.”

“Our man,” James corrected, “and it’s horrible, so look forward to competition with literally everything that has a fucking pulse.”

“Only have eyes for you, babe,” Shepard stepped over the bike and gestured for Steve to join him, “you guys following me?”

“Sounds good.”

***

Lust was hidden in a warehouse which, to the average observer, appeared to be largely deserted. Shepard brought the motorcycle to a stop off to one side of a small garage beside the unit, waving for James and Kaidan to pull the car in.

“This place looks,” Steve looked around, “dangerous.”

Shepard wrapped an arm over Steve’s shoulder, “I’ll keep you safe.”

Steve paused for a minute before wrapping his arm around Shepard’s waist, “I’m sure you will.”

“You always hesitate when you touch me, do I make you uncomfortable.?”

“I’m more worried about making you uncomfortable,” Steve waved at Kaidan as he came from the car.

“Steve, I mean this with as much love as possible, but I’m at least 9 inches taller than you. With all the implants, I’m weighing in at close to 275 lbs. If you do something that I don’t like, I’m more than capable of stopping you.”

“You’re a giant, Loco.”

Steve let out a low whine, “_fuck_.”

“I mean look at him, Esteban, his arms are bigger than mine,” James grabbed at Shepard’s bicep, making a show of the size difference.

“He’s going to blow a gasket,” Kaidan smiled at Steve as he stared at Shepard’s arms.

“Alright, _Lieutenant?”_

“Alright, you've figured me out,” Steve took a deep breath and a step back from Shepard, “I like big guys.”

“James figured it out first,” Shepard pulled the metal card from his pocket, “he picked the outfit too.”

“Well thank you for that, Vega, I know what I’m going to be jerking off too later.”

“You’re very welcome. Just ask him to get naked and flex if it does it for you.”

“Like Shepard would do that.”

“I would absolutely do that,” Shepard walked over to the door, knocking hard, twice.

A small slot opened in the door and Shepard passed the card through, “I have three guests.”

There was a pause, and then a loud clunk as the door unlocked and swung inwards, revealing an Asari standing against a black hallway with small blue lights running along the floorboards.

“John, it’s been a while.”

“Sorry about that, dying tends to fuck with your plans.”

The Asari stepped from the darkness, walking a slow circle around Shepard, “they did a wonderful job of rebuilding you.”

“Let's not go that far,” Shepard met her gaze as she stopped in front of him, “I was hoping that the private room was open.”

“It is.”

“May we use it?”

“Who are your guests?”

“Kaidan Alenko, James Vega, and Steve Cortez.”

“They are all yours?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve certainly done well, John,” the Asari didn’t conceal the way her gaze traveled over their bodies, “attractive men.”

“They are,” Shepard confirmed.

“You may call me Marie,” Marie spoke to James, Kaidan, and Steve, “if you’re with John you may come in.”

“Thank you, Marie,” Shepard waited for Marie to walk back into the hallway before following her and waving for the others to follow him.

Once over the threshold, the door automatically shut behind them, locking in place. The hallway appeared to go on for much longer than the outside of the warehouse looked like it would facilitate. Eventually, they arrived at a door with a biometric scanner.

“John,” Marie waved and Shepard stepped forward, resting his palm on the scanner. The door cracked open, a crack of light appearing around the edges, “are they going to be on your tab, or would you like me to make separate accounts?”

“With me.”

“Perfect,” Marie swung the door open, holding it for them to enter.

The room was lavish, with dark wood floors, a deep purple paint on the walls, and multiple deep wood cabinets around the walls showcasing various items. On the far side of the room was a large computer terminal, as well as multiple leather couches. In the corner, a velvet curtain surrounded a small dressing room.

“Would you like me to explain, or will you?” Marie asked from the door.

“I will.”

“Wonderful, I will bring in some drinks.”

The door shut behind Marie as she left, leaving Kaidan, Steve, and James to look around the room in wonder.

“There are rules,” Shepard pointed to the door where a small poster detailed them, “basically, no trying without buying, you break it, you bought it, and if you’re going to have sex in here, there is a 50 credit charge.”

“I thought they would have more,” Steve walked over to one case and looked inside.

“They do, that’s what the terminal is for,” Shepard pointed, “you type for what you’re looking for, it comes from the warehouse and it gets delivered up here.”

Shepard walked over to the couch and dropped down, “well, go take a look.”

Kaidan and Steve walked over to the terminal browsing through the menus while James walked around the room.

“Vega, get over here,” Steve looked delighted, “you have to see this.”

“What’s got you so excited, Esteban?” James walked over and looked over Steve’s shoulder, “is that… a harness?”

“It sure is, and Shepard would look hot as hell in it.”

“Then ask them to bring it up,” Shepard walked over to a cabinet and pulled a large silver ring from inside, “I’ll try it on.”

“Really?”

“Steve, we talked about the very real possibility of us all having sex, do you really think me getting undressed for you is a problem?”

“I didn’t think you would be into leather play.”

“As I said to James,” Shepard walked over to the terminal, scanning the ring and placing it in a black bag, “I have a lot of interests.”

“That’s a beast of a cock ring, John,” Kaidan observed.

“I’m not a small man, K.”

Steve hesitated over the screen, jumping when James pressed the button for him, “Esteban, be brave.”

“What did you want to look at, babe?” Shepard grabbed a bottle of lube and added it to the bag.

“I don’t know where to start,” James followed Shepard around the room.

“What have we done so far that you enjoyed?”

“That night you tied me up was pretty good.”

“Sensation play,” Shepard directed James to a display case, “look in here and see if something interests you. If you have questions about what something is, you can ask me or scan it to the terminal.”

The door opened and Marie entered carrying a small silver tray with four coffees on it, “gentlemen, I’ve brought you some refreshments.”

“Thank you, Marie,” Shepard took one of the drinks, “how has business been?”

“Understandably slow, given the current world events,” Marie opened the door when there was a knock and retrieved a package from a Krogan at the door, “from the warehouse.”

Shepard took the package, “well, it seems like we’re going to be spending some money today. Hopefully, that will pick things up for you a bit.”

Marie smiled, “I can give you the room for an hour, it’s reserved after that.”

“No problem, I appreciate you letting us in on the short notice.”

“I couldn’t turn away one of my best customers,” Marie gave a small bow and walked from the room.

“Best customers?”

“Why are you all surprised I have a sexual side,” Shepard opened the bag and pulled a bundle of leather straps from inside, “just because I haven’t been fucking half the ship doesn’t mean I’m boring in bed.”

“Can I see it?” Steve walked over and took the leather from Shepard, “wow, this is beautifully made.”

“It better be, for what it costs.”

“Well, Commander, you’re all for getting undressed for us, let’s see it on,” Steve held out the harness to Shepard.

Shepard paused, seeming to consider something before tugging off his shirt and tossing it to the couch. His dog tags were taken off next and carefully placed around James’ neck. James felt, rather than saw, a shift in Shepard as he turned to Steve, a coil of excitement that he couldn’t explain settling in his core.

“You want me to put this on, Lieutenant?”

“Yes,” Steve passed Shepard the leather, who took it and held it.

“Yes?”

Steve paused, swallowed, then answered, “please?”

“Please?”

Steve flushed, “Please, Commander.”

Shepard slipped his arms into the harness, pulling it over his shoulders, the leather creaking as the front buckle was done up.

“Steve?”

“Commander?” Steve looked like he was ready to faint.

“You familiar with these?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Come fit it then,” Shepard stood with his arms out, and Steve walked over, reaching up to change the various buckles around Shepard’s arms and chest until the harness sat as it should.

James had to admit, Shepard looked sexy in the harness with his jeans slung low across his hips.

“Well?” Shepard looked down at Steve, standing at his full height to exaggerate their height difference.

“You look amazing, Commander,” Steve moved to touch Shepard’s chest before stopping himself.

“Want to touch?”

“Yes,” Steve met Shepard’s gaze, “please.”

“Boys?” Shepard didn’t look away from Steve.

“Fine by me,” Kaidan wrapped his arm over James’ shoulder, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so needy.”

“It would just be rude at this stage to turn him down, Loco.”

Shepard nodded at Steve who reached out and trailed his fingers over the leather where it sat against Shepard’s skin, letting out a breath he had been holding as he explored.

“Thoughts, Lieutenant?”

“I want to climb you like a tree,” Steve grabbed the middle strap of the harness and pulled, Shepard not moving as he did.

Shepard reached for Steve, bringing both hands to his shoulders, and slowly up to his neck, their large size allowing him to almost link his fingers, holding for a moment as he read the expression on Steve’s face.

“You’re an interesting man, Lieutenant,” Shepard brought one hand up to cup Steve’s jaw, tracing his bottom lip with his thumb.

“Thank you, Commander.”

Shepard ran his hands over Steve’s back, reaching his ass and easily pulling him up to wrap his legs around Shepard’s waist, “you wanted to climb me like a tree?”

“James?” Steve asked from where he was wrapped around Shepard.

“Yeah, Esteban?”

“Can I kiss him?”

“You better.”

Steve surged forward, wrapping his arms around Shepard’s neck and kissing him passionately, and linking his ankles behind Shepard’s hips.

“Holy fuck,” James leaned into Kaidan.

“Alright, James?” Kaidan turned to him, “feeling left out?”

“You going to kiss me and make it better, Major?”

Kaidan did, turning James with a hand on the shoulder and kissing him far more gently than Steve had gone after Shepard. James brought his hand to Kaidan’s lower back, pulling their bodies together content to let the Major kiss him senseless.

It was a whine from Steve that pulled Kaidan’s attention from James.

James turned and found the pair had moved, Steve now pinned against an empty section of wall as Shepard kept him in place with the pressure from his hips and his hands, which were pinned above him using only one of Shepard’s to keep them together.

“I told you they looked good,” Shepard bit the side of Steve’s neck, flicking his forked tongue over the bruised skin moments later.

“You’re going to make him combust, John,” Kaidan moved to stand behind James, resting his head on James’ shoulder.

“He’s…” Steve was interrupted as Shepard bit on his neck again, “ah, _fuck_, going to make me do more than that.”

“Yeah?” Shepard rolled his hips and Steve’s head dropped back against the wall, “you that easy to get off Lieutenant? Just grinding against my thigh?”

“I would be,” Steve closed his eyes, “if you gave me room to move, _Commander_.”

“Now, now, Lieutenant, no need for sass,” Shepard rolled his hips again and James let out a low whine at the same time as Steve let out a yelp, “you know the rules. We play together. I tell you what, you get my man off with that pretty mouth of yours later and I’ll let you cum grinding against whatever you want. Deal?”

“Yes,” Steve looked at James with a look of such pure lust that James’ breath caught in his throat.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Good boy,” Shepard let Steve’s hands go, which immediately found themselves wrapped on the harness, “now I’m going to let you down, and you’re going to go sit on the couch to cool off.”

“Yes, Commander.”

Shepard slowly lowered Steve back onto his feet, who, as instructed, walked to the couch and dropped down on it heavily.

“Alright, Esteban?”

Steve nodded, looking between them, “you’re buying that harness, John.”

“Knowing how it affects you I couldn’t say no, could I, Steve?” Shepard undid the front buckle and placed it in the bag, “should we get one each?”

“You’ll kill me if you’re all wearing one of those.”

“Answers yes, Loco,” James walked back to the terminal and ordered three more, “I need to see where that was going.”

“Where it was going was Steve with his lips around your cock, and me covered in lube and flexing as he got himself off.”

“That’s an incredible mental picture,” Kaidan sat next to Steve who dropped his head on his shoulder.

“Let’s keep shopping, I’m sure we can come up with more.” 


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut. No other way to describe it.  
Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Was there anything else I could help you gentlemen find?” Marie checked the terminal, confirming their bill.

“I think we’ve bought one of everything, Marie, I’m not sure we need anything else,” Shepard waved his Omni-tool over the terminal, paying the balance which was much higher than James had thought possible from a sex store.

“I’m always glad to have you as a customer, John,” Marie handed the bags to John who passed them to Kaidan, “I’m on the bike, you guys might as well take this in the car.”

“Maybe we can test drive some of them while we’re driving home,” James winked at Kaidan who smiled back.

“Yeah, yeah,” Shepard waved a dismissive hand, “K, why don’t you go put that in the car, I’m just going to say goodbye to Marie.”

“I’ll come with you,” Steve followed Kaidan, leaving James and Shepard.

“I’m glad you’re back, John, it hasn’t been the same without you.”

“I’m glad my membership card still worked, considering,” Shepard offered a hand to Marie who knocked it away and elected to pull him into a hug.

“Always, thank you for bringing your men.”

“You’re welcome,” Shepard paused, his body immediately tensing.

“Loco?”

“We need to go,” Shepard turned to Marie, “I’m sorry, it sounds like there’s some trouble in the parking garage.”

“Be safe, John,” Marie shut the doors to Lust, a heavy clang as the lock fell into place.

“Let’s go,” Shepard jogged the few steps to the garage, James in tow.

“Come on, baby,” a large human male was grabbing at Steve while pushing Kaidan off as he tried to stop him, “you don’t need that loser. Come with me.”

“Get your hands off of him,” Shepard’s voice was loud enough that the man instantly froze, “now.”

The man turned, looking at Shepard with a grin and pulling a knife from his pocket, “let's see you make me.”

It was a flash, just a bright blast of blue which had Shepard behind the man, his knife in Shepard’s hand and against the man’s throat, Steve pushed in the direction of Kaidan who caught him on reflex.

“Whoa, chill, we were all having fun.”

“Yeah, well now I’m having fun,” Shepard pushed the knife against the man’s throat hard enough James could see it indenting the skin.

“We were just talking.”

“He told you to stop,” Shepard pulled the man by his hair, tilting his head back and exposing his throat further, “and I told you to stop.”

“I get it, you guys don’t like having fun,” the man held his hands up, “my bad.”

“You think touching people who don’t want you to is fun?” Shepard’s voice had taken a deadly tone, and James took a step closer, ready to defuse the situation.

“I didn’t mean nothing by it.”

Shepard pushed the man away from him, hard enough that he ended up on his knees a few feet away, “pathetic.”

“You telling me a big guy like you doesn’t like it a little rough?” The man stood on unsteady feet, “give me my knife back and I’ll leave.”

“No.”

“Hey man, that was expensive.”

“I don’t give a shit, you rough up my boyfriend and I keep your fucking knife.”

“I want it back.”

“Then come and get it.”

James would never understand what possessed the man to move toward Shepard, but he had to admit the sickening noise when Shepard punched him hard enough to send him into the wall was satisfying. Shepard followed him, grabbing him by the neck and pinning him to the wall.

“I could break your neck,” Shepard spoke quietly, “right now, I could just break your neck and you’d never get to touch anyone again.”

“Let me go,” the man's legs kicked ineffectively against the wall, “it was just a joke!”

“No one’s laughing,” Shepard practically growled.

“Holy shit, he’s Alliance,” James noticed the shine of a chain around the man’s neck.

Shepard looked down, pulling the dog tags from within his shirt and breaking them off with a sharp tug.

“Those are mine!”

“No, Lieutenant Davis, now they’re mine.” Shepard put them in his pocket, “I bet if I called CSec I’d find all kinds of complaints against you, wouldn’t I?”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Commander Shepard,” Shepard gave Davis’ neck a hard squeeze, “you might have heard of me.”

The only response was a gurgle, Davis’ lips turning blue.

“John,” James put a hand on Shepard’s shoulder, “easy.”

Shepard looked over his shoulder at James, took a deep breath, and released his grip, letting Davis fall to the ground in a panting heap. Shepard took a step back, looking down at Davis for a moment before kicking him in the ribs hard enough he slid to Steve and Kaidan’s feet, stalking after him as he lay on the ground holding his side.

Shepard leaned over and took Davis by the hair again, tilting his head up to face Steve, “apologize.”

“I’m sorry,” Davis gasped out.

Shepard roughly let his head go, walking in a circle around the group.

“What are you going to do to me?”

Shepard stood next to Steve, “Steve?”

“Yeah, John?”

“What do you want me to do with him?”

“What, would you kill him if I asked?” Steve looked at Shepard.

“Yes,” Shepard met Steve’s gaze, unwavering.

“I think you scared him enough, let him go.”

“You heard him,” Shepard squatted down to be almost eye level with Davis, “be glad it was Steve because if it was up to me your body would be in that dumpster over there. Now, I’m keeping your dog tags, and I’m going to keep a real close eye on your record. If I see one complaint, I’m going to track you down and crush your neck with my bare hands. Are we clear?”

“Crystal,” Davis nodded frantically.

“Good,” Shepard stood, “now, run.”

Davis did, not needed to be told twice as he scrambled to his feet trying to run from the parking garage.

Shepard took a deep breath, only slightly shifting his weight as he took Davis’ knife and threw it with perfect form, the knife embedding itself into Davis’ leg with a thump, dropping him to the floor with a scream.

“You fucker!” Davis pulled the knife from his leg with a pained groan, “I’m going to report you.”

“Please, do,” Shepard took two steps toward Davis, “see how that works for you.”

Davis blanched and crawled from view, swearing as he dragged himself away from Shepard.

Shepard turned and walked over to Steve, “are you okay?”

Steve nodded, walking over to Shepard wrapping his arms around his waist. Shepard paused for a minute before returning the hug.

“I thought you were going to kill him,” James said from where he stood beside Kaidan.

“I would have, if you hadn’t stopped me,” Shepard brought a hand up to cup the side of Steve’s face where it rested against his chest, “you bring out the good in me, James, I’ve told you that.”

“Thank you, for stepping in,” Kaidan gathered the bags from where they had fallen on the floor, “I didn’t want to risk my biotics with Steve in the mix.”

“No problem,” Shepard pulled back from Steve, wiping the few stray tears from his cheek, “you sure you’re alright?”

“Just shaken up,” Steve wiped his face with his sleeve, “glad you were there.”

“Come on, Esteban,” James wrapped an arm over Steve’s shoulders, “why don’t you ride back in the car with the Major and I, I think you've had enough excitement for one day.”

Steve nodded, letting James direct him into the car.

“I’ll see you guys back at the house,” Shepard straddled the bike and pulled his helmet on.

“Loco, are you okay?”

Shepard shrugged, “I will be.”

“See you at home?”

“Yeah, I’ll be a few minutes, I have something I need to pick up and then I’ll be there,” Shepard kicked the bike to life, “drive safe.”

“You too.”

***

“Where do you think he is?” Kaidan paced the length of the kitchen for the third time, “he’s been an hour.”

“I don’t know, Major,” James tried not to show that he was equally concerned, instead busying himself making Steve a cup of tea, “message him.”

_Where are you, we’re all worried sick – KA_

_John Shepard sent a picture_

“Oh,” Kaidan looked down at the picture of his engagement ring for Steve, “he’s, uh, picking something up.”

“What?”

“Lunch.”

_You need to bring some lunch back, they’re asking where you are. How did you get that? – KA_

_You guys took Steve with you, so you weren’t going to have time to pick it up. I just name-dropped, K, it always works – JS_

_There was a balance owing – KA_

_Now there isn’t. How’s Steve – JS_

_Shaken up but fine – KA_

_I’ll already ordered sushi, that will cheer him up – JS_

_Sounds good – KA_

“Is he okay?” James asked Kaidan.

“Yeah, just grabbing lunch and he’ll be back. I think he needed a drive to cool off his head.”

“Do you think he would have killed that guy?” Steve asked from the bar, cup of tea in hand.

“Absolutely Esteban.”

“He called me his boyfriend,” Steve observed.

“Well I guess you kinda are,” James shrugged, “I’m the husband, you guys are the boyfriends.”

“This has gone weird real fast,” Kaidan commented, “not in a bad way, just in a not expected way.”

“You’re telling me,” James sat beside Steve, “I went from my first and only boyfriend to three.”

“Are we doing the right thing, here?” Steve asked the room, not looking at anyone in particular, “are we risking too much?”

“I hope not,” James sighed, “I love John, I don’t want him to go anywhere.”

“He won't,” Kaidan assured, “he adores you.”

“I do want to see where this morning was headed,” James added, “you looked mighty fine pinned by my man, Esteban.”

“God, he’s so sensual, isn’t he?” Steve flushed at the memory, “he read me like a book, I mean fuck, he made a collar of his _hands_ for me.”

“Imagine being tied to the bed and teased by him for hours,” James chuckled, “he’s just incredible.”

“You both know I’m interested in him,” Kaidan shrugged, “I’ve wanted to sleep with him for years.”

“He’s great,” James fought the urge to close his eyes to relive the memory, “he’s entirely focused on you, and what makes you feel good. It’s kind of overwhelming.”

“We need to figure out how fast everyone wants to move,” Steve commented, “I don’t want to step on your toes, James, but both Kaidan and I seem pretty eager.”

“I don’t blame you,” James smiled, “he’s worth it.”

“Who is?” Shepard spoke from the door where he had two large bags in his hands.

“You are,” James walked over to help, taking one of the bags from him, “how did you manage this on the bike?”

“Carefully,” Shepard kissed James’ cheek, “I need to borrow Kaidan for a minute, Spectre stuff.”

“Alright, I’ll get lunch set up,” James walked to the kitchen, and at Shepard’s nod toward the stairs Kaidan followed him up.

“Nothing more than making out!” James shouted from the kitchen, “or Steve and I need to be up there.”

“Yes, mom,” Shepard called back, pulling Kaidan into the bedroom and closing the door.

“What’s up, John?”

“Nothing, I just needed a reason to get you alone to give you this,” Shepard passed Kaidan the ring box, “and they know they can’t listen in on Spectre stuff.”

“Thank you,” Kaidan looked over the ring box, “I need somewhere to hide it.”

“Put it in the closet,” Shepard pointed, “I have a safe in there.”

“Thanks,” Kaidan followed Shepard inside, letting him open the safe and placing the box inside.

“I’ll program your thumbprint for the next few days, so you can get it without me,” Shepard closed the door, “I ordered a ring for James while I was there.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Shepard’s back was tense, “I hope I get a chance to give it to him.”

“Me too,” Kaidan brought a hand up to Shepard’s shoulder and squeezed gently, “I’m sure you will.”

Shepard turned and Kaidan let his hand fall to his waist, “something on your mind, Major?”

“Kiss me?”

“Gladly,” Shepard leaned forwards, kissing Kaidan gently, guiding him back toward the bedroom.

When Shepard’s knees hit the edge of the bed he sat, evening out their height difference, as he let his hands travel over Kaidan’s back, dropping down to his ass as he flicked his forked tongue over Kaidan’s lower lip.

Kaidan moaned, pushing his hips against Shepard, and pulling away with a gasp, “fuck John, why is everything you do so _erotic_?”

“You’ve wanted me for a while,” Shepard gave Kaidan’s ass a squeeze, “I think that makes it more intense.”

“Have you wanted me?”

“Yes,” Shepard looked down, “can’t you tell?”

Kaidan glanced down at the bulge and licked his lips, “I would very much like to touch you.”

“I know, me too, but we need our boys up here. I’m dying to see Steve spend some time with James. His pretty mouth around James’ cock? Fuck, I can’t wait.”

Kaidan whimpered, burying his head in Shepard’s shoulder, “you’re not making it any easier to leave this bedroom.”

Shepard pulled out his Omni-tool.

_Kaidan’s needy and hard up here, either Steve needs to come up and handle it, or you both need to come up and we can test some new limits – JS_

“I’m not needy,” Kaidan protested.

“Imagine James taking Steve from behind, while I have you on your back so you can suck Steve off while I fuck you,” Shepard smiled as Kaidan closed his eyes against the image, “or me spooning with you, thrusting into you as you take James.”

“That sounds good to me, Loco,” James and Steve walked into the room, “alright, Major?”

“He’s awful,” Kaidan pointed at Shepard, “awful.”

“What’s worse is that he would do all the things he says, and he’ll be amazing at them,” James pulled off his shirt, dropping it.

“You aren’t helping,” Kaidan watched as James approached him, standing behind him and tugging on Kaidan’s shirt, pulling it over his head.

“You need to be naked for me to help, Major,” James reached around the of Kaidan, running his hand firmly over the strained fabric of Kaidan’s pants.

Kaidan let out a gasp, “you’re awfully confident at this, James.”

“What can I say, I want to see my man take you apart,” James undid the top button of Kaidan’s pants, looking over at Steve, “Esteban, you’re wearing too many clothes.”

“I’m just as dressed as Shepard,” Steve walked over to the bed, “I’m just enjoying the show.”

“Steve,” Shepard spoke from the bed, his voice in the _Commander_ tone, “shirt off.”

“Is that an order, Commander?”

“Would you like it to be?”

“Yes,” Steve got on the bed, kneeling next to Shepard.

“Then it’s an order,” Shepard tugged on the shirt, “off.”

Steve complied, the shirt pulled over his head and discarded on the floor.

“You’re lagging behind, Loco,” James helped Kaidan step out of his pants, “get to it.”

Shepard pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it in the corner before reached out and grabbing Kaidan by the hips, “having fun with my man teasing you, Major?”

“He’s very skilled,” Kaidan rolled attempted to roll his hips against James’ hand but was stopped by Shepard’s grip, “come on, John.”

“We’re still figuring this out,” Shepard smiled at Steve as he reached out and wrapped himself around Shepard’s back, “any requests?”

“I, uh,” Kaidan blushed, “have one if everyone is alright with it.”

“Alright, K, let’s hear it.”

“This is more embarrassing than I thought it would be,” Kaidan chuckled, “but I’m dying to know what that tongue can do.”

“You want a blow job?”

“Oh Major, you’re in for a treat,” James kissed the side of Kaidan’s neck, “it feels so good.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Not right now, but if we get started and that changes I’ll let you know,” James turned to Steve, “I don’t suppose you’d be willing?”

“To what, suck you off?” Steve gave James a smile, “I’ve only wanted to do that for, oh, years.”

Shepard stood, undoing his jeans and kicking them off leaving him in boxers, “get naked then, Major, sounds like we have a plan of attack.”

“Is everything a mission for you?” Kaidan stopped James from pulling down his boxers, “you first.”

“Everything I care about, yes,” Shepard pulled Kaidan from James’ grip, kissing him, “I need you naked, K.”

“He’s shy,” Steve stood from the bed, reaching out for James who walked over willingly, letting Steve completely undress him, “he wouldn’t even have sex with the lights on for the first few months.”

“Come on, K,” Shepard ran his hands over Kaidan’s back, “it’s awful hard for me to get you off with boxers in the way.”

“That’s bullshit, John, and you know it,” James sat on the edge of the bed, clearly comfortable nude in front of the group, “you could get him off without touching him.”

“Yes, but that’s not what he asked for,” Shepard watched as Steve undressed with a smile, “I’m not convinced that I’m not still dead and it just took me a while to find heaven.”

Kaidan chuckled at that, “I thought I had died and gone to heaven when I saw him naked too, he’s perfect.”

“Beautiful,” Shepard agreed, “you all are.”

Kaidan reached for the band of his boxers, taking a deep breath before pulling them down and stepping out of them.

“Impressive, Major,” James reached down to stroke himself, only managing a few pumps before his hand was knocked away by Steve as he settled on the ground between James’ legs.

“Hmm,” Shepard looked over Kaidan’s body, eyes settling on his cock, “you know, if you had approached me with _that_ on the SR1, I would have never turned you away.”

Kaidan’s blushed darkened, “can we please stop staring and start doing?”

“Sure we can,” Shepard moved the bed, “we’re going to try something here, you’re thicker than I thought you would be, but I should be able to take you this way.”

Kaidan watched as Shepard laid on the bed on his back, dropping his head over the side. Once Kaidan realized what Shepard was doing he let out a small moan.

“Oh yeah, Major, he’s got almost nothing in the way of a gag reflex,” James reached a hand over and rested it on Shepard’s chest, “and he’s a bit of a slut for having his face fucked.”

“_Fuck.”_

“Come here,” Shepard waved him over, “let’s see what you think. Lieutenant Cortez, as beautiful as my man is, he’s not naked to look at. Get to work.”

“Yes, Commander,” Steve licked his lips and looked up at James, “good?”

James nodded, then moaned, as Steve took the head of his dick into his mouth hummed.

“That’s better,” Shepard looked at Kaidan, “come on, Major, I’m getting a head rush.”

Kaidan took the step forward and grabbed the base of his dick, bringing it to Shepard’s mouth hesitantly. Shepard, not being one to take things slowly, reached his around Kaidan’s back and pulled Kaidan closer, taking his entire length into his throat.

“_Holy fuck_,” Kaidan dropped his hands on either side of Shepard’s body, “Steve can you see this?”

“Mmhmm,” came from Steve where he was giving his best effort to deepthroat James.

“Damn, Esteban, I knew that smart mouth would be good for something.”

“I’m going to move,” Kaidan spoke to Shepard, “tap my leg if I’m being too rough.”

Shepard gave a thumbs up, and Kaidan carefully slid back, pausing for a moment, before pushing forward again with a gentle press of his hips.

“Come on, Major,” James had one hand on the back of Steve’s head, encouraging his motions, “he’s tough, just take what you want.”

Kaidan increased his pace, his biotics humming over his body, “John,” Kaidan groaned, turning to watch Steve and James, “Steve’s being left out.”

Shepard brought his spare hand up, tangling his fingers with James as he brought his biotics to life, trailing over James’ body and to Steve, where they were touching.

Steve pulled off of James with a startled moan, looking down at his cock where Shepard’s biotics were rolling over him in bright waves, “what the fuck are you doing?”

“Feels amazing, right?”

Steve nodded, going back to sucking James off with a renewed vigor, a low moan falling from James’ lips as squeezed Shepard’s hand.

The sounds in the room we lewd, a mix of skin on skin, moans, and sighs, as the group moved together.

It was Kaidan who went over the edge first, moaning a hoarse, “_gonna cum”_ followed by a startled moan as Shepard held him in place, letting him spill down his throat. Steve was next, moments later, spilling over his own stomach as Shepard’s biotics brought him over the edge, moaning around James’ cock which had him falling right after, Steve pulling back to let James cover his chest.

Kaidan gently pulled back, and sat on the bed next to Shepard, trying to catch his breath. Shepard moved down the bed, bringing his head onto the bed rather than over the edge.

“Wait, Loco, what about you?” James looked over at where Shepard was clearly hard under his boxers.

“What about me?” Shepard’s voice was hoarse, but he looked very pleased with himself.

“You didn’t get off,” Kaidan pointed out.

“I was busy getting the two of you off, and you’re not tall enough to reach my dick when you’re standing over me,” Shepard wrapped an arm around Kaidan, “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

“Oh no, Commander, there is no chance that you’re the only one that doesn’t get off during our first time. I refuse,” Steve stood from his place on the floor.

“Well, if it matters that much to you guys,” Shepard shrugged, “there are three of you, someone figure it out.”

“Steve, get over here,” Kaidan grabbed at Shepard’s boxers, tugging them down his legs, freezing when he saw what it uncovered, “fuck, John, no wonder you’re so confident.”

James laughed, “yeah, he’s a monster everywhere.”

“I’m going to need backup,” Kaidan kneeled on one side of the Shepard, waving for Steve to take the other side, “James you keep him amused up there.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” James moved so he could kiss Shepard, a smile on his face as Shepard moaned into the kiss, bringing his hand up to cup James’ jaw.

“I love you,” Shepard met James' gaze with a warm smile, “so much.”

“I love you,” James watched as Kaidan and Steve positioned themselves, before each licking a stripe up Shepard’s cock, pulling a startled moan from the larger man, “our men are going to take good care of you.”

Shepard pulled James back down for another kiss, groaning as Steve and Kaidan moved together, rolling his hips against their tongues.

“Aren’t you lucky, John,” James spoke quietly to Shepard as he moved to kiss his neck, “you have three men who want you _so bad_.”

Shepard whimpered, his biotics flaring as he tangled his fingers into James’ hair.

“Look at them, John, watch how they want you,” James could tell that Kaidan had been right the night before when he had said Shepard wanted to be wanted. Shepard’s biotics flaring brighter as he listened to James speak, “they making you feel good, John? You like all of your men taking care of you?”

“_Yes. _Fuck James, stop talking or I won't last.”

“After this war is over, we’re going to get a little house, and the four of us are going to do this every day. We’re going to have our own little family where we can wake up each morning and just touch each other,” James reached out and pinched Shepard’s nipple, “you’re going to spend the rest of your life surrounded by people who want you more than anything.”

Shepard pulled his hand from James' hair, tangling both hands in the sheets as his back arched.

“They going to make you cum, John? You close?”

“_Yes,_” Shepard was writhing on the bed now.

“We love you, John,” James spoke in Shepard’s ear, “let us see you cum.”

Shepard did. His back arched as he let out a series of loud moans and covered his stomach and Kaidan’s hand as he pumped him through it, biotics flaring bright enough that for a moment, James’ lost sight of Steve and Kaidan.

“Christ,” Shepard took a steadying breath, turning to James, “you and your fucking mouth, James.”

“You like fucking my mouth, Loco.”

Shepard groaned, dropping an arm to cover his face, “I think I understand the fascination with my tongue now.”

“That so?” Kaidan traced the lines of Shepard’s tattoo, still lit up from a low hum of biotics.

“Two tongues are quite the thing.”

Steve chuckled, “you put on quite a show, John. Very impressive.”

Shepard smiled, “I think I should be thanking you.”

“I think we all need a shower,” James looked between them, “Kaidan’ is the only one not covered in someone’s cum.”

“Shepard swallowed mine,” Kaidan shrugged.

“Full disclosure,” Shepard added, “I reviewed all of our medical records, and we’re all clean. I checked this morning.”

“I meant to ask earlier,” Steve nodded, “which is why I pulled off, James.”

“No worries Esteban, that was awesome.”

“Everyone’s feeling good?” Shepard asked.

“After that, how could we feel bad?”

“I meant emotionally,” Shepard took a deep breath and sat up.

“All good here, but I’ve done this before,” Steve responded.

“I’m feeling pretty good,” Kaidan agreed, “but I’m never going to be able to look at your mouth again without thinking about that.”

“I’m awesome,” James wrapped his arm over Shepard’s shoulders, “you, Loco?”

“Overwhelmed, but not in a bad way,” Shepard looked down at his arms, still glowing blue, “that was intense though, I can’t reign in my biotics.”

“Is that, a heart?” Kaidan pointed at Shepard’s stomach.

“Yeah, for James,” Shepard nodded, “it’s where our cabin is.”

“Oh,” Kaidan paused, “I guess this stops eventually eh? We won't be able to keep it going on the Normandy.”

“Why not?”

“You guys live together upstairs, we’re down in the main hold,” Kaidan explained, “We won't be together.”

“If we want to keep it going, I’ll make it work,” Shepard took another deep breath and with some effort his biotics flickered out, “man, I haven’t struggled like that since I got my first implant.”

“What do we do now?”

“Shower,” Shepard stood, pulling James with him, “we have a party in a few hours.”

James waved at Steve and Kaidan, “our shower is big enough for everyone.”

“Then you need to move your stuff upstairs,” Shepard added, “you’re sleeping up here tonight.”

“Could today get any better?” Steve asked Kaidan as James pulled him toward the shower.

“I guess we’ll find out,” Kaidan responded, sharing a secret smile with Shepard.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I'm writing backstory like it's not just a way of me introducing more smut in the next chapter.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Shepard!” Grunt shouted from the door.

“There’s my boy!” Shepard walked over to the Krogan, “what took you so long?”

“Stopped for some food on the way.”

“We’re going to feed you, Grunt, you’re the last one here,” Shepard waved at the room.

The apartment was packed, the crew of the Normandy mingling with Dena and Spike and Emilio. Low music played from the corner while Joker and EDI set up the buffet in the kitchen.

“You humans never pack enough food for Krogans.”

“I wasn’t going to let my son starve, was I? I have a whole separate order of food just for you,” Shepard pointed to two large trays.

“Are those the spicy noodles?”

“Of course they are,” Shepard wrapped an arm over Grunt’s shoulders, “let me introduce you to James’ uncle.”

“Why?”

“Because, he raised James, so if I’m going to marry James he’s going to be like your grandfather,” Shepard steered Grunt toward James and Emilio by the bar, Emilio’s eyes widening slightly.

“Emilio, you remember my son Grunt?”

“We met, briefly. I wasn’t sure if the son thing was a joke or not,” Emilio nodded at Grunt, “nice to meet you, officially.”

“Shepard,” Grunt paused, trying to recall the word, “adopted me.”

“I see,” Emilio leaned forward on the bar, “I wasn’t under the impression that Krogan were close with their parents.”

“I’m tank bred.”

“We recovered Grunt when we were recruiting on the SR2. We didn’t know at the time that he was so young,” Shepard grabbed a bottle of Ryncol and passed it to Grunt, “he’s an amazing kid, just needed some guidance along the way.”

“Shepard stood as my battlemaster. Together we defeated a threshermaw.”

“Hey, I was there too,” Garrus protested from the couch.

“Garrus is one of the best snipers in the world,” Shepard explained to Emilio.

“Damn straight.”

“Do you ever find it difficult, working with all these…” Emilio trailed off.

“Aliens?” Garrus provided.

“I didn’t want to be rude.”

“It’s not rude,” Tali smiled from her place next to Garrus, “we are all alien to each other.”

“It’s actually pretty easy on the Normandy,” James commented, “after awhile you kind of forget.”

“I found the trick is to not try and make everyone the same,” Shepard added, “for example, Garrus calibrates obsessively. It’s how he deals with stress. I just don’t pull him away from it while he’s working on it.”

“It’s not obsessive,” Garrus protested.

“You’ve turned down sex to calibrate,” Tali pointed out, “it’s obsessive.”

“Krogan’s are aggressive and are prone to fighting if you don’t spar with them occasionally. Quarians are secretive but are rarely keeping dangerous secrets. They also require more time off to deal with various illnesses. Drell like it warm and wet and will never forget any stupid thing you do in front of them.”

“What about Salarians?”

Shepard paused, and James reached a hand out to rest on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, did I say something I shouldn’t have?” Emilio looked at James with concern.

“No,” Shepard offered a small smile, “we just recently lost our Salarian teammate, he was the one who cured the genophage.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Emilio also reached out for Shepard, a hand over his on the bar, “what was his name?”

“Mordin Solus,” Grunt answered, “he is a hero in the hearts and minds of the Krogan.”

“He’s a hero everywhere,” Shepard corrected before turning back to Emilio, “and to answer your question, Salarians love music.”

“What, really?”

“Mordin used to sing.”

“I didn’t know that,” James commented, “was he good?”

“The best.”

“It won’t be the same without him trying to set me up with a Krogan,” Garrus nodded, “I’ll miss him.”

“You couldn’t handle a Krogan female,” Grunt looked Garrus over, “they would crush you.”

“On that my hard-headed friend, we are agreed.”

“If you accept everyone’s differences, and find work arounds, you’ll generally find that almost any group will get along.” Shepard waved at the room, and the various people within it, “at least mine does.”

“That’s a you thing, John,” Dena called from the piano, “you bring people together.”

There was a cheer from the group, and James took the moment Shepard was distracted to check the time on his Omni-tool, 6:15.

“Well, does John mind if there is one more person in the mix?”

Shepard’s head whipped toward the door where Admiral Anderson stood, still dressed in his dress blues from meeting with the council.

“Dad?”

“Son,” Anderson took the few steps into the living room, “I hope you don’t mind that I crashed your party.”

Shepard cleared the room in four strides, wrapping his arms around Anderson and pulling him into a hug.

“I’m glad to see you, son,” Anderson wrapped his arms around Shepard, patting him on the back, “it’s been too long.”

“How did you get here?” Shepard pulled back, keeping his hands on Anderson’s shoulders, “you were on earth.”

“I was,” Anderson agreed, “but the council needed me, and I volunteered for a short trip. Your young man there made sure I had all the details so I could come and see you.”

Shepard turned, “James?”

“Why do you always say that,” James mocked, returning Shepard’s words to him, “if it’s good, it’s me.”

“Holy fuck I love you,” Shepard held his hand out and James walked over, taking it.

“You brought my family back together, it seemed only right to make sure you had all of yours together too.”

Shepard pulled James into a kiss, flipping off Garrus as he catcalled.

“When this is done, I’m going to marry the fuck out of you,” Shepard declared, pulling James into a hug.

“Promise?”

James felt like an idiot as soon as he said it, using the hug to hide his blushing cheeks. Knowing the way that Shepard felt about promises, knowing that everyone in the room knew that fact as well.

Shepard paused, then pulled James back to meet his eyes, “yes. I promise.”

“Really?” James felt hope flare to life in his chest.

“Really,” Shepard blew out a breath and continued, “I don’t know how, but I promise we will get through this, and we will have our lives together.”

“Well that sounds mighty good to me,” Anderson agreed, “welcome to the family, Vega.”

“Thanks, David,” James shook Anderson’s hand, “I hear I have you to thank for N7 too.”

“No need to thank me, it was well deserved, now, introduce me to your uncle and then we can eat.”

***

“Did you mean it,” James asked, when the party had turned from food to dancing and he had managed to pull Shepard into a quiet corner while Anderson and Emilio spoke.

“Yes,” Shepard kissed James’ forehead, “I mean it.”

James felt a wave of relief wash over him, “I’m so glad to hear you say that.”

Shepard didn’t comment, just wrapped his arms around James and pulled him tight to his chest.

“Kaidan’s pacing,” James noticed, “he’s over by the piano.”

“I brought the ring home with lunch today; he’s probably thinking about asking Steve tonight. It’s what I would do.”

“You would?” James looked up at Shepard.

“Your ring isn’t ready yet,” Shepard gave James a small smile, noticing how James’ face fell, slightly, “but if it makes you feel better, I ordered it today.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Shepard looked back at Kaidan, “I think I should give him a pep talk.”

“I think you should, Steve looks stressed over there,” James nodded toward Steve where he stood by Joker and EDI watching Kaidan.

“I’ll deal with the Major, you make sure Steve is okay,” Shepard kissed James and walked over toward the pacing man.

“Everything alright, K?”

“I should ask him tonight, right? I should. It makes sense. I know he wants me too. I hope he’ll say yes,” Kaidan babbled as he paced, only stopping when Shepard reached out and grabbed him by the arm.

“Kaidan, calm down,” Shepard pulled Kaidan in close and spoke in his ear, “Steve is watching you, and you’re stressing him out. Yes, if you want too you should ask him today. Don’t do it in front of everyone, it’s more than Steve would want. Take him up to the bedroom, tell him how much he means to you, and he will absolutely say yes.”

Kaidan nodded, “right.”

“I’ll even wave the no sex on my bed rule,” Shepard joked, pulling a smile from Kaidan, “you guys are perfect for each other. It will turn out just fine. Now go and make your boyfriend your fiancé.”

“Okay,” Kaidan squared his shoulders, “wish me luck.”

“You won’t need it,” Shepard assured, “but good luck.”

Kaidan took a breath and walked over to Steve where he was speaking with James, whispering to him before the two walked up the stairs, closing the bedroom door behind them.

James walked back toward Shepard, “Steve is worried that Kaidan is upset about earlier. Maybe the open relationship thing was too much for him.”

“He didn’t mention it to me, he was just panicking over proposing like we thought.”

“Figures,” James pointed to Anderson and Emilio who were laughing loudly from the bar, “looks like our parents get along.”

“Of course they do,” Shepard walked toward them, “they’re going to be family.”

“John,” Anderson greeted, “looks like your crew is doing well. I’m seeing a lot of new love here.”

“The end of the world does that,” Shepard noted, “people get sick of waiting and start acting.”

“How did you two get together in the end?”

James coughed, flushing.

“Go on, babe. Dad will think it’s funny,” Shepard retrieved two beers from the bar, passing one to James.

“I smell a story.”

“I, uh,” James sighed, “got _really_ drunk at Purgatory with Steve and Kaidan. Steve took me out because I had been moping about my crush on Shepard. In my drunk glory I decided I was going to tell Shepard I wanted him.”

“Actually, you wanted to know why I never touched you,” Shepard clarified.

“That too,” James agreed, “and I ended up kissing him while completely shitfaced.”

“What happened next?”

“Shepard shot me down cold and called Esteban to come and get me.”

“I didn’t shoot you down cold, don’t be melodramatic,” Shepard rolled his eyes, “I told you that we could talk about it when you were _sober_.”

“And the asshole made me wait an entire day to talk about it, and then I still had to convince him,” James shrugged, “and we’ve been together ever since.”

“I’ve heard worse love stories,” Anderson smiled at James, “and it was probably better John didn’t rush it.”

“I know that now,” James took a drink of his beer, “but at the time I was hoping Loco wouldn’t kick me off the Normandy.”

“If Shepard kicked people off of the Normandy when they came onto him, he wouldn’t have a crew,” Joker walked over and joined them at the bar, “like literally, it would just be Shepard and EDI.”

“What, even you?” James asked.

“Even me,” Joker winked at Shepard, “that was, what, a week into working together?”

“Something like that,” Shepard considered, “maybe two.”

“He told me he was getting over a bad break up, so he couldn’t,” Joker shrugged, “he was good about it.”

“At least you knew he was gay,” Liara called from the couch, “he had to explain I had the wrong parts.”

Shepard winced, “that one was awkward.”

“You’re telling me,” Liara laughed.

“Popular boy,” Anderson wrapped an arm over Shepard’s shoulder, “charming, just like his dad.”

“I don’t think anyone would describe me as charming, dad,” Shepard chuckled, “at all.”

“Actually, I think that’s an apt descriptive term,” Liara said, Garrus, Joker, and EDI nodding in agreement.

“I stand corrected then.”

Shepard looked up as the bedroom door opened, a flushed Kaidan and Steve emerging.

“Alright up there, Major?”

“We’re getting married!” Steve shouted, waving his left hand in the air.

There was a cheer from the room, applause and whistles up to Kaidan and Steve.

“Better get down here, boys, I was prepared for this,” Shepard opened a cabinet and pulled out a case of champagne, placing it on the bar.

“John, when did you get this?” Kaidan came down the stairs, looking at the bottles.

“When you had James distract Steve so you could get the ring. If you didn’t ask this week, I was going to bring it on the Normandy for when you did.” Shepard went back under the bar and bringing out a flat of glasses, as well as two other bottles he passed to Garrus and Tali, “I even got Tali a double sterilized straw.”

“You’re the best, Shepard,” Tali took the bottle, “this has been triple filtered!”

“Nothing but the best for you guys,” Shepard passed a bottle to Kaidan, “ready to do the honors, Major Alenko-Cortez?”

“Damn right,” Kaidan took the bottle, using this thumb to pop the cork and send it flying across the room. Shepard handed him two glasses which he filled, passing one to Steve, “to my future husband!”

The group clapped and cheered as Shepard filled the glasses and passed them around, leaning over to Steve and whisper, “I guess the day could get better.”

Steve beamed, “you’re right. This might be one of the best days of my life.”

“If you and K want to sneak away for some alone time, go ahead. James and I will stick to ourselves tonight,” Shepard passed a glass to James.

“Why?” Steve asked.

“Uh,” Shepard was pulled up short, “because it seems appropriate, I guess?”

“I’ll tell you if I don’t want you around, Commander,” Steve wrapped an arm around Shepard’s waist, “Kaidan and I have each other because of you. We’re both glad you and James are a part of this.”

“Alright then,” Shepard checked the room, making sure that everyone had a drink before clearing his throat and tapping the side of the glass lightly with a spoon. James appreciated how much control the action must have taken to not shatter the glass in his hands, “a toast!”

The room held their glasses up in the air, and Shepard continued, “to Major Kaidan Alenko, my best friend, my back up, the brother I never had, and to Lieutenant Steve Cortez, the man who has taught me the most about always moving forward. May their marriage be long, happy, and full of great sex.”

The room erupted into laugher and various translations of “cheers!”.

“Thank god Shepard is better at planning than dancing,” Garrus called over the room, “this is actually decent.”

“Dancing?” Dena looked at Garrus confused, “what about dancing?”

“Have you ever seen Shepard’s dancing? It’s awful,” Garrus laughed, most of the crew members joining him, “for someone so graceful on the battlefield you would think that he would have some better skills on the dance floor.”

“I’m lost,” Dena looked to Anderson who looked equally confused.

“Uh oh,” Shepard leaned against the bar with a small smile, “my secrets are about to come out.”

“What do you mean?” James looked at Dena, “are you telling me that Loco can actually dance?”

“Of course he can,” Dena looked at James like he was stupid, “you’re taught in N7, and even we if weren’t, Shepard was a good dancer on earth.”

“I’ll never believe you,” Garrus shook his head, “I’ve known him for years, and he can’t dance worth shit.”

“I’m special forces, Garrus, did it ever occur to you that there are some things about me that I’ve never been able to tell any of you?”

The room fell quiet.

“What, really?” Joker asked.

“Yes, really,” Shepard nodded, “of course. I’m one of very few Alliance forces who have been trained to do some of the most dangerous missions in the galaxy. That requires an element of secrecy.”

“In N7, we’re encouraged to never tell anyone everything,” Anderson explained, “because then, if we’re on a mission, you can’t always pick us from a crowd.”

“Or, if you’re captured due to your proximity with us and they decide to torture you,” Shepard shrugged, “you can’t give anything important away.”

Joker looked at Shepard seriously, “you joke, and I’ve seen you do some impossible shit, but…”

“Shepard is, without a doubt, the most dangerous thing in this room,” Anderson answered, “at the time of his graduation he set the records in all of the N7 training exams. Those records are still held by John today.”

“What does that mean though, most of us have no idea what N7 does,” Joker shrugged, “it’s like this top secret thing even the Alliance doesn’t really talk about.”

“N7 trains you to become the ultimate weapon,” Anderson waved around the room, “he could kill all of us in this room without any assistance. Dena and Spike being here would just help him.”

“Could you do that before the Cerberus enhancements?” EDI chimed in.

“Yes,” Shepard answered, “I could probably clear this room in three minutes.” Shepard looked around, “actually five, there’s a Krogan.”

“And you’re going to train my nephew to be just as dangerous?” Emilio sighed, “that doesn’t sound like a good thing.”

“James can be trained however he wants to be trained in N7,” Anderson reassured Emilio, “if he doesn’t want to take the same path that Shepard did, he doesn’t need too.”

“Why did you choose to…” James trailed off, catching himself, “do the training you did?”

“Because,” Shepard downed the rest of his drink, “I wanted to be really sure that no one would ever be able to fuck with me again.”

There was a lull in the conversation, and the tension in the room grew until Garrus cut in.

“I still can’t believe that Shepard can dance. Kill us in five minutes? Sure. But he can’t dance.”

Shepard chuckled, “Anderson, do you still have the video from that one mission on Omega?”

“The strip club?” Dena asked from the other side of the room, “that was a great mission.”

Anderson pulled up his Omni-tool and started flipping through files, “I might, are you sure that you want your crew to see you that undressed?”

“Ah shit, nothing they haven’t seen before.”

Anderson paused at that, looking at Shepard with a raised eyebrow, “I feel like I should respond to that.”

“You’re welcome too, but you’re not going to like the answers why if you ask me.”

Anderson shook his head, going back to reviewing the files before pointing at the tool, “I’ve got them.”

“Perfect, Glyph,” Shepard called, and the little robot flew into the room, “can you link Anderson’s tool to the screen please?”

“Certainly, Commander.”

There was brief flicker of static, and the screen switched to show the inside of a club. The walls lined with LED strips in various colours and the dance floor packed, with the dancers currently frozen in place waiting for Anderson to press play. Across the back of the club, a large stage with two Asari dancers on each side, above them, suspended cages, one holding Shepard, the other Dena.

“Want to give them the background on it? Mission is over now. It’s hardly confidential.”

“This was connected to a trafficking ring,” Anderson explained, “once a month for about a year this club had biotic dancers going missing. Eventually, they would end up found and killed in an alley, or something along those lines. Intelligence said there was someone who would come into this club and look for the dancers. He would then approach them and offer them a higher paying job, at which point he would get them addicted to red sand and sell them to the highest bidder. I won’t go into the details, but I can tell you that what happened to some of those people was horrific.”

“This is Omega, right?” Garrus nodded at the screen, “so no logs coming in or out of the club.”

“That’s right,” Anderson agreed, “none of the other dancers would talk to us. Our mission was simple, find who was offering them work, and eliminate them.”

“What, no jail?” James glanced at Anderson.

“Son, by the time N7 calls Shepard in, we’re past the point of jail.”

“By this point, I had been dancing, yes Garrus, dancing, at this club with Dena for about three weeks. It was one of the longer undercover missions I’ve done.” Shepard waved at the screen, “this is the night that the target came in.”

“We already had an idea of who was taking the dancers, we just needed confirmation. James,” Anderson turned to him, “up for a little test?”

“I’m like four drinks in for the night, but sure,” James shrugged, “what do you want me to do.”

“Identify the target.”

James nodded, and Anderson moved to start the video.

“Keep the chatter on,” Shepard said over his shoulder, “let everyone know what’s going on.”

Anderson pressed the button and the figures on the screen started moving, electronic music pouring out of the speakers as people danced.

“Spike, get ready to announce them,” the disembodied voice of Anderson came from the recording.

“Target spotted,” came from Shepard where he stood in the cage.

“Got him,” Dena waved at a few of the dancers on the floor, “headed toward the bar.”

James scanned the screen, looking at the peopled headed towards the bar. The club was packed, easily a hundred people moving together, twenty or so at the bar.

“You guys ready to go?” Spike asked.

“Let’s do it,” Shepard agreed.

“Says the one who’s been making a killing on tips all week,” Dena was dancing slowly in her cage, gathering the attention of those underneath it.

“Don’t be jealous,” Shepard started moving too, and true to his earlier description, it was in time with the beat.

“I’m not jealous, you’re the one that lets everyone touch you.”

“What can I say, sex work runs in the family,” Shepard chuckled, “Spike let’s get a move on, the target has his drink.”

James checked again and saw five or so people reamining at the bar with a drink in hand.

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, are we ready for the featured dancers of the night?” Spike’s voice boomed within the club, and the crowd cheered, “you’re in for a treat tonight, we have the top dancer of the month, Jay.”

Shepard waved from his cage and the crowd surged toward it, Shepard smiling and flexing.

“That’s not all folks, we also have Jade.”

Dena flashed her biotics and the crowd’s attention was split.

“Do you want to see them move?”

The group screamed in affirmative.

“I can’t hear you, maybe we should let them take the night off.”

The cages moved up a foot, hoisted by the large chains that held them and the crowd screamed, Anderson chuckling in the background “there’ll be no living with John after this, he’ll have an ego.”

“Laugh it up, Anderson, you’re the one who needed me on this mission,” Shepard kneeled down in his cage, reaching an arm out through the bars at the waiting people below.

“I didn’t know you would do so well at it.”

“Like I said, my mom taught me all kinds of life skills,” Shepard’s voice was curt, “can we get a move on please?”

“Alright, folks, you want them, you got them,” Spike called out as the chains slowly lowered the cages to the stage, the crowd of people surging forward, waving their Omni-tools and screaming as Shepard and Dena were unlocked from the cages by the Asaris who had been dancing.

“It’s quiet theatrical, isn’t it,” Liara observed, “all of these people, they really believe that they have a chance to win your attention.”

“The club is also a brothel,” Shepard watched himself walk across the stage meeting Dena in the middle, “a lot of the dancers would go home with you if you asked them too.”

“Oh,” Liara watched the screen, “I hope you didn’t have to do that.”

“I have had to do a lot for N7,” Shepard’s face was a schooled blank expression, “it’s a sacrifice we all make to keep the galaxy safe.”

“At what expense?”

Shepard looked at Liara, “one I was willing to pay. Most of the dancers that had been taken from this club were Asari, young, like you. At this point, we were in the double digits of mutilated and killed girls.”

Liara looked away, flushed, “that doesn’t seem very fair to you.”

“Life isn’t fair,” Shepard turned back to the screen.

James reached out and took Shepard’s hand, squeezing gently, “at least you look hot in that outfit.” The Shepard on stage was wearing a black button up shirt and black pants, fitted to show off his muscular shape. Dena matched, a slinky backless black dress hugging her form as she stood with Shepard.

Shepard snorted, “it’s all tear away clothes. It was hard to walk in it all without it falling off.”

“And they’re itchy,” Dena added, “and you leave the club covered in so much glitter it’s stupid.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s hear it for Jay and Jade,” Spike called over the speaker as the club surged into motion.

Loud music coming over the speaker as Shepard and Dena started moving across the stage, walking closer to the edge before they started dancing.

“Well, shit,” Garrus watched as Shepard rolled his body to the beat, “he can dance.”

“Told you,” Dena grabbed on to Garrus’ fringe and shook his head gently.

“Yeah, yeah,” Garrus waved her off, “I thought this was a strip club? You’re more dressed here than you usually are on the ship.”

“Give me a minute, it was just the beginning of the song and I was keeping an eye on the target.”

James followed the gaze of the Shepard on the screen, settling on a blond man walking through the crowd, drink still in hand, toward the stage.

“The target is that blond guy?” James asked, pointing at the screen.

“Well done, Vega,” Anderson smiled at him, “very well done.”

“Here you go, Garrus,” the music changed, and Shepard reached for the buttons on his shirt, slowly undoing them one by one before pulling it from his body and leaving it on the stage as he took a step forward, leaning over the stage to let a woman press her Omni-tool to an arm band around his left shoulder.

“What’s that?” Tali asked.

“How dancers get tips,” Shepard answered, “it deposits it to a bank account directly.”

Shepard smiled at the girl who had approached him, kneeling for her to run her hands over this stomach with an excited grin to her friends next to her. Slowly, Shepard stood and resumed dancing, moving perfectly with the beat as his muscles flexed as he rolled his hips.

“Fuck, John,” Kaidan watched the screen, “you’re full of talents.”

“As you know, Major,” Shepard smiled as Kaidan flushed.

The song came to an end and the stage was cast into darkness, Spike’s voice over the speaker filled the room, “not only can Jay and Jade move…”

There was a pause and both Shepard and Dena flared their biotics on the stage, the only two points of light in the room.

“They can glow,” Spike finished, “get your tips in now folks, and we can keep them moving.”

Shepard and Dena both reached over the stage, still glowing, as people lined up to press their Omni-tools to their arm bands.

“How much money did you make during this entire thing?” Joker asked from the couch, “there must be fifty people waiting to tip you.”

“I have no idea.”

“Shepard donated all the money he earned over the month to the victim’s families,” Anderson explained, “it was a considerable donation.”

“What, were you loaded then too?” James elbowed Shepard.

“Far from it,” Shepard shook his head, “but it was the right thing to do.”

“That’s our Commander,” Steve nodded.

“Alright folks make some room, and remember the rules, hands to yourself unless the dancers approach you,” Spike called out, and Shepard and Dena descended the steps from the stage and into the crowd.

“Does anyone have eyes on the target?” Anderson’s voice chimed in.

“I do,” Shepard confirmed, “he’s approaching me.”

“Remember, we need to hear that he’s offering you a job, we need the confirmation.”

Shepard didn’t answer, the lights in the club raising slightly as a darker song came over the speakers, the crowd surging around him and Dena as they walked further into the dance floor.

Shepard started dancing again, his biotics still glowing as the blond man moved to dance near him. Their bodies almost touching until Shepard reached out and pulled him in closer.

“You’re beautiful,” the man could be heard over Shepard’s comm-unit.

“Thank you,” Shepard replied, “what’s your name?”

“Adam,” the man sounded breathless, and James realized that he was grinding against one of Shepard’s thighs.

“Target confirmed,” Anderson’s voice was lower, not wanting Adam to hear him.

The two danced for a moment, then Shepard’s biotics started to spread, slowly filling the dance floor with a blue glow that spread like mist across the floor. The people standing within it turning into a frenzy as they reached for each other.

“What’s happening?” Garrus looked over the crowd, “it looks like an orgy.”

“Just about,” Dena nodded, “Shepard’s biotics feel _very_ good in certain circumstances, right now he’s basically driving them into a lust fueled distraction. It was one of the advertised features of the night.”

“Oh god,” Adam’s head tilted back as Shepard continued to grind against him, “you’re amazing. Come and talk to me after this dance, I have a job for you.”

“That’s all we need, Shepard you know what to do.”

The rhythm of the music picked up, and Shepard’s biotics started to obstruct the camera view as they moved up room, creeping up the walls and towards the lights.

“Shit, Dena, keep an eye on him.”

“I can see him,” Dena confirmed from the crowd, “Spike, be ready with the lights.”

The intensity of the music increased with Shepard’s biotics, the crowd a mass of frantic people grinding against each other.

“Holy shit,” Joker watched the scene, “are you getting off like a hundred people at once.”

Shepard shrugged, “I’m sure some of them are faking it.”

The room held its breath as the scene in front of them played out, the music hitting it’s peak and the lights in the club going out at the same time Shepard’s biotics flickered out.

“Mission accomplished,” Shepard sounded breathless, “I have Dena, we’re off the floor.”

The lights in the club turned back on, and there was a moment of stunned silence before the screaming started. A woman next to Adam noticing him lifeless on the floor with a shriek, the club moved into a panic as people ran for the door.

“Wait,” Kaidan looked at the screen and Anderson paused the video, “how did you kill him?”

“I burned out his nervous system with my biotics,” Shepard looked at Kaidan, “I was strong even before Cerberus got to me.”

“So you just…cooked his brain?”

“Pretty much,” Shepard agreed, “imagine one of your migraines in hyperdrive.”

The room fell into silence and Anderson looked at Shepard with concern.

“Don’t worry, dad, they always do this when they learn some new fucked up thing I can do.”

Joker turned to Shepard, “I have so many questions.”

“Go ahead.”

“Did that really get all those people off?”

“Probably a few.”

“More than a few,” Dena countered, “Shepard is amazing with his biotics.”

“If you did that in this room?”

“The one that my dad, my father in law, and my son is in?” Shepard shook his head, “not a chance Joker.”

“I mean could you burn us all out the same way?”

“Oh,” Shepard looked over the room, “sure, I guess. The biotics would take a bit longer because their nervous system is set up to deal with that kind of energy, but I could.” Shepard raised an eyebrow at Joker, flaring blue, “want to see?”

“No!” Joker held up his hands, “I already know you’re scary, I don’t need an example.”

Shepard chuckled and pulled his biotics back, “honestly, we killed the Collectors. Me killing one man with biotics is an average Friday.”

“It’s the dancing that’s throwing me for a loop,” Garrus shook his head, “all these years, and I really thought you couldn’t dance.”

“What else can you do that we don’t know about?” James wrapped an arm over Shepard’s shoulder, and the grin Shepard sent his way was positively filthy.

“Baby you have no idea.”


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who was a fucking rockstar and edited 8 chapters for us? 
> 
> Alilypea, that's who.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“They teach you how to dance in N7, what else do they teach you?” Liara asked Dena.

“All kinds of things,” Dena responded from Liara’s lap, where she was perched, looking very happy with herself.

“What was the hardest test?”

“Oh, that’s easy, the sensory deprivation one,” Dena brought a hand up to trail over Liara’s crest, “they take away your sight and you have to pick who is in the room with you. Shepard was the only one who could do it.”

“It’s not hard,” Shepard interjected, “everyone else insisted on rushing so they didn’t get the answer right.”

“How does it work?” James called over, “can I get an inside scoop?”

“Anderson?”

“I’m good with it. He’s practically N7 already,” Anderson walked over to the middle of the room before pointing near the piano, “let’s go over there. We need more room.”

Curious, the crew followed Anderson, lining the walls around the room and watching.

“Shepard, do you want to show him how it’s done?”

“Sure,” Shepard walked over to Anderson in the middle of the room.

“Do you have a blindfold we can use?”

“I’ll do you one better,” Shepard turned and called, “Glyph.”

Glyph flew into the room, “yes, Commander?”

“Can you sync my ocular implants with the screen?”

“Yes, Commander.”

The crew looked past Shepard, watching as his point of view appeared on the screen, “perfect.” Shepard turned to look at Anderson, and across the screen read: _David Anderson – Admiral – 6 foot – 200 lbs – Human – Heart Rate 75 bpm. _

“Is that what you see when you look at everyone?” Anderson looked at the screen.

Shepard nodded, “watch.”

His gazed moved to Garrus, the new identifiers scrolling across the screen _Garrus Vakarian – CSEC- 6 foot 6 inches – 180 lbs – Turian – Heart Rate – 45 bpm_.

“Doesn’t that get distracting?” Kaidan asked, “it takes up so much room.”

“I turn off the name identifiers, most of the time. They’re just on because I haven’t messed with the settings since I fixed Emilio’s arm,” Shepard pulled up his Omni-tool and directed to the eye menu within, “James, let me show you think because you’re going to need to turn them back to normal in a minute.”

James looked over Shepard’s shoulder and watched as Shepard pressed a button, the screen across the room turning off with only the words _Ocular Implant Disabled_ visible. James looked up at Shepard’s eyes and let out a low whistle.

“What?”

“Your eyes are black like a light went out,” James took Shepard’s chin in his hand and turned his head so he could have a better look, “it’s weird to think that your eyes aren’t, well, real.”

“Of course they’re not,” Shepard smiled, “they likely popped on entry when I died.”

“Gross,” James frowned.

“You’re telling me,” Shepard shrugged, “you learn to live with all the robot parts.”

“Okay, moving on,” Anderson had James take a step back, “the object of this is to identify who is standing near you without the use of your sight. For the non-humans in the room, it’s important to remember that our senses are not nearly as developed as yours. For us, this is a real reach.”

“For you, maybe,” Shepard chuckled, “I manage just fine.”

“Well let’s see how you do, son, it’s been a while.” Anderson moved everyone against the walls, “I’m going to point to one of you, and I want you to step forward. Don’t say anything, and we’ll see if John can figure out who it is. Ready, John?”

Shepard shook out his arms and took a deep breath, “let’s do it.”

Anderson looked around the room before settling on Liara, pointing at her for her to step forward.

“Alright, John, go ahead.”

Shepard stood still and took another deep breath before smiling, “Liara.”

“Right,” David nodded to Liara to step back and pointed at EDI, who stepped forward, “who now.”

“EDI.”

“Well done, should we make it a bit harder?”

“Go for it.”

EDI stepped back, and Anderson pointed to Kaidan and Joker, standing on opposite sides of the room. Both stepped forward.

“Alright, John.”

“Joker and Kaidan.”

“Damn, you’re still right on the money. Okay, let’s try this. I want everyone to shuffle around the room, change where you’re standing, and make a circle around John and me.”

The crew sprung into motion, attempting to move quietly around Shepard as they changed places and moved to stand around the Commander.

“John, I want you to touch Garrus.”

Another deep breath and Shepard turned on his heel, facing Garrus and reaching a hand out to land on his chest.

“Now, Grunt.”

A smaller turn, and a hand on Grunt’s arm.

“Last one and this one will be harder,” Anderson looked around the room, “who’s standing to the right of James?”

Shepard paused, before a slow turn to his left to face James, “Steve.”

“Well done, Commander,” Anderson clapped, “remarkable.”

“Thank you,” Shepard smiled, “babe, can you turn my eyes back on?”

James walked over to the Omni-tool and went through the menus, turning Shepard’s eyes back to their usual blue, “that’s better.”

“Lieutenant Vega, did you want to try?”

“I’m not sure I understand what I just saw,” James looked to Anderson, “never mind if I could do it.”

“Of course you can,” Shepard assured, “want to give it a go? I’ll explain it.”

James shrugged, “sure.”

Shepard gave him a reassuring smile, “I just need to get something to cover your eyes, I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t feel bad if you don’t get it right, Vega,” Dena spoke to him as Shepard went upstairs, “I didn’t get any right, Spike only got one.”

“I guessed,” Spike added, “I had no idea.”

“I got lucky, they didn’t do this test when I was in the program.” Anderson shrugged, “benefits of being old.”

Shepard came down the stairs with something burgundy in his hands, and James fought the flush at the sight of the tie.

“Ready?”

“I don’t know what I’m getting ready for, but sure,” James let Shepard tie the fabric around his eyes and lead him to the middle of the room.

“Okay, let me explain it while you get used to no vision,” Shepard nodded at the crew who took their original position against the wall, “what are the human senses?”

“Sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.”

“That’s right, and I’ve taken one away from you,” Shepard continued, “the purpose of this test is to attempt to identify those around you by the remaining senses. This might be important if you’re ever captured, and in a low light condition, need to identify who is around you. This is also very helpful at spotting infiltrators who are cloaked, which is why I can shoot them when most of the crew can’t.”

“That doesn’t explain how to actually do it, Loco.”

“Relax, breath, and just _feel_. Your other senses will start giving you additional information as your body realizes that you can’t see,” Shepard took his hands from James, “you know a lot about all of us already, so just stick to what you know, and you’ll be just fine.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It will.”

“Ready, son?”

“Let’s give it a try.”

James heard someone take a step forward to his right and fought the urge to turn his head, forcing his body to relax as Shepard had.

Nothing came to him, and he felt the urge to panic. The fear of embarrassing himself in front of Anderson overwhelming.

“This about what you know of the crew,” Shepard spoke from his left, “and relax. James, you can do this,” Shepard moved behind him and squeezed his shoulders, “now, take a deep breath.”

James did, drawing a long breath in through his nose.

That’s when it hit him, the _slight_ scent of flowers. A smell that he associated with the engineering department.

“Tali?”

“Well done, son,” Anderson sounded elated, “want to try another one?”

“Sure?”

There was a shuffle and then a few steps. James took another breath and was hit by the slight scent of mint.

“Jack?”

“Excellent,” Anderson cheered, “really excellent. Ready for the bonus round?”

“Let’s do it.”

James heard two sets of footsteps, and he considered for a moment, “Grunt.”

“That’s one, who’s the other?”

James took a deep breath in, and then spoke, “I was going to say Esteban, but that’s not right. It must be Kaidan.”

“Absolutely!” Anderson grabbed his shoulder, “how could you tell?”

“Esteban loves barbeque sauce; he eats it on everything. I could smell the barbeque sauce, but it didn’t seem strong enough to be him. Then I smelt the hair gel, and I realized it must be the Major. He smells like barbeque sauce from kissing Esteban upstairs.”

“Should we do the really hard one?” Shepard asked Anderson.

“Do you think he could do it?”

“I do.”

“Let’s try it.” Anderson took a step back from James, “we’re going to try something that you didn’t see with Shepard’s test, as so far as I know, he is the only one in the room that can do it.”

“Go for it,” James felt confident.

There was a sudden smell of ozone, and the crew erupted into chatter.

“Alright, quiet everyone, James needs to be able to hear.”

“James,” it was Shepard’s voice, but it seemed to come from all around him at once, moving in a ring around him, “touch me.”

“What the fuck, Loco?”

“Don’t panic,” the ring of Shepard’s voices spoke around him, “think about what you know about me, and find me.”

James went over what he knew of Shepard in his head. He was tall, quiet when he walked; generally, smelt of Alliance issued soap, and he was warm.

James turned in a slow circle, stopping when he felt a wall of heat in front of him and reaching out, his hand landing on a solid chest.

“Well done, Lieutenant, exceptional,” Anderson clapped, “take the blindfold off, you might want to see this.”

James did, blinking against the light of the apartment, to see a circle of thirteen Shepard’s standing around him, twelve of them blue, constructed of Shepard’s biotics, and one, the one which James had his hand on, the real Shepard.

“Neat party trick, Loco.”

“I live to please, Lieutenant,” the Shepard’s spoke to him, and then with a breath, fizzled out.

“He might give your records a run for their money, son, I haven’t seen a performance that good since you graduated.”

“Everything I have is his to take,” Shepard kept the eye contact with James, “even my records.”

James closed his fist in Shepard’s shirt, pulling him in for a kiss and speaking quietly to Shepard, “could you do that in the bedroom?”

“We already have K and Steve,” Shepard kissed James’ cheek, “how many dicks do you need?”

***

The party was winding down, most of the guests gone when Dena looked at Liara and declared, “I’m going to get out of here, want to come to the hotel for some drinks?”

Liara flushed, a bright blue dusting her cheeks, “I’d like that.”

“Have fun kids,” Shepard gave a wave from the couch he was stretched across, James reclined half on top of him.

“When are we leaving Shepard?”

“Two days,” Shepard waved a hand, shooing Liara and Dena out, “don’t worry about work. I’ll message you.”

“Good night,” Liara waved and followed Dena out the door.

“Cute couple,” James observed.

“Almost as cute as you two,” Kaidan commented from where he sat with Steve on the chair.

James smiled, “or us.”

“Or us,” Kaidan agreed.

“Right, kids, I’m going to go,” Anderson walked into the room with Emilio close behind, “turns out Emilio and I are staying on the same section of the Citadel, we’re going to share a cab.”

“When are you back to earth?” Shepard stood, walking Anderson and Emilio to the door.

“I leave tomorrow afternoon,” Anderson pulled Shepard into a hug, “have time for breakfast with your dad tomorrow?”

“I always have time for you,” Shepard pulled back, “Luna’s?”

Anderson frowned, “she still after me about that Krogan?”

“For sure,” James chuckled.

Anderson sighed, “I’ll have to face her eventually, sure. Message me when you four are awake.”

Shepard nodded as Kaidan, Steve, and James shared a frantic look.

“Looks like you guys have an empty crib,” Emilio looked around.

“Joker and EDI are in there,” Shepard pointed to the downstairs bedroom, “I think that the rest of them left. Something weird about your commanding officer hearing you have sex.”

“On that note,” Emilio shook Shepard’s hand, “I’ll talk with you tomorrow.”

“Have a good night,” Shepard shut the door behind them and turned to face three anxious faces.

“Your dad knows?!” Kaidan waved at the door, “how?”

Shepard arched an eyebrow, “I’ll give you one guess, Major.”

“N7?” James asked.

“N7,” Shepard confirmed, “he could likely read our body language and see something was different from how we interacted.”

“Doesn’t seem like he cared, though,” Steve observed, “he didn’t look upset.”

Shepard shrugged, “he’s never been one to involve himself in my private business.”

“It’s bedtime,” Kaidan declared, leading the group up the stairs, “I’m exhausted.”

“We have an empty bed,” Shepard waved down the hallway.

“Why aren’t they sleeping with us?” James looked at Shepard, “that was awesome.”

“They just got engaged, baby, they might want to be alone to celebrate,” Shepard wrapped an arm over James’ shoulder and opened the master bedroom door, “you are of course welcome to join us in here if you want.”

“Kaidan?” Steve looked at the bedroom door, “alone or with the guys?”

“With the guys is my vote, you?”

“Same.”

“Alright then,” Shepard walked into the bedroom, the others following, “you guys get ready for bed first, I’m just going to catch up on my email.”

***

“What takes him so long?” Steve looked at the still closed bathroom door, “does he have more teeth to brush or something? Another Cerberus upgrade?”

_If I were to guess, he’s giving himself a pep talk. Keep in mind he can hear through walls – JV_

Steve looked up from his Omni-tool, giving James a confused look before sending a message back.

_What kind of pep talk? -SC_

_Probably about the cybernetics. He doesn’t like being seen topless in the dark – JV_

_He was naked this morning – KA_

_There were lights on – JV_

_So what do we say? -SC_

_Nothing about the lights, and he’ll relax eventually – JV_

“I’m so tired,” Kaidan settled back into the bed, “too much excitement today.”

The bathroom door opened, and Shepard stepped out, a black t-shirt and boxers still in place.

“No way, Loco,” James waved at the shirt, “get that shit off. I’ve wanted to cuddle your sexy body since I watched you dance.”

Shepard looked down at the shirt, “I’m still plenty undressed.”

“Here,” Steve stood from the bed, walking over to Shepard with a warm smile, “lift.”

“Sure you can reach, Lieutenant?” Shepard hesitated for a moment, then lifted his arms and let Steve pull the shirt off of him with some difficulty.

“Yeah, yeah, funny guy. You ever get tired with your head in the clouds?”

Shepard reached down and picked him up, so Steve wrapped his legs around Shepard’s waist, “there, now you tell me what it’s like up this high.”

Steve wrapped his arms around Shepard’s shoulders, “looks pretty good to me, Commander. I like it when you have me in this position.”

“Hmmm,” Shepard walked over to the side of the bed that Kaidan was on, “why is that?”

“Please, John, like you don’t know that you’re like walking sex,” Steve ran a hand over Shepard’s chest, not commenting on, but tracing the light in his chest.

“I’m something,” with no warning, Shepard tossed Steve into the middle of the bed who gave a startled yell.

“Damnit, John,” Steve laughed, “I was hoping for another kiss.”

“Me first, Esteban,” James spread his legs and waved for Shepard to kneel between them.

Shepard moved toward James, crawling over the bed to settle between James’ legs and carefully settled his weight over James, kissing him.

James let out a low pleased noise, bringing his arms up to wrap around Shepard’s waist, holding him in place. Eventually, the need for air won out, and James pulled back with a gasp, “don’t you need to breath?”

“I have about ten minutes that my cybernetics can keep things going without me breathing,” Shepard kissed James on the nose and rolled onto his back between him and Steve.

Steve rolled on his side, dropping his head on Shepard’s chest and reaching behind him to pull Kaidan tight against him, “I just can’t get over how big you are,” Steve ran his hands over Shepard’s chest and down his stomach.

Shepard reached an arm out, letting Steve settled further onto his chest and carding his finger’s through Kaidan’s hair.

“I like how big he is,” James dropped his head onto the other side of Shepard’s chest, joining Steve in running a hand across Shepard’s skin, moving low between his hips and smiling as Shepard sucked in a hiss.

“James,” Shepard warned.

“Yes, John?” James tried and failed for an innocent voice as he repeated the action.

“Don’t tease me,” Shepard kissed the top of James’ head, “or I’ll tie you to this bed and let Kaidan and Steve fuck you before you even see my dick, and you’ll only cum when we’re all finished.”

James glanced at Steve, and they shared a look, “I can’t see one thing wrong with that picture, John.”

“I’m game,” Kaidan called from behind Steve.

“Noted,” Shepard closed his eyes as the two men resumed their teasing, “you know, I could get you both back right now. I wouldn’t even need to move.”

“How do you figure, Mr. N7?”

Shepard just smiled at Steve, and slowly a blue haze like the one in the video covered the bed. James let out a startled groan at the feeling a full-body buzz, his entire body tingling as the blue-covered him, Steve, and Kaidan. The overwhelming feeling of lust and the need to touch and be touched clouding any logical thought.

“Holy shit,” Steve gasped, “Is this what you did at the club?”

“Similar,” Shepard seemed unaffected.

James went to move his hand and found it frozen in place, “why can’t I move?”

“Because I won’t let you,” Shepard chuckled, “you want to tease me? I can tease you right back.”

The blue increased subtly, and Kaidan let out a low moan from behind Steve, “why are you torturing me? I didn’t do anything.”

“Because I like how you moan,” Shepard answered, still running his hands through Kaidan’s hair, “do you want me to stop?”

Kaidan groaned, “you’re evil.”

“That’s not a yes,” Shepard noted, “I think you’re all enjoying yourselves.”

“Loco, let me touch you,” James whined, “please.”

“Are you begging, Lieutenant?”

“Yes,” James fought the blue cloud holding him, “I’m begging, please, for the love of god fuck me.”

As quickly as it came, the blue left and James reached over, turning Shepard’s head for a kiss, “you’re an evil man, John.”

“You have no idea, baby,” Shepard didn’t stop James as he slid his hand under Shepard’s boxers, “still want me?”

“So bad,” James moved to straddle Shepard, Steve moving to wrap himself around Kaidan.

“Yeah?”

“Stop talking and get inside me,” James tugged at the waistband of Shepard’s underwear, “now.”

“I need to get you ready first.”

“Actually, can I do that?” Steve asked.

“You want to get James ready for me?” Shepard looked over, “what about Kaidan?”

“We could switch, I’ll prepare your bottom, you prepare mine.”

“Boys?”

“I don’t care who prepares me,” James pulled off his boxers, “but I want your dick, so someone needs to get to it.”

“All good by me,” Kaidan shrugged, “so long as you’re gentle.”

Shepard nodded, retrieving the lube from the bedside cabinet and dropping it on the bed, “alright Steve. Treat my man right.”

“Always,” Steve and Shepard switched places, Steve immediately pulling James into a kiss.

“Well, he doesn’t waste time,” Shepard smiled at Kaidan as he stretched out next to him.

“No, he usually jumps right in,” Kaidan shifted to give Shepard room.

“Alright? You seem nervous.”

“I am, a bit,” Kaidan admitted.

“I’ll be gentle,” Shepard tugged at the waistband of Kaidan’s boxers, “but I’m not doing much while you’re dressed.”

Kaidan stood, pulling his boxers down and off with a sheepish grin. Shepard moved, propping the pillows against the headboard and sitting against them.

“Come here,” Shepard pat his lap and Kaidan looked at him skeptically.

“You’re going to prep me sitting up?”

“Kaidan,” Shepard reached out, tugging Kaidan by a hand, “stop stressing and come here.”

Kaidan straddled Shepard, glancing at James and Steve, who were tangled together, kissing with little regard to those they were sharing a bed with.

“They’re having fun,” Shepard trailed his hands over Kaidan’s thighs, “now stop thinking, and kiss me.”

Kaidan leaned forward, pressing a tentative kiss to Shepard’s lips, drawing a laugh from Shepard.

“I had your dick down my throat this morning Kaidan, be bold.”

Kaidan arched an eyebrow at Shepard, “Is that a challenge, Commander?”

“Absolutely, Major,” Shepard pulled Kaidan back in for another kiss, using one hand on Kaidan’s lower back to keep him in place as he deepened it.

It only took a moment for Kaidan to relax, wrapping his arm around Shepard’s neck with a contented hum.

“That’s it, K,” Shepard kissed along the side of Kaidan’s neck, “it’s just me.

Kaidan let out a low chuckle, “I’m nervous because it’s you.”

“No need, ask James, I’m decent at this,” Shepard slid a hand to Kaidan’s ass, giving it a firm squeeze.

“He’s the best,” James confirmed from his side of the bed, Steve busy reaching for the lube.

“We have a history,” Kaidan let out a gasp as Shepard bit down on one of his nipples, “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“You’ve never disappointed me,” Shepard held Kaidan tight to his body and flipped them, so Kaidan was on his back with Shepard kneeling over him, “and I’m getting you ready for Steve, there is literally nothing you could do in this position to disappoint me.”

“You don’t know that,” Kaidan spread his legs for Shepard to kneel between them.

“K?” Shepard glanced at Kaidan’s face, “shut up and let me enjoy you.”

“Yes, Commander,” Kaidan closed his eyes and rested his head back onto the pillow.

“Ah, fuck, Esteban, easy,” James groaned from beside them, “I’d like to last until John is inside me.”

Shepard chuckled, pressing a kiss to Kaidan’s stomach and reaching for the lube, “it’s alright if you don’t, babe.”

“Hurry up and get the Major ready; I’m dying here.”

Shepard brought a finger to Kaidan, gently teasing the tight ring of muscle, “I can’t do that unless Kaidan relaxes.”

“Then do something to take my mind off of the fact that _Commander Shepard_ is about to finger me.”

Shepard did one long lick from the base of Kaidan’s dick to the tip causing the smaller man to arch his back, pressing Shepard’s finger inside of him.

“Like this?” Shepard glanced up at Kaidan, who was watching him with dark eyes.

“Do that again.”

“Of course, Major,” Shepard repeated the motion, this time taking the head of Kaidan’s cock into his mouth and flicking his tongue over the sensitive underside, moving his finger slightly to prepare him for two.

“_Dios Mio_,” James closed his eyes, “I can’t handle this. I’m gonna cum watching them.”

“Pretty sexy,” Steve agreed, “Kaidan doesn’t usually let me do slow prep.”

Shepard pressed another finger inside of Kaidan, curling them with a faint biotic glow.

“Holy _fuck_,” Kaidan reached down, tangling one hand in Shepard’s hair, his own biotics flaring.

Shepard hummed, vibrant blue eyes meeting Kaidan’s.

“You know, I think I could watch you make Kaidan come like that and I wouldn’t even be mad that I wasn’t getting laid tonight. Look at them, James.”

“I’m almost there as it is, Esteban; I’m not looking at anything,” James kept his eyes closed rocking back into Steve’s hand.

Kaidan pulled Shepard’s head off of his dick with a pop as he pressed the third finger inside of him, “wait, slow down.”

“Did I hurt you?”

“No,” Kaidan let out a low laugh, “but I’m close.”

“Think you’re ready for your husband?”

“Very ready,” Kaidan reached out for Steve and Shepard moved back, walking around the bed to James.

“Take those off, Loco, or I’m going to shred them,” James pointed to Shepard’s boxers.

Shepard slid the boxers down his legs and kicked them off, “how do you want me?”

“Inside me,” James reached out for the lube, taking it from Steve, “now.”

“Needy,” Shepard kneeled between James’ legs and let him run a slicked hand over his cock.

“Yes,” James pulled Shepard forward, pulling him into a kiss while reaching down to position him, “let’s go.”

Shepard pushed forward, pleased to find that Steve had done a thorough job of preparing James, a natural slide until he bottomed out.

“Fuck,” Kaidan ran a hand through his hair as Steve mirrored Shepard, pushing inside of Kaidan.

“Move, John,” James reached down for his own cock, stroking it, “I’m not looking for a marathon, I’m looking to cum.”

Shepard kissed James, starting a slow rhythm pulling a whine from James, “stop treating me like I’m made of glass and fuck me, John.”

“I am fucking you,” Shepard sped up slightly, spurred on by a broken moan from Kaidan.

“Faster,” James whined, “come on.”

“James,” Shepard reached down and grasped James by the hip, trying to stop him as he rolled against Shepard’s hips, “stop.”

“John,” James put his arms over his head, bracing against the headboard and pushing back against Shepard, “please.”

“For fuck sakes,” Shepard pulled out, looking down at James with an exasperated expression.

James froze for a minute, looking up at Shepard, “what?” James flushed when he felt Steve and Kaidan stopbeside them.

“To me, you are made of glass,” Shepard brought a gentle hand to James’ jaw, pulling him up for a kiss, “stop trying to make me lose control, or I might hurt you.”

James let out a breath, “I have an idea.”

“Alright?”

“On your back,” James shifted to give Shepard room to lay down, and moved to straddle him, “I can’t break you, so let me take control.”

“Go for it,” Shepard helped James position him and slowly slide down with a satisfied sigh.

James didn’t hesitate, immediately resting his hands on Shepard’s chest and rocking his hips. Shepard let out a low moan and reached up, wrapping his hands around the headboard.

“Little help?” James looked down at his cock, resting heavy and flushed against Shepard’s stomach.

Shepard’s biotics flared, and James watched as the waves moved over his thighs and wrapped around his dick.

“Can you do that for more than one person?” Kaidan asked his hands next to Shepard’s on the headboard.

Shepard looked up, moving his hand to sit next to Kaidan’s, the biotics travelling over Kaidan’s body and down to his cock, the waves rolling over him at the pace they moved over James.

The pace of the room grew frantic, Kaidan moving his hand to wrap around Shepard’s where they rested on the headboard and groaning, “feels so good.”

“I’m not going to last,” Steve moved to kiss Kaidan’s neck, “I’m already close.”

“Come on,” Kaidan pulled Steve into a kiss, “I want to feel it.”

Steve came with an almost surprised moan, driving his hips hard against Kaidan as he spilled inside of him, Kaidan following him over the edge with Steve’s name falling from his lips.

“_John_,” James sped up his movements, “more.”

Shepard moved his biotics from Kaidan, increasing the blue over James, “come on, James.”

James dropped his head back, riding Shepard hard, coming with a groan as Steve reached out and pinched his nipple, covering Shepard’s chest but not slowing, determined to bring Shepard over the edge.

“Come on, John,” James looked down at Shepard, whose biotics were slowly filling the room as he panted, “come on beautiful.”

It was the beautiful that did it, Shepard arching his back and breaking the headboard with a crack as he came with a loud moan.

“_Yes_,” James slowed the roll of his hips, but kept moving as he worked Shepard through it, “you’re gorgeous, John.”

Shepard reached out, pulled James down for a kiss as his body shook with the aftershocks, “you’re amazing.”

James smiled, “I know.”

“And so humble,” Kaidan commented, looking up at the headboard, “you broke the bed.”

“I’ll buy us another one,” Shepard pulled James down against his chest, running his hands through his hair, “I’d rather break the bed than James.”

“It must be hard for you,” Steve gently pulled from Kaidan and walked to the bathroom for a towel, “with how strong you are.”

“I wasn’t sure if I could ever have sex again,” Shepard caught the towel Steve threw him, “not while being this strong.”

“Proved you wrong,” James rolled off of Shepard, moving to lay between Shepard and Kaidan.

“So you did,” Shepard wiped his chest, passing the towel to James.

“You ride like a pro, James,” Kaidan wrapped an arm over James, kissing his neck as he rolled onto his side to face him.

“Want a turn?”

“If you’re offering, and John is okay with it,” Kaidan closed his eyes, “for sure.”

“I’m good with it,” Shepard turned on his Omni-tool and turned down the temperature of the room.

Steve looked over the bed, “John, can I cuddle with you?”

“For sure,” Shepard slid closer to James, leaving room for Steve beside him, which Steve happily filled and wrapped his arm over Shepard.

_What the fuck did we just hear? -JM_

“Well…Joker knows,” Shepard looked over the message.

“What are you going to tell him?” Kaidan asked, mostly asleep.

“Orgy,” Shepard typed out a message.

“Sounds good to me,” James rolled to face Kaidan, pulling him in close.

_You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, just know that I’m happy, and I’d like to stay that way – JS_

There was a pause, then Joker’s reply.

_Good for you, John. I’ll keep the jokes to a minimum – JM_

_Thanks, Joker – JS_

_No problem, stud - JM_


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James woke up to the sound of someone sobbing, and for a moment, he stayed still, wondering if he was caught in a dream. Then he heard Shepard speak quietly.

“Steve?”

“Sorry,” Steve whispered, “bad dream.”

“Come here.”

James felt the bed shift and felt Steve’s back press against his as he reached for Shepard.

“Want to talk about it?” Shepard kept his voice low.

James felt Steve shake his head, a slight shift in the bed.

“I get bad dreams too,” Shepard turned too, moving to face Steve, “you can tell me about them if you want too.”

Steve only said one word, but James felt his heart break.

“Robert.”

“Hmm,” Shepard tucked Steve into this chest, wrapping both arms around him, “I think he would be mighty impressed with you.”

There was a pause before Steve asked, “why?”

“Look at all the men in your bed,” Shepard joked, keeping his voice down to not wake Kaidan.

Steve let out a small huff of laughter, “he might be jealous.”

“I heard the recording, Steve, he wanted you to live your life to the fullest. He would be happy for you.”

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer.”

“Of course.”

“Was there a heaven?”

James counted the seconds, and for a minute, thought that Shepard might not answer.

“If there is a heaven, I didn’t go there,” Shepard was cautious, “but I’m not sure if I would deserve to go to heaven if there is one.”

“If not you, then who?”

“I was not a good person before I joined the Alliance. I have a lot of debt to pay for.”

“I always wonder if I’ll ever see him again,” Steve said, bashful like it was a secret.

“You might. What Robert is experiencing might be different than what happened to me.”

“Was being dead bad?”

“No,” Shepard answered that confidently, “no, it wasn’t.”

Steve sighed, “I’m sorry to wake you up.”

“Don’t feel bad, I don’t mind,” Shepard reassured, “I like talking with you, and you don’t need to go through this alone.”

James took this as his chance to roll on his back and pretend to wake up, knowing that Shepard would have known he was awake the entire time.

“You seducing my man, Esteban?”

“Bad dream,” Steve stayed tucked into Shepard, his face against Shepard’s chest.

Shepard gave a wave, and James turned to face Steve, tucking up behind him and wrapping his arm around both men, “you okay?”

“Trying to be.”

James kissed the side of Steve’s neck, “we got you, Esteban.”

Steve nodded, closing his eyes tightly as a tear escaped, wiped from his cheek by Shepard.

“Do you want us to wake up Kaidan?” Shepard asked.

“Let him sleep,” Steve kept his eyes closed, “he had an exciting day.”

“Major Alenko-Cortez,” James noticed Steve smile, “quite the mouthful.”

“Shepard would know all about that,” Steve joked.

“Laugh it up, Lieutenant, you’re next,” Shepard kissed Steve’s forehead.

“Yes, please,” Steve looked up at Shepard, a real smile on his face.

“Go back to sleep then, Esteban, because he will wear you the fuck out.”

“Okay,” Steve curled further into Shepard’s chest, closing his eyes, James running a reassuring a hand over Steve’s side as he slowly settled back into sleep.

“Nicely done, John.”

Shepard gave James a sleepy smile and a small shrug.

“Night, Loco,” James closed his eyes, letting sleep settle over him.

“Goodnight, baby.”

***

It was light in the room the next time James woke, feeling a poke in his back coming from Kaidan.

“James, look,” Kaidan whispered in his ear, and slowly, James opened his eyes.

Shepard and Steve were still curled together. Steve on his side, Shepard’s arm wrapped over him, holding him tight against his taller frame.

“Steve had a nightmare last night,” James whispered, “John got him through it.”

“You could have woken me up.”

“John had it handled,” James reassured, “Steve was okay.”

“They’re adorable,” Kaidan wrapped an arm over James, pulling their bodies flush.

“Mmhmm,” James took Kaidan’s hand and twisted their fingers together.

“Should we wake them up, breakfast with Anderson, right?”

“Dad moved it to lunch,” Shepard opened an eye, “N7 meeting.”

“Didn’t mean to wake you, John,” Kaidan apologized.

“Not your fault, I’m not designed to sleep when people are awake in the same room as me,” Shepard looked down at Steve, “looks like he settled.”

“Thanks for taking care of him,” Kaidan kissed James’ temple, “I appreciate it.”

“If you guys want to get up, I’ll stay here with him until he wakes up. If I move, I’ll wake him up.”

“Does that translate to “boyfriends, will you please make me breakfast?” James smiled at Shepard, who looked sheepish.

“Of course not.”

“Are you hungry?” Kaidan asked.

“Always,” Shepard smiled, “always hungry.”

“I’ll go get something started,” Kaidan carefully got off the bed, not shaking it enough to wake Steve, who let out a small snore.

“I’ll help,” James followed him, “we have Joker to cook for too.”

Kaidan and James quietly got dressed and slid from the bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind them.

Shepard looked down at the sleeping man, the traces of the tears still visible on his cheeks. Shepard brought his hand up to run his thumb over Steve’s slightly flushed cheeks, too warm due to his proximity to a sleeping biotic for so long. Steve’s eyelashes fluttered as he started to stir, his eyes slowly opening to show his bright blue eyes.

“Good morning,” Shepard spoke softly, and Steve smiled.

“Any morning I wake up around a beautiful naked man is a good morning.”

Shepard tipped Steve’s chin up, kissing him gently, pulling a contented hum from Steve.

“I could get used to this,” Steve rolled on his back and noticed the empty bed, “where are the boys?”

“Making us breakfast,” Shepard stretched, Steve’s eyes following the lines of his body as he did.

“James is right, you are beautiful.”

Shepard rolled his eyes, sitting up on the edge of the bed and standing, walking over to the closet.

“Why don’t you believe us?”

Shepard pulled on his boxers and sweatpants, forgoing a shirt, “because I’m a robot at best, a husk at worst, and either way, I’m wearing the face of a man that is meant to save the galaxy, and I don’t even know if I’m _him._ Being dead was easy Steve, it’s just like sleeping. Being brought back to life, that shit’s hard.”

Steve looked over Shepard with a critical eye, “I didn’t know you before, but from everything I’ve heard about Commander Shepard, and trust me with James as a best friend, I have heard _everything_ about Commander Shepard, you’re just like him.”

Shepard shrugged, “I might be just like him, but that doesn’t mean that I _am_ him.”

“Have you ever talked to someone about how you feel about all of this?”

“No, I’ve been too busy.”

“You should,” Steve stood and grabbed his clothes.

Shepard paused, looking at Steve, “I’ll make you a deal. If I go and see a shrink about the issues I have from dying, you need to go to talk about Robert.”

Steve met Shepard’s gaze, considering before nodding, “deal.”

“Alright then,” Shepard waved toward the bedroom door, “should we go make sure our boys aren’t fucking over our breakfast?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

***

“There they are,” Kaidan smiled at Steve and Shepard as they walked into the kitchen, “already done the quicky?”

“Funny, we just said we were going to check to see if you were fucking over our breakfast,” Shepard dropped into a seat at the island.

“Okay, I love all of you, but what the fuck is going on?” Joker walked into the kitchen from the guest bedroom, EDI following behind him.

“K, any ideas?”

“Uh, James?”

“Don’t look at me, Major, I don’t understand it. Esteban?”

“Leave me out of it,” Steve took a sip of his coffee, “leave it to the commanding officers.”

“I believe the four of them are in a polyamorous relationship,” EDI commented.

“Let’s go with that, it’s easier,” Shepard shrugged.

Joker looked between the four men, “really? I thought Kaidan and Steve were getting married?”

“We are,” Steve confirmed.

“And Shep was going to marry James?”

“Yep,” Shepard nodded.

“But, you’re all together?”

“Basically,” Kaidan checked the waffle maker, carefully pulling the waffle out with a fork.

“Whatever works for you, I guess,” Joker moved to sit beside Shepard, “strange to go from no boyfriends to lots of boyfriends, Shep.”

“You’re telling me.”

“Commander, I have a proposal for you. I wanted to bring it up to you yesterday, but Jeff said it would have been inappropriate at the party.”

“Well, EDI, let’s hear it,” Shepard turned to face EDI.

EDI held up a small silver disk, no larger around than an eraser of a pencil and flat like a coin with a long silver post attached to it, “during our shore leave, I developed this transmitter.”

“Alright, what does it do?”

“Allows me to control your cybernetics.”

Shepard choked on a mouthful of coffee at the same time, James almost dropped a plate.

“Subtle, EDI, shit,” Joker rolled his eyes, “might want to explain that a bit further.”

“I have to say, EDI, you’re not selling it to me right now,” Shepard reached a hand for the transmitter and let EDI drop it into his palm, “why do you want to control my cybernetics?”

“It wouldn’t be all of them, only the critical systems such as your respiratory and cardiac system.”

“Still doesn’t explain why you want to control my heart and lungs, EDI.”

“It came from a fear of Jeff’s.”

“EDI,” Joker cautioned.

“Can someone _please_ explain what’s going on before I crush this thing?” Shepard held it up between two fingers.

Joker groaned, taking an offered coffee from James, “one night, EDI asked me what I was scared of. I told her, not much, except maybe Shep dying again because of me. EDI, being EDI, then goes on to tell me that the statistical chances of you surviving is something stupid low.”

“4.987 percent,” EDI clarified, to the horror of the men in the room.

“Yeah, that, and I ended up in a panic attack.”

“Can’t say it makes me feel all that much better, Joker,” Shepard agreed.

“So I say to EDI, it’s too bad we can’t just keep him in a bubble or something, so I knew you were safe or whatever. EDI goes all quiet like she does when she’s computing something, and she says she had an idea which brings up your chances.”

“To 53 percent, depending on the duration of the war.”

James, Kaidan, and Steve shared a look as Shepard stayed focused on Joker, “this increases my chances almost 50 percent?”

“Yes,” EDI nodded, “it would allow me to integrate with your critical cybernetics, so should you be injured, I would be able to restart your heart or maintain your breathing.”

“_Dios Mio_,” James looked at the small device in Shepard’s hand, “you built a tiny life support?”

“It is more complex but similar.”

“Could you control anything else?” Shepard spun the device in his fingers.

“It has not been programmed to interface with any other cybernetics.”

“But?” Kaidan asked.

“I would be able to change it’s programming if I wished to,” EDI conceded.

Shepard put the transmitter on the counter, looking at it impassively.

“Shep?” Joker nudged him, “thoughts?”

“I’m trying to figure it out,” Shepard glanced up at James and Kaidan, “opinions of the room?”

“Do it,” James answered immediately, “if it’s going to increase your chances like that, and it means you’re coming back to me, then do it. We can take it out when the war is done, and you have the other cybernetics adjusted.”

“I hate to say it, John, because I know you don’t like it, but I agree with James,” Kaidan nudged the transmitter with his finger.

“We’re going to need you after this is done, Shepard,” Steve looked to Kaidan, “we have a life to build. We don’t only need you to get rid of the Reapers. James is counting on a whole life with you.”

Shepard stood from his seat, taking two quick steps back and starting to pace the kitchen.

“Shep, you don’t need to decide now,” Joker watched Shepard pace, “you don’t have to do it at all.”

Shepard paused his pacing, and almost in a whisper said, “I promised,” before turning back to EDI, “how does it go in?”

“Any of your ports would be sufficient, then I would need to integrate with the systems.”

Shepard took a deep breath, walking back over to the counter, passing the transmitter to EDI and presenting his left arm.

“Shep, are you sure?”

“Not even slightly, Joker,” Shepard shook his head, “but I made a promise last night that I intend on keeping.”

James flushed, “John, you don’t have to do this for me.”

Shepard met James’ eyes, “I would do _anything_ for you. If I don’t do this, James, I’m likely not coming back.”

“I know…”

“I promised you a life with me.”

“Yeah, but…”

“I keep my promises,” Shepard turned back to EDI, “this comes out the fucking second that the Reapers are gone. If you don’t take it out, I’ll cut it out. If I feel you messing with anything other than what you need too to keep me alive, I’ll take it out. I’m trusting you here, EDI. Being controlled by Cerberus is one of my biggest fears.”

“Understood, Commander,” EDI, in a very human gesture, hesitated over Shepard’s arm, “are you certain?”

“Do it.”

EDI lined the transmitter up with the port, pressing down in a firm motion, splitting the skin, blood pooling around the silver.

“Just a moment,” EDI carefully pressed on the skin around the transmitter until it slipped under the skin, leaving a small cut which Shepard’s cybernetics worked quickly to heal.

“Is that it?” Joker asked.

“No, I still need to integrate with the system,” EDI paused, “it is now active.”

“John,” Kaidan passed Shepard a paper towel.

Shepard took it, wiping the blood from his arm wordlessly.

“Alright, Shep?”

Shepard nodded, standing to throw the paper towel in the garbage. As he passed, James grabbed him, pulling him into a hug. Shepard stood frozen for a minute before sighing and pulling James tight against him.

“Thank you,” James whispered to Shepard.

“I love you,” Shepard said, loud enough for the room to hear.

“I love you more,” James responded, looking up to find a grumpy, but not angry-looking Shepard gazing down at him.

“I just let someone else take control of my heart to bring me back to you,” Shepard pulled James into a kiss, “I think I win that battle.”

“I’ll give it to you, this time,” James looked over to EDI, “thanks, EDI.”

“You’re welcome,” EDI gave a small bow.

“Oh, shit, the waffle,” Kaidan’s attention was pulled from the group by the smell of burning, “fuck.”

“Well done, Major,” Shepard watched as Kaidan pulled a blackened waffle from the waffle maker.

“Shut up, John, I was distracted by the fact I’m stuck with you now.”

“Guess so.”

***

Shepard had been mostly quiet all morning, much to the concern of the other men, who are passed worried looks between them when they thought that Shepard wasn’t watching.

Shepard’s Omni-tool chimed, drawing his attention from the model he was working on in the kitchen. He read, then re-read the message with a slight frown.

“What’s wrong, John?” Kaidan called over to him.

“Nothing, Dad just changed the plans again, he wants to meet us at Armax Arsenal Arena.”

“Why?”

“To quote him, “let's see if a week off with your men have made you fat and lazy. Bring Vega, I want to see what he’s made of.” Shepard read, “he’s a strange one.”

“I’m all for it,” James shrugged, “I haven’t worked out all week other than frequent sex.”

“Alright, well, let’s get changed into combats, and we can walk over,” Shepard made for the stairs, James following behind him.

“Ten credits says one of them ends up getting off,” Kaidan commented to Steve.

“I’ll take that bet.”

“Me too,” James called from the top of the stairs, “wish me luck.”

Shepard didn’t comment, walking into the bedroom and walking toward the closet. James frowned and followed after him.

“Are you mad at me?”

Shepard glanced up, “no, why?”

“You’ve been upset since,” James waved at Shepard’s arm, “you can take it out if you want.”

“If I do, I’ll likely die.”

James winced, “you don’t know that.”

“I know I trust EDIs math.”

“What can I do to make you feel better?” James changed his tactic.

Shepard considered, “I’m not sure if there is anything that _will_ make me feel better, babe, I always feel like shit after getting another cybernetic. Worse when they’re made by Cerberus. Give me a few days, and I’ll forget about it and it won't bother me as much.”

James frowned, “I don’t want you to feel bad for me. I was selfish when I made you promise to me at the party that we would-“

“James,” Shepard cut him off, “there is nothing I want more than to live out the rest of my life with you. I wouldn’t have promised anything if I didn’t want to.”

“But I gave you an almost impossible promise to keep.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, James, I typically do the impossible for fun.”

James smiled at Shepard, “I guess if anyone can do it, it’s you.”

“That’s right, and now I have a 50/50 chance, which isn’t even close to impossible. It should just be easy now.”

“John,” James started as Shepard turned from him to pull his pants on.

“Yeah, babe?”

“I love you.”

“I love you more,” Shepard pulled out the N7 recruit shirt he had gotten James earlier in the week, “you should wear this today.”

“Why?”

“Dad will like it,” Shepard tugged on his own N7 shirt, this one reading SHEPARD across the shoulders.

“Alright,” James tugged it on and held out his arms, giving a small spin, “what do you think.”

“I think it has the wrong last name on the back of it,” Shepard tugged James to him, “and if you’re quick that we have time for me to suck your dick.”

“I love the way you think, Loco.”


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“You owe me some credits, Steve,” Kaidan elbowed Steve as a flushed James and Shepard walked down the stairs.

“I’ll save you some money in the future, Steve. Any time James and I are alone anywhere, one of us will end up getting off. If we have enough time, we manage both of us.”

“Come on, Major, you’ve had one of his blow jobs, would you say no?”

“Of course not,” Kaidan laughed, following Shepard and James to pull on shoes by the door, “it was amazing.”

“There you go then. Esteban, we need to get you in on this club, Shepard’s blow jobs are to die for,” James tugged on his boots.

“Ready and willing, whenever you want me,” Steve smiled at Shepard, who winked at him.

“Are we all ready to go?”

“Why do I feel like there is more to this than you’re telling me, Loco?”

“Because you’re a smart man, babe. Don’t worry, I’ll explain when we get there.”

Shepard led the way down the strip, stopping for pictures with those who asked him and nodding at the various venders that he met along the journey. When they arrived at the Arena, Anderson was standing just outside next to a smaller human male, one that Shepard greeted warmly.

James’ concerned increased considerably.

“Administrator Cheung, it’s nice to see you again,” Shepard shook his hand.

“Commander Shepard, you haven’t aged a day,” Cheung smiled at Shepard, “you’ll be pleased to know your records still stand.”

“Anderson mentioned, though I don’t expect that to be the case for long. Let me introduce you to Lieutenant James Vega. James, Administrator Cheung will be the one giving you the exams in the N7 training program.”

“Nice to meet you,” James shook his hand, feeling vaguely sick.

“Very nice to meet you, Lieutenant, from what I’ve been told, you may have broken Shepard’s record last night. You were able to pick him out of the biotic line-up?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Very impressive.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Up for a little test today, Vega?” Anderson waved at the arena, “Spike and Dena are inside. Do you and Shepard want to see how you work out as an N7 squad?”

James looked to Shepard, who smiled reassuringly, “uh, sure?”

“It’ll be fun,” Anderson took James by the shoulder and directed him toward the arena, “they’re working on a new fight simulator, one that they say will match the N7 training protocol. Spike and Dena agreed to test it out, but a lot of our combat tests are in groups of four. We very rarely have four N7s in the same space, so this worked out perfectly.”

“I’m not N7,” James cut in.

“Not yet, but you will be,” Anderson stopped in front of the changing room, “you two get ready, I’ll take the Major and Lieutenant Cortez up to the stands.”

“See you soon,” Shepard nodded, looking much more confident than James felt.

As the men walked from view, Shepard pushed open the changing room, Spike and Dena already inside preparing.

“Shep, you thinking what I’m thinking?” Dena asked from the corner.

“With Cheung here? Yeah, I think you’re right on point,” Shepard started pulling out gear and strapping it on.

“Can someone tell me what’s up?”

“I think,” Shepard responded, “that Anderson has brought Cheung out here to grade you. Given the current state of things, the N7 programs are on hold, but we always need more N7s.”

“So what, advanced testing?”

“That’s right,” Shepard strapped a shotgun to his back.

“Holy shit,” James fought a wave of panic, “what do I do?”

Shepard looked over at him, “get your gear on.”

“Loco,” James felt the room spin around him and dropped heavily onto a bench.

“He’s freaking out, Shep.”

Shepard kneeled in front of James, taking his hands, “Listen, babe, they don’t pick people for N7 who don’t have the skills to be an N7. All they were going to do is refine them. You can do this, you just need to do what you do best.”

“Which is?”

“Watch my ass,” Shepard winked at him, “you can do it, just focus on the task. We’re going to have multiple enemies, and they’re going to be coming in waves. This is no different than when we take out husks, and we need to rescue civilians.”

“It’s not going to be that easy.”

“It’s just that easy,” Spike dropped a reassuring hand on James’ back, “but not if you don’t have gear.”

“We’re going to break it down into steps for you, James, we want you on our team,” Dena grabbed a shotgun and brought it over to James, “step one, gear.”

“Right,” James nodded, standing and walking over to the locker, going through the familiar process of putting on his equipment.

When he was done, Shepard pressed a button, which opened the door to a smaller room, “well, this is new.”

“Sit rep,” Dena shrugged, “we don’t go into missions without knowing what we’re in for.”

“Nice addition,” Shepard walked over to the terminal in the middle of the room, “we all ready?”

“Let’s do it,” Spike called out.

Shepard pressed the button, and an automated voice filled the room explaining the details of the terrain, known enemies, and time frame.

“Main objective: survival of two or more teammates,” the voice cut out, and a light appeared above the door at the far end of the room.

“Who’s taking the lead?” Shepard asked.

“You,” Dena replied, “James, you take Shepard’s six, Spike and I will take a side.”

“No, I need James at my right,” Shepard disagreed, “he can do surgery with a shotgun, but I also don’t want to be in front of it. Dena, you take my six, then we can keep a barrier over Spike and James.”

Dena nodded.

“Any questions?

“Do I lose points for puking from stress?”

“No, James, I think most of us puke at some point during N7 training.”

“Perfect, let’s go.”

Shepard walked to the door with the light above it and turned back to James, “babe, I think it’s more than likely your uncle is out there with dad. Stay focused.”

“Right,” James nodded.

“Everyone ready?”

“Let’s fucking go, Shep, I’m not getting any younger,” Dena loaded the assault rifle.

“And we can all tell, Dena,” Shepard punched the button on the wall, holding up his pistol, “standard protocol, let’s clear the room, we’re moving to the right. Dena, I’ll cover James.”

“I got Spike.”

James felt a shimmer and saw that Shepard had covered him with a biotic barrier.

“Three, two, one,” Shepard took a step forward, and within a second James heard three shots, “basic mechs, easy to hack, three down.”

James saw some movement out of the corner of his eye and levelled the shotgun, the blast cutting through the group of mechs approaching them with a loud bang which echoed through the room, “didn’t count them, but they’re down.”

The group made their way around the room, methodically taking out the groups of mechs with minimal issues, their biotic barriers protecting them from the incoming gunfire. When a loud chime sounded above them signalling the end of round one, James reloaded his shotgun and turned to Shepard.

“Too easy.”

“Way too easy,” Shepard agreed.

“Three rounds, Shep?”

“Likely,” Shepard looked over at a group of mechs, “you stay in formation, I’m going to get some heatsinks.”

“Got it.”

Shepard holstered the pistol, carefully walking toward the mechs and bending down to gather the ammunition. James held his breath until Shepard moved back toward them and resumed his position.

“What’s taking so long?” Dena looked around, antsy.

“Good question,” Shepard dropped to a knee and tapped the ground with his index finger, twice.

“What is he doing?” Kaidan watched Shepard.

“He’s trying to find the enemies,” Anderson responded, “he’s sending a mild biotic signal over the ring, and he can feel where the mechs are. It’s kind of like echolocation.”

“Wow,” Kaidan watched as Shepard tapped again, slightly harder, and pointed to the door at the far end.

“How many?” Spike reloaded his weapon.

“30, by my guess,” Shepard looked for cover, finding none, “this arena fucking sucks. We’re sitting ducks.”

“Do you think they’re going to come out at once?”

“Yeah,” Shepard looked at James, “you take point. Try and take as many as you can with that shotgun blast you do. Spike, Dena and I will take out the outliers.”

“Right,” James and Shepard switched positions, and the door at the end of the room opened, James immediately firing massive shotgun blasts into the group of mechs coming toward them.

“Holy shit,” Steve watched as the mechs fell, “he really takes them down.”

“James is probably the best I’ve ever seen with a shotgun,” Kaidan commented, “I saw him get like 20 husks away from Shepard without even touching Shepard.”

“No wonder he’s always tinkering with it.”

“Fall back,” Shepard’s voice called as the group of mechs started to surround them.

“Shit, I’m hit,” Spike’s armour lit up a bright red, and a voice over the speaker announced, “one teammate eliminated.”

“Fuck sakes Spike,” Dena took out three mechs, “go sit down.”

Spike walked from the field, the mechs keeping their attention on Dena, Shepard, and James.

“I’m running out of ammo,” Dena called out, and James tossed a heat sink to her.

“Five left,” Shepard called out, “let’s go.”

It took another minute before the chime sounded above, announcing that round two had been completed.

“How many more?” Kaidan asked.

“Just one, but it’s a doozy.” Anderson turned to Emilio, who had been sitting silently in the stands, “your boy does well.”

Emilio nodded, “I hope he makes it.”

“He will,” Steve reassured, “as long as Shepard is still standing.”

“Fuck,” James fought the urge to sit to catch his breath, “how many more?”

Shepard shrugged, “They haven’t prepped them yet; let’s gather supplies and be ready.”

James and Dena stayed tight against Shepard as he walked around the arena, gathering all of the heatsinks he could find, splitting them between the group. James noticed when Shepard turned to look at the door with a concerned look on his face.

“What can you hear?”

“A lot,” Shepard tapped the ground, “maybe double?”

“Fuck,” Dena scowled, “and no Spike.”

There was a bang, and Dena’s armour lit up bright red, the voice above noting another teammate had been eliminated.

“Fuck, snipers,” Shepard pulled up a bright blue barrier, pulling James behind him, “find the sniper, we need to take it out.”

James glanced around the arena before pointing to a small hole in the wall, “there.”

Shepard pulled the massive sniper rifle from his back, quickly aiming and firing with almost surgical precision through the hole in the wall.

“Shit, Loco,” James whistled, “well done.”

“Thanks,” Shepard kept the scope to his eye, firing again when he saw another small hole open.

“That’s two,” Anderson commented, “there’s one more.”

“Behind you, Loco,” James waved at the wall.

Shepard spun, shooting the third sniper just as they fired, their bullet bouncing off of Shepard’s biotic barrier.

“Now it’s just a ton of mechs,” Anderson waved at the door as it opened, the mechs filing out and covering the field.

“Fuck,” James pressed his back to Shepard’s, “how do you want to do this?”

“Quickly,” Shepard pulled the semi-automatic rifle from his back, “I’m hungry.”

“Let’s go, Loco,” James started firing into the crowd.

Kaidan, Steve, and Emilio watched with nervous energy as the two walked around the field, slowly taking out the mechs.

“Split up to finish the last of them?”

Shepard nodded, and the two divided, taking the mechs out until there were only a dozen left on the field.

“Advanced assault mode activated,” the voice called.

“Shit,” James brought up his shotgun and hit a mech in the face with the butt-end of it, turning the gun to fire and finding it jammed.

“Oh shit,” Steve grabbed Kaidan’s hand, “his gun.”

“He’ll be okay,” Kaidan reassured, “Shepard’s got him.”

“Loco!” James called.

“Busy, Vega,” Shepard fired two shots, taking out the two mechs who had him by the leg.

“My gun’s jammed,” James called again.

Shepard glanced over at James, who was rapidly being surrounded by the remaining mechs. The biotic barrier around him only just stopping the gunfire from getting through.

“Get down,” Shepard shouted, and with a blaze of blue he was next to him, one hand on James’ back, the other punching the ground as a substantial biotic wave knocked over and fried the mechs surrounding James.

James looked up from where he had crouched, “the door is opening again.”

Shepard took the shotgun from James, looking down the barrel and holding it out, sending a blast of biotics through it to clear it.

“Sweet,” James held his hands out, “let’s go.”

“Take the one on my back,” Shepard pointed, “this one might jam again.”

“That’s yours,” James reached out and took it anyway.

“No, that’s yours, I always carry a spare for you,” Shepard put the broken gun on his back and sent another wave of biotics toward the door, taking out a group of mechs who had started coming through.

James had noticed that Shepard always carried one of each gun, but almost always used a pistol. He had never thought to ask why.

James fired, taking out the remaining standing mechs, and looked up at the speaker, “why isn’t it saying anything?”

“Must still be more,” Shepard tapped the ground, “one, over there.”

James followed Shepard, “just one?”

“Just one,” Shepard threw a pull over the area, and the mech came from where it had been hidden in a pile of burnt-out rubble, “after you, Lieutenant.”

James aimed the shotgun, and with a bang, the mech fell.

“Mission completed, objectives: successful.”

“Good job, baby,” Shepard wrapped an arm over James’ shoulder.

“I wouldn’t have done it without you,” James tapped the gun on Shepard’s back.

“That’s what makes a team,” Shepard waved at Anderson and Emilio who were standing up cheering, James noticed that Administrator Cheung was busy with a datapad.

“Let’s go get changed,” Shepard led the way toward the door, stepping inside.

“Way to go!” Dena cheered as they came into the room.

“Thanks,” James watched Shepard as he staggered, then fell to his knees, “holy shit, Loco, you okay?”

“Fine,” Shepard pulled off his helmet, and James saw he was covered in sweat, “just too many biotics.”

“Here,” Dena pulled an ice pack from a nearby fridge, as well as a small packet of gel, “cool down, fuel up.”

Shepard took both gratefully, tearing open the packet and squirting the bright orange paste into his mouth.

“Let’s get you out of the kit, you’ll cool down faster,” James started removing the armour and guns, passing them to Dena who put them away.

“I’ll be fine,” Shepard placed the ice pack over his port, “that biotic shockwave takes a lot out of me.”

James helped Shepard to stand, helping him sit on the bench as he started removing his own gear, “I’ll take you out to lunch.”

“God, yes, please,” Shepard closed his eyes, “I’m starving.”

James took a seat beside Shepard, bringing a hand up to hold the icepack in place, “you’re always starving.”

“Biotic burnout is serious shit,” Dena passed Shepard another packet which he took and immediately emptied, “he could fry his brain is he doesn’t eat enough to pull off those tricks.”

The door to the room opened, and Anderson walked in with the rest of the group behind him, “well done! That was amazing.”

“Thanks, Admiral,” James kept his attention on Shepard, and Anderson looked at him with concern.

“Alright, John?”

“Too many biotics, not enough breakfast,” Shepard shrugged, “Dena is filling me up with energy packs, I’ll be fine in a few.”

“So, what did you think?” Anderson turned to Cheung.

“I’d be willing to consider your proposal, on the condition that when the program is running again, he attends the mandatory training.”

“James?” Anderson asked.

“I don’t understand,” James looked between them.

“Just say yes, babe.”

“Uh, sure?”

“Very well,” Cheung pressed a few buttons on his datapad and nodded to Anderson, “I have a meeting, but it was lovely seeing you all.”

“You too,” Shepard gave a small wave, and Cheung walked from the room.

“What just happened?”

“You just became N7,” Anderson held out a new pair of dog tags, which, like Shepard’s, had the N7 cut-out.

“What?”

“On the condition that when it’s all running again, you do the basic courses, which you’ll fly through,” Anderson placed the tags over James’ neck.

James felt his hand get knocked away from the back of Shepard’s neck, and Shepard’s eyes clenched as a wave of biotics rolled over his body.

“John?” Kaidan moved to kneel in front of him, “what’s going on?”

“I think I burnt out my implant,” another wave of blue rolled over him, and Shepard clenched his teeth, “I can’t seem to reign them in.”

“Do you have a replacement?” Anderson asked, his face concerned.

“At the house.”

“Let’s get you home, Loco, we need to get you fixed up,” James helped Shepard stand, and Shepard pulled away.

“Let me walk; if the biotics go off again, they’re going to hurt you. These aren’t the fun biotics, they’re the shitty biotics.”

“Can you walk?”

“I’m going to have too, thankfully it’s isn’t far. It’ll only take a minute, then we can go out to celebrate.”

“Alright,” James took a cautious step back, looking at Emilio with concern.

Shepard was uneasy on his feet but managed to walk to the door, his biotics pulsing every few steps.

“Commander?” EDIs voice came from Shepard’s Omni-tool.

“Yes, EDI?”

“The transmitter indicates you’re in cardiac distress.”

James panicked, “what?”

“I burnt out my amp,” Shepard responded, “it’s causing me a bit of stress. I’m alright, I’ve got a bunch of people with me. I should have the old one out in a few minutes. Don’t do anything unless I flatline.”

“Alright, Commander.”

“Right,” Shepard’s biotics pulsed again, and he took a deep breath, “I can keep them back until we get home, but can you guys try and stop people from asking me for pictures?”

“On it, Commander,” Steve nodded, standing to Shepard’s left.

Kaidan moved to Shepard right, waving for James to walk in front, “you’re the second tallest, block the view.”

“Okay,” James moved in front of Shepard, “ready?”

“Let’s go.”

The group moved like a unit on a mission, which is why James mused, most people elected to get out of their way rather than engaging. True to Shepard’s word, he managed to keep the biotics under wraps until they got to the front hall of the apartment, where he swayed and dropped to one knee as his biotics let out a stronger pulse. Shepard groaning and grabbing his head.

“John,” James reached out for him and found himself pushed away by Dena.

“Let me,” Dena activated her biotics, pulling up a shield around herself and helping Shepard back to standing.

Emilio moved to open the front door, it sliding open easily under his full access.

“Where’s the new amp?” Kaidan asked.

“In the safe, long tube,” Shepard waved to the stars and dropped down onto one of the bar stools heavily, “Dena, back up.”

Dena did, and the next wave over Shepard was hard enough to knock over the other stools.

“John, what do we do?” James knew he sounded panicked.

“Wait for Kaidan to get the new port, then someone will need to change it.”

“Commander, your heart rate is reaching a dangerous high.”

“Yes, EDI, I’m sure it is. Having a burnt out cybernetic fucking hurts,” Shepard grabbed at his chest as the next wave rolled over him, “K, this is getting time-sensitive.”

“I’ve got it, but I don’t know how to change it,” Kaidan held up the tube as he ran down the stairs.

“I can,” Anderson took it from Kaidan, “John, tell me when you’re okay for a minute.”

Shepard nodded, the pulses coming in rapid-fire until he took another deep breath, holding it and waving for Anderson.

“Right, I haven’t done this in a while, so hang tight,” Anderson reached for the back of Shepard’s neck and James saw him push back two clips, a black metal chip sliding from the slot slightly. Anderson reached out and gently pulled it, and James watched with fascination as a chip almost two inches long was removed.

Shepard sighed, dropping his head down on the bar, his biotics covering him in a soft glow, “give me a second, my head is pounding.”

“Can you keep them under control without a chip?” Steve spoke from where he stood next to Kaidan.

“I didn’t have one until the Alliance, I’m just fine without one,” Shepard reached a hand out for James who walked over immediately, “sorry to reign on your parade, baby.”

James shrugged, “not worried about it, John, I’m worried about you.”

“Can I see the old one?” Shepard turned to Anderson, who dropped it in his hand, “oh yeah, I burnt it good.”

“How can you tell?”

Shepard pointed to small silver sections of the chip, which were burned black, “it shouldn’t look like this.”

“That biotic wave did that?”

“That,” Dena nodded, “and the shield he had you in was stronger than his, and he put up that big shield when the snipers started, and he was doing biotic scanning, not to mention the pull at the end.”

“You should have taken it easy,” James took the chip from Shepard and dropped it on the bar, pulling him into a hug. The biotics felt like static shocks all over his skin, but at the moment, he didn’t care.

“Come on, Vega, it’s obvious, isn’t it?” Dena rolled her eyes.

“What is?”

“Shepard knew that his dad had something planned, and he was going to make sure you succeeded. Fuck, dude, he got spaced for his pilot. What do you think he’d do for the man he loves?”

“Anything,” Shepard answered, “everything.”

“Come on, John,” Anderson opened the tube and slid out the new chip, “I know you like being an unshackled biotic, but we need to keep you up to regulations.”

“Yes, Admiral,” Shepard turned the chair, keeping James in his arms.

“Just a pinch,” James watched as Anderson returned the new amp much the same way he had removed the first, pressing it flush with a click.

Shepard’s biotics went out, and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Ok, Loco?”

“Better,” Shepard confirmed, sitting up, “sorry for the scare, folks, I haven’t had that happen since the first time they fitted me with one of these things.”

“I remember once,” Anderson chuckled, “before Shepard was in basic, I was telling him that we had this mission where we needed to clear a warehouse, and I couldn’t figure out how we would get through the windows without shooting. We had hostages, and we didn’t know where they were. He just looked at me and said, “blow them out,” like it was the most common sense thing in the world. When I told him we didn’t have anyone who could do that, he said he would.”

“It was easy,” Shepard shrugged.

“I didn’t believe him, so when we flew over the building and Shepard jumped out of the shuttle and punched the roof, which broke _all_ of the windows in the warehouse, I was pretty impressed.”

“John’s impressive,” James ran his hands through Shepard’s sweat-soaked hair, “and in need of a shower.”

“Does anyone mind if I grab one before we got to lunch?”

“No, we have some time before our reservation anyway, I’m not leaving until four,” Anderson walked to the kitchen, “you two go get pretty.”

Shepard stood, testing his balance before making his way for the stairs, James following behind him.

“Hey, John,” Emilio called him.

“Yeah, Emilio?”

“Be careful with him,” Emilio pointed to James, “he’s N7.”

“Damn right, he is.”


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

Shepard leaned against the counter as James turned on the water, closing his eyes.

“Tired?”

“Exhausted,” Shepard opened his eyes as he felt James tugging on his shirt, letting James peel it off of him.

“Guess we need to update your dog tags,” James took the chain from Shepard’s neck, removing the old one and replacing it with his new N7 tag.

“You sure you don’t want to keep both of those? They were well earned.”

“Yeah, well, so were you,” James pulled off his own shirt and kicked off his pants.

“You flatter me,” Shepard reached for his belt, smiling as James pushed his hands away and helped Shepard finish undressing.

“Come on, Loco,” James took Shepard by the hand and walked back into the shower, making sure the larger man didn’t trip as he directed Shepard under the warm water, letting it rinse the sweat from his skin.

Shepard closed his eyes, tilting his head back against the water, only slightly jumping as he felt James’ hands on his chest, full of soap and moving in slow circles.

“Feels nice,” Shepard commented, looking at James with a small smile.

“Well, I owe you,” James washed over Shepard’s body.

“For?”

“Helping me with N7,” James turned Shepard in place, washing his back, “making sure I got through.”

“You don’t owe me for that, it’s what teams do.”

“Well, how about I owe you for the blowjob this morning.”

“Alright, that I’ll accept,” Shepard turned to face James, “if I wasn’t so tired, I’d offer you another one now.”

“I’m good,” James pulled Shepard close, wrapping him in a hug, “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“You don’t need to worry about me, James, I’m tough.”

“I know,” James kissed Shepard’s neck, “but I love you, and it’s hard to see you hurt.”

“I love you,” Shepard’s stomach let out a loud growl, and he laughed, “sorry.”

“It’s okay, let’s finish up and get you fed.”

“I’m going to eat _so many_ pancakes.”

“For lunch?”

“I’ll have a burger after,” Shepard explained, “and ice cream.”

“Garbage disposal.”

“What can I say, a waffle and jizz is just not enough protein in the morning.”

***

“John,” Anderson called to Shepard as he walked down the stairs, freshly changed and showered, “feeling alright?”

“A headache, and fucking starving, but I’m good,” Shepard smiled at the group, “don’t sweat it, I’ve burnt through one of those before. They’re experimental, they work, but they aren’t meant for as much biotic energy as I can run through them.”

Anderson frowned, but nodded, “we still good to go out for lunch?”

“Damn straight,” Shepard wrapped an arm over James’ shoulders, pulling him close, “we’re going to celebrate my man.”

“Do we take a taxi?”

Shepard counted the people in the room, “James, you can take Anderson, Emilio, Kaidan and Steve in the sky car, I can take the bike. Where did Dena and Spike go?”

“They have a meeting with Cheung, they said they’ll catch up with you later,” Anderson waved toward the door, “let’s go. We need to get some food into you.”

“I’m going to get one of everything,” Shepard held the door open for everyone, and they made their way to the garage, “maybe two.”

“That was some impressive fireworks,” Emilio walked beside Shepard, “I thought that Jimmy was going to be out for sure.”

“Nah,” Shepard shook his head, “he called me because he knew I was there. If I hadn’t been, he would have realized that a gun that doesn’t fire that can still be used as a weapon. He would have bashed the mechs in and disarmed one of them and continued from there.”

James nodded, “I’m so used to working with Shepard I think I called him on reflex. Most of the Normandy crew does when they start to get overwhelmed.”

“For sure,” Kaidan agreed, “because he always comes.”

“Always will,” Shepard walked over to his bike and uncovered it with a flourish, “if you can’t rely on your Commander, who can you rely on?”

“Wise words, son.”

“I should hope so,” Shepard pulled on his helmet, “I learned them from you.”

“See you there, Loco?”

“You know it,” Shepard kicked the bike on and sped from view.

“That boy is going to be the death of me,” Anderson watched the bike pull into the heavy traffic.

“Tell me about it,” James sighed, and turned the car on, following after him.

***

“David Anderson!” Luna’s voice screeched from the kitchen.

“Oh no,” Anderson moved to stand behind Shepard.

“Don’t be a coward,” Shepard sidestepped, narrowly avoiding the sharp crack of a dishcloth aimed by Luna at Anderson.

Anderson ducked, “nice to see you too, Luna.”

“Have you learnt how to count yet?”

“It was an accident,” Anderson weaved behind James, “did I mention James joined our ranks today?”

That stopped Luna’s attack, “did you?”

James flushed, then nodded.

“Congratulations!” Luna pulled James into a hug, using the leverage to smack Anderson over the head with the dishcloth, “I’m so proud!”

“Thanks,” James let Luna pull his dog tags from his shirt to look at them.

“I’m surprised they don’t have the last name Shepard.”

“Not yet,” James waved at Emilio, “let me introduce you to my uncle Emilio.”

“Lovely to meet you,” Luna shook Emilio’s hand, “let get you a table. John, are you alright? You look a bit pale.”

“I burnt out my implant this morning during James’ testing,” Shepard followed Luna into the backroom, dropping down heavily into a chair.

“Double portions for you then,” Luna nodded, “and how are your lovely men?” Luna landed another hit on Anderson as he sat down.

“Doing well,” Kaidan accepted the menu from Luna.

“And your strange little relationship?” Luna squeezed Steve’s shoulder affectionately.

“Going well,” Steve smiled at Luna.

“Do I want to ask?” Emilio took a menu and looked between Shepard, James, Kaidan, and Steve.

“Probably not,” James shrugged, “but you can ask if you want.”

Emilio paused, “David, am I right in my assumption?”

“Yep.”

“You’re good with it?”

“Yep,” Anderson flipped through the menu, “Shepard’s got a good head on his shoulders.”

“Alright,” Emilio looked down at the menu, “what are we eating?”

***

“Where do you put it all?” Emilio looked at the plates in front of Shepard.

“No idea,” Shepard answered, “I spent _so_ much time hungry before I met dad that I almost have a panic response to it now. I start to get hungry, and I start to get anxious.”

“Understandable, no kid should have to go through that.”

“What was your mom like,” James asked, “when she was around?”

Shepard considered for a minute, “when she wasn’t high, she was nice enough. Her dad had been in the gang too, her mom died when she was young. She didn’t really know what to do with me, I wasn’t planned and wasn’t wanted. She tried getting clean when I was like 10, but it didn’t stick.”

“What about your dad?”

Shepard glanced at Steve, “you’re sitting next to him.”

“I meant your biological dad.”

“I know what you meant,” Shepard shrugged, “I don’t know who my sperm donor is. The only dad that matters is right there.” Shepard pointed to Anderson.

“Good man,” Emilio agreed.

Anderson waved off the compliment, “if you had seen Shepard when I did, you would have taken him in too.”

“No one else did,” Shepard leaned back in his chair and looked over to Anderson, “I went to every shelter, every church, every program, no one would take me in.”

“You never told me that,” Anderson frowned, “I was under the impression you liked the gang life.”

“I didn’t like it. I was good at it.”

“When you roughed that guy up in the parking garage, I could see how you would be good on the streets,” Steve took a drink of coffee, “intimidating for sure.”

“Is that who you filed the complaint against?” Anderson pulled up his Omni-tool.

“That’s right.”

“The one you just had stationed on Tuchunka?”

Shepard grinned, “that’s right.”

“You did that because he bothered you in a parking garage?”

“No,” Shepard corrected, “I did that because he tried to assault Steve, and when I told him to stop, he didn’t.”

“He was going to do more than assault me,” Steve shuddered, and Kaidan wrapped an arm over his shoulders, “Shepard beat the shit out of him.”

“Steve, hun,” Shepard chuckled, “if I had beaten the shit out of him, he would be dead.”

“Given your temper, I’m surprised he’s not,” Anderson commented.

“James and Steve asked me not to,” Shepard shrugged.

“I just got you, I wouldn’t want you to go to jail,” James reached out for Shepard’s hand, who took it immediately.

“Babe, I’m a Spectre.”

“And?”

“It means that Shepard, and Kaidan, are allowed certain liberties,” Anderson explained, “including taking someone out if it’s for the good of the galaxy.”

“So what, they’re untouchable?”

“No one is untouchable, babe,” Shepard ran his thumb over the back of James’ hand, “I die just the same as everyone else.”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Luna’s head popped around the door, “I have a strange blue-haired man here for you, John.”

“Perfect, you can let him back here,” Shepard stood, and a few seconds later, Anthony appeared.

“John!” Anthony came into the room like a whirlwind, his long jacket billowing as he walked.

“Anthony,” Shepard greeted warmly, pulling him into a hug, “have you met everyone?”

“Well, I know your man,” Anthony handed a large box to Shepard before walking over to James, kissing his cheek loudly.

“Right,” Shepard pointed, “that’s Emilio, James’ uncle.”

“Good looks run in the family I see,” Anthony shook Emilio’s hand.

“This is Admiral Anderson, my dad,” Shepard pointed to Anderson, who nodded.

“That is Major Kaidan Alenko and Lieutenant Steve Cortez.”

“Well, aren’t they beautiful,” Anthony stood beside Shepard, looking Kaidan and Steve over, “single?”

“Afraid not, they’re engaged.”

Anthony pouted, “always a bridesmaid, never a bride.”

Shepard chuckled, pressing a chaste kiss to Anthony’s temple, “you’re just too much man for most people.”

“Don’t you know it,” Anthony waved at the box, and James noticed that he had painted his nails to match his hair, “are you giving it to him now?”

“Would you like me too?”

“John, don’t play coy, you know how it teases me.”

Shepard rolled his eyes, gesturing to the box, “that’s for you, babe.”

“Me?” James slid the box towards him, “should I open it now?”

“If you don’t, I’ll be heartbroken,” Anthony leaned into Shepard, who wrapped an arm over his shoulder.

“Alright,” James carefully lifted the lid, and let out a small gasp.

Inside was a black leather jacket, the softest leather James had ever felt other than Shepard’s N7 jacket. James carefully reached into the box and pulled it out, knowing immediately that it would fit perfectly.

“Try it on,” Shepard prompted.

James slid his arms in the sleeves, noticing as he pulled it on the iconic white and red striping down the side of his left arm.

“Loco,” James zipped the jacket up, “it’s beautiful.”

“It’s tradition,” Anderson added, reaching out to touch the arm of the jacket, “your mentor always gets you something when you graduate N7. I got Shepard his jacket.”

“Imagine my surprise when you put my name down on your forms as your mentor,” Shepard gave James a warm smile, “and I’ve seen you admire mine.”

“This is amazing,” James held out his arms, “Emilio?”

“I couldn’t be prouder,” Emilio beamed.

“It fits perfectly,” James turned to Anthony, “thank you.”

“Hug?” Anthony held out his arms and James quickly pulled him in.

“You’re the best.”

“Oh, I know it,” Anthony pulled back, “congratulations. You’re marvelous, even if you stole the love of my life from me.”

“If it makes you feel better, Shepard doesn’t greet any civilians as nicely as he does you,” James flexed his arms in the jacket, admiring the fit.

“You’re just saying that.”

“Nope, scouts honour.”

“Maybe there’s hope for me yet,” Anthony winked at Shepard, “I should leave you to your celebration. I’ll send you my account, John.”

“Of course,” Shepard offered an arm, “I’ll walk you out.”

James carefully unzipped the jacket, draping it over the back of his chair.

“John has good taste,” Steve admired the leather.

“He grew up wearing clothes he could steal,” Anderson poured himself another coffee, “now that he’s able to afford the nicer things, he likes to spoil the people he cares about.”

“It sounds like he was in a bad way when you found him,” Emilio commented.

“According to the doctor that got him through detox, he would have likely been dead within a month or two if he hadn’t agreed to come with me. His biotics were running wild, he wasn’t eating enough to keep up with them. Don’t get me started on the drug use.”

“That’s a weird thought,” Steve looked to Kaidan, “can you imagine that we were only a few months away from a world that didn’t have Commander Shepard in it?”

“Which means that Saren would still be around.”

“And no one would have stopped the Collectors,” Steve added.

“Worse,” Anderson interjected, “Shepard was the only one who warned us about the Reapers. If he hadn’t been warning us, we would have woken up one morning to a complete galactic invasion that we didn’t know what coming.”

“It’s not really fair though, is it?” Emilio asked, “he finally gets to have a life, he finds love, and we’re asking him to go up to the front line to see the end of the war. Doesn’t he deserve to have a life outside of the Alliance?”

“I hope one day to have one,” Shepard walked in and took his seat, “but I accept the fact that for right now, I don’t get to have it.”

“Is it hard to not get angry about it?”

Shepard nodded, “sometimes, but I have the best crew to get me through it.”

“It’s amazing, where you came from and what you’re doing.”

“I have dad to thank for that. We didn’t get a lot of time together, but when we did, he always left me a better man than I started.”

“On that note,” Anderson checked the time, “my shuttle is leaving in an hour, and my transport is outside.”

Shepard managed to hide the frown before Anderson noticed it, “I’ll walk you out.”

“Alright,” Anderson stood, “it was nice seeing all of you again and meeting you, Emilio.”

“With our boys together, we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.”

“I certainly hope so,” Anderson made his way for the door, “James, join us.”

Anderson waved at Luna as he walked through the restaurant, “see you soon, Luna.”

“Headed back to earth?” Luna called from the flat top.

“That’s right.”

“Make sure you learn to count before the final push. Good luck, David.”

“I swear, I could take down the Reapers, and she would still bring up that damn gun,” Anderson pushed open the door and waved at the Alliance car waiting, “that’s my ride.”

“Stay in touch.”

It was only the many years of training that kept Shepard’s face composed, and James could tell he was struggling.

“I’ll do the best I can,” Anderson pulled Shepard into a hug, “stay alive, son, I don’t know if I can survive losing you twice.”

“I have to,” Shepard pulled back slightly, “I have a wedding to plan.”

“Ah yes, my new son-in-law,” Anderson turned to James, “I’m proud of you, James. You lived up to all of my expectations of you, and most of all, you make John happy. Take care of my boy while I’m away.”

“I promise I’ll do my best,” James went to shake Anderson’s hand, surprised when he was pulled into a hug.

The Alliance car honked and Anderson pulled back, looking over his shoulder, “I have to go,” Anderson turned back to Shepard, “as soon as this is all done, we’re going to take a long month or two off. We’ll plan some weddings and get a chance to relax.”

Shepard gave Anderson a weak smile, “I hope so.”

“Goodbye, son,” Anderson gave Shepard another hug, “just because I’ve never said it, and after I lost you the first time I had always wish I had, but you need to know you were the best thing that ever happened to me.”

James felt his eyes well as he saw Shepard fighting tears.

“And you are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“I love you,” Anderson pulled back and turned toward the car, James noticed Anderson was also fighting tears.

“I love you, too,” Shepard answered.

“I love you most,” with a wave, Anderson stepped into the car and was flown from view.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

The ride back to the apartment was quiet, James following Shepard as he weaved through traffic, Kaidan and Steve in the back.

“Is he okay?”

James looked at Kaidan in the rear-view mirror, “would you be?”

“No,” Kaidan sighed, “I guess not.”

“He’s exhausted, has a headache, and just had to say goodbye to his dad for what might be the last time,” James shook his head, “he’s holding it together, but he’s not okay.”

“What can we do?” Steve asked, “there must be some way of cheering him up.”

“We’ll ask him when we get in, see what he wants to do. There’s a game on today, maybe he’ll want to just stay at home and relax,” James pulled into the parking garage and parked next to Shepard.

Shepard picked up the tarp and covered the bike, locking the helmets away in the locker.

“Why are you putting her away?”

Shepard looked at Steve with a sad smile, “we’re out of here in a couple days. I’m not going to get to ride her again until after.”

“Too bad we couldn’t take her on the Normandy,” Steve frowned, “it would be fun to ride in the cargo bay.”

“Do you know how to ride a motorcycle?”

“No idea,” Steve laughed, “but I’d like to learn.”

“I’ll teach you,” Shepard did up the final ties, patting the bike on the seat, “might have to get you one a little bit shorter.”

“What did you want to do today, Loco?” James took Shepard’s hand and started to lead him toward the elevator.

“Are any of you going to be offended if I say have a nap?” Shepard leaned heavily against the wall and closed his eyes as the elevator took them to their floor.

“Of course not. There’s a game on later if you wanted to watch it.”

“Actually, I could use a nap too,” Steve commented, giving James a look, “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

James nodded, catching Steve’s meaning, “why don’t you two go have a rest, Kaidan and I can make some snacks for the game later?”

“Don’t think for one second I don’t know that you’re just trying to cheer me up, baby,” Shepard opened his eyes as the elevator chimed and followed James out.

“Is that a bad thing? You get to cuddle Esteban, the Major and I will make you food, and when you wake up, I’m sure the day will be much better.”

“I love you,” Shepard stopped James before he walked into the apartment, pulling him into a kiss, “thank you for taking care of me.”

“You’re welcome, now go snuggle Esteban and get some rest,” James opened the door and waved Shepard inside, “you’ll need your energy for later.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow at that, “promise?”

“Promise.” James put his hand on Steve’s shoulder, “no fucking my man without me around, okay?”

“Of course not,” Steve pulled off his shoes, “but that leaves a lot of other options open. Did you want to give me a list of what I can and can’t do?”

“I just did.”

“So what if I take John upstairs and give him an award-winning blowjob?”

“Go for it,” James shrugged, “spoil him rotten.”

“James…”

“John…” James looked at him with a smile, “I mean it, I’m good.”

Shepard studied James’ face, “you’re opening this up further than discussed.”

“It’s Esteban,” James said confidently, “I can trust him.”

“Kaidan?”

“Doesn’t matter to me, I’ll be busy cooking, apparently.”

“Come to bed, John,” Steve held out a hand, which Shepard took hesitantly.

“See you in a bit, Loco,” James pressed a kiss to Shepard’s temple, “go relax.”

“Just a couple hours, then come and get me,” Shepard insisted, “I can’t spend all day in bed.”

“You’ll sleep until you’re ready to wake up,” James turned Shepard by the shoulders and smacked him on the butt, “go.”

“Come on, John,” Steve pulled, and Shepard followed him up the stairs and into the bedroom, letting Steve shut the door behind them, “you look so uncomfortable.”

“I _am_ uncomfortable.”

“If you don’t want to do anything without James here, that’s fine,” Steve tugged off his shirt, “but we’re napping, so get undressed and get into bed.”

Shepard did, stripping down to his boxers and sliding into the bed with a groan.

“That was really hard this morning, wasn’t it?”

“Extremely,” Shepard closed his eyes, wrapping an arm over Steve as he got into the bed next to him.

“Do you really think that James could have done it without you?”

“Yep,” Shepard tensed as Steve started to trace the lines of his tattoos.

“Relax, John,” Steve turned his head, kissing Shepard’s chest, “I’m not doing anything more than this.”

“Alright.”

“Go to sleep, John,” Steve continued his gentle exploration.

Shepard did.

***

Shepard woke up to find Steve still gently tracing the lines of his body.

“Did you sleep?”

“No,” Steve smiled up at Shepard, “but I did get to know your tattoo very well.”

“I thought you were tired?”

Steve shrugged, “I am, not enough to nap, though. I knew James didn’t want you to be alone, and I also knew he wanted to watch the game, so I offered to keep you company.”

“I’m surprised I slept, normally all the sensors I have in my body keep me awake when people move,” Shepard brought a hand up to rub the sleep from his eyes, “how long have I been out for?”

“A few hours.”

“You did nothing but chill out next to me for a few hours? Wasn’t it boring?”

“You drastically underestimate how beautiful you are to look at,” Steve chuckled, “I can think of worse ways to spend a few hours than running my hands over a mostly naked man.”

“Fair enough,” Shepard paused, “our men are making out downstairs.”

“You can hear that?”

“I can hear the blood in your heart,” Shepard rolled on his side to face Steve, “so yeah, I can hear that.”

“Does it bother you?”

“The enhanced hearing, or Kaidan and James making out in the kitchen?”

“The second one.”

“Only if they burn the food.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Shepard guided Steve onto his back, bringing their lips together gently, his tongue flicking against Steve’s lower lip. Steve groaned, tugging Shepard until he moved between Steve’s legs, hovering over him.

Steve pulled back with a gasp, “I’m supposed to be spoiling _you_.”

“Alright,” Shepard wrapped an arm under Steve’s back, flipping their positions with little effort, “spoil away.”

“Hang on,” Steve pulled out his Omni-tool, sending a message and waiting for the reply.

“Something I should know?”

“When I was talking about the birds and the bees with James, he mentioned some concern over the whole blow job thing. He’s had them, but he doesn’t know how to give them. After he gave you one, he felt even more self-conscious about them. I was wondering if he wanted a hands-on lesson.”

“You’re offering to teach James how to suck dick?”

“If he will stop making out with my fiancé long enough for me to get him upstairs, then yeah.”

“He’s coming now,” Shepard turned toward the door, smiling as James knocked, “open the door, babe, it’s your house.”

“I didn’t want to intrude,” James stepped into the room, closing the door behind him, “Kaidan’s watching the food.”

“Perfect,” Steve tugged on the band of Shepard’s boxers, “lift.”

Shepard did, lifting his hips to let Steve pull the offending garment down his legs.

“Come here, Mr. Vega, you’re not learning much over by the door.”

James walked over to the bed, kneeling beside Shepard and Steve.

“You have a gorgeous specimen of man,” Steve gestured toward Shepard, “who wants you to suck his dick more than anything in the world,” Steve swatted Shepard as he chuckled, “what do you do first?”

“Panic?”

Shepard frowned, “you seemed just fine when you did it for me before.”

“I was _so_ nervous,” James shrugged, “which is why I haven’t done it again.”

“Let’s fix that today,” Steve moved to kneel on the other side of Shepard, “most people who are new to it just jump right in, grab onto their dick and start sucking. That’s fine when you’re in a rush, but not great when you want someone to have a nice erotic experience.”

“I’m starting to feel like a science experiment,” Shepard arched an eyebrow at Steve.

“Shut up, John, I’m teaching,” Steve poked Shepard in the side, “do you want a blow job or not?”

Shepard made a show of zipping his lips together and passing the imaginary key to James, who promptly threw it over his shoulder.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” Steve shot Shepard a look, “when you think of overall sexual experience, what does it include?”

“Time, I guess,” James looked at Steve, “when you don’t need to rush.”

“That’s right, so how would you start?”

“Kissing?”

“I think that’s as good as place as any,” Steve gestured toward Shepard, “go ahead.”

“Hey, I’m just the student,” James shook his head, “I’m watching.”

“Alright,” Steve moved up the bed, turning Shepard’s attention from James and kissing him slowly, making a show of bringing their tongues together. After a minute of slowly kissing Shepard, Steve pulled back.

“Why’d you stop?”

“Because now we move on,” Steve moved down his attention to Shepard’s neck, droppings kisses as he went, “this can be more fun if who you’re with is into biting. Are you John?”

“Certainly not against it.”

“Make sure you’re not biting too hard, you don’t need to bruise him,” Steve bit down gently and was rewarded with a brief flash of biotics and a sharp intake of breath from Shepard, “and keep going like this. Your man has miles of muscles and skin for you to explore, take your time.”

James watched as Steve moved his attention to Shepard’s chest, alternating kissing and biting before pulling one of Shepard’s nipples into his mouth and sucking, hard.

Shepard let out a low pleased hum, bringing his hand to the back of Steve’s head to hold him in place as he repeated the attention on the other side of his chest.

“Listen for noises like that, or when they suck in a breath, it means you’ve hit something that feels good,” Steve moved down the bed, his tongue tracing the pattern of the Normandy as he followed it down to Shepard’s hips. James saw Shepard’s stomach tense in anticipation.

“We know that John is sensitive here, but we also know that John is mighty hard right now. The trick is to continue to ignore where he wants the attention most. The longer we can spend teasing him, the better the actual blow job will feel.”

Shepard let out a low moan as Steve grazed the sensitive part of his stomach with the slightest hint of teeth. James glanced up to Shepard’s face, his head tilted back, mouth open, slightest hint of biotics lighting up the N7 tattoo across his neck.

“We can spend as much time as we want doing this. Remember, James, this man wants your mouth on his dick more than he wants air at this point, so if we spend some time teasing the inside of his thighs, he is going to lay back and let us do it,” Steve moved to sit between Shepard’s legs and kissed up the inside of his thighs, Shepard rolling his hips up at the attention.

“You’re driving him crazy,” James smiled as Shepard scowled when Steve reached up and moved his cock out of the way, rather than giving it the attention that he wanted.

“That’s the point,” Steve sucked a bruise into the skin of Shepard’s hip, winking at James as Shepard swore under his breath, “we want him begging.”

“I’ve been trained to endure all kinds of torture, Steve,” Shepard took a deep breath, “you’d need to do this for days to get me to beg.”

“You’re in luck, I don’t intend on making you beg today,” Steve reached for Shepard’s cock, “now you’ve got him super hard and needy it’s easy because no matter what you do, it’s going to feel good.”

“This is where I start to feel nervous,“ James watched as Steve pumped Shepard’s cock slowly.

“It’s really simple, just remember no teeth, lots of spit, and take your time,” Steve licked his lips before leaning forward and taking half of Shepard’s cock into his mouth.

“_Ah, fuck_,” Shepard clenched his fits at his side, and James took one in his hand, linking their fingers together.

Steve moved slowly for a few minutes before pulling off with a loud pop.

“Damnit, Steve,” Shepard scowled.

“Teaching, John.”

“You’re meant to be sucking my dick, _Lieutenant_.”

James saw the dark flush cover Steve’s cheeks, “I’m working on it, _Commander_, but James wanted some insight.”

“James managed to make me cum in minutes when he did this last, he doesn’t need insight, I’m crazy with lust whenever he touches me, but if you don’t start actually sucking soon, I’m going to kick you out and let James fuck me.”

“When they start to get testy,” Steve ignored Shepard, “you can move onto the more active side of blow jobs, where you’re actually trying to get them off.”

“Thank god,” Shepard dropped his head against the pillow.

“I like to use my hand and mouth at the same time, I could deep throat him, but I’m going to end up tired.”

“You could deep throat me?”

“Yeah, why, never had that before?”

“Only once.”

“Well, remember that for next time, this is a beginner lesson.”

Shepard nodded, “I look forward to it.”

“Anyway,” Steve spoke to James, “hand and mouth at the same time, it will get him close to the edge easily. Watch.”

Steve took the head of Shepard’s cock back into his mouth, holding the base with his hand, moving his head and hand together over Shepard’s dick.

“That’s good,” Shepard’s mouth dropped open, “really good.”

James watched as Shepard started to roll his hips in time with Steve, his grip on James’ hand tightening; eventually each roll of Shepard’s hips was accompanied by a soft moan or a barely audible “_ah_,” as Steve moved.

Steve pulled back again, and Shepard swore, “_Steve_, what the fuck.”

“Sorry, Commander, one last bit of wisdom for James.”

“Fine,” Shepard frowned.

“Polite guys will tell you before they cum, but if you’re ever unsure, watch their thighs. Almost always, you’ll find that guys tense right before they cum, which gives you plenty of time to pull off if you want too.”

“Do you?”

“What, pull off?” Steve shrugged, “depends on if it’s casual sex or relationship status. I also need to know if they’re clean or not.”

“Let’s see you finish this then, Esteban.”

Steve didn’t reply, instead picking up where he had left off, much to the satisfaction of Shepard who moaned. True to Steve’s observation, Shepard’s thighs tensed seconds before Shepard let out a gasp of “_close.”_

Steve hummed in satisfaction, speeding up slightly as Shepard’s biotics rolled over his body in a wave as he spilled into Steve’s mouth with a loud groan. Steve kept moving, drawing out Shepard’s orgasm until Shepard reached down to stop him.

“That looked amazing.”

“That was amazing,” Shepard tried to catch his breath, “really amazing.”

“Glad you approve,” Steve moved to sit next to James, “feeling more confident?”

“I have more to try, that’s for sure,” James gestured at Steve’s cock, where it sat heavy against his thigh, “want some help with that?”

“I’m good to wait until later.”

“You sure?” Shepard looked at James, “we’re willing to help out.”

“I’m sure,” Steve assured.

“What are we doing tonight?” James looked at Shepard, “It sounds like there are plans?”

“None that I know of, Steve?”

“I tell you what,” Steve wrapped his arm over James’ shoulder, “you pick.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. The rest of us have experience in this kind of situation, why don’t you pick what we do?”

“Alright,” James considered for a moment before a wicked grin crossed his face, “I can come up with some ideas.”

Shepard sat up, stretching his back, “sounds like we might be in trouble, Lieutenant.”

“I can think of worse things, Commander,” Steve winked.

“One day,” Shepard stood, walking into the closet, “we’re going to explore that kink of yours.”

“Is that a threat, Commander?”

“No,” Shepard walked back into the room, now dressed in a pair of low hanging sweats, “it’s a promise.”


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Oh, come on!” James threw his hands in the air, “who’s making these calls?”

Shepard chuckled, “easy, baby.”

“That ref is a _pendejo,_” James crossed his arms over his chest, pouting.

Shepard smiled, pulling James, so he sat across Shepard’s lap, “don’t pout.”

“I’m not pouting.”

“You are,” Shepard ran his thumb over James’ bottom lip, “come here.”

James resisted for a minute before leaning down to kiss Shepard, a brief press of lips.

“I was betting on this game,” James leaned his weight into Shepard, tucking his head into Shepard’s neck.

“How much?”

“Too much,” James sighed, “like if we weren’t headed back to the Normandy in a few days, I would be living off of noodles and sleeping in the Kodiak, too much.”

“Baby,” Shepard chastised, “why?”

“I was trying to pay you back.”

“James,” Shepard wrapped his arms tighter around James, “you don’t owe me anything.”

“Still…”

“No,” Shepard said firmly, “you don’t owe me anything. There is nothing to pay back. Baby, if we’re going to get married, what does it matter who’s account the money is in?”

“I guess.”

“I know,” Shepard pressed a kiss to James’ forehead, “don’t be silly. You’re on my account, just pay off whatever you bet from there.”

“Loco, no.”

“James, yes. Just don’t do it again.”

“You guys are so fucking cute,” Steve smiled from where he was wrapped around Kaidan.

“Shepard’s rich,” James grumbled from his place against Shepard’s chest, “if you didn’t know.”

“How rich?” Kaidan asked.

“Like stupid rich.”

“I do a lot of deals with Liara,” Shepard explained, “and I do pretty well at them.”

“You can be the sugar daddy of the group,” Kaidan beamed, “buy us presents.”

“Don’t start, Major, or he’ll take you out shopping right now.”

“That explains why you insist on paying for everything,” Steve noted, “I don’t think I’ve ever paid for a meal while we’re out.”

“He bought me an M-11.”

Kaidan’s eyes lit up, “from the Spectres office?”

“Yeah.”

“Those are going for 250,000 credits!”

“I _know_,” James’ frown deepened.

“Baby,” Shepard tilted James’ chin up to meet his gaze, “I need you safe.”

“Yeah, you said.”

“I mean it,” Shepard kissed James gently, “if I don’t have you in my life, what’s left?”

“Uh…” Steve waved at himself and Kaidan.

“I love you guys, don’t get me wrong,” Shepard smiled, “but I’m in love with James.”

A message chimed into James’ Omni-tool.

_They lost, pay up – CG_

James frowned, pulling up his banking information.

“James, I swear that if you don’t pay for that from our joint account, I won’t have anything in the way of sex with you for a week.”

“I’ve got two other boyfriends,” James shrugged.

“James,” Shepard’s voice offered no room for argument, “no.”

“Alright,” James switched accounts, making a show of slowly typing in the number to give Shepard plenty of time to stop him. Giving Shepard one more look, ensuring he was certain, James sent the money.

“There, easy.”

“I just took 10,000 credits from your account, and you don’t even look concerned.”

“I’m not concerned, I’ve got four deals on the go with Liara right now,” Shepard shrugged, “and it’s _our_ account.”

“You guys already bicker like a married couple,” Steve smirked, “it’s adorable.”

“Laugh it up, Esteban, I’m marrying the hero of the galaxy.”

“I just sucked his dick,” Steve shrugged, “we’re all winning.”

“I’m not a trophy,” Shepard protested.

“Yes, you are,” came from James, Kaidan, and Steve, pulling a startled look from Shepard.

“Okay, I stand corrected; apparently, I’m a trophy.”

A timer went off in the kitchen and Kaidan, and James stood, “dinners ready.”

“Oh hell yeah,” Shepard followed James into the kitchen.

“I swear you get more excited about food than sex,” Kaidan joked, pulling a roast from the oven.

“Well, first of all, I’ve gone without food,” Shepard moved to get the plates, “second of all; lately, I’ve been having lots of sex. Third, before I met James and we gave it a shot, I wasn’t sure if I was _ever_ going to have sex again, so it really only left food to be excited about. As it is, James is an amazing cook and an amazing lay, I’m lucky as fuck to have him.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Loco,” James started serving the various side dishes.

“I certainly hope so, as Steve said, it’s your choice tonight,” Shepard took a plate with a grin and moved to take a seat around the table.

“Oh, is that the plan?” Kaidan chuckled, “given the _filthy_ things he was whispering to me when you were napping, I might have some idea of where he would take that.”

“Nope,” James beamed like a kid at Christmas, “I have it all planned out.”

“Not what we were talking about?”

“Nope,” James looked positively delighted, “but you’ll enjoy it anyway.”

“I can’t tell if I should be concerned or excited,” Shepard shot Steve a look, “do you have any ideas?”

“None,” Steve shrugged, “but James wouldn’t steer us wrong.”

James just grinned, taking his seat next to Shepard and starting to eat.

“Well, before we start with anything, maybe we should discuss if anything is off-limits with anyone?” Kaidan suggested, “just so we don’t throw off James’ plans.”

“I’m open to anything,” Shepard looked at James, “but if anyone is fucking James and I hear so much as a whimper in pain, I’ll put a hard stop to it all.”

“Of course,” Kaidan agreed, “I’m open to anything.”

“Me too,” Steve shrugged, “I’ll leave it in James capable hands.”

“Then, you all better eat, and we can get started.”

***

“Right,” James stood up from the table with a grin, “Kaidan, Steve, go get freshened up and meet us upstairs in half an hour.”

“And what are you two going to be doing?” Kaidan put his plate on the counter, waiting for Steve.

“Talking, for a bit, then setting up,” James tugged on Shepard’s arm, pulling him away from the dishes, “we’re going to do the dishes in the morning, Loco, come on.”

“Alright,” Shepard followed James easily, “see you in a bit, boys.”

James jogged up the stairs, pulling Shepard into the bedroom and shutting the door behind him, almost vibrating with excitement.

“Okay, babe, spill.”

“_Please_ don’t say we have to wait for a day like you usually do,” James started, “I know you’re just trying to make me comfortable, but unless this is something that bothers you, be confident that it’s something I really want, okay?”

Shepard gave James a look, “…okay.”

“I want to watch you with Kaidan.”

“Watch me do what with Kaidan?”

“I want to watch you fuck Kaidan,” James clarified.

“And what are you going to be doing while I’m fucking Kaidan?” Shepard seemed uneasy, but James could tell he was open to the idea.

“I don’t know, maybe testing out Steve’s blowjob skills as a thank you?”

Shepard hummed, turning and walking further into the bedroom to adjust the thermostat, “and the thought of me inside of someone else doesn’t make you jealous?”

“Someone else? Yes. Kaidan? No,” James watched Shepard walk over to the bed, pulling the comforter down to the foot of the bed.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes,” James walked over and grabbed Shepard by the arm, stopping him from wandering the room, “John, I promise I’ll say something if it bothers me.”

Shepard looked down at James, “promise?”

“I promise,” James nodded, “Shepard level promise.”

“Alright.”

“You’ll do it?”

“It’s not like you’re asking me to do something I’ve never wanted to do, or something I haven’t thought of. I just want to make sure that you’re comfortable.”

“_So_ comfortable,” James promised, “now, we need supplies.”

“Such as?”

“I don’t know,” James looked around the room, “candles? Lube?”

“Lube is right there,” Shepard pointed at the bedside table, “I can get the candles.”

“Yeah, let's do a few,” James pulled off his shirt, “then I guess we should brush our teeth?”

“You seem nervous,” Shepard commented as he lit one of the candles.

“Imagine you could make your perfect porn,” James passed another candle to Shepard, “with the actors you wanted, in your home, right next to you.”

“You’ve really thought about it, haven’t you?” Shepard arranged the candles, “you’ve never mentioned.”

“I never thought that you would actually do it.”

“What other fantasies do you have locked up in that head of yours?”

“Lots, which are too embarrassing to discuss,” James signalled Shepard to follow him into the bathroom.

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed,” Shepard wrapped his arms around James, meeting his gaze in the mirror, “I’d do anything for you, you know that.”

“Even let me fuck you while Kaidan fucks me?”

“Yep,” Shepard grabbed his toothbrush, “but it would be more fun in all four of us could figure out a way of doing that, Steve topping Kaidan, Kaidan topping you, you topping me.”

“Yes, please,” James flushed, “let's find a way of doing that.”

“Next time,” Shepard started brushing his teeth with a wink at James.

“God, this is going to be so hot,” James beamed at Shepard in the mirror, “I get to watch you with someone who is like a pro at bottoming.”

Shepard chuckled around his toothbrush, rolling his eyes.

“Knock knock,” Steve slid the door to the bedroom open slightly, “can we come in?”

Shepard rinsed his mouth out, “come on in.”

“Sorry, Kaidan couldn’t wait anymore, he had the world's fastest shower and then started pacing,” Steve pulled Kaidan into the bedroom and shut the door.

“I wasn’t pacing.”

“Yes, you were,” Steve elbowed Kaidan.

“I don’t like not knowing what's going on,” Kaidan defended, “I don’t like being surprised.”

Shepard walked out of the bathroom, stopping in his tracks when he saw Kaidan’s hair, “you left it down?”

“I thought you liked it,” Kaidan blushed, giving Shepard a small shrug.

“I do like it,” Shepard opened the door to the bedroom, “Glyph? Can you turn on the do not disturb protocol, please?”

“Yes, Commander, have a nice night.”

Shepard turned back to Kaidan, where he stood next to Steve, tense, “you’re beautiful,” Shepard reached out for Kaidan, who walked up to him slowly.

“Think so?”

“Always have,” Shepard ran a hand through Kaidan’s still damp curls, urging Kaidan to tip his chin up to bring their lips together.

“Oh shit, that’s hot,” Steve turned as James walked out of the bathroom, “would you look at this?”

James stood behind Steve, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist and resting his chin on Steve’s shoulder, watching as the two men grew more frantic in their kissing, Kaidan tugging Shepard closer.

“Would you like to watch them do more?” James whispered to Steve, low enough that Kaidan couldn’t hear him.

“Hell, yes,” Steve answered, “was that the plan?”

“If you and the Major are good for it.”

“God, yes please,” Steve cleared his throat, pulling Kaidan’s attention from Shepard, “Major, were you interested in listening to James’ plan, or are you happy to make out with the Commander all night?”

“Sorry,” Kaidan took a step back from Shepard, taking a deep breath and trying to smooth his hair back into its usual place.

“Those fucking curls,” Shepard moved to sit on the bed, “I’m weak for them.”

“Well, _Major_,” James gave Steve a little squeeze, “how would you feel about bottoming for Shepard?”

“You’d be okay with that?” Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

“I’m asking, aren’t I?”

Kaidan glanced between James and Shepard, “John?”

“Yeah, K?”

“You’re okay with that?”

“Kaidan,” Shepard gave him a reassuring smile, “I don’t know what I did to convince you so thoroughly that I don’t want you, but nothing is further from the truth.”

Kaidan blushed, “can I think about it for a minute?”

“Take as long as you want,” Shepard reassured, “no pressure.”

Kaidan moved to the bed, sitting beside Shepard, who made no move to touch him, “you know this will _really_ change things, right?”

“Why would it?”

“We’ve skirted around this for years,” Kaidan shrugged, “for it to actually happen…”

“With full permissions from our husbands,” Shepard reassured, “we’re two consenting adults, K. If we want to have sex, we can. We’re already in a kind of relationship, what more is going to change?”

Kaidan considered, “I don’t know, it just feels big for some reason.”

“Oh, it’s big,” James joked from where he was still holding Steve.

Kaidan smiled, “not what I meant.”

“Hey, Major, I get it. It’s like doing anything that you’ve never done before; but, just because it’s scary doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it,” James paused for a minute, “unless you don’t want too, then you don’t sweat it and we’ll all cuddle.”

Kaidan looked at Shepard, “you know, I’ve never bottomed for someone as big as you before.”

“If I can handle it as someone who has never bottomed _ever_, I think you’ll be fine, Major.”

“I know how to be gentle,” Shepard promised, “trust me when I say that with these cybernetics, I’m always careful.”

Kaidan sat quietly, looking at Shepard, considering, smiling as he reached to brush the curls back from Kaidan’s eyes.

“Come here,” Shepard held his arms open and let Kaidan crawl onto his lap, “if you’re not sure, we wait, or we don’t do it at all.”

Kaidan reached out, tracing Shepard’s cheekbone with his thumb, cupping Shepard’s face, “no, I don’t want to wait.”

“You’re sure?”

“He’s so careful, isn’t he?” Steve asked James in a whisper, “so careful.”

“He has to be,” James agreed, “the entire galaxy depends on it.”

“I’m sure, as long as everyone else is.”

“I asked for it,” James smiled, “I’m going to suck off your man, test out his lessons.”

“I’d love to watch you two together,” Steve looked more excited than anyone else, “and apparently, I’ll have some entertainment while I do.”

Shepard looked around the room, “we need a couch in here. For what I have planned with K, we might not have enough room for all four of us.”

“We could bring one in from the other room?” James suggested, “gives Steve and I somewhere to play while you and Kaidan have the bed.”

“Let’s do it,” Shepard stood, bringing Kaidan with him, causing the shorter man to wrap his arms around Shepard’s neck in panic, “easy, K, I won’t drop you.”

“You could have warned me.”

“What’s the fun in that?” Shepard gently placed Kaidan on his feet, “I’ll be right back, why don’t you take off your shirt and stay awhile?”

“I’ll help,” James let Steve go, “you need to strip, too, Esteban.”

“Yes, sir,” Steve saluted.

James rolled his eyes and followed Shepard from the room.

“Holy shit,” Kaidan looked at Steve, “Is this going to happen?”

“Do you want it too?”

“You know, I do.”

“Then, yeah, it’s going to happen,” Steve tugged off his shirt and tossed it in the corner of the room, “so let’s get you undressed.”

Kaidan swallowed heavily, nodding before reaching for the bottom of his shirt, pulling it over his head.

“Watch out,” James called as he walked back into the room, holding one side of the couch, “where do you want to sit, Esteban?”

“Far side of the room?”

“Sounds good,” James walked to where Steve had pointed, Shepard carrying the other side of the couch, dropping it down, “here?”

“As good of a spot as any.”

“Hang tight,” Shepard walked into the closet, grabbing a blanket and draping it over the couch, “I’m not listening to one joke from Garrus about stains on my furniture.”

“I wonder what he’s going to think of this relationship it?” Kaidan mused.

“He may have some questions, as Turians mate for life, but I’m sure I can explain it to him,” Shepard tucked the blanket into the couch, “there we go.”

“Right,” James clapped his hands together, “let’s get started.”

Shepard laughed, “what do you just want me to bend Kaidan over?”

“Whatever position you want,” James dropped onto the couch, “Esteban and I will have a great view from here.”

“Have fun,” Steve kissed Kaidan before moving to sit next to James.

“Well, this is awkward,” Kaidan moved toward the bed, Shepard approaching him.

“You don’t like an audience?”

“It’s not that,” Kaidan’s eyes met Shepard’s, “I’m just a little self-conscious.”

“Me too,” Shepard reached for Kaidan, “but we can get through it.”

“Alright,” Kaidan looked up at Shepard, a nervous smile across his lips, “lead the way.”


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

The room was silent for a minute, and Kaidan shifted uncomfortably, “John?”

“Yes?”

“Are you going to do something?”

“I’m just thinking of where to start,” Shepard pulled off his sweats, leaving them on the floor, standing naked in front of Kaidan, “I’ve thought about this for years, and now I have you here.”

“I’m all yours.”

“Hmm,” Shepard closed the distance between them, “do you have any preferences I should know about?”

“His back hurts if you keep him in any one position for too long,” Steve supplied, “he needs to be able to stretch.”

“I can work with that,” Shepard started to undo Kaidan’s pants, pulling them and his underwear down in one go.

“I blew my back out during brain camp, it’s never really felt the same since.”

“You don’t need to explain Kaidan, I’m mostly robot, and my back started to ache after James was done with me.” Shepard kneeled on the bed, sitting back on his feet and waving to Kaidan to join him, “it’s easier to touch you when I’m not standing over you.”

Kaidan crawled across the bed, rolling his eyes at the wolf-whistle sent his way from James, stopping in front of Shepard, “alright, here I am.”

Shepard didn’t speak, instead of pulling Kaidan into a kiss, sucking on Kaidan’s lower lip, biting down gently.

“Oh yeah,” Steve whispered to James, “it won’t take K long to get into it, he likes being controlled.”

Kaidan reached a tentative hand out to rest on the top of Shepard’s thigh, moaning as Shepard, much less tentatively, reached around Kaidan to palm his ass.

Shepard broke the kiss with a smile, “you’re so pretty.”

Kaidan flushed, “thank you.”

Shepard took Kaidan by the shoulders, pushing him to lay back against the pillow, kissing Kaidan again as he stretched out over the bed.

“They look good together,” James whispered to Steve.

“They sure do,” Steve agreed, “Kaidan’s into it.”

James could tell, Kaidan’s cock hard against this stomach as Shepard hovered over him while they kissed. Shepard trailed a hand over Kaidan’s chest, moving slowly down his stomach as Kaidan arched under the attention.

“John,” Kaidan gasped as he pulled away, “some of us need to breathe.”

“Wimp,” Shepard slid down the bed, forked tongue teasing the head of Kaidan’s dick before Shepard took half of his length into his mouth.

“Oh god,” Kaidan reached down to run his hand through Shepard’s hair, “fuck, James, I’m not going to make it to Shepard being inside of me if he keeps this up.”

“Just enjoy yourself, Major.”

“John,” Kaidan tugged on Shepard’s hair, “stop and get me ready.”

Shepard pulled off with a pop, using his biotics to pull the lube toward him as he sat up, “yes, _Major_.”

Kaidan gave Shepard a look before rolling onto his stomach, “be gentle.”

“I will be,” Shepard poured some lube into his hand, “let me know if I'm too rough for you.”

Kaidan nodded, closing his eyes against the pillow as Shepard carefully pressed a finger inside of him. It only took Shepard to curve his finger to have Kaidan groaning.

“There?”

“Yes,” Kaidan rolled his hips up into Shepard’s hand, “feels good.”

Shepard chuckled, pressing a kiss to Kaidan’s shoulder, “it’s almost like I’ve done this before.”

“Don’t be a smartass,” Kaidan gasped as Shepard added a second finger, “_Commander_.”

“Shut up, K,” Shepard scissored his fingers, drawing a sharp intake of breath from Kaidan, “I’m working here.”

Kaidan followed the order, quietly moaning and rocking his hips as Shepard slowly worked on preparing him. As Shepard pressed in a third finger, Kaidan let out a keen which froze Shepard in place.

“Okay?”

“Yes,” Kaidan rocked his hips again, “just full.”

“I’m not small, as you so kindly pointed out,” Shepard twisted his fingers again, “but you’re almost ready for me.”

“I’m ready for you now,” Kaidan whined.

“Not yet.”

“Yes, I am,” Kaidan argued.

“Ask James how easy it is to take me,” Shepard bit on Kaidan’s shoulder, a gentle reprimand, “don’t rush me.”

“Let him spend the time, Major,” James wrapped an arm over Steve, “trust me.”

“Ugh,” Kaidan groaned, “I’m _ready_. John, come on.”

Shepard made a show of rolling his eyes at Steve and James, gently withdrawing his fingers and moving to stand at the end of the bed, “come here then, if you’re such a porn star.”

Kaidan followed Shepard, bringing the lube with him, “here.”

“Thank you,” Shepard went to take the bottle, only to have it held out of his reach by Kaidan.

“My turn,” Kaidan poured some lube in his hand and started stroking Shepard.

“Hmm,” Shepard leaned forward, kissing Kaidan again, “turn around and face the headboard, stay on your knees.”

“Bossy,” Kaidan did as instructed, positioning himself as Shepard had asked.

“A bit,” Shepard placed one hand on Kaidan’s hip, “but this is a good position for the boys to watch. Turn your face so they can see you.”

Kaidan blushed, but did as he was told, turning his head slightly so James and Steve could watch his expression as Shepard lined himself up and carefully started to press into Kaidan.

“_Ah_,” Kaidan clenched his eyes shut, and James watched as tension shot through his body.

“Easy, K,” Shepard soothed, running his hand over Kaidan’s back.

“You’re so big,” Kaidan grabbed the sheets with a white-knuckled grip.

Shepard chuckled, “you don’t even have the entire head of my dick inside you, _relax_. Deep breath.”

Kaidan sucked in a shuddering breath, letting his chest fall against the bed as Shepard very slowly pressed a little further inside of him.

“John’s so restrained,” Steve mused, “a lot of guys would already be inside of him.”

“I’m too big to just drive into anyone,” Shepard spoke from the bed, not looking up from where he was slowly rocking into Kaidan, “as Kaidan would probably attest too.”

Kaidan nodded from his position on the bed, working hard on controlling his breathing.

“Still, I know how good Kaidan feels,” Steve added, “and I would be struggling not to just bottom out.”

“Oh, I want too,” Shepard pulled back an inch before pushing forward again, slightly deeper, “I really want too, but I also don’t want to hurt my best friend the first time we fuck. He doesn’t hurt right now, it’s just really intense.”

It took minutes, but Kaidan let out a loud groan of satisfaction as he felt Shepard’s hips hit his backside.

“Well done, K,” a roll of Shepard’s biotics travelled the length of his body and James moaned at the sight, “like what you see, baby?”

“Fuck, yes,” James adjusted himself through his pants, “you guys are so sexy together.”

“Move,” Kaidan prompted.

“No,” Shepard stretched over him, kissing the back of Kaidan’s neck just below his amp port, “take a second to adjust.”

“John,” Kaidan pushed his hips back, rocking forward to repeat the motion before Shepard stopped him, pinning him with one hand between Kaidan’s shoulder-blades.

“No,” Shepard kept his hand on Kaidan’s back, “take a minute, relax, we don’t have to rush.”

“Oh fuck,” Steve moaned at the sight, “does he have you pinned, Kaidan?”

“Yes,” Kaidan whined.

“If you stopped being so fucking impatient, I wouldn’t have to pin you,” Shepard stretched over Kaidan’s back, speaking in his ear, “I can feel how tight you are around me, just wait a damn minute.”

“He won’t admit it, but he likes the burn,” Steve supplied from the couch.

“Is that so?” Shepard did a very slight roll of his hips, “you like being able to feel it the day after, Major? Like feeling how Steve fucked you while I make you work on the Normandy?”

“Move,” Kaidan begged, “please.”

“You didn’t answer me, Major.”

“Yes, I like it,” Kaidan tried to use his grip on the bed to push back against Shepard.

“Alright then,” Shepard tapped Kaidan’s arms and stood up, “bring them behind your back.”

Kaidan complied immediately, letting Shepard take him by his wrists.

“You tell me if I start hurting you.”

“I promise.”

Shepard pulled most of the way out, pausing for a minute before using Kaidan’s arms to pull him back, driving himself to the hilt. Kaidan’s biotics flashing brightly.

James looked over at Steve, who kept his eyes fixed on Kaidan as Shepard repeated the motion, slow pull back, hard thrust forward.

“Blowjob, Esteban?”

“Please,” Steve watched James slide onto his knees in front of him, undoing his pants.

James pulled Steve’s pants off, remembering his instruction from earlier and gently kissing up the inside of his thighs.

“Oh yeah, fast learner,” Steve moaned.

“Faster, John, come on.”

“Alright,” Shepard changed his footing slightly and picked up the pace, thrusting into Kaidan quickly, much to the pleasure of Kaidan and Steve, who bucked up into James’ mouth with a groan.

“Oh fuck,” Kaidan moaned, each thrust from Shepard pulling a choked “_ah_” from his lips and Shepard’s biotics mingled with Kaidan’s.

“God, James, you need to see this,” Steve tapped James’ shoulder, who turned to watch the action on the bed.

“Pretty fucking hot, but we knew they would be.”

“I’m not going to last with you doing that, and watching them,” Steve groaned as James took his cock back into his mouth, “I’ll warn you.”

“Oh fuck,” Kaidan moaned, almost a laugh, “you’re going to make me cum.”

Shepard slowed, “not yet, beautiful, flip over,” Shepard pulled out, patting Kaidan on his side, encouraging him to roll onto his back.

Kaidan did, a with a slight wince.

“Back?”

Kaidan nodded.

“Right,” Shepard took Kaidan’s left leg, encouraging him to rest his ankle over his shoulder, pushing forward gently, stretching out Kaidan’s back.

Kaidan sighed, letting Shepard gently work out the tension, relaxing into the bed until he felt Shepard’s cock brush against him and Shepard’s hand slide under his back.

“This you could hold his position?”

Kaidan shifted, “yeah, probably for a while.”

“You’re in for a treat,” Shepard pushed back into Kaidan, slow and steady until he bounced his hips against Kaidan’s ass.

“Oh,” Kaidan closed his eyes, “it’s a bit easier this way.”

“Mmhmm,” Shepard smiled down at Kaidan, “you look so pretty under me like this.”

Kaidan smiled up at Shepard, “view isn’t so bad from here, either.”

Shepard rolled his eyes, drawing back and thrusting back into Kaidan gently, “turn your head if you want a decent view. Looks like my man has yours hanging on the edge.”

Steve was flushed, staring at Kaidan as James sucked his dick, “I can’t wait to watch you two really get into it.”

Shepard watched James for a minute before matching his pace and speed as he sucked off Steve, leaving Kaidan gasping and reaching up to white knuckle the sheets.

“_Fuck_,” Kaidan ran a hand through his hair, pushing his hair back from his eyes, “_yes._”

“Damnit, James,” Steve pulled on his shoulder, “close.”

James ignored the warning, increasing his effort until Steve came with a shout, only hesitating for a minute before swallowing.

“Oh my god, you beautiful man,” Steve tugged James up to kiss him, “I’m returning the favour.”

James moved to sit beside Steve, letting Steve push him back against the arm of the couch and tug ff his boxers.

“You feel so good,” Shepard’s biotics rolled over his body, and he increased his pace, “so fucking good K, you’re amazing,”

“Shut up,” Kaidan gasped, “or you’ll make me cum.”

“You get to cum when James does,” Shepard dropped Kaidan’s leg and stretched over him to kiss him as he kept the pace, “and you’re going to be good, aren’t you, K? You’re going to wait for James.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Kaidan pulled away from Shepard, turning to look at James, “please tell me you’re close.”

“Not far off,” James met Kaidan’s gaze, “think you can time it with me?”

Kaidan nodded, keeping eye contact with James, “tell me when.”

Shepard groaned, standing back up and pausing only long enough to bring both of Kaidan’s ankles over his shoulders and use his legs for leverage as he increased the speed.

“_James,”_ Kaidan shouted, “please.”

“Where do you want me to cum, K?” Shepard’s biotics were crackling against Kaidan’s.

“Inside me,” Kaidan went to reach for his cock and whined as Shepard pushed his hand away.

“Close,” James watched as Shepard pressed down on Kaidan’s cock with the flat of his palm, giving him just enough friction with each bounce of Shepard’s hips.

Kaidan came with a shout, his back arching as Shepard fucked him through it.

“Come on, baby,” Shepard spoke to James, “together.”

“_Yes_,” James came with a growl, Shepard following seconds after, dropping Kaidan’s legs and holding his weight up over Kaidan with his fists on the bed as his body shook through the intensity of it.

“Fuck, K,” Shepard’s body shook through an aftershock, “_fuck_.”

Kaidan tugged on Shepard’s arms, encouraging him to drop his weight, Shepard shaking his head, “come on, John, you won’t break me.”

Shepard lowered himself onto his elbows, still holding most of his weight, his body shaking again.

“Are you still coming?” Kaidan chuckled, running his hands over Shepard’s back.

“Aftershocks,” Shepard buried his head in Kaidan’s neck, “years of build-up will do that to you.”

“Was it worth waiting for?”

“Absolutely,” Shepard kissed Kaidan’s shoulder and brought himself back to standing, looking to the two men on the couch, “you boys okay?”

“That was so fucking hot,” James beamed at Shepard, “I wish I had recorded it.”

“I’m sure we can arrange a repeat performance.”

“I just wish I thought I could get it up again, it would be hot as hell to fuck Kaidan using your cum as lube,” Steve shrugged.

“You’re a kinky one, Lieutenant,” Shepard winked at Kaidan, “I could just stay here until you’re ready for him? I don’t have much downtime now that I’ve been rebuilt.”

Kaidan laughed, “I couldn’t take it, now gently pull out so I can stretch my back.”

Shepard did, carefully easing himself out of Kaidan, and offering him a hand to sit up, “back okay?”

“Just stiff,” Kaidan twisted, “I’ve had it worse after sex.”

“Hmm,” Shepard pulled Kaidan up to standing, “wrap your arms around my neck, I’ll help you stretch.”

“You want a hug, John?”

“Hey, hugs are awesome,” Shepard ducked slightly, letting Kaidan clasp his hands around his neck as he carefully stood, allowing Kaidan to use his weight to stretch.

“Come on, Esteban, the bed is ready for cuddle time,” James stood, pulling Steve over to the bed and dropping down onto it with a thump, bringing Steve with him.

Kaidan let go of Shepard, “I’m just going to clean up, and I’ll be back.”

“We’ll be waiting,” Shepard sat on the edge of the bed, letting out a long breath.

“Alright, Loco?”

“Tired,” Shepard smiled over his shoulder, “I’ve done more exercise today than I have all week.”

“When are we back on the ship?”

“Joker is going to check the drift, so maybe one more night here, and if the Normandy is in good shape, we’ll head out after that.”

“This week has gone way too fast,” James pouted, “it sucks.”

“I know,” Shepard frowned, “and I think it’s likely our last break before we either lose the Citadel or make a push, which makes it hard to get back here.”

“Let’s not worry about that right now,” James nudged Shepard with his foot, “come cuddle.”

Shepard crawled up the bed, dropping down next to James.

“Enjoy yourself?” James asked, and Shepard could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

“I did,” Shepard looked at James as he settled against Shepard’s chest, “did you?”

“It was hot.”

“But…”

“You going to replace me with the Major? It looked pretty intense.”

“James,” Shepard sighed affectionately, “I’m in love with you, not Kaidan.”

“Maybe we rushed it a bit,” Steve wrapped himself around James’ back, “but it’s not unusual to feel a little self-conscious after seeing your partner with someone else.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Steve kissed James’ shoulder, “I felt a little off after watching Kaidan cum so hard from Shepard giving him a blowjob, but I know he loves me, and what he shared with Kaidan was only a momentary thing. Trust me, James, Shepard is all yours.”

“Absolutely,” Shepard turned to face James, meeting his eyes, “only yours.”

James felt a small smile cross his face, “promise?”

“I promise.”

“What are you making John promise?” Kaidan asked as he walked from the bathroom.

“That he’ll pay for breakfast tomorrow,” Steve answered, “John, the lovely man that he is, agreed.”

James reached for Steve’s hand, where it rested over his hip, giving it a grateful squeeze.

“Hardly have to ask him to promise that, John pays for everything,” Kaidan dropped into the bed next to Steve.

“I tell you what, three boyfriends is proving to be much more expensive than one.”

“When do I get my M11?” Kaidan asked while yawning.

“You don’t,” Shepard kept his eyes on James, “husbands only.”

“What do boyfriends get?”

“Breakfast.”

“I’ll call that a win.”


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone - 
> 
> Just to warn you - shit is cute now - but its gonna get HEAVY soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Baby,” Shepard’s voice was low as to not wake all of the occupants of the bed, “baby, wake up.”

“John?” James rubbed his eyes, “what’s up?”

“I have a doctor’s appointment this morning,” James could see Shepard was fully dressed kneeling on the floor next to the bed, “I didn’t want you to wake up to me gone without knowing where I was. I’ll bring breakfast back. I’m taking the car.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No,” Shepard pressed a kiss to James’ forehead, “stay in bed with the boys, I’ll be a few hours, and it’s still early.”

“You sure?”

“Baby, you’re exhausted,” Shepard pulled the blanket up tight up around James, “sleep, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay,” James yawned, “see you soon.”

“Love you,” Shepard stood.

“Love you more,” James rolled away from the door, wrapping himself around Kaidan, who immediately linked their fingers together.

***

“James?”

James groaned at being woken up for the second time, the need for sleep outweighing the desire for conversation, “yeah, Major?”

“Where’s John?”

“Doctors,” James tucked his chin into the nearest warm neck, “why?”

“Woke up and he was missing.”

“He woke me up before he left, you guys were still asleep,” James wrapped his arm over the body that he was resting against, determining from its size that it was Kaidan, “do you need him for something?”

“I wanted to make sure he hadn’t panicked after last night and left.”

“If anyone was going to panic last night, Major, it was me,” James slowly opened his eyes, finding that Steve was still asleep on the other side of Kaidan, “he was fine.”

“Did you panic?”

“Yeah, a bit,” James pulled back, resting on the pillow next to Kaidan to meet his gaze, “Esteban talked me down, I’m good.”

“You’re sure?” Kaidan looked concerned, “it’s not something that needs to happen again if it upset you.”

“I’m fine, Kaidan, promise,” James trailed his hand over Kaidan’s chest, “just a moment of feeling a little insecure, I’m fine now.”

“You know John loves you.”

“I do,” James nodded, “and I know Esteban loves you. It just looked really intense, and well, _good_, between you two. I felt a little inadequate.”

Kaidan smiled warmly at James, “I’ve seen you together, trust me, you have nothing to worry about. Shepard and I may fuck, but he _makes love_ to you. He treats you like you’re made of glass. It’s something very different.”

“That’s what Esteban said too,” James brought his hand up to move the dark curls from Kaidan’s eyes, “I’m good, I promise.”

“Shepard promise, or _shut up and stop talking about this_ promise?”

“Shepard promise,” James smiled.

“Alright,” Kaidan looked over at Steve as he let out a soft snore, “I should wake him up, and we can clean the kitchen. It drives Shepard nuts to have a mess, and I’m sure he’s going to want breakfast.”

“He said he would bring breakfast on his way back, I’ll see how long he’s going to be.”

_I’m here in bed with the Major and Esteban, and there is a big Loco shaped missing piece – JV_

_Good morning, baby – JS_

“I can’t believe out of all the pet names you two could have picked for each other it’s Loco and Baby.”

_The Major misses you, he’s cuddling me right now and saying how much he wants you here – JV_

“Don’t pull me into this,” Kaidan moved closer to James to watch the messages.

_Does he? – JS_

_He does, we all do – JV_

_I miss you more. I wish I was home with you – JS_

_How much longer are you going to be? -JV_

_An hour, maybe, I have to swing down to the docks to meet Joker, then I’ll grab breakfast, and I’ll be home – JS_

_An hour? -JV_

_Yes, baby, an hour. I have to work. You have two beautiful men next to you, find something fun to do until I get back – JS_

_We don’t play apart, Loco, rules are the rules – JV_

_Shower together then, or give one of them a massage, just because YOU always think about getting off doesn’t mean it’s the only way to touch someone – JS_

_I’m cuddling with the Major now – JV_

_Send me a picture – JS_

James pulled Kaidan onto his chest, adjusting Kaidan’s hair and pulling up his camera, snapping off a picture of the two of them together looking contented, sending it to Shepard.

_I love that, we should get it framed for the Normandy – JS_

_For the bedroom? – JV_

_Sure -JS_

_You know, I’m not going to be able to sleep without them – JV_

_Don’t worry about that, baby, I’ve got it handled – JS_

_Come home – JV_

_Soon, I promise – JS_

_Love you – JV_

_Love you more, I’m going on a test flight with Joker in a few minutes, I’ll let you know when I’m on my way home – JS_

“He’s so sweet with you,” Kaidan commented, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in a relationship before, but he’s much gentler than I thought he would be.”

“I don’t know if that is just how he is, or if he is going easy on me because I’m new to dating guys,” James shrugged, “I don’t really care, he’s awesome.”

“He is,” Kaidan agreed, “now let’s wake up my lazy fiancé and go clean the house for our Commander.”

***

_I’ll be home in 10 – JS_

_I’m counting the seconds -JV_

_Softy – JS_

_I’ll give you something hard later – JV_

_Promise? -JS_

_Promise – JV_

“10 minutes,” James called to Kaidan, who was finishing with the dishes in the kitchen.

“Do you think tonight is our last night on the Citadel?” Steve asked from the living room, “already?”

“It’s been about a week, Esteban, the war is still going even if we aren’t fighting it right now,” James continued folding the laundry at the bar, “we need to be back out there.”

“I guess,” Steve sighed, “it’s just nice, isn’t it? Our little relationship, all of us being safe.”

“It is,” James agreed, “but we’re only safe for now, and the Normandy is the only crew that can stop this shit. Either way, we need to not make Shepard feel too bad about taking us back out there, I know he’s already torn up over it.”

“I know, I’ll be good,” Steve walked over to Kaidan, helping him with the kitchen.

_To all crew: The Normandy’s successfully completed its retrofits, and the remaining issues with the ship have been resolved. I’m sorry to say that we will be departing the Citadel tomorrow at 1000. Please take this last night to enjoy yourselves, I can’t speak to when we can dock again. If anyone has any concerns or requires any final assistance prior to our departure, please let Major Alenko or I know – JS_

“I guess that answers that, and I’m betting he had to go head to head with Alliance brass to get us one more night. As soon as the Normandy was ready, they wanted us off of the Citadel,” Kaidan put away the last dish and turned on the coffee maker, “poor John.”

“We should spoil him today,” Steve offered, “let him take it easy, feed him, relaxing evening, all the pressure of the galaxy is going to be on his shoulders as of tomorrow morning.”

“I’m good with that, but I want to spoil him every day,” James placed the folded clothes in the laundry basket and moved toward the stairs, “I’ll be back in a minute, call me if John comes home.”

“Anything else to do?”

“Not that I can think of,” Kaidan looked over the lower floor, “just the rest of the laundry and the house is ready for us to go.”

“You think we should give James and Shepard a night alone?” Steve took down some coffee cups, lining them up on the counter, “we don’t want to scare them off. It’s their last night in their home before we’re back on the Normandy and Shepard is pulling long shifts again.”

“We should ask them, so they don’t think we’re avoiding them,” Kaidan suggested, “but they might want a night alone.”

Steve glanced up as he heard the front door opening, “Vega, your man is home.”

“Let me help you with those,” Kaidan met Shepard at the door, taking two of the takeout bags from him.

“Thanks, K,” Shepard followed Kaidan into the kitchen, “I told Luna I needed breakfast to go, and she cooked a damn feast.”

“I love that woman,” Steve smiled as Kaidan and Shepard started pulling containers from the bag, “she’s Alliance, right? Can we get her on the Normandy?”

“I wish,” Shepard snorted, “that would be amazing.”

“Hey, I’m a decent cook, what’s wrong with my cooking?” James walked into the kitchen and over to Shepard, pulling him in for a kiss.

“Nothing at all, baby. I can just think of better things for you to do with your time,” Shepard wrapped his arms around James’ shoulders, hugging him.

“How was the doctors?”

“Good,” Shepard reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card, passing it to Steve, “I did my bit, now you need to start yours.”

“Care to explain?” James looked between them.

Steve pocketed the card with a slight flush, “I told Shepard that I thought he should talk to someone about some of the issues he’s been having since he died.”

“And I said I would,” Shepard took an offered plate from Kaidan, “if Steve spoke to someone about Robert.”

“So you went to what, a shrink?”

“I went to a shrink,” Shepard confirmed, “who told me that I have PTSD, and has developed a treatment plan to help me cope. I’ll be talking with her once or twice a week.”

“Is she nice?” Steve asked from where he was filling his plate.

“Very nice. I told her about you a bit. She knows that you might reach out.”

“Alright,” Steve avoided Shepard’s gaze, “I’ll call her today.”

“Hey,” Shepard caught Steve by the arm as he went to walk past, “You were right. _I_ needed to speak to someone. She seems great if you want to, you can call her. If you want to think about it, that’s okay too.”

“I said I would,” Steve shrugged.

“You did, but if you need more time, that’s alright,” Shepard pressed a kiss to Steve’s forehead and let him go, “it’s not a race.”

“Does she know about us?”

“What, our weird four-person relationship?” Shepard filled his plate with most of the remaining food, “yes, I told her about it.”

“What did she think?” James asked, following Shepard into the living room.

“She thinks that if we can make it work without ruining the original relationships, that we’re in good shape. Cara, that’s her name, seems pretty open-minded. I think you’d have to be if you have someone coming into your practice and saying “Hey, so I died, and now I can’t face myself in a mirror, can you help?”

“What did she say about that?”

“Not much, yet,” Shepard started eating, “but it’s hard to explain, and the Alliance has given me very specific things I’m allowed to share. She knows I died, and that I was brought back by Cerberus, but I’m not allowed to share the extent of my cybernetics, or how long I was dead for.”

“She thinks you have PTSD?” Kaidan asked.

“She knows I have PTSD, Dr. Chakwas told her,” Shepard shrugged, “it’s not a secret, I went through something traumatic, it’s going to leave a scar.”

“Is there anything we can do to help?”

Shepard smiled at James, “well, I’ve only had one session, so I don’t have the treatment plan all laid out yet. She said I shouldn’t force myself to stare at the mirror if it makes me uncomfortable, but I should practice being in low lighting and just getting used to the light that I put out.”

“I didn’t realize it bothered you that much,” Kaidan commented, “you seem okay enough with Steve and me around.”

“Candles, lighting,” Shepard gave a dismissive wave, “I do things to hide my cybernetics, and I can almost pretend I’m just a normal guy.”

“There is nothing normal about how much food you eat,” James pointed at Shepard’s plate with his fork, “nothing.”

“Probably not, but I did that before I died.”

“He did,” Kaidan confirmed, “he has always eaten a ton.”

“Do we need to take down the mirror?”

Shepard shook his head, “no, not at all. I just need to gradually work my way up to looking at myself rather than trying to be okay with something I’m not.”

“Why does it bother you so much?”

Shepard looked at Kaidan, considering his answer, “I feel like I’m wearing someone else’s face. I struggle with if I’m _Commander Shepard_ or just a copy. I have distinct memories of _dying_. Seeing Joker in that shuttle, hitting the button, and suffocating in space. I remember that like it happened yesterday.”

Kaidan frowned and Shepard continued, “I think somewhere up in my head is this cognitive disconnect. I know I died. You don’t come back from death. Commander Shepard is dead but when I look in the mirror, someone who looks _just like him_ looks back at me. If Commander Shepard is dead, who the hell am I looking at? Not to mention I look just slightly wrong.”

“How do you mean?” James asked.

“My old scars, my old tattoos,” Shepard waved over his face, “they used to edit them out in my interviews, but I had some serious scarring on my face from old missions, my body wasn’t much better. I don’t look like me if that makes sense? It’s taking me some time to think that this body is also Commander Shepard.”

“I wish I could have been there for you, to help you get through this,” Kaidan sat back in his seat looking guilty, “what I said in Horizon, it wasn’t fair.”

“K, we’ve been friends for years because I know what kind of man you are,” Shepard finished the last of his food and set his plate aside, “if you had blindly followed me while I was working with Cerberus I would have wondered if you were the Kaidan Alenko I knew. That being said, comparing me to that Cerberus husk we found on Mars was a little harsh.”

“It was, I’m sorry,” Kaidan flushed, “I think you weren’t the only person struggling with the understanding that you were still alive.”

“I get it,” Shepard nodded, “I’m not mad, I’m just trying to get through it. I can’t be a good partner for James if I can’t stand the sight of myself.”

“You’re a damn good partner,” James disagreed, “even if you hide from your reflection.”

“Well, thanks to you, I have a much more attractive man to look at,” Shepard winked at James.

“When I asked you the other night if being dead was bad, you said no,” Steve turned to Shepard, “did you mean that?”

“I did,” Shepard looked at Steve.

“Do you think, if people had the option, that bringing soldiers back to life like you should be available?”

“Hell no,” Shepard shook his head, “and do me a favour, next time I die, make sure they leave me that way.”

“Do you have a DNR signed?”

“I always have, as soon as I signed up for the Alliance. Clearly, Cerberus didn’t get the memo,” Shepard shrugged, “cocksuckers.”

Shepard’s Omni-tool chimed, and he pressed a finger to his earpiece, “Shepard. Oh, hey Liara. Yeah, I can chat, just give me a minute.”

James watched as Shepard stood and walked into the back office, chatting quietly to Liara.

“Damn,” Kaidan let out a low whistle.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed.

“I’m glad he’s talking to someone,” James gathered the plates, “he deserves to be happy.”

“Get naked and sit on his lap, James, and I’m sure he’ll be happier.”

“Oh don’t you worry Major, that’s my plan for the afternoon.”

“Baby,” Shepard stuck his head out from the office door, “I love you, but I can’t make money deals when you’re talking like that. Go watch the game.”

James deposited the dishes on the counter, turning around and mooning Shepard with a wink.

“Sorry, Liara, just James being silly,” Shepard flipped James off and slid the door to the office closed, “run that by me again?”

“What’s he doing?”

“Trying to make money,” James dropped down onto the couch, “I don’t really understand it, but he seems to do deals with Liara, which keep him loaded. I don’t even know what he does with his Alliance salary.”

_Donate it – JS_

James rolled his eyes, “he donates it. Like that is super surprising.”

“To who?” Kaidan asked.

_Depends – right now I have a most of it going to support the orphans on the Citadel, now can I please finish this call? Save the questions for later – JS_

Kaidan looked up from his Omni-tool and laughed, “we’re distracting him.”

“Maybe we should go upstairs, get naked, and find something to do that isn’t distracting him?” Steve suggested, “I can think of a few ideas of what I’d like to do with the two of you.”

“You guys,” Shepard walked from the office, “I needed like _two_ minutes, and you’re all distracting the shit out of me.”

“Are you done?”

“I couldn’t concentrate,” Shepard crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at Steve, “so I told Liara to do whatever she thought was best.”

“Are you trying to intimidate me, Commander?”

“I don’t know,” Shepard arched an eyebrow at Steve, “is it working, _Lieutenant?”_

“You’re mostly just turning me on,” Steve grinned at Shepard, “I like you towering over me.”

“One of these days, Lieutenant, I’m going to take you upstairs and completely dominate you.”

“Oh yeah?” Steve looked up at Shepard with a grin from his seat on the couch, “how do you plan on doing that, Commander?”

Shepard moved slowly but deliberately as he leaned forward wrapping one hand around Steve’s neck. James could see him squeeze gently as he leaned forward and spoke to Steve close enough that his lips brushed Steve’s cheek.

“However I want, _Lieutenant_.”

James could only just hear the gasp that fell from Steve’s lips just before Shepard pressed a chaste kiss against them, letting Steve go and moving to sit on the other couch.

“You are a fucking tease, John,” Steve pointed at Shepard.

“I’m not teasing,” Shepard winked, turning the game on the TV and relaxing back into the couch, “I’ve got a read on you, Steve. I can tell what you’re into.”

“And what, you’re just going to do it?”

“Do you want me too?”

“Yes,” Steve spoke like it was the most sensible answer in the world, “obviously.”

“Well then, if our boys are agreeable, I’m sure I could come up with an interesting night for you, with some time to prepare of course. I would need to ask you some questions first, but I’m sure I could make it fun.”

“What kind of questions?” James walked over and sat beside Shepard, “I’m curious.”

Shepard smiled at James, “why do you want to help me plan?”

“Maybe?”

“Alright,” Shepard waited for Kaidan to join them, sitting next to Steve, “do you two ever switch?”

Kaidan shook his head, “I’ve never topped any guy before, I’m too scared of hurting him.”

“Is bottoming something you’ve done before?”

Steve nodded, “I don’t do it usually, but I can be in the mood for it, sometimes.”

“I’m going to take a few guesses here, let me know if I’m wrong,” Shepard held up his fingers and started listing, “whips, restraints, biotics, sensory deprivation, leather, edging…”

Steve nodded, “you’re good so far.”

Shepard looked over Steve, considering, “humiliation?”

“Sometimes.”

“Hmm,” Shepard smiled, “hot wax?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Free use?”

Steve paused and considered “within reason.”

“Specified partners only, no strangers.”

“Then, yes.”

“Kaidan, would it bother you to see Steve doing any of those things?”

“No,” Kaidan shook his head and took Steve’s hand, “I don’t think so. I’m not a dominant personality, though, so I don’t think I could be of any help.”

“James?”

“I’m more curious than anything else, but I don’t think it would bug me to see Steve tied up.”

“What about me hurting him, though, the action of me inflicting discomfort bordering on pain to your best friend?”

“Well, if he’s into it, I guess I’m good.”

Shepard turned his attention back to the TV, “yes, Lieutenant, I could certainly plan a good night for you.”

“You didn’t bring up gags,” Steve offered.

“You don’t like them,” Shepard shrugged.

“No, I don’t, but how did you know that?”

Shepard gave a small smile, and Steve rolled his eyes.

“Fucking N7.”


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“You two are so cute it’s sickening,” Steve commented from his couch.

“Shut up, Esteban.”

James glanced down at Shepard, where he was using James’ thigh as a pillow, stretched out on the couch with his face pressed into James’ stomach, eyes closed with a contented smile across his face. James ran his fingers through Shepard’s hair, knowing there was no chance he had fallen asleep.

“It’s adorable,” Steve stood and took a picture of the two, “John, you couldn’t look any happier right now if you tried.”

“I couldn’t be any happier right now if I tried,” Shepard responded.

“I didn’t picture you for a cuddler.”

“James is the first person to cuddle me. The family was high, exes weren’t interested.”

Steve shot James a surprised look, James shrugged, “his exes are pieces of shit.”

“No kidding,” Steve shook his head.

James looked back down at Shepard, “that’s why he has me now. I’m way better.”

“Way better,” Shepard confirmed.

Steve snapped another picture, sending it to James’ Omni-tool.

“Send it to me, too,” Shepard requested.

“Sure,” Steve flinched as something sharp and small hit him in the back of the neck.

“Fuck,” Kaidan swore from where he stood behind the bar, “did you see where that ended up?”

“It hit me, I can tell you that much,” Steve rubbed the sore spot on the back of his neck, “what are you doing back there?”

“I’m _trying_ to put in a new trigger spring on my shotgun, but I can’t get it where it’s meant to be, my hands are too big, and I have too much of a shake. Arms master, I don’t suppose you can help me out?”

“Sorry, Major, I never did any training on that kind of shotgun, but I know that they’re known for being difficult. I could give it a try, but I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Well, I only have one spring left, so last shot to get it in.”

“Hang tight, K,” Shepard opened his eyes and sat up, “I can do it.”

“James services all your guns,” Kaidan pointed out.

“He does now,” Shepard stood, “but I didn’t always have James. In fact, James is the first person I’ve ever let touch my guns.”

“Really?” James looked at Shepard, puzzled, “why?”

“Because I trust you, and I don’t trust anyone else with them,” Shepard retrieved the small spring from the floor, “shove over, K, let me show you the trick.”

Kaidan moved, and Shepard took his place in front of the gun, looking over how far Kaidan had gotten with the disassembly.

“Right, it all comes down to the direction of the spring. Do you want me to teach you, or just do it?”

“Just do it,” Kaidan looked over Shepard’s shoulder as he moved the tools around, “I’m planning on moving to a non-combat role after this shit is over. This gun is going to retire right along with me.”

“I’m with you on that, K, I’m over getting shot at. I’m too old for this shit,” Shepard glanced up at Steve, “is this your playlist that’s on right now?”

“Yeah, do you not like it? I can turn it off.”

“No, it’s good, turn it up,” Shepard smiled at him, “I like this song.”

“Oh, okay,” Steve turned the music up slightly.

“Honestly, Steve, you would think that I had told you I didn’t like you at some point,” Shepard looked over the small spring in his hand.

“Well I know you love James, and you and Kaidan have known each other for a while, sometimes I feel like a tag along.”

“You’re not,” Shepard met Steve’s gaze, “not at all. I almost took you home from Purgatory, and that had nothing to do with Kaidan or James. I’m just as happy to have you as one of my boyfriends as I am Kaidan. Stop acting like you’re in my way.”

“Alright,” Steve walked over to the bar to watch Shepard work, James following him.

“Okay,” Shepard stretched his fingers, “let’s do this.”

Shepard took a small pair of tweezers, compressing the spring and dropping it into the space in the gun Kaidan had been fighting with.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Kaidan rolled his eyes, “I’ve been fighting this for an hour, and you got it in a second.”

“I’ve done it before,” Shepard wrapped an arm over Kaidan’s shoulder, “and I can take apart this gun and reassemble it in a few minutes. It used to be my preferred model.”

“Why did you change?”

“Because James doesn’t like working on them, and I can kill someone with whatever is on hand. My training is extensive enough that I don’t care what I’m using. If my arms-master prefers working on something different, I’ll use something different.”

“You didn’t have to change for me, Loco.”

“I might have been trying to win you over, a bit,” Shepard winked at James, “figured if I was a bit nicer to you that I might attract your attention.”

“Guess it worked.”

“It sure did,” Shepard looked down at the gun, “now do you want to spend another half an hour putting it back together, or would you like me to do it?”

“You, please,” Kaidan rubbed his eyes, “I can’t even see straight anymore.”

“If you wore your reading glasses like you were meant to, you wouldn’t have that problem, Major.”

“Hold on, you have reading glasses?”

Kaidan groaned, “thanks, Steve, now everyone knows I’m getting old.”

“K, I already knew that you were getting old, you have grey hair coming in,” Shepard chuckled at the mortified look on Kaidan’s face, “but you would be gorgeous with glasses and your hair in curls.”

“Oh, for sure,” James agreed, “very sexy.”

“Shut up,” Kaidan waved them off, “are you putting my gun back together, or am I?”

“I’ll do it, bossy,” Shepard rolled his eyes, “you try to give a man a compliment, and they sass you.”

“He’s sensitive about needing glasses,” Steve wrapped his arm around James’ waist, “but he can’t get the surgery because it might mess with his implant.”

“There are ocular implants you could get, like mine,” Shepard sorted through the parts in front of him, “if you wanted.”

“They’re expensive.”

“If you want them, I can pay. Where did you put the screws you took out?”

“Oh, here,” Kaidan passed a small magnetic tray to Shepard, “and no, I’m not taking your money.”

“I wouldn’t suggest doing it in the middle of the war either, but if you want to after let me know,” Shepard doubled checked the supplies in front of him, “alright, let's do this.”

James watched as Shepard put each piece into the order in which it would be placed back into the gun, humming under his breath as a new song came over the speakers. As Shepard worked, the humming turned into singing under his breath, and eventually, Shepard was singing just loud enough that everyone could hear him, dancing slightly as Kaidan’s gun retook shape.

“He can repair guns, he can dance, _and_ he can sing?” Steve squeezed James, “are you the luckiest man in the world?”

“Yes,” James confirmed, “yes, I am.”

Shepard chuckled, “I wouldn’t call what I do singing.”

“Sounded like singing to me,” Kaidan passed Shepard a screwdriver.

“You might need hearing aids too,” Shepard tightened the last screw and lifted the gun from the bar, cycling it, double-checking it was unloaded before dry-firing it, “trigger weight of 5.7 lbs. I think that’s pretty decent.”

“How can you tell?” Kaidan took the gun from Shepard and took his turn, dry-firing it, “it’s certainly lighter now.”

“Sensors in my fingers,” Shepard started putting away the tools, “I have one in each index finger. When I do a trigger test, it shows me a weight measurement in my ocular implant.”

“Well, that’s handy,” Kaidan put the gun away, closing it in a case, “thanks for helping.”

“No problem,” Shepard pressed a kiss to Kaidan’s forehead, “whatever you need.”

“I want more cuddles,” James reached out for Shepard, who walked around the bar and pulled him into his arms, “cuddles then lunch.”

“Sounds like a great day,” Shepard let James pull him back toward the couch and push him back against it.

“Lay down, I’m using you as a bed.”

Shepard tugged off his shirt, stretching out over the couch and letting James climb over the top of him, holding still as James found a comfortable position lying across him.

“What did you want to do for lunch, baby?”

“I don’t care,” James closed his eyes, resting his cheek against Shepard’s chest, “whatever you want.”

“What do you guys want?” Shepard called out to Kaidan and Steve.

“No preference.”

“Your choice.”

Shepard arched an eyebrow, fixing Steve with a look, “this is your doing.”

“What did I do?”

“I’m trying to figure that out,” Shepard considered.

“We may have discussed giving you a nice relaxing day before we end up back on the Normandy.”

“You guys are sweet, but I’m used to this level of pressure. Honestly, I’m not going to crack if one of you picks what you want for lunch.”

James, Kaidan, and Steve smiled but didn’t offer any suggestions.

“You guys,” Shepard rolled his eyes, but smiled bringing a hand up to his ear and turning on his comm-unit, “Bailey? Hey, it’s Shepard. I need an opinion, do you have a minute?”

“Of course, what did you need, Commander?” Bailey’s voice came over the speaker in the living-room.

“The Normandy is leaving tomorrow, and I have three men I need to feed. If this was your last day on the Citadel, what would you order for lunch?”

“You’re calling me about a lunch order?”

“Yes, Commander Bailey, I’m calling you about a lunch order.”

“You know I’m head of C-Sec.”

“I do,” Shepard confirmed, “which means you also know which restaurants are likely to make my boyfriends sick.”

“Boyfriends?”

“Yes, Bailey, boyfriends.”

“Good for you, John. If I was younger, I wouldn’t mind a couple of ladies to keep me company.”

“I can set you up with Dr. Chakwas, she’s great.”

“Karin? Yeah, she’s really nice.”

“Next time we’re back, we’ll go out on a double date. I should warn you, there might be some competition with Admiral Hackett. Now, lunch?”

“I’ll send you a few of my favourite places,” Bailey chuckled, “but you need to tell Karin I say hi.”

“Send some lilies to the Normandy, they’re her favourite,” Shepard checked his Omni-tool as it lit up, “and I’ll set up a double date.”

“Deal,” there was a voice in the background of Bailey’s office, “what’s that, Emilio? Is it the Krogan again? That noodle stand has got to go. Shepard, I’m sorry, but it seems like your son’s squad is causing more shit. I need to go.”

“Send me the bill for the damages, they’re leaving tomorrow.”

“Will do, later, Shepard.”

“Bye, Bailey.”

“Mexican, Japanese, or Italian,” Shepard scrolled through the options.

“Mexican,” James voted.

“I’m good with that,” Kaidan agreed.

“Me too.”

“Alright, Mexican, it is.”

***

“He’s out like a light,” Steve whispered to Shepard, looking at James, who was curled up against Shepard’s chest, snoring.

“He sure is,” Shepard whispered back, “Kaidan’s pretty out of it too.”

Kaidan let out a louder snore from where his head was tipped back against the couch next to Steve.

“You wore him out last night.”

“I think he had fun. It’s your turn soon.”

“For what?”

“Whatever you want,” Shepard brushed James’ hair from his face, “you’ve had lots of fun with James, not very much with me.”

“I gave you a blow job,” Steve countered.

“Yes, but when do _you_ get to have fun?”

“That was fun,” Steve smiled, “a lot of fun.”

“Still, you haven’t had a blow job from me yet, or slept with anyone but Kaidan.”

“You guys talkin’ about sex?” James’ mumbled, only half awake.

“Yes, baby, I was just making an observation that Steve has been neglected in our little arrangement.”

“I gave him a blowjob yesterday,” James frowned but didn’t open his eyes.

“Neglected by me,” Shepard clarified.

“You guys can play on the ship, I called dibs on you tonight,” James wrapped his arms around Shepard tighter, “I get to be selfish tonight.”

“It’s not selfish, baby, I’m yours first.”

“Did you two want a night alone?” Steve offered, “Kaidan and I can sleep downstairs.”

“Do you want to miss out on watching John bottom?”

“I’m bottoming tonight?”

“I was hoping I could seduce you into it.”

“Done,” Shepard chuckled, “and you want the boys to watch?”

“It’s a beautiful thing. You get all needy and desperate.”

“I have to admit, I wouldn’t mind watching.”

“Then you’re upstairs with us,” James opened one eye to look at Steve, “we want you two around.”

“I need to get up, baby,” Shepard shifted.

“I’m comfortable,” James protested.

“Yes, but I need to pee, and I don’t have any cybernetics which stops that from being the case,” Shepard carefully extracted himself from underneath James, letting him settle on his back onto the couch and heading upstairs.

“Esteban,” James held his hands out, “come cuddle me.”

Steve walked over, dropping down on the couch next to James and letting him shift and turn Steve until they were spooning on the couch.

“I did picture you as a cuddler,” Steve closed his eyes, “you seem like the type.”

“I like being touched.”

“I can do more than cuddle you,” Steve offered.

“Thanks, but I’m going to wait for John tonight,” James ran his hand down Steve’s side, “did you want some attention?”

“I’ve been upstairs for one minute, and you two are already groping each other?”

“Esteban needs love too, and his man is asleep.”

Shepard walked down the stairs, dropping down onto the couch next to Kaidan, waking him.

“Huh?” Kaidan shook his head to attempt to wake up, “dinner time?”

“Kaidan, apparently your man is needy today.”

“I haven’t asked for anything,” Steve argued, “I offered to get _your_ man off, and he said he wanted to wait for you tonight.”

“You woke me up for that?” Kaidan laughed, “Steve is always horny, that’s one of the best things about him.”

“I didn’t even say I was horny,” Steve rolled his eyes, “I was offering to get _James_ off.”

“You’re hard,” James reached around to cup Steve through his pants.

“I’m cuddling with a very sexy man,” Steve pointed out.

“Loco?”

“Yeah, baby?”

James undid the button of Steve’s pants, slowly drawing down the fly, “I think Esteban needs some loving.”

“And what would you like me to do about that, James?”

“Come and give him the best blowjob of his life?” James tugged Steve’s pants down, his boxers following shortly after, revealing that Steve was incredibly hard as James gently teased him.

“Kaidan?”

“By all means,” Kaidan offered, “my knees couldn’t take kneeling that long, and I’m sure he’ll still have the energy for me later.”

Shepard stood, grabbing the coffee table and dragging it backwards with one hand to make room for him to kneel next to the couch.

“Here’s the rules, Esteban,” James continued stroking Steve, “he likes having his face fucked, but you’re not going to be allowed to move. I’m going to hold you still, and John is going to take exactly what he wants from you, good?”

“So good,” Steve agreed.

James moved his hand from Steve’s cock, moving his grip to Steve’s hip, holding him in place, “all yours, Loco. Don’t hold back.”

Shepard didn’t, leaning forward and deep throating Steve in one quick motion, pulling a startled moan from him.

“Oh shit,” Steve tried to roll his hips and found himself held in place, “oh no.”

Kaidan laughed, “you’re at their mercy now, hun, might as well relax.”

“Move,” Steve pleaded as Shepard held in one spot.

“He can hold his breath for 10 minutes, Esteban, he doesn’t need to go anywhere,” James pressed a kiss to the side of Steve’s neck, “maybe he’ll just wait the full 10 minutes, and you’ll have to cum just using your imagination.”

“No,” Steve tried again with no success to roll his hips, “John, _Commander_, please.”

Shepard hollowed his cheeks, sucking hard as he pulled back, drawing another moan from Steve.

“Show him what that tongue can do, John,” James encouraged.

“Oh my god,” Steve closed his eyes against the sensation of Shepard’s forked tongue flicking over the head of his cock, “_so good_.”

“Isn’t it?” Kaidan commented from the couch, “he’s very talented.”

“I want you to make him beg, John,” James tightened his grip on Steve’s hip, “hold still, I’m going to move him.”

Shepard did as he was told, keeping his mouth in one position as James rolled his own hips forward, pushing Steve’s cock into Shepard’s mouth, starting a slow but steady pace.

“_Yes_,” Steve turned his head to kiss James, “it feels so good.”

“Glad you’re enjoying yourself, Esteban because we’re not moving any faster than this.”

“Why?” Steve practically sobbed.

“Because I said so.”

Steve let out a low whine but relaxed into James’ grip, moaning quietly at each rock of James’ hips.

“_Please_,” Steve was begging after a few minutes of the slow rocking, “_please_ speed up.”

“Why?”

“James, you’re being mean,” Kaidan commented from the couch.

“Shepard edged me for hours once. If I can endure that, then Esteban can handle this.”

“Please don’t make me wait for hours to cum.”

“I won’t,” James assured, “but we’re still never going to go any faster than this.”

Steve let out a sound that was almost a sob.

“You know, Esteban, Shepard can do all kinds of things with his biotics,” James spoke with a low voice as he kept Steve rocking into Shepard’s mouth, “one time he offered to prepare me with them.”

“Oh god,” Steve moaned, “please.”

“Do you want Shepard’s biotics?” James whispered into Steve’s ear, “feel him all around you? Inside of you?”

“Yes, _please_.”

“I want to see that,” Kaidan agreed, “I’ve never seen Steve with anything inside of him.”

“Loco?”

“Mmhmm,” Shepard hummed around Steve’s cock.

“Can you show Esteban your skills?”

Shepard reached out and took Steve’s hand, gently holding it as his biotics flickered to life and travelled over Steve’s body before moving toward Steve’s ass.

Steve tensed for a minute, then let out a loud moan as Shepard’s biotics pressed inside of him.

“Does that feel good, Esteban?”

Shepard closed his eyes, and Steve let out a shriek.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes,” Steve gripped Shepard’s hand with white knuckles, “_yes_.”

“You want to cum in his pretty mouth, Esteban?”

“_Please_,” there was a fine sheen of sweat over Steve’s brow.

“Major, do you think he’s ready to cum?”

“I don’t know…”

“Better beg your man, Esteban, we’re keeping up like this until he says yes.”

“Kaidan, please,” Steve pleaded, “please.”

“I think you’re okay to keep going for a few more minutes,” Kaidan crossed his arms over his chest with a wicked smile, “they’re taking good care of you.”

“_PLEASE_,” Steve shouted as Shepard’s biotics increased.

“Aren’t you enjoying the attention, Lieutenant?”

“_Major_,” Steve’s eyes met Kaidan’s, “please.”

“Hmm,” Kaidan tapped his chin, “let me think about it.”

Steve sobbed as Kaidan moved like he was considering his options, a broken “please” falling from his lips with each roll of James. After a few minutes, Kaidan let out an exaggerated sigh.

“Alright, Lieutenant, you can cum.”

James and Shepard moved together like a fine-tuned machine, James increasing each roll of his hips to drive Steve’s cock further into Shepard’s mouth. Shepard increasing his biotics enough that James could feel his hair crackling with the static. It only took seconds for Steve to cum with a sob, James driving his hips all the way forward for Steve to spill down Shepard’s throat.

Shepard let his biotics flicker out, pulling off of Steve gently and letting him rest heavily against James.

“Good, Steve?”

“Amazing,” Steve answered Kaidan, “I loved that.”

“You like the three of us controlling you?”

Steve blushed but nodded, “Christ John, that tongue of yours.”

“Now you know why I’m marrying him,” James gently rubbed where he had been holding Steve’s hip.

“I’d marry him for that tongue.”

“I’m not getting mine done,” Kaidan shook his head, “we can just use Shepard’s.”

Shepard chuckled, “you guys are insane.”

“Too bad you can’t suck your own dick, Loco, you would know what the hype was about.”

“I’ve had my dick sucked by someone with a tongue like mine, James, why did you think I had mine done?”

“Drugs?”

“Well, yeah, that too.”


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alilypea is currently bombing through 11 chapters I have written to make them something that looks like sensible english. 
> 
> You should love her and send her digital hugs.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“What does your dream house look like?” Shepard posed to Kaidan, Steve, and James, as they sat in the kitchen eating dinner.

“Trees,” Kaidan immediately answered, “I would want it to be somewhere near nature. I’ve spent years in space, I’m dying to have some plants around me.”

“I really like when you have the houses that have floor to ceiling windows looking out over a nice view, high ceilings, open concept,” Steve listed off, “I want a house where I could have a ten-foot Christmas tree with a fireplace.”

“James?”

“I would like a shop, somewhere I could work on cars, a yard for a dog. It would be nice to be somewhere a little more private, like Kaidan said. What about you, Loco?”

“I don’t care,” Shepard shrugged, “as long as you’re there.”

“You must have something you want from a home,” Kaidan prompted.

“Just to have one,” Shepard gave him a sheepish grin, “somewhere to wake up with my husband”

“That’s good too, Loco,” James took one of Shepard’s hands, “kids?”

“I would love to adopt,” Shepard nodded, “if I get the chance.”

“How many?”

“I’m not sure, I’ve never let myself dream that far,” Shepard considered, “maybe two?”

“If we have kids we should get the dog at the same time, so they can grow up together,” James considered, “maybe a cat too? Just in case our kids don’t like dogs.”

Shepard smiled at James, “whatever you want.”

“What are we going to do with the boyfriends?” James pointed at Kaidan and Steve.

“I’ve thought about that, I have a few ideas,” Shepard offered.

“I’d like to hear them,” Steve took a sip of wine, “I know this is new, but I don’t see it ending when the war does.”

“No, me either, which is why I thought about it. The way I see it is there are a few options, one, we build a home which is big enough for all of us, extra bedrooms. If we plan for a big home then we can fit whatever kids that Kaidan and Steve want, while still living together.”

“Second option?” James asked.

“Big property, two houses.”

“I vote option one,” James finished his wine, “I don’t think we’re going to go for kids right away anyway. We need to spend some time married and fucking on every available surface.”

“I like option one, too,” Kaidan agreed, “I don’t want to sleep apart.”

“Same,” Steve nodded, “I like this dynamic we have.”

“Well, then we’re settled,” Shepard stood to clear the plates, “location preference?”

“Earth, other than that I don’t care.”

“I would still like to settle back in Vancouver, but anything with a similar feel will be fine by me.”

“I’ll move Emilio wherever we go,” James shrugged, “so I don’t care.”

“Canada is good with me,” Shepard went into the fridge and pulled out a cheesecake, “dessert?”

“You’re my dessert,” James winked at Shepard.

“We need to eat this tonight, we can’t take it tomorrow,” Shepard pulled out the smaller plates, “but yes, baby, when we’re done my ass is all yours.”

“Hell yeah, best night ever,” James did a little dance in his chair as Shepard placed a piece of cake in front of him.

“Thanks, John,” Kaidan smiled at him, “I have a hard time picturing you bottoming, but I’m looking forward to seeing it if we’re invited.”

“Yep,” Shepard placed a plate in front of Steve and joined them at the table, “if I prepared Steve for you, would you be interested in topping?”

“Oh it’s not a lack of interest, just nerves.”

“James and I could teach you, if it’s something Steve would like.

“Steve?”

“Yes, Major?”

“What do you think?”

“You couldn’t find better teachers,” Steve considered, “and after my afternoon I’m certainly feeling more open to having something inside of me. That was incredible.”

“No way could I teach Kaidan how to prep you with biotics, Steve, his biotics are…sharper…than mine.”

Steve winced, “fingers and cocks are fine.”

“Then let’s finish dessert, Kaidan and Steve, you guys get ready, shower or whatever, downstairs, and James and I can get ready upstairs.”

“I’m excited,” Steve gave a sheepish grin, “I think this might be the only thing we haven’t tried.”

Shepard chuckled, “it surprised me how much I enjoyed it too. You might find after that you guys switch a bit more often, considering…”

“Considering?” Steve asked.

“How submissive you are,” Shepard arched an eyebrow at Steve, “you seem like you would really enjoy Kaidan pinning you to the bed fucking you until you scream.”

Steve blushed and Shepard continued, “just imagine it, James and I could hold you down for him while he does whatever he wants with you.”

The table fell silent.

“Does anyone else think that dessert _after_ sex sounds like a really good idea?” James suggested.

“I think that sounds like a great idea,” Kaidan nodded, his eyes trained on Steve.

“Upstairs in 20 minutes?” Shepard asked.

“Race you,” Steve put down his fork and there was a pause before the room erupted into motion, Steve and Kaidan sprinting into the downstairs bathroom, James and Shepard running for the stairs.

Shepard found himself pinned against the wall of the bedroom by James, who kissed him deeply while undoing his belt.

“I fucking _love_ your ideas, John,” James tugged Shepard’s pants down, “you’re so fucking sexy.”

“I’m going to show you something new tonight,” Shepard peeled off James’ shirt, “come on, shower.”

“I can’t wait to be inside of you,” James let Shepard pull him into the bathroom, “I want you _so bad_.”

Shepard turned on the water and finished stripping, “lets get clean then, our boys are going to be upstairs soon and if we don’t hurry they’re going to start without us.”

***

By the time Kaidan and Steve walked upstairs, Shepard had the bed prepped with clean sheets, the temperature turned down, and the lube on the bedside cabinet.

“Someone’s ready for us,” Kaidan and Steve were dressed only in towels wrapped around their waists, “I hope you don’t mind, we didn’t see the point in getting dressed again.”

“No worries, just drop the towels in the hamper,” Shepard had the lights in the room low, and seemed confident standing nude in the middle of the room, “Steve, if you’re open to it, I was hoping to show James something new with you as the model.”

“Uh, sure?” Steve dropped his towel, “should I be concerned?”

“I’m sure you know what rimming is.”

“I do.”

“Opposed?”

“I’ve never been at the receiving end of it, but I wouldn’t think so.”

“Perfect, well Kaidan, I’m not going to treat you like a total beginner because I know you’re not, but I’ll give you some tips. James, feel free to jump in if you want too.”

“I feel like I should take notes,” Kaidan dropped his towel.

“It’s easy, it just comes down to not rushing,” James reassured.

“Where do you want me, Commander?”

Shepard pulled Steve to him, kissing him, “on my bed, on your stomach.”

Steve crawled onto the bed, making a show of dropping onto his stomach heavily. Shepard crawled after him, kissing the back of his neck and biting down on his shoulder.

“What about me, Loco?”

“Watch, you might see something that interests you and you can offer pointers,” Shepard waved them over, “come closer.”

Shepard trailed kisses down Steve’s back, kneeling between his legs and grabbing Steve’s bum with a gentle smack.

“Come up on your knees,” Shepard tugged on Steve’s hips, “Kaidan needs to see.”

“Okay,” Steve brought himself up onto his knees, keeping his arms crossed in front of him.

“Right, well, I guess just watch and if you have any questions, ask,” Shepard moved further down the bed, using his hands to encourage Steve to spread his legs.

“Feeling a little exposed here.”

“You wont be worried in a minute,” Shepard pressed a kiss against the swell of Steve’s ass, then another, and once more before running his tongue over the tight ring of muscle of Steve’s entrance, pulling a deep moan from Steve.

Kaidan chuckled, smiling at James, “you ever done this before?”

“No,” James watched as Shepard continued flicking his tongue back and forth, Steve pushing his ass back against Shepard’s mouth, “but Steve looks like he’s loving it.”

“I am,” Steve groaned, “it feels so good.”

“How do you normally get John ready?”

“Fingers, kissing, blowjobs,” James kept his eyes on Shepard, “but I bet this is a good way of having someone relax, getting them into it, and slicking him up.”

Shepard gave a thumbs up from his position before moving his hand to start stroking Steve’s cock where it was starting to harden between his legs.

“Oh god,” Steve rocked his hips.

“John you better do this for me when you top me next,” James reached for Kaidan, pulling him close.

“I will,” Shepard used a pull and caught the lube as it flew to him, “I can do it tonight if you want.”

“Another time, I’m want to be inside of you like _right now_.”

“I need to show Kaidan how to get Steve ready first,” Shepard poured some lube into his hand, slicking his fingers, “the important thing here Kaidan is to not rush it, even if Steve seems horny as hell.”

Shepard teased Steve with gentle pressure before pressing his index inside of him, Steve letting out a low whine and holding his breath.

“Breathe, Steve,” Shepard prompted.

“It’s intense,” Steve took a deep shuddering breath.

“No,” Shepard curled his finger and Steve moaned, “that’s intense.”

“Shut up,” Steve groaned, “don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not,” Shepard shook his hand slightly and Steve whimpered, “I’m having fun with you.”

“I understand all of this,” Kaidan watched with interest, “but how do you know when to add another finger?”

“When it stops feeling like he’s so tight around your finger that he’s going to break it,” James commented.

“Relax, Steve,” Shepard brought his other hand around to stroke Steve’s cock again, watching the tension leave Steve’s body under the attention.

“It’s weird being the only one being touched,” Steve moaned as Shepard pressed into his prostate.

“Only for another few minutes,” Shepard assured, “then I’ll be on the bed next to you and Kaidan can finish getting you ready.”

When Steve started rocking his hips, Shepard withdrew his finger and tapped him on his side, “move, Kaidan is going to take over.”

“Uh,” Kaidan hesitated, “show me?”

James passed Kaidan the lube, “lots of lube first.”

Kaidan coated two fingers, and looked back at James, “now?”

“Like this,” James showed Kaidan with his own fingers, “then gentle push in.”

Kaidan brought his fingers to Steve, pressing them inside of him slowly.

“Yes,” Steve moaned, “fuck.”

“You’re doing just fine,“ Shepard smiled, “how do you want me, baby?”

“Like Esteban, we’re going to try that position you showed us the other day,” James smiled in satisfaction as Shepard immediately got on his knees, “you’re so sexy, Loco.”

“Glad you approve, now less talking, more fucking.”

James smacked Shepard’s ass, “don’t sass me.”

James felt much more confident preparing Shepard next to Kaidan who was occasionally asking him questions or pausing to watch as he worked Shepard up to three fingers.

“You better fuck me or I’m going to let Kaidan take me,” Shepard whined from the bed.

“Esteban, how are you feeling?”

“Ready,” Steve moaned, “really, really, ready.”

James took the lube, coating his cock before passing the bottle to Kaidan, “I don’t need to tell you not to shove your cock in hard, right? You’ve got enough experience as a bottom to know that sucks.”

“I do,” Kaidan copied James, positioning himself, “tell me if I’m hurting you.”

“You know I will.”

“Ready, Loco?”

“Yep,” Shepard reached out for Steve, taking his hand.

James positioned himself and pressed in gently, pausing the head of his dick slipped inside Shepard, “rock back onto me as you’re ready.”

Steve let out a startled yelp as Kaidan pressed forward.

“You’re okay,” Shepard reassured, “it’s just new. You’ve been well prepared, you just need to relax.”

Steve’s eyes were clenched shut, his grip on Shepard’s hand would have been painful had Shepard’s hands not been made of cybernetics.

“Keep still for a second, Major,” James placed a hand on Kaidan’s shoulder, “let John talk him through it.”

“Deep breath,” Shepard encouraged, and Steve complied, a deep breath in through his nose and out of his mouth.

“Fuck, I’m not going to be able to take him,” Steve was shaking and Kaidan moved to pull out, stopped by James’ hand on his back.

“Give him a minute, it just feels weird when you haven’t done it in a long time.”

“Relax,” Shepard soothed, “think about how good it feels to know that _Kaidan_ is inside of you.”

Steve whined and Shepard continued, “you’re the first guy that Kaidan has ever been inside of, he’s saved this for you.”

Steve opened his eyes and locked his gaze with Shepard, “keep talking.”

“It feels so good, doesn’t it, the stretch?”

Steve nodded.

“Imagine how good it will feel when he’s entirely inside of you.”

“Yeah,” Steve sounded breathless.

“Rock your hips, Lieutenant,” Shepard pushed back against James, “take your man.”

Steve watched Shepard rocking back and forth and copied his movements, the two of them moving in together until Kaidan and James were bottomed out.

“Fuck,” Steve was sweating, “you’re so big Kaidan.”

“You’re so tight,” Kaidan squeezed Steve’s hip, “does it feel good?”

“So good,” Steve confirmed, “you?”

“Amazing.”

Shepard lifted his chest from the bed, resting his weight on his knees and his fists on the bed, continuing to rock back against James.

“You feeling good, John?”

“Yes, baby,” Shepard brushed the hair from his eyes, looking over his shoulder, winking at James.

James chuckled, “don’t give me that look, Loco.”

“What look?”

“The _you better fuck my brains out_ look.”

“You _better_ fuck my brains out, but I don’t know if you’re going to be able to support my weight with just holding onto my arms.”

“Don’t know until we try,” James backed up slightly, bringing Shepard with him until they were both standing, “give me your arms.”

Shepard adjusted his stance, bringing his arms behind his back and letting James hold them.

“This isn’t so bad.”

“I’m holding my own weight,” Shepard rolled his eyes and smiled at Steve who was watching him with rapt focus, “once you actually start distracting me I wont be able too.”

“Like this?” James pulled almost all the way out, encouraging Shepard to arch his back, before using Shepard’s arms to sink himself back inside the taller man.

Shepard’s biotics flickered, the names across his back lighting up as he groaned, “yeah like that. How are you holding up, Steve?”

“Good. I would be better if Kaidan would start moving.”

“Easy for you to say,” Kaidan’s own biotics were shimmering over his skin, “you’ve done this before. I’m trying to last more than two seconds.”

James started a slow rhythm, rocking Shepard back and forth watching as his Shepard’s biotics rolled over him, noticing that true to Shepard’s words, he was getting heavier with each thrust.

“Okay, you win Loco, hands on the bed,” James dropped Shepard’s arms, “you’re a big boy.”

“Funny,” Shepard reached on hand out, resting it on Steve’s thigh and pushing his biotics over Steve’s body, the smaller man moaning and bucking back against Kaidan.

“Kaidan, move,” Steve begged.

“Fine,” Kaidan watched James for a minute and matched his pace, “I’m not going to last though.”

“Don’t care, feels good,” Steve wrapped his hand over Shepard’s.

At a particularly hard thrust Shepard swore, “_fuck_, James.”

“Too much?” James slowed.

“No, perfect, do it again,” Shepard rocked his hips back against James at another rough thrust, “_fuck_, yes baby.”

“Now who’s the power bottom?” James pressed Shepard’s chest down onto the bed, copying how he had Kaidan the night before, “you like me fucking you hard?”

“Yes,” Shepard was gasping with each thrust, his biotics spreading across the bed and wrapping over Kaidan and James.

“Christ, John, can’t you keep those to yourself? You’re going to make me cum,” Kaidan’s lost his rhythm, breathing heavily.

“_Harder_,” the hand not on Steve’s thigh griped the sheets with white knuckles as Shepard used what leverage he had to push back against James.

“_Steve_,” Kaidan’s biotics crackled as they hit Shepard’s, “_fuck_.”

James felt himself nearing the edge and reached around to stroke Shepard in time with each thrust, pressing harder with each snap of his hips until he felt Shepard clench around him as he came, pulling James over with him, Shepard’s name on his breath as he curled around Shepard, pressing kisses into his shoulder.

Kaidan came moments later, Shepard only just having the awareness to cover James and Steve in a barrier as Kaidan’s biotics rolled across the bed and over them, crackling like static.

Gently, James pulled from Shepard, dropping on the bed with a contented groan, Kaidan following suit.

“Uh, guys?” Steve rolled on his back between them, “a little help?”

“Give me one second,” Kaidan gasped as he tried to catch his breath.

“I’ve got him,” Shepard pushed Steve up the bed, bringing his head level with the other men and reaching for the bottle of lube, coating Steve’s cock and two fingers, which he slipped into Steve easily, “stroke yourself.”

Steve all but jumped at the order, fisting his cock quickly as Shepard curled his fingers to press the sensitive bundle of nerves inside him, his shoulders tense with need.

James watched as Shepard reached up and wrapped his hand around Steve’s throat, pressing his fingers into each side of Steve’s neck, his eyes fixed on Steve’s face.

“He’s got you now, Esteban,” James whispered in Steve’s ear, drawing a whimper from him, “you better cum for him or he’ll keep you here _all night_.”

Each moan from Steve sounded more desperate than the last, his chest heaving as Shepard kept this pressure on this throat.

“Come on, Lieutenant,” Shepard twisted his fingers and Steve’s back arched, “I can feel how close you are.”

Kaidan pushed Steve’s hand away, stroking Steve quickly. Steve reached out toward James who took his hand and linked their fingers together.

Shepard flashed a bright blue, pushing his biotics against Steve’s prostate at the same time he let Steve’s throat go, the rush of air rushing to his head sending Steve over the edge with a hoarse moan.

“That’s it, Steve,” Shepard praised as Steve started to come down, “beautiful.”

“Oh my god,” Steve dropped James’ hand, bringing his own up to wipe the sweat from his face.

Shepard gently pulled his fingers from Steve, patting his thigh gently, “stay here, I’m getting some supplies.”

“Couldn’t walk if you paid me,” Steve took heaving breaths.

“He’s good with his hands,” James chuckled.

“He’s good with everything,” Kaidan added, “it’s insane watching him in bed.”

Shepard came from the bathroom with a damp cloth in one hand and a small bottle in the other.

“John, as much as I would love you to fuck me, I’m in no position for a round two,” Steve looked at the bottle in Shepard’s hand with concern, “rain check?”

“As much as I would love to fuck you,” Shepard kneeled between Steve’s legs and opened the bottle, “I need at least twenty minutes to get it up again and I think my cock might break you.”

“What’s the deal with the lube?” James asked as he watched Shepard pour some of the liquid into his hands.

“It’s not lube, it’s aftercare,” Shepard glanced up at Steve, “this might sting, a bit, but I promise you’ll be glad in a few minutes that we did it, okay?”

“I trust you.”

Shepard pressed his fingers back inside of Steve, drawing a pained hiss from him.

“I’m sorry,” Shepard kissed Steve’s hip, “Kaidan has a big dick, I wasn’t gentle with you. This is essentially medi-gel designed to heal you after rough sex. I picked it up at Lust the other day.”

“It’s fine,” Steve’s eyebrows were furrowed but he let Shepard spread the medicine inside him, “it doesn’t hurt now.”

“That’s the point,” Shepard carefully slipped his fingers from Steve, using the warm cloth to clean his hands and Steve’s stomach, “it’s not fun if the first time you do this with a partner you hurt for days after.”

“Was I too rough?”

“No, Kaidan, you were perfect,” Steve rolled on his side to cuddle with Kaidan, “we’ll definitely do that again.”

“Maybe I’ll last longer than five minutes next time,” Kaidan joked.

“Practice makes perfect, Major,” James reached out for Shepard who dropped down next to him, pulling him in for a kiss, Shepard’s tongue flicking across James’ lower lip, “you already in the mood for round two, Loco?”

Shepard’s stomach growled, loud in the quiet of the room, “can we do cheesecake first?”

“I like that idea,” Kaidan agreed.

“Fucking biotics,” James rolled his eyes, “always with the food.”


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“I wish we could stay here.”

James woke up to Kaidan’s voice in a whisper.

“Me too,” Shepard responded, “I wish I could hide you all away, keep you safe, pretend none of this is happening.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to go back to the crew quarters, not after sleeping with at least one of the three of you for the past week. I think I’m used to waking up in a puppy pile.”

“I’ve got that handled, K, don’t worry about it.”

“Something I should know?”

“Oh, you’ll get it. Don’t worry,” Shepard ran his hands through James’ hair, “I know you’re awake.”

“I don’t want to be awake,” James grumbled, “if I’m awake, I have to get back on that ship and stop pretending that we’re married and happy with the war behind us.”

“I know, baby,” Shepard pulled James on top of him, holding him tightly, “I don’t want to ask any of you to come on the Normandy. If I could, I would do it all myself.”

“I know,” James sighed, “I don’t want to make you feel bad about it.”

“It’s the challenge of command, James. Sometimes you have to face that you might be sending people you love off to die. Sometimes, you actively make the choice for someone you care about to die.”

“If that’s command, I don’t want to do it.”

“Then don’t, baby. If you want out of the Alliance after this I’ll get you out. Hell, if you want out of the Alliance now, I can get you out.”

“What about you?” James tilted his chin up to look at Shepard, “who protects you?”

“I do,” Shepard cupped the side of James’ face, smiling down at him, “as best as I can.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won't,” Shepard assured, “even if I die during this war, the Reapers can’t take this from us.”

“What?”

“Your memories. This moment. Us right now with our men in bed. Even if I’m not with you at the end of this, you’re always going to have moments like these to come back too.”

“Stop talking like you’re going to die, John,” Kaidan frowned, “I had a hard enough time last time.”

“I’ve got a fancy implant now, remember?” Shepard held up his arm, “you boys wanted me around, so EDI is going to keep me going. I have also had a grey box made, so if they need to…reboot me…or whatever, you have my memories.”

“I thought you wanted to stay dead if you die,” Kaidan shook Steve’s shoulder gently, starting to wake him.

“I do.”

“Why would you have a grey box made?”

“I promised James a life,” Shepard shrugged, “he can have that, even if it’s all my memories in a mech. I’m trying to give him some options.”

“You really take promises to the next level.”

“Yep,” Shepard checked the time, “I hate to say it, but we need to pack. You guys can stay around the house but I need to be at the docks for 0830.”

“No way, I’m coming with you,” James followed Shepard out of the bed, pausing to look at Steve who was still snoring, “he could sleep through the entire war, I swear.”

“Likely,” Kaidan shook Steve again.

“Lieutenant Cortez,” Shepard’s voice wasn’t loud, but it made Kaidan and James jump regardless, “inspection.”

Steve rolled, and fell, out of the bed, landing on his knees, “Commander?”

“Yes, Steve?”

“Did you just call me for inspection?”

“I just woke you up,” Shepard pulled Steve to standing, “it worked.”

“Jerk.”

“I might be a jerk, but I got you off pretty decent twice yesterday, so you can’t sass me.”

“Ugh,” Steve wrapped his arms around Shepard’s waist, dropping his head against Shepard’s chest, “I don’t want to leave.”

“None of us do, Steve,” Shepard returned the hug, squeezing Steve gently, “you and Kaidan need to go downstairs to pack. You can come with James and I early, or you can stay at the house.”

“Can we get coffee on the way?”

“Of course,” Shepard kissed Steve’s forehead, “but I need to get ready.”

“Okay,” Steve pulled back and reached out for Kaidan, “let's go be grown-ups.”

Kaidan chuckled, “if you insist.”

“I have a taxi coming for 8,” Shepard checked the time, “we have an hour to pack, enjoy really hot water, and relax before everything goes to shit again.”

***

James helped Shepard as they went through the departure protocol, Shepard taking the time to explain each step of organizing supplies, approving retrofits, and going through the inspection of the ship prior to take off.

“Is Emilio coming to see you off?” Shepard signed off on a datapad, passing it to one of the Alliance dock personnel.

“Yeah, he should be here any minute,” James looked up at the Normandy, admiring the new shielding, “think it will help?”

“I think it’s likely better to have it than not,” Shepard had a small frown, “I’ve seen that ship get torn in two. More shielding the better.”

“You weren’t going to leave without saying goodbye, I hope,” Emilio’s voice came from behind Shepard.

Shepard stepped out of the way, letting James rush past him to pull Emilio into a hug.

“I was waiting for you,” James pointed to the Normandy, “we’re meant to leave in five.”

“I know. I had to make sure the Krogans left the Citadel, and they wanted to stop for noodles on the way. Thankfully they were on their best behaviour. You all ready to go, John?”

“As ready as I ever am,” Shepard shook Emilio’s hand, “make sure you take good care of my place.”

“Will do. Do I get the skycar and the motorcycle too?”

“You’re welcome to the car,” Shepard pulled a key-card from his pocket and handed it to Emilio, “don’t touch my bike.”

“Any idea when you’ll be back?”

James shrugged, turning to Shepard, “that’s a Commander question.”

“I don’t know if we will be,” Shepard answered honestly, “I’m going to try to get us a day here and there, but I can’t promise you anything.”

“Do what you can, John, just keep my boy safe.”

“You know I will.”

“Everyone’s here, John,” Kaidan walked over with a list in hand, “all supplies are on board. We’re just waiting for you.”

“Alright, get everyone in the ship and I’ll be right there,” Shepard turned back to Emilio, “it was great to meet you, hopefully, we’ll be seeing each other again soon.”

“Hopefully,” Emilio agreed, “make sure you let me know if you’re going to be headed this way.”

“Of course,” Shepard checked his Omni-tool.

“Time to go?”

“I told the crew we were taking off at 1000,” Shepard gave James’ shoulder a gentle squeeze, “which means there are three minutes until departure. Personally, I always thought that being on time was important. No need to rush these things.”

James felt his heart clench, “thanks, John.”

“Take your time,” Shepard kissed James’ temple, “I’ll be waiting just inside the doors.”

“Goodbye, John.”

“Goodbye, Emilio,” Shepard gave a nod and turned toward the ship, walking up the stairs and from view.

“Goodluck out there, Jimmy,” Emilio frowned, “make sure you message me at least every other day, let me know you’re both okay.”

“I will.”

“Make sure he eats and doesn’t let this all get to him.”

“I know.”

“Don’t forget to make time for each other,” Emilio pressed, “even when it seems like there isn’t a spare minute.”

“Yes, dad,” James froze as the word fell from his mouth.

“Well, son,” Emilio cleared his throat, his voice unsteady, “I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” James tugged Emilio to him, “for everything.”

“You’re welcome.”

James’ Omni-tool chimed and he pulled away, “I have to go.”

“I know you do,” Emilio looked up to the ship, “but I don’t like it much.”

“John will keep me safe, besides, we’re going to have a wedding to plan once this is done.”

“I’ll be waiting for my invite.”

“Well that’s easy,” James took a step back, “you live in my house.”

“Goodbye, Jimmy, talk soon.”

“Goodbye, Dad,” it was easier the second time, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Counting on it.”

James took a deep breath and turned to the ship, following Shepard’s path up the steps and opening the airlock. Shepard, true to his word, was waiting for him just inside the door.

“Are you okay?”

James shook his head, “I fucking hate this, John.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Shepard let James press his face against his chest, “you can still stay if you want.”

“No,” James clenched his fist into Shepard’s shirt, “I can’t. Don’t make me pick between staying with you or staying with him.”

“Alright,” Shepard ran a soothing hand over James’ back, “take a minute.”

James did, leaning heavily into Shepard, taking in slow breaths until he felt his emotions calm, “okay Loco, let’s go kick Reaper ass.”

“You got it, babe,” Shepard pressed the button for the airlock, walking into the cockpit, “ready to go, Joker?”

“We were just waiting for you two to stop cuddling, so yeah, on your order, Commander.”

“Citadel Command, this is Commander Shepard requesting permission for departure.”

“Granted,” the female voice hesitated, “return date?”

“Unknown.”

“Goodluck, Commander.”

“Thank you,” Shepard knocked on the back of Joker’s chair, “let’s go.”

“Hey, look, it’s Lee,” James pointed out the window to the young boy where he stood with his dad, waving frantically.

“Does the Normandy still light up all down the sides?”

“Yeah, it sure does Commander.”

“Light her up,” Shepard watched as Joker pressed a few buttons and Lee jumped up and down with excitement, “now he knows we saw him.”

“Softy,” James joked.

“And we’re on our way,” Joker slid the Normandy from docking bay D24, slowly making his way out the arms of the Citadel, “where too, Commander?”

“Somewhere not totally infested with Reapers, you pick. Once we’re somewhere safe, let me know and we’ll have a meeting to review our next steps.”

***

“Welcome back, everyone,” Shepard spoke to everyone where they had convened in the kitchen, “I hope you all enjoyed the shore leave. I’m glad you’re all back in one piece.”

“Best shore leave ever!” Ken called from the back, drawing a chuckle from the room.

“Glad to hear it. Now, we have some housekeeping to go over, then I’ll post the schedules and hang out the kitchen for a bit if any of you have any issues to discuss with me,” Shepard held out the datapad, reading off the points, “we have fully stocked the medbay for _all_ of the crew members, including Garrus and Tali. If you happen to be going out on missions without me, please make sure you have a suit repair kit in your pack.”

“Thank you, Shepard.”

“No problem,” Shepard nodded to Tali and continued, “I had some retrofits installed which has boosted the Normandy communication reach, which means that many of you should now be able to talk with your families through your Omni-tools. Please make sure the work required is still getting done, but I’m not going to police your time if you have a chance to talk with your parents.”

Another cheer from the crowd and James couldn’t help but feel proud of Shepard.

“We have stocked up on a month's worth of supplies, so please, be aware that they need to last us at least that long,” Shepard gave Joker a look, “I deliberately didn’t have your bags inspected when we came on board, and I know that most of you have brought snacks which the Alliance have banned. I ask that you’re aware that we have a diverse crew here on the Normandy. No human food in the Turian/Quarian fridge, or I’ll have to have it all taken away.”

“Finally, while we were on shore leave EDI designed something in the way of a hydroponic system for us to grow fresh fruit and vegetables for the crew. Given the fact that almost all available space within the ship has been taken up by supplies, these machines have been installed in the crew quarters, which required the removal of one of the bunk beds.” Shepard glanced at Kaidan over his datapad, fast enough that most of the crew didn’t notice, “my quarters have been changed to allow two members of the crew to sleep in the captain's quarters. Any volunteers?”

“I don’t mind,” Kaidan held up his hand.

“Me either,” Steve followed suit.

“Perfect, thank you,” Shepard made a note, “please don’t touch these machines, they will be monitored by EDI who assures me that they will not inhibit your sleep in any way. Like the fridges, one will be for Levo foods. We’re currently growing some…blue…fruit from Palaven.”

“It’s amazing,” Garrus supplied, “you make it into a spread.”

“I’ll take your word for it, Garrus,” Shepard scrolled through the datapad one more time, “Major Alenko, anything I’m missing?”

“No, Commander, you’re all set.”

“Great. The schedules have been posted to the Normandy chat, I’ll be available for the next few minutes and then we’re back to work.”

The crew started to disperse, moving to their designated work areas with mild chatter.

“Smooth, Shep,” Joker walked over to him with a knowing smile, “it’s going to be a real hardship for you and James, sharing your room with Kaidan and Steve.”

“Yep,” Shepard crossed his arms over his chest, “really difficult.”

“What’s the matter, do your boyfriends snore?”

“They do,” Shepard arched an eyebrow, “but it’s mostly the dehydration that’s the problem.”

Joker snorted, “as long as you’re happy.”

“Very,” Shepard leaned forward to whisper into Joker’s ear, “please don’t start spreading shit. We’re not going to keep it secret, but I don’t need more drama on top of all the other crap I need to deal with.”

“Don’t worry, Shep, I’ve got your back,” Joker assured.

“Commander, you have an urgent call from Admiral Hackett,” Samantha called from the elevator.

“Some things never change,” Shepard rolled his eyes at James, “see you for dinner, baby.”

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

“Love you more.”

“Love you most.”


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. This made me sad to write.  
Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

They had been back on the Normandy for a month then the call came in for Shepard in the middle of the night. Shepard calling an emergency meeting for the crew.

“I’m sorry for waking you all up,” Shepard was composed, but James could feel the tension radiating off of him, “I’ve been called in for a special ops mission, and I’ll be leaving the Normandy first thing in the morning.”

The crew erupted into chatter and Shepard held up a hand to quiet them, “I know. I’m sorry. This is not something that usually happens, but as it is, my N7 crew is the one needed for this job.”

“How long are you going to be gone for?” Kaidan asked, placing a reassuring hand on James’ shoulder, “we’re so close to the final push.”

“I don’t have an answer to that, but hopefully before the crucible is ready,” Shepard held up his hand again as the crew started to panic, “enough, guys, calm down.”

“You calm down,” Joker crossed his arms over his chest, “we can’t beat the Reapers without you. Sending the Normandy anywhere without you is like sending us to die.”

“That’s not true,” Shepard shook his head, “I’m not leaving you without a Commander, you’ll have someone in my place who is just as capable as me.”

“Oh yeah, who?”

“James.”

“James…Vega?”

Shepard arched an eyebrow at Joker, “how many James do you know on this ship?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but how he is just as capable as you?”

“Joker,” Shepard’s voice offered no room for argument, “this ship has been made and designed with the thought that an N7 operative will be the commanding officer. As it is, I’ve been taken from the ship to complete a very critical mission. James is an intelligent, compassionate, and _skilled_ solider with prior command experience. Most importantly, he knows all of you, and he cares about all of you. I know he’ll make the right choices while I’m away, and Admiral Anderson agrees with me.”

“Who’s going to be my second in command?” James tried to sound calmer than he felt.

“Major Alenko will maintain that position,” Shepard passed a datapad to James containing all the details, “do any of you have any questions?”

“If the crucible is done before you’re back?” Steve glanced around the crew, “what do we do?”

“Follow Admiral Hacketts orders.”

“If that means leaving you behind?”

“It means leaving me behind,” Shepard glanced at his feet for a moment before looking back to the crew, “I will do _everything_ in my power to be back before that happens, but, if something happens…” Shepard sighed, “I need to know that you will all follow James with the same level of respect and trust that you follow me.”

“On your orders, Commander,” Garrus saluted, “but you better be back. Seems unfair for you to do all this work just to miss the end.”

“I’ll do my best,” Shepard nodded, “I’ll be leaving before the first shift, so as of 0600 tomorrow any command inquiries need to be directed to Acting Commander Vega, or Major Alenko. Any questions?”

Tali let out a small sob and Garrus pulled her to him, giving Shepard a Turian shrug, “good luck, Commander.”

***

“What do you mean you’re leaving,” James started on Shepard as soon as they were in the elevator up to their shared quarters, “you can’t leave.”

“James, I have no choice,” Shepard ran a hand through his hair, looking exhausted.

“Like fuck you don’t.”

“James,” Kaidan tried to calm the situation, “you know that he doesn’t.”

“We’re almost at the end of this and he’s _leaving_ us,” James stalked out of the elevator and into their quarters.

“Baby-“ Shepard reached for James.

“No,” James shrugged off Shepard’s grip, “don’t _baby_ me. I can’t believe you’re going through with this.”

“What choice do I have?” Shepard pleaded, “I have a direct order from N7. I’m not with Cerberus anymore, James. I can’t just ignore it.”

“You’ve ignored plenty of orders in the past, why not this one?”

“I’ve never ignored an order from N7, James.”

“James, calm down,” Steve tried to stop James from pacing only to have James level a glare at him as he stood in his way.

“You calm down, my boyfriend is fucking _leaving_ for some stupid secret mission. I have no idea if I’ll see him again.”

“James,” Shepard stood in front of James, stopping him mid-stride, “please stop.”

“Why should I. It’s not like you considered us when you took this mission.”

Shepard staggered back like he was struck, and James immediately felt awful.

“Everything I do, James, is because of you.” Shepard dropped down onto the couch, head in hands, “I don’t want to leave you, baby. I don’t want to leave any of you.”

“We know you don’t, John,” Kaidan sat next to Shepard, a hand on his back, “it’s just a surprise.”

“Tell me about it,” Shepard scowled, “but Anderson asked me to oversee this mission specifically. He never does that unless it’s important.”

“Where are you going?”

Shepard looked to Steve, a sad smile on his face, “I can’t tell you.”

“You can’t tell us?” James’ voice was lethal, “I’m N7, why can’t you tell me?”

Shepard sagged under the pressure, “because I can’t, baby. Look, I know this sucks, but do you really want to spend what might be our last hours together shouting at me?”

It was James' turn to look shocked, “our last hours?”

Shepard didn’t respond, just buried his head into his hands.

“John,” Kaidan started, “what else aren’t you telling us?”

Shepard didn’t look up, “this is a class seven mission.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means,” Shepard glanced up at James, “I’ll be radio silent for the duration. You won't be able to reach me.”

“What?” James started pacing again, “so you’re leaving, you don’t know for how long, and we aren’t going even be able to talk?”

“That’s right. Which is why I’m asking if you really want to spend the next,” Shepard checked his Omni-tool, “two hours I have left on the ship yelling at me?”

James sat next to Shepard, “no, I don’t. I’m sorry.”

“I understand,” Shepard took James' hand and brought it to his mouth, brushing a kiss over his knuckles, “I promise, if I had a choice I would stay.”

“At the party, you promised me a life together after the war.”

“I did.”

“The only way I can see that happening is if you’re _here_, on the Normandy during the final assault.”

“I agree.”

“That means you _have_ to be back before the crucible is completed,” James dared to meet Shepard’s gaze, finding his blue eyes guarded, “because you promised.”

“Seems about right.”

“James,” Kaidan started, “that’s a lot of pressure to put on John.”

“No, he’s right,” Shepard brushed the small bump in his arm where EDIs transmitter sat just under the skin, “I promised.”

“What do we do now?”

Shepard glanced at Steve, “go to bed. If I’m heading into hell I want some last-minute cuddles before I go there.”

***

Shepard loaded the last of his gear into the small shuttle manned by Dena, “that’s it.”

“Say goodbye to your men,” Dena nodded to Kaidan, Steve, and James where they stood nearby, “then we need to go.”

Shepard walked over to them, “can I have a minute with each of you?”

“Sure,” Kaidan stepped forward, “I’ll go first?”

Shepard nodded, leading Kaidan away from the other two, “what I’m about to ask you isn’t fair, K, but you’re the only one I can trust.”

“I’ll take care of him,” Kaidan gave Shepard a weak smile, “I promise.”

“If that means you have to force him to leave me behind, make sure that happens,” Shepard pulled Kaidan into a hug, “Normandy survival. James’ survival. I need that above all else.”

“I understand,” Kaidan offered Shepard a watery smile, “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Shepard’s voice was unconvincing, even to himself.

Kaidan gave a nod, walking back to James and Steve, ushering Steve to Shepard.

“Lieutenant,” Shepard brought a hand up to cup Steve’s cheek, “you need to take care of both of them.”

“I will,” Steve pressed a kiss to Shepard’s palm, “I’ll also be waiting for the order to evacuate you from whatever shit you’re in. I know you’re not meant too, but try and keep in touch. For James’ sake.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Steve walked back to James, giving his shoulder a squeeze in support as he walked to Shepard.

“Loco.”

“Baby,” Shepard took a breath to start talking, before pausing and shaking his head, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” James took Shepard’s hands in his own, “you need to come back, Loco.”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“I promise I’ll do my best, and be back as soon as I can.”

“I don’t know,” James took a deep shuddering breath, “if I can do this without you.”

“You can, you will,” Shepard pulled James tight against him, “you have K and Steve, lean on them for support if you need it. You can do this, baby.”

James nodded against Shepard’s chest, “I’ll do my best.”

“You’ll do great,” Shepard tilted James chin up and pressed a kiss to his lips, “I have to go.”

“I know,” James wiped the rogue tear that fell down his cheek, “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Shepard turned toward the shuttle, getting in beside Dena.

“I love you most,” James shouted over the roar of the engine, and with a wave, Shepard was gone.

***

For the first two days that Shepard was gone, James worked in autopilot. Relying heavily on Kaidan and Samantha to ensure that all of the duties now assigned to him were completed up to a standard he thought that Shepard would be proud of.

On the third day, Kaidan pulled him aside in the kitchen.

“You need to eat, James.”

“I’m not hungry,” James looked over the food that had been prepared for the morning.

“You haven’t eaten since John left,” Kaidan pleaded, “please have something, even if it’s something small.”

James shook his head, trying to ignore the ball of tension which had made it’s home in his stomach since Shepard had left, “I’m really not hungry.”

“Yes, you are,” Kaidan grabbed a bowl and poured some cereal into, Shepard’s favorite, James noted, before passing it to him, “please just _try_ to eat for me?”

“Fine,” James took the bowl and found an empty seat next to Steve, using his spoon to push the food around the bowl rather than eat it.

“Eat,” Steve pointed with his own spoon, “now.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I know you’re not,” Steve pushed the bowl closer to James, “and you won't be, for at least a week. But Shepard is counting on you to run the ship and you can’t do that with no fuel in the tank.”

“A week,” James took a bite of the cereal, finding it sitting in his stomach easier than he thought it would, “that’s specific.”

“I’m speaking from experience,” Steve gave James a pointed look, “eat.”

“Sorry, Esteban.”

“Don’t worry about it, but Shepard is counting on me to keep you two both going. I don’t plan on him coming back to a skinny boyfriend.”

“Commander,” Samantha came around the corner with a datapad in hand, “I’ve just come across a distress call.”

“Think it’s legit?”

“Yes,” Samantha started to ramble about the readings and James held up a hand to stop her.

“I trust you, Traynor. If you say it’s legit, it’s legit. Have Joker set a course, I’m going to finish my breakfast and I’ll be right up there.”

“Right away, Commander,” Samantha saluted and James pulled a face.

“Cut that shit out.”

“Yes, Commander,” Samantha rushed to the elevator, off to tell Joker about the signal.

“I can see why he wanted you in command,” Kaidan sat across from James, “you’re just like him.”

“Yeah, well, I grew up wanting to _be_ him,” James took another bite of cereal, “it’s bound to rub off.”

“Well, I don’t think you could get much closer now,” Kaidan grabbed a piece of bacon, offering it to James who took it sheepishly, “you’re N7, and you’re the commanding officer of the Normandy.”

“I’m so proud,” Steve gave an exaggerated hug, pretending to blot away tears from his cheek.

“Shut up, Esteban,” James smiled and rolled his eyes.

“There we go.”

“What?” James bit into the bacon, looking to Kaidan.

“A smile. I think that’s the first one I’ve seen since John left.”

James gave a small shrug.

“We get it, James,” Kaidan reassured, “honestly. We love you too though, and we’re going to get through this together.”

James nodded, finishing his cereal, “thanks for breakfast, Major.”

“You’re welcome, go check out the signal and let me know if I need to pack you a lunch.”

“I will,” James stood, noticing the crew watching him, all seemingly relieved that he had eaten, “thanks.”

***

They had arrived in the area of the distress signal the next day, and true to Samantha’s word it had been real. James, Tali, and Liara had easily cleared out the ship and saved the few civilians remaining. All in all, James felt quite proud of himself when he gave the sit-rep report to Admiral Hackett.

“Well done,” Hackett adjusted his stance, taking the weight off of his right knee, “and how are you holding up?”

“Not a scratch on me.”

“I don’t mean physically.”

“Oh,” James looked down, “not great.”

“You know, David agonized over sending John on his mission. We must have spoken about it for weeks before he could bring himself to give the order.”

“It’s a hard position to be in, sending your son to possible death.”

“It is,” Hackett agreed, “but if anyone can do it, it’s Shepard.”

“It’s so unfair though,” James sighed, “the entire galaxy rides on his shoulders and everyone just _expects_ him to get it done. He gets tired too. He deserves a break.”

“No one deserves a break more than him,” Hackett shifted again, “I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.”

“Admiral?”

“Yes, Commander?”

“Could you…” James frowned, “tell me where he is?”

“John didn’t tell you?”

“He said it was class seven, so he couldn’t. We haven’t heard from him since he left.”

Hackett reached out of view, grabbing a datapad and scrolling through its contents, “it is a class seven mission, which strictly means that I can not tell you that he is currently on earth.”

“Earth?” James felt his jaw drop.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Commander,” Hackett turned to speak with someone out of view, “I need to go. You did well today, James. Shepard would be proud.”

“Thank you,” James saluted Hackett.

“Hackett out,” the hologram disappeared.

“Earth?” James mumbled under his breath, “shit.”

James met up with Steve and Kaidan for dinner, signaling with a nod for them to grab their plates and follow him up to their quarters.

James waited until they were in the bedroom before turning to EDIs terminal, “EDI, I need you to log out for a minute.”

“Of course, Commander.”

“James?”

“John’s on earth.”

“Earth?” Kaidan sat down on the couch, “you’re sure?”

“Hackett told me today, during the sitrep.”

“Oh shit, last time we were on earth…”

“It was full of giant space bugs, yeah,” James paced the room, “he’s down there with only Dena and Spike.”

“Do we know that?” Kaidan questioned, “Anderson might be with him.”

“He might,” James considered, “I guess.”

“There’s nothing we can do about it,” Steve shook his head, “maybe just try and keep the Normandy within a half-day trip from earth, so if he needs us, we can get him.”

***

The men ate in silence, only broken as James let out a long yawn.

“You’re eating again,” Kaidan gathered the plates, “now we need to work on the sleeping.”

“I can’t sleep,” James rubbed his eyes and let Steve pull his shirt over his head, “I’m used to falling asleep with the sound of Shepard’s heart in my ear.”

“You can lay on me?” Steve offered.

“Thanks, Esteban, but it’s not the same. Shepard’s heart lets out this whirr sound that yours doesn’t.”

There was a chime, and James looked down at his Omni-tool with a frown, “who’s messaging me at this time of night?”

The message was short, but James knew immediately who it had come from.

_I miss you, baby_ – 1103

“Shit, it’s John,” James showed Kaidan and Steve, “what’s with the name?”

_I miss you too, so much -JV_

_Error – USER 1103 not found_

“He must be hacking terminals to send you messages,” Kaidan looked over James’ shoulder, “wait, there might be another one.”

_I’m okay, not hurt, not sure how much longer I’m gone – 1245_

_I love you – 3789_

“Shepard just broke protocol to message you,” Kaidan looked shocked, “_John Shepard_ just broke a direct order from N7.”

James didn’t answer, instead taking a screenshot of the messages in case they were gone the next morning and leaning heavily into Steve.

“I have an idea,” Kaidan paused, “EDI?”

“Yes, Major?”

“That transmitter, does it have a microphone in it?”

“Yes, Major.”

“Could you play the sound of Shepard’s heart over our speaker?”

“Just a moment.”

There was a pause, then the unmistakable sound of Shepard’s heart over the loudspeaker in this room.

James looked up at the speaker and then to Kaidan, “thank you.”

“No problem, now come on, bed.”


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who have sent me support, kudos, and lovely comments on this fic. It's been a LONG work in progress, and I can confidently say that I'm starting to write the ending. 
> 
> That being said, Alilypea is a fucking boss, and she has up to chapter 60 proof read. I'll be posting them over the next few weeks.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

Two days later, another message came through while James was eating lunch.

_We lost Spike today – 8374_

“Oh no,” James frowned at his Omni-tool.

“What is it?” Kaidan looked over James' shoulder, “Oh shit.”

“Are you leaving me out?” Steve moved to stand behind James to read the messages.

“Spike died,” James considered for a moment before attempting to send a response.

_I’m sorry. We love you and miss you so much – JV_

_I love you too. Another week, maybe. – 8374_

“The messages are working,” James frantically typed another message.

_I love you more – JV_

_I love you most – 8374_

_Prove it – JV_

_ERROR – User 8374 not found_

“Shit,” James sagged in his seat, “worth it while it lasted.”

“Poor John, he’s known Spike for years,” Kaidan looked over to the memorial wall, “think we should get his name up there?”

“Yeah, but we need his real name.”

“You could ask Anderson?” Steve suggested.

“I could, but then he’ll know John is messaging us, and I’m not going to get him in trouble.”

“Good point,” Steve agreed, “another week?”

“That’s what he thinks,” James took more screenshots of the messages, “too bad.”

“I know you miss him,” Kaidan kissed the top of James’ head.

“Oh,” Steve checked his calendar, “he’s going to miss your birthday.”

“Yeah.”

“When is your birthday?”

“A couple days,” James finished his lunch and stood, “if he messages you don’t mention it. He already feels bad.”

“No problem,” Kaidan reassured, “he’s not messaging us anyway, he’s saving that for you.”

“He spoils me,” James gave a wave, “see you tonight.”

***

“I hope John messages James for his birthday,” Steve held his hand out for a wrench which Kaidan passed wordlessly, “I feel so bad for him.”

“Me too,” Kaidan moved the light for Steve, “he’s doing a great job as commanding officer though.”

“He’s good as long as he’s busy,” Steve frowned, “I was the same way, after Robert. I completely redid our house. All the little projects he had asked me to do that I had ignored over our years together, I did them all.”

Kaidan’s Omni-tool chimed, and he glanced at the flashing light, “you don’t think…”

“Check it,” Steve waved frantically, “fast.”

_Hey, K, you around? – 7645_

“It’s him.” Kaidan typed out a quick reply.

_John, are you okay? – KA_

_Been better, rough day. I need your help – 7645_

_Anything – KA_

_Throw a party for James’ birthday. I’ve sent you some credits, Steve can source whatever you need. I don’t want him to think I forgot – 7645_

_Of course. He misses you so much – KA_

_I miss him too, and you and Steve – 7645_

_Is there anything else you need? – KA_

_ERROR – User 7645 not found_

“A birthday party?” Steve hummed under his breath, “I can do that.”

“It might keep his mind off of it all,” Kaidan checked his bank account and let out a low whistle, “and he has more than paid for it.”

“That’s John for you.”

***

“Kaidan, I’m busy,” James tried to shrug off Kaidan as he pulled him from his terminal.

“Nope, it’s dinner time, let’s go, James.”

“Who’s the commanding officer here?”

“Oh please,” Kaidan called the elevator rolling his eyes, “don’t try and pull rank on me, James. It doesn’t suit you.”

“I don’t want John to come back to a million messages,” James protested again but let Kaidan pull him into the elevator.

“I’m working on John’s order right now.”

“What? You spoke to him?”

“He messaged me the day he told you about Spike,” Kaidan took James by the hand, “and told me how much he misses you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because he also gave me a mission, well, Steve and I a mission.”

“What mission?” James followed Kaidan from the elevator to the starboard observation, the door sliding open into a dark room.

“SURPRISE,” the lights turned on and James jumped as the crew surrounded him.

“Happy birthday, Commander,” Kaidan whispered in James’ ear, “John asked that we throw you a party.”

“Oh,” James felt his eyes well up, “wow.”

“He didn’t forget,” Kaidan tugged James into a hug to give him a moment to collect himself, “Steve and I have been working on it for a couple of days.”

James felt a hand on his back and turned to find Steve, “happy birthday, Commander!”

James rolled his eyes, but managed a smile, “thank you, Lieutenant.”

“I haven’t done a lot of these birthday party things before,” Garrus commented from the couch, “Turians don’t really celebrate the whole thing. I always thought that there was meant to be drinks at these things?”

“Sounds like a plan, Scars, let’s get this thing going.”

***

James dropped onto the bed James' feeling more relaxed than he had since John left, “thanks for the party, guys. It was a good time.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Kaidan got into the bed beside James, Steve taking his other side, “it was mostly Steve’s work.”

_How was the party? – 3974_

“It’s John,” James announced.

_Would have been better if you were there, but it was fun. Thank you, Loco – JV_

_I wish I could have been there – 3674_

_Me too, I would give anything to see you right now – JV_

_INCOMING VID CALL FROM 3674_

“Holy shit,” James rushed to accept the call, casting it to the large screen at the end of the bed for Kaidan and Steve to see.

On the screen, James could see a sweaty and dirty Shepard, the sound of gunfire in the background. The picture lagged and cracked for a moment before he saw Shepard smile.

“Hi boys.”

“John,” James heard his voice crack, “are you okay?”

“I smell disgusting but other than a few broken ribs I’m just fine,” Shepard leaned back against the brick wall behind him, “happy birthday, baby. I don’t have long.”

“I thought you had to be radio silent?”

“I do,” Shepard turned the camera and James could see Dena working over a communication terminal, “Dena has called me an “_insufferable ass”_ no less than five times since we got here. She told me to message you guys anyway.”

The sound of gunfire was louder now and Shepard shuffled out of view, swearing under his breath.

“John?”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Shepard was whispering, “I wish I had more time but I need to move. I love you, I miss you, and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“I love you too.”

“Happy birthday. Check your messages, I sent your present. Kaidan, Steve, I miss you guys like crazy. Thank you for getting the party organized for me.”

“Of course,” Kaidan reached out for James’ hand where it was shaking, “we miss you too.”

There was a gunshot and the window above Shepard shattered, “shit.”

“John we need to go,” Dena’s voice sounded urgent.

“I love you guys,” Shepard’s face froze, and the screen cut to black.

“EDI, get Shepard’s heart over the speaker,” James looked up at the speaker as the sound of a rapid heartbeat filled the room.

“He must be running,” Kaidan tightened his grip on James’ hand.

The seconds ticked by like minutes as Shepard’s heart continued thundering over the speaker. James holding his breath as he waited for it to slow.

“John’s the best of the best,” Steve met Kaidan’s gaze a little frantically, “I’m sure something as basic as a gunfight isn’t hard for him.”

“Of course not,” Kaidan agreed.

“Being shot it bad for anyone,” James closed his eyes, “come on John, get somewhere safe and calm down.”

It took what felt like a lifetime, but eventually, Shepard’s heart slowed and the room let out a collective breath of relief.

“You should check your messages,” Kaidan suggested, “it sounds like John sent you something.”

“Right,” James pulled them up and scrolled through them until he saw one that stood out from Admiral Anderson, the subject line of _CHANGE IN STATUS -APPROVED_.

_John – _

_I have pushed through your change in status, and you’re now off of the N7 call-out list. When I brought it to the administrators with the points you had brought up, they agreed. We need you on the Normandy, and you’re too well known for the covert missions. _

_I’m sorry to have called you out for this mission, John. It wasn’t an easy choice but when we got all the intel you were the only option. _

_I’ll try and check in with your men while you’re away. Let me know as soon as you’re back on the ship. _

_-Anderson_

“Wait,” Kaidan re-read the message, “he took himself off the N7 list?”

“Shit,” James let out a sigh of relief, “I can’t believe he would do that.”

“He’s ready to have a life,” Steve snuggled into James’ chest, “a civilian life.”

“Me too,” Kaidan agreed, “in the house, we talked about.”

_I’m okay – sorry for the quick exit. Good night boys. I love you all – 6523_

“Yeah,” James closed his eyes and listened to the steady beat of Shepard’s heart, “me too.”

***

Another week went by with no messages from Shepard and James could tell he was getting irritable by the way the crew avoided him. He glared at his coffee as Samantha called his name.

“Commander?”

“What,” James glanced up as Samantha flinched at this tone, “sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like that. What can I do for you, Samantha?”

“It’s alright, I understand,” Samantha waved toward the coms-room, “I have Admiral Anderson on vid chat.”

“Oh,” James pushed away from the terminal, trying to stop the feeling of panic, “thank you.”

James forced himself to not run the entire way to the coms-room, holding his breath as he pressed the button to connect them.

“Good morning, son,” Anderson appeared in front of him.

“Admiral,” James greeted, “what can I do for you.”

“Relax, James. As far as I know, John’s fine.”

James felt his shoulders sag with relief, “thank god.”

“I was just checking in on how things were going on the Normandy. Almost two weeks as a commanding officer and I haven’t received one complaint. I’m impressed.”

“I’m sure they’re coming. I’ve been a little…tense… for the past week.”

“You’re human,” Anderson shrugged, “they don’t expect you to be okay with John gone. Keep in mind the crew misses him too. For many of them, this is a very real reminder of when we lost John the first time.”

“I know. Kaidan has been helping me get through it, and Steve.”

“I may not understand that whole thing,” Anderson smiled, “but I’m glad you have them.”

“Me too, but they’re not John.”

“I understand. He has a way of making a nice home inside your heart, doesn’t he? I don’t think I’ve ever been the same since I met him.”

“I get it.”

“James,” Anderson paused, “it’s okay to _not_ be okay. I know you need to hold it together for the crew but lean on Kaidan and Steve at night if you need too. They want to help you. Make sure you message Emilio too, he’s been asking me about you because he’s so worried.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve messaged him for a couple of days,” James felt guilty, “I didn’t want to mope.”

“That’s what dads are for, son.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll message him in a minute.”

“Now, this is a highly confidential mission. That being said, you’re also N7, so I can give you a little bit more information about what John is up too.”

“Really?”

“He’s on earth, which I know Steven told you. I can tell you that he’s in New York, and working with your uncle's old squad.”

“Wait,” James started to put together the pieces, “do you have him cleaning out the gang he was a member of?”

“Well done, Commander.” David beamed at him, “We received information that they were extorting people for money as _protection_ from the Reapers. Once they had the people hiding out in their various locations they are getting them addicted to whatever drug of choice is on hand, knowing full well that they are the only source of drugs in the area. It was actually Shepard’s intel which helped us figure it out.”

“I don’t get it,” James shook his head, “taking out a gang is childs play for Shepard. He’s been gone for almost two weeks.”

“There are a lot of hostages, a lot of locations,” Anderson sighed, “and a _huge_ Reaper and husk presence where John is right now. He’s done a lot of the work, but he still needs to take down the HQ.”

“How much longer?”

“A couple days, maybe?” Anderson gave a dismissive wave, “last time I spoke with him he said he didn’t want to take another week, but that was five days ago.”

“Right,” James frowned.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I never meant to take him from you.”

“I know, Admiral Hackett told me.”

“I can’t wait until this is all over, and we can have a normal life.”

“Me too.”

“I better go, my squad is moving soon,” Anderson gestured behind him, “I’ll send you a message as soon as I hear anything.”

“Thank you.”

“Good luck, son.”

“See you, David.”

***

Two more days passed with no news, and by lunchtime, Kaidan had banned James from interacting with any crew and sent him back up to their cabin.

“You’re being a grouch,” Kaidan pushed James to the elevator, “go have a nap.”

“I’m busy.”

“You’re not busy, you’re being an ass,” Kaidan called the elevator down, “we all miss him James, but snapping at the crew isn’t helping anything. Go chill out for a bit and when you’re feeling better you can come back down.”

James moved to protest and Kaidan held up his hand to silence him, “I promised John I would take care of you while he was gone. This is me keeping my promise. You need a break. Go take one.”

James frowned but agreed, “fine. Just an hour.”

“As long as you need to feel like yourself again,” Kaidan tugged James down for a quick kiss, and James realized how long it had been since he kissed anyone, “we’ll be here.”

“Okay, thanks, Major.”

“You’re welcome, Commander.”

James leaned against the wall as the elevator took him up to their quarters, suddenly feeling more tired than he had in years. Walking in and dropping on the bed, he pulled out his Omni-tool.

_Hey Emilio – JV_

_Oh, who’s this strange man messaging me? – EV_

_I’m sorry. It’s been a rough few weeks – JV_

_David told me. Are you holding up okay? – EV_

James’ felt all the emotions he had stifled all week come to the surface. It almost took him by surprise when he heard the sob rip from his own throat.

_No – JV_

_I’m sorry, Jimmy. I wish there was something I could do -EV_

_I want him back – JV_

_He’ll be back. It would take more than space bugs to keep him from you – EV_

James heard the elevator and glanced up to see Steve walking in, a look of concern across his face, “EDI called me.”

James just shook his head, unable to speak, wiping the tears from his face.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Steve wrapped his arms around James, letting him hide his face in Steve’s neck.

James wasn’t sure how long Steve held him as he cried. Steve didn’t seem in a rush to move him though and didn’t bother telling James that it was all okay. They both knew it wasn’t.

Once James felt like he could hold it together he sat up, wiping his face, “sorry.”

“For what?” Steve took James’ hand and gave it a squeeze, “if anyone understands what it’s like to be away from their partner, it’s me.”

“It seems ridiculous,” James sniffed, “so far as we know John is still…”

“Alive?” Steve supplied, “I know. That doesn’t make this any easier. This isn’t a trip to Florida to relax. He’s on a dangerous mission.”

“How did you handle it?”

“What, with Robert? I didn’t. Not really. It wasn’t until Shepard encouraged me to get out there again that I even realized that I had trapped myself in a never-ending cycle of pain.” Steve laid down, pulling James down with him.

“I don’t know how I’ll make it through if he doesn’t come back.”

“You will,” Steve reassured, “it’ll be hard, and every minute will hurt, but you’ll do what you have too to get through it.”

The elevator chimed and Kaidan all but ran into the room, “sorry it took me so long, Garrus needed to talk about the guns and you know what he’s like once he starts talking about calibrations. Are you okay?”

“No,” James answered honestly, taking a deep breath to try and stop the fresh batch of tears that sprung to his eyes.

“James,” Kaidan sat next to him on the bed, “he’ll be back before you know it.”

“It was easier when he was messaging us, then I knew he was alright.”

Kaidan pointed to the speaker, “it sounds like he’s alright now. If anything, I think he’s asleep.”

James listened to the steady beat of Shepard’s heart, “yeah, it does.”

“I think that sounds like a fine idea,” Steve closed his eyes, “a family nap is just what a day like today calls for.”

Kaidan stood, undoing and removing James and Steve’s boots dropping them on the floor next to the bed before kicking off his own, “EDI, page us if the crew needs anything.”

“That won’t be required,” EDIs voice overlaid Shepard’s heartbeat, “Garrus has agreed to take any emergency calls not directly related to Commander Shepard.”

“Did you ask him to do that?” James asked.

“Yes,” EDI paused, “I am new at experiencing love, but I believe I would feel similar to you, Commander, should Jeff ever be taken from me. When I asked Officer Vakarian to take any incoming calls, he shared the same sentiment for Tali.”

“Oh,” James looked at EDIs terminal in the corner, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Commander.”

***

The message woke James with a start, jostling the two sleeping men beside him.

_Final push tonight. If this goes as planned I’ll be back tomorrow. Wish me luck – 2870_

_I miss you so much. Please come back – JV_

_As soon as I can. I warn you though, I’ve never smelt this bad in my life. Are the boys taking care of you? – 2870_

_I spent all afternoon crying, they both ditched their posts to come and take care of me – JV_

_Don’t cry, baby. I’ll see you soon – 2870 _

_I did pretty well, I’ve made it all this time before I broke – JV_

_Dad tells me you’re doing great. I’m proud of you. – 2870_

_Come home – JV_

_Soon. I have to go. Love you – 2870_

_Love you too – JV_

_Love you most – 2870_

“See? He’s going to be back soon,” Kaidan curled back around James, “no sweat.”

“Esteban?”

“Yeah, James?”

“Can you help me source a ring?”

Steve smiled at Kaidan, “yeah, I think I can do that.”


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some wounds, blood, medical stuff in this chapter - just a warning.  
Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

It was midnight when James woke up to the sound of Shepard’s heartbeat thundering above him. Kaidan and Steve already awake beside him, staring at the speaker with concerned expressions on their faces.

“He said it was the final push tonight,” James whispered, “he’s probably in active combat.”

“Yeah,” Kaidan breathed out, “probably.”

James, Kaidan, and Steve stayed awake, listing to the roar of Shepard’s heart, after an hour, EDI spoke from the corner.

“I can confirm that Shepard is currently engaged in combat. His vitals do not indicate any injuries.”

“EDI, John didn’t want you using that transmitter for anything but keeping him alive,” James hated to say it, knowing that he wanted to know what was happening with John.

“Shepard has given me permission to update you on his status,” EDIs voice sounded concerned, “I was able to track his location from the messages he has sent. I requested that I be able to update you.”

“EDI, you’re the best.”

“Thank you, Commander.”

Shepard’s heartbeat increased suddenly, and James felt Kaidan jump next to him.

“EDI?”

“Shepard has been hurt,” EDI sounded more upset than James had ever heard her, “running diagnostics.”

“Oh no,” Steve whispered, “please be okay.”

“They are non-critical injuries.”

“Thank god,” Steve wrapped himself tighter around James.

James, Kaidan, and Steve stayed in bed, not speaking until Shepard’s heart started to slow.

“EDI?”

“Shepard is moving away from the combat zone. He is significantly injured, but they are not life-threatening.”

“What kind of injuries?”

“A number of his cybernetics are offline. I am unable to confirm the extent of the injuries sustained.”

“Which cybernetics?”

“Many of those in his face, including this right ocular implant.”

“Shit,” James closed his eyes in a wince, “that’s not going to help his issues with his appearance.”

_Jobs done, we’re extracting in 15 – JS_

_Are you okay? -JV_

_No, took some of an explosion to the face. Dena is patching me up before we leave -JS_

_Should I have Chakwas ready for you when you come back? -JV_

_Yes – JS_

“That’s not good. He hates going to any medical things,” Kaidan frowned, “he must be decently hurt if he want to see Chakwas.”

_Do you have an ETA? -JV_

_As soon as possible. It looks like the Normandy is only a couple hours from me – JS_

_Your dad told me where you are. We’ve kept nearby. Steve’s suggestion – JV_

_I owe him one, I’m exhausted – JS_

_You have your own bed waiting for you tonight – JV_

_I only want it if you and the boys are in it – JS_

_We will be – JV_

_See you soon – JS_

_Love you – JV_

_Love you more – JS_

_Love you most – JV_

“EDI, can you let Dr. Chakwas know which cybernetics are damaged so she can get ready for Shepard?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Can you also send out a message to the crew letting them know that John is on his way back, but he’s not to be disturbed for 48 hours.”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Thank you for all of your help, EDI. I don’t think I would have gotten through these past few weeks without you.”

“You’re welcome, Commander.”

“It’s James, EDI. Don’t go all official on me, it’s weird.”

Steve let out a snort of laughter, and James looked down at him, eventually cluing into what he was laughing about.

“Shut up, Esteban.”

“You sure about that, Commander?”

“Stop it,” James rolled his eyes, giving Steve a real smile for the first time in weeks.

“John will be so proud,” Kaidan joked, “you’ve even got his lines down.”

“Yeah well, you can tell him all about it later.”

***

“Shuttle inbound, Commander,” Joker’s voice came over the speaker of the kitchen.

“Thanks, Joker,” James waved for Kaidan and Steve to follow him as he made his way to the shuttle bay, “I’m so excited.”

“Be gentle,” Kaidan reminded him, “we know he at least has broken ribs and a big injury to his face. Try not to throw yourself at him.”

“I’ll be good,” James jogged into the shuttle bay, Kaidan and Steve right behind him.

The N7 shuttle was already parked, the side door open with Dena pulling out Shepard’s equipment.

“Your men are here, John,” Dena called over her shoulder, “get up so we can get you to the doctor.”

“Easy for you to say. You didn’t take the tail end of the grenade to the face,” Shepard almost stumbled out of the shuttle, catching himself last minute.

“You wouldn’t have either if you didn’t insist on being the big fucking hero all the time. Idiot.”

“Yeah well, it was my face our you dead, bitch, so deal with it.”

“I know,” Dena dropped the last of the gun cases down on the ground, “but your boyfriend is going to be pretty pissed.”

“Which one?” Shepard turned to James, and he could see a large bandage taking up half of his face, held to the skin by dried blood.

“From where I’m standing you’re the best-looking thing I’ve seen all week,” James reached for Shepard who walked with a significant limp over to him.

“You might not want to hug me, I stink.”

“Shut up, Loco,” James carefully wrapped his arms around Shepard, “I’m so glad you’re back.”

“Me too,” Shepard winced, “I need to see Chakwas.”

“She’s ready for you,” Kaidan spoke from behind James, “it’s very good to see you, John.”

“You too, K. Where’s Steve?”

“Here,” Steve stepped out from behind Kaidan, tears streaming down his face.

“Esteban?”

“Sorry,” Steve laughed, wiping his face, “I’ve held it together this long.”

“It’s okay,” Shepard smiled at Steve, “I’m back. No more N7 missions.”

“I know,” Steve put a hand on Shepard’s chest, “I’m so relieved.”

“Okay, doctor time,” James watched as Shepard swayed, “Dena, come have a shower and get something to eat.”

“Is that a command order?”

“Yes, it is,” James took Shepard’s arm over his shoulder, helping to support his weight, “I want you here for a couple days. You need to recover too.”

“Alright, thanks, James.”

“EDI,” James called as they walked into the elevator.

“Commander override accepted.”

“I don’t know what I would have done without her this week,” James glanced up at Shepard who had his eyes tight with pain, “she’s amazing.”

“She is,” Shepard agreed, “I need pain meds like yesterday.”

“Almost there, Loco,” James let Kaidan leave the elevator ahead of him, waiting for a minute before leading Shepard to the med bay, finding the kitchen empty, “thank you, Major.”

“John!” Dr. Chakwas rushed over to him, “what have you gotten yourself in too this time?”

“Wiped out my old gang, saving hostages, you know, the usual.”

“Lay down,” Dr. Chakwas directed him to a bed, “James, I trust you can get him undressed? EDI, I will need your assistance.”

“No problem,” James picked up a pair of scissors and started cutting away Shepard’s shirt, revealing a massive amount of bruising across his stomach and ribs, “this doesn’t look like broken ribs, Loco.”

“It hurts whatever it is,” Shepard watched as James cut up the leg of his pants, “where are the boys?”

“Kaidan is keeping the kitchen clear, Steve is collecting himself by the door. Esteban, can you close the shutters?”

“Sure,” Steve pressed a button and the window shutters closed with a click.

James gently pulled the cut cloth from Shepard’s body, covering him with a blanket as he started to shiver.

“I was hoping it would be more romantic when I got back.”

“I don’t care, I’m just glad you’re back,” James watched Dr. Chakwas pull up her Omni-tool and scanning Shepard with a frown, “surgery, doc?”

“Absolutely,” Dr. Chakwas frowned, “I’m glad we keep a spare of all of your parts, Shepard. You’ve done a number on them.”

“I know, everything hurts,” Shepard winced as Dr. Chakwas started undoing the wrapping around his face, “you may not want to see this, baby.”

“You’ve been missing for two weeks. I’m not leaving until the good doctor makes me,” James watched as a large cut appeared tracing the line of Shepard’s jaw, still open and bleeding.

“I’m sorry,” Steve looked pale, “I’m awful with blood.”

“It’s alright, go hang out with Kaidan and I’ll find you after.”

Steve nodded and sprinted from the room, headed toward the men's washroom.

“Oh dear, John.”

Shepard’s eyelid was torn open, what used to be his eye sitting cracked in the socket, the normal blue extinguished to a deep black.

“Yeah, would you believe I can still see out of it?”

“Impressive, ah, here’s EDI.”

“Hello, Commander.”

“Hi EDI,” Shepard didn’t turn to look at her, “I hear you’ve been a big help for the past few weeks.”

“Within the confines of what we discussed,” EDI grabbed the oxygen mask and carefully placed it over Shepard’s face.

“I wouldn’t doubt you for a minute,” Shepard started to relax as the anesthesia hit him.

“I’m sorry, James. This will take some time and I can’t risk the cross-contamination.”

“It’s okay,” James pressed a kiss to Shepard’s forehead, “I’ll be back as soon as you’re done.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

***

“EDI, any idea how much longer?” Kaidan asked as he paced the kitchen.

“We’re starting to close the wounds, but it may take some time.”

“I’m going to go and try and call Anderson, let him know that John is back,” James stood with a stretch, “can you page me as soon as we can see him?”

“Of course,” Kaidan nodded, “I’m sure he’s going to be out of it for a while.”

James made his way to the coms-room, pressing the dial out for Anderson. It took two attempts, but eventually, he answered.

“Commander,” Anderson looked concerned, “everything alright?”

“I wanted to let you know that John was back. He’s in surgery now.”

“Surgery?”

“He looks like he has some broken ribs, he took a grenade to the face and broke one of his eyes and cut up his eyelid pretty bad. Dr. Chakwas is busy putting him back together and fixing all of the broken cybernetics.”

“Thank you for letting me know, John hadn’t checked in yet. We were starting to get worried. How’s Dena?”

“I sent her to shower and eat, I’ve found her a room for a couple of days to recover.”

“Appreciate that, Commander.”

“We need Spike’s real name, we wanted to get him up on the memorial wall. “

“Justin Smith.”

“Really?” James chuckled, “how did he end up being Spike?”

“When he signed up for N7 he used to insist on spiking his hair. Dena used to joke it was so hard he could use it as a weapon. Shepard started calling him Spike and that was the end of it.”

“David,” James considered for a moment, deciding how to approach the topic, “I know that Shepard has said he wants to wait until all of this is done before we get married, but I’ve asked Esteban to help me find a ring.”

“Are you asking me for Shepard’s hand?”

“If I was, would you say yes?”

“Absolutely.”

**

Dr. Chakwas walked from the med bay and sat down next to Steve, exhausted, “where did James and Kaidan get off too?”

“Kaidan is getting Dena settled, James is talking to Anderson to let him know that Shepard is okay.”

“He’s asking for _his boys_. I’ve replaced all of his cybernetics, but I can’t turn them on all at once. We will have to gradually power them up over a few days. His eye is changed, but off. His broken rib punctured one of his lungs, I’ve placed a new one in his chest, but it hasn’t been inflated yet.”

“You gave him…a new lung?”

“Yes, his lungs are made by Cerberus,” Dr. Chakwas waved over her shoulder, “go see him. He’s been through enough this week. He shouldn’t be alone. He’s not bleeding everywhere anymore.”

Steve made his way to the med bay, pausing as the door slid open in front of him.

“You going to come in, Steve?”

“How are you feeling?” Steve asked, still standing by the door.

“Lonely, because you’re all the way over there and I’ve not had a minute to talk to you.”

Steve cautiously walked over to the bed and found that true to Dr. Chakwas' word, most of the wounds had been covered by clean white bandages.

“Are you going to stay, or is this too much for you?” Shepard waved over his face, “it’s okay if it is. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’ll stay,” Steve grabbed a chair and wheeled it over to the side of Shepard’s bed, sitting on his left side.

“I owe you an apology.”

“For what?”

“I messaged James, I messaged Kaidan, and I never messaged you. I meant too, but every time I sat down to do it, I would end up getting shot at or the Reapers would move in.”

“Oh,” Steve reached out and took Shepard’s hand, “it’s alright. I wasn’t upset.”

“Still, I need you to know that I _wanted_ too. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Steve watched as Shepard tried to take a deep breath, only one side of his chest properly inflating, “are you alright?”

“I have to admit, this is up there as some of the most hurt I’ve been. I’d rather be shot.”

“You don’t look the best.”

“Gee, thanks,” Shepard tried for a smile, “thank you for taking care of James. I felt awful when he said he had spent the day in tears.”

“Kaidan had sent him for a nap because he was snapping at everyone. EDI called me because he was crying alone upstairs,” Steve frowned, reflective, “I spent a lot of time crying alone about Robert. Until you came around.”

“No one should have to go through that alone,” Shepard shifted with a groan.

“What are you trying to do?” Steve stood, “let me help.”

“Move over, so you can get in here with me,” Shepard managed to shift to his right a few inches, leaving a big enough space to fit Steve, “come here.”

“I don’t know,” Steve took in the bruising taking up most of Shepard’s side.

“Steve,” Shepard’s good eye met Steve’s, “please. I’ve had three boyfriends with me all the time for almost two months. It’s been awful being alone.”

Steve kicked off his boots and carefully dropped himself onto the bed next to Shepard, “if Dr. Chakwas yells at me…”

“I’ll take the fall,” Shepard promised, “I didn’t get much sleep over those few weeks anyway, but I don’t want to be without you guys a second longer than I have too.”

“We couldn’t sleep without the sound of your heart playing over the speaker,” Steve watched as Shepard’s eyes started to close, “we had it running all day every day while you were gone.”

“What’s so special about my heart?”

“James says it has a whirr to it. Something that Kaidan and I don’t have. I guess it’s your cybernetics? Either way, he wasn’t sleeping without it.”

“I love him so much,” Shepard yawned.

“He loves you too.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Do you love me?”

“Of course I do,” Steve cautiously moved his face closer to Shepard’s on the pillow, “I was really scared I was going to be widowed twice before 40.”

“No chance I’ll be taken out by something as simple as a human, Lieutenant,” Shepard started to drop off to sleep, “and I love you too.”

***

James walked in to find Shepard sound asleep, Steve, lying tense beside him.

“He made you get into bed?”

Steve gave a slight nod and whispered, “he’s in so much pain, I’m scared to move.”

“Dr. Chakwas assured me that she gave him enough pain meds to, and I quote, “down a grown Krogan”. He shouldn’t feel any pain for about three hours.” James kicked off his boots at the door and quietly walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge near Steve’s feet.

“Want me to get up?”

“No,” James looked over Shepard’s sleeping form, “I’m happy to just look at him.”

“Baby?” Shepard mumbled, still mostly asleep, “is that you?”

“Yeah, Loco, I’m here.”

“This is not the romantic homecoming I was hoping for,” Shepard tried to shift and let out a yelp.

“Easy, John, stay still. You’re not going to fit all three of us in the bed with you. Steve is the best choice.”

Shepard frowned, trying to take deep breaths to offset the pain, “I feel like I’m suffocating.”

“You only have one working lung,” James tried to sooth Shepard with a cautious hand on his leg, “you’re okay.”

Shepard’s frown deepened.

“Listen to me Loco, you’re okay. Steve and I are here. You’re not suffocating,” James looked around and found the oxygen mask Dr. Chakwas had told him about, carefully pulling it over Shepard’s face, “slow your breathing down, it won’t hurt as much and you’ll feel like you’re getting more air.”

Shepard reached out and grabbed James' hand, and James noticed that two of his fingers were bright silver, “I want out of this med bay and back in our room. This feels like waking up at Cerberus all over again.”

“I know, Loco. I have the Major working on Dr. Chakwas right now.”

Shepard focused on his breathing, taking slow shallow breaths as James had instructed, “there is _no_ way that she is going to let me out of here after that surgery.”

“Honestly, Commander, you would think I don’t have a heart,” Dr. Chakwas walked into the room with Kaidan following behind her. Taking in the mask she frowned, “having trouble breathing?”

“Panicking. I suffocated in space, remember? This feels _very_ familiar.”

“We will activate the new lung first thing; I need to make sure your body doesn’t try to reject the new implants first. I’m sorry, Shepard, I imagine this must be awful for you.”

“Being without these three for two weeks was worse. Please say I can go upstairs.”

“I have some conditions,” Dr. Chakwas crossed her arms over her chest, “firm conditions.”

“Let’s hear them, Dr. C.”

“One of you needs to be awake for the entire night. Take shifts, that’s fine, but I want someone keeping an eye on him. _Anything_ unusual and I’m called immediately.”

“Fine,” Steve agreed, “I can stay up all night.”

“I’ll be coming up every three hours, so I’ll need full access. I don’t want to walk into any funny business. Shepard isn’t going to be good for that kind of activity until both of his lungs are working and his rib is healed.”

“I couldn’t get it up right now with how stoned I am, anyway, Karin.”

“You will be back down here tomorrow morning at 0600 for a check-up.”

“Okay.”

“Oxygen mask is going upstairs with you.”

“No problem.”

“I want access to EDIs transmitter while you’re up there, to monitor your vitals.”

There was a pause at that one before a muttered “fine.”

Dr. Chakwas pinched the bridge of her nose, “this goes against everything I’m taught.”

“I can make it a command order if you want,” Shepard offered, “or Kaidan can pull his Spectre status.”

“That won’t be needed,” Dr. Chakwas gathered a mobile oxygen tank and wheeled it to Kaidan, “I want the supplies upstairs _before_ Shepard is. He’s going up in a wheelchair.”

“Can I eat, at some point?”

“Not today, I’m afraid.”

“Ugh,” Shepard scowled, “I’ve only had nutrient paste for two weeks. I’m starving.”

“I know, but you have a lot of medication in your system. If you eat now, you’ll likely bring it back up.”

“Tomorrow?”

“If the lung inflates properly.”

Kaidan took the oxygen tank and looked around, “anything else?”

“No, I’ll bring up his medication when I come up.”

“Alright, give me two minutes and I’ll come back to help get him out of bed.”

“K, bring me something in the way of clothes?”

“Sure,” Kaidan walked from the medbay.

“Feeling better?”

Shepard looked at James, “I’m about to be in bed with you for the first time in two weeks. I’m feeling much better.”

“In bed, _to sleep_.” Dr. Chakwas clarified, “_only sleep_.”

“I know,” Shepard tried for a small smile which came across as a wince, “I’ve missed these boys so much.”

“They’ve missed you too, Commander, I assure you.”

**

Getting Shepard into the wheelchair had been a process. Shepard all but sobbing as Kaidan and James had gently lowered him into the seat, Shepard forcing himself to grip and bend the armrests of the chair rather than hurt the two men.

“Give me a second,” Shepard gasped, “fuck.”

“Maybe you should stay here, Commander.”

“He won’t sleep down here. He needs to be upstairs with us.” Steve, kneeled in front of Shepard, “it’s not a race, John, slow and steady.”

Shepard nodded, slowly bringing himself to sitting upright, “as long as I don’t breathe, or move I’m okay.”

“Let me know when you’re ready to move,” James took the handles of the chair, “we’ll take it really slow.”

“Is anyone out there?”

“No, I cleared them out when I came down, told him you had surgery and wanted some privacy. They’ve headed to the observation lounge until I call them out.”

“Thanks, K. Alright baby, easy does it.”

James carefully pushed the chair forward, making his way to the elevator which opened as soon as he approached, “thanks, EDI.”

“You’re welcome.”

The elevator went straight to the top floor, slowing and stopping much more gently than it usually did.

“I’m not sure how I’m going to manage the steps.”

“You may want to try walking them,” Dr. Chakwas took in the room, “with Kaidan and James on either side.”

“That involves both moving and breathing.”

“It does, but you were the one that insisted on sleeping upstairs instead of down in the med bay.”

Shepard rolled his eye, “baby, hold the chair still, I’m going to try and stand up on my own. If you two grab me, it’s going to hurt.”

“Kaidan, stand in front of him please, in case he falls.”

Kaidan moved in front of Shepard, “you know he weighs 275lbs right? If he falls, I’m not catching him.”

“I think I’ve probably lost a few pounds,” Shepard steeled himself as he stood, and James could tell he was right, Shepard’s bottom ribs far more visible than they had been when he left.

“Slowly, Commander. Steve, can you pull back the blankets, he isn’t going to want to move again once he’s in there. Try and go for the right side of the bed, Shepard, then none of them will accidentally hit your ribs.”

Shepard slowly, and with a lot of determination, made it down the two steps and onto the bed with a pained groan.

“Your stubbornness never ceases to amaze me, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas pulled the oxygen mask over Shepard’s face and brought the covers up to his hips, “are you feeling alright?”

“After two weeks of sleeping in warehouses for 20 minutes at a time? This is practically a spa.”

“And now he’s making jokes,” Dr. Chakwas gave Shepard’s good shoulder a gentle squeeze, “I’m just a call away. If you have any concerns.”

“We’ll call you,” Kaidan assured, “promise.”

“I’ll be back in a few hours with more pain meds. Try to sleep.”

James sat with Shepard as Kaidan walked Dr. Chakwas out, “glad to be home?”

Shepard nodded, “I’ve missed you like crazy.”

“We missed you more.”

“I don’t know about that, James,” Steve pulled off his shirt, “we had each other. Shepard was alone.”


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be going through some of the old chapters and fixing some errors that I've found. 
> 
> But here is a shiny new one for you .
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“You should get some sleep,” Steve whispered, as to not wake Kaidan and James who were curled up as close as they could get to Shepard without touching him.

“I’m in too much pain,” Shepard whispered back, “and I’ve been waiting to see you for two weeks. I can sleep later.”

Steve shifted his chair closer to Shepard, taking his hand, “did you want me to call Dr. Chakwas?”

“No, it's alright, she’ll be back up soon anyway.”

“It was hard, not having you here,” Steve gave a small smile as James snored, “I don’t think he’s slept properly since you were gone.”

“I know the feeling. I’m so used to waking up with one or more of you on top of me in the morning I couldn’t settle. Day nine I asked Dena to cuddle with me so I could sleep. She punched me.”

Steve laughed, just loud enough to wake James, “is it my turn to watch him?”

“No, I’m fine, John was just being funny.”

“I wasn’t joking. She hits hard.”

Steve snorted again, “apparently our boyfriend was trying to cuddle with _girls_ while he was away.”

“It’s Dena. She doesn’t count.”

“How’re you feeling, Loco?”

“Glad to be home.”

There was a chime and a gentle knock on the cabin door before it slid open and Dr. Chakwas stepped in, “checking in.”

“Hey, Karin,” Shepard kept his voice low to not wake Kaidan.

“How are you feeling Commander?”

“Rough, but more awake now the anesthesia has worn off.”

“Pain on a scale from one to ten?”

Shepard held still as Dr. Chakwas scanned him, “I’m a solid 9.”

“Oh dear, let's try and help that shall we?” Dr. Chakwas pulled out a syringe and carefully pressed it into the IV port she had left in his arm from the surgery, “I can’t give you a lot, only some of your cybernetics are running and you might have a reaction if we overdo it.”

“Whatever you think is best.”

“You must be in pain, you’re never this agreeable.”

Shepard gave a tight smile.

“It should take the edge off enough for you to sleep, and please, Commander, do try to sleep.”

“Oh, I’m trying, Karin. I’ve been awake for almost two weeks.”

“You’ll find it easier to sleep if you stop admiring your men,” Dr. Chakwas joked, “even if one of them is asleep.

“I’ve wanted nothing more than to see them for two weeks, I can spend a few hours looking at them.”

“I knew you’d be a softy when you found love.”

“Mmhmm,” Shepard fought the urge to close his eyes as the pain started to fade.

“I’ll be back in a few hours. Sleep, Commander. It will do you all good.”

“I’ll stay up with him,” James crawled out of the bed, “get some sleep, Esteban.”

Dr. Chakwas quietly gathered her supplies as she left.

Steve moved into the space that James had left, leaving almost a foot between him and Shepard.

“You can touch me, Steve,” Shepard reached his hand out which Steve immediately took, wrapping himself around Shepard’s arm.

“Loco, you need to sleep,” James carefully brushed the hair away from the bandage on Shepard’s face.

“Okay, baby,” Shepard closed his eyes and finally drifted off to sleep.

***

Shepard managed two hours of sleep before the shortness of breath woke him, glancing up for the oxygen mask.

“I got you,” James pulled the mask over his face, “you got a few hours there, I’m impressed.”

Shepard took a strained breath and gave a thumbs up.

“I hate when you’re hurt.”

“I’m not liking this very much, either. I think it would be easier if I could breathe.”

“I’ll ask Dr. C when she comes up if we can get you inflated earlier.”

“You make me sound like a balloon.”

“I keep filling you with air, you kind of are.”

Shepard started to chuckle before jolting in pain, “no jokes. It hurts.”

“Sorry, baby,” James took Shepard’s hand, the one not completely covered by Steve, “so what’s the deal with the silver fingers?”

“I lost two of my fingers in the explosion that took my eye. Dr. Chakwas replaced them but hasn’t turned on the cloaking yet.”

“Oh,” James gently turned his hand over, looking at how the silver and skin met, “what else do you have that looks like this when cloaking is off?”

“My entire other hand, my left leg,” Shepard thought for a minute, “I don’t know. I never turn it off. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Dena’s arm looks pretty cool.”

“It suits her though. She’s interesting enough to pull it off.”

“So are you,” James glanced at Steve and Kaidan, both sound asleep on the other side of the bed, “they’re exhausted. Poor guys have been keeping me going all week. I didn’t eat unless they fed me. I didn’t sleep well. I owe them a nice dinner next time we have shore leave.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s what boyfriends do for each other, James. I’m sure they didn’t mind.”

“I was a total ass the last few days before you came back,” James frowned, “They were just as upset as I was, and I didn’t do anything to help them.”

“You’re telling me that you didn’t spend all that time while I was away topping them both?” Shepard tried for a joke.

“I didn’t even _kiss_ them until the day before you came back.”

“What, really?”

“Yeah. I neglected them.”

“It’s okay, James, neither of them seem upset.”

Dr. Chakwas stepped into the room with a frown, “Commander, this isn’t sleeping.”

“I’m trying, but the lung is making it hard.”

“I’m going to give you some sleeping medication with this round of pain meds, and yes, Commander I know you don’t like them, but I need you to _sleep_. They aren’t strong.”

“Okay,” Shepard felt the room spin around him as Dr. Chakwas withdrew the syringe, “I thought you said these weren’t strong?”

Dr. Chakwas smiled, “goodnight, Commander.”

***

“Looks like he’s waking up.”

“K?”

“Hey, John, how are you feeling?”

Shepard blinked to clear his good eye and looked around the room, Kaidan in the chair next to him, James asleep next to him, Steve missing.

“Where’s Steve?”

“In the shower, your super hearing can’t hear him?”

“I can only hear out of one ear right now,” Shepard waved at the bandage covering his face, “what time is it?”

“Almost time for your doctor's appointment. I was just going to see if Dr. Chakwas wants us to come down or if she can do it up here.”

“I’m so hungry,” Shepard looked toward his coffee maker, “I would kill for some coffee right now.”

“A soon as Karin says you can eat, I’ll make you something, I promise.”

“I need a shower too.”

“Yes, you sure do.”

Shepard shot Kaidan a hurt look and he laughed, holding up his hands defensively, “I’m just saying there is no man in the world that can pull off working out for two weeks and not showering.”

Kaidan’s Omni-tool chimed, and he read the message, “It looks like Karin wants to come up here.”

“Alright. If she can stand the smell.”

“Don’t get defensive, John, you’re still pretty.”

Steve stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his hips, “if you want to talk about pretty, look at your man over there.”

“Good morning John,” Steve pulled some clothes from the dresser, “how are you feeling?”

“Always better for seeing you mostly naked.”

“He’s healing just fine,” Kaidan rolled his eyes and walked over to James, shaking him gently, “wake up, James, the doctor is on her way up.”

“Is John okay?” James bolted upright, shaking the bed and pulling a pained hiss from Shepard.

“Easy,” Kaidan warned, “he’s fine, but Dr. Chakwas wants to keep Shepard upstairs for now.”

“Sorry,” James carefully stood, “you scared me.”

Dr. Chakwas walked in wheeling a cart behind her, “Oh good, you’re all awake. Can two of you strapping young men carefully carry this cart down to the bed? Commander, how are you feeling?”

“Like my doctor gave me the heavy stuff when she said she was going to give me the light stuff.”

“Doctors know best, Shepard. Are you ready to take a deep breath again?”

“Very ready.”

“Alright,” Dr. Chakwas scanned Shepard and nodded, “it doesn’t appear as if your body is going to reject the new cybernetics. We will still cycle them up gradually. Because EDI is integrated with your respiratory system, I’m going to have her activate the new lung. You need to take slow breaths, and when I ask you too, I’ll have you cough a few times. Let me know when you’re ready.”

“When you are.”

“EDI, please activate Shepard’s lung.”

“Activated.”

“Nice slow breaths, Commander.”

Shepard closed his eyes, following Dr. Chakwas' instructions, a slight frown on his face.

“You’re okay, Loco,” James reassured where he stood next to Kaidan, “it’ll be easy to breathe before you know it. Then we can get you fed, showered, and pampered.”

“Alright Commander, cough for me.”

Shepard did, groaning and grasping at this bruised side.

“John,” James crawled on the bed, moving next to Shepard and taking his hand, “you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry, Commander. We need to inflate the bottom of the lung and the best way to do that is coughing, which naturally is painful when you have broken ribs. Once more.”

Shepard braced himself, coughing again with a wince.

“You’re doing so well,” James kissed Shepard’s knuckles, “almost done.”

“Once more, Commander. Try and make it a big cough, you want it to try and cough from down here,” Dr. Chakwas pressed a gentle hand to Shepard’s stomach, “when you’re ready.”

“Shit,” Shepard took a gasping breath, “give me a second.”

“Take your time, EDI, what are your readings?”

“75 percent inflated, no signs of rejection.”

“Okay,” Shepard pulled in a slightly deeper breath, holding it for a minute before coughing as hard as he could manage, curling around himself as the pain rocketed through his side.

“100 percent inflated.”

“Very good, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas waited for Shepard to slowly relax back into the bed before pulling off the oxygen mask, “take a nice deep breath for me.”

Shepard took a slow deep breath, then another, a small smile crossing his face, “better.”

“I’d imagine so. I’m going to wait a few minutes and then we’ll activate the cybernetic implants along your ribs and let it them get to work on your ribs. Do you mind if I change your bandages now or would you like to wait?”

“Give him a second, doc,” James brushed the hair from Shepard’s face, “you okay, Loco?”

Shepard nodded, “I hate broken ribs, they’re so bitchy.”

“That’s an apt description,” Dr. Chakwas laughed, “it’s surprising what hurts when you stand in front of an explosion.”

“Broken ribs happened before the explosion,” Shepard turned to James, “help me sit?”

James offered his hands to Shepard who let James slowly pull him to sitting.

“Esteban, you might want to turn around, or get breakfast.”

“I’m okay once it’s stitched together, it’s the bleeding all over the place thing I don’t like,” Steve looked around the room before taking the two stairs toward the coffee maker, “anyone want coffee?”

Shepard chuckled, “subtle, Lieutenant.”

“Don’t pick on him, John,” Kaidan chastised, “none of us like to see you hurt.”

“I’m the worst boyfriend in the world then, I probably have the biggest medical record on the ship.”

“Without question,” Dr. Chakwas gently pulled the bandage from Shepard’s side, revealing extensive bruising and a four-inch cut just under his ribcage, “I’m going to power these implants on now.”

James saw the lights turn on one by one under Shepard’s skin, “why are they a different color?”

“I’m surprised you noticed, James. Yes, they are different. The original implants were of Cerberus design, these are made by EDI.”

“EDI, why are you designing my implants?”

“I apologize if I overstepped. Knowing that you were uncomfortable with the Cerberus implants, I created new implants for you. I do understand; however, that I am of Cerberus design. Jeff indicated that they are still Cerberus designed, by proxy.”

“That’s…” Shepard tried to find the words, “very considerate, EDI. Thank you. For what it’s worth, I don’t consider you Cerberus. Not really.”

“Thank you, Commander. I engineered these implants to have a reduction in light output. They should only be visible while they are working on repairs.”

“Oh,” Shepard looked down to where the pale white lights poked through the bruising, “I appreciate that.”

“While they work on your ribs, let’s see how this eye is healing. We can likely turn your hearing back on this side as well,” Dr. Chakwas pulled back the bandage, looking at Shepard with a wince, “how does it feel?”

“Better than my ribs, but I’m sure it looks like a horror show.”

Shepard turned his head to let Dr. Chakwas work on the bandage over his ear, looking at Kaidan who struggled to keep his face impassive. Shepard winced and looked away and James shot Kaidan a look.

“Sorry, it just looks really painful. It’s not…”

“Not the fact my eye is black?”

“I’ve seen you turn your eyes off before.”

“Yes, but it’s different when it’s both of them, isn’t it? You can pretend it’s sunglasses or contacts. When it’s only one it’s harder to forget I’m not a real person.”

“Stop it, John,” James cut Shepard off, “you are a real person.”

“This is not something to discuss now, Commander, not after they worried for you for two weeks,” Dr. Chakwas turned on Shepard’s hearing implant, “let’s not try to hurt feelings.”

Shepard looked down at his lap, letting Dr. Chakwas work, uncovering the large cut along Shepard’s jaw, missing the concerned looks the men in the room shared.

“How do your ribs feel now?” Dr. Chakwas asked.

“Better.”

“And your hearing?”

“I can hear Steve’s stomach growling.”

“I think I’m all set,” Dr. Chakwas gathered the old bandages together, “I want you to stay off of your feet for the next few days, but I don’t see any long-term damage. We can turn your eye back on tomorrow.”

“Can you cover it, please.”

“You don-“

“Please,” Shepard glanced up at Dr. Chakwas who gave him a sympathetic smile.

“Of course, I’m sure you want to shower and it won't do well for those cuts to get wet,” Dr. Chakwas made quick work covering Shepard’s eye with a simple eyepatch, “there we are. Any questions?”

“Can I shower?”

“Yes, but make sure someone is within arms reach, you’re going to be lightheaded.”

“Can I eat?”

“Yes, but normal-sized portions for today, not Shepard sized portions.”

“Thank you, Karin.”

Dr. Chakwas pulled Shepard into a gentle hug, “I’m glad you’re safe, Commander.”

Shepard hesitated for a moment before bringing a careful hand up to Dr. Chakwas back.

“Kaidan, Steve, can you help me get my cart back downstairs,” Dr. Chakwas pulled away, “then one of you can make the Commander breakfast.”

“Of course,” Kaidan paused, looking at Shepard who kept his face turned, “any preference, John?”

“No,” Shepard took a breath, “anything is fine.”

“Okay, we’ll be right back.”

Once they had left the room James asked, “what was that about? You’ve been feeling better about the implants lately.”

“Until my boyfriend looks at me like I’m a freakshow,” Shepard sighed, “can you help me shower?”

“Sure, Loco,” James helped Shepard to standing, walking close enough to catch him if he fell, “just rest against the counter and I’ll get the water running.”

James didn’t comment on how Shepard kept his back to the mirror, not turning glancing up once as he kicked off his sweats into the corner of the bathroom.

“Should be good now, Loco. Do you want me to wait out here, or come in with you?”

“Whatever you want,” Shepard stepped under the water and James watched as it ran across the floor the color of rust from the dried blood.

James pulled off his clothes, stepping in behind Shepard, “sorry, Loco, I’m not missing a chance at touching you when you’re naked.”

Shepard glanced at James but didn’t comment, instead passing him the bottle of soap, “can you help?”

“My pleasure,” James took his time running his hands over Shepard, taking in where his ribs stuck just a little further out than they had before he left. A burn on his right shoulder, cut on his left hip, a slight sheen of silver where his leg didn’t properly blend.

Once James got up to Shepard’s jaw he hesitated, “soap is going to hurt in that cut, Loco, let me grab a cloth and we’ll just use water.”

Shepard nodded, waiting patiently for James to grab a small towel before he returned to washing Shepard’s face, wiping away all the dried blood.

“I missed you,” Shepard’s voice was small when he spoke, “I’m sorry I came back like this.”

“I missed you too,” James let his eyes drop to Shepard’s lips, “if I kiss you, am I going to hurt you?”

“Not if you’re gentle.”

James moved slowly, a tentative press of lips with a hand just barely resting on Shepard’s side. James had every intention of keeping the kiss chaste until a small whimper fell from Shepard.

James flicked his tongue against Shepard’s bottom lip and delighted when Shepard opened his mouth, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. James heard himself moan and pressed up tighter against Shepard, wrapping his arm around Shepard’s hand and holding them close.

“Fuck I missed you,” James pulled back and let their foreheads rest together.

“I can tell,” Shepard rocked his hips gently.

“Shut up, not just like that.”

“I know,” Shepard carefully moved James’ hand from his back, “sorry, that hurts a bit.”

“Sorry, Loco,” James took a step back, “I see you naked and I can’t control myself.”

“I look like I was hit by a bomb,” Shepard waved at his face, “I _literally_ was.”

“Look good to me, John.”

Shepard rolled his good eye and waved James off.

“Honestly, John, it’s not that bad, look,” James pointed to the mirror and watched as Shepard seemed to shrink in on himself.

“Please don’t make me. I’m exhausted. I hurt. I missed you like crazy and it’s hard enough to think that Kaidan thinks I look like some kind of robot half-breed. I don’t need to see it. I have enough nightmare fuel for a lifetime.”

“John,” James brought his hand to Shepard’s shoulder.

“Please,” Shepard sighed, “I can’t take it. Don’t make me be strong today, James. I need a break.”

James turned off the water, “stay here.”

James grabbed a towel, quickly drying off and wrapping it around his waist before turning off the lights in the bathroom.

“James?”

“Close your eyes, and trust me,” James took Shepard by the hand and pulled him from the shower, using the towel to dry Shepard by feel while he couldn’t see him, attempting to wrap it around his waist when he was done, “let’s go get you dressed.”

“Why did you turn off the lights?”

“Well,” James chuckled, “I didn’t want you backing out of the shower and falling, so I figured turn off the lights you wouldn’t have to worry about the mirror. Then I remembered that you can see in the dark, so I had you close your eyes. I guess I could have turned the lights back on so I could see what I was doing.”

“You have a heart of gold, James.”

“It’s all yours.”


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James helped Shepard pull on a pair of boxers and had him sit on the couch as he changed the sheets, “I wonder what’s taking the boys so long?”

Shepard shrugged, “not sure. Maybe Kaidan doesn’t want to deal with this.”

“John,” James looked at him as he pulled the blanket over the bed, “he’s been by your side for years. One black eye isn’t going to turn him away.”

“You saw the look on his face.”

“Loco, your face is really cut up. If he cares about you half as much as I do, it is probably _really_ upsetting him to see you hurt. You haven’t seen the damage. Broken implants or not, you look really banged up. It would be upsetting for anyone, never mind your boyfriend.”

“You’re managing just fine.”

“Yeah, well, I fucked up my own face pretty good once or twice too. You’re not riding Steve for not puking yesterday while you were bleeding everywhere. Go easy on the Major.”

Shepard shifted in his seat, “I’ll try.”

“At least don’t assume the worst of him. He’s spent a lot of time apologizing for his mistakes.”

“I know.”

“Holy shit,” Steve opened the door of the room and walked in with a tray in hand, “that crew is worse than the press on the Citadel.”

“No kidding,” Kaidan followed in behind him, “that took way longer than it needed too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Where’s Shepard? Is he okay? When is he working again? Is James still Commander? What was he doing? Can I ask him a question?”

“Upstairs, no, a couple days, until I’m better, killing my entire gang, and no,” Shepard stood slowly and stretched his back.

“Yes, smartass,” Steve rolled his eyes, “I know, but you need to tell _all_ of your thirty-something crew that.”

“Alright,” Shepard slowly took the stairs, sitting in front of his terminal.

“Hey, no working!” James called from where he helped Steve with the plates.

“Only for a minute, shut up for a second,” Shepard turned on the intercom, “hello Normandy crew. At the request of Lieutenant Cortez, I’m providing a brief update on Normandy operations. I am back on the ship and had extensive surgery yesterday. I’m on the mend, but won’t be returning to my position for at least another 48 hours while I heal. For now, James continues as Commander. When I’m feeling up for visitors, I’ll make sure you all know.”

“Well, that works, but I guess it also means that James and I are working today,” Steve sat down on the couch, “Kaidan, I think you’re off.”

“I am. John, come eat.”

Shepard walked over to the couches sitting next to James, the spot, James noted, the furthest from Kaidan.

“What did you make?”

“Good question,” Kaidan looked at the plates, “we’re going to call it a breakfast scramble, I guess. Eggs, bacon, potatoes, peppers from EDIs new growth machines. I kind of just tossed it all in a pan and hoped for the best.”

Shepard nodded, taking a bite of the food, chewing for a minute and letting out a low hum, “it’s good.”

“Glad you enjoy it,” Kaidan gave James a look who shot him a sympathetic smile in return.

Shepard didn’t speak for the rest of breakfast, eating slowly and listening to the other men as they made small talk, trying to break up the silence of the room.

“Well, Loco, as much as I wish I could stay with you, I need to go and move the Normandy before the space bugs eat us, and Steve needs to fix the shuttle that you and Dena were using. Major, are you good to take care of our man for the day?”

“Of course. It’ll be my pleasure.”

“I’ll see you for lunch, okay?” James pressed a gentle kiss to Shepard’s lips, “try and rest.”

“Okay. Love you.”

“Love you too,” James leaned in and whispered in John’s ear, “remember what I said.”

“I’ll see you soon,” Shepard slowly stood with a wince, “Steve, if Dena tells you that shuttle has a booster, she’s lying. It _had _a booster and then Anderson had it taken away. She drives like a crazy person when she has a booster.”

“Noted,” Steve pressed a kiss to Shepard’s forehead and gave a wave, walking with James to the elevator, the door closing behind them.

“So just us,” Kaidan glanced at Shepard, “what did you want to do?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Movie?”

“Sure.”

Shepard walked over to the bed, laying down with a groan.

“How’s the pain?”

“About a five.”

Kaidan pulled his shirt over his head, kicking off his pants and crawling into the bed next to Shepard, making sure that he was close enough to touch Shepard. Kaidan felt himself wince as Shepard shifted away slightly, reaching up to rub at the bandage around his eye.

“Once, when I was about six, my mom left me at home with my dad while she went grocery shopping. Normally she took me with her because my dad has always been the type of person to get into trouble when she left him alone.”

Shepard glanced at Kaidan, “okay?”

“My dad decides that while mom is out, he’s going to prune the tree in the front yard because she’s been asking him to do it for about a year, and it would be a nice surprise. He has me sit on the porch as he gets the ladder ready and the saw. I’m excited because I’ve never seen my dad use the chainsaw before, so I do what I’m told and sit where he put me.”

“Anyway, he cuts the first branch, and it lands on the ground with this huge crash and I think it’s the best thing ever. I clap, dad smiles, and he cuts another one. This one gets stuck in the tree, so he tugs on it a bit and suddenly it gives way, swings right at him, smacks him in the face and knocks him about ten feet from the ladder.”

“Not good.”

“No, not good,” Kaidan continued, “he knocked himself out cold. I ran over to him, and there was just blood _everywhere_. I panicked and called my mom with his Omni-tool. By the time she got home, he was sitting up but still bleeding everywhere. The branch had hit him in the eye and split his eyebrow open. My mom told me that around the eye bleeds a lot, but it’s still one of the scariest memories I have from when I was a kid.”

Shepard turned his head slightly to look at Kaidan.

“That’s all it was, John. I saw your eye this morning and remembered my dad falling off of the ladder. It has nothing to do with the fact that it’s black, or the implant, or anything like that. I promise.”

Shepard rolled slowly onto his side to look at Kaidan, flinching slightly as Kaidan brought a hand up to the edge of the bandage.

“Did you really want this on, or did you not want me to see your eye? Honestly.”

“I didn’t want you to see my eye.”

“Can I take it off?”

“If you want too.”

Kaidan carefully lifted the side of the bandage, taking his time to pull it away from the cut skin without opening the wounds. It took a minute, but eventually, Kaidan managed to get the bandage free, “there you go.”

Shepard blinked a few times before looking at Kaidan, the solid black eye a harsh contrast to the light blue of the other.

“Can you see out of it?”

“No, not yet.”

“Does it hurt?”

“My eyelid stings a bit. I feel like I have some stitches in it.”

“You do,” Kaidan counted, “about 15 tiny ones.”

“I don’t like feeling like a monster.”

“You’re not a monster, John,” Kaidan moved closer to Shepard, “I’m sorry if I made you feel like one.”

“I’m sorry I overreacted.”

“It’s been a hard couple of weeks, so let’s just chalk it up to lack of sleep for all of us.”

“Okay,” Shepard cupped Kaidan’s face, “I missed you. Thank you for taking care of James for me.”

“I missed you, too,” Kaidan closed the distance between them, kissing Shepard carefully.

Shepard ran his hand down Kaidan’s side, pressing their hips together with a hiss, “I really wish I was allowed to have sex.”

Kaidan chuckled, “Dr. Chakwas said you only had to take it easy while your ribs were healing. Shouldn’t take long with the new implants, right?”

“EDI? How much longer until my rib is good?”

“Approximately 12 hours.”

“Fuck.”

“These implants have reduced your healing time by 25% from the prior version.”

“I still want to get laid, EDI. 12 hours is 12 hours.”

“Your sex drive returning to normal indicates that you are healing well.”

Shepard sighed and rolled on his back, “Yeah, probably.”

“EDI, is it all sexual activity or just sex?”

“I am unsure. I could inquire with Dr. Chakwas if you like?”

“No, that’s okay, I’ll ask,” Kaidan pulled out his Omni-tool.

“You are not messaging Karin to ask her if I can get off because I’m horny, Kaidan. No. That poor woman doesn’t need to think that I can’t last three days without sex.”

“It’s been two weeks, you’re only in your 30s. It’s reasonable.”

“Kaidan…”

“John…” Kaidan typed out a quick message, and Shepard frowned at him.

“James might want to call dibs anyway, K.”

“I can always ask him too.”

“Do you want me to die of embarrassment, is this the plan here?”

“Why don’t you just relax and let me handle this.”

Shepard elected to go through his Omni-tool, finding a documentary and turning on the screen at the end of the bed as Kaidan started sending messages back and forth, ignoring him in favour of his new project.

_Dr. Chakwas – are the rules no sex-like activities at all, or just actual sex? – KA_

_Really, Major? – KC_

_He’s been alone for two weeks, Karin. He deserves some comfort. – KA_

_He’s a grown man. He can manage a few more days – KC_

_Without sex, sure, but what about other stuff – KA_

_Major. Really? – KC_

_Yes, really – KA_

_You’re telling me a man who just blew up half his face can’t wait for another few days – KC_

_Garrus told me he went back to work as soon as he could stand when he blew up his face – KA_

_You’re not going to drop this, are you? - KC_

_I might, but Shepard has two other boys who might ask you -KA_

_No vigorous movement. No impact on his ribs. – KC_

_So as long as we’re careful, he should be fine – KA_

_He’s like my son, Major. Can we be finished with this conversation now? – KC_

_Thanks, Karin – KA_

Kaidan glanced over to Shepard and found that he had fallen asleep, mouth open as he took slow even breaths.

_James got a minute? -KA_

_Everything alright? -JV_

_After much prodding I found out that Shepard can get off, just no sex – KA_

_Right on, and you want to play? – JV_

_He’s asleep right now, but he mentioned that you might want to call dibs – KA_

_He’s not wrong – JV_

_Fair enough. I’ll leave it. – KA_

_That’s not to say you couldn’t tease him a little until I get there…-JV_

_That’s cruel, James. He hasn’t had anyone touching him for weeks – KA_

_Neither have we – JV_

_That’s true -KA_

_I’ll see you boys at lunch – JV_

***

Shepard woke up as the final credits from the documentary rolled across the screen, “well. Learned a lot from that.”

“You needed the rest,” Kaidan put down the datapad he was reading, “did you need something?”

“To pee,” Shepard sat up slowly and stood with a stretch, “I like these new implants, they seem to do a lot better at managing the pain.”

“Thank you,” EDI spoke from her terminal in the corner.

“Anything else you’ve designed I should know about?”

“A few things. We can discuss them when you’re well.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Shepard shut the bathroom door behind him, and Kaidan noticed he didn’t turn the light on.

_He’s awake, how long until lunch? – KA_

_About an hour. How does he seem? – JV_

_Good. But he didn’t turn the lights on in the bathroom when he walked in – KA_

_Yeah, I think that might be a thing until his eye is on. Keep him distracted. – JV_

Shepard walked from the bathroom and flicked on the coffee maker, “coffee?”

“Please, but come sit down while it brews. You’re meant to be off of your feet.”

Shepard sat on the edge of the bed, checking his messages. Kaidan crawled up behind him, kissing the back of his neck, “you’re not meant to be working either.”

“You planning on nagging me to death today?”

“I can think of other things to do,” Kaidan dropped his voice, trailing kisses over Shepard’s neck.

“I like the way you think, but the good doctor said…”

“No pressure on your ribs, no crazy movements. Lay down on the bed, John.”

“James?”

“Will be up here to join in about an hour.”

“What makes you think I can last for an hour?”

“Let me worry about that, lay down and let me touch you.”

Shepard moved back on the bed, laying back against the pillows, “I can’t do much, K. I missed you all like crazy, but I’m still really hurt.”

“I know, don’t worry,” Kaidan crawled up the bed, sitting next to Shepard, “I kind of hate to say it, but do you think you’ll have a scar from that cut on your jaw?”

“I don’t know why?”

“It almost matches your old one.”

“Does it?” Shepard brought a tentative hand up to trace the line, “yeah, I guess it kinda does. I can probably leave it to heal on its own if you want it around.”

“I thought you might like it back.”

“Maybe.”

“You’re lucky that your tattoo wasn’t too damaged,” Kaidan carefully ran his fingers under the incision on Shepard’s stomach, “Dr. Chakwas lined it back up nicely.”

Shepard watched Kaidan’s fingers slide across his skin, moving back and forth, progressively moving lower until he was tracing the waistband of his boxers. Shepard thought about arguing, instead deciding to close his eyes and relax.

“Have you ever just let someone spoil you? Or do you always insist on getting the other person off?”

“I always at least offer.”

“You’re good about going along with whatever Steve, James, and I want, but what do _you_ want?”

“To keep you all.”

“Happy?”

Shepard opened his eyes and looked at Kaidan, “in general.”

“Do you have any fantasies that we haven’t done?” Kaidan moved to sit between Shepard’s legs, letting him position his legs, so he was comfortable.

“A few.”

“Will you tell me?” Kaidan rubbed the muscles in Shepard’s thighs, gradually working his way toward Shepard’s cock, which was twitching with interest.

“No,” Shepard gave a smile and closed his eyes again.

“Why not?”

“I’m shy.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“I’m shy about that kind of stuff.”

“Liar,” Kaidan palmed Shepard’s cock through his boxers, “please?”

“You’re a smart boy, Major. Give it a guess.”

Kaidan considered for a minute, “I know you want people to want you.”

“That’s right,” Shepard sucked in a sharp breath as Kaidan’s thumb brushed over the head of his cock, then promptly winced.

“Easy, John.”

Shepard forced his breathing to even out, taking slow breaths as Kaidan teased him, “what did James say?”

“He wants to be the one that gets you off.”

“So, why are you doing this?”

“Because I want too,” Kaidan watched Shepard fight the urge to roll his hips, “because he wants me too. Relax, let me enjoy this.”

Kaidan continued to tease Shepard slowly, alternating between massaging the spots on Shepard which weren’t covered in bruises, stroking Shepard through his boxers, and kissing across his chest.

“I have an idea for a night for you,” Kaidan pressed an open-mouthed kiss to Shepard’s cock through his boxers, “do you want me to tell you about it, or do you want me to plan it with the boys?”

“Just plan it.”

“You trust me?”

“You know, I do.”

Shepard’s eyes shot open as James and Steve walked in, James chuckling under his breath, “having fun, Loco?”

“Thank god you’re here. I know you wanted to get me off before anyone else, by any issues with me teaching Kaidan a lesson for an hour of torture?”

“Nope.”

Kaidan let out a started yell as he found his body encased in a biotic field, “John, stop.”

“Oh no, Major,” Shepard winked at James as he turned Kaidan mid-air and slowly lowered him to the bed next to him, “Doctor says no sudden movements.”

“She told you to take it easy.”

“Biotics _are_ easy. Lieutenant, get over here and torture your man for a bit. He can’t go anywhere. James, babe, you better finish what you started.”

“Did you want lunch first, Loco?”

“James, I will fuck myself on Kaidan’s cock if you don’t get over here and make me cum.”

“I want to watch that,” Steve undressed next to the bed before quickly moving to settle over top of Kaidan, “but right now, I just want to cum.”

James stripped on his way to Shepard, kneeling cautiously next to him, “how are you feeling?”

“Like I could hammer a fucking nail into the wall with my dick.”

“No, foreplay?”

“James, you planned a damn hour of foreplay.”

“Okay, point taken,” James helped Shepard with his boxers, pulling them down Shepard’s legs before dropping them off the edge of the bed, “blow job, okay?”

“I don’t care what you do, just _please_ do something and try not to hit my ribs.”

James didn’t tease him, immediately taking Shepard’s cock into this mouth with a moan.

“_Yes,_” Shepard dropped his head back against the pillow and brought this hand to the back of James’ head.

“I hate to disturb your reunion, Commander, but can you flip Kaidan for me?” Shepard gave a nod and flipped Kaidan onto his stomach, Steve moaning at the sight, “your biotics are turning into a fetish for me.”

“Torture him, Steve. That asshole has been driving me crazy,” Shepard encouraged James to pick up the speed with a gentle push on his head, “I’m sorry, baby, normally I’d be patient, but I need to cum _so bad_.”

James tapped on Shepard’s hand and gave him a thumbs up.

“You want me to control the speed?”

“Mmhmm.”

Shepard whimpered, pushing James to move faster while forcing his hips to stay still, glancing over to watch as Steve sank into Kaidan, both moaning at the sensation.

“Fuck, James, I’m close.”

James doubled his efforts, taking more of Shepard’s cock each time he moved, almost surprising himself when he found his nose pressing into the hair at the base of his cock.

“You have got to be kidding me. Steve, look,” Shepard closed his eyes, trying to hold on, “you’re _so _good, baby.”

“Nicely done, James,” Steve complimented as he slowly thrust into Kaidan, causing the biotic to swear.

James pulled back again, deepthroating Shepard with a bit more ease the second time.

“Once more, baby, please.”

James pulled back for a moment before doing it again, feeling Shepard cum with a shout of his name, his biotics covering the bed and releasing Kaidan.

James pulled off with a gasp, panting, “better?”

Shepard reached his hand out to James, who took it and gave it a squeeze, “much. Now lay down.”

“No, Loco, you’re still healing.”

“James, baby, don’t test me.”

“No, really,” James yelped as he found himself on his back beside Kaidan, Shepard looming over him, “Dr. Chakwas said no crazy movement.”

“Then, next time,” Shepard leaned down to whisper in James’ ear, “do as your told.”

“Fuck yeah Commander, tell him,” Steve continued his slow rocking into Kaidan, who seemed content to relax under the attention.

“You told our beautiful Major to torture me for an _hour_ after I had been dragged away for two weeks?”

“I thought you would enjoy it.”

Shepard gave a dark laugh, “you’re a brat, baby.”

“You can get me back _once you’ve healed_.”

James knew he was in trouble when he saw the flicker of blue out of the corner of his eye. The blue haze James had seen before settling over the bed, lighting his nerve endings on fire. Judging by the deep moan from Kaidan beside him, James knew Shepard was out for revenge.

“I see how it is,” Shepard pressed a brief kiss to James’ mouth as be brought his biotics to cover both James and Kaidan, “I go away for a couple of weeks, leave you two in charge, and all of a sudden you think you run it.”

“John, _shit,_” Kaidan closed his eyes against the sensation, “what are you doing?”

“Reminding you and our dear _Commander_ of something,” Shepard pressed his hand to the middle of James’ chest, sending bright blue waves rolling over his body.

A sharp intake of breath came from Steve as the blue started to crawl over his skin, not as affected as Kaidan and James but still increasing the speed of his thrusts.

“Loco,” James wanted to roll his hips, pull Shepard down and fuck him until neither one of them could see straight, but found himself held in place in fear that he would hurt Shepard if he moved, “touch me.”

“Oh no, James, don’t you want to know the reminder first?”

James nodded, pressing his hand over Shepard’s in the middle of his chest.

Shepard put his other hand on Steve, took a deep breath, and announced in his best _Commander Shepard_ voice, “this is my ship.”

Shepard’s biotics ripped through them, the crackle of static and smell of ozone filling the room as Shepard sparked through their bodies, pulling every ounce of pleasure possible from the three men who could do nothing but cling to one another as it happened.

James wasn’t sure if it was minutes, seconds, or hours, but when the orgasm finally hit him, he was fairly certain he blacked out under the intensity. The entire world going dark. Vaguely aware that Kaidan and Steve had slowed their movements beside him.

It took him longer than it should have to remember that Shepard was hurt, and the lack of light in the room was because Shepard’s biotics were no longer lighting it.

“Loco?” James opened his eyes to find Shepard kneeling beside him, panting, “okay?”

“Overdid it, a bit,” Shepard pushed sweat-slicked hair out of his eyes.

“Jesus,” Steve carefully pulled out of Kaidan, who whimpered as he withdrew, “show off.”

“Lay down, John,” James pointed at the bed beside him, “now.”

Shepard did, holding his ribs with a wince.

“Idiot. EDI, has Shepard broken anything?”

“No, Commander Vega, he simply has not ingested enough calories to be using his biotics in such a way.”

“Worth it,” Shepard smiled.

“You okay, Major?” James poked Kaidan in the side and Kaidan waved him off.

“Let me enjoy the afterglow,” Kaidan turned his face to look at Shepard, “I’m going to tease you again if that’s the result.”

Shepard lifted a glowing hand toward Kaidan and James knocked it out of the air, “John, you’re meant to be resting.”

“Then don’t have the pretty boy fucking teasing me. Shit, James, I was _alone_ in the nightmare streets of my fucking childhood for _two weeks_. You think after going through that, I’m not just a little desperate for some affection?” Shepard covered his face with his arm, “it’s bad enough I had to come home looking like a cyborg freak. I’m not waiting to enjoy you guys if you’re going to let me touch you even if I look like, well, _this_.”

Steve looked at James and mouthed, _oh shit_.

“Wait,” Kaidan winked at James, mouthing _I got this_ before he spoke to Shepard, “did you just call me the pretty boy?”

Shepard uncovered his face, looking at Kaidan out of the corner of his eye “yep.”

“So, what’s James then?”

“My husband, or the beefcake. It depends on who I’m talking too.”

“And Steve?”

Shepard bit his lip to hide a smile and shook his head.

“John, you can’t tell us your nicknames for Kaidan and James and not me.”

“Alright,” Shepard’s grin slowly spread over his face, “you’re the twink that tops.”

Steve’s mouth dropped open, “you do _not_ call me that.”

“You asked.”

“I’m not a twink!”

“Lieutenant, look at the men in this bed. In comparison to us, you are the twink in the relationship.”

“I am not!”

“I think it’s kind of catchy, actually,” James considered, “we should get a nameplate for the Kodiak that says that. We’ll stick it to the back of your pilot's chair.”

“Don’t you dare or I’ll engrave beefcake on your gun.”

“I’m good with that.”


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

_Ask Shepard if he remembers the time I wrote to him about you– EV_

“Uh,” James showed the message to Shepard who was sitting next to him on the couch finishing his dinner.

“Can you ask him when it was?”

_Emilio Vega sent a video_

“Toss it up on the screen.”

The screen flickered and a younger Shepard appeared, sitting at his desk. The scar across his jaw bright red.

“Couldn’t have been that long after the Skyllian Blitz, that scar was still new,” Shepard pointed at his jaw.

“Press play,” Kaidan pulled Steve over to the bed, “I want to see what baby Shepard has to say.”

“I was probably 22 or 23 there.”

James pressed play and the Shepard on the screen started speaking.

“Emilio, thank you for your letter. I appreciate the support.”

“Holy shit, you still have an accent,” James smiled at Shepard, “you still sound like a New Yorker!”

“Shut up,” Shepard rolled his eyes.

“Normally I would just send you a message back, but when you brought up your nephew, I thought a video might be better,” Shepard checked a datapad in front of him, and read from it, “My nephew James, is a big fan of yours and he’s struggling to get through basic training right now. His dad was big into drugs and he lost his mom when he was young. She was his entire world, and I’ve been trying to keep him on the right path since she’s been gone. Can you give me any words of wisdom to help him do what’s right?”

Shepard glanced at the camera, “I don’t know if I’m old enough to have much wisdom, Emilio. I can tell you that your nephew and I, well, we ain’t so different. I don’t know my dad, my mom died because of drugs, I was headed that way too.”

“From what you’ve told me, it sounds like James has every chance to make something of himself if he wants too. If I could tell your nephew anything, it would be that your past only affects your future as much as you let it. If James wants to drop out of training and blame it on his dad, he can. If James wants to do amazing at his training in spite of his dad, he can do that too.”

“My adoptive dad is an Admiral and I had him pull James’ records. He’s really impressive when he applies himself, and from what I can see, it looks like he could find himself in whatever role he wants within the Alliance if he sticks with it.”

“John, dinner!” Anderson’s voice could be heard in the background of the recording and Shepard rolled his eyes.

“Looks like I need to cut this short, so I’ll finish with a short message you can send James if you want. James, I know basic sucks, and you’d rather be doing anything else, but stick with it. You are absolutely capable of getting this done and being one of the best the Alliance has ever had. I’m going to need someone like you on my crew, so when you’re finished, make sure you reach out.”

“Emilio, keep doing what you’re doing. Kids like James and I? We just need to know that someone out there believes in us. You believe in James, and I’ll believe in both of you.” Shepard reached forward and the message cut off.

“Awww,” Steve beamed at Shepard with watery eyes, “that was adorable.”

“I remember sending that, now that I see it,” Shepard glanced at James who was still looking at the screen, “did he ever send it to you?”

“No, this is the first I’ve seen it.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” James flushed, “I like to forget I was such a Commander Shepard fan.”

“You mean you’re not still? I’m so disappointed,” Shepard teased, “I’ll have you know, I kept your uncle's address and checked in again around the time your basic graduation was meant to happen. My plan was to come out if I could organize it around missions.”

“Bullshit.”

“Ask him, give him a call.”

James pressed the call button and Emilio’s face filled the screen, “Hey, I’ve got all the boys.”

“Hey Emilio,” Shepard moved to sit on the bed, “thanks for the blast from memory lane.”

“Nice black eye there, John, what does the other guy look like?”

“Dead.”

“Atta boy. Yeah, I was going through the archives and I found it, I thought you might like to see it. If anything, I thought your boyfriends would think it was cute.”

“Ask him,” Shepard prompted James.

“Did Shepard stay in touch with you?”

“After that message? Yeah. He wanted to come to your graduation.”

“Shit, really?” James sat beside Shepard, “why didn’t you come then?”

“You graduated basic when I was deep undercover for N7. I couldn’t even get a message to you.”

“He sent you the pin, later though.”

“What, the Normandy one?”

“Oh yeah,” Shepard wrapped his arms around James, “I forgot.”

“Clue the rest of us in, please?” Kaidan requested.

“When I decided to have the Normandy Forever pins made, I sent one from the first batches to Emilio for James. I think I’m on the 10th run now? I have then made in huge amounts, but the pin I had sent to James was the second pin of the first batch.”

“I still have it. I keep it in my gun case. Emilio said you had sent it, but I figured he was bullshitting me.”

“There you go Emilio, nothing to worry about in the end. Your son graduated, is now N7, and has been the commanding officer of the Normandy for two weeks. I told you he would turn out okay.”

“As fun as commanding the Normandy is, I’m sure he’s much happier that you’re back home. My squad said you and Dena left a hole in the face of New York.”

“I sure did. It took a chunk out of me, too,” Shepard waved at his eye and jaw.

“Look just fine to me, John. Anyway, I’m off to work. Talk later.”

“See you, Emilio.”

“Bye boys.”

Emilio gave a wave and the call cut out.

Shepard tugged at James, “I need to lay down, come cuddle me.”

“Do you always answer your fan mail, John?” Steve waited for James and Shepard to find their places in the bed before settling next to Shepard and bringing Kaidan with him.

“Yes, of course. If someone is nice enough to message me, I can at least be nice enough to answer them.”

“You’re adorable. I liked the accent.”

“I was a baby there, and I hadn’t been out of New York that long. Though, after the past few weeks, I’d be happy to _never_ go back.”

“Don’t you have any good memories from New York?”

“Hmmm,” Shepard thought about it, “I mean, you can’t get better pizza anywhere. That’s about it though.”

“Commander, do you have a moment?”

“Yeah, EDI?”

“I wanted to inform you that your rib is healed.”

“Thanks, EDI. Can Dr. Chakwas turn my eye back on now or does she still insist on waiting until the morning?”

“Dr. Chakwas is currently asleep, would you like me to wake her and ask?”

Shepard sighed, “no, leave it. Poor Karin was up and down a lot last night because of me.”

“Dr. Chakwas has made an appointment for you for 0800.”

“Alright,” Shepard gave James a sad smile, “I’ll manage.”

“Come here,” James turned on his side to face Shepard and held his arms open, letting Shepard hide his face against James’ neck, “it’s only a few more hours.”

“I know.”

Steve turned and tucked himself behind Shepard, spooning him as best he could given their height difference. Kaidan followed Steve, reaching across him to rest his hand on Shepard’s side.

“I missed you guys.”

**

“We should go to sleep,” James ran his hand through Shepard’s hair where he had moved to rest his head on James’ stomach.

“I slept most of the day while you were working, I’m not tired.”

“You’re taking up most of the bed, Loco, at least move so Esteban and Kaidan can sleep.”

“I napped with John all afternoon, I was thinking of going to work out of you guys don’t mind.”

“Only if you don’t gel your hair to death when you get back. I missed the curls.”

“Yes, John,” Kaidan rolled his eyes and pulled himself from the bed, “Steve you going to stay here?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Kaidan pulled his work out clothes from the dresser, “I know you’ve missed your cuddles with John.”

“So have you.”

“I did, but I also got to cuddle with him all day.”

“That’s because you’re his favorite.”

“James is my favorite,” Shepard corrected.

“You’re my favorite,” James closed his eyes and relaxed for what felt like the first time in a month, “I’m so glad you’re home.”

“I’m so glad we figured out that you can deep throat my cock.”

James snorted, “it wasn’t that hard either.”

“Oh, it was hard.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I can see where this is going,” Kaidan shook his head, “I’ll be back in an hour. You kids have fun.”

“See you soon, Major.”

“How’s your eye feeling?” James gently traced the bruising under Shepard’s black eye.

“Itchy, the stitches are bothering me.”

“I’m sure Dr. Chakwas will take them out tomorrow.”

“They can stay in. I just want her to turn my eye back on.”

Steve moved to lay along the length of Shepard’s body, pressing a kiss to his chest as he settled.

“Did you miss me, Lieutenant? You’re not usually this affectionate with me.”

“Of course I did. Am I bothering you?”

“Not at all,” Shepard wrapped his arm over Steve, “I like when you touch me. I wish you wouldn’t always seem so concerned about it when you do.”

“I don’t mean too. I think I’m still worried about upsetting James if I touch you without asking.”

“I’m good Esteban. I think you two are cute together. I’m still waiting for you two to fuck.”

“You’d be good with that?” Shepard looked up at James with a smile, “because I’ve been thinking the same about you two.”

“Mmhmm,” James brushed his thumb over Shepard’s bottom lip, “I think it would be fun to see what Esteban could do while topping you, and I want to see you rock his world when you top.”

“Steve?”

“Yes, Commander?”

“Would you have a preference? Top, bottom, or neither?”

“Both.”

Shepard snorted, “I want to be inside James before I’m inside of anyone else, but let’s put that on the list to try. Kaidan is starting his own plans too.”

“What does the Major want to do?”

“Plan a night for me. He’s convinced that I just go along with whatever you say, and I need a night that is just about me.”

“I agree with him,” Steve traced the bruising on Shepard’s side, “actually, if you think about it, have you ever asked for anything from us?”

“Nope,” Shepard shrugged, “I’m not good at asking for things. Think of something and surprise me.”

“Challenge accepted, Loco.”

***

_Ready for you, Commander – KC_

“Karin is ready, are you boys coming or staying here?” Shepard grabbed his cup of coffee and headed toward the door.

“Coming,” James followed him, waving for Kaidan and Steve to join him.

“Did you want me to clear out the kitchen?” Kaidan pressed the button for the elevator.

“No, it’s okay. I’m trying to not let it bother me.”

“It’s okay if it does.”

Shepard stepped into the elevator and leaned against the back wall, “it does. Of course it does, but they won’t talk to me until after my appointment anyway.”

The elevator stopped and Shepard took a deep breath before stepping out and turning toward the med bay. True to Shepard’s observation, the crew watched Shepard from where they sat eating breakfast but didn’t approach him as he opened the door.

“Good morning, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas looked up from her terminal, “you’re looking better.”

“EDIs implants are _much_ better than the Cerberus ones. I feel like recovery is was easier.”

“Take a seat,” Dr. Chakwas pointed to the table and shut the shutters for the windows.

“Can we stay?”

“Yes, James, you can stay,” Dr. Chakwas turned on an exam light, “close your eye please, Commander. I’m going to take these stitches out first.”

Shepard closed his eyes and sat like a stone as Dr. Chakwas used the smallest pair of scissors that James had ever seen to cut and remove the stitches.

“That’s so itchy.”

“I know, just give me a minute and I’ll put some numbing on it,” Dr. Chakwas wet a small piece of gauze and wiped over Shepard’s eyelid, smiling at Shepard twitched, “don’t scratch it.”

“It’s _itchy_.”

“Have some restraint, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas powered on her Omni-tool and scanned over Shepard, “Now open, I need to watch your eye as we power it on.”

Shepard opened his eyes and James watched as the eye went from a solid black to solid white.

“I can see,” Shepard glanced around the room, “and it’s clear.”

“Yes, but I haven’t turned on the projection yet, so hold on while I match it to your other implant.” Dr. Chakwas pressed a few buttons and after a blink, Shepard’s blue iris appeared in the implant, “there we are.”

“Thank you,” Shepard waited for Dr. Chakwas to turn back to the cart before rubbing his eyelid.

“No scratching, Commander.”

“How did you even know?”

“You’re predictable. Now, I’m going to take the stitches from your jaw and then we’ll get rid of the scar.”

“I want to leave it.”

“Leave it?” Dr. Chakwas turned to him, “why?”

“It looks like my old one, according to Kaidan. I’m hoping it’ll make the PTSD a bit easier to handle if I look more like myself when I look in the mirror.”

“Huh, I guess it kinda does,” James pulled up the video from the night previously, “it’s really close.”

“Do you guys mind?”

“It’s your face, Loco. We love you no matter what.”

“That’s very sweet,” Dr. Chakwas turned Shepard’s face back toward her, “let’s take the stitches out, then you can go and see the crew who have been waiting _all_ _morning_ to see you.”

***

“There you are, all set,” Dr. Chakwas swatted at Shepard’s hand as she caught him rubbing his eye again, “stop it.”

“Thank you, Karin.”

“Try to not get yourself blow up for a few days. I’ve got an order in for the replacement cybernetics that we used but they’ll take some time to get here.”

“I’ll try. If EDI has any implants designed and ready just go ahead and use those for future repairs. I like hers better.”

“Will do, Commander. Now go, the crew needs to see you’re okay.”

Shepard hopped off the table, walking over to James, “better?”

“I thought you looked just fine before, Loco.”

“Liar,” Shepard kissed James with a smile.

“I’m not lying. Just because _you_ don’t like it doesn’t mean that _I_ don’t like it.”

Shepard turned toward the med bay door, “you guys might want to stand back a bit, I’m going to have my arms full of Quarian in a minute.”

James, Kaidan, and Steve followed Shepard into the mess hall and watched as Tali, true to Shepard’s prediction, crashed into Shepard with her arms wrapped around him.

“Hey, Tali,” Shepard wrapped his arms around her, “everything okay?”

“I’m so glad you’re back, are you okay? Keelah, you have your old scar back!”

“I’m fine, on the mend now,” Shepard held out an arm when he noticed Liara standing next to him, “Hey, Liara.”

“We were very worried,” Liara tucked herself under Shepard’s arm, sharing his chest with Tali.

“I’m sorry.”

“Those missions suck, Commander,” Joker called from where he was eating breakfast, “you should tell them you’re not doing it anymore. We need you here.”

“It won't happen again. Garrus, everything good with you?”

“Just fine, Shepard. I heard you blew your face up, too.”

“What can I say, I couldn’t compete with your amazing scars. I needed mine back.”

“I’m still better looking.”

“No question about that, Garrus.”

“Are you working again? Or are we still reporting to Commander Vega?” Samantha asked.

“I’m working again, sorry to say it James, but you’re back to arms and munition.”

“Good by me, Loco. Let me get you some breakfast for your first shift,” James walked into the kitchen, stopped by Garrus who reached for him.

“Uh, Shepard, I just wanted to let you know, James did good work while you were gone. He was under a huge amount of stress, but he didn’t let it get to him. The Normandy ran just as you would have wanted it too.”

“Thanks, Scars,” James reached out and gave the back of Garrus’ neck a squeeze, “I appreciate that.”

“I’ll second that,” Joker nodded, “I was kind of a mess one night when you were gone, and James stayed up and talked me down off of a ledge.”

Shepard pulled up his Omni-tool and pressed a few buttons until the sound of an outgoing call could be heard over the speakers in the kitchen.

“Hackett.”

“Admiral, it’s Shepard.”

“Shepard, I’m glad to hear from you. I heard the mission was a success.”

“It was,” Shepard took a seat at the table, “I should let you know I have you on speakerphone with my crew.”

“Alright, why?”

“Recommendation for a commendation.”

“For?”

“James Vega.”

“Why?”

“Garrus, Joker, can you tell Admiral Hackett what you just told me?”

They did, with Samantha adding in that James had trusted her when she had told him about the distress call, and Liara sharing that James had sourced a significant amount of resources.

“Impressive. Is Lieutenant Vega there with you?”

“He is. He’s making breakfast.”

“Lieutenant, I’m going to put a commendation on your record for your management of the Normandy for the past two weeks.”

“Thank you, Admiral.”

“I’m also going to put forward a recommendation for promotion.”

“Thank you, Admiral,” James hid his blush by pretending to focus on his cooking.

“Shepard, while I have you on the line, I should let you know there has also been discussion of your promotion, but it may be unconventional.”

“How so?”

“You’ll see.”

“Alright, I’ll leave it in your capable hands, Steven.”

“Don’t be a stranger, John.”


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“_Yes, right there_.”

Kaidan and Steve paused in front of the door to their quarters as they heard James, looking at each other.

“Do we let them finish or go in?”

“Shepard says James is an exhibitionist,” Kaidan considered, “it might make it better for him if we watch?”

“Yeah, but when was the last time they had a moment alone?”

“We’ve offered, hun, they don’t want it.”

Steve pressed the button for the door and walked in, Kaidan following behind him. On the bed, Shepard had James on his back, his knees pushed back toward his shoulders as Shepard thrust into him with hard controlled thrusts.

“There?”

“Yes, _fuck_, perfect,” James reached between them to stroke himself.

Shepard glanced up at Steve and Kaidan with a wink, “better put on a good show, baby, our boys are watching you.”

“Going to be a short show,” James dropped his head back onto the bed, “you’ve been fucking me for an hour already, I need to cum.”

“Me too,” Shepard sped up slightly, and James swore under his breath, “come on baby, you’re so pretty.”

James came with a shout, Shepard groaning as he spilled inside James moments later, dropping James’ legs and supporting himself on his fists as he leaned over James, panting.

“Fuck,” James brushed Shepard’s hair from his eyes, “you’re a damn good lay.”

“Not so bad yourself,” Shepard pushed himself upon his knees and looked over to Kaidan and Steve, “how was work?”

“Well, not as much fun as watching you two, but it wasn’t bad.”

Shepard chuckled and carefully pulled himself from James, dropping onto his back on the bed.

“I’m going to have a shower,” James stood and stretched, noticing how Kaidan watched the line of his body as he did, “see something you like, Major?”

“Definitely.”

“Well,” James walked over to Kaidan, grabbing him by the front of his pants, and pulling him by his belt, “you better join me in the shower then.”

“You boys have fun,” Shepard waved from the bed.

Steve stood awkwardly at the top of stairs, looking over the bed where Shepard was catching his breath.

“Are you going to look at me, or are you going to undress and come and cuddle with me.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Steve,” Shepard turned his head to look at him, “please stop asking me that. I like touching you. I like you touching me.”

Steve took the stairs slowly, undressing on his way down, “where do you want me?”

“Just come here,” Shepard held his arms open, and Steve crawled over to him, laying beside Shepard, almost touching, “really?”

“What?”

“Do you not want to touch me?”

“Oh, I want to touch you,” Steve looked at Shepard, “of course I do.”

“Then why won't you ever just touch me? Kaidan doesn’t seem to have any issues grabbing at me, and you’re all over my man with no problem. What is it about me that stops you?”

“It’s stupid,” Steve waved the question off.

“It’s not if it’s affecting our relationship,” Shepard turned on his side to look at Steve, “I can’t fix the problem if you don’t tell me what it is.”

“I feel like I _should_ ask permission every time I want to touch you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re the commander.”

“It’s a power dynamic thing?”

“Sort of,” Steve flushed, “and the fact I like hearing you say yes.”

“Hmm,” Shepard ran a hand over Steve’s side to his back, pulling him closer, “I have an idea.”

“What’s that?”

“I can be your commander, Steve, if that’s what you want. I’m happy to play the dominant role for you.”

“But?”

“Sometimes, you need to let me just be John,” Shepard rolled on his back, bringing Steve with him, “and touch me without asking.”

“So who are you right now?” Steve shifted his position, so he was comfortably straddling Shepard.

“John.”

Steve reached out and brushed the hair from Shepard’s eyes, tracing the scar along his jaw before leaning down to kiss him.

“I wish Kaidan and I had come up earlier, we could have had some fun together.”

“James is currently keeping your man well amused, I assure you.”

“What are they doing?”

“Sounds like James is sucking him off. They wouldn’t be having sex without us, and James just got off. He’s too sensitive right after for someone else to top him.”

“I’ve always wanted to be topped by more than one person in a night.”

“Yeah?” Shepard pulled Steve down for another kiss, “think you could take all three of us in one night?”

“Don’t know, but I’d really like to try. I think you might be too big for me, honestly.”

“You’d be fine. I’ve never met someone who couldn’t take me after proper preparation, and Kaidan and James fucking you first would open you up plenty,” Shepard flipped their positions, pushing Steve back against the bed, “looks like you’re all for the idea.”

“I am. I’m also hoping that you’re going to keep touching me right now,” Steve smiled as Shepard started kissing his chest, “I love your mouth.”

“Hmm,” Shepard moved down Steve’s body, affectionately kissing Steve’s stomach before flicking his tongue over Steve’s rapidly hardening dick, “you love my mouth?”

“God yes,” Steve moaned as Shepard held his cock with one hand, sucking at the head in between pumping him with his fist, “I’ve wanted this all day.”

“Should have asked me, I would have come downstairs and met you.”

“Yeah? Will you suck me off in the Kodiak one day?”

“Mmhmm,” Shepard looked up at Steve and winked.

“Yes please,” Steve closed his eyes as Shepard moved over him, “this feels amazing.”

“He’s got the best blowjobs out of all of us, Esteban, enjoy yourself,” James walked from the bathroom wrapped in a towel and pulled Kaidan down on the couch next to him.

“He’s very talented,” Steve agreed, looking at James, “I can’t wait for him to fuck me someday.”

“I can fuck you now if you want,” Shepard pulled off long enough to offer.

“You just got off.”

“He’s already hard, Esteban, he has nothing in the way of downtime.”

“Tempting,” Steve rolled his hips, “but also really want you to make me cum like this.”

“You sure, Esteban? He’s a great top.”

“Yes, he is,” Kaidan agreed, “very good.”

“Let him pick, boys,” Shepard started pumping Steve’s cock quickly pulling a gasp from the smaller man, “if he wants a blow job that’s what he can have.”

Steve tugged Shepard back to his cock by his hair, “John, _please_.”

Shepard didn’t protest, instead letting Steve thrust up into his mouth until he came with a sigh a few minutes later, relaxing into the bed as Shepard pulled back.

“Better, Steve?”

“Much, thank you, John.”

“You’re welcome,” Shepard crawled up the bed to lay next to Steve, dropping to lay down on his stomach with a slight bounce, “anytime.”

“He has a perfect ass,” Kaidan moved to the bed, laying on the other side of Steve.

“Tell me about it,” James straddled Shepard’s legs, smacking his ass lightly, “it’s beautiful.”

“And yet no one seems to be in a rush to fuck me.”

“It’s because you’re so big, Loco. It’s hard to picture you as anything but a top.”

“I can’t do anything about my stature, but next time we go to lust I’m buying myself all the best buzzing toys so my ass isn’t so neglected.”

***

_I need your help – meet me in our quarters in 10 minutes. DON’T TELL STEVE -KA_

_Let me guess, Esteban’s birthday? -JV_

_Yes – KA_

_I’ll be there – JS_

_Aren’t you talking to Hackett – JV_

_Just about family stuff, I can be there. – JS_

Ten minutes later Shepard and James were watching Kaidan the length of the bedroom, apologizing before even asking for their help.

“Look, I have an idea, well it was Steve’s idea, and I’m not sure that _either _of you is going to like it and I don’t want you to feel like you need to do it if you’re not alright with it.”

“Kaidan,” Shepard grabbed Kaidan’s arm as he walked past them, “stop.”

“Major,” James took Kaidan’s other arm and pulled him down to sit on the bed between them, “what makes you think we won't like this idea?”

“It breaks the rules, I think.”

“Calm down and explain. If it won’t work we can come up with something else.”

“It’ll be easier if I just show you,” Kaidan pressed a few buttons and a conversation appeared on the screen above the couch.

_What did you want to do for your birthday, hun – KA_

_Oh, I’m not worried about it. We’re going to be on the Normandy anyway and Shepard is so busy I don’t want him to worry about planning some big thing with you guys – SC_

_If we weren’t on the Normandy, what would you want to do – KA_

Shepard took in the timestamps of the conversation and noticed there was almost twenty minutes before Steve responded.

_I have an idea, but I don’t think it would fly – SC_

_Why not? Try me – KA_

_I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, especially yours – SC_

_Now you’ve got me really curious – KA_

_Leave it, Kaidan, it won't happen anyway – SC_

_Please? – KA_

_No – SC_

_You can tell me anything, you know that – KA_

_It would break Shepard’s golden rule – SC_

_No playing apart? – KA_

_Yes. That rule – SC_

_Okay, assuming that rule wasn’t a thing, what would you want to do? -KA_

_I’m still not telling you. I don’t want you to think of me differently – SC_

_Steve, I love you, I want to be able to provide the things you want – KA_

Another twenty minutes before Steve’s next response.

_You know how Shepard offered to plan me a night when we were on the Citadel? -SC_

_With all the bondage stuff? – KA_

_Yeah – SC_

_That’s what you want? A night with Shepard dominating you? – KA_

_Not just dominating me. Punishing me. I want him to take me to the very edge of my limits. Pull me apart and put me back together again. – SC_

_Why do you think Shepard would say no? – KA_

_Because I can’t figure out how you and James could be involved, and it would probably take away from the moment if I was worried about what you two thought of me if you were just sitting around watching – SC_

_We both love you, we would probably just be drooling - KA_

_It doesn’t matter. It won't happen anyway. Thanks for asking though, let’s just ask James to cook a nice meal for us and watch a movie. I love those nights too – SC_

“Hmm,” Shepard re-read the messages, “James?”

“Yeah, Loco?”

“Thoughts?”

“Well I know it’s something he’s wanted since we started our relationship together, but I don’t disagree with him, it sounds like an event just for the two of you, which does break our rule.”

“Actually, that’s just an assumption on his part. I could very easily work you both into it,” Shepard sat on the edge of the bed looking between them, “It wouldn’t be difficult.”

“But?”

“But,” Shepard looked between James and Kaidan, “it might be difficult for you both to watch. Steve isn’t looking for leather cuffs and a gentle spanking. He’s looking for something much more intense.”

“That’s why I came to you,” Kaidan sat beside Shepard, “you’re the only one I would trust with this.”

“What else is bothering you, Loco?”

“I’m worried I might actually hurt him, a lot of what he wants involves finesse. Yes, I could have done it before. I’m so strong now…I don’t want to cause permanent damage.”

“You wouldn’t. You know your limits, John, that doesn’t worry me for a second.”

Shepard glanced up at the messages again, re-reading them a third time, “you both want to do it?”

“I was willing to break the rule if it meant giving him what he wanted, so yeah I think it’s even better if you can involve James and I.”

“I’m good with it, Loco. I trust you.”

“Okay, leave it with me and I’ll plan something. We’ll need to meet up again and discuss the plans before it happens.”

“Thank you, John,” Kaidan wrapped his arm around Shepard’s shoulder, “I don’t know why it’s so important to him, but I know you’ll do right by him.”

***

Shepard went into full planning mode, keeping most of the details from Kaidan and James as he worked, just promising to keep them in the loop when it came time to work.

It was at lunch about a week later when Shepard walked into the mess hall and requested all crew come up for a brief meeting.

“Everyone’s here, Commander,” Kaidan leaned against the counter, “what’s up? Time to move on the crucible?”

“I know I said during our last shore leave that we wouldn’t be back on the Citadel, but it looks like I may have spoken too soon,” Shepard smiled as the crew started to chatter excitedly, “given all of your hard work I have managed to convince Alliance command that we needed two more nights.”

“Seriously? When?” Joker tried to take Shepard’s datapad, only to have it held above his head.

“We’ll arrive next Wednesday around 1800 and leave Friday at 1800. This _is_ it, folks. I had to go to bat for this, big time.”

“That’s awesome,” Steve smiled at James, “we can be at the apartment for my birthday.”

“You don’t say,” James gave Kaidan a knowing look, “that’s great, Esteban.”

“Alright, that’s it guys, just wanted to spread along some good news and thank you all for your hard work. Liara, if you have some time, can we talk about that project?”

“Of course, I’m available now, if that works?”

“Now is good,” Shepard followed Liara around the corner, and a message popped up in James and Kaidan’s Omni-tool.

_Tonight, we are going to talk to Steve about his night. I need to hear it, from his mouth, that this is something that he still wants. – JS_

_Okay, John. How did you manage to get them to give us two more days? -KA_

_You don’t want to know – JS_

_I do – JV_

_I agreed to be human councillor the year after the war – JS_

_You didn’t – KA_

_I did – JS_

_You hate politics – JV_

_It’s just one year, and they’ve agreed to let me work wherever you three are stationed – JS_

_Are you sure – KA_

_Too late now, I’ve signed on the dotted line. Just call me Councillor Shepard – JS_

_That’s kind of hot – JV_

_***_

“I’m nervous,” Kaidan paced the room as they waited for Steve to finish his shift, “I don’t even know if I was meant to ask you for that night. I hope he isn’t upset.”

“Kaidan…”

“I mean, was it meant to be a secret? I didn’t think so. He’s usually pretty open about this still.”

“Kaidan.”

“Oh man, I hope he still wants to do the entire thing. I feel so bad too, you're stuck with the council now just to get us the time to do the whole thing.”

“Kaidan,” Shepard snapped his fingers, and Kaidan stopped pacing, “if he doesn’t want to do it, we don’t do it. It doesn’t matter. The writing was always on the wall that they would want me in that position to help deal with the Krogan getting a seat on the council. Relax.”

“They’re going to give them a seat?” James pulled a beer from the fridge and tossed it to Shepard.

“They will if they want me on the council, yeah. It’s time we expand it out to not just include the dominant races, but all of them.”

“Steve will be off in five minutes, how am I meant to talk to him about this?”

“Did you want me to do it?” Shepard offered, “I think it will be more important that he knows it’s something you’re _okay_ with.”

“Would you?” Kaidan ran a hand through his hair, still down in curls from his earlier shower.

“Of course,” Shepard reassured, “don’t worry.”

“How are you always so calm, Loco? I’m not doing anything, and I’m nervous for you.”

“I’m not calm, I’m good at pretending I’m calm.”

“Any pointers on doing that? Because I’m ready to lose it,” Kaidan held his hand out, and Shepard watched it shake.

“Yeah, one, want to see?”

“Please.”

Shepard took Kaidan by the shoulders, pushing him to sit on the couch next to James and pulling James’ arms to wrap around him, “see? Always makes me feel better.”

Kaidan laughed, “cuddling with your boyfriend?”

“He’s the best,” Shepard shrugged, “if it works, it works.”

Kaidan sighed, “I’m worried.”

“It’ll be okay, Major,” James ran his hand through Kaidan’s curls, “John will take care of it all.”

Steve walked into the room and stopped short when he saw Kaidan looking worried next to James and Shepard sitting on the bed.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes, we just needed to talk to you.”

“Oh no,” Steve took the two steps toward the bed, “please tell me we aren’t ending this.”

“Ending this?”

“_Us_,” Steve sat next to Shepard looking distraught, “I know it started off as just sex, but I’m totally in love with all of you. Please don’t break my heart right before my birthday.”

“Steve, darling, no,” Shepard pulled Steve onto his lap and wrapped him in a tight hug, “never. We love you too. Why would you think we would end it?”

“Because Kaidan has that worried expression on his face,” Steve curled deeper into Shepard’s arms, “and it never means anything good when he does.”

“Esteban, things are good with us. Why would we leave?”

“Because I can’t relax around John, or you want him back to yourself, or I don’t bring enough to the group…”

“Steve,” Shepard’s voice was soft, “stop. James would never think any of those things. None of us would.”

“Esteban, come on, you know I don’t think that.”

“So, why do we need to talk?”

“After,” Shepard pressed a kiss to Steve’s forehead, “relax and then we’ll talk. I swear you and Kaidan can get yourselves so wound up over the smallest things.”

“Sorry,” Steve played with the N7 insignia on Shepard’s shirt, “you all looked so serious.”

“Serious doesn’t mean that we’re leaving Steve. I can promise you that James and I have _never_ spoken about ending things with you or Kaidan.”

“Never will,” James agreed, “We love you, boys.”

“It’s my fault,” Kaidan sighed, “you remember how I asked you what you wanted for your birthday?”

“Yes?”

“I asked Shepard for the night.”

“…oh,” Steve blushed, “so why do you look so upset?”

“Because he thought you would be upset that he asked me.”

“Oh,” Steve said again, “you were worried it was private?”

“Well, yeah, wasn’t it?”

“Not really,” Steve shrugged, “I’m not upset.”

Kaidan sagged with relief, leaning heavily into James.

“I swear you boys just aged yourselves ten years over nothing,” Shepard encouraged Steve to move back from his chest so he could see his face, “I needed to talk to you about this night you want.”

“Wait, are you going to do it?”

“That’s what we’re discussing.”

“I thought you would say no,” Steve said certainly, “I was positive.”

“I’m going to tell you a bit of what I’m proposing, let's see if we can make what you want and what I can offer match up.”

“Alright.”

“Go sit with Kaidan and James, I need to make sure I get a good read on your body language, and I can’t see you when you hide in my chest.”

Steve sat next to James, looking uneasy.

“My rule of playing together, specifically when it involves sex, still stands. Are you alright with me involving Kaidan and James if it means they aren’t just standing around?”

“Of course.”

“You’re familiar with safe words?”

“Yep.”

“You swear that you’ll use it if you need too.”

“I promise.”

“Do you want me to tell you some of the things I have planned, or do you want me to leave it up to surprise?”

“I’d like to be surprised.”

“I need you to tell me things that you don’t enjoy, so I ensure that it’s a good night.”

“No gags. I don’t like blood play. No body fluids other than cum and spit. No food.”

“Fair,” Shepard’s eyes were fixed on Steve, “anything else?”

“No. I’m pretty open, and I trust your judgment.”

“I have one other condition, providing it’s alright with boys.”

“Okay, let's hear it.”

“I’d like us to have sex at least once before it your night happens. I refuse to have the first time you and I have sex exist in a moment of pain. I don’t care if I top or you do, but the first time we have sex, it’s going to be mutually about pleasure. Nothing else. I understand you have a bit of a hard time with the power dynamic with me, but I want our first time to be John and Steve, not Commander and Lieutenant.”

“I’m fine with that,” Kaidan agreed.

“Me too,” James nodded.

“I’d like that,” Steve smiled at Shepard, “anything else?”

“We’re going to do it on Thursday night, the night after your birthday. You’re Kaidan’s fiancé, and you two should enjoy each other for your birthday. That being said, I’ve arranged a chef for dinner on Wednesday.”

“Oh, that’s nice of you, thank you.”

“Does anyone else have any other questions?”

“I –no,” Steve cut himself off, standing up and walking over to Shepard, pushing him jokingly back on the bed and jumping on top of him, wrapping his arms around Shepard as best as he could.

Shepard chuckled, wrapping his arms over Steve’s back, “were you going to ask if you could touch me?”

“Yeah, decided not too. Didn’t think you would mind.”


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took some liberties here with John's net-worth. I feel like if Liara knew he was coming back that she would have set him up well for his return. 
> 
> Also two chapters in one night because I'm going to be away for work and working on some other projects for a week or two. Updates are going to be more spread out. 
> 
> Steve's night is written and edited. I'll post it next for you guys, then I'm starting on preparing the end of this fic. It's been amazing, but it's time to move on to other things. 
> 
> Thank you, as always, to alilypea for keeping me going, and to all of the wonderful readers who leave me kudos and lovely comments.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Any questions before we depart?” Shepard looked over the datapad in front of him, “no? Okay then. See you in two days everyone.”

James watched the crew file from the ship, “is Emilio still at the apartment?”

“He’s working nights for the next four days, but he said he would do breakfast with us tomorrow.”

“Awesome,” James shouldered their bags, “taxi?”

“Already one waiting,” Shepard walked off of the ship and pointed at the waiting car.

“Commander Shepard!” a small voice called him and he turned.

“Lee!” Shepard dropped down to pick the young boy up in a hug, “how’s it going?”

“Good! Dad has his new leg now. He doesn’t need the cane anymore,” Lee pointed to his dad who walked over easily to Shepard, “and he has a new job with CSec. James’ uncle got it for him. Emilio said you were coming for a visit and I wanted to watch you land.”

“Well that’s great news.”

“What happened to your face?”

“Lee!” Sam snapped, “don’t be rude.”

“Sorry,” Lee flushed, “I was just asking.”

“Would you believe me if I told you that I caught a grenade with my face?”

“No,” Lee rolled his eyes, “you would have a broken nose if you did that.”

“You’re probably right,” Shepard turned to James, Kaidan, and Steve, “do you remember everyone?”

“Yep. Have you guys been doing anything cool?”

“Just working on saving the galaxy, it takes a while.”

“How long are you guys here for?” Sam took Lee from Shepard, “another break?”

“Just two days, we’re here to celebrate Steve’s birthday then back to work.”

“Enjoy the time, come on Lee, it’s time for dinner. Commander, Lee and I would love to take you for lunch if you have time as a thank you for everything you’ve done.”

“I’m sure I can make time for that.”

“Great, send me a message and we’ll meet up.”

“Will do.”

“Okay,” Lee hugged Shepard’s legs, “bye!”

“Bye Lee,” Shepard smiled and watched as Sam walked Lee from the dock.

“You’re such a suck for that kid,” James tapped Shepard on the shoulder, “let’s go.”

“He’s a cute kid,” Shepard nodded a greeting to the driver, “can you blame me?”

“Not complaining, I just think it’s funny that the guy who kills thresher maws for fun is good with kids.”

***

“Home sweet home,” Shepard pushed the door open with his shoulder, “glad to see this place again.”

“I know,” James dropped his bag at the foot of the stairs, “it’s great.”

“Chef will be here in about twenty minutes. I’m just going to go upstairs and check something, I’ll be back in a minute.” Shepard jogged up the stairs and James dropped down onto the couch.

“I missed our house,” James closed his eyes and stretched over the couch.

“Me too,” Kaidan grabbed the bags at the base of the stairs, “I’ll be back.”

Shepard jumped when Kaidan opened the bedroom door, shooting him a glare, “could have warned me, Major.”

“What?” Kaidan took the bags into the closet, “why are you so jumpy?”

“This,” Shepard held up a small ring box, “Emilio picked it up for me today.”

“Can I see it?”

Shepard opened the box and passed it to Kaidan, “what do you think?”

Inside the box was a black band, in which was set two bright rectangular diamonds on either side of a rectangular ruby. Inside the band, in simple script, the words _I Promise_ had been engraved.

“Did you make him an N7 engagement ring?” Kaidan smiled, “it’s perfect. He’ll love it.”

“Do you think Steve would mind if I asked him tonight? I don’t want to take the attention away from his birthday.”

“I think Steve would mind if you didn’t ask him when you wanted too. Go for it,” Kaidan passed the box back to Shepard.

“Any pointers?”

“Don’t cry on him until after he says yes. I sobbed the entire time I tried to ask Steve.”

“Perfect,” Shepard took a deep breath, “can you send him up when you go down?”

“You’re going to ask like right now?”

“I technically proposed on our first date. Now I’m just making it official,” Shepard smiled at Kaidan, “really, I just need to do it while I still have the courage too. I’m having all kinds of terrible thoughts about how he’s going to say no.”

“He won’t say no,” Kaidan looked at Shepard as he fiddled with the box in his hands, “I promise he wont. I’ll go send him up.” Kaidan pressed a kiss to Shepard’s forehead, “good luck.”

“Thanks,” Shepard took a deep breath and sat on the edge of the bed.

He could hear James take the steps two at a time, making jokes with Kaidan and Steve about a blow job waiting for him. Shepard fought the urge to hide the ring in his pocket and just go along with that idea.

“Hey Loco, you needed me?” James paused when he saw the box in Shepard’s hands, slowly closing the door behind him, “what’s that?”

Shepard watched as James cautiously walked over to him, offering the box to James when he was close enough to take it, “why don’t you open it and find out?”

James took the box, spinning it in his hands, “I’m scared it’s not what I’m hoping for.”

“What are you hoping for?” Shepard stood, closing the distance between them.

“An engagement ring, which might be a little silly considering we haven’t been together all that long,” James looked up at Shepard, “are you going to break my heart and tell me that it’s just a set of cufflinks?”

“No,” Shepard reached over and opened the box, “it’s definitely an engagement ring.”

“Holy shit,” James tilted the box to look at it.

“You already know I love you, James. Will you marry me?”

“Of course I will,” James took the ring from the box, going to slide it on his hand until Shepard stopped him.

“Wrong hand, babe,” Shepard took the ring, carefully sliding it on James finger.

“Shit,” James looked up at Shepard and smiled, “we’re engaged?”

“Well you said yes, so I think so,” Shepard yelped as James tackled him onto the bed, “it’s not an excuse to beat me up.”

“I love you so much,” James kissed Shepard, trying to pour every ounce of joy into it, “I can’t believe you beat me.”

“Beat you?”

“Oh shit,” James looked over his shoulder for the bags, grabbing his and pulling things from it, tossing clothes over his shoulder until he found the shirt that was holding the small box he was looking for.

“What are you doing?”

James held up a box and shook it, “found it.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, let’s just say I was planning on asking you the same question,” James walked over to the bed, getting down on one knee beside it, “John Shepard, will _you_ marry _me_?”

The ring James had picked was much more traditional, a simple gold band, but Shepard wasn’t sure if he had seen anything more beautiful, “damn right I’ll marry you.”

James slid the ring onto Shepard’s finger, pleased that between Steve and EDI they had been able to find the perfect fit.

“I can’t believe you had a ring too,” Shepard looked down at his hand with a smile.

“Why?”

“This is the second time in my life someone picked me to be their family,” Shepard shook his head disbelievingly, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’ll keep working every day to keep deserving you.”

“I love you, John,” James pulled Shepard into a hug, “so much.”

“I love you more.”

“I love you most,” James kissed Shepard again, “I asked your dad for your hand.”

“I asked Emilio, too. He picked up the ring for me and hid it here.”

“Are we still going to wait until after the war to get married?”

“Do you want too?”

“Fuck no,” James rolled his eyes, “that’s your idea. I want to get married yesterday so I can take your last name already.”

“Well, lets spend at least a couple days engaged before we worried about it. We should go tell the boys, I bet Kaidan is downstairs pacing.”

“I have one thing I need to do first.”

“What’s that?”

James wrapped his arms around Shepard in a tight hug, “hug my fiancé.”

***

“Well?” Kaidan called up to them as they walked from the room.

James held up his hand to show off the ring and Kaidan and Steve cheered.

“I gave him the ring you sourced for me too, Esteban,” James pulled Shepard down the stairs, “go show Kaidan.”

Shepard let Kaidan grab his hand and look at the ring, “I like it, it suits you.”

The doorbell rang and Shepard looked over at the door, “Chef is here, I’ll be right back. Kaidan, I have some champagne in the fridge if you want to pour us all a glass.”

“So when’s the wedding?” Steve grabbed some glasses.

“We’re going to talk about it in a few days,” James spun the ring on his finger, “soon, I hope.”

“Congratulations!” James felt a pair of arms wrap around his neck.

“Thanks, Luna,” James turned in his seat, “you’re our chef?”

“Damn right, happy birthday Steve,” Luna directed Shepard to put the large number of bags in his arms on the counter.

“Thank you,” Steve pulled down another glass, “John, you should pop the bottle, it’s you and James celebrating.”

“It’s your birthday,” Shepard countered.

“I’ll open it,” James held his hand out for the bottle, “I’m celebrating my best friends’ birthday and getting engaged.”

“After you, then, babe.”

James opened the bottle, Kaidan and Steve cheering at the loud pop.

“When’s the wedding?” Luna took the offered glass as she started unloading the various groceries.

“As soon as possible,” James pulled Shepard closer to him, linking their fingers together and smiling up at him, “please.”

“Alright, baby,” Shepard took a glass and held it up in toast, “to James, my man, my future husband, and the love of my life.”

“To John,” James added, “the man who taught me that dick is _awesome_.”

Shepard snorted, looking down at James with an arched brow. James looked up at him with an innocent grin, tapping on Shepard’s engagement ring, “stuck with me now, Loco.”

“I’m so glad to be stuck with you, baby,” Shepard leaned forward for a kiss, freezing when he heard someone take a picture.

“Cute,” Kaidan showed Steve the picture, “what are we doing for dinner?”

“Steak,” Luna held up a package wrapped in butcher paper, “John said I could pick, as long as it was good.”

“I’m excited, I love your food.”

“Something tells me that John knew that.”

Shepard, James, and Steve looked down as their omni-tools chimed, pulling up the message.

_Attention crew of the Normandy, please join me in congratulating Commander Shepard and Lieutenant Vega on their engagement –KA_

Kaidan had included the picture he had just taken, James looking up at Shepard with a warm smile, Shepard beaming down at James, their engagement rings sparkling in the light of the kitchen where their fingers were linked.

“That’s a great picture, Kaidan,” Shepard saved it to him omni-tool, “thank you.”

“I guess we should message our dads.”

“I’ve got Anderson if you’ve got Emilio,” Shepard forwarded the picture with a flourish.

“Done,” James did the same.

_My boys! I’m so excited for you – EV_

_Thanks, Emilio – JV_

_Your mom would be so proud, James, he’s a great guy – EV_

James looked up at Shepard who was chatting with Steve about the need for a chocolate fountain at their wedding, feeling his heart skip a beat as Shepard looked down at him with a smile, “what?”

“Emilio thinks my mom would have liked you,” James leaned into Shepard’s chest, “I think so too.”

“I’m sure I could have won her over, eventually,” Shepard took a slip of his champagne, “I hope.”

***

“That was amazing,” Steve leaned back in his chair, “thank you for having her out to cook, it was great.”

“I’m not done with surprises for today, yet,” Shepard smiled at Steve, “did you want to do gifts before cake, or after?”

“I thought my night was the gift?”

“Your night is _a_ gift, I guess. I have something a bit bigger for you though.”

“Kaidan, do you know what he’s up too?”

“No idea.”

“That’s because it’s a gift for you, and James, as well.”

“Okay, Loco, let’s hear it. Did you get him a motorcycle?”

“No.”

“A gun?”

“No.”

“Transfer the Kodiak to his name?”

“Come with me and I’ll show you,” Shepard made his way toward the back office.

James, Kaidan and Steve followed him inside, looking around the room. This was the room where Shepard did the most of his work, as such, it was also the room where the other boys didn’t spend much time, to ensure that they didn’t get in his way or bother him.”

Shepard moved over to the holograph table in the middle of the room and waved for them to join him, “stand around the table, make sure you can all see.”

Shepard pressed a button on his omni-tool, and in the middle of the table appeared a house. House may have been a bit of an understatement. The property that appeared in front of them on the table was a mansion, hidden away in a heavily forested area with the hint of mountains behind it.

“John,” Kaidan looked over the house, “what’s this?”

“The outside,” Shepard spun the hologram to show them the entire outside, “it’s grey brick, the back as you can see here, is floor to ceiling windows looking out over the mountains.”

“If you go inside,” Shepard continued, changing the view to the front entrance, “you have a fireplace, twenty foot ceilings, and the stairs upstairs.”

Shepard spent the next twenty minutes showing the boys the various features of the house. The indoor pool, the massive kitchen, the huge master suite leading to multiple smaller bedrooms within the house, the fully finished guest house outside and a large workshop, full equipped with lifts.

“What do you think?”

“I think it’s perfect,” Steve breathed, “like someone designed it with all the things we’d asked for.”

“James?”

“Yeah, Loco?”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s amazing,” James clicked on the outbuilding and looked through the fully finished workshop.

“Kaidan?”

“Where is it?”

“Vancouver.”

“You’re joking.”

“Not at all. It’s about two hours from your parents. Is there anything you guys would change?”

“You mean aside from put a price tag on it so we could actually afford it? No. I think it’s great.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Shepard pressed a few buttons and their omni-tools lit up, “because it’s ours.”

“What?” James looked over the house, “you’re rich John, but you’re not that rich.”

“I am, actually,” Shepard pressed a few buttons and the picture changed, a live view of various workers walking two and from the house they had just looked at, “it’s not finished yet, but I’ve had workers converting the mansion for about a month, so it’s not far off.”

“You’re joking,” Steve watched as the workers carried various items back and forth.

“If you check your omni-tools you’ll see your name on the deed. That was me transferring it to all of our names. Happy birthday, Merry Christmas, and every single other holiday you can think of for _all_ of you for at least the next five years.”

“You’re serious,” James re-read the incoming mail which listed him as one-quarter owner of the property, “holy shit, you’re _serious?”_

“Good surprise? It’s right near some very good schools, and we can renovate if we need too once we start thinking about kids.”

James looked at Shepard and realized he was nervous, “John, it’s amazing.”

“Yeah?” Shepard looked back at the table, “I wasn’t sure if I was doing too much? Liara said no as she helped me design it.”

“You designed all of this?” Kaidan move the view through the bedrooms again.

“With help, yeah,” Shepard watched as Kaidan and Steve went through the digital tour again, “I tried to get all of the things you guys said you wanted. Added in some extra things that I thought that we might need, like offices for Kaidan and I as we're moving to non-combat roles.”

“Amazing,” James confirmed again, “it’s perfect.”

“It is,” Steve walked over to Shepard, wrapping an arm around his waist, “it’s the perfect home for our little family.”

“John, it’s unbelievable, but we could never help you pay for it,” Kaidan looked between them, “it’s hardly fair.”

“Then you guys keep me fed,” Shepard shrugged, “K, building this house is entirely selfish on my part. I wanted to make sure you all had a reason to stay, and that I’d know you were nearby. You guys living with me? It’s enough.”

“Well,” Kaidan looked at Steve with a small smile, “I guess the bottle of red wine I bought you is going to seem pretty shitty in comparison.”

Shepard flushed, “sorry, I just needed to make sure that it was what you guys wanted. They’re working on the final steps.”

“Shepard, it’s amazing,” Kaidan reassured, “you’ve just totally screwed us over for your birthday present.”


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had the working title of "the beast" - in word, it's something like 14 pages long. 
> 
> There are graphic descriptions of bondage in this chapter, if that's something that makes you uncomfortable, you may want to skip it. 
> 
> Also - I reference music in this chapter. When I was giving bondage displays it was often done to Velvet Acid Christ, but anything with a decent beat should work for you. 
> 
> I have two more chapters in for edit, and one I'm working on. I also have another project in the works. 
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.   
Thank you, as always, for all of your support. Alilypea, you're what keeps me going.

Shepard woke up to the feeling of someone playing with his hand and realized that James was spinning the gold band where it rested on his finger.

“No taking it back, it’s mine now.”

James jumped as Shepard spoke, chuckling when he realized that Shepard had caught him, “I’m not trying to take it back, I was just playing with it.”

Shepard opened an eye and glanced down at James, “you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Did you notice the inside of yours is engraved?”

“It is?” James carefully pulled off his ring, reading the inside with a smile before sliding it back in place, “you’re so romantic.”

“I try,” Shepard yawned, wrapping his arms around James, “what time is it?”

“0700, the boys are in the shower and we’re meeting Emilio at 0800.”

“Okay,” Shepard pushed James onto his back, rolling over him, “after breakfast we need to ditch the boys and head to Lust.”

“I’m kind of excited for tonight, I want to see what you have planned.”

“I’m nervous,” Shepard kissed James’ stomach before moving to sit, “I hope I don’t let him down.”

“You won’t. Do you know what Kaidan and I are going to be doing?”

“Oh yeah, I have the whole night planned. We’ll talk before we get started,” Shepard stood up and walked to the closet, “unless you had some specific questions I can touch on now before Steve and Kaidan come out of the shower?”

“Is there going to be sex?”

“Yes,” Shepard tugged on a pair of jeans and started looking for a shirt.

“For all of us?”

“Yes,” Shepard pulled the t-shirt over his head.

“Are you going to make me bottom for anyone?”

“No,” Shepard leaned against the doorframe of the closet and smiled at James, “I would never volunteer you to bottom for anyone. If you want to bottom for Steve or Kaidan I’m fine with that, but it’s not for me to decide.”

“But you’re going to decide for Steve,” James pointed out, “that doesn’t make much sense.”

“What Steve wants is for someone, namely me, to completely take away his control for the night,” Shepard glanced to the bathroom door as it opened, Steve and Kaidan walking out wearing towels, “Steve come here a second.”

Steve walked over to Shepard, “what’s up?”

“I was just explaining to our Lieutenant how things are going to go tonight,” Shepard placed his hands on Steve’s shoulder and squeezed, “correct me if I’m wrong here, but you want me to completely control the evening, yes?”

“That’s right.”

“And that means that _I_ get to pick and choose what happens with your body, be that pleasure or pain.”

Steve swallowed hard, “yes.”

“So when I decide what happens with you tonight, it is still your choice because you have chosen to let me dictate what happens.”

“Uh-huh,” Steve was flushed, “and I have the safe word.”

“And you have the safe word,” Shepard placed a gentle kiss on Steve’s forehead, “see, baby? He’s going to love what I have planned for him.” Shepard pulled away and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

“Oh, man,” Steve shot a look at Kaidan, “I am _so fucked_.”

***

“This is where James and I leave you for the next few hours,” Shepard leaned against the car, “I have to get some supplies.”

“Any specific instructions?”

“Stay out of the bedroom until I say you can go into it. When James and I get home, I want you out of the way until the supplies are upstairs.”

Steve nodded, “alright.”

“Steve,” Shepard took his hand, “you can change your mind whenever you want, you know that, right?”

“I’m just nervous,” Steve squeezed Shepard’s hand, “I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t need to be nervous with me,” Shepard promised, “I won’t steer you wrong. Go have a relaxing afternoon with your man, we’ll be home before you know it.”

“Okay,” Steve let Kaidan pull him away, “see you soon.”

“He’s so nervous,” James got into the car, letting Shepard drive, “so nervous.”

“He’s not nervous for the reasons you’re thinking,” Shepard checked over his shoulder before pulling into traffic.

“What reasons then?”

“You’ll see. I can’t tell you now because it’ll change how you approach the night. He needs this, and it took a lot of courage for him to ask for it, so we’re going to do our best.”

James watched the cars drive past them as they made their way to Lust, “Is this something that you’re in too? Or are you just going it for Steve?”

“I used to be, I haven’t done anything like this in long enough that it’s kind of a passing interest now. I would do anything for you boys though, you know that” Shepard turned into the parking garage and brought the car to a stop.

“Like buy us a mansion.”

“Like buy you a mansion, with a garage with lifts so you can have the shop you’ve always wanted, yes.” Shepard got out of the car, pulling the metal card from his pocket, “money is just money, James. Speaking as someone who had almost none to someone who has lots, it doesn’t mean anything. It comes and goes.”

“Easy to say when you have it,” James chuckled.

“You have it too, baby, you’re on all my accounts now, didn’t you notice this morning? I had Liara put you on everything,” Shepard knocked on the door and passed the card through the slot.

James turned on his Omni-tool and felt his face blanch at the number looking back at him, “what the fuck Loco?”

Shepard smiled at Marie as she opened the door, “just don’t fuck with the investments, you can spend the rest of it.”

“Holy shit,” James turned off the account screen and looked at Shepard with his jaw hanging open, “John…”

“Yes, baby?” Shepard followed Marie down a side hallway, signaling for James to follow them.

“What the fuck, that’s a lot,” James reached out, taking Shepard’s hand, “why am I on the accounts?”

“So if I die you still have access to the money if you need it,” Shepard stepped into the room at the end of the hall when Marie opened the door, “Is this all of it, or is there still more in the warehouse?”

“The smaller items are in the bags,” Marie waved to a line of black bags, “you’re welcome to double-check.”

“Won’t be needed, I trust you.”

“Holy shit,” James dropped heavily onto a sofa in the corner of the room.

“Did you two need a moment?” Marie offered.

“Please,” Shepard watched Marie leave the room before sitting next to James, “what’s wrong?”

“I apparently just became like a multi-millionaire overnight?” James looked at Shepard, “why did you play down the money so much when we got together?”

“Why do you think?”

“Because you didn’t want me to think of you differently, or use you for the money?”

“Bingo. James, we’re getting married, everything I have is yours. It wouldn’t matter if you couldn’t see the accounts now if I die everything is willed to you anyway.”

“Yeah, but I put your name on my account and you get like nothing out of it.”

“I don’t want anything other than you as my husband, so that’s just fine by me.”

James closed his eyes, leaning heavily on Shepard, “shit.”

“You also can’t panic if you wake up one morning and it’s much lower than that, or twice as much, I don’t always do well with my deals with Liara.”

James nodded, keeping his weight on Shepard.

“Still love me?”

“What? Of course, I do,” James spun the ring on his finger, “the money doesn’t change anything.”

“So why are you freaking out?”

James considered for a minute, “I’m not sure.”

“There you go then. Congratulations, you’re rich and nothing changed,” Shepard stood, walking over to a large cloth-covered item in the middle of the room, “I hope this folds down or it won't fit in the car.”

“What is it?”

“Saint Andrews Cross, a custom one that should attach to our ceiling in the bedroom,” Shepard pulled off the cloth and James took in the large X shaped frame.

“Is that leather?” James walked over and pressed on the blue and black fabric, “nice.”

“It’s also strong enough to hold you, just in case you wanted a turn after,” Shepard found the hinges and started collapsing the structure, “Marie’s guys did a great job of this, it’s perfect.”

“Do you know what you’re going to wear tonight?”

“I have outfits for all of us, even Steve,” Shepard pointed to the bags, “in there.”

“You really got this all planned out, don’t you?” James opened one of the bags, looking through the contents.

“I do,” Shepard pressed a button by the terminal in the room and Marie came in a few minutes later.

“Are you all set?”

“I am, can you get someone to help us carry it out?”

“Certainly.”

***

“Well that’s all of it, I hope your evening goes well,” Marie shut the trunk of the car, “and whoever you’re spoiling appreciates the effort you’ve gone too.”

“He will,” Shepard tipped the Krogan and leaned back against the car, “it was a special request.”

“From someone running from something, it seems,” Marie accepted a tip from Shepard with a nod, “good luck, Commander.”

“See you soon, Marie,” Shepard waved for James to get in the car, “time to get home and set up.”

“Do you want me to message Steve and let him know we’re on our way?”

“Sure,” Shepard glanced over to James, “are you excited?”

“Yeah, I’m a little worried that Kaidan may not deal with you beating up Steve well.”

“He won’t, you’re absolutely right, which is why I’m going to have the two of you involved so he doesn’t feel out of control of the situation.”

_We’re on our way back, should be at the door in 10 minutes – JV_

_Where do I go? – SC_

_Downstairs bedroom, we have a few big packages to bring in, can you ask Kaidan to stick around to help? -JV_

_Sure – SC_

“Steve is going into the downstairs bedroom, Kaidan will be around to help us bring it all in.”

“Perfect. So tell me, are you going to be able to participate tonight, or will it be too hard for you to see your best friend in that position?”

“I think I’ll be fine. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but you mentioned sex and I’m decent at that.”

“Better than decent. Don’t worry, I’ll give you the detailed run down as we’re setting up the cross, you’ll know exactly what I need you to do.”

***

“Damn,” James looked up at the cross where it was now attached to their ceiling, “you went all out. Why black and blue?”

“His hair and his eyes,” Shepard grabbed the top bars and lifted his weight from the floor, “I got it to match him.”

“That it does,” James looked over the other bags, “anything else needs to come out?”

“All of it, but I’ll do it, I want to make sure everything is where I need it to be. Why don’t you head downstairs and ask Kaidan to come up, I’ll need to give him the same run down that I just gave you. Keep Steve calm, order some dinner but nothing heavy, and I’ll be down in about an hour.”

“Sure thing, Commander,” James winked as he walked to the door, “drinking is a no-go, I guess?”

“Drinking is a no go,” Shepard confirmed, “I want him sober, not going further than he wants too due to an alcohol-filled sense of bravery.”

James nodded and headed down the stairs, “Major, the Commander wants you upstairs for a minute, I’ll keep Steve company.”

Kaidan pulled himself from where he had been cuddling with Steve on the couch, “I’ll be back.”

“Counting on it, but I’ve got James in the meantime,” Steve smiled at James as he sat beside him, “how’s set up going?”

“He went all out, I can tell you that much. He wants us to order dinner,” James pulled up his Omni-tool, “not sure what you eat before your Commander beats the snot out of you.”

“Something light,” Steve reached out to scroll through the options, “and he’s not going to beat the snot out of me, James. This isn’t a fight, it’s not like he’s just going to punch me, fuck me, and put me to bed. It involves a bit more finesse than that.”

“Are you worried at all?”

“Should I be? It’s John. He’s well equipped and well prepared. I bet you he’s been doing nothing but researching and planning since Kaidan brought the whole thing up.”

“And Kaidan is good with it?”

“Why wouldn’t he be?”

“Because you’re asking his best friend to hurt you?”

“You’ve never done bondage before, have you?”

“Shepard tied me up once.”

“Not _really_ the same, James. You’ll see tonight, but it’s not a night that is entirely based on me being hurt. It’s a night about sensation. Intense sensation, yes, but that’s not always _bad_.”

“You’re excited?”

“Very,” Steve reassured, “how about pasta?”

“Italian sounds good to me, Esteban,” James pulled up the menu, “you pick.”

***

James watched Steve look at Shepard for the fifth time since dinner had finished, almost uneasy, “you alright, Esteban?”

“Mmhmm,” Steve glanced at James, “why do you ask?”

“You keep staring at John.”

“He’s nice to look at,” Steve tried for dismissive, “I look at you and Kaidan quite a bit as well, you just don’t notice.”

“I’ll be right back,” Shepard stood and walked from the room.

“You sure about that, Esteban, or were you just hoping that Shepard was going to get things started?”

“Oh I’m ready,” Steve took a deep breath, “getting nervous waiting, but I trust John.”

“I should hope so, considering what you’re asking of him,” Kaidan took a drink of the water they had been restricted too with dinner.

“Actually, Kaidan,” Shepard came around the corner and James felt his blood heat. Gone was the casual John Shepard, replaced by Shepard wearing black dress pants and a black dress shirt, “you asked me, not Steve.”

James felt the room shift, Steve’s eyes tilted down toward the table rather than looking at Shepard directly. An element of excitement running through the air.

“James, Kaidan, I’ve laid clothes out for you upstairs, go get changed and I’ll bring Steve up when I’m ready.”

“Yes, Commander,” Kaidan stood and waited for James to join him before heading up the stairs.

“Steve,” Shepard held out his hand, “come with me.”

Steve pushed away from the table and walked over to Shepard, taking the offered hand, “where are we going?”

“To get you changed,” Shepard directed Steve to the back bedroom, “and to chat for a minute.”

“Going to give me another chance to get out of this?”

“Yes,” Shepard sat on the bed, “because it’s the right thing to do. I’ve gotten myself into some trouble being excited when I was thinking with my smaller head. If you don’t want to do this, we can do something else.”

“I _want_ to do it, John. I need too,” Steve noticed a black bag on the bed next to Shepard, “mine?”

“Yes,” Shepard passed Steve the bag, “I’ll wait for you here.”

_We’re ready – JV_

_We’ll be up in a minute, Steve is just getting changed. Remember, it’s Commander as soon as that bedroom door shuts -JS_

_You’ve made quite the environment – JV_

“I have to admit, John, these are more comfortable than I thought they would be,” Steve stepped out of the bathroom in a pair of deep blue cotton pants, “I figured you’d have me in a leather thong or something.”

“Next time,” Shepard waved for Steve to join him, “come here and kiss me before we go upstairs.”

“Are you nervous?” Steve wrapped his arms around Shepard’s shoulders, “you keep giving me outs.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you, but I’m past the point of nerves now.” Shepard ran his hands down Steve’s back, “are you ready?”

“So ready,” Steve leaned forward to kiss Shepard, a gentle press of lips considering the activities to come, “come on, Commander, show me what you’re made of.”

“Let’s go,” Shepard stood, walking with Steve up the stairs to the bedroom door, “we’re going to go in and you’re going to take a look at the table I have set up. If there is anything on the table you don’t like we’re going to get rid of it now before we get started. You don’t have to explain why you don’t like it, just pass whatever it is to me and we’ll move on.”

“Okay, anything else?”

“Not yet. I’ll direct you as we go along,” Shepard opened the door and stepped to the side, “after you.”

Steve stepped into the bedroom and let out a gasp. The room had been transformed, large candle holders in the corners of the room holding massive white candles which lit the space. The normal light grey bedding changed for a deep black.

Steve walked over to the cross, running his hands over the soft leather, “did you have this made for tonight?”

“Yes,” Shepard walked up behind Steve, resting his hands on the top of his shoulders, “do you like it?”

“It’s amazing,” Steve turned his attention to the table across the far wall, “did you buy out Lust’s entire stock?”

“A lot of it was a custom order.”

Steve trailed his fingers over the various whips on the table, moving his way toward the other tools and toys, reaching out and grabbing two nipple clamps, passing them to Shepard.

“I don’t mind clamps. I can’t take clover clamps.”

“You don’t need to explain. This is a night for you, if you don’t like them then we don’t use them.”

“I don’t know anyone who likes clover clamps.”

“I do,” Shepard chuckled, “but I’m built tough.”

“Maybe you can let me take control one night,” Steve nodded, “nothing else.”

“Brave man,” Shepard stepped into the closet, putting the clamps away and pulling off his shirt.

“Oh fuck, you beautiful man,” Steve looked over Shepard, topless minus the leather harness his shirt had concealed.

“You think this is nice, look at our boys,” Shepard nodded toward the door where James and Kaidan stood, both dressed to match Shepard.

“This might have been my best idea yet,” Steve looked between the three, “my best idea _ever_.”

“We’ll see how you feel about that as we progress,” Shepard turned on some music, a dark song with a slow beat, “over to the cross, Kaidan, James, come here.”

Steve walked over to the cross, facing it and waiting.

“Don’t move,” Shepard walked over to the table grabbing a simple black leather collar, bringing it back over to Steve, “ready?”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, Commander,” Steve closed his eyes as he felt the leather around his neck, letting out a sigh as Shepard did it up.

“I’m going to lift him. Do up the cuffs on his arms and legs as I hold him,” Shepard lifted Steve into position, holding him still as Kaidan did up the cuffs on Steve’s left, James on his right.

“Done, Commander,” Kaidan took a step back, James doing the same a moment later.

“Alright,” Shepard slowly released Steve’s weight until he was entirely supported by the restraints and the cross, “Lieutenant, do you have a preference for safe words?”

“No Commander.”

“We’re going to use numbers, then,” Shepard pulled a ring at the top of the cross, sliding it along the track he and James had installed earlier, moving it so it was level with the bed before locking it back into place, “a scale. If I check in with you, I want you to use one if everything is good, two if you’re approaching your limit, and three will be your safe word.”

“Yes, Commander.”

“What’s your safe word?”

“Three.”

“That’s right,” Shepard ran his hands over Steve’s back in firm strokes, “when was the last time you did this?”

“It’s been years.”

“We’ll build up then,” Shepard pointed to the table, “the black one.”

Kaidan grabbed the black flogger and handed it to Shepard, hesitating slightly.

“Your man is nervous, Lieutenant,” Shepard trailed the tails of the flogger across Steve’s back.

Steve turned his head so he could see Kaidan from the corner of his eye, “I’m in good hands, Kaidan. He won’t hurt me.”

Shepard laughed, low and menacing, “oh, I’m going to hurt you,” Shepard gave a flick of his wrist and the tails of the flogger slapped against Steve’s skin loud enough Kaidan, James, and Steve jumped at the sound.

The song changed and Shepard started swinging the flogger with the beat of the music, each hit of the bass matching with the slap of the flogger across Steve’s back. James was entranced. Shepard moving with total control, the tails of the whip never hitting the sensitive line of Steve’s spine or over his kidneys, as Shepard had explained earlier.

“Oh _fuck_,” Steve relaxed into the restraints, letting them take his full weight.

“How are you doing?” Shepard paused the whip and ran his hand over the sensitive skin of Steve’s back.

“So good.”

There was a hard strike, pulling another jump from Kaidan and Steve, “I gave you a scale to use, Lieutenant.”

“Sorry, Commander. One.”

“Purple one,” Shepard held his hand out to Kaidan, passing the black flogger to James who set it on the table where it had been before, “we’re going to pick this up a bit, and you’re going to _use the scale I gave you_.”

“Yes, Commander.”

Shepard took a moment to find the beat of the song before swinging the whip again, each strike of the new whip pulling a jump and an “_ah”_ from Steve. James fought the urge to ask for a break for Steve as he noticed Steve starting to move away from the whip. Shepard had thankfully noticed.

“Lieutenant?”

“Two,” Steve took a deep breath.

“A two, already?” Shepard pressed himself along the length of Steve’s back, pinning him tight to the cross, “I’ve barely gotten started, Lieutenant.”

“I know, Commander. It’s more intense than I thought.”

Shepard pressed a kiss to Steve’s shoulder before walking around to the front of the cross, “look at me, Lieutenant.”

Steve did, flicking his eyes up to Shepard’s.

“You wanted me to push you, didn’t you?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“You want me to punish you?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Do you think you deserve to be punished, Lieutenant?”

Steve looked down and tension shot through his back.

“Look at me, Lieutenant,” Shepard’s voice was harsh, and Steve looked up immediately, “and answer the question.”

Steve swallowed, “yes, Commander. I deserve to be punished.”

Shepard closed the distance between them, looking down at Steve, “well then, let’s continue.”

“Yes, Commander.”

Shepard walked past Kaidan, a reassuring hand on his back as he leaned over to whisper in his ear, “trust me.”

“I do,” Kaidan responded immediately.

“Good,” Shepard placed the purple whip back on the table, retrieving a red one. James remembered that Shepard had called this one “bitchy” when he had shown him it earlier.

There was no pause this time, Shepard immediately bringing the whip to Steve’s skin every other beat. In the candlelight, James could see the raised welts it was leaving behind.

“Two,” Steve called out after a minute.

“I don’t recall asking, Lieutenant,” Shepard swung the whip so the tails hit Steve’s ass through his pants.

“Sorry, Commander,” Steve took a shuddering breath as Shepard walked up behind him.

“Kaidan is worried about you,” James watched Shepard’s hand wrap around the front of Steve, stroking him through his pants, “I should show him how hard this makes you.”

Steve shook his head, flushing.

“No?” Shepard reached up and undid the bolt holding the cross in position, starting to turn it in place.

“Commander, please.”

Shepard paused, “what’s your safe word?”

“Three.”

“Are you going to use it?”

Steve shook his head, and Shepard continued to spin him in place, locking the cross back into the ceiling once Steve was facing James and Kaidan. His eyes tightly closed, and true to Shepard’s observation, clearly hard and aching within the confines of the pants. James heard Kaidan give a sigh of relief.

“You’re going to show your man that you enjoy this, Lieutenant. Maybe then he’ll relax.” Shepard walked back over to the table, taking two small silver clips in his hand, “tell Kaidan how you’re feeling.”

“Amazing,” Steve kept his eyes closed, not noticing as Shepard approached and letting out a startled moan as he put the nipple clamps on Steve. The silver shining in relief to his dark skin.

“How are you feeling now, Lieutenant?”

“One.”

“You’re doing well, Lieutenant.”

“Thank you, Commander.”

Shepard raised the whip again, trailing the tails over the welts on Steve’s back, “this would be easier if you relaxed.”

“I’m trying,” Steve let out a hard breath.

“Let me control this, Lieutenant. I won’t take you further than you can handle.”

Steve nodded, taking a long breath in before slowly letting it out.

“Good boy,” Shepard took a step back, meeting Kaidan’s eyes, “watch how hard it makes him, Major. How badly he _needs_ this. Green one.”

Kaidan looked over the table, grabbing the green whip and passing it to Shepard.

“Ready?”

Steve nodded, leaning his face against the cross.

This whip must have felt different, Steve’s mouth immediately dropping open into a groan as Shepard swung it. James glanced down and noticed that Steve’s cock gave a hard twitch each time the tails made contact with his back.

Shepard was relentless, swinging the flogger in a figure-8 in front of him, a look of pure concentration on his face with each strike.

“_Fuck,”_ Steve groaned, “_yes_.”

“You’re such a slut, Lieutenant,” Shepard had a small smile on his face, “pointing to the red whip with no comment, Kaidan reaching past Steve to pass it to Shepard.

“Feel good, Lieutenant?”

“Yes, Commander. One.”

“Is that so?” Shepard took a whip in each hand, “we need to dial it up a touch.”

Steve yelped the first time the red flogger hit him, trying to jump to the side.

“Don’t move, Lieutenant,” Shepard alternated strikes between the red whip and the green.

“Sorry, Commander,” Steve forced himself still.

James lost track of time as Shepard moved, Steve settled against the cross, hard and aching as Shepard brought the whips down with no rhyme or pattern to the movement. It felt like hours had passed when Shepard stopped.

“How are you doing, Lieutenant?”

“Two,” Steve opened his eyes, looking at Kaidan, “and in the interest of full disclosure, I feel like I might cum if a slight breeze hits me.”

“Lieutenant, you’re not cuming until the rest of us do, I can promise you that. Kaidan, James, come undo his restraints.” Shepard pressed himself along the length of Steve, holding him against the cross as Kaidan and James undid he wrist and leg restraints.

“Holy shit, his back,” Kaidan winced as he noticed the welts.

“Pretty, isn’t he?” Shepard supported Steve’s weight as he took a step back, “you can hold him for a minute, while I get the room ready.”

Kaidan approached Steve almost cautiously as Shepard turned him and guided his smaller frame into Kaidan’s arms.

“Can I talk to him?”

“Of course,” Shepard started collapsing the cross, nodding for James to help him.

“Are you alright?” Kaidan carefully ran his hand over Steve’s back, pulling a pained hiss from him.

“I’m good,” Steve promised, “the Commander knows what he’s doing.”

“Thank you for that vote of confidence, Lieutenant.” Shepard slid the cross through the track up to the wall, locking it in place, “let me know when you’re ready to continue.”

“I’m ready,” Steve kissed Kaidan’s chest and turned to Shepard, “what’s next?”

Shepard sat on the edge of the bed, waving for Steve to walk over, “come here.”

Steve stood between Shepard’s legs, letting out a delighted moan as Shepard kissed him, bringing his hands to the waistband of Steve’s pants and slowly pulling them down.

“Lay down on your stomach, in the middle of the bed.”

Steve did, stretching out nude across the bed, watching as Shepard walked over to the table and grabbed a long bundle of rope.

“Do you know shibari, Commander?”

“Yes, Lieutenant,” Shepard started winding the rope around Steve, pulling the ropes snug around his body to make a strong web to support his weight. Each knot and weave adjusted and re-adjusted until Shepard felt satisfied with his work, “James, can you reach that eyehook?”

James looked up at the ceiling, “yes, Commander.”

“Feed this end through it, then bring it back to me,” Shepard passed James the end of the rope, watching as he fed it through the ring and brought him back the end, “perfect, now come stand at the end of the bed, I’m going to pull him up and you’re going to stop him from tipping. Then guide him over to me.”

James kept his hands just under Steve as Shepard pulled on the rope, Steve hovering above the bed and slowly moving Steve so he floated mid-air in front of Shepard.

“Major, over here, please,” Shepard gestured for Kaidan to take his place standing in front of Steve’s head, adjusting the rope until Steve’s face was level with Kaidan’s crotch and tying the rope off on a hook along the wall, “comfortable, Lieutenant?”

“Yes, Commander, this feels amazing.”

It was amazing. Shepard had tied multiple knots and weaved an ornate harness for Steve. The white of the rope standing out against his skin as he rocked slightly. James noticed that his legs had been tied separately to allow someone to stand between them, but Shepard had still managed to tie the ropes to balance him perfectly.

“Major, if you would be so kind as to give our Lieutenant something to keep his mouth occupied with,” Shepard walked over to the table, grabbing a butt plug and the bottle of lube, “Lieutenant, can you snap your fingers?”

Steve did.

“Perfect, as your mouth will be busy. If you snap your fingers we’ll stop. That’s the new safe word.”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Major, let’s go.”

Kaidan undid the button to his pants, pulling them down and off, grabbing the rope and pulling Steve close enough that he could take Kaidan’s rapidly hardening cock into his mouth.

“Don’t cum, Major,” Shepard passed James the butt plug and lube, “prepare him, James. Thoroughly. You’ll both be inside him tonight.”

James stood between Steve’s legs, taking his time to slide a slicked finger inside of Steve before lubing up the butt plug and pressing it inside of him. Steve whined around Kaidan’s cock, pulling a hiss from Kaidan.

Shepard sat on the edge of the bed, watching the scene in front of him with interest, “Lieutenant, this is quite a sight. Do you know what it’s missing?”

Steve shook his head the best he could considering the position.

Shepard’s biotics descended over Steve slowly, bright blue drops landing over his skin like raindrops. Steve fought against his restraints, moaning around Kaidan.

“Fuck, John, he’s going to make me cum if you keep that up.”

“Then I suggest you tell James to hurry,” Shepard reclined back on the bed, resting on his elbows.

James twisted the plug, pulling a deep groan from Steve, “I think he’s ready, Commander.”

“With the same level of preparation would you be comfortable with me fucking you?”

“Yes,” James moved the plug and added more lube, “I would.”

“Alright,” Shepard walked over to the table, grabbing something too small for James to see, “come here, Major. You’re going to fuck your man.”

Steve let out a whine as he felt Shepard’s hand settle on the sensitive skin of his back, “I won’t last, Commander.”

“Yes, you will,” Shepard dropped to one knee and reached under Steve for a moment.

“Oh no,” Steve dropped his head in defeat, “you asshole.”

Shepard landed a hard slap on Steve’s ass, “what was that, Lieutenant?”

“Sorry, Commander.”

“James, go keep his mouth busy before he gets in more trouble with it. Kaidan, your job is to fuck him until _you_ cum. No fancy moves for Steve. Understood?”

“Yes, Commander,” Kaidan walked past James, taking the lube from him as they switched places.

James pulled off his pants, moving to stand in front of Steve and moaning as Steve quickly started sucking his cock.

“Don’t you make him cum, Lieutenant. James will be inside of you before the end of the night, no matter how long you need to wait.”

Shepard moved to stand beside Kaidan as he carefully pressed inside of him, pausing when he felt Shepard’s hand on his shoulder.

Shepard leaned over with a whisper, “Give him a minute, he doesn’t bottom often. Wait until you see him relax.”

Kaidan nodded, holding Steve by his hips as he watched him suck James’ dick when he noticed Steve starting to relax he started moving. Only keeping things slow a gentle for the first few thrusts before he picked up enough of a pace that Steve was swinging back and forth within the ropes.

“Well done Major, keep going. Steve is going to need your cum as lube for when my man gets his hands on him.”

“_Fuck_,” Kaidan moaned, “do you want me to hold back, Commander?”

“Not at all, Major, feel free to cum when ready.”

Kaidan came with a groan and a bright flash of blue, panting over Steve’s back.

“Good, Major?”

“He always is,” Kaidan pulled out with a gasp, “always.”

“James,” Shepard directed Kaidan to sit on the bed, “after you, my love.”

Shepard walked back over to the table, grabbing a different bottle of lube and passing it to James as he moved to stand between Steve’s legs.

“Lieutenant?”

“One. I’m awesome.”

“Good,” Shepard moved to sit beside Kaidan, “go ahead, James.”

James moaned as he pressed into Steve, already wound up from watching Shepard with him all night, “_fuck_, Commander. He feels so good.”

“Glad to hear it, it’s my turn next,” Shepard kissed Kaidan’s shoulder.

“Yes please,” Steve moaned at each thrust, “I want to cum so bad.”

“Not yet, Lieutenant. James, stop trying to get him off. He’s wearing a _very tight_ cock ring until I say he can cum.”

“Seems selfish to just fuck him until I cum, Commander.”

“You’ll do as I say, _Lieutenant Vega_, or I’ll tie you to that cross and teach you what it means to obey.”

“_Fuck_,” James closed his eyes, “don’t talk like that.”

“I’m the Commander, _Lieutenant_, I’ll talk how I want in my own home. Shut up and cum.”

James glanced up at Shepard who arched an eyebrow at him in challenge. As tempted as James was to disobey, he knew that Shepard had planned the entire evening with James and Kaidan helping him, not hindering him.

James came with a groan, holding Steve tight against him as he shuddered through it, “_fuck_, Esteban.”

“You have a fan, Lieutenant. Congratulations, you’re the second man my husband has ever fucked.” Shepard stood, walking back over to Steve, “collect yourself, James, then I want him back on the bed.”

“Yes, Commander,” James pulled out with a hiss, “alright Esteban?”

“It’s my job to worry about the Lieutenant, James. It’s your job do to as I asked.”

“Sorry, Commander,” James helped Shepard carefully lower Steve back onto the bed.

“Lieutenant, I can either cut you out of the ropes or untie them. Do you have a preference?”

“It doesn’t matter to me, Commander,” Steve turned his head to look at Shepard as he kneeled beside the bed to look him in the eye.

“I didn’t want to bring a knife out unless you were comfortable with it,” Shepard let his thumb run over the rope where it was tight around Steve’s arm.

“I trust you.”

Shepard nodded, getting up and walking into the closet, returning with a pocketknife, “don’t move, Lieutenant.”

James watched as Shepard carefully cut through the rope in certain places along Steve’s back, arms, and legs, “don’t move, I’m going to help you up.”

Shepard passed the knife to Kaidan, leaning forward to help Steve up onto his knees and moving the rope off of the bed, “how are you feeling?”

“One.”

“Good,” once all the rope was off of the bed, Shepard waved to the couch, “Kaidan, James, go take a seat.”

Shepard stood for a moment, kicking off his pants. James immediately noticed the glint of silver at the base of Shepard’s cock.

“Shit,” Steve watched Shepard crawl back onto the bed with a look of concern on his face.

“Problem, Lieutenant?”

“I’m not sure if I can take you,” Steve blushed, “you would be the biggest I’ve ever…”

“Bottomed for? Don’t worry Lieutenant. I want your mouth first,” Shepard reclined against the headboard, “come here.”

Steve crawled over Shepard, “can I ask for something?”

“You can ask, it doesn’t mean I’ll let you have it.”

“Please kiss me. This is the longest I’ve been fucked without a kiss.”

“I can do that,” Shepard guided Steve’s mouth to meet his, a gentle kiss which quickly turned heated, Shepard eventually bringing his hand to the back of Steve’s head and pushing him down.

Steve licked the head of Shepard’s dick, looking up at him, “how long have you been hard with this ring on?”

“Long enough. Stop talking and start sucking.”

“Yes, Commander,” Steve made a show of deep-throating Shepard, glancing over to the couch and the men watching them.

“Putting on a show, Lieutenant?” Shepard chuckled, holding the back of Steve’s head as he rolled his hips into Steve’s mouth, “I think you like being used like this.”

“Mmhmm,” Steve looked up at Shepard, winking.

“You’re feeling far too confident for someone who is about to have my dick in their ass, Lieutenant. Stop trying to look pretty and _suck_. The wetter you make me, the easier it’ll be for you.”

Steve seemed to consider for a minute before deep throating Shepard again, making sure to coat his cock in ample spit as he moved.

Shepard tilted his head back against the wall, the N7 tattoo on his neck lighting up as he took a deep breath.

“Trying to hold back, Commander?” James pulled Kaidan tight against him, wrapping his arms around him.

“The ring does a good job of that for me,” Shepard pulled Steve off, “turn around.”

“Shit, okay,” Steve turned, resting his chest on the bed keeping his ass in the air.

Shepard pulled the same lube James had used over to the bed, “what’s your safe word?”

“Three.”

“Use it, if you need too,” Shepard coated his cock, holding Steve’s hips as he carefully pressed the head of his cock inside him.

Steve let out a low whine, clenching his eyes shut and gripping the bedding with white knuckles, “_fuck_.”

“Relax, Lieutenant,” Shepard rocked his hips, slowly pushing into Steve, “you’ll be fine. How are you doing?”

“Two,” Steve whimpered, “you’re huge.”

“You’re halfway,” Shepard stopped moving, “you’re going to take the rest as you’re ready. Rock back onto me.”

“I can’t,” Steve shook his head.

“You will, or I’ll fuck you at _my_ pace.”

It wasn’t true. James knew it. Kaidan knew it. Steve knew it. Shepard was going to wait until Steve was ready. The threat, as fake as it was, was enough to get Steve slowly rocking back and forth, taking more of Shepard’s cock until he felt Shepard’s hips press against his ass.

“_Fuck_,” Steve breathed out a sigh of relief, “you’re so big.”

“So you keep saying, Lieutenant,” Shepard urged Steve to come upon his knees, wrapping his arms over Steve’s chest, “new rules. Are you ready?”

“Yes, Commander,” Steve whimpered as Shepard flexed his hips, and from this angle, James could see the cock ring Shepard had wrapped around Steve.

“Any time my hand is on your neck, your hand is on my arm, like this,” Shepard closed his hand around Steve’s throat, holding firm but not enough to cut off his airways, Steve reached up and wrapped his hand over Shepard’s forearm, “good. Now, I have my blood oxygen read in my implants, so I _might_ make you dizzy, but I won’t hurt you. If you want me to let go, drop your hand.”

“Yes, Commander.”

Shepard didn’t ask Steve if he was ready to start, instead thrusting into Steve quickly, holding him up with his arm across Steve’s chest.

“_Fuck_,” Steve tried to rest his hand on the bed, finding that Shepard held him too tight to move.

“You feel good, Lieutenant,” Shepard moaned in his ear, “you like me using Kaidan’s cum as lube?”

“Yes,” Steve’s cock was leaking where it sat hard between his legs, “Commander, _please_, I need to cum.”

“Me first, Lieutenant,” Shepard’s hand closed around Steve’s throat, squeezing hard.

Kaidan tensed next to James as Steve’s moans were cut off under the pressure. Shepard’s eyes fixed on Steve’s face as he continued thrusting into Steve roughly.

“He’s okay,” James whispered into Kaidan’s ear, “Shepard has a read on his oxygen levels. Look, his biotics are fading because he’s concentrating so hard.”

Shepard nodded but didn’t look away from Steve’s face, “you’re such a slut, Lieutenant. Does it turn you on, your fiancé watching me take you like this?”

Shepard dropped his hand and Steve took a gasping breath, “yes, Commander.”

“You want me to cum, Lieutenant? So you get your turn?”

“_Yes,_ Commander.”

“Do you deserve it?” Shepard took Steve’s arms and brought them behind his back, holding his upper body up as he sped up his movements, “do you deserve all three of us?”

Steve shook his head but didn’t answer, moaning as Shepard changed the angle of his thrusts to brush over his prostate.

“Answer me, Lieutenant. I can fuck you all night.”

A particularly hard thrust ripped the answer from Steve, “_no_.”

“No?” Shepard kept moving and James wondered how he hadn’t cum yet, “you don’t?”

“No, I don’t deserve you. _Please_, Commander.”

“Maybe we should ask our men?” Shepard looked up at James and Kaidan, “do you think Steve deserves my cum?”

“Yes,” Kaidan answered immediately.

“Yes, Commander,” James agreed, “he does.”

“You hear that, Lieutenant? They think you do.”

Steve shook his head but let out a wanton moan as Shepard thrust into him harder, the bed shaking.

“I think you do,” Shepard dropped Steve’s arms and brought a hand to the middle of his back, pinning him to the bed. James watched as Shepard’s biotics started to wrap over his body.

Shepard only lasted another minute, cumming with a roar as he drove his hips hard against Steve, groaning as he curled himself over Steve’s body.

“Thank you, Commander,” Steve panted into the bed.

“We’re not done yet, Lieutenant,” Shepard took a deep breath and pulled out of Steve, sitting against the headboard, “you’re going to come up here and ride me until you cum. You’re not getting off any other way.”

Steve scrambled to crawl over Shepard, straddling him and sliding down on Shepard’s cock with a moan.

“See, you can take me no problem,” Shepard undid the cock ring from Steve and tossed it to the side, “now, ride.”

Steve started rocking his hips quickly, both hands resting on Shepard’s chest as he closed his eyes in concentration.

“You feel good, Lieutenant,” Shepard’s biotics flared again, “real good.”

Steve’s movement faltered and he shook his head, “I’m so tired, Commander.”

Shepard took Steve’s hips in his hands, rocking him back and forth, “stroke yourself, Lieutenant. Our men want to see you cum.”

Steve moaned, taking his cock in his hand and stroking himself fast enough that James couldn’t focus on its movement.

“_Yes_,” Shepard watched Steve, “if you can hold off for a minute you might make me cum again, Lieutenant.”

“_Please_,” Steve opened his eyes looking down at Shepard, “Commander, _please_.”

“You want me too?” Shepard’s biotics started to flare around his neck, the bright N7 lighting the room.

“_Please,”_ Steve tried to rock his hips, help Shepard move him, “Oh god _please_.”

Shepard’s mouth dropped open, “_fuck_.”

“Holy shit,” Kaidan gripped James’ hand, “twice?”

Shepard’s biotics crackled across the bed as he came again, “_Steve, fuck_.”

Steve was right behind him, cumming across his hand and Shepard’s chest with a keening moan, dropping down onto Shepard’s chest panting.

“Oh my god,” Steve closed his eyes as Shepard gently rocked into him for a minute before he stopped and wrapped his arms over Steve’s back.

“Alright, Lieutenant?”

“Amazing, Commander. Thank you.”

Shepard ran his hands over Steve’s back for a few minutes before speaking, “why do you deserve to be punished, Lieutenant?”

Steve froze, looking at James with a panicked expression, “I- three. I’m sorry Commander, I can’t.”

“I’m going to guess then, and you’ll tell me if I’m right. I think you feel like you should be punished for what happened with Robert. Like you could have done something to stop it.”

Steve closed his eyes and shook his head.

“I’m wrong?”

“Commander, _please._”

“I think you don’t feel like you deserve us, Lieutenant. You think that because Robert died, because of you, and the fact that you have the three of us is wrong.”

Steve shaking now and Kaidan moved to stand, stopped by James who shook his head.

“Lieutenant?”

“Yes,” Steve let out a sob, “you’re right.”

“Lieutenant, I’m going to ask you a question and you need to answer it honestly. Who in this room could have stopped the Collectors?”

Steve paused at that, looking up at Shepard, “Commander?”

“Answer me. Honestly. Not the way you _feel_, the honest truth. Of all of us in this room, who was able to stop the Collectors?”

“You?”

“Me,” Shepard agreed, “only me.”

“Commander?”

“Lieutenant,” Shepard reached a hand up to cup Steve’s cheek, “there is _nothing_ you could have done to save Robert. I’m sorry, but there isn’t.”

Steve was in tears now, looking at Shepard with a confused expression as Shepard undid the nipple clamps and dropped them on the bed.

“But,” Shepard reached up to the collar on Steve’s neck, starting to undo it, “let’s say there was something. Some small thing you could have done to save him, anything you could have done at all to keep him from the Collectors and _didn’t_.”

Steve let out a sob and Kaidan looked at James with a panicked expression.

“You paid for that tonight, in this room,” Shepard undid the collar and held it in front of Steve, “all of your debt is _paid_. You have been punished, as you wanted, for something you couldn’t control. Any possible failure you had you’ve paid for. Understood?”

Steve nodded, big tears rolling off of his face and onto Shepard’s chest.

“Steve, I’m the only person who could have gotten onto that colony and stopped the Collectors. They had a special technology that froze you in place. The Normandy was the _only_ ship that had the technology to avoid the swarms. Let me shoulder the responsibility of Robert’s death.”

“That’s not fair to you,” Steve argued.

“With what I just told you, is it fair to _you_ to be responsible?”

Steve shook his head.

“I can handle this, Lieutenant. I promise I am the _only_ person who could have done something. That makes it my responsibility, not yours. Understood?”

Steve looked at Shepard like he was something precious before nodding. Shepard took the collar and tossed it in the corner.

“Can I hug you?”

“Whenever you want, Steve,” Shepard held his arms out and Steve fell into his chest, sobbing. Shepard waved for James and Kaidan to join them, and they walked over to the bed and wrapped themselves around Steve and Shepard, holding them until Steve settled.

“I’m sorry, John,” Steve whispered, “asking you for this, it wasn’t fair.”

“You think I didn’t know why you needed it?” Shepard ran his hands over Steve’s back, “come on Steve, this is me we’re talking about.”

Steve chuckled, “still, I shouldn’t have done it.”

“I’m not upset, Steve, it’s alright. I think everyone in this room had fun.”

“Damn right, Loco, that was impressive work.”

“No complaints here, but I have to ask, are you seriously still inside of my fiancé?”

“Yes, but that needs to change in a minute because he’s more sticky than endearing,” Shepard held Steve tight against him and flipped their positions, very gently easing out of Steve, “how are you feeling?”

“Number, or just tell you?”

Shepard swatted Steve’s leg, “just tell me.”

“Not bad, a little tender, sure, but it’s mostly my back.”

“That’s because I was using the lube that Lust makes which stops the soreness,” Shepard carefully pulled off his cock ring, tossing it in the corner, “roll on your stomach and we’re going to treat your back.”

“Can’t you leave it?” Steve complained but rolled onto his stomach between Kaidan and James.

“No, Steve,” Shepard stood and walked into the bathroom, coming back with a tube of medi-gel, “not this time.”

“Okay,” Steve turned his face to Kaidan as Shepard started spreading the medi-gel with the help of James, “thanks for my birthday present.”

“You’re welcome,” Kaidan wiped the remaining tears from Steve’s face, “was it what you wanted?”

“More than,” Steve closed his eyes as James and Shepard ran their hands over his back, “it was perfect.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Shepard closed the tube and dropped it off the edge of the bed, “come with me, Steve, we’re having a shower.”

“Right now?”

“If we don’t, you’ll wish you had in the morning.”

Steve sighed but stood, following Shepard into the bathroom.

“Let’s tidy up the room, Major. It’ll help Steve relax,” James grabbed the lube and the medi-gel, walking into the closet and pulling out a large chest on wheels that Shepard had said was going to be used for the toys from Lust.

“That was intense,” Kaidan started clearing the toys from the table, passing them to James who sorted them away, “I didn’t know it had to do with Robert.”

“I didn’t either, but Shepard clearly did. I guess that’s why he gave him so many chances to get out of it.”

“I feel bad,” Kaidan looked at James, “it wasn’t fair to John.”

“John’s a big boy, Major. He would have said no if it was going to negatively affect him.”

“You sure?”

“Positive,” James closed the chest and wheeled it back into the closet, walking around the room and blowing out the candles, turning the overhead lights on low, “come here, let me take that harness off of you.”

Kaidan walked over to James, letting him unbuckle the harness before undoing James’ and passing them both to him.

“I’m exhausted,” Kaidan sat on the edge of the bed, “I hope Steve is okay.”

“Shepard has him,” James reassured, “he’s good.”

“Should we get Steve some food or something?”

“I am kind of hungry,” Steve walked from the bathroom wrapped in what James recognized as Shepard’s bathrobe, Shepard following behind him in a towel.

“We have leftover birthday cake?” Shepard offered, “cake and then bed?”

“Perfect.”

***

_Don’t panic, I had an appointment, I’ll be back with breakfast – JS_

“I swear, he has more appointments than anyone I know,” James read the message to Kaidan and Steve.

_What’s your ETA? -JV_

_Did you seriously just wake up? I’ve been gone for three hours – JS_

_What can I say, you wore me out last night – JV_

_I’ll be home in twenty minutes – JS_

_What appointment did you have? -JV_

_Keeping a promise to Steve – JS_

“To me?” Steve frowned, “what promise?”

“No idea,” James pulled himself out of bed, “let’s make coffee though.”

Steve, Kaidan, and James made their way downstairs, turning on the coffee maker and hanging out in the kitchen while they waited for Shepard.

“I can’t believe he came twice,” Steve shook his head, “I haven’t been able to do that since I was a teenager.”

“He’s amazing,” James shrugged, “it’s just a John thing.”

“Why thank you,” Shepard walked in, bags in hand.

“What appointment did you have, Loco?”

“I already told you, keeping a promise,” Shepard pulled his shirt over his head, turning his back to the group. It only took James a minute to notice _Justin Smith _and _Robert Cortez_ added to the memorial wall across Shepard’s back.

“Oh,” Steve ran his thumb over Robert’s name, “it’s beautiful.”

“I told you I would shoulder the responsibility.” Shepard looked over his shoulder at Steve, “I will.”

“Thank you, John.”

“You’re welcome, Steve.”


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

Time passed quickly on the Normandy, as it always had. Shepard leading the way during the final preparations of the crucible, all while juggling the Council, and the tentative treaties and alliances between the Krogans, and Turians.

It was clear to anyone on the Normandy that Shepard was running on borrowed energy. Dark bags had seemingly made a permanent home under Shepard’s eyes, and his already lean frame appearing leaner as more and more meals had been missed in the three weeks that had passed since Shepard had returned from the N7 mission.

“See you for dinner?” James asked, hopeful.

“I hope so, but I have a phone call with the Primarch tonight,” Shepard brushed the too-long hair back from his eyes and pulled on a baseball hat.

“John,” James reached out for Shepard’s arm as he walked past.

“Sorry, baby, I’ll see you as soon as I can.”

“Do you know we haven’t had sex in _two weeks_,” James crossed his arms over his chest, and Shepard paused mid-stride out the door, “you haven’t had dinner with me, in fact you are barely around _at all_ when I’m awake. If we didn’t work together, I would literally never see you.”

Shepard turned on his heel, looking at James, “it hasn’t been two weeks.”

“No, it’s actually closer to three, I’m just trying to give you the benefit of the doubt.” James sighed, “you can’t assume that Kaidan and Steve are going to hold down the fort just because you’re busy, John. They have a relationship too, and we don’t play apart, so I’ve been left _alone_ while they fuck in the shower and you work.”

Shepard had the decency to look embarrassed, “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t realize.”

“I know you didn’t, but shit, John, you should. I know that you haven’t done a lot in the way of relationships but if we’re getting _married_ you need to make time for me.” James sat heavily on the edge of the bed, “_please_.”

Shepard crossed the room and sat next to James, “I’m sorry, really. So many people are pulling me in so many different directions. It’s hard for me to stay on top of it all.”

“I know,” James took Shepard’s hand, linking their fingers together, “and I should make sure I tell you when I need the attention, but John, I can’t spend another night eating alone with Steve and Kaidan while we try to pretend that we don’t all miss you.”

“You’re right,” Shepard kissed the back of James’ hand, “I’ll be back tonight, I promise.”

James felt immediately better, “promise?”

“Yes, I promise. I can put the call off. I’ll be home for dinner with you three tonight and then we can do whatever you want,” Shepard stood, “but now I need to go and see if I can pull some strings for that to happen.”

“Alright, see you later.”

***

_John will be home for dinner, he promised – JV_

_You talked to him? – KA_

_Yeah, I took your advice. I really don’t think he knew how much time had passed – JV_

_Poor guy has so much on his plate. He’s been looking skinny – SC_

_We’ll make him a big meal, that will help remind him how good it is to actually eat with us – JV_

_I’m sure he’s thinking of us, James. Think about how lonely he must feel when the three of us are together upstairs and he’s stuck in one of those phone calls. He really gets the bad end of that deal – KA_

_I know – JV_

_We should spoil him tonight – KA_

_I have some ideas – JV_

_***_

_Alright, boys. We’re all done work at 1600 -JS_

_All of us? – JV_

_Yes, all of us. Garrus is taking the call with the Primarch and nothing else is going to make or break the war if it isn’t done today. We’re done at 1600 and I’m off for 24 hours -JS_

_James, who is this stranger messaging us? It sounds like John but he’s taking time off, so someone must have hacked into his Omni-tool – KA_

_I’m sorry, I know. -JS _

_Be nice, Kaidan. He just gave us the afternoon off – SC_

_I’ll try harder. – JS_

_You’re fine, Loco. Kaidan just missed you – JV_

_We all did – SC_

_You have me for the next 24 hours -JS_

“Don’t be a dick, Major,” James called over to Kaidan where he was helping Steve, “he already feels bad.”

“I didn’t mean to make him feel bad,” Kaidan sighed, “I missed him too.”

“We all miss him,” Steve slid the door of the Kodiak shut and walked over to James, “we should see if the crew will help us keep him on a schedule. I’ve noticed Tali and Liara whispering about him.”

“Joker and EDI might help too,” James offered, tidying away the last of his tools.

“I will be of assistance as required, Lieutenant.” EDIs voice came over the speaker.

“Thanks, EDI, I knew we could count on you.”

***

True to Shepard’s word, he walked into their quarters at 1610, “EDI, I’m unavailable if anyone needs me unless it’s Anderson. I already told Hackett I was taking the day off, but please direct any incoming calls to Garrus.”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Thanks, EDI,” Shepard dropped down onto the couch with a groan, throwing his hat onto the coffee table.

“Long day?”

“Have you ever tried to get out of a commitment with a Turian?” Shepard closed his eyes as he stretched, “almost impossible without starting a political incident.”

“How did you manage it?” Kaidan sat next to Shepard, resting a hand on his thigh.

“They have a lot of casual sex, but once they have a life-mate, they’re in it for life. I told him I had been ignoring my responsibilities as a life-mate and he understood, thankfully.”

“So you blamed it on me?” James joked from where he was stretched across the bed.

“No, I pretty clearly blamed it on me,” Shepard turned and kissed Kaidan, long and slow until Kaidan started tugging at his shirt, “easy, Major, we’ve got all night. Where’s Steve?”

“He is just getting dinner on,” Kaidan tugged at Shepard’s shirt again, “naked please.”

Shepard stood, pulling his shirt off, “you two need to undress too. I’m not going to be the only naked one.”

“You’re getting skinny, Loco,” James kicked off his pants before pulling the shirt over his head.

“I’ve been bad about eating. EDI brought me a sandwich at lunch today though, that was a nice surprise,” Shepard dropped onto the bed in his boxers, stretching out on his stomach, “she said she was making one for Joker and made me an extra.”

“That’s sweet,” James straddled him, stretching his body along the length of Shepard’s.

“You’re heavy,” Shepard half-heartedly complained.

“I haven’t cuddled you enough lately, I can lay on you until the Major strips.”

Kaidan stripped down to his boxers and crawled onto the bed, “come love me, please.”

James repositioned himself to lay on one side of Kaidan, Shepard moving to the other, “I miss Steve.”

“He’ll be here soon,” Kaidan promised, relaxing into the bed.

“I’m so tired,” Shepard kissed Kaidan’s shoulder, closing his eyes.

“Have a nap, Loco. I can wake you up at dinner.”

“That’s not spending time together,” Shepard protested.

“You being in our bed is spending time together,” James rolled on his side, looking at Shepard over Kaidan’s chest, “besides, I’m going to tire you out later.”

***

“Wake up, Loco,” James gently shook Shepard, “dinner time.”

“Five more minutes,” Shepard turned his head to face James, opening one eye, “I’m still tired.”

“You’ll feel better after you eat, Esteban cooked for us.”

“It smells amazing,” Shepard looked around the room, spotting Steve standing by the coffee table, “get over here, Lieutenant.”

“What?” Steve walked over to the bed, looking down at Shepard, letting out a yelp as Shepard pulled him down onto the bed, “I’m trying to serve dinner!”

“I have _missed you_, Lieutenant,” Shepard kissed Steve, rolling him onto his back and pressing him into the bed.

Steve wrapped his arms around Shepard, groaning as Shepard licked his bottom lip, “I can tell.”

“Loco, you can fuck Esteban later. Dinner time.”

“Alright,” Shepard pulled back, standing from the bed pulling Steve with him and walking over to the couch, “what did our Lieutenant make?”

“Barbeque chicken tacos, I hope that’s okay.”

“Sounds amazing,” Shepard sat next to James on the couch, “thank you.”

“I don’t know if I’ve ever met someone who is so thankful for whatever I cook,” Steve served Shepard a plate, passing it to him.

“The benefits of dating someone who went hungry, I’ll always appreciate food. I remember when Anderson took me to a grocery store for the first time. He asked me what I liked, and I told him I didn’t know. I was _so_ overwhelmed at the options,” Shepard took a bite of the food and let out a moan, “he walked me up and down the aisles, and let me pick out three things I’ve always wanted to try. It became a tradition.”

“I’ve got to ask, what were your first three things?” Kaidan asked.

“Um,” Shepard closed his eyes, trying to remember, “ice cream, cereal, and apples.”

“Quite a selection.”

“That’s nothing, when Admiral Hackett’s wife found out that I had never had apples before she came over at like 2000 and made me apple pie in the middle of the mess hall. She literally dragged me from my room to do it. She even explained all the steps even though she knew I wasn’t likely to ever make one.”

“That’s adorable, was it good?”

“I’ve never met anyone who could make a pie as good as Diane did. She spent a lot of time trying to help me with my temper. For a long time, I used to break things, throw things, or just lose my shit when things got hard. She would calm me down. I miss her a lot.”

“I have a hard time picturing Admiral Hackett married,” James shook his head, “he’s harsh.”

“He wasn’t, not with her.”

“Is he though? He was the one that told you John was on earth, not Anderson.” Kaidan reached for another serving, passing it to Shepard before he could protest.

“That’s true,” James agreed, “he also called me almost every day that you were gone to check in.”

“Did he?” Shepard chuckled, “he’s a softy at heart. They never had kids of their own, I think they kind of took Anderson’s adoption of me like they were my parents too. When I told Steven I wanted a day off to spend with you guys he didn’t even hesitate.”

“That’s sweet of him,” Kaidan stood, “beer?”

“Please.”

“See this is the way it should be,” James gestured to the table, “the four of us having dinner together.”

“I know, I’m going to make more of an effort to make sure I’m here. Please don’t let three weeks pass again if I start getting distracted.”

“Don’t worry, we won’t,” Kaidan passed Shepard a beer and took his seat again, “you didn’t see James brooding.”

“You didn’t have to listen to you two trying to fuck quietly in the bathroom while you jerked off alone,” James flipped Kaidan off, “I’m allowed to be broody.”

“You could have joined us,” Steve offered.

“John wasn’t here.”

“Okay, on that note, I’m open to changing that rule,” Shepard leaned back against the couch, “I’d still like to be around for any sex, but hand jobs, blow jobs, I’m good with that happening regardless of if I’m here or not. I’m busy now, but I’m going to be getting busier. If you want to play with Kaidan and Steve, then do it.”

“I’m okay with that too, and sex, for the record,” Steve shrugged, “I don’t mind if any of you want to fuck if I’m busy on shuttle repairs.”

“I need to think about it,” James considered, “but I’ll let you know.”

“I’m good with whatever the group decides,” Kaidan added, “I’d just like to be around for when we’re going to try something new.”

“Sure. Steve this was amazing, thank you.”

“You’re welcome John, I’m just glad you’re home for dinner.”

“Movie?” Kaidan suggested, “cuddles?”

“Sounds great,” Shepard helped James gather the plates and set them by his terminal, ignoring the ever flashing light of new messages.

“John, since you’ve been gone we’ve made a new rule for the bed.”

“What’s that, Lieutenant?”

“Must be naked to be in the bed,” Steve pointed at Shepard’s boxers, “sorry. Rules are rules.”

“This is _my_ cabin. You don’t get to make rules without me,” Shepard protested, but kicked off his boxers and moved to lay in the middle of the bed, “I’ll kick you out.”

“You wouldn’t,” James shed his remaining clothes and dropped into the bed next to Shepard, “you love us.”

Shepard smiled at Steve as he settled on the other side of him, “hey, little one.”

“Hey John,” Steve turned to face John, Kaidan laying beside him, “you seem happy.”

“I am happy,” Shepard kissed Steve’s forehead, “I’ve got a day off and I’m in bed with all of my men.”

James wrapped his arm over Shepard’s waist, “what movie are we going to watch?”

“I don’t care,” Shepard ran his fingers over Steve’s shoulder.

“Blasto?”

“No. There are movies _other_ than Blasto on the extranet.”

***

“Do you have any pictures of you and Kaidan on the SR1?” Steve asked after they had finished watching Blasto.

“A few,” Shepard pulled up his Omni-tool, casting a picture to the screen.

In the picture, Shepard and Kaidan could be seen standing together by the lockers, Shepard smiling at whoever had been taking the picture, Kaidan smiling at Shepard.

“Oh my god, Kaidan looks like a baby,” Steve beamed at Kaidan, “look how dark your hair is!”

“Yes, I get it, I’m going grey.”

“I like the grey,” Shepard pulled up another picture, this one of Kaidan and Shepard, both looking exhausted and stressed.

“What’s the story here?”

“Was that…right after Ash?”

“It was,” Shepard pointed to the screen, “I was put in a position where I had to pick between Kaidan and Ashley Williams, I think this was right when we got back.”

“How did you pick?”

Shepard looked at James and took a deep breath, “it was a selfish choice, really.”

“What do you mean?” Kaidan asked.

“I picked the one I had feelings for,” Shepard shrugged, “Garrus calls it _ruthless calculus_. I had to make a choice. Kaidan worked best with the team, he meant more to me, I picked him. Let me be clear, Ashley didn’t deserve to die. If I could have saved both of them, I would have. It’s been years and I still don’t regret my decision. Of the two evils, I made the right choice.”

“I’m grateful for it, for what it’s worth,” Kaidan reached out for Shepard, taking his hand.

“I know,” Shepard changed the picture.

In this picture, Kaidan and Shepard were standing beside each other, Shepard with his arm over Kaidan. Both of the men were in shorts, topless, Shepard’s old tattoos standing out in contrast to the tan of his skin, Kaidan sporting a bright-red sun burn across his chest and shoulders.

“Shore leave,” Kaidan chuckled, “when we learned that Shepard can get a tan in the moonlight and Canadian skin doesn’t handle sun well.”

“Shit, Loco, you weren’t kidding about the scars though,” James pointed to Shepard’s stomach, a large angry scar in the middle of it, “shotgun?”

“Yep.”

“That looks bad,” Steve frowned, “and the scar down your forearm.”

“That was N7 training, I had a window explode when I was fucking with a biotic trick.”

“Your face almost looks the same though. Kaidan was right about that scar,” Steve traced the line moving across Shepard’s jaw, “it’s almost exactly the same.”

“I got it almost the same way. I was actually mostly deaf in that ear after.”

“You two look like a couple,” James noted, “you two really didn’t have a thing on the SR1?”

“I only wish,” Shepard sighed, “I was _very_ single on the SR1. Kaidan didn’t seem interested. As heartbroken as I was when Kaidan and I met, I think I would have taken a chance with him.”

“You seem to totally miss how unapproachable you can be,” Kaidan kept his eyes on the picture.

“Want me to send you a copy?”

“Sure, do you have any others?”

“Just one.”

Shepard pulled up the picture and smiled as Steve and James immediately chimed in with loud exclamations of “aww.”

In the picture Kaidan was curled up on Shepard’s lap where he was sitting on the couch, Kaidan clearly asleep with his head tucked into Shepard’s neck, Shepard’s hand possessively wrapped around him, holding him in place.

“I don’t remember this.”

“You had a migraine, and I had been rubbing your neck. Eventually you fell asleep and Joker snapped the picture.”

“Adorable,” Steve cooed, “you guys are so cute together.”

“Is this the picture that started the betting pool?”

“It is,” Shepard chuckled, “Joker sent this to the Normandy chat, and then started a betting pool that Kaidan and I would end up together.”

“I guess he won, in the end.”

“I’m holding out that you’re marrying Steve, not me, so I still win.”

“Do you think you guys would have lasted, if you dated?” James asked, “you both seem happy where you’re at now, but I think you two would have been happy married, too.”

“Probably,” Shepard shrugged, “I’ve always had a soft-spot for Kaidan.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

“And now I’m getting jealous,” James wrapped his arm around Shepard’s stomach.

“Don’t be. I’m so in love with you it’s ridiculous. For what it’s worth I think I would have also been very happy with Steve long-term, which is likely why we’re all in a relationship. There aren’t just two good relationships here, there are multiple. Look at you and Steve, every time I turn around, you’re hanging off of one another.”

“Does it bother you?” Steve looked up at Shepard from where he was resting against his chest.

“No. Not at all. I want James happy, no matter who makes him that way.”

“You’re sweet, John.”

“Steve, I can’t believe _anyone_ would pick me. The fact I have three of you and one of you are crazy enough to marry me blows my mind. I’m not convinced that I’m not still dead and this is just my idea of heaven.”

“You had a grenade to the face three weeks ago,” James pointed out.

“Fair point.”

***

“Love you,” James whispered into Shepard’s ear as a second movie played, a rom com picked by Kaidan.

“I love you too, baby,” Shepard turned his head to kiss James’ forehead, “I’m glad you mentioned me not being around. I’ve missed this.”

“Not as much as I’ve missed you,” James trailed his fingers across Shepard’s chest, tracing the lines of the tattoos down his stomach, “and your body.”

“My body is all yours,” Shepard watched James’ hand as it made it’s slow descent down his stomach to his hips, “even if you insist on using my weak spot against me.”

“You mean this weak spot?” Steve’s hand joined James’, trailing across Shepard’s skin until they met just below his belly button.

“Yes, Lieutenant. That weak spot.”

“I would think you’re weaker here,” James reached down and cupped Shepard’s growing erection, causing Shepard to take a sharp intake of breath.

“Alright, Commander?”

“I may have not realized that it’s been three weeks, but my body sure does.”

“Sensitive?”

“Very,” Shepard closed his eyes, “but it feels amazing.”

James slowly teased Shepard until he was resting hard and heavy against his stomach, “did you have anything in mind for tonight, Loco?”

“No, I figured I needed to make it up to all of you, so I was going to let you pick,” Shepard gasped as Steve started to kiss down his chest, “but with how sensitive I am tonight I might not last long enough to be of much use.”

“I’ve seen you cum twice within 15 minutes, I think you’ll be fine,” Steve started trailing kisses down Shepard’s stomach.

“That was a special occasion, I can’t do that often.”

“Let’s test that,” Steve didn’t hesitate when he took Shepard’s cock into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks as he moved, pulling a broken moan from Shepard.

“Relax, John, let him take care of you,” Kaidan moved closer to Shepard, filling the space Steve had occupied, “you’ve been working so hard you deserve it.”

Shepard turned his head, leaning against James’ shoulder, “is this your planning?”

“Shh,” James tilted Shepard’s chin up to kiss him, “stop worrying about it.”

“_Fuck_,” Shepard looked down as Kaidan bit down on his nipple, blowing cold air over the wet skin.

“Feel good, John?” James trailed his fingers across Shepard’s stomach, bringing his hand down to stroke Shepard’s cock in time with Steve’s mouth.

“What do you think?” Shepard closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as his biotics started to trail over his skin.

“I think you’re trying to hold back.”

“Would you want this to end?”

“This is just the starting of the evening, John, we still have more planned for you.”

“Someone kiss me, _please_,” Shepard almost pleaded.

Kaidan turned Shepard’s head, kissing him deeply as James let out a moan beside them, “yeah Major, you two are beautiful together.”

James increased the speed of his hand, Steve following each pump of his hand with his mouth.

“Damnit,” Shepard’s biotics flickered, “at least let me enjoy this.”

“This won’t be the only time you cum tonight, John, we’re going to keep you going _all night_.”

“I’m already close,” Shepard let out a weak chuckle, “good luck with that.”

“Kiss the Major and let us take care of the rest.”

Shepard frantically pulled Kaidan back to him, forked tongue pressing against Kaidan’s, a hand coming up to tangle in Kaidan’s hair as he held him close.

“That’s it, John. Doesn’t it feel so good to have the three of us spoiling you? I know the Lieutenant has been waiting all day to taste you,” James sucked a bright purple hickey into the side of Shepard’s neck, “he wants you to cum _so bad_.”

Steve hummed the affirmative around Shepard’s cock, Shepard letting out a sound like a growl at the vibration.

Shepard pulled his hand from Kaidan’s hair, fisting the blankets beside Kaidan with a white knuckled grip, his biotics rolling over him in waves.

“You’re so close, aren’t you?” James whispered in Shepard’s ear, “come on, John.”

Shepard let out a groan as he came, his back arching as his biotics filled the room, “_fuck_.”

“That’s it,” James praised as Shepard arched his back through the force of his orgasm, “gorgeous.”

“Oh god, shut up,” Shepard trembled through an aftershock, his hand finding its way back into Kaidan’s hair and holding him against his chest, “you and your _fucking mouth_.”

“We love you, John,” James pressed a kiss to Shepard’s temple.

“Sweet talker.”

“Hey, if it works, it works.”


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“How are you feeling now?”

Shepard rolled his eyes, looking at James, “how do you think?”

“Well-loved?”

“Always, with you three,” Shepard glanced at Steve as he straddled Shepard, “you just sucked the life out of me, Lieutenant. Give me a minute.”

“You managed alright that night on the Citadel,” Steve arched an eyebrow.

“I was wearing an industrial cock ring, Steve. We have parts of the Normandy that aren’t made as well.”

James laughed, “it looked uncomfortable.”

“They aren’t, but they do a decent job of keeping you hard. Not that our Lieutenant can’t do that by himself,” Shepard smiled at Steve.

“You know, none of you other than Kaidan have ever actually seen what I can do in bed, outside of my blowjobs,” Steve stretched, “I’d like to think I’m good at things other than using my mouth.”

“Your blowjobs are legendary, Steve.”

“Is that why you’re marrying me, Major?”

“Certainly one of the reasons,” Kaidan rested a hand on Steve’s thigh.

“I think Shepard should bottom for you,” James stretched, “while I bottom for Shepard.”

“And Kaidan bottoms for you,” Shepard added.

“That would be a logistical nightmare,” Kaidan chuckled.

“We could do it, I’m a pro at logistical nightmares,” Shepard closed his eyes, “it would just be Steve prepping me, me prepping James, James prepping you. _Then_ we would reverse the order, you and James, James and I, then Steve. Then it’s a simple matter of getting the rhythm down. It would be slow sex, probably topped off by my biotics. It wouldn’t be fast, but it would be possible.”

The room fell silent and Shepard opened his eyes, “what?”

“We need to do that,” James nodded, “like asap.”

“Agreed,” Steve looked to Kaidan, “Major?”

“I’m good for it, it sounds amazing.”

“Tonight?” James prompted.

“I need a few minutes, honestly, I’m the second oldest here. Give me a break,” Shepard sighed, “I’m going grey too, you know.”

“It’s sexy as hell,” James brought a hand up to play with the small grey streak in the front of Shepard’s hair, “I like it long, too.”

“It needs a trim, the back is getting too long.”

“Remind me, tomorrow morning,” Kaidan looked around the room.

“Looking for something, K?”

“The lube, apparently three of us are going to need it tonight.”

“You two left it in the bathroom,” James gestured toward the door.

“Right,” Kaidan stood, “I’ll get it.”

“What’s the damn rush, shit. I just got off like five minutes ago, I’m not just a biodegradable dildo for you to use,” Shepard rolled onto his side, flipping Steve in the process, “you don’t just get to change the batteries in me, wind me up and watch me go.”

***

“Now?” James asked after 20 minutes had passed.

Shepard looked at James with an arched brow, “do you think I get it up on command?”

“Can you? That would be hot as hell.”

“You’re insane,” Shepard rolled his eyes, “I vote we find another younger boyfriend to keep up with my husband.”

“It’s hard enough to manage the four of us, I vote no,” Kaidan pulled James closer to him, “why don’t we give him something to watch?”

“Yeah? I like the way you think, Major,” James guided Kaidan onto his back, kissing him.

“John?”

“Yeah?” Shepard turned his gaze from the two men beside him to Steve.

“I’m glad you’re home.”

Shepard smiled, turning onto his side to kiss Steve, “me too.”

“It’s really not the same without you,” Steve traced the line of Shepard’s jaw with his thumb, “we missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Shepard leaned in, kissing Steve slowly, pulling him closer with a gentle hand on his lower back.

Steve hummed into the kiss, running his hand through Shepard’s hair to keep him close.

It only took a few moments for the kiss to turn heated, Shepard taking Steve’s hand and bringing it to his hip.

“As much as I would like to kiss you all night,” Steve whispered into the space between them, “I’m not tall enough to kiss you and get you ready at the same time. Flip on your stomach for me?”

Shepard did, rolling over and resting his head on crossed arms, turning to watch James and Kaidan who were so engaged with one another that they hadn’t noticed Shepard and Steve until Steve cleared his throat, pointing to the lube bottle.

“I’m not fancy enough to be able to pull that to me, can you pass it over please?”

James passed the bottle to Steve, “you ready now, Loco?”

“Getting that way,” Shepard glanced over his shoulder, “trusting that the Lieutenant is going to be gentler with me tonight than I was with him the last time around.”

“Of course,” Steve poured some lube into his hand slicking his finger before carefully pressing it inside of Shepard, “good?”

“Yes,” Shepard closed his eyes, “kind of strange for it not to be James, I’ve only bottomed for him since I died.”

“No pressure,” Steve chuckled, “I’ll do my best.”

“I trust you.”

James pat Kaidan on his side, encouraging him to also flip over onto his stomach, “good, Major?”

“Mmhmm, but who gets you ready?”

“I will, or you can,” Shepard kept himself relaxed on the bed, “probably easier for Steve to be inside of me, and James to be inside of you first, then I can get James ready.”

“How do you have this all planned out, Loco?”

“I’ve had group sex before.”

“With four people?”

“With more than that.”

“Damn.”

***

“Lieutenant, I’m not going to be any _more_ ready, Shepard rolled on his side, “come on.”

“You’re sure?”

“Very,” Shepard held still as Steve moved behind him, “how are you two making out?”

“I’ve been ready for James for the past ten minutes, stubborn ass is drawing it out,” Kaidan huffed.

“Okay okay,” James turned to Shepard, “my back to you?”

“That’s right,” Shepard guided James to where he wanted him, “now you _gently_ fuck Kaidan, and Steve will do the same for me, and then I’ll get you ready.”

Shepard heard the hiss from Kaidan as James carefully pushed inside him, “alright, Major?”

“I’m good,” Kaidan confirmed, “he’s big.”

“He is,” Shepard looked over his shoulder, “Lieutenant?”

Steve held Shepard by his hip, lining up and pressing forward slowly, Shepard letting out a low hum.

“Holy shit,” Steve rocked his hips, “I’m inside Commander Shepard.”

Shepard laughed, “congratulations, Lieutenant, quite the achievement. Pass me the lube?”

Steve handed the bottle to Shepard over his shoulder, “you might think it’s funny, but there are a lot of people who want to do this.”

“It’s good too,” James added, “very good.”

Shepard slicked his fingers, reaching for James, “ready, babe?”

“Yep,” James held still for a moment as Shepard pressed a finger inside of him, “I’m still not sure this will work.”

“Well if it doesn’t then you can fuck Kaidan and Steve can fuck me. We’ll still all have a good time.”

The room moved slowly, Steve rocking into Shepard, James moving with Kaidan as Shepard got James ready.

“Loco, I’m good,” James kissed down Kaidan’s neck, “let's see that plan in action.”

Everyone in the room seemed to hold their breath as Shepard entered James, moving closer together until the four of them were all pressed tightly against one another.

“Holy shit,” James breathed out, “I can’t believe we did it.”

“Not exactly stimulating though,” Steve added from behind Shepard, “how are we going to move?”

“Slowly, at the same time, and with some added sensation,” Shepard’s biotics slowly spread over the bed, moans falling from the lips of Kaidan and James as Steve bit down on Shepard’s shoulder.

“Move,” Kaidan pleaded, “please.”

Steve started first, pulling back his hips until he was almost entirely pulled out of Shepard. Shepard moved next, repeating Steve’s motion, then James, then together, they all pushed forward.

It took them longer than they thought to fall into a rhythm together, James slipping out of Kaidan and Steve almost falling from the bed, but eventually, they made it work.

Shepard increased his biotics, the waves rolling over them in a bright blue shimmer.

“_Yes,” _Kaidan guided James’ hand to his cock, “feels good.”

Each minute seemed to last an eternity as they rocked together, gasps and moans filling the room from all of them until they could no longer tell who they were coming from.

Kaidan came first, a shocked moan falling from his lips as he reached down to grasp James’ wrist, “_fuck_.”

Shepard pulled his biotics back from Kaidan, intensifying them over James and Steve. James came moments later, clinging to Kaidan and groaning into his neck.

“Good, baby?” Shepard slowed his movements slightly.

“So good, but I’m too sensitive to keep going.”

“No problem,” Shepard tapped Steve’s hip, “back up for a second, Lieutenant.”

Steve did, pulling out and sitting on the edge of the bed as Shepard ease himself from James.

“What now?” Steve asked.

“How do you want me?”

“Seriously, I get to pick?”

“Why not? Our boys need time to cool off,” Shepard nodded to James and Kaidan who were cuddling together.

“Uh, on your back?”

“Are you sure?” Shepard teased, but flipped onto his back and spread his legs to make room for Steve to settle between them.

“I’m sure, it’s just something special to have you bottom for me,” Steve kneeled on the bed, “any tips from your husband?”

“He’s good with it rough,” James turned his head to watch, letting Kaidan rest his head on his chest to get a better view, “and he likes praise.”

Shepard rolled his eyes, “everyone likes praise.”

“You get off on praise,” James elbowed Shepard, “you can’t tell me otherwise.”

Shepard didn’t, instead pulling Steve to him and kissing him deeply as he reached between them to position Steve, groaning as Steve sunk inside of him.

“God, John,” Steve groaned, “you feel good.”

“I need better praise than that,” Shepard rocked his hips, “and for you to fuck me please.”

“How rough is rough?”

“I’ve never tested the limits, Esteban.”

“I’ll tell you,” Shepard grabbed Steve’s hips, “now move.”

Steve didn’t waste time taking it slowly, immediately starting a fast pace with hard thrusts, the sound of skin against skin loud in the room as Shepard reached up and grabbed onto the pillow above him, “just like that, don’t stop.”

Steve moaned, but increased the pace, driving into Shepard hard enough the bed started to shake.

“Want a hand, Loco?”

“_Please_.”

James took Shepard’s cock in his hand, letting the force of Steve’s thrusts rock Shepard’s cock into his fist.

“I can’t keep this up long, John,” Steve pulled Shepard’s right leg over his shoulder, kissing his ankle as he changed the angle of his thrusts.

“You won’t need too,” Shepard arched his back slightly, “_fuck _it feels good.”

“You feel so good,” Steve moaned, “you’re amazing.”

“You two are beautiful together,” Kaidan’s deep voice pulled a gasp from Shepard.

“Come on, John,” Steve practically begged, “please.”

Shepard came with a growl, bucking into James’ hand as he pulled Steve over the edge with the force of his orgasm, the smaller man collapsing onto Shepard’s chest.

“Oh my god,” Steve clung to Shepard, closing his eyes, “you’re amazing.”

“You too,” Shepard wrapped his arms around Steve.

Steve took a moment to catch his breath, holding Shepard tightly as the afterglow settled in, “you’re not allowed to work late anymore. From now on, we have a strict _everyone_ home for dinner rule.”

“Okay,” Shepard ran his hands over Steve’s back, “I’ll make sure I’m around more.”

“I don’t care how weird our relationship is, or unconventional, we’re spending as much time together as possible while they finish the crucible.”

“Well, about that,” Shepard looked between the men in his bed, “it’s ready. We’re moving it into position in a few days.”

“What about the catalyst?” James felt a sense of dread settle in his stomach.

“We don’t have time,” Shepard gave James a small smile, “the Reapers will take earth all together if we don’t act now. Thessia, Palaven, Tuchunka, they’re right behind earth. We need to move, and we need to do it _now_.”

“Are we ready?” Kaidan frowned, “the Salarian’s still haven’t joined the alliance with the Turian’s and the Krogan.”

“They won’t, not this late in the game,” Shepard let out a hiss as Steve pulled out, “warn a man, will you?”

“Sorry,” Steve sat on the edge of the bed, “so what are we going to do?”

“Help them escort it, then make sure it’s activated.”

“Sounds dangerous.”

“It is.”

“Like, life or death dangerous.”

“Absolutely.”

“Why aren’t you more stressed out about this?” Steve pressed.

“Because life or death dangerous is like an average Friday for me, Steve,” Shepard gave him a reassuring smile, “now it’s just fun.”


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending is almost done, Alilypea almost had to fight me. I hope you're all in for a treat. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

Shepard called a meeting with the crew the next morning, Joker jumping in before Shepard had a second to call the meeting to order.

“No fucking way you’re going on another N7 mission, Shepard. No way. I’m telling you right now that if you leave this ship again, I’m calling a fucking mutiny on your ass,” Joker waved his finger in Shepard’s face, showing more bravery than most when facing Shepard, “you had no right to stress us out like that. You should have seen James, Kaidan and Steve. It was a mess.”

“You finished?” Shepard crossed his arms over his chest.

“No! You listen here. We _need_ you as our leader, John. When you died, it all went to shit. I was grounded, the crew split up, and it was awful. You can’t go out there for those missions anymore. If we lose you now, we’ll lose the war.”

“Joker-“

“Don’t argue with me, John, you know I’m right.”

“Jeff,” Shepard gently covered Joker’s mouth, “stop. I _know_ I can’t do the N7 thing anymore. I had myself taken off of the call list. For as long as I’m with the Alliance, I won’t be doing those missions, okay?”

Joker paused, then nodded.

“The crew split up when I died because there was nothing more to do at the time. I was dead for almost a year and a half before the Collectors became a real problem, and I don’t doubt for one minute that you all would have gotten back together and kicked their asses, with or without me. You can’t blame the human Alliance for not knowing what to do with a handful of alien crew members.”

Joker went to protest, but Shepard continued.

“We are a _family_ here, Joker. On the Normandy, it doesn’t matter who you are or where you came from, we’re one crew, one unit, and we always stick together. You don’t need me as the Commander to make sure that happens. The Commander is just the top of the ladder, we’re absolutely nothing without the support under us. Now, I had an important announcement, if you’re done panicking?”

Shepard withdrew his hand and Joker looked up at him sheepishly, “sorry.”

“It’s alright. I understand,” Shepard gently dropped his hand to Joker’s shoulder, “Joker, I’m sorry. Everyone had to go through losing me, but you had to watch me die, and I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”

“No,” Joker seemed to shrink, “it sucked.”

“I’m going to do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Your girlfriend has tabs on me, remember?”

“Yeah.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. Just stressed.”

“I get it.”

Shepard dropped his hand and turned to the crew, who was watching the interaction with poorly hidden interest.

“The crucible is done, well, as done as we can get it.”

“What does that mean?” Tali asked, “how do we turn it on?”

“First we have to move it, which is going to happen in two days,” Shepard leaned against the island, “look, you all know what you need to do to keep the Normandy running. For the next two days, I want you to focus on _only_ the critical operations of the Normandy. If you can get those done in half the time of your shift, spend the rest of your shift with the people you care about. I know my weird relationship isn’t the only relationship on this ship. Spend as much time as you can with the people you love. I’m trusting you to use your best judgement in doing that without inhibiting our chances of survival of the ship.”

The crew was quiet, looking between each other with worried expressions.

“I just pretty much gave you two days off, and you’re all looking like I just told you that someone brought something contagious on board. What gives?”

“Well, this is the end, isn’t it?” Liara shrugged, “if this doesn’t work...”

“We’ll think of something else,” Shepard reassured, “it’s only over when we give up. This is only the first thing we’re trying. If it works, that’s great; if it doesn’t, we can move forward with something different. The galaxy is fighting with us, Liara. There is _someone_ out there with the answer to this.”

“Aren’t you even scared?”

“With you guys as my crew?” Shepard shrugged, “how could I be?”

***

True to Shepard’s word, he walked into the mess hall at dinner time and over to James, Kaidan, and Steve.

“You’re done work?” Kaidan looked shocked, “I thought you had a call with the Council?”

“I did,” Shepard gave a non-committal shrug, “they were taking too long, so I hung up.”

“You hung up,” Steve raised an eyebrow at Shepard, “on the Council?”

“Why are you surprised, Steve? Shepard used to do that as a hobby on the SR1,” Joker waved Shepard over to get some food.

“And they made you a Spectre…why?”

Shepard made a show of flexing his arm, and James noticed Steve trying not to swoon.

“Hired muscle.”

“Shepard’s bad with the Council but good with everyone else. He was a good first choice,” Kaidan defended.

“Kaidan is the sensible one, and they know that we work together. I think they wanted to make sure that a calmer, more level-headed Spectre would take care of me,” Shepard sat down next to Kaidan, starting to eat.

“As if you listen to anything I say.”

“I listen to _everything_ you say,” Shepard kept his attention on eating, “I just don’t always agree with you. It doesn’t mean that I don’t listen.”

“Name one thing you agree with me on.”

“Steve.”

Kaidan considered “fair.”

“James.”

“Also fair.”

Shepard leaned over and whispered in Kaidan’s ear, and a bright blush coloured his cheeks.

“John,” Kaidan looked at Shepard with a scandalized expression, “don’t talk like that at the dinner table.”

Shepard winked at Kaidan and continued eating.

“Now I’m curious,” Steve looked at Kaidan, who tried to hide his blush by turning his face down to his plate.

“Me too,” James agreed.

“I said-“

“John,” Kaidan elbowed Shepard, “shut up.”

“What?”

“No.”

“Why can’t I tell them?”

“Not at the dinner table, John. God, were you raised in a barn?”

“No, a strip club.”

“Well, that explains it.”

***

“It was nice having you around for dinner, Loco,” James pushed Shepard onto the couch and sat on his lap, “two days in a row, I feel like I’m being spoiled.”

“I bought you a house, and this is spoiling you?”

“I want your time, John, not your money.”

“You have all the time I’ve got left,” Shepard pulled James down for a kiss, “I promise.”

Steve sat next to Shepard and James, “I had a crazy idea today, and I wanted to run it by you three.”

“Uh oh,” Kaidan sat on the edge of the bed, “should we be worried?”

“No!” Steve fidgeted, wringing his hands, “it’s just an _idea_. We don’t have to do it.”

“Is it a sexy idea?” James nudged Steve with his foot.

“No…”

“Let’s hear it, Lieutenant.”

“Well, Kaidan and I are getting married, and you two are getting married…”

“Yes, we know that,” Shepard prompted.

“How about a double wedding?”

“Oh,” James looked at Shepard, “huh, that’s an interesting idea.”

“I just thought,” Steve rushed on to explain, “I mean, James, I was going to ask you to be my best man anyway, and Kaidan said he was going to ask John.”

“And I was going to ask Kaidan,” Shepard chimed in.

“I was going to ask you, Esteban.”

“So why not make something that fits us, and our little,” Steve waved between them, “thing.”

“I like it,” Shepard agreed, “James?”

“Me too.”

“K?”

“Sounds good to me, we could come up with a little ceremony which ties the four of us together, too.”

“I have one condition,” Shepard held out his hand.

“What’s that?”

“I’m not planning it. I’m so _exhausted_ from planning the survival of the galaxy. When this war is over, I’m never going to plan another thing for my entire life. I’ll pay for it, but just tell me what to do.”

“I’ll plan it,” Steve volunteered, “you’ll have to give me a budget.”

“Whatever,” Shepard waved a dismissive hand, “just don’t be crazy with it. I don’t want a million people there, and we need to hire security to keep the press out.”

“Can’t we get the boy to do that? Bring in his team?” James suggested.

“The boy? You mean Grunt?”

“Yeah, our kiddo can do it.”

“_Our_ kiddo?” Shepard chuckled, “he would probably enjoy it.”

“There you go, Esteban, write that down.”

James turned to Shepard, mouthing “_aww,”_ as Steve did, pulling up his omni-tool and making a note.

“Any other suggestions,” Steve asked, omni-tool posed and ready, “colours?”

Shepard opened his mouth only to have it covered by James, “Loco, I love you, but we’re _not_ having an N7 themed wedding.”

“Oh,” Shepard shrugged, “then nope. No ideas. Anthony can do the suits, though.”

“Think Luna would cater?” Kaidan suggested.

“Likely. I can ask her.”

“Where should we have it?”

“How about our house?” Shepard pressed a few buttons on his omni-tool, and the screen behind them lit up, “it’s almost done.”

On the screen was a live feed from a camera; on it, the house could be seen with workers milling around working on various projects walking in an out of the home.

“Oh shit, you have a video on the house?”

“So do you guys, if you checked your omni-tools, I sent the link to view it to all of you. It keeps me going while I talk to the idiots on the council,” Shepard pointed to behind the house, near a large tree, “that garden could be landscaped, we could probably fit a tent and a hundred people back there.”

“Will that be enough for four families?” Kaidan considered.

“Well, James and I only have one each, other than the Normandy crew. Steve is in the same place. The question is, is it big enough for _your_ family, K?”

“Oh,” Kaidan flushed, “I’m sorry. Yeah, it would be big enough.”

“Don’t be sorry for something you can’t control, Major. When we’re all married, your family will be our family anyway,” James reassured.

“I haven’t told them about the four of us,” Kaidan nervously ran his hand through his hair, “they know about Steve, but I wasn’t sure about how to explain this.”

“No worries, K,” Shepard encouraged James to stand, taking the opportunity to walk over to the bed and sit beside Kaidan, “it’s hard to explain, and you don’t have too if you don’t want too.”

“I want too,” Kaidan blurted out, “but how do I say I have a husband and two boyfriends?”

“They’ll likely figure it out when we move into a custom house for the four of us,” Shepard kicked off his boots, “just throwing that out there.”

“People live together all the time without dating.”

“Not when they sleep in the same bedroom, K.”

“Shit,” Kaidan started to pace.

“Easy, Major,” Shepard reassured, “you’re probably best to call them, with Steve, and just explain that you have James and me in the picture too.”

“That’s going to be a weird conversation.”

“It’s going to be weirder if they find out at the wedding.”

***

“Esteban,” James flinched as the light from Steve’s omni-tool flashed over his face for a third time, turning his face into Shepard’s chest, “turn that shit off and go to sleep.”

“Sorry,” Steve whispered, trying not to wake Kaidan, “I just found something perfect for the wedding, I wanted to make sure I saved it.”

James smiled, kissing Shepard’s chest, knowing full well that the man would be awake now that Steve was talking.

“Let’s see it, Lieutenant, then maybe we can all get some sleep,” Shepard turned to Steve.

“I’m sorry, John, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“Doesn’t matter. Let’s see what has you so excited.”

Steve turned his omni-tool toward James and Shepard, showing a picture of a large tree with white fabric draped over the arm to form something that looked like a wedding arch.

“Kaidan loves trees, right? There’s that big tree in the back yard, it could work?”

“It’s beautiful,” Shepard agreed.

“If we had enough fabric, we could even make two, so we have one each to stand in,” James closed his eyes, moving his head to the middle of Shepard’s chest, “can I sleep now?”

“I’ll stop,” Steve turned off his omni-tool and settled back against the pillows, “good night.”

“Good night, Esteban.”

Shepard waited a few minutes until he was sure that James had fallen asleep before whispering to Steve, “hey, I love how excited you are for this.”

Steve smiled, “I might be going over the top; we don’t have a date yet.”

“As soon as the Reapers are dealt with, we’ll set one. I promise.”

“I think we should wait for the summer.”

“Summer it is.”

“Goodnight, John.”

“Goodnight.”

***

Steve woke up to the smell of coffee, rolling to his left, he found the bed empty next to him. Steve frowned and rolled twice to the right and frowned again when he didn’t see anyone next to him, opening his eyes and looking around the empty sleeping area.

“You’re the only one in the bed, Steve,” Shepard spoke from the stairs, a cup of coffee in each hand, “James and Kaidan had the morning shift, I worked from here.”

“Why didn’t you guys wake me up? I have the morning shift too,” Steve took the coffee gratefully.

“EDI tells me the Kodiak is perfect, and the shipment of supplies isn’t coming until this afternoon. I pushed back your shift to lunchtime to give you some time to sleep.”

“Oh,” Steve glanced at Shepard, who was still dressed in only boxers, “join me in bed for a bit?”

“Sure,” Shepard sat on the bed next to Steve, reclining back against the headboard as he drank his coffee, “any more wedding ideas?”

“Tons,” Steve changed his position, sitting next to Shepard, “I spent the night looking at wedding bands, colours, DJs, suits, you name it. That’s probably why I’m so tired today.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it well in hand,” Shepard switched which hand he held his cup in, letting him wrap the other around Steve pulling him tight against his side, “I thought it might be nice if we all had matching bands, maybe for our other hand.”

“Me too!” Steve almost spilled the coffee in his excitement, “shit, sorry, but yeah, I was thinking the same thing!”

“Perfect, let me know if you find a design you like, and we can order them.”

“I’ve found a few,” Steve blushed, “maybe we can put it to a vote later?”

“Sure,” Shepard closed his eyes, relaxing, “whatever you guys want.”

“What do _you_ want?”

“This war to be over,” Shepard didn’t open his eyes, but Steve watched his face anyway, “some time off where we can move into our house and decorate it how we want it while we plan the wedding. To get married and fly the three of you off to somewhere warm to relax for a long honeymoon. I want to _never_ put on an Alliance uniform again. I want to adopt a couple kids and be a stay at home dad. I want the first day at school drop off, watching them grow up, being a grandfather one day. I want to be fat, happy, and safe.”

“Wow, I think that’s the first time you’ve ever honestly answered that question.”

“Now,” Shepard opened one eye and looked Steve, “ask me what of that I’m actually going to get.”

“All of it,” Steve said firmly, “all of us will make sure of it.”

“I’m not so sure about that, Steve,” Shepard finished his coffee, setting the cup aside, “because it’s my job to make sure that _you_ get to have all that. It’s why I’m the Commander. I do want you to promise me something, though.”

“What?”

“If I die in the next few days, keep James with you and Kaidan, at least until he’s ready to move on.”

Steve felt his heart start to hammer in his chest, “why would you die?”

“Who do you think is on the front of the line for this move of the Crucible?”

“There are lots of soldiers on the front line.”

“There are,” Shepard agreed, “but the Reapers know who I am. They’re watching for me. That’s why we have to keep moving the Normandy.”

“You mean…”

“The Reapers are actively hunting me down,” Shepard confirmed, “not the Normandy. Me. This is why when I get dropped off on Earth, I’m sending the Normandy away.”

“John,” Steve pleaded, “you can’t.”

“I have too,” Shepard looked devastated, “Steve, I need to keep you, Kaidan, James, and the _entire_ crew safe. They depend on me.”

“But we need you,” Steve felt on the edge of tears.

“And hopefully EDI’s implant will keep me going, the Reapers will be taken care of, and you can circle back and come and get me,” Shepard let Steve climb into his lap, taking the coffee cup from his hands, “but if not, I need to know that James is taken care of.”

“Of course,” Steve tucked his face into Shepard’s neck, “of course I promise to take care of him.”

“Alright,” Shepard wrapped his arms around Steve, holding him close, “thank you.”

Steve nodded, not speaking past the lump in his throat.

“I’m going to do my best, Steve. I promise. I’ll do _everything_ I can to make it back to you.”

“You better. We’d be heartbroken if we lost you.”

“I know,” Shepard pressed a kiss to Steve’s forehead, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“With Robert,” Steve started after some time had passed, “it was a surprise. The Collectors came, and that was it. It’s strange knowing there might be a certain time I have left with you.”

“Well, you have me now,” Shepard offered, “Was there anything you wanted to do?”

“Can we just lay down together?” Steve asked.

“Of course,” Shepard let Steve off of his lap, settling down next to him.

Steve moved, so he was mostly lying on top of Shepard, listening to the steady beat of his heart as Shepard ran a soothing hand over his back.

“I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“I know.”

“Does James know?”

“Know what?”

“That the Reapers are hunting you?”

“No. I didn’t want to worry him. EDI and I only really figured it out this morning, anyway. We were trying to figure out why the Reapers were hitting the parts of New York I was in so hard. EDI tracked their movements and found that they had been redirected from other parts of Earth when I arrived.”

“That’s scary,” Steve felt goosebumps spread across his skin.

“Nah, I’ve shot one down before.”

“Yeah, and that was scary too.”

“No, that was fun.”

“John,” Steve rolled his eyes, looking up at Shepard’s face, “you almost died.”

“No, I didn’t,” Shepard argued, “I kicked his ass and didn’t even need the med bay.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You love me,” Shepard shrugged.

“Loco?” James’ voice chimed in over the speaker in the room.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Just checking in, what are you two up too?”

“Cuddling on the bed,” Steve answered, “what are you up too?”

“About that…” Shepard could tell James was blushing, “you two good if the Major and I have some fun in the Kodiak?”

“Go for it, just make sure you don’t get caught.”

“What kind of fun?” Shepard asked.

“Uh, what are you good with?”

“Anything,” Shepard answered, “I trust you.”

“So if I wanted to fuck Kaidan…”

“Make sure you don’t use gun oil as lube, but I’m fine with it.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive, baby. Have fun.”

“Well, you two are good too if you wanted to enjoy each other.”

“Kaidan’s okay with that?” Steve sounded surprised.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Kaidan’s voice came over the speaker, “sounds like I’m going to be busy for the next little while anyway.”

“See you at lunch, Loco?”

“Count on it, baby. We need to look at some rings that Steve found for the four of us.”

“Sounds great, see you both then,” James’ cut out, and Steve and Shepard shared a knowing look.

“They really like each other,” Steve commented.

“They do, but it’s hard not to like Kaidan, he’s gorgeous.”

“He is,” Steve agreed, “so are you.”

Shepard gave a non-committal grunt, continuing to run his hand up and down Steve’s back.

“You don’t think anything about yourself is attractive?”

“The new tattoos are pretty slick,” Shepard offered, “I like the biotic ink.”

“It’s very sexy,” Steve turned his head to kiss the tattoo, “it looks amazing when you’re all lit up.”

“I think you have a thing for biotics.”

“I sure do,” Steve confirmed, “I remember the first time I got Kaidan off, I didn’t know he would light up like that. I wish I had a picture of it.”

Shepard chuckled, “I’m sure Kaidan’s glad you don’t.”

“He’s not one for being recorded, no,” Steve trailed his fingers down Shepard’s chest, circling his belly button before moving lower, “are you?”

“I can’t stand the sight of myself in the mirror, so no, not really. I guess if I didn’t have to watch it I wouldn’t care.”

“Would you let me record us together?”

“If you stored it on my private server and promised not to share it with anyone but our husbands.”

“Do you have a camera?”

“You want to do it now?” Shepard glanced down at Steve, who flushed, “tell me what’s on your mind, Steve.”

“I really want to ride you again, now that I’m not so exhausted like last time.”

“And you want to record it?”

“Yes, I do.”

Shepard pulled off his omni-tool, setting it on the bedside cabinet, turning on the camera and viewfinder, bringing both Shepard and Steve into focus.

“You’re going to go for it?”

“You asked,” Shepard pulled Steve up to straddle him, “I like keeping my men happy.”

“I love you,” Steve smiled.

“I love you, too,” Shepard pulled Steve down to kiss him, reaching down to cup Steve’s ass, squeezing gently.

“I’ll make this good for you,” Steve whispered against Shepard’s lips.

“You always do,” Shepard watched as Steve trailed kisses down his chest, tugging at the waistband of Shepard’s boxers until Shepard lifted his hips for him.

“When I look at you like this,” Steve straddled Shepard again, reaching down to slowly stroke Shepard’s cock, “I wish I could show the entire galaxy how beautiful you are.”

“Sweet talker,” Shepard smiled up at Steve, “you’re the beautiful one.”

“Seriously, John,” Steve leaned forward and grabbed the bottle of lube, “if people knew how generous, kind, and just…amazing…you are with us, we would be the envied people in the galaxy.”

“Now you’re just trying to flatter me,” Shepard sat up, encouraging Steve to lay back.

“Is it working?”

“Yes,” Shepard opened the lube and slicked his fingers, “I don’t believe you, but it still makes me feel good.”

Steve let out a low groan as Shepard pressed a finger inside of him, “_god_, and if the world knew how good you were in bed, they would be chasing you down.”

“I’ve got my hands full with you three,” Shepard kissed Steve, gently curling his finger to press into the sensitive spot inside of Steve.

“I want you so bad,” Steve pulled Shepard closer, panting in his neck as Shepard slowly prepared him.

“All you’re going to see on your video is my back,” Shepard whispered to Steve as he pressed in another finger, “which is not that interesting.”

“Feels so good,” Steve closed his eyes, rolling his hips, “you feel amazing.”

“I thought you didn’t bottom?” Shepard joked as he kissed Steve’s shoulder.

“I don’t, this is a dream,” Steve was writhing on the bed as Shepard scissored his fingers.

“It’s a very good dream,” Shepard moved down the bed to take Steve’s cock in his mouth as he moved to three fingers.

“_Fuck_,” Steve looked over at the camera, making sure they were both in frame, “you look amazing doing this.”

Shepard hummed, looking up to meet Steve’s gaze, Steve bringing his hand to the back of Shepard’s head, encouraging Shepard to take him deeper into his throat.

“You’re so sexy,” Steve guided the pace of Shepard’s movement gently, “the only thing that could make you any prettier is-“

Steve stopped as Shepard brought his biotics to life, looking back at the camera, “you’re watching this with me, John, you look amazing.”

A particularly firm press to Steve’s prostate had Steve pull Shepard away from his cock with a gasp.

“Okay?”

“On your back,” Steve pat the bed and checked to make sure that Shepard was in the view frame, “I want you inside me.”

Shepard grabbed the lube and passed it to Steve, “you’ll need this.”

“Any excuse to get me to touch you,” Steve joked as he pumped some lube onto Shepard’s cock before spreading it.

“I like you touching me,” Shepard reached for Steve’s hips as he moved over top of Shepard.

“I love touching you,” Steve moved up Shepard’s body, kissing him as Shepard positioned himself, encouraging Steve to take him with a gentle press on his hip.

“Slowly,” Shepard’s voice was low as he held still, letting Steve take him at his own pace, “no need to rush.”

Steve nodded, closing his eyes as he rocked back and forth, slowly taking more of Shepard with each movement.

“You feel so good,” Shepard ran his hands up Steve’s back, gently running his nails over Steve’s back as he brought them back down to Steve’s hips, “you’re so hard for me.”

Steve groaned, as his pace increased, “touch me,” Steve was pleading, “please.”

Shepard wrapped his hand around Steve’s cock, letting him rock into his fist with each roll of his hips, “I can’t last like this,” Shepard’s biotics were starting to glow, the N7 on his neck shimmering, “stop for a minute.”

Steve did, looking down at Shepard with a smile, “alright, Commander?”

“Trying not to cum, Lieutenant,” Shepard pumped Steve’s cock quickly, “because I have a _beautiful_ man riding me, and it feels amazing.”

“_Oh_,” Steve panted as Shepard brought his biotics to cover his hand.

“You can move.”

Steve didn’t hesitate, moving over Shepard as quickly as he could manage without slipping off of the taller man. Shepard hopeless to do anything but try to hold back as Steve rode him.

“Easy, Lieutenant,” Shepard dropped his hands to the bedspread, taking the blankets in his fists.

Steve let out a whine, “touch me.”

“I can’t,” Shepard started to roll his hips to match Steve, “I won’t be able to control myself.”

“Biotics?”

Shepard’s biotics flared so brightly that Steve almost winced at the sudden brightness in the room. The blue light crashing into him in wave after wave of intense sensation.

“_Yes,_” Steve’s rhythm started to falter, “_John._”

Shepard clenched his jaw, trying to hold off until Steve came, “slow down, Lieutenant, you’re going to make me cum.”

“Yes, _please_.”

Shepard liked to think that he prided himself on being a good partner, always giving his men what they wanted, so he was hardly surprised when he came within seconds of Steve asking him too, arching his back and groaning Steve’s name.

Steve gasped as he felt the warmth of Shepard spilling inside him, following Shepard over the edge within seconds, collapsing against Shepard’s chest, panting.

Shepard ran his hands over Steve’s back as he caught his breath, kissing his shoulder.

“Damn,” Steve turned to face the camera, “you feel amazing inside me.”

“For someone who never bottomed you sure ride like a champ,” Shepard reached down to cup Steve’s ass, giving it a gentle squeeze, “it always surprises me.”

“Thank you,” Steve reached out and grabbed Shepard’s Omni-tool, turning it to video their faces as they cuddled together, before turning it off, “I can’t wait for James and Kaidan to watch that.”

“So they see that I last for,” Shepard looked at the time stamp on the video, “13 minutes?”

“They’ve both been inside me, they’ll understand.”

“You’ve got a bit of an ego there, Lieutenant.”

“Am I wrong?”

“No.”

***

James and Kaidan were trying to quietly dress in the Kodiak when the message came through.

_Steve Cortez has sent a video._

James looked at the attachment, noticing the Kaidan had received the same message, “think it’s a virus?”

“Not likely, it’s from John’s private server,” Kaidan considered for a minute, “you don’t think…”

“Think?”

“They recorded themselves? I know it’s kind of a kink for Steve, but I’m too shy to go along with it.”

_What’s the deal with the video, Esteban? -JV_

_Watch it, then thank me later – SC_

James pressed play on the video, a smile crossing his face, “looks like you’re exactly right, Major.”

“No shit?” Kaidan leaned over James’ shoulder to watch, “wow.”

“Loco has a real thing for Esteban,” James watched the two men together, “for someone who doesn’t like looking at himself. I’m surprised he would go for this.”

“Steve has a way of making people feel good about themselves,” Kaidan commented, “it makes it easier to be comfortable around him. He’s a very calming presence.”

“He is,” James agreed, “fuck, they’re beautiful together.”

“They are.”

James and Kaidan watched, holding their breaths as they watched the two men enjoy each other, chuckling as John commented on Steve’s ago.

“_Am I wrong?”_

_“No.”_

Steve reached for the camera, pulling it over toward them, so all you could see was their chests and faces as they cuddled, “I’m going to send this to our men, anything you want to say to them?”

“I love you both,” Shepard pressed a kiss to Steve’s temple, “and you, Lieutenant.”

Steve turned to Shepard with a smile, kissing him, “love you too, Commander.”

Steve looked back at the camera, “you both owe me. If you don’t tell me that was the sexiest thing you’ve seen all day, I’m never going to speak to either of you again.”

Shepard laughed, and the video cut off, James looking to Kaidan with a grin.

“Cute,” Kaidan straightened his shirt, “what do you say we go and give them our review?”

“Let’s do it, Major.”

***

James and Kaidan found Steve in the mess hall, pausing in their tracks as they saw three plates of food in front of Shepard.

“Uh, Loco?” James looked over the table, “eating for two?”

Shepard snorted, “ask Kaidan, what’s the standard protocol of being a biotic who is going to be in active combat.”

“Calories,” Kaidan gave a sigh, “do you think you’ll have me down there with you? I guess I should start throwing some extra in.”

“I think so, my plan is to bring you and James, have Steve drop us off.”

“Damnit, I hate gut loading,” Kaidan frowned, “I feel so gross.”

“I know, but it’s better than getting a migraine when the Reapers are hunting us.”

“Yeah,” Kaidan pat James on the shoulder, “take a seat, James, I’ll bring something over for you.”

“Thanks, Major.”

“He must have enjoyed himself this morning if he’s getting you lunch,” Steve commented.

“From what I saw, it looked like you two had a good time as well,” James smiled as a blush coloured Shepard’s cheeks.

“You bet,” Steve didn’t seem the least bit concerned, “it was great.”

“You already sent it to them, really?” Shepard rolled his eyes, “couldn’t wait until _after_ work?”

“Why would I?” Steve shrugged, “you’re beautiful.”

“Uh-huh,” Shepard stacked his now-empty first plate and started the second, “I was clearly thinking with my smaller head, going along with that idea.”

“Well, I had fun,” Steve spoke to James, “did you enjoy it?”

“Kaidan’s amazing, you know that.”

“I meant the video,” Steve rolled his eyes.

“It was hot, but you could use some work on your lighting,” Kaidan placed a plate in front of James.

“I had my hands full,” Shepard grumbled as he took a bite of food.

“He’s just embarrassed,” James waved off Steve’s look of concern, “he has two boyfriends and a fiancé, and he still thinks he’s not attractive.”

“I’m not,” Shepard didn’t meet James’ eyes, “people are attracted to me off of some basis that I’m a hero.”

“Loco,” James sighed, “you _are_ a hero. You’ve also got a fantastic ass, beautiful eyes, a great smile, and a body to die for.”

“As long as you’re happy,” Shepard glanced up at him for a moment, “you’re the one who’s stuck with me.”

“I’m very happy to be stuck with you, Loco.”

“Commander?” Samantha jogged up to Shepard, datapad in hand, “Admiral Hackett needs to speak with you, urgently.”

“Does he ever need to speak to me, not urgently?” Shepard groaned and stood from the table, “I’m coming. See you boys later. Hopefully, this won’t take long.”

“Love you,” James caught Shepard by the hand as he walked by, “please don’t be late.”

“I’ll do my best,” Shepard leaned forward, kissing James briefly, “love you, too.”

When Shepard left the room, Steve turned to the men at the table, “I have something to tell you, it’s not good.”

“What’s wrong?” Kaidan looked immediately panicked.

“The Reapers,” Steve whispered, “they’re hunting John.”


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit, this is a heavy one folks. 
> 
> Please stick with it to til the end of the chapter. I promise it's worth it. 
> 
> If it makes you feel better - I'm working on chapter 74 now. So... ya know...
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Okay,” James paced the length of the room for the hundredth time, “we need plans, ideas.”

“For what?” Kaidan asked from where he was sitting on the couch, “James, it’s the _Reapers_, how are three men meant to stop them?”

“We have the whole crew.”

“No,” Kaidan corrected, “_John_ has the whole crew. They follow his orders, not ours.”

“He’s going to send us away,” James exclaimed, “_us_.”

“Of course he is, James. He’s trying to keep us all safe,” Steve walked over to the larger man, stopping him from another lap around the room.

“He’s going to get himself killed,” James looked close to tears. “there must be something we can do to keep him safe.”

“I don’t know,” Kaidan started slowly, “if we stop John from his plan…”

“Kaidan, what are you thinking?” Steve sat next to Kaidan on the couch, pulling James down next to him.

“John is the best-trained soldier that we have, the only one in the galaxy that has inside knowledge on the Reapers…”

“Yeah, and?”

“He’s been preparing for this for years, he’s been the one that has planned all the movements, spoken with the Krogan, the Turians…”

“The point, Major?”

“I think,” Kaidan let out a long breath, “we have to go along with his plan. Even if it means leaving him.”

“Why the fuck would we do that?” James all but exploded, jumping to his feet again.

“James, I don’t _want to_,” Kaidan explained, “but let’s face it, John is the _only_ one in the entire galaxy that knows what’s going on, if we get in his way...”

“He survives!”

“No, James,” Kaidan disagreed, “we _all_ die. I’m not talking just about the Normandy crew, either. I mean _everyone_. All the life forms that we’ve ever known or will know in the galaxy might be wiped out if we change what John’s doing.”

James looked at him, stunned, “what?”

“Think about it, James.” Kaidan stood, taking James’ hand, “can anyone else do it?”

“No,” James whispered, blinking against the tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan squeezed James’ fingers, “if he gives the order, I’m following it.”

“Me too,” Steve spoke from the couch, wiping his face of his own tears, “James, we don’t have a choice.”

“A choice in what?” Shepard asked as he walked into the room, looking between them with concern, “what’s going on?”

“You’re going to make us leave you,” James spoke quietly, not looking at him, “and you’re going to die.”

James hoped that Shepard was going to disagree, reveal some secret plan that would see Shepard surviving the entire assault, instead, Shepard moved to sit on the edge of the bed and frowned.

“I _am_ going to make you leave me,” Shepard confirmed, “but I promise I’ll do my best to hang on until you come back for me.”

“John,” James’ breath caught, “please don’t.”

“If I had any other choice, any at all, I would take it,” Shepard promised, “if I can think of something on earth to stop it, I will.”

James hid his face in Kaidan’s shoulder, feeling both terrified of what was to come and guilty for breaking down in front of Shepard when he was making such a difficult choice.

“Baby,” Shepard walked up behind James, placing his hands on his shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

James nodded, not turning from Kaidan’s shoulder.

“I promise, I’ll do everything I can to make it back to you,” Shepard gave up on waiting for James to turn around, instead using his size to his advantage and wrapping both men in a hug, “besides, Steve’s been planning this whole wedding, I have to make it.”

James stayed curled around Kaidan, trying to reign in his emotions. Eventually, Shepard took a step back and settled slowly on the bed, pulling off his boots and tossing them in the corner of the room.

“John,” Steve spoke from the couch, “we don’t like it, but we understand.”

“I wish I didn’t have to put you through this,” Shepard sighed, looking defeated, “it’s so unfair, I just got you. I finally have a family, and now, I might lose you.”

“Not if the crucible works,” Steve offered, hopefully.

“That’s true, you can see it now, we’re beside it. It’s massive.”

“Yeah?” Kaidan asked, “how big?”

“_Massive_,” Shepard glanced up at the two doors which had been placed to cover the skylight, standing on the bed and opening them.

James pulled back from Kaidan then, moving to look up through the windows, the first time he’d ever seen it opened.

“Joker,” Shepard called through his comm-unit, “can you flip the Normandy? I want to show my boys the crucible.”

“Sure, Commander,” even Joker sounded solemn, “your winning card, right?”

“That’s right,” Shepard folded the doors back, locking them away before laying on his back under the skylight, “the thing that will save all of us.”

“Tell me when you’re ready.”

James settled beside Shepard, laying on his back and looking through the window, hundreds of Alliance ships in view as they maintained formation.

Kaidan and Steve joined them, “how many ships are there?” Kaidan asked as he tried to count.

“A couple hundred, right now. The bulk of them are joining us tomorrow,” Shepard took James’ hand, squeezing gently, “ready when you are, Joker.”

The Normandy broke away from the pack, pulling away until the Alliance ships were just small dots. Gradually, a part of a massive ship came into view.

“Holy shit,” Kaidan watched the crucible appear, “it’s huge.”

“It is,” Shepard agreed, “I’ve been funneling people, resources, crews, to help build it since we found the plans at the Mars archive. It’s the biggest project the Alliance has ever undertaken, and we did it in record time.”

“It’s amazing,” James was in awe.

“All those late nights, the missed meals,” Shepard pointed, “was because I was working on getting the supplies required to put that together.”

“John, that’s amazing.” Steve gasped.

No one in the room could disagree.

***

“Why did you promise me that you’d make it back?” James asked in a whisper, trying not to wake Kaidan and Steve.

“I’ve never broken a promise,” Shepard responded, equally quietly, “it’s motivation.”

“Do you think you’re going to survive?”

Shepard gave James a sad smile, “I don’t know.”

“I’m scared,” James felt the tears spring to his eyes again.

“Me too,” Shepard agreed, “but I’ll do my best.”

“Please don’t leave me,” James turned on his side to face Shepard, clinging to him, “_please_.”

Shepard kissed James, a soft press of lips.

“I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can,” Shepard wiped the tears from James’ cheeks, “you will.”

“What about after?”

After Shepard was gone. They both knew what he meant by after.

“Use the grey box,” Shepard suggested, “or get married to Kaidan and Steve and live happily ever after.”

“There is no happily ever after without you.”

“You’ll survive,” Shepard assured, “you’ll find a way.”

“You’re the love of my life.”

“And you’re mine,” Shepard pulled James close, wrapping around him, “so I’m going to win this, and let you live your life in peace.”

“I wanted to get married so bad,” James tried for a joke, “I don’t even have your last name yet.”

Shepard went rigid for a minute, before sitting up in a rush, pulling up his omni-tool.

“Loco?”

“Hang on,” Shepard typed out a frantic message, “I have an idea.”

Shepard’s omni-tool chimed, and Shepard immediately responded, the light of screen drawing Kaidan and Steve from sleep.

“What’s happening, is it time to go?” Kaidan rubbed his eyes.

“John’s working on something,” James sat up, trying to read Shepard’s screen, the messages moving too quickly to keep up.

“Everything okay?” Steve hid from the light, burying his face in Kaidan’s neck.

“Did you want to get married,” Shepard started, “right now?”

“What?” James asked, confused, “how?”

“Admiral Hackett,” Shepard turned to him, “will do it right now if you want.”

“Seriously?”

“You wanted my name,” Shepard shrugged, “James, I don’t know how tomorrow will go, but if you want to be married to me before it all goes down, I can do that for you.”

“Yes,” James answered immediately, “yes, let's do it.”

There was a flurry of activity in the room, the four men dressing as quickly as possible before Shepard moved to the terminal, dialing Admiral Hackett.”

“Commander,” Admiral Hackett appeared in the middle of the room, “I don’t have long.”

“I know,” Shepard took James’ hand, “we’re having a big wedding after, anyway. We just want to do this…”

“I understand, John. I’m afraid I don’t have the time to make it a big romantic exchange. Are you both okay with the basics?”

“Yes,” James agreed, “anything.”

“Do you have witnesses?”

“Yes,” Kaidan answered, “Major Kaidan Alenko and Lieutenant Steve Cortez.”

Admiral Hackett entered their names into his datapad, “are you ready?”

“Yes,” Shepard smiled at James, “I’ve been ready for months.”

“Do you, John Shepard, take this man, James Vega, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do,” Shepard answered immediately.

“And do you, James Vega, take this man, John Shepard, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do,” James couldn’t believe this was happening.

“I’m guessing you don’t have rings?”

“On order,” Steve checked his omni-tool, “won’t be here until after.”

“Right,” Admiral Hackett pressed a few buttons on his datapad, and Shepard’s and James’ omni-tools lit up, “Well, not the most romantic thing, but with the power invested in me by the Systems Alliance, I now pronounce you husband and husband. Congratulations.”

“Holy shit,” James breathed out, “we’re married.”

“Sure are,” Shepard looked thrilled.

“You better kiss the man, John,” Admiral Hackett was smiling, the first smile James had ever seen from him.

“Gladly, Admiral,” Shepard pulled James forward, kissing him deeply.

“Congratulations,” Admiral Hackett said again, “I need to go, I’ll see you tomorrow, John.”

“Thank you, Steven,” Shepard kept James in his arms.

Admiral Hackett gave a small nod before disappearing.

“I can’t believe you pulled that off,” James checked his omni-tool, smiling as he saw his new name appear in his personnel file.

“Me either.”

“Congratulations, Lieutenant Vega-Shepard,” Steve kissed James on the cheek, “and of course, congratulations to you, Commander Shepard.”

“That’s Commander Shepard-Vega,” Shepard corrected, “actually.”

“You changed your name too?” James asked, surprised.

“Of course I did,” Shepard showed the group his updated records, “if they take me out tomorrow, I want the world to know I was yours when I left.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Shepard kissed James’ temple, “husband.”

***

“Were there any other questions?” Shepard asked as he finished reading out the orders for the day.

“Doesn’t look like it, Commander,” Kaidan looked over the room, “we’re as ready as we can be.”

“James,” Shepard looked at his husband from across the room, “did you want to share the news?”

“He’s pregnant, right? That’s what happens when you sleep with so many people,” Joker called out.

“Not pregnant,” James shook his head, “I am married, though.”

There was a brief pause before the room erupted into motion, the crew surrounding them with choruses of congratulations and shock.

“When did this happen?” Liara asked, hugging James.

“Last night,” James flushed under the attention, “around midnight.”

“Why now?” Joker stood beside Shepard, who was content to watch everyone celebrate.

“Just in case,” Shepard answered quietly, “he really wanted to take my name.”

“Sweet of you,” James pat Shepard on the back, “I’ll help him get through it.”

“I appreciate it,” Shepard looked at Joker, “if I give the order to go, will you listen to me this time?”

“Yeah,” Joker frowned, “I will.”

“Thank you,” Shepard cleared his throat, and the group settled down, “for the future record, James is now Lieutenant Vega-Shepard, and I am Commander Shepard-Vega. On that note, similar to when I was away on that mission, should I be away from the ship for any period in the next few days, you are to follow the command of James, alright?”

“Alright, Commander,” Garrus agreed, “he did well last time.”

“Of course he did, he’s my husband.”

***

James could hardly believe it had gone this bad this quickly. The bulk of the crew had gathered in a mostly torn down warehouse on Earth, Shepard having just finished what Garrus had reported was an “oh shit we’re about to go into something serious speech” that Shepard was famous for.

Now, James and Kaidan were running, panicked as Shepard took cover behind a shuttle which had been knocked on its side. A temporary reprieve from the laser fire coming from the Reaper forces.

“Keep up, Kaidan!”

“Watch out!” a mako flew over the shuttle, sending James and Kaidan jumping out of the way as it exploded when it hit the ground, a shower of shrapnel and flames.

James struggled to breathe, the warm trickle of blood in his undersuit covering his side, fighting to get back on his feet. Suddenly Shepard was there, grabbing him and pulling him into cover with Kaidan.

“Normandy, do you copy?”

_Oh no_, James’ mind started to spin, “I’m fine, Loco, just winded.”

Shepard gave him a look which told James he didn’t buy it, “I need an evac, right now.”

James could hear the sound of the Normandy’s engines as it flew low overhead, “no, John, I’m not leaving.”

“You’re hurt,” Shepard kissed James’ temple, “come on.”

Shepard pulled James’ arm over his shoulders, his injury too severe to fight Shepard’s strength, as he and Kaidan ran toward the Normandy. James glanced up to see Steve standing on the ramp, bruised, but alive, reaching out to help take James’ weight.

“Take him,” Shepard wrapped James’ arm over Steve’s shoulder, “you’ve got to get out of here.”

“I’m not leaving you,” James protested, “John, please. We’ll go together.”

“Don’t argue with me, James,” Shepard pleaded, “I need you to make it out of here alive.” Shepard closed the distance between them, cupping James’ face and kissing him, “I’ll always love you.”

The sound of the Reaper behind them powering its laser drew Shepard’s attention, Shepard pulling away and starting down the ramp, “go!” Shepard waved, “I love you!”

“No!” James heard himself scream as Shepard took off, running toward the beam of light, “let me go! John!” James hoped he could hear him, “I love you!”

***

In the end, despite everything that had happened, Shepard had only one choice.

Shepard ran into the beam of light, jumping off the edge of the platform as it consumed him. As he felt the light cover him, he remembered his friends.

Liara’s soft smile.

Thanes stoic demeanor cracking from a joke.

Mordin singing in his lab, off-key, but full of joy.

Anderson watching him the first time he tried ice cream, letting him eat the entire tub himself. Shepard wondering if this was what it felt like to have a dad.

Tali and Garrus, together, in love. Finally.

Kaidan and Steve, dancing together near the shuttles while James and Shepard watched.

And James.

James’ smile, his _husbands_ smile, as he woke up that morning and greeted him, “good morning, Commander Shepard-Vega.”

Shepard hoped, in the end, the sacrifice would be worth it.

Soon, Shepard didn’t worry about anything at all.

***

“Fuck,” James punched the mostly burned out Kodiak on the way past it, “_fuck.”_

“What now?” Steve followed James, “James, what do we do?”

“How the fuck am I meant to know, I just sent my husband to die,” James turned on him, faltering then he saw Steve’s expression, “I’m sorry, Esteban.”

“James’ you’re the Commander, we need to do something,” Kaidan pulled off his helmet, a large bruise covering the left side of his face, tears mixed with blood, “John’s counting on us.”

James swore under his breath, his duty to Shepard springing him into action despite the tears streaming down his face as he signaled for Steve and Kaidan to follow him into the elevator, “EDI, get Shepard’s heart rate on the speakers, I want it on over me no matter where I am.”

“Understood Commander.”

“Joker,” James pressed the button for the CIC, “I’m headed up.”

“We aren’t leaving,” Joker protested.

“We’re keeping our promises to John,” James stopped as a sob took his voice, shaking his head once to clear it, “I’m on my way.”

“Yes, Commander.”

“All crew,” James turned on his comm-unit, “to your stations. We’re getting ready to mobilize.”

With the orders given, James focused on pulling himself together as the elevator slowly made its way to the CIC, delayed by the power being diverted to the shields.

“You’re doing great,” Kaidan put his hand on James’ chest, “Shepard’s still going.”

James could tell, the pounding of his heartbeat over the speakers above him, “EDI, is that transmitter working?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Keep him alive.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Do better than that, I want my husband back,” James sprinted from the elevator, running toward Joker as the order from Admiral Hackett came over the speakers.

“All fleets! The crucible is armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point. I repeat. Disengage and get the hell out of here!”

Joker’s hands were flying across the controls, but James could tell he was making no moves to leave.

“Joker…” James swallowed hard, “it’s time to go.”

Joker dropped his hands, looking over his shoulder at James, tears in his eyes, “damnit.”

With a swipe of his hand, the Normandy pulled away as a bright green light started to spread from the crucible, lighting up the inside of the Normandy until the FTL drive took them away.

James swayed and dropped to the floor, sobbing into his hands as Shepard’s heartbeat slowed, then stopped above him.

***

“Do something,” Kaidan begged EDI, “anything.”

“I am attempting to restart his heart,” EDI commented while her hands flew across the screen in front of her.

“I’ve got you,” Steve held James, “it’s okay.”

“EDI,” Kaidan was growing frantic as the seconds passed, “what’s happening!”

There was the sound of static above the speaker and then a pause.

“First attempt unsuccessful, second attempt,” the Normandy swayed, the sound of static above them again.

Silence.

“Come on, John,” Steve looked at the ceiling, staring at the speaker, “don’t do this to us.”

“Third attempt,” EDI closed her eyes, a uniquely human trait, Kaidan thought before he was knocked off his feet from the force of the Normandy crash landing, hitting his head off of the back of Joker’s chair, the world going black.

***

“Kaidan,” Steve was talking to him, and he sounded worried, “wake up.”

Kaidan opened one eye, turning his head until he found Steve, “what happened?”

“We crashed,” Steve looked relieved to see him awake.

“Where’s James?”

“Here,” James was sitting at his other side, out of his armour and covered in white bandages.

“John,” Kaidan remembered, trying to sit up, “we have to go!”

“Relax, Major,” James pointed up at the speaker, “EDIs got him.”

Kaidan listened, the strange beat-whirr playing overhead, “he’s okay?”

“No,” EDI disagreed, from the speaker overhead, “he is critically injured, but he is alive. I am attempting to communicate his position to Alliance forces.”

“I can’t believe it,” Kaidan looked around the med bay, finding most of the crew sitting on the various beds, “we’ve got to get to him.”

“We’re working on it, Major,” James paused, “well, someone is.”

“What do you mean?”

“It seems like John has…negotiated with the Reapers.”

Kaidan noticed James’ eyes were glowing, a strange green glow. Looking over the room, he saw that everyone had the same effect.

“What happened?”

“We don’t know,” James shrugged, “there is no communication with Earth, but there’s a Reaper working on the ship right now.”

“A Reaper.”

“That’s right.”

“John is alive?”

“Right now.”

“How the hell did he manage this?”

James shrugged.

“It’s Shepard,” Joker chimed in, “he never breaks a promise.”


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: lots of medical stuff.
> 
> Citadel squished John, he's hurt, if you're not cool with serous injuries you might dislike this chapter.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Commander,” EDIs voice came over the speaker, cutting out the sound of Shepard’s heartbeat for a moment, “I have been able to reach the Alliance forces, they are en route to Shepard.”

“Good news,” James felt himself relax slightly, “hows the read on his injuries.”

“I-“ EDI paused, and James felt Steve grasp his hand where he was next to him on the couch, “I am still uncertain if he will survive the extent of his injuries, Commander. His vital signs are very weak, and he has been without medical care for three days. If they don’t locate him soon, he will likely die from dehydration.”

“Oh,” James ran his thumb over his engagement ring, “did they give you an ETA?”

“Commander Shepard is currently buried under a large pile of rubble, they will need to carefully clear the area to get to him. I’ve been assured that it is a large crew…”

“Okay,” James closed his eyes, trying not to picture Shepard hurt under a pile of tile and brick, “keep me updated, please.”

“Yes, Commander.”

“If he made it this far, he’ll survive,” Steve reassured, “he’ll be okay.”

“He better be.”

***

It had taken another full 24 hours for Commander Shepard to be pulled from the rubble of the crucible, the Alliance soldiers surprisingly helped by the remaining Keepers.

James knew they had found him when Shepard’s heart rate had suddenly spiked.

“He is in considerable pain,” EDI had explained, “it is a reaction to the negative stimulus of being moved.”

“I know,” James watched the Reaper seal one of the many cracks in the side of the Normandy, “I want to get to him.”

“Unfortunately, we do not have an estimated time for repair.”

“Has anyone asked it?” James suggested, looking at the crew.

“No,” Garrus shook his head, “none of us want to go near it.”

“Right,” James stood, pressing the button for the airlock.

“James, wait,” Kaidan grabbed him, “it might still be dangerous.”

“It might not,” James considered, “it’s fixing the ship.”

“Still, is it worth the risk?”

“Major, don’t you want to know how long it’s going to take to get back to him?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then let me ask,” James gave Kaidan a reassuring smile.

“Let him go,” Steve pulled Kaidan’s hand away from James, “come on, he needs to know.”

With a hiss, the airlock undid, a sure sign of improvement in the condition of the Normandy that it was starting to hold pressure again.

James walked toward the front of the ship, noticing the Reaper stopping its repairs as he approached.

“Uh, hey.”

“Hello, Commander Vega-Shepard.”

James arched an eyebrow, “you know who I am?”

“Yes.”

“Alright,” James looked at the Normandy, almost laughing at the crew, staring out the window, “you’re fixing our ship?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Commander Shepard-Vega requested it.”

“You’ve spoken to him?”

“We synthesized with him.”

“What does that mean?”

The Reaper didn’t respond.

“Okay…do you know how long it will take to get us moving again?”

“Estimated time of repairs is 200 hours.”

“That’s over a week,” James looked back at the crew and held up eight fingers, “are there any more of you who could come and help? Get us moving faster?”

“Yes.”

“Can you…uh…get them here?”

“Yes.”

“Great,” James took a step back, “good talk. I’ll leave you to call your friends, and we’ll get moving again.”

“Yes.”

“Perfect,” James turned and walked back to the ship, entering in the airlock and looking at the crew who stood around him waiting for news, “so it can talk.”

“What did it say?” Liara asked.

“It said that it had “_synthesized”_ with Shepard, who told it to fix our ship, and that it’s going to take about 200 hours to get us moving,” James ran his hand through his hair, “I asked it if there were any other Reapers that could help, it said yes, so I guess it’s going to call them?”

“As if it wasn’t weird enough that your husband shot one down on foot,” Kaidan rubbed his face looking exhausted, “you’re making friends with them. You boys are going to be the death of me.”

“Excuse me,” EDI interrupted, “I have an update on Commander Shepard.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“He has been transferred to a hospital, and is now receiving fluids,” EDI sounded relieved, “he is in a coma; however, being treated by doctors.”

The crew cheered, hugging James, Steve, and Kaidan in celebration.

“Right,” James clapped his hands together, “let’s make a plan, EDI, Joker, I need you to try and figure out the best way back if the relays aren’t working. The rest of you give me a list of things that we need the Reaper to fix. Let’s go get our Commander.”

***

With the added help, it had taken five days to get the Normandy mobilized, the crew cheering loud enough as Joker pulled away from the beautiful, but foreign, the planet they had landed on, that he could hear them throughout the ship, even with the comms units not functioning correctly. 

The relays were damaged, clusters of Reapers working on their repairs as the Reaper, which had repaired their ship, helped Joker and EDI navigate back to Earth.

James hadn’t expected to be greeted by Admiral Hackett when they landed.

“Commander Vega-Shepard,” Admiral Hackett shook his hand as James came from the airlock, “it’s very good to see you in one piece. How did the rest of the crew do?”

“No fatalities,” James pointed to the ship, “she’s still pretty damaged, but we can move her if you need.”

“No time for that,” Admiral Hackett looked around the crew, “I need to get you to Shepard.”

“Is he awake?”

“No,” Admiral Hackett frowned, “no, he’s not. I should warn you now, James, he looks bad. They’ve fixed most of the burns, but he’s still missing a leg, he’s lost a lot of weight, and he’s not breathing on his own.”

“Oh,” James felt the world spin around him, steadied by Steve’s hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, James, this is what we’re going to do. We need to get Dr. Chakwas to the hospital, she’s the only know who knows his cybernetics,” Steve signaled for Kaidan to walk over, “Kaidan, can you see if you can arrange a car?”

“I’m coming too,” Garrus called out, along with the chorus of the crew.

“Good,” Admiral Hackett pulled up his Omni-tool, “I’m going to need a large transport to Vancouver hospital, stat.”

“Come on, James,” Steve whispered in his ear, “you’ll be with him in a few minutes, the crew needs leadership now.”

“Right,” James turned to the crew, “take any critical personal effects with you, everything else can be stored in your stations, EDI, try and source a place for us to stay near the hospital, then lock down the Normandy, so no one tries to move it without us knowing.”

“There are an Alliance barracks nearby,” Admiral Hackett suggested.

“With respect, Admiral, my crew is made up of more than Alliance personnel, and we’re keeping the family together.”

“Yes, Commander,” Admiral Hackett smiled, “I knew David was right about you.”

“Thank you, sir, any news on how Anderson made out?”

“Gunshot wound, some burns, but alive. He’s been asking to move into Shepard’s room.”

“So why isn’t he?” James glanced up as a large Alliance helicopter started its approach.

“Because you two are married, you’re now the next of kin. Shepard has _you_ as the person who makes all of his medical decisions.”

“Okay, we can sort it out when we get there,” James shouted over the sound of the helicopter landing, “we’re out of here in five minutes, I want to see my husband.”

***

James sprinted into the hospital, Admiral Hackett leading the way to Shepard’s room.

“You can’t be in here,” a doctor stood in front of Shepard’s room, blocking the door.

“Like fuck, I can’t, that’s my husband,” James moved to open the door, stopped by the Doctor pushing him back, “Admiral, permission to act recklessly?”

“Granted.”

James couldn’t bring himself to feel bad as his fist connected to the doctor's nose, blood covering the front of his face, “get the fuck out of my way, _pendejo_, or I’ll break your neck.”

“You need clearance,” the doctor groaned as he held his face, “Commander Shepard is under Alliance protection.”

“Commander Shepard-Vega,” James snapped, “Admiral?”

“It’s likely from the fanatics who are mad at,” Admiral Hackett waved over his eyes, “whatever this is. I can get you in, but it might take a day to go through proper channels. I hate civilian hospitals.”

“Spectre authorization,” Kaidan pushed his way to the front of the room, “I’ll clear it.”

“Thank you,” James pulled Kaidan into a quick hug before pushing the door to the room open, carefully walking inside.

What Admiral Hackett had told him could not properly prepare James for the sight of Shepard on the hospital bed.

Shepard was covered in bandages from his neck down, a bright white with small patches of red where he had started to bleed through them. A tube going down one side of his nose with a larger tube in his mouth, breathing for him, various IVs and other medications hanging from the ceiling around him. Even with all the medical equipment around him, it was immediately apparent that he had lost considerable weight and the blanket where his right leg should have been was flat against the mattress.

“Oh, Loco,” James carefully walked around to Shepard’s right side, moving a chair to sit beside the bed, “what did you do?”

Shepard didn’t answer him, not that James expected him too.

“I’ll need to see his records,” Dr. Chakwas was speaking to the doctor as she helped him with his bleeding nose.

“I need next of kin approval for that.”

“You’ve got it,” James didn’t take his eyes off of Shepard, “whatever Karin needs, get it to her. I want her taking care of him from now on.”

“You can’t just-“

“Listen here,” Admiral Hackett cut the doctor off, “I’m about one _second_ from giving Commander Vega-Shepard permission to break your neck if you keep holding us up.”

“I’ll help,” Garrus offered from where he was looking through the door.

“Me too,” Tali agreed.

“I suggest, son, you stay out of their way.”

“Fine,” the doctor rolled his eyes but handed Dr. Chakwas Shepard’s charts, “good luck saving him. He’s barely had any brain function since we’ve had him here. You’ll be lucky if he makes it the week.”

“Kaidan?”

“No problem,” Kaidan’s punch didn’t land as hard as James’ had, but there was some satisfaction in watching the doctor hit the floor and crawl from the room.

“Oh, John,” Dr. Chakwas started reviewing his charts with a tear in her eye, “you sweet man.”

“What?” Steve sat next to Shepard on his left side, taking his other hand.

“Look,” Dr. Chakwas cast Shepard’s file to the large screen above his bed.

** _Next of Kin: _ **

_James Vega-Shepard – Spouse_

** _Immediate Family Members:_ **

_David Anderson – Father_

_Steven Hackett – Father_

_Karin Chakwas – Mother_

_Kaidan Alenko – Spouse_

_Steve Cortez - Spouse_

_Garrus Vakarian – Brother_

_Urdnot Grunt - Son_

_Liara T’Soni – Sister_

_Tali Vas Normandy – Sister_

_Jeff Moreau – Brother_

_EDI Moreau – Sister_

“I don’t understand,” Tali spoke from her spot at the end of Shepard’s bed.

Dr. Chakwas wiped at a tear as it fell down her cheek, “the Commander has made it so you are _all_ members of his immediate family, per his Alliance records.”

“What does that mean?” Garrus read the screen.

“It means that he made it so you can all stay with him, should something like this happen. So far as the Alliance is concerned, you _are_ family.”

“Well yeah,” Joker shrugged, trying to play casual despite the tears in his eyes, “that’s because we _are_ family.”

***

It had been three days, and Shepard wasn’t showing signs of improvement.

“You should go get some sleep,” Kaidan suggested from the other side of Shepard’s bed, “I can keep an eye on him.”

“I’m not leaving him,” James shook his head, “I’m staying right here.”

“James,” Kaidan tried again, “I love you, but you stink, you’re exhausted, and you need some rest.”

“What if he wakes up, and I’m not here?”

“I’ll call you, I promise.”

“No,” James protested again, “I’m staying.”

“The Major is right, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas walked into the room, bringing a small cart with her, “you need rest, or you’ll end up in your own room, away from Shepard. If you don’t want to leave the hospital, I can give you access to the family relief ward, so you can at least shower and sleep for a few hours.”

“If John wakes up-“

“He won’t,” Dr. Chakwas gave a sad smile, “not today. He’s still very medicated to let his body heal. Right now, he may not even be aware that you’re with him.”

“Alright,” James stood, “call me if anything changes?”

“I promise,” Kaidan nodded, “I’ll call you if anything happens.”

“Come with me,” Dr. Chakwas led James from the room and down a long hallway, “James, I think we need to talk about your plans for Shepard, moving forward.”

“What do you mean?”

Dr. Chakwas opened a door and led into a small room similar to a hotel suite, “the Commander, he would not want to spend the rest of his life connected to machines.”

“I know,” James sat on the couch, suddenly exhausted, “but he’s going to get better, right?”

“I’m not sure, ” Dr. Chakwas sat next to him, “he’s not showing much in the way of improvement, his brain activity is very low.”

“You said that was because of the medication.”

“And it might be,” Dr. Chakwas agreed, “they did have him on a huge cocktail of medication, and it will take some time for Shepard’s body to work through it, but if in the next few days we don’t _start_ to see signs of him waking up…”

“What?”

“You’ll have to decide what comes next.”

“What, like pulling the plug?”

“Yes, James,” Dr. Chakwas took James’ hands and squeezed gently, “like taking him off of life support.”

“No,” James shook his head, “I’m not giving up on him.”

“I’m not suggesting that you do, not yet,” Dr. Chakwas reassured, “let’s give him a few more days to get the medication out of his system before we make any final choices. I just wanted you to be aware that…well…you might have to make a choice if he doesn’t start to improve.”

“No.”

“Alright,” Dr. Chakwas stood, “I need to go and change his dressings. Get some rest, we’ll come with a plan later. There are laundry facilities, a shower, and a bed just through there. Try and get a few hours rest, I’ll need your help over the next few days trying to wake Shepard up.”

“Okay.”

Dr. Chakwas closed the door behind her, and James sat on the couch, looking at his hands, his ring, and wondering what to do next. He wasn’t sure how long he had been there before he heard the door open again.

“Hey,” Steve spoke softly, “are you okay?”

“Dr. Chakwas says I’m going to make a decision in the next few days. He’s not getting better fast enough.”

“He’ll be okay,” Steve sat with James, wrapping his arms around him, “it’s just the drugs. He survived four days under that rubble to get back to you, he’s not giving up now.”

“What if…”

“No,” Steve answered firmly, “he promised. Shepard always keeps his promises.”

“I hope so,” James felt tears spring to his eyes.

“Hey,” Steve pulled James in for a hug, “it’ll be okay. Let’s get you cleaned up. You’ll feel better after some food and a shower.”

James nodded, letting Steve pull him to standing and into the bathroom, barely helping as Steve pulled his clothes off and put them in the washing machine.

“I won't make it through if he…”

“You will,” Steve assured, “you will. I know it’s a scary thought, but Kaidan and I will be there.”

“What would you do?” James asked as Steve turned on the shower and started undressing.

“Right now? I’d give him another week of getting the medication out of his system, then I’d revisit the situation. I wouldn’t make any decisions today.”

“Okay,” James let Steve pull him in the shower, “a week.”

“A week,” Steve nodded, “then we’ll go from there.”

***

Dr. Chakwas had agreed with Steve’s plan, but as day five turned into day six, James could see that she was growing less hopeful.

“I’m tempted to take him off of the biotic suppressant,” Dr. Chakwas was mostly talking to herself as she was reviewing his chart, “I could reduce the pain meds, but I don’t want him to panic around the breathing tube.”

“Keep him on the pain meds,” James ran his finger over Shepard’s wedding ring, where it sat on his dog tags for safekeeping.

“Sorry, James, I didn’t realize I was speaking out loud.”

“It’s okay,” James sighed, “he’s going to die, isn’t he?”

“No,” Dr. Chakwas sat on the bed where Shepard’s right leg should have been, “he’s stable, just not improving. At this stage, we would hope to see signs of him reacting to outside stimuli.”

“Like?”

“His eyelids twitching, him squeezing your hand when asked, gagging around the breathing tube if we move it.”

“When was the last time you tried any of that?”

Dr. Chakwas checked the chart, “noon.”

There was a quiet knock, and Kaidan opened the door, Steve in tow, “Hi guys, we’re here for the night shift. Any changes?”

“No,” James took Shepard’s hand, “not yet.”

“We still have time.”

“A day,” James frowned, “come on, John, come back to me.”

“If you’d like to try waking him, you’ll need to speak clearly, and loudly. He’s very soundly asleep,” Dr. Chakwas scanned Shepard, “his levels are good, no sign of a fever.”

“John,” James spoke louder, “squeeze my hand.”

Nothing.

“Come on, Loco, it’s time to wake up. Squeeze my hand.”

Still nothing.

The rage that took over James took him by surprise, angry tears filling his eyes as he gripped Shepard’s hand harder, “you promised, John, you _promised_ me that you’d come back.”

“James,” Steve tried to calm him, “relax.”

“No,” James felt the tears running down his face, “John Shepard-Vega, you fucking _promised_ you’d come back to me. Squeeze my hand.”

Nothing.

James’ chest shook with a sob as he dropped his head to Shepard’s stomach, Kaidan rushing around the bed to comfort him, “please don’t leave, John.”

“It’s okay,” Kaidan rubbed his back, “he’s still here. We’ll try again tomorrow.”

“I can’t leave him like this, Kaidan. You know I can’t.”

Kaidan didn’t say anything.

James sat up, clearing his throat and taking the tissue from Dr. Chakwas.

“John,” James tried again, “please squeeze my hand.”

James froze as he felt a slight change in Shepard’s grip, looking at their hands on the bed, “John?”

“Did you feel something?” Dr. Chakwas turned the scanner back on, looking at the readings on the screen.

“I don’t know, I might have imagined it.”

“Try again.”

“John? Can you hear me?” a twitch, James was sure of it, jumping to his feet, “John?”

Another movement, slightly stronger.

“I saw that one,” Steve practically cheered, “I saw his hand move.”

“I’m more interested in that,” Dr. Chakwas pointed to the readings from Shepard’s brain, lighting up like fireworks, “keep talking to him, James.”

“John, baby,” James leaned forward to speak in Shepard’s ear, “you’re safe, we’re in Vancouver hospital, the crew survived.”

“Wow,” Dr. Chakwas set down her datapad, “that’s…remarkable.”

James glanced up, watching as Shepard’s brain showed more and more activity as the seconds passed, “what does it mean?”

“All good things, James, I promise,” Dr. Chakwas patted Shepard’s good leg, “you’re alright, Commander. We’ll see you through this.”

Another squeeze, still weak, but there.

“He knows,” James lifted their joined hands slightly, showing how Shepard was actively, but weakly, holding it, “you did it, Karin.”

“We did it, Commander.”

***

James, Kaidan, and Steve had continued their rotating shifts watching over Shepard as he steadily improved over the next few days.

James was in the middle of dinner with Steve when the message came from Kaidan.

_Get back here, now – KA_

James and Steve sprinted across the hospital, nurses and doctors stepping out of their way as they made their way to Shepard’s room, throwing open the door.

“What happened?” James almost tripped as he ran into the room.

“Look for yourself,” Kaidan nodded to Shepard, who for the first time since they had arrived, was awake.

“Loco?” James moved to his bedside, “you in there?”

A weak thumbs-up was the response as Shepard studied James’ face.

“Oh Loco, you have no idea how happy I am to see those baby blues again,” James sat next to him on the bed, brushing his hair from his face, “do you know what’s going on?”

A slight shake of his head.

“The Normandy crew survived,” James started with what Shepard would care about most, “we crashed, but we’re okay. Everyone is here, in Vancouver, they come and see you every day. Understand? One squeeze for yes, two for no.”

One firm squeeze.

“You’ve been in the hospital for a while, you got pretty banged up.”

Another squeeze.

“This is the first time you’ve woken up since we got back to you, but you’re getting better every day.”

Squeeze.

“You’re missing your right leg, and you’re skinny as fuck now. You’re the new twink in our relationship.”

Two squeezes.

“Which part, the leg, or the twink?”

There was something in the way of a smile around Shepard’s breathing tube.

“I see you’re awake, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas walked into the room, “we’re delighted to see you.”

One firm squeeze.

“He’s happy to see you too,” James watched as Shepard tried to raise his arm, helping him as he started to struggle until he touched a finger to the breathing tube.

“I’m sorry, Commander, I know you don’t like them. You’re not quite awake enough yet that I feel confident removing it, but if you wake up more alert tomorrow morning, we can discuss taking it out, alright?”

A frown, then a squeeze.

“He says okay,” James pressed a kiss to Shepard’s cheek, “I missed you.”

Three firm squeezes.

“I love you too.”


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Good morning, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas greeted cheerfully as she walked into the room, finding Shepard awake and holding James’ hand, “how are you feeling today?”

Shepard shrugged slightly.

“More awake?”

“Yeah, he’s good, we’ve been talking all morning. Well, I’ve been talking, he’s been squeezing. He wants the breathing tube out.”

“We can certainly try,” Dr. Chakwas busied herself around the room, gathering supplies, “you may not be able to speak, Commander, you’ve had that breathing tube in for a few weeks. Your throat is going to be very sore.”

One squeeze.

“He’s okay with that.”

“Right, well we’re just going to sit you up, Commander, it might make you slightly dizzy,” Dr. Chakwas moved the bed to sitting, “alright?”

Shepard gave a slight nod.

“Alright,” Dr. Chakwas passed James a pan, “you’ll need to hold this near his chin, he’ll likely gag as I remove it.”

“Got it.”

“James, we brought you coffee,” Kaidan walked into the room, cup in hand, “oh, look who’s finally awake.”

Shepard rolled his eyes.

“Don’t make fun of him, Kaidan, he had most of the Citadel squish him,” Steve sat near the window, “time to take the tube out?”

“Yes,” Dr. Chakwas pulled on a pair of gloves, “I’m going to pull the tube out as quickly as possible then put an oxygen mask on you. Don’t panic if you feel short of breath for the first few minutes. Ready, Commander?”

“When you are.”

“Ready, Shepard?”

A slight nod.

Dr. Chakwas was incredibly fast, pulling the tube from Shepard’s mouth so quickly that he barely gagged before the oxygen mask was placed over his mouth, “slow deep breaths, Commander.”

Shepard’s grip on James’ hand tightened, almost painful.

“You’re okay, Loco, just take it slow.”

After a few minutes, Shepard relaxed, swallowing with a wince.

“Well done, Commander. You’ve made incredible progress these past few days,” Dr. Chakwas tidied the room.

“Hi boys,” Shepard’s voice was hoarse, almost unrecognizable, but it still pulled a smile from the three men in the room.

“Hey, Loco.”

“I love you,” Shepard rasped out.

“We love you too.”

***

They moved Anderson into Shepard’s room a few days later, their beds across from one another.

“I’ve made arrangements for Emilio to get here,” Anderson told James, “it’s going to take a few days, but he’ll be around.”

“Thanks, David, I appreciate it.”

“Anything for my son in law.”

“Where’s my ring?” Shepard’s still hoarse voice asked, “did it survive?”

“It did,” James pulled the chain from under his shirt, showing the bent piece of gold, “kind of.”

“Ah shit,” Shepard frowned, “I was hoping it had made it out better than I did.”

“I think you look pretty good, Loco.”

“You’re my husband, you have to say that,” Shepard pouted, “I miss my leg.”

“Another few weeks and your prosthetic will be ready.”

“More surgery,” Shepard grumbled.

“John, they were talking to me about taking you off of life support, I’m just so glad that you’re awake I don’t care if you have two legs or not.”

“Did our house survive?”

“Oh,” James sat next to Shepard on his bed, “I don’t know, I haven’t looked.”

“Where have you been staying?”

“Here, in the hospital,” James scrolled through their messages to find the link for the cameras, “I haven’t left since I got here.”

“James, that’s been what, like three weeks?”

“I have no idea,” James shrugged, “I don’t care, I’m not leaving you.”

“Aren’t you bored?”

“Nope,” James found the link and clicked on it, expecting to find the house demolished.

To his surprise, it wasn’t.

“Damn, it made it,” Shepard looked over James’ shoulder, “that’s amazing.”

“Some broken windows, but yeah, it looks alright.”

“Is there a guest room for me?”

“Always,” Shepard confirmed, resting back against the bed with a groan, “I’m so hungry.”

“Well, they took your feeding tube out this morning, and it’s almost lunchtime, I guess they’ll let you eat food today.”

“I hope so, or I might eat my other leg.”

***

“James, go.”

“I’m not leaving you, Loco.”

“Baby,” Shepard rolled his eyes from where he was sat in the wheelchair he used to get around the hospital grounds, “I’ve been in here for five weeks. You haven’t left, or _shaved,_ in five weeks. Why don’t you go and check out our new place with Kaidan and Steve?”

“Who is going to take care of you?”

“It’s a hospital, babe, it’s full of people who take care of people.”

James frowned.

“Baby, I’m fine,” Shepard reassured, “I promise I’ll be okay if you leave. If it makes you feel better, send one of the boys back here to keep me company.”

James sat on the bench next to Shepard’s wheelchair, “I don’t want to leave you.”

“James,” Shepard reached out, taking his hand, “I’m not going to die if you go.”

“I know,” James shook his head, “but it feels like you might.”

“I promise I’ll be okay. I was crushed by the Citadel and tamed the Reapers to be with you, I’m not going to let a hospital take me out.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, baby, I’m sure. Go check out the house, _shave_, get some clean clothes on. You can come back tonight or tomorrow, and I’ll still be here.”

“Who did you want me to send to keep you company?”

“Actually, Commander, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind if I spent some time with him,” Admiral Hackett’s voice came from behind the bench.

“Admiral,” James stood and saluted.

“Honestly, son, enough of that,” Admiral Hackett took a seat on the bench.

“Okay,” James sighed, the urge for a decent meal, shower, and a bed winning out, “I’ll be back for dinner.”

“If you want, I don’t mind you staying home and sleeping in a real bed, either,” Shepard pulled James down for a kiss, “just let me know.”

James nodded, “see you later, goodbye, Admiral.”

“Commander,” Admiral Hackett gave a nod as James slowly walked from the communal room, “how are you feeling, John?”

“Like total shit,” Shepard answered honestly, “but better.”

“I have some news for you.”

“Oh? Am I court-martialed for the whole thing?”

“Of course not,” Admiral Hackett laughed, “but you’re going to need some new dog tags.”

***

“Hey Commander,” Steve joked as he walked into Shepard’s hospital room, “James managed an hour before asking me to come and keep an eye on you.”

“It’s Admiral.”

“What?” Steve sat beside Shepard, taking up the space his right leg would have occupied.

“You called me Commander,” Shepard smiled at Steve, “it’s Admiral, now.”

“Seriously?” Steve beamed, “since when?”

“About five minutes after James left,” Shepard yawned, “Admiral Hackett came to tell me. Alliance brass wanted me promoted ASAP. James is staying Commander, too. Admiral Hackett is going to take him out to dinner later in the week to tell him they want to do some big televised thing once I’m walking again.”

“That’s great news.”

“I filed for retirement today,” Shepard continued, “I’ve had enough.”

“Understandable, are you still working with the Council?”

“For a year,” Shepard nodded, “then I’m going to be a house husband.”

“I’ve been thinking of getting out, too,” Steve took Shepard’s hand, “it’s almost cost me two men that I love. I’m ready for some peace.”

“I’ll sign the forms if you put them through,” Shepard shifted to the side, pulled Steve to lay next to him, “Kaidan’s doing up his as well, he told me last night.”

“I know, that just leaves James.”

“I don’t think he’s far behind you,” Anderson spoke from his bed, “he was talking to me about some office work he could do, but he’s concerned about leaving the Normandy behind.”

“I understand that, but other than Joker, most of the crew are ready to move on with their lives. We’ve seen more combat than anyone should.”

“You certainly have,” Anderson agreed.

“First things first,” Steve interrupted, “do you have some time to go over flowers for the wedding?”

“Absolutely.”

***

“Are you ready?” James asked as they got ready to wheel Shepard into what was hopefully his final surgery.

“I hate this shit,” Shepard grumped as Dr. Chakwas walked around him, “I’ve been in the hospital for six weeks. I want to go home.”

“Stop grumbling, Admiral, it’s below you.”

“Clearly it’s not,” Shepard crossed his arms over his chest, “stupid leg.”

“This is a top of the line prosthetic, Shepard, it will let you resume your normal duties.”

“I’m retiring, Karin, I’ll be sitting behind a desk for the rest of my life.”

“Well, think of how difficult other activities might be with only one leg,” Dr. Chakwas started wheeling Shepard’s bed down the hall to the operating room, “and you have three men to keep up with.”

“Karin,” Shepard glanced over his shoulder at her, “did you just make a sex joke?”

“I don’t know, Admiral, did I?”

Shepard laughed, and James felt his heart warm at the sound, “alright, Karin, but this is it. Everything else ugly and broken on me can stay that way.”

“Yes, Shepard understood. James, I’m afraid this is where we leave you my dear. Kaidan and Steve are in the waiting room, it will take about four hours.”

“Okay,” James leaned over, kissing Shepard gently, “come back to me, Loco.”

“I always do,” Shepard gave James a reassuring smile, “see you soon.”

***

“Are you ready, Admiral?” Dr. Chakwas stood in front of Shepard.

“Sure,” Shepard swung his legs off the side of the bed, “but even as skinny as I am, I still don’t want you catching me if I fall.”

“No, it’s probably not wise,” Dr. Chakwas waved for Kaidan and James, “one of you on each side, please. Admiral, take it slowly, it’s been weeks since you’ve stood. Your muscles are weak, even with the cybernetics.”

“Got it,” Shepard slid forwards, dropping his feet to the ground before slowly pushing himself to stand with a wince, “still really sore.”

“I’m afraid it will be for some time,” Dr. Chakwas agreed, “stand straight, you’re hunching over.”

“It hurts,” Shepard sighed before stretching, standing at his full height.

“Well done, now, try a step forward.”

Shepard did, cautiously moving his new leg before shifting his weight to take a proper step, “I can do it, but I’m going to limp.”

“You may permanently limp, Admiral, we aren’t sure yet.”

Shepard winced, almost falling before being caught by Kaidan, “sorry, K.”

“It’s okay,” Kaidan reassured, “no problem.”

“I’m going to suggest a cane, for the time being. Wheelchair when you’re really sore.”

“Okay,” Shepard let Kaidan help him back to the bed, “so when can I leave?”

“Another week.”

“Karin,” Shepard whined, “I have a big beautiful house, filled with big beautiful men, and you’re keeping me here. Hell, even my dad left a week ago.”

“I’m sorry, Admiral, but considering you almost died, I think you’re doing quite well.”

Shepard frowned, “I’m going stir crazy, and there is work to do.”

“There is always work to do,” Dr. Chakwas made a note in Shepard’s records, “I’m sorry, Admiral, but you’re still recovering.”

“It’ll be okay, Loco.”

“I’m bored of this,” Shepard looked out the window at the reconstruction taking place around the hospital, “I saved the world, and I can’t even get out there to enjoy it.”

“The house isn’t done yet anyway, Loco. Steve, Kaidan, and I are still painting it.”

Shepard didn’t respond, instead gazing out the window with such a look of pure longing that it made James’ heart ache.

***

“What do you think, is it too dark?” James looked over the room, which was to be Shepard’s new office which had been painted a deep blue.

“No, I think he’ll like it,” Kaidan tried to wipe some paint off of his hands on his shirt, “it’s soothing.”

The doorbell rang, and James looked at Kaidan in confusion, “did you order food?”

“No,” Kaidan started toward the front door, “Steve, are you waiting for something?”

“Not me,” Steve met them in the hallway, “maybe flowers for John?”

“Maybe,” James agreed, their kitchen was full of them from various admirers.

James walked to the front door, Kaidan and Steve in tow, opening it.

“Hi boys,” Shepard stood on the other side, cane in hand, leaning against the doorframe.

“John?” James pulled the door open all the way, “what are you doing here?”

“I live here, last I checked.”

“You’re meant to be in the hospital,” James ushered him into the house, grabbing his bag from him.

“Dr. Chakwas let me out early for good behaviour,” Shepard limped into the house, pausing to take in the entranceway, “it’s bigger than I thought.”

“Oh right, I guess you haven’t seen it yet,” James dropped the bag on a small table, “want the tour?”

“Sure.”

***

“And here’s the kitchen, we had to replace the stove, the glass was broken,” James walked around the big room, “got the coffee maker yesterday.”

“Baby,” Shepard sat heavily on a stool, “I’m happy you’re excited, but I need a break.”

“Oh shit, are you okay?” James rushed over to him.

“I’m fine,” Shepard smiled at him, “just sore.”

“That’s probably the most he’s walked in weeks,” Kaidan commented, bringing Shepard a glass of water.

“Yep,” Shepard hooked his cane onto the table, “but I’m very glad to be here.”

“We’re so happy to have you home,” James walked behind Shepard, wrapping his arms around his now smaller form, pressing a kiss to his neck.

“I guess,” Steve started slowly, “that’s it, right?”

“What do you mean?” Shepard looked at him, “what’s it?”

“The war,” Steve gestured around the house, “we did it, we won, we survived. This is our new life now, the four of us together.”

“That’s right,” Shepard confirmed, “my retirement is going to be made official at my promotion ceremony, Major, Admiral Hackett has approved yours as well.”

“Good,” Kaidan sat beside Shepard, “Steve?”

“I put my forms in last night,” Steve agreed.

“Me too,” James admitted, almost sheepishly.

“Yeah?” Shepard glanced up at him, “didn’t want to take control of the Normandy?”

“Nah,” James shook his head, “there are better peacekeepers in the world. Admiral Anderson offered me a job here at the N7 training academy, I’m going to be teaching.”

“Great news,” Shepard closed his eyes, leaning heavily against James, “please tell me our new bed is comfortable.”

“Very,” Kaidan confirmed.

“Good,” Shepard smiled, “because it’s nap time.”


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So - Advanced Warning: This chapter made Alilypea hate my characters. 
> 
> The same alilypea who has, very kindly, read over 200,000 words of my writing to bring this story to life. 
> 
> She has suggested some trigger warnings at the beginning of the chapter, they are as follows: 
> 
> TW: Separation, neglect, spousal fighting, depression, suicidal idealization
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.   
Healing is not a linear path. I can promise that it gets better. I finished writing this story today - the last chapter will be chapter 77.

“Shower time?” James asked as he watched Shepard grab some towels from the nearby closet.

“Yep,” Shepard limped toward the bathroom, without his cane, James noticed.

“Where’s your cane?” James asked as he followed Shepard into their ensuite.

“In the bathroom, I don’t need it to walk everywhere anymore,” Shepard placed the towels on the counter before undressing. James watching him with a mix of concern and admiration.

Shepard had regained most of his bulk in the month since he had left the hospital, his broad muscles back to their prior definition thanks to a mix of cybernetics and eating properly. Different now was the extent of the scarring across Shepard’s body, most specifically over Shepard’s right hip where his new leg joined the damaged skin.

“Are you coming in?” Shepard turned on the water and stepped in with a hiss as the hot water traveled over his skin.

“You know it,” James dropped his clothes next to Shepard’s before joining him, stepping into the water, “how are you feeling today?”

It had become their new routine, Shepard would wake up in the morning, and the first question James would ask him was how he was feeling. To begin with it had been their way of communicating if Shepard needed pain relief or not, now it was just James’s way of keeping track of Shepard’s recovery.

“I feel good,” Shepard reached for him, and James went willingly into his arms, holding him tight in a hug, “how do you feel?”

“Good,” James tilted his chin up, pressing a careful kiss to Shepard’s lips.

Shepard let out a low moan, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. James held Shepard’s hips as they kissed, relaxing only for a minute before pulling away. He heard Shepard’s sigh. Sex wasn’t something they had attempted since Shepard’s release from the hospital. In fact, they hadn’t done _anything_ sexual since Shepard was released from the hospital. There had been a few heated moments, always brough to a stop by James.

“James…”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Loco.”

“I’m not broken,” Shepard’s voice had taken on a hard edge, “James, it’s been _three months_ since I reigned in the Reapers, I’m 90 percent healed.”

James’ eyes flicked to Shepard’s cane and Shepard scowled before stepping out of the shower and grabbing a towel from the counter.

“John-“

“Save it,” Shepard snapped.

James found himself gawking at Shepard, he never snapped at them, ever. Shepard dressed quickly, grabbing his cane and walking from the room before James had a minute to react.

By the time James turned off the water and got dressed, Shepard had left the bedroom, James made his way to the kitchen hoping to find him.

“You seen Loco?” James had Kaidan and Steve who were eating their breakfast.

“He just stormed passed us and into his office, didn’t even say hello. You guys have a fight?”

“No,” James sighed, “maybe? He started kissing me in the shower.”

“Yeah, and?”

“You know we haven’t –“ James hesitated, “since he got hurt. I stopped him…”

Kaidan and Steve shared a look before Kaidan gestured over his shoulder in the direction of Shepard’s office, “well he’s in there.”

James nodded, walking down the hallway and trying to open the door for Shepard’s office.

It was locked.

Shepard _never_ locked the door to his office.

James knocked, “Loco, let me in.”

No response.

“John, come on, please?”

Nothing.

James slid to the floor, ready to wait.

***

Shepard hadn’t come out of his office all day, and eventually, Kaidan had pulled James away from the door to go to bed.

James woke a few hours later, stressed. He turned his head and found that Shepard had never joined them.

Deciding to try and convince Shepard to at least eat, James quietly got out of bed and walked into the kitchen to make Shepard some food as a peace offering. His appetite had returned full force shortly after his return from the hospital, so James imagined that he was likely starving from not eating all day.

He was two steps into the room when he saw the datapad leaning against the fruit bowl.

James felt an immense sense of dread as he picked it up.

_Boys – _

_If you’ve found this, you’ve noticed that I’m gone. _

_I’ve never been one to run away from my problems, but I can’t stand staying here another second when I’m so clearly not wanted. It’s my own fault I guess, what competition could an old, broken, solider like me have against the three of you?_

_I can’t keep waiting for you to want me again, James. My heart can’t take it. I should have known it was all too good to be true. Why would someone as beautiful as you want to be stuck with someone as broken as me?_

_Steve, Kaidan, I don’t blame either of you. You both have a wonderful relationship together. Why would you want someone like me to drag you down? I hope the wedding is everything you dreamed it would be. _

_I’ll be gone for a week, then I’ll come back, and we can decide what we’ll do with the house. _

_I love you all, _

_John_

The sound that fell from James’ lips was loud enough; it brought Kaidan and Steve into the kitchen as he collapsed on the floor.

“What?” Kaidan rushed over, dropping to his knees next to James, “what’s happened?”

Steve took the datapad from James, reading it quickly, “oh no.”

“_What?”_

“It’s John,” Steve looked at Kaidan, heartbroken, “he’s left us.”

“What?” Kaidan took the datapad as Steve pulled James, sobbing, into his arms, “why?”

“It’s my fault,” James wept into Steve’s shoulder, “I kept pushing him away.”

“Oh, John,” Kaidan re-read he message, “he’s so hurt.”

“We should have talked to him,” Steve tried to sooth James, “told him we were worried about rushing things because he was so hurt. We shouldn’t have left him to think it was because we didn’t want him anymore. We know how John feels about how he looks, we should have known his mind would spin it like this.”

“He doesn’t say where he went,” Kaidan looked around, “let’s search the house before we panic, maybe we found it before he left?”

“Good idea, Major,” Steve pulled James to standing, “let’s look for him, then we can come up with a plan.”

Steve and James had taken one side of the house, Kaidan, the other, as they walked through each room of the house looking for Shepard. Each room was found empty, and eventually, the three had found themselves outside of Shepard’s office.

“His bag is gone,” Kaidan said as he slowly opened the office door, “and some of his clothes, his medicine, his cane. The car and his motorcycle are still here. If he left, he had someone come and get him.”

The office was empty and dark.

“He’s gone.” James looked around the room, “he left me.”

“Looks like he spent the day in tears,” Kaidan commented, pointed at the near-empty box of Kleenex on Shepard’s desk.

“Does his terminal say where he went?” Steve tried to open the computer with no success, finding it locked.

The three men looked at each other, a fresh batch of tears streaming down James’ face, Steve not far behind him.

“I’m calling Anderson,” Kaidan pulled up his omni-tool, dialling out.

“Major,” Anderson’s voice came over the speaker, “Is everything alright? It’s late.”

“John’s...left us,” Kaidan spoke slowly, “is he with you?”

“No,” Anderson sounded concerned, “what do you mean he’s left you?”

“He left us a note, I’ll forward it to you.”

There was a pause as Anderson read the note, then he spoke again, “James, are you there?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay?”

“No,” James sobbed, and Steve rushed to him, pulling him into a hug, “I screwed up, and now he’s gone. I don’t know where he is or if he’s safe.”

“We _all_ screwed up, James. You weren’t the only one pushing him away,” Steve held him, “we’ll find him. He said he’ll be back in a week, and we can put it right.”

“I’ll start looking for him, and if I find him, I’ll let you all know,” Anderson promised, “he’s been going through a hard time, he’s spoken to me about it a few times this past few weeks. He’s convinced that the three of you are happier without him.”

“That’s not true,” James protested, “we didn’t want to hurt him.”

“I know, son, and that’s what I told him, I think he used to believe me, too.”

“Used too?”

“Up until about a week ago,” Anderson confirmed.

“Right, we need a plan,” Kaidan ran his hands through his hair, “David, can you call Steven?”

“On it, Major.”

“I’ll start with the crew,” Kaidan pulled up a list, “Steve, you take some, and we can get through it faster.”

“Okay.”

“Let me know if you find him,” Anderson asked.

“Will do.”

***

In the end, it was Joker.

“What’s up, assholes?” Joker sounded furious.

“Do you know where John is?” Kaidan shot Steve and James a look at the greeting, “we’re trying to find him.”

“He’s in my guest room, sobbing his fucking soul out, thanks to you.”

“Joker, it’s been a misunderstanding.”

“No, it hasn’t, you three have been rejecting him for weeks.”

James buried his face in his hands, the guilt washing over him in waves.

“So now he feels so bad he calls me in the middle of the night asking if he can come and stay with me because the three men in his life, one that he loves more than anything in the entire world, don’t want him anymore. He’s so upset that when he calls me, I can’t even tell if it’s Shepard I’m speaking with. He _begs_ me to let him stay with me because he needs somewhere that he can breakdown. Naturally, because I’m not a huge piece of shit, I come and get him from your mansion where the three of you are snuggled in bed together so sound asleep that you didn’t even notice him _packing_ beside you.”

“Joker-“

“Shut up, Kaidan. Horizon was bad enough. I at least thought that James would be better than this. You should _see _him, he’s fucking broken.”

“Let me talk to him,” James begged, “please. I’ve been trying to call him, and he won’t pick up.”

“Of course he won’t pick up,” Joker could be heard limping down a hallway, “listen to him.”

There was silence for a minute, and then they could hear it. The unmistakable sound of someone sobbing. The heartache was so evident in each sob that it brought James to tears again, Steve right behind him.

“_Please_,” James tried again, “let me talk to him.”

“No. Right now, he needs time to be hurt and let all this crap he’s been holding out. It’s a natural grieving process.”

“We don’t want him to leave,” Kaidan protested, “it’s a misunderstanding. We’ve been pushing him away because we didn’t want him to get hurt.”

“Well done, Major. He sounds just fine to me,” the sounds of Shepard’s heartache started to quiet as Joker walked back down the hall, “he’s so convinced that you three are happier without him and that none of you can even bear to touch him that I couldn’t even convince him to tell you where he was.”

James sobbed, the sound seeming to give Joker pause.

“I’ll give you ten minutes to explain what happened, then, _maybe_, I’ll pass on a message.”

***

“You guys are fucking idiots,” Joker sighed at the end of James’ explanation, “just because he’s a bit disabled doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still need affection, touches, sex. Look at EDI and me, she could literally snap my wrist with one wrong grip, but we still need each other.”

“I didn’t want to hurt him, take things too fast and set back his recovery,” James was exhausted, “I was trying to keep him safe.”

“James, it’s been a month since he’s been home, he’s been working with the council, aiding recovery efforts,” Joker sighed, “he’s not hurt anymore, his abilities have just changed a little bit.”

“I was trying to do right by him.”

“Well, you should have tried talking to him,” Joker paused, “he’s coming, I’m going to go. I’ll tell him you called.”

“Tell him I love him,” James fought the wave of fresh tears, “and that I want him home.”

“Okay,” Joker disconnected the call, and the three men sat in silence, without their Commander, and with no idea what to do.

***

Three days had passed, and James found himself sitting in Shepard’s office, trying for the 500th time to call Shepard.

No answer.

Attempt 501.

No answer.

Attempt 502.

The line picked up.

“John?”

“What do you want?”

Shepard sounded crushed.

“Please come home,” James started, “Loco, _please_ come home. It was a mistake; I shouldn’t have pushed you away in the shower.”

“You think this is just about sex? You three have been pushing me away for weeks. You go out together, leave me at home. You work on cars together, leave me in the house. You made your choice.”

“Yeah, I did. When I married _you_,” James was pleading, “I’ve been so scared of hurting you or rushing your recovery. I wanted to make sure you had the time you needed to heal.”

“I’ve been telling you for _weeks_ that I wanted to be more involved.”

Shepard was right. In hindsight, James could remember every comment about being bored or asking James to stay home while they went shopping. Comments which, at the time, had seemed like little passing flirtations James could now see were calls for attention, quality time, and understanding.

“I’m sorry, John,” James could feel himself getting emotional but couldn’t bring himself to stop, “but please don’t leave me. I’ll try harder, I promise.”

“You shouldn’t have to _try_ to want me around.”

“That’s not what I meant,” a sob ripped from James' chest and he took a deep breath, “John, please, I love you, come home and we can talk about this. We’re heartbroken without you here.”

Shepard didn’t respond, but James could hear him breathing through the line.

“John, I love you so much. You’re my everything, just come home so we can try and make it right.”

“No,” Shepard sighed, “I need some time to think about this.”

“Please don’t leave me,” James whimpered, “_please_. We finally have a chance at our lives together.”

“Where I come last, and I’m kept alone in the house while you three actually live, and fuck, without me?”

“John, I haven’t done _anything_ with _anyone_ since you’ve been hurt. I’ve been waiting for you.”

Shepard paused at that, “really?”

“Really. I promise.”

Shepard sighed, “I still need time, James. I’m not coming home yet.”

“_Please_,” James begged, “please come back to me. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Shepard answered quietly, “I’m going to go.”

“No!” James was pleading, “please let's just talk about this. Come home, I’ll cook you dinner, we can have a night alone to just talk.”

“Not yet,” Shepard was in tears, James could tell by his voice, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“John – “

“Goodbye, James.”

Shepard was gone.

***

Later that night, James was sitting with Kaidan and Steve, going over his conversation with Shepard for the third time, when a message came through.

_You haven’t done anything with Kaidan or Steve since I was hurt? -JS_

_No. I haven’t touched either of them since before the final push. I’ve been waiting for you, I promise -JV_

“I feel for him,” Steve read the messages over his shoulder, “he seems like he feels so unwanted.”

“He does feel unwanted, and it’s our fault.”

_I’ve booked us in for couples therapy. Tomorrow at 3 pm – JS_

_Okay, whatever I need to do to bring you back to me – JV_

_I’ll send you the link to remote in -JS_

_You’re not coming to the house? – JV_

_No – JS_

_John, please. I miss you, we miss you. Kaidan’s not eating, he’s had two migraines since you left. Steve doesn’t want to get out of bed. I can’t stop crying. Please come home – JV_

“Don’t guilt him, James,” Steve squeezed James’ shoulder as he read the messages, “he needs time.”

“I need my husband back.”

“We all want him back, but we need him back when he’s ready,” Kaidan rubbed at his temples, a new habit which showed how worried he was.

_I miss you, too – JS_

_I love you – JV_

_I love you too – JS_

_I love you more – JV_

There was a pause, but eventually.

_I love you most – JS_

***

“James!” Kaidan was calling from the kitchen, “John’s on the news!”

James ran into the kitchen, watching the report with Kaidan and Steve.

“In other news,” the Asari reporter spoke, “Admiral John Shepard-Vega, who’s promotion ceremony is scheduled for the end of the summer, made his first public appears since he dealt the final blow against the Reapers. Admiral Shepard-Vega visited a local Alliance hospital, meeting with the injured soldiers still recovering from the final assault, Diana Allers is live with the Admiral.”

“Admiral Shepard,” Allers greeted Shepard warmly, “it’s great to see you up and around.”

“Shepard-Vega,” Shepard corrected, on reflex, James noticed as he winced, “it’s good to see you, Diana.”

“What brings you to the hospital today?”

“I came to visit, hopefully, improve morale,” Shepard tried for joking, but James could read the pain in his eyes, “I know what it’s like to recover from some pretty extensive injuries, I was hoping to maybe cheer them up a bit.”

“Did you bring your husband today?”

“No,” Shepard was trying for light, “he’s still at home.”

“He didn’t feel like joining you in Toronto?”

“He had some other commitments,” Shepard’s jaw was tight, “I’ll be seeing him soon, for now, I wanted to do what I could. Spend some time out and helping.”

“Well, thank you for saying hello, Admiral. I speak for the entire Alliance News Network when I say we’re very glad to see you recovered.”

“Thank you, Diana,” Shepard gave a nod and turned to walk back to the group of soldiers waiting for him, only slightly limping with the use of his cane.

“He looks awful,” Steve commented, “he finally started answering me last night.”

“He sent me a message telling me to eat breakfast,” Kaidan sighed, “but that’s it.”

“I’ll never forgive myself for this,” James sat heavily on a nearby chair, “I wish I had just listened to him.”

_I miss you, so much -JV_

James glanced up watching as his message drew Shepard’s attention to his omni-tool. Shepard frowned, running his hand through the hair which had mostly grown back, before typing out a message.

_You’ll see me through vid-chat in a few hours, but I miss you too – JS_

_I look like shit, just to warn you -JV_

Shepard smiled at his omni-tool, and James felt a small flicker of hope.

_You couldn’t look like shit if you tried - JS_

“You made him smile,” Steve watched the screen with interest, “when was the last time John smiled?”

“Too long,” Kaidan pulled down a bowl from the cabinet, pouring himself some cereal.

_I’ll do whatever it takes to bring you home, you’re the love of my life – JV_

Shepard’s smile was a little easier now as he typed out another response.

_You’re the love of my life, too. I did it all for you – JS_

A nurse walked over to Shepard, drawing his attention away.

_Please come home. Please. I want a chance to make it right – JV_

Shepard glanced down, typing out his response.

_Soon, I have to go, I’m working – JS_

_I know, I’m watching you – JV_

Shepard glanced up, looking around for a moment before his eyes focused on the camera. Shepard raised on hand slightly, a small wave, before allowing the nurse to walk him from the room.

“Well, that was a step in the right direction,” Steve poured himself a coffee.

“Let’s see how therapy goes.”

***

The counsellor was a friendly, short, heavyset man who greeted James warmly.

“Commander Vega-Shepard. My name is Dudley, John has asked that I speak with you both so that we might be able to come to a resolution in this little conflict.”

“James,” James corrected, “John wants a resolution? I was under the impression that he was going to leave me.”

“I think I’ve talked John back from that ledge,” Dudley smiled, “I’ve already spoken with John extensively, now I’d like some time to speak with you before I call John in on the meeting.”

“Alright,” James sat in Shepard’s office chair, “let’s do it.”

***

It had been brutal. Dudley was friendly and kind but had offered James some perspectives which had left him feeling like a neglectful husband with an inability to listen to Shepard’s needs, which, in hindsight, had been clearly communicated once he had started explaining himself to Dudley.

“If you’re ready, I’d like to get John involved in the conversation.”

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

There was a pause, and then Shepard’s face appeared on the other side of the screen. James felt his breath catch in his throat. At that moment, he hadn’t missed anything more than he missed Shepard next to him.

“Hey,” Shepard sounded exhausted.

“I miss you, so much,” James reached out, touching the screen where Shepard sat, “_Dios mio,_ I fucking miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Shepard seemed closed off, something which Dudley mentioned.

“John, you need to talk to James about how you feel. James put a lot of effort into speaking with me this afternoon.”

“Do you still want me?”

“_Of course I do_,” James promised, “John, there is nothing and nobody that I want more than you. I would give up everything I have right now if it meant I could touch you. I have been…_empty_… without you here with me.”

“You never touch me anymore, unless you’re helping me shower.”

“I’ve been so scared of hurting you,” James sighed, “you _died_, John. I heard your heart stop. I can’t believe you’d be okay to do anything sex-related so soon after.”

“It’s been almost 13 weeks, James,” Shepard started to fiddle with his wedding ring on the chain around his neck, “it’s not soon, it’s been over three months.”

“It feels like yesterday.”

“I’m not just talking about sex, either. You don’t hold me at night, you’re always turning to Kaidan and Steve. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve woken up and found you wrapped around them while I’m alone. You sit with them on the couch, not me. You avoid touching me at all costs.”

“I didn’t realize I was,” James frowned, “I promise, I didn’t notice. I think I’m just so scared of hurting you that I don’t realize that I’m avoiding you.”

“I tried to talk to you about it.”

“I know, I realize that now,” James looked at his hands, “I should have listened.”

“Hindsight is always 20/20, James. Try not to blame yourself for something you can’t change,” Dudley took some notes, “is there anything you would like to say?”

“I wish you had told me that you were thinking of leaving _before_ you left. It’s been terrible.”

“I didn’t want to seem like I was just saying it for attention, and I didn’t want a pity fuck.”

“John. You know I wouldn’t think that.”

“No,” Shepard shook his head, “I don’t.”

“Loco, there is nothing I want more than to wake up with you in my bed every day for the rest of my self. I love you more than anything. I will do whatever it takes to get you home and make this right.”

“John,” Dudley prompted, “what are your thoughts?”

“I want to come home,” Shepard started, “but how will I know that if it changes, it’s not based on a sense of guilt, rather than actual want?”

“You won't,” Dudley agreed, “but I can tell you that James has been very honest in his desire to have you home and work on this. In my years of marriage counselling, I’ve seen hundreds of couples, and I could only wish they were all as engaged as James has been in making it right.”

“I think I still need a couple days,” Shepard considered, “to try and pull myself together. I’m not sure how I’m going to face all of you again.”

“Kaidan, Steve, they’re wrecks without you, John. Do you want me to get them? You can talk to them too?”

“It may be beneficial,” Dudley offered, “if you’re alright with it.”

“Sure.”

“Hang on,” James pushed back from the desk, opening the door and calling for Kaidan and Steve.

“What’s going on?”

“He wants to talk to you two,” James brought Kaidan and Steve over to the desk, retaking his seat, “they’re here.”

“Hi boys,” Shepard looked almost guilty when facing all of them.

“John,” Steve started, his eyes welling up, “we’re _so sorry_.”

“It really did feel like we were taking care of you, at the time,” Kaidan continued for him, “honestly. We feel awful. What do we need to do to get you to come home?”

“Well, John?” Dudley prompted, “what are you going to need to go home?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Yes, you are, you’re just embarrassed to ask.”

“Anything, Loco. Whatever you need. I’ll fly to the edge of the universe if it means bringing you back.”

“I need some time, alone, with all of you, but mostly James. I need to be included in the shopping, activities, whatever, even if I have to do it from my wheelchair.”

“Of course,” Steve agreed immediately.

“No more wedding planning without me. I hated watching you three go off and leave me at home. It broke my heart.”

“John, we’re sorry. You said you didn’t want to plan it.”

“I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be included while you plan it. Three times last week, one of you brought me an invoice to pay for the wedding and I had no idea what it was for. I’m rich, but I’m not just a bank.”

“Okay, we’ll plan it together,” Steve promised, “but I’ll do the heavy lifting.”

“Come home to us, John. We need you here,” Kaidan wrapped his arm over James as he wiped the tears from his face.

“Give me two more days, and I’ll let you know,” Shepard held up his hand before James could protest, “An apology is just an apology, James. It doesn’t erase the hurt. I need some time to heal before I see you again.”

“Okay,” James deflated, shrinking in on himself against Kaidan, “whatever you need.”

“Right, well, for the next few days, I’m going to suggest open communication between the four of you. Set honest expectations about what you need from each other moving forward, John, please call me before you go back to the house. I’d like to discuss some communication methods with you.”

“Alright,” John agreed, “I need to go. I have a meeting with Admiral Hackett.”

“I love you, John.”

“I love you too, baby,” Shepard finally smiled a small smile, but still a smile.

“I love you more.”

“I love you most.”


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

Kaidan, Steve, and James didn’t hear from John for the rest of the day or most of the next.

James was laying in bed that night before he decided to send Shepard a message.

_I don’t know if I’m supposed to be giving you time, or talking to you, but I miss you – JV_

_I miss you too – JS_

_What are you doing right now? – JV_

_Packing – JS_

_Does that mean you’re coming home? – JV_

_Yes – JS_

_When? – JV_

_Tomorrow. I’ll be there around lunch – JS_

_Is there anything you need me to do before you get here? -JV_

_Set up the guest room, please – JS_

_Why? You aren’t going to sleep with us? -JV_

_I want a night to sleep with just you – JS_

_Okay. I can do that. Does that mean you’re not leaving me? -JV_

_That means I’m willing to try and fix this before I decide – JS _

_I’ll do whatever it takes, I promise – JV_

_Okay – JS_

_What do you want for dinner tomorrow, I’ll cook whatever you want – JV_

_You and I are going to go out, just us – JS_

_Like a date? -JV_

_Exactly like a date – JS_

***

James had cleaned over the house obsessively, Kaidan and Steve helping him set up a romantic space in the guest room, filling the surfaces with candles, stocking the bathroom with oils for the large bathtub, a small bottle of lube hidden away in the bedside cabinet.

“I’m nervous,” James looked over the room, “I’m married to him, and I’m nervous.”

“I think considering what’s been going on, that’s probably normal.”

The sound of the front door opening sent the three men racing for the front of the house, Steve’s small stature letting him squeeze between the two larger men to launch himself at Shepard first, almost knocking him off balance.

“Easy, Lieutenant,” Shepard caught Steve, his cane falling to the floor.

“I missed you,” Steve wrapped his arms around Shepard, holding him tightly, “holy shit, I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Shepard pressed a kiss to Steve’s forehead as James and Kaidan came into view, “Major.”

“Admiral,” Kaidan greeted, “I’m glad to have you home.”

“How’s your head?” Shepard limped over to Kaidan, pulling him into a hug as Steve retrieved his cane from the floor.

“Bad, but I’m sure it’ll improve now.”

Shepard took his cane back from Steve, adjusting his balance to look at James, “hi, baby.”

James felt his breath catch in his throat, convinced that he had never seen anything better than Shepard back in their home. For what felt like the hundredth time that week, James felt tears spring to his eyes.

“Why are you crying? I thought you wanted me home.”

James cleared the distance between them in two steps, pulling Shepard into a tight hug, “you left.”

“I did,” Shepard agreed, bringing one hand to the back of James' neck while the other wrapped around his back, “I had to.”

“We’re so sorry, John. Truly,” Kaidan wrapped his arm over Steve’s shoulder, “we feel awful about the entire thing.”

“We’ll get through it,” Shepard closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to the top of James’ head, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” James pulled back just enough to kiss Shepard before pulling away to wipe his face, “I think I’ve cried more this week than I ever have before.”

“I’m sorry,” Shepard wiped the tears away with his thumb, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just couldn’t stand it anymore.”

“Please don’t leave me again.”

“We’re going to work on it so that doesn’t have to happen,” Shepard shifted his weight, “sorry, I need to sit for a bit, I’m locked up from the car ride.”

“Come on,” James led Shepard into the kitchen, “are you hungry?”

“I’m always hungry.”

***

“When’s our date?”

Shepard checked his omni-tool, “about three hours from now.”

James offered Shepard his hand, “come with me.”

“Where are we going?” Shepard stood slowly, taking his cane in one hand and James’ hand in the other.

“Quality time,” James led Shepard from the kitchen, nodding to Steve and Kaidan, “see you in awhile boys.”

“Enjoy,” Steve gave a wave.

Shepard followed James to the guest room, sitting on the edge of the bed as James encouraged him too.

“You’ve got me alone,” Shepard sounded cautious, “now what?”

“I’m going to run us a bath,” James walked into the bathroom, “we’ve never tried the jacuzzi tub.”

“Sounds nice,” Shepard listened to the water running, trying to relax.

He hadn’t meant to cause all of the hurt he had with Kaidan, Steve, and James. Honestly convinced as he had left with Joker in the middle of the night that they wouldn’t have cared to wake up and find him gone.

Seeing James, a normally composed and typical tough guy, crying so frequently over the past week, had sent his head for a tailspin.

“Alright, Loco?” James asked from the bathroom door.

“Just lost in thought,” Shepard stood, leaving his cane hooked over the dresser in the bedroom before limping toward James.

“Good thoughts?”

“Not particularly, no,” Shepard followed James into the bathroom, leaning against the counter.

“I have something that might cheer you up,” James opened a drawer and pulled out a small ring box, passing it to Shepard.

“What’s this?” Shepard opened the box slowly, gasping as a bright platinum band came into view. Similar to James’ band, two diamonds on either side of a ruby settled in the middle of the band.

“A replacement ring, considering your original one got squished. It’s actually made from some of the platinum from the Normandy’s shielding, so you’re always going to have a part of her.”

“It’s beautiful,” Shepard took the ring from the box, sliding it onto his finger, “thank you.”

“I should have replaced your old one as soon as you left the hospital,” James added some oils to the water, mixing it into the warm water with his hand, “so you knew how important you were to me.”

“We’ll get there, James.”

“I’m going to do whatever it takes,” James turned off the water, “first, a bath.”

Shepard pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it on the counter, quietly undressing while avoiding looking in the mirror.

James shed his own clothes, reaching for Shepard once he was nude, “come on, let me help you in, those oils make it slippery.”

“Okay,” Shepard wanted to protest, but watched as James stepped into the tub and offered a hand to him, “if you insist.”

“I do,” James helped Shepard lift his bad leg into the tub before pulling Shepard to lay back against his chest, holding him.

“I wish I had done this sooner,” Shepard closed his eyes and relaxed against James’ chest, “it’s getting the ache out of my back.”

“I thought that was a top of the line prosthetic, your other leg doesn’t give you the same problems.”

“EDI is working on it, she’s hopefully going to develop something better. It apparently has to do with driver issues between my cybernetics.”

“Does that mean more surgery?”

“Yeah, it will,” Shepard confirmed, “if I go through with it.”

James didn’t comment, content to sit with Shepard in his arms for the first time in what, to James’ horror, he realized was months.

“I’m sorry, John,” James whispered into their quiet space, “really.”

“I’m sorry I left,” Shepard linked their fingers together, “it was just too much to handle.”

“I get it,” James kissed the side of Shepard’s neck, “but you came back.”

“I always do.”

“If I hurt your feelings like that again, pull me away, sit me down, and tell me. Please don’t leave.”

“Okay,” Shepard agreed, “I will.”

“You said your back was bothering you?”

Shepard took a minute to answer, “I’m not broken, James.”

“I didn’t say you were, I asked you if your back was bothering you.”

“Yeah, a bit.”

“Switch places with me,” James encouraged Shepard to sit up, slipping out from behind him before pressing a button on a small panel to the side, turning on the jets.

“Oh,” Shepard closed his eyes and rested his head on the edge of the tub, “feels nice.”

“Mmhmm,” James sat next to Shepard, linking their fingers together, “I’m glad you’re home.”

“Me too. Do you think the boys are mad at me?”

“I think they’re mad at themselves,” James kissed Shepard’s neck, smiling into the skin as Shepard turned his head to give him more room.

Shepard sighed James kissed him again, sucking a bruise into the skin, “what are you doing?”

“Touching you. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

It was the wrong thing to say, Shepard immediately tensing under James’ hands.

“Yeah, it is,” Shepard pulled away, “but is it was you wanted?”

“Well yeah, of course.”

“You’re sure?”

“John, this isn’t going to work if you keep assuming the worst of me,” James pleaded, “I want you. I’ve always wanted you. That doesn’t change that I’ve been scared of hurting you. You top, and you’re resting on your knees, or have me straddling your sore hip. I top, and I risk thrusting into you hard enough that I hurt your back. How exactly am I meant to have sex with you without hurting you?”

“We could have been doing _other_ things.”

“Yeah, we could have, and that’s on me for not going for it, but don’t doubt for one second that I don’t want you,” James took Shepard’s hand and brought it to where his cock was still heavy and twitching between his legs, “a new leg hasn’t changed how I feel about you, being scared of hurting you has just stopped me from trying anything.”

James was expecting Shepard to pull his hand away, so when Shepard instead shifted his hand to take James’ cock in a better grip and start stroking him, James almost came on the spot.

“_John_,” James panted, “what are you doing?”

“You’re that out of practice that you don’t know?”

James would have laughed if he hadn’t decided instead to pull Shepard into a kiss, rolling his hips with each stroke of Shepard’s skilled hand, suddenly aware of how desperate he was for this kind of contact.

Shepard didn’t tease him like he usually did, instead of moving his hand so quickly that James had no options but to grip Shepard’s shoulders and moan into the kiss as Shepard brought him over the edge within minutes.

“Holy shit, John,” James shook as Shepard kept his hand moving, drawing out his orgasm as long as possible, “easy.”

“Yep, it was pretty easy, that’s what happens when you wait three months,” Shepard moved, pulling the plug to drain the water, “come on.”

“Oh no you don’t, John,” James stopped Shepard before he could get out of the bathtub, “you’re letting me touch you, no chance I’m going to be the only one getting off.”

“That’s fine, but I need a bed. I’m getting sore.”

James stood, stepping from the bathtub and helping Shepard out and drying him with the softest towel he could find, “go lay that sexy ass on the bed, now.”

“You bossing me around?” Shepard limped heavily to the bed, groaning as he settled on his back.

“Are you complaining?”

“No,” Shepard watched James as he finished drying himself off before joining Shepard on the bed, “just asking.”

“Before I do anything, promise to tell me if I start hurting you.”

“I promise,” Shepard closed his eyes, “but I’ll be fine.”

James ran his fingers up the inside of Shepard’s thighs, smiling as his cock twitched and started to harden, “someone’s excited today.”

“I’ve been neglected,” Shepard didn’t open his eyes, but felt James hesitate in his touch, “I’ll be surprised if I last two seconds.”

“Do you have any requests?”

“Whatever you’re offering.”

James’ took Shepard’s cock in hand, stroking him gently to tease him until he was fully hard, a flush colouring Shepard’s cheeks as he teased him.

“Do you want to cum like this?” James kissed Shepard’s stomach, the muscles clenching under his attention, “or my mouth?”

“Your mouth,” Shepard gasped, “please.”

James moved, cautious of Shepard’s bad leg, to lick a stripe up the bottom of Shepard’s dick before taking slowly teasing the head of Shepard’s cock with his lips.

“James, please,” Shepard’s biotics flared, the first time James had seen them since the final push, “_please_.”

James reached for Shepard’s hand, bringing it to the back of his head for Shepard to direct the speed.

Shepard didn’t hesitate, setting a quick pace with a deep moan.

James had missed this. Shepard panting under his attention as he started to gasp and shake under James’ hands.

“I’m close,” Shepard dropped his hand, his biotics increasing as he took the sheets into a white-knuckled grip.

Shepard came with a shout, rolling his hips as much as he could manage without causing himself pain.

“Fuck, James,” Shepard pulled him up the bed, kissing him deeply, “I forgot how good you are at that.”

“I’ll need to remind you more often,” James smiled, the first real smile in a week.

“Please do.”

***

Shepard had told him to dress casual, but nice, James looked over the closet for the hundredth time with a groan, he couldn’t believe it, but he had nothing to wear.

“What’s the problem, Mr. Vega?”

“Vega-Shepard,” James corrected absentmindedly, “I can’t find anything to wear, and John is waiting for me.”

“Go do your hair, and I’ll find you an outfit,” Steve pushed James from the closet, “John’s getting twitchy.”

“Shit, okay.”

Steve sorted through the closet, settling on a pair of dark jeans and a soft grey sweater with a black tank top under it, bringing the clothes out and putting them on the bed, “here you go, James.”

“Thanks, Esteban,” James pulled the clothes on quickly, rushing into the bathroom to double-check his reflection, “think it’s okay?”

“I think you look great,” Steve confirmed, “how did this afternoon go?”

“Good, I think. I gave him his new ring.”

“I saw, he’s wearing it. He’s looking very sexy tonight,” Steve reached up to fix some renegade hairs for James, “did you guys…”

“Not sex, but we both enjoyed ourselves. I think it was needed,” James took one last review of himself in the mirror before nodding, “good choice, Esteban.”

“Let’s go before they start to worry,” Steve followed James from the room, down toward the living room where Kaidan and Shepard were sitting together on the couch, Shepard’s hands running through Kaidan’s hair.

“You look nice, baby,” Shepard gave James a noticeable once over, “very sexy.”

“Thanks,” James felt awkward, like a first date, “ready to go?”

“You can’t have him back yet,” Kaidan protested, “This feels nice.”

“Sorry, Major, I’m committed to James for the night, we’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Okay,’ Kaidan sighed, but sat up and let Shepard stand, grabbing his cane from the side of the couch.

Shepard was wearing all black, soft black dress pants with a black button-up shirt, “ready to go?”

“Sure, but I don’t know where we’re going.”

“I found a stone oven pizza place, it wasn’t destroyed by the Reapers,” Shepard walked toward the front door, “custom pizzas while you wait, cocktails, I thought it sounded nice.”

“It does,” James agreed, holding the door for Shepard, “see you soon, boys.”

***

James drove, noticing that Shepard was quiet, only speaking to give directions.

“Are you okay?” James asked, eventually.

“I’m getting there,” Shepard reassured, “it’s the first time we’ve been out together since I got out of the hospital, I can’t believe I’ve missed so much of the reconstruction.”

James’ heart ached at all the times they left Shepard at home, “yeah, it’s going quickly.”

“Seems like it,” Shepard pointed at a small building on their right, “that’s it, parking around back.”

James was more than a little concerned when he noticed only two other parked cars, “you sure it’s open?”

“Positive,” Shepard stood with a cringe as he got out of the car.

“If you say so,” James followed Shepard to the front door, noticing the sign which said _closed for private function_, “uh, Loco?”

“It’s our function,” Shepard opened the door and was immediately greeted by a friendly server who took them to a seat in the back of the restaurant.

“Did you book the entire restaurant?”

“Yep,” Shepard took his seat, “I told you I wanted some one on one time.”

“This is next level,” James sat across from Shepard, enjoying the warmth of the candlelight against Shepard’s skin.

“Anything for you.”

“John,” James started, “are we going to be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Shepard answered honestly, “I’d like to be, but I think we both have some work we need to put in. You remember how stressed you were when I was busy at the tail end of the war, you know how I felt.”

“I didn’t leave.”

“No, you didn’t,” Shepard agreed, “you also don’t struggle with your feeling of self-worth like I do, and I listened to you the second you brought the problem up. You didn’t.”

“I know, you’re right.”

“Let’s take this one day at a time,” Shepard suggested, “my feelings are still hurt, I’m sure yours are too, but right now, here, we’re fine.”

“I’m not going to lose you, John.”

“Then work to keep me,” Shepard shrugged, “I don’t want to go anywhere. I love you. I just don’t want to be forgotten because you have two other boyfriends who don’t need a cane to walk.”

“I’ve never forgotten you, Loco.”

“I hope not.”

“Gentlemen, can I get you some wine to start?”

Shepard nodded, “unless my husband has any protest, feel free to pick everything we enjoy tonight,” Shepard handed the small woman his menu, “I’m not picky.”

“Sounds good,” James agreed, also passing his menu, “no fruit on the pizza, but I’m open otherwise.”

“Lovely, I’ll bring you some appetizers.”

“Should you be drinking with your pills?”

“What pills?” Shepard asked as he looked out the window at the forest around them.

“Your pain pills.”

Shepard glanced at James with a small smile, “I haven’t been on any pain medication in almost a week.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Shepard shrugged, “baby, I have some aches, sore muscles, shit like that, but for the most part, I am _healed_.”

“You should have seen it, at the hospital,” James frowned, “They wanted me to be prepared to take you off of life support. It’s hard to believe you’re up and walking so soon.”

“It’s not soon, James, it’s over three months,” Shepard smiled at the server as she poured them some wine, “thank you.”

James held up a glass in a toast, “to your health.”

“To our marriage,” Shepard added, clinking their glasses together before taking a small sip, “oh, that’s nice.”

“It is,” James agreed, “so what now? You’re on the mend, you were working this week, what are you going to do now?”

“Spend some time working on the marriage with you,” Shepard took another sip of wine, “the wedding, then I don’t know. Kids are the next logical choice.”

“Kids,” James repeated, “we’ll need to renovate the house.”

“That can be arranged.”

***

Shepard let out a low moan as he took a bite of his cheesecake, “fuck, this is good.”

“You’re killing me,” James glared at his own dessert, some sort of chocolate cake, “stop moaning at every bite.”

“You going to do something about it?”

“I’m going to take you home and fuck your brains out,” James pointed at Shepard with his fork, “be good.”

“I’ll be great,” Shepard brought another mouthful of cheesecake to his lips, making a show of dragging his tongue over the fork with a groan.

“John.”

“Yes, baby?”

“We need to settle the cheque and go home. Now.”

“You haven’t had your dessert yet.”

“You’re going to be my dessert,” James signalled for the server, “can we please have the bill?”

“Certainly,” the server passed James a datapad with a smile.

James didn’t even read it, adding a 100 credit tip and settling the bill with a swipe of his omni-tool, “thank you, it was wonderful.”

“Did you want a take out box?”

“No, that’s okay,” James practically pulled Shepard from his chair, “we just remembered we have another commitment.”

“Thank you,” Shepard smiled and followed James to the door, “I appreciate you letting me book on such short notice.”

“Thank you for your service, Admiral Shepard.”

“Shepard-Vega,” Shepard corrected, “you’re welcome.”

“Goodnight,” the server called to them as James marched Shepard toward the car.

“You’re such a fucking _tease_,” James opened Shepard’s door, waiting for him to get inside, “I’m hard as a rock, and we live 15 minutes away.”

“I’ve been waiting a month,” Shepard settled into the car, dropping his cane into the back seat, “welcome to my world.”

***

James made the drive in seven minutes, all but skidding into the garage.

“Easy, James, I don’t want to replace the car before I can drive it again.”

“Loco, I want you naked in our bed right the fuck _now_.”

“I’m coming,” Shepard grabbed his cane, “give an old man a chance.”

James slowed down, taking a deep breath and trying to calm his racing heart as Shepard struggled to keep up with him as he made his way toward the stairs.

“Back already?” Kaidan called from the living room.

“I’ll fill you in later,” James promised, taking Shepard’s hand and helping him up the stairs.

“Have fun!”

***

James slammed the door to the guest room, looking up and noticing that Steve and Kaidan had lit the candles in the room for them, placing the lube on the bedside cabinet.

“Something on your mind, James?”

“You, naked and under me.”

“Sounds like a solid plan,” Shepard hooked his cane onto the dresser, “you want to get me naked, or shall I?”

James reached for Shepard, starting to undo the buttons of his shirt, delighting to find nothing underneath it except an expanse of Shepard’s skin, “my beautiful man.”

Shepard tugged at James' sweater until he lifted his arms so Shepard could pull it off, “sweet talker.”

James reached for Shepard’s belt, undoing the button and fly before pulling Shepard to standing to help ease them over his hips and to the floor, leaving Shepard in nothing but his boxers.

“I’ll wait for you on the bed,” Shepard kissed James’ cheek, limping to the bed.

“Are you okay?” James knew that Shepard didn’t want him to ask, but he had too.

“Car rides can still hurt, sometimes, it makes my hip lock,” Shepard settled on the bed, stretching his hip, “but I’m fine once it stretches out.”

James shed the rest of his clothes, joining Shepard on the bed, “did you have a preference for tonight?”

“Not really,” Shepard reached for him, pulling James to straddle him, “we’ll just take it slowly.”

“This is okay?” James looked down at Shepard, “doesn’t hurt?”

“I won’t be able to stay like this for long, but it doesn’t hurt right now,” Shepard pulled James down, kissing him slowly, “now you pulled me away from some _amazing_ cheesecake. You better make it worth it.”

James kissed Shepard again, not rushing, instead letting the atmosphere of the room slowly heat with each press of their lips.

“Beautiful man,” James moaned into Shepard’s neck, peppering the skin with kisses as he worked his way down Shepard’s body.

“Sweet talker,” Shepard lifted his hips at James’ prompting, letting him pull the boxers down Shepard’s legs before tossing them from the edge of the bed.

“Look at you,” James sat back, admiring Shepard in the candlelight, “you’re gorgeous.”

“If you say so.”

“I do,” James crawled back up Shepard’s body, reaching for the lube, “did you have a preference?”

“It’ll be easier if you top,” Shepard rolled onto his stomach, “for now at least.”

“I’ll be gentle,” James promised, opening the lube and slicking his fingers, “I’m nervous.”

“Yeah?” Shepard turned to look at him, “why?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” James kissed Shepard’s shoulder as he brought his fingers to tease him gently.

“You won’t,” Shepard closed his eyes, and James watched all the tension across Shepard’s back relax.

James pressed a finger inside of Shepard slowly, giving Shepard a moment to adjust before twisting in a way to brush against his prostate.

“_Fuck,”_ Shepard rocked his hips up into James’ hand, “feels so good.”

“Yeah?” James kept his voice low, steadily rocking his finger into Shepard until he felt like he could take two, pressing another inside of him.

“Yeah,” Shepard opened his eyes to look at James, “very good. I’ve missed this.”

“Me too,” James kissed Shepard’s shoulder, “so bad.”

Shepard hummed under his breath, pushing back into his hand as James pressed a third finger inside of him, “I want you inside me.”

“Let me finish getting you ready,” James’ cock was twitching with interest, “then I’m all yours.”

Shepard didn’t protest, letting James prepare him until Shepard had a fine sheen of sweat across his skin and was moaning with each twist of James’ fingers.

“How do you want to…”

“On my side might be easiest,” Shepard moved, rolling onto his good side.

“Okay,” James coated his cock in lube, moving to lay behind Shepard, “let me know if you need to stop.”

“I will.”

James reached between them, positioning himself before gently rocking forward.

“_Fuck,_” Shepard reached behind him, pulling James’ arm over his bad hip to rest on his stomach for leverage, “_yes._”

“Gotta keep those moans down, Loco, or I won’t last,” James rolled his hips slowly, taking his time to bottom out, pausing for a minute to enjoy being inside Shepard again.

“I almost forgot how big you are,” Shepard sounded _wrecked_, fingers laced with James’ over his stomach, “you feel so good.”

“You do too,” James rocked his hips, pulling out halfway before slowly pushing forward again.

They took it slowly, with no choice but to, careful of Shepard’s hip. In a way, James thought it was more intense. While each move was slower, it was more deliberate, with the only thought of making Shepard feel loved as they moved together.

Eventually, Shepard moved James’ hand down to stroke his cock as they rocked, Shepard moaning his name with each thrust.

“Come on, beautiful,” James increased his force only slightly, still only a fraction of what their lovemaking had been before, “please, I need to watch you.”

Shepard’s body shook as he came, almost sobbing into the pillow beneath his head as he pulled James over the edge with him, James clinging to Shepard as he spilled, moaning into Shepard’s neck.

James took a minute to catch his breath before moving to look down at Shepard’s face, finding with some mortification that he was in tears.

“Did I hurt you?” James moved to pull out of him, stopped by Shepard’s hand, grabbing his hip and holding him still.

“I’m fine, I just missed you,” Shepard let James go when he was confident he wouldn’t pull away, bringing a hand up to wipe his face.

“Oh, Loco,” James curled around Shepard, holding him as tightly as he dared too, “I missed you too.”


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

James held Shepard until he settled, reassuring him with gentle words until he felt Shepard start to relax.

“As much as I love being inside of you,” James kissed Shepard’s shoulder, “I’m starting to feel mighty sticky.”

“Yeah, me too,” Shepard held still as James pulled away from him, “shower?”

“Sure,” James walked to the bathroom, turning the shower on before walking back into the bedroom to help Shepard up, “how do you feel?”

“Good,” Shepard twisted, stretching out the sore muscles, “just a bit locked up. You?”

“Like I wish we had done that the second you got home from the hospital,” James walked with Shepard into the bathroom, “and like a piece of shit for making you think I didn’t want too.”

Shepard shrugged, “it’s okay, we’ll work on it.”

“I love you, you know that, right?”

“I love you too,” Shepard stepped into the water, letting it run over his back, “so much.”

James took some soap in his hands, washing Shepard gently, leaving trails of kisses over his skin as he went.

“You’re feeling affectionate,” Shepard commented as James dropped to his knees to wash Shepard’s legs.

“I almost lost you,” James glanced up at Shepard, “once from the Reapers, once because I’m an idiot. I’m just reminding myself that you’re still here.”

“I’m here,” Shepard confirmed, kissing James as he stood, “we’ll fix this.”

“I hope so, I don’t want to lose you.”

Shepard took the soap from James, “my turn.”

James was going to ask if Shepard was up to it but watching him walk around him with a minimal limp, he decided to keep quiet as Shepard ran his hands over his body in strong sweeping strokes.

“Tired?” Shepard asked as James yawned.

“Yeah, I haven’t been sleeping while you were gone.”

“Me either,” Shepard turned off the water, grabbing two towels and passing one to James, “let's dry off and go to bed.”

“Sounds good.”

It did, the thought of wrapping himself around Shepard feeling like the best idea he’d ever had.

James walked around the room, blowing out the candles as Shepard pulled back the sheets and slid into bed.

James carefully got into bed next to Shepard, hesitating before resting his head on Shepard’s chest.

“I think I missed this more than the sex,” Shepard ran his fingers through James’ hair, hesitating as he heard a gentle knock at the door, “yeah?”

The door opened slightly, and Kaidan stuck his head into the room, “we’re headed to bed, just wanted to say goodnight.”

“Come on in.”

Kaidan and Steve walked in, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“How are you two doing?”

“Sleepy,” came James’ response from his place on Shepard’s chest, “very sleepy.”

“We’ll talk in the morning?” Steve asked.

“You bet,” Shepard agreed, “sleep first.”

“Okay, well,” Kaidan stood, leaning over to press a kiss to Shepard’s forehead, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight, K,” Shepard turned to Steve, “I won’t bite.”

“I wasn’t sure…”

“Come here, Lieutenant,” Shepard pulled Steve down, kissing his cheek, “goodnight.”

***

James woke before Shepard, finding that their positions had switched, Shepard half on top of him.

James’ heart gave an affectionate squeeze, and he made a silent vow to whatever deity was listening that he was going to do everything in his power to never lose Shepard again. Shepard brought a hand up to scratch his face before squeezing James tighter, turning to kiss the skin under his face.

“Good morning, Loco.”

“Good morning, baby.”

“How’d you sleep?”

“Better than I have in months,” Shepard didn’t move, keeping his eyes closed and his place on James’ chest, “you?”

“Amazing.”

“Did you have plans today?”

“No. Just spending time with you,” James was lying, he had plans, but he was going to cancel everything he had scheduled for the next month to spend time with Shepard.

“I need to figure out what I’m going to say to Kaidan and Steve.”

“Did you want to call it off with them?” James asked, “go back to just us?”

Shepard thought about it for a minute, “no, I don’t. Do you?”

“No, but maybe we should make a one or two night a week thing where it’s just us?”

“I like that idea,” Shepard agreed, “I spoke to them both, a bit, while I was at Joker’s.”

“Kaidan took it worse than Steve. Steve always said you loved us too much to leave, he knew you would come back.”

“He was right.”

“Joker laid into Kaidan and me on the phone. Joker gave Kaidan shit about Horizon.”

“I know, I heard him,” Shepard sighed, rolling onto his back, “that’s why I came to stop the conversation. I just don’t know what to say to them _now_.”

“Be honest with them,” James suggested, “let them know what you want from them. Steve was right back on the Normandy, you always go along with what we want, but clearly, you were feeling neglected in the process.”

“Not on the Normandy, I wasn’t, just since we’ve been home.”

“Then tell them that.”

“Yeah,” Shepard sat up, looking for his boxers, “why did you toss them across the room?”

“I was hoping you’d never put them on again. If you want to kick it here, I’ll go grab you some sweats.”

“Sure, thanks.”

***

Kaidan pulled the strawberries from the fridge, passing them to Steve, “can you cut these up for me?”

“Sure,” Steve took the strawberries and the offered knife, “trying to butter him up?”

“I don’t want him to leave us,” Kaidan checked the waffle iron, “I don’t know how to apologize. I mean fuck, Steve, we kept him as a prisoner in his own home and we didn’t even notice how miserable he was.”

“Relax, Major, I don’t think Shepard’s going anywhere.” Steve glanced up at the sound of footsteps, “they’re coming.”

“Shit,” Kaidan ran a hand through his still-damp hair, still in curls in a hope to win Shepard over.

“Morning,” Steve greeted James and Shepard warmly, “how was your date?”

“It was nice,” Shepard limped over to a stool near the island, sitting carefully, “I got pulled away from some amazing cheesecake, though.”

“Sex is better than cheesecake,” James poured Shepard a cup of coffee, “at least I hope.”

“That sex was,” Shepard agreed, watching Kaidan’s tight shoulders as he cooked, “alright, Major?”

“Uh, yeah,” Kaidan nodded, not turning back to Shepard.

“You’re a shit liar, K,” Shepard took another sip of coffee, “tell me what’s going on.”

Kaidan shook his head, keeping his eyes focused on the waffle in front of him, “it’s okay.”

“Go,” James nudged Kaidan with his hip, pushing him from the stove, “talk to him.”

Kaidan sighed, walking over to Shepard, avoiding his gaze, stopping just in front of him.

“John,” Kaidan started, then hesitated, struggling to find the words.

“Kaidan,” Shepard reached out, encouraging him to meet his gaze, “look at me.”

Kaidan did, his eyes wet with unshed tears, “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Shepard pulled Kaidan in for a hug, letting Kaidan bury his face into Shepard’s neck.

It took a minute for Kaidan to relax, bringing his arms around Shepard’s back.

“I’m sorry too,” Shepard held Kaidan against him, “I shouldn’t have just left.”

Kaidan didn’t speak, just clung to Shepard as James continued making their breakfast.

“We feel _awful_, John,” Steve sighed, “honestly. We had no idea how neglected you were feeling, or we would have done something about it.”

Kaidan nodded against Shepard’s neck.

“It’s okay,” Shepard pulled back from Kaidan, “come on, K, you’re going to have to look at me eventually.”

Kaidan, with a lot of reluctance, met Shepard’s gaze.

“Kaidan, you look like a kicked puppy.” Shepard took Kaidan’s hands in his own, “it’s okay.”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“Steve and I were wondering…that is…we were hoping…”

“K, spit it out.”

“Is the wedding still on?” Steve asked for him, “or…”

“Last time I checked, James and I were already married. You two still need to get hitched, me leaving wouldn’t change that.”

“John, you know full well that aside from Kaidan and I getting married that, really, the _four_ of us were also getting married,” Steve handed Shepard a strawberry, a small peace offering, “we wanted to know if there is still an _us _or not.”

“Do you still want me, even if I’m never any better than this?” Shepard waved to the cane.

“John, _of course_,” Kaidan squeezed Shepard’s shoulder, “you should never doubt that.”

“Lieutenant?”

“I love you, of course, I want you. I don’t care what shape you’re in.”

“Baby, what are your thoughts?”

“You know my thoughts, Loco. I love being with the boys, but we’re going to start taking some time for just us. I think, if you’re feeling up to it, that the wedding should still happen,” James pulled the waffle from the iron and placed it on a plate, “that’s not to say that the three of us don’t have some work to do to earn your forgiveness.”

Shepard took a bite of the strawberry, considering, “no more leaving me at home?”

“No, we promise,” Kaidan took Shepard’s hand.

“We’ll actually start having a sex life again? You won’t all keep avoiding me because I’m sore sometimes?”

“Absolutely,” Steve confirmed.

“Then I say the wedding is still on.”

Shepard was almost taken to the ground by Kaidan’s hug, Steve rushing around the island to join them.

“Easy, boys,” Shepard pulled his arms from where Kaidan had them pinned to wrap them around both men, “don’t break me.”

“God, I’m so relieved,” Kaidan held Shepard tightly, “I really thought that was it.”

“It almost was,” Shepard spoke quietly, “it really almost was. I had Liara ready to transfer the house to you three, and I was going to stay in Toronto with Joker. I was…not great…when he came to get me.”

“Really?” James asked, turning his attention back to Shepard, “you were seriously at that point?”

“I was very seriously at that point,” Shepard nodded, reaching down to adjust Kaidan’s grip on him, “ouch, Major, gentle please.”

“Sorry,” Kaidan loosened his grip, “just making sure you stay.”

“Other ways of doing that, K. My hip is killing me today, easy on the old man.”

The doorbell chimed, “I’ll go get it,” Steve squeezed Shepard’s shoulder, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “I’m glad you’re home.”

Within a minute, Joker could be heard walking down the hallway, “get the fuck away from me, Cortez, I want to see that Shepard’s okay with my own eyes.”

“Easy, Joker,” Shepard called to him, “I’m in the kitchen.”

“Yeah, well, I would have gotten there faster if you didn’t buy a massive fucking house. You know what it’s like to walk with a limp,” Joker walked into the kitchen and crossed his arms over his chest, EDI and Steve following behind him.

“Come sit,” Shepard pushed a stool out for him.

“I don’t want to be anywhere near these assholes,” Joker grumbled, “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay before EDI and I headed back.”

“I’m getting there,” Shepard pointed at the stool, “sit.”

“No-“

“I can make it an order if you want,” Shepard pointed again, sounding stern, “sit.”

Joker frowned but walked over to the stool and sat next to Shepard, “better?”

“Yes,” Shepard agreed, “good morning, EDI.”

“Hello, Shepard.”

“You guys,” Joker pointed between Kaidan, Steve and James, “are fucking _assholes_ for what you put John through.”

“We know,” James agreed, “trust us, we know.”

“I have _never_ seen him like that, and we’ve been friends forever.”

“Jeff,” Shepard placed a careful hand on his shoulder, “it’s okay.”

“Let me finish, John, they need to listen.”

“Alright,” Shepard drank his coffee, “be nice.”

“You use him for money, for this big fancy castle,” Joker waved around the room, “you didn’t once consider how fucking hard it must have been for him to try to recover while you all lived your lives around him like it didn’t matter. I spent my entire life being left out of things because of my disability, you’re _not_ going to do that to John.”

“Joker-“

“Shut up, Major,” Joker seethed at Kaidan, “if I wouldn’t break my fist, I would have knocked you the fuck out the second I saw you. This is now the what…third time…you’ve abandoned him when he needs you? You’re a real piece of shit.”

“Jeff,” Shepard’s voice pulled Joker up short, “enough.”

Joker deflated, the wind seemingly knocked out of his sails, leaning heavily on the island, “sorry. I was just angry. It was hard seeing you that upset.”

“I know,” Shepard stood slowly, wrapping his arm over Joker’s back, “but thank you for coming to get me.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Coffee?”

“Yes, please,” Joker nodded, adjusting his hat.

Shepard walked around the back of the island, pouring Joker a coffee while the others in the room stood in silence.

“Did they apologize?” Joker asked as he took the coffee from Shepard.

“In spades,” Shepard nodded, “many times.”

“Do you forgive them?”

“No,” Shepard shook his head, “not yet, but I’m going to try too.”

“Do you think things will be better?” Joker looked up to glare at James, “now that they’re _finally_ listening.”

“If not, I’ll leave,” Shepard poured himself another coffee, “but yes, I think it’ll be better.”

“It will be,” James assured, “I promise.”

“I’m holding you to that, jarhead.” Joker pointed at James, “I can’t kick your ass, but I’ve been talking Garrus down all week from coming after you.”

“Yeah?”

“He was at Joker’s place when I arrived,” Shepard sighed, “I was trying to keep it under wraps, but you called my dad, Garrus told Tali, Liara helped with the house thing, anyway…it spread further than I wanted it too.”

“So everyone knows?” Kaidan groaned.

“You deserve it,” Joker shot back, “you deserve every ounce of shit coming your way.”

“Joker, easy.”

“Shepard, you did nothing but cry for _two days_. If they had seen you…” Joker rubbed his face, “they’d understand why I’m so upset.”

“Joker, we feel awful,” Steve spoke finally, “truly. We should have listened; we should have noticed. We understand that it’s our fault, we get it. Trust me when I say we weren’t in any better shape than John was while he was gone. James was a mess, Kaidan was one long migraine, it felt like my husband had died all over again. We all suffer when we’re apart, Joker. We’re going to work hard now to stay together.”

“John was worth that before,” Joker pointed at Steve, “he shouldn’t have to _leave_ in the middle of the night for you to see his worth. He’s a fucking hero. You’re all lucky; he even looks at you sideways.”

Shepard limped over to Joker, pulling him into a hug, which took him by surprise.

“Thank you for defending me. Joker, they know all of this. The heartbreak, me leaving, they know. All you’re doing now is salting the wounds.”

“They do appear remorseful,” EDI looked between them.

“Would you forgive me if I did that to you?” Joker asked EDI from where his face was pressed against Shepard’s chest.

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“From my understanding about love, it sometimes requires forgiving people that you love when they hurt you,” EDI fixed Joker’s hat when he pulled back.

“I guess…”

“It’ll be okay, Jeff,” Shepard limped back to his seat, “we’ll make it work.”

“Wedding still on?”

“Yes,” Shepard nodded, “the wedding is still on. We have a few months until then, and we can start putting things right. Hopefully, my limp is better by then.”

“I would like to take additional scans before we leave,” EDI requested, “if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” Shepard agreed.

“We also need to remove your transmitter,” EDI pointed to Shepard’s arm, “as you requested.”

“Oh,” Shepard ran his thumb over the bump, “I forgot it was there.”

“You have defeated the Reapers, it was our agreement it be removed after the war.”

“It was.”

“I have the equipment required in our shuttle, if you would like to do it today.”

“Sure, can I eat first or are you in a rush?”

“It would be beneficial for you to eat prior.”

“You guys want to stay for breakfast?”

Joker looked around the room before shrugging, “sure.”

***

Joker had started to relax over breakfast, eventually joining the small talk across the table.

“We owe you a thank you,” James spoke to Joker as they finished eating, “for taking care of Loco while he was gone.”

“I did that for Shepard, not for you,” Joker played with his coffee cup, avoiding James’ gaze, “he saved my life once. I’m not going to _not_ come if I’m the one he calls when he needs help.”

“I appreciated it,” Shepard pat Joker on the back, “really.”

“We appreciated it,” Steve added, “it was hard enough, but we at least knew he was safe with you.”

“Well, you’re welcome, I guess.”

“If you’re ready,” EDI stood, “I’ll go get the supplies?”

“Go ahead,” Shepard stood, “did you want to do the scans standing, or do you need me laying down?”

“Laying down would be more comfortable, they may take a few minutes.”

“I’ll head up to the bedroom then, I’ll probably take a while to get up there.”

“I’ll help you,” Steve moved to Shepard’s side, “Kaidan can clean up the kitchen and James can show them the way to the bedroom. Master bedroom or guest?”

“Master,” Shepard grabbed his cane, “see you in a few.”

***

James waited by the front door with Joker while they waited for EDI.

“Do better,” Joker didn’t look at James, “I mean it. You had him _broken_ in a million pieces. He really felt like you didn’t love him anymore.”

“Of course, I love him.”

“Then act like it,” Joker glanced at him then, “I mean it, James. Do better.”

“I will,” James took the large bag from EDI, “I promise.”

“You promised you’d do what was right when you married him. You better keep this one.”

“I know,” James led the way up the steps.

Shepard was sitting on the edge of the master bed, Joker whistling at the sight, “that bed is huge.”

“It’s built for four men,” Shepard shrugged, “we’re not small guys.”

“I will need you to take off your pants,” EDI pulled a scanner from the bag, “and lay back. I will need to interface with the cybernetics in your leg.”

“Interface?” James asked as he helped Shepard stand and kick off his pants, leaving him in his boxers.

“Plug into,” Shepard stretched out, “Steve, can you grab a towel? My new leg bleeds like crazy.”

“Sure,” Steve grabbed the towels from the bathroom, “I’m gonna…”

“Go help Kaidan clean,” Shepard waved him off, “it’s okay.”

“What’s with him?” Joker watched Steve all but run from the room.

“He’s bad with blood.”

“He’s not abandoning you again?”

“Joker, enough. They understand you’re upset with them.”

“Sorry.”

“Shepard, are you ready?”

“Go ahead,” Shepard closed his eyes as EDI pressed along his sore hip, “just be gentle.”

“Of course,” EDI found the port she was looking for, moving the towel against Shepard before pressing the receiver through the skin, pulling a hiss from Shepard.

“You okay?” James sat beside Shepard, taking his hand.

“That…really hurts,” Shepard let out a breath, “it’s never felt like it healed properly.”

“It hasn’t,” EDI confirmed, “however, I believe I may have a solution.”

“Whatever it is, just do it,” Shepard trembled as EDI shifted his leg for another reading, “I hate living like this.”

“Hang tight, she’s almost done,” Joker watched over EDI’s shoulder, “is that meant to look like that?”

“No,” EDI shook her head, “some of the cybernetics are not functioning.”

Shepard hissed in pain, dropping James’ hand to grab on the sheets instead.

“John, are you okay?” Kaidan’s voice came from the door.

“Peachy, Major,” Shepard focused on even breathing, “fucking peachy.”

“Want me to get your pain meds?”

“Yes. Please.”

EDI frowned, “if you need to stop…”

“Just do it, EDI, I’d rather get it all out of the way,” Shepard groaned as EDI moved his leg again, “_fuck_.”

“One last reading,” EDI promised, moving Shepard’s leg into a different position, another groan falling from his lips.

“Faster, please, EDI,” Shepard spoke through clenched teeth.

“You’re really hurting him,” James wiped the beads of sweat from Shepard’s face, “can you take a break?”

“Ten seconds,” EDI poured over the readings.

“You can do it, John,” James stroked Shepard’s hair, “hang tight.”

“Finished,” EDI carefully placed Shepard’s leg back on the bed, “I apologize.”

“It’s okay,” Shepard winced as EDI pulled the receiver from the port, covering the wound with a towel.

“John, here,” Kaidan passed Shepard a small pill, which he swallowed without water.

“Thanks.”

“Would you like to leave your arm for another day?”

“No, get it done,” Shepard offered EDI his arm, “I won’t feel it once the meds kick in anyway.”

Removing the transmitter from Shepard’s arm was much easier than his leg, only taking EDI a few minutes to remove, placing it in a small container on Shepard’s bedside cabinet.

“All finished,” EDI bandaged Shepard’s arm.

“Thank you,” Shepard fought against the urge to sleep, a side effect of the medication.

“We’ll let you rest, want to get together in a few weeks? Watch the game?”

“Sounds good,” Shepard agreed, “come over and check out the massive TV.”

“Deal,” Joker took EDIs hand and walked from the room.

“I’ll see them off,” James kissed Shepard’s forehead, “sleep, Loco, I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” Shepard closed his eyes, “Major, you still with me?”

“Right here,” Kaidan confirmed, “want me to shut the blinds?”

“Sure, then come join me.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.”


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

Shepard dozed on and off for the rest of the morning, Kaidan lying next to him holding his hand.

“You can come closer,” Shepard prompted, “there’s nothing to hurt on that side.”

Kaidan rolled onto his side, resting his head on Shepard’s shoulder, “you were really done with us?”

“Yes,” Shepard squeezed Kaidan’s fingers, “why?”

“I’m trying to figure out how I missed the signs,” Kaidan sighed, “how you were so unhappy, and I didn’t know.”

“I don’t know, K, I thought I was pretty obvious about it.”

He had been, Kaidan realized. Shepard frowning whenever they would go out and not ask him to join, his conversation going from long discussions to one-word responses. Shepard sleeping in the chair downstairs rather than joining them upstairs at night.

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

“You’ve said as much,” Shepard kissed Kaidan’s forehead.

“Why did you come back?”

“I love you, all of you, and I had a hard time believing that you were treating me that badly on purpose. Dudley told me that it was likely a misunderstanding.”

“James would have been devastated if you hadn’t come back. He was a total wreck without you. He spent most of his time wearing your clothes and hiding in your office.”

“And trying to call me,” Shepard added.

“That too.”

There was a gentle knock at the door, and slowly James opened it a crack, “you guys awake?”

“Yeah, mostly,” Shepard answered, “the meds are harsh. Come in.”

James slipped into the room, Steve following behind him.

“Hey, Lieutenant.”

“Admiral,” Steve sat next to Kaidan, “I heard EDI beat you up.”

“Don’t remind me,” Shepard winced, “I’m not sure how mobile I’ll be today.”

“Want another pill?”

“Not unless I’m planning on sleeping all day,” Shepard slowly sat up, resting against the headboard, “I slept enough in hospital.”

James lifted the small container holding Shepard’s transmitter, “guess this thing was worth it.”

“Guess so,” Shepard nodded, “I can’t believe I let her use it.”

“What did you want to do today?” Steve asked, “it’s only lunchtime.”

“What I would like to do, and what I can do, might be different.”

“Okay, ideal day versus real day.”

“Ideal day, go back for that cheesecake we had last night, walk through the new garden, fuck James’ brains out. Real day, probably go downstairs if I can make it, put on a movie, cuddle, and have food at some point.”

***

It had taken both Kaidan and James to get Shepard downstairs into the home theater they had built in the basement.

“Damn,” Shepard groaned as he settled onto their couch, “EDI got me good.”

“Sure seems like it,” James agreed, “what did you want to watch?”

“I don’t care, I just wanted to be close to you,” Shepard pulled James down next to him.

“Okay, Kaidan, you pick,” James sat as close to Shepard as he could manage, wrapping an arm over his shoulders.

“Romance?”

It as a testament to how sore Shepard was when he agreed, curling his fingers into James’ shirt and holding him close.

***

“What do you want for dinner, Loco?”

“Why am I picking everything, there are four of us.”

“Just pick something, John,” Kaidan helped Shepard sit at their kitchen island.

“I haven’t been grocery shopping with you since we moved in…” Shepard shrugged, “I don’t know what we even have. Lieutenant, you pick.”

“Chicken,” Steve grabbed some from the fridge, “I don’t know what to do with it, but that’s a start.”

“Leave it to me,” James opened the fridge, “I’ve got it.”

Shepard watched Kaidan and James in the kitchen with a small smile on his face, something Steve picked up on.

“What are you smiling at, Admiral?”

Shepard nodded toward the two men arguing over the seasoning of the chicken, “those two.”

“What about them?”

“I like watching them together. They’re both convinced that they know me better than the other.”

“He doesn’t even _like_ pesto, Major.”

“Yes, he does, you need to give him a break with the spicy shit, you’re going to make him sick while he’s on the pain meds.”

“Which one is right?”

“Both,” Shepard snorted, “I don’t like pesto, and spicy food does make me sick while I’m on the meds.”

“Guys,” Steve called over to them, “how about you just make a salad, like a grilled chicken ceasar?”

“Oh,” James and Kaidan looked at one another, “yeah, we could do that.”

***

“Bedtime?” James asked as Shepard yawned for the second time in half an hour.

“I don’t want to take you away from hanging out with the boys,” Shepard cracked his neck, trying to wake himself up, “don’t worry about me.”

“Alright, come on,” James stood, pulling Shepard up with him, “let’s go to bed.”

Shepard only protested for a minute before letting James lead him up the stairs, taking them slowly with a wince.

“Guest room or master?”

Shepard considered for a minute, “I don’t know.”

“Come on,” James led Shepard to the guest room, helping him sit on the bed, “if you need a few more nights with just us, that’s okay.”

“I’m trying…you know…to get over it all. I just don’t know if I could stand waking up to you wrapped around Kaidan.”

“You don’t have to explain,” James reassured, “I don’t mind one on one time.”

“I hope not, we’re married.”

“Damn straight,” James pulled his shirt over his head, “I’m going to grab our toothbrushes, I’ll be back.”

Shepard stayed where James had left him, now missing his shirt, which he had managed to pull off with some difficulty as James walked back into the room.

“I let the boys know we’re in here tonight,” James helped Shepard to stand, “just so they weren’t surprised.”

“Were they upset?”

“No, of course not,” James reassured, “they understand.”

“Kaidan’s taking it hard.”

“Yep, he sure is. Joker didn’t help.”

“I know. Joker tends to hold a grudge, and he’s like my brother.”

James passed Shepard his toothbrush, “I get it. Did you tell your dad that you’re back home?”

“Yeah, I let him know when I was on my way,” Shepard started brushing his teeth, back to the mirror.

“He was really worried about you. He called Hackett looking for you.”

“He knew where I was,” Shepard spat his toothpaste into the sink, “I called him the night before I left letting him know I was leaving if things didn’t change. I told him I was going to Joker’s, and I messaged him when I left the house. He never called Hackett, he just wasn’t going to tell you where I was because he knew I was upset.”

“Really?”

“You think I wouldn’t tell my own dad where I was going?”

“You didn’t tell your husband,” James frowned.

“No, I didn’t,” Shepard limped back into the bedroom, “because I was leaving him.”

James sighed, looking at his reflection in the mirror and taking in the bags under his eyes before following Shepard into the bedroom.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” James pulled back the blankets so Shepard could get in, “I can’t wrap my head around losing you.”

Shepard nodded, sliding into the bed, “we’re both going to have hurt feelings for a while.”

“I know,” James walked around the other side of the bed, getting in next to Shepard, “I love you, John.”

“I love you, too.”

***

Shepard woke to the sound of someone crying, blinking in the darkness of the room for a minute, trying to identify where the sound was coming from.

Turning to look at James, he found him sound asleep, snoring softly. Shepard carefully eased himself from the bed, limping to the door and pulling it open quietly.

The sound was louder here, and Shepard walked as quietly as he could down the hallway to the landing, finding Kaidan sitting against the railing, face buried in his hands.

“K?”

Kaidan jumped, rushing to wipe the evidence of his tears from his face, “shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“What’s going on?”

“Just…struggling.”

“Talk to me about it,” Shepard used the railing to sit next to Kaidan.

“You shouldn’t be on the floor.”

“You shouldn’t be crying by yourself in our hallway. Talk to me, K.”

Kaidan took a shuddering breath, “I _hate_ you being in that room instead of with us. I hate that you left. I hate that you felt like you had to. Now you’re back, but you aren’t sleeping with us, and it feels like we’re broken up, even though you haven’t. I still feel like I’m going through a breakup, my heart hurts.”

“I’m just down the hall, K.”

“I know, but after losing you…” Kaidan leaned back against the railing, “I miss you. I miss touching you. I miss sleeping with you.”

“Why didn’t you wake up Steve? Talk to him about this?”

“I don’t miss Steve, I miss you.”

“James and I will come back in the big bed tomorrow,” Shepard offered, “if you want.”

“I do,” Kaidan reached for Shepard, “I really do.”

“Okay,” Shepard straightened his legs with a wince, pulling Kaidan to straddle him, “tomorrow, we’ll be in there.”

“I’m going to hurt you,” Kaidan gave a token protest before folding himself into Shepard’s arms, face against his neck as he breathed Shepard in.

“I can manage a few minutes,” Shepard ran his hand over Kaidan’s back.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Of course you can,” Shepard let Kaidan direct the kiss, starting with just a gentle press of their lips, a sweet reunion.

Kaidan moaned softly, turning his face to kiss Shepard deeply, holding him in place with a hand on the back of Shepard’s neck.

“Well then,” Steve spoke from the bedroom door, “glad to see you two kissing and making up.”

“I missed him,” Kaidan spoke mostly to Shepard, running his thumb over Shepard’s swollen bottom lip, “terribly.”

“We all did,” Steve agreed, “this house isn’t a home without John in it.”

“Got that right, Esteban,” James commented as he walked down the hall, “maybe don’t leave the bed in the middle of the night without waking me up? Gave me a heart attack.”

“Sorry,” Shepard looked sheepish, “I heard Kaidan and wanted to check on him.”

“You okay, Major?”

“Struggling without John in there,” Kaidan nodded toward the master bedroom.

“Alright, K, I need to stand, or I’ll be stuck here forever.”

Kaidan stood, offering a hand to Shepard to help him stand, not letting Shepard’s hand go once he was upright.

“K?”

“Please come back to bed with us.”

Shepard took a deep breath before nodding, “come on, baby, our boys need us.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah,” Shepard waited for James to walk beside him, “I’m sure.”

***

Shepard’s back was throbbing as he woke up, trying to stretch but finding himself pinned. Opening his eyes, he looked down to see James across his chest, Kaidan with this face pressed into his stomach, an arm half over James and Steve wrapped around his other arm, the only available part of his body which hadn’t been taken up by the larger men.

“I wish I had a picture of this,” Shepard spoke to himself.

“Picture of what?” Steve mumbled into his shoulder.

“You three, wrapped around me like vines.”

“We’re trying to stop you from leaving us again.”

“This is a good start, I’ve missed feeling wanted in this bed.”

“You’ve always been wanted, John. I promise,” Steve kissed Shepard’s shoulder, opening his eyes to look at the other men, “Is this comfortable for you?”

“Not in the slightest,” Shepard shook his head, “it’s actually very painful.”

“Want me to move them?”

“No,” Shepard closed his eyes, “I can handle it for a bit longer.”

“Kaidan’s drooling on you.”

“I know,” Shepard smiled, “I can feel it.”

“He loves you so much.”

“I love him too, and you, Lieutenant.”

“What about me?” James mumbled, still half asleep.

“I love you the most.”

“Am I squishing you?”

“Yes, baby, you sure are,” Shepard groaned as James rolled onto his back, Shepard’s muscles spasming.

“Okay?”

“Just…sore,” Shepard grit his teeth, “it’ll pass.”

James carefully wrapped his arms around Kaidan, pulling him up the bed to settle against his chest, “stretch it out, Loco.”

Shepard nodded, sitting up against the headboard as Kaidan started to rouse.

“Why’d you move me?”

“You were on John’s bad leg,” James ran his hands through Kaidan’s hair, “and he was too polite to move you.”

“Shit, are you okay?”

“My back’s spasming,” Shepard closed his eyes, “a lot.”

“I’ll call EDI after breakfast, see if she’s made headway,” Steve slid out of bed, “want some meds, John?”

Shepard shook his head, “I don’t want to sleep another day away.”

“You’re in pain…”

“I’m always in pain, Steve. The cybernetics burn, my hip was crushed, my fake leg is too heavy, I can handle a backache.”

“You know what, I’m going to call EDI now,” Steve pulled up his omni-tool, walking from the room.

“Loco, on a day to day, what’s your pain level?”

“On what scale?”

“One to ten.”

“Average day, like a seven. Yesterday I was a solid eleven all day, between our date and EDI bending my leg I was really sore.”

“Christ, John, why didn’t you tell us it was that bad?” Kaidan sat, looking at Shepard with concern.

“Because you all _already_ avoid touching me. I wasn’t going to tell you that it hurt when you tried.”

“Hang on, EDI, I’m just walking back into the room, and I’ll put you on speaker,” Steve walked back in, pressing a button, “okay, repeat it.”

“You have two issues, Admiral. One, the first cybernetics placed for your prosthetic was put slightly out of alignment, probably due to the fact you were bleeding out when the surgery was conducted. Second, due to the misalignment, your prosthetic is shorting out with each step, which is why it feels so heavy.”

“Okay,” Shepard prompted, “what can we do?”

“I will need to rewire the prosthetic, and we will need to replace the cybernetic.”

“So, more surgery?” James asked.

“More surgery, yes,” EDI confirmed, “I have spoken with Dr. Chakwas, who is available to assist on Friday.”

“Book it,” Shepard sighed, “I’ll be there.”

“Alright,” EDI paused, “you will need to arrive at the hospital for 8:30 AM.”

“Sounds good. How long will I be in there?”

“It will be a laparoscopic surgery if all goes to plan you’ll be able to leave the hospital the same day.”

“Oh,” Shepard cheered up at that, “good.”

“You will need someone with you.”

“I’ll come,” James volunteered immediately.

“See you then, Shepard.”

***

“Excited?” James asked on the car ride to the hospital, Kaidan and Steve in the back seat.

“No,” Shepard watched the trees as they drove past, “I hate surgery. The last thing this body needs is more scars.”

“I like your body,” James reassured, “and they’ll only be tiny scars.”

Shepard didn’t speak again until they arrived at the hospital, signing in and being directed to a waiting room.

“Can I at least get a smile from you before you go in?” James nudged Shepard with his shoulder, “think about all the kinky stuff we can do once that leg is healed.”

“I’ll just be happy to hold you three without pain,” Shepard sighed, “it would be nice to actually have sex, though.”

“I thought you and James…”

“Once,” Shepard answered Steve, “considering we used to manage four or so times a day, you can say I’m going a little crazy with withdrawal.”

“I’ll get Dr. Chakwas to prescribe some lovin’ for you as a recovery method,” James winked at Shepard, blowing him a kiss.

“I think not, Commander,” Dr. Chakwas spoke from behind James, making him jump and pulling a laugh from Shepard.

“Hi Karin,” Shepard stood slowly, taking his cane from Kaidan, “ready for me?”

“We are,” Dr. Chakwas confirmed, “it’s nice to see you, Admiral.”

“You don’t work for me anymore, you can call me John,” Shepard followed Dr. Chakwas down the hallway, “I’m retired.”

“You’re still my hero, Admiral,” Dr. Chakwas stopped outside the door, “sorry boys, he’s mine for now.”

“Good luck,” James kissed Shepard, “I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Why don’t you guys go back to the house, EDI will call you when I’m done.”

“Not a fucking chance,” Kaidan shook his head, “we’ll go get a coffee and be right in as soon as you’re done.”

“Okay,” Shepard kissed Kaidan and Steve’s forehead, “I’ll see you guys soon.”

***

“Oh fuck,” Shepard groaned as he came to, “fuck that hurts.”

“Good morning to you, too, Admiral,” Dr. Chakwas laughed as she wheeled him into recovery, “it went perfectly, once the tenderness from the surgery is gone you should feel much better.”

“Will I still limp?” Shepard tried to clear his blurry eyes, “where are the boys?”

“On their way, they’re in the cafeteria which is across the hospital, they’ll be a few minutes. Yes, Admiral, you will likely limp sometimes, though I expect your pain to be less than half of what it was.”

“Cane?”

“Probably not, unless you overdo it,” Dr. Chakwas shook her head, “I imagine you won't need it after the recovery is done.”

“John!” James slid around the corner, almost falling, “are you okay?”

“Easy, I’m fine,” Shepard reached for him, “just headed to recovery for a bit to wake up.”

“The boys are just at the gift shop, they’ll be here soon,” James followed Dr. Chakwas into the private room they had booked for Shepard, sitting on the edge of the bed as soon as it was locked into place, “how do you feel?”

“Like I just had surgery.”

“John…”

“He likely doesn’t know yet, Commander, he’s still groggy,” Dr. Chakwas hooked up various monitors across Shepard’s chest, “ask him again in half an hour.”

“When can I go home?” Shepard fought the urge to sleep, “not that it isn’t nice to see you.”

“A few hours yet, Admiral.”

“Damn.”

“Rest, Admiral, I’ll be by to check on you shortly.”


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“He’s waking up,” Kaidan’s voice was low.

“No, I’m not,” Shepard disagreed, “I’m asleep.”

“How are you feeling, Loco?”

“Actually,” Shepard shifted in the bed slightly, testing his new leg with a small bend, “better.”

“Yeah?” James looked delighted, “really?”

“I mean, still sore, but it feels like it weighs what it should,” Shepard turned to look at the three men, “how long have I been asleep?”

“A few hours. Dr. Chakwas thought you looked like you haven’t been sleeping well, she gave you some sleep meds after surgery.”

“She’s such a shit with those,” Shepard reached for the control remote of the bed, bringing it up, so he was sitting, “I think she likes drugging me.”

“It’s the only way to get you to sleep, Admiral,” Dr. Chakwas spoke from the corner, “and from what your men have told me, you’ve had a bad week.”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“I spoke with David earlier this week. He was very concerned about you,” Dr. Chakwas took a seat next to Kaidan, “your feelings are normal, Admiral, given what you’ve gone through. It will get easier with time.”

“I hope so,” Shepard sighed, “I’m sick of being broken when I could be helping the people out there.”

“You’ve done enough, John,” Dr. Chakwas use of his first name drew Shepard’s attention, “honestly, darling, you are the only reason they have anything to rebuild. Give yourself a break, you’ve more than earned one.”

Shepard gave a small nod, “I guess.”

“Don’t argue with your adopted mother,” Dr. Chakwas gave Shepard’s foot an affectionate squeeze, “would you like some lunch? Once you’ve been awake long enough for me to ensure there are no side effects from the surgery, I will discharge you.”

“That would be nice, thanks.”

“I’ll go fetch you something,” Dr. Chakwas walked from the room.

“Loco, I think you were right,” James watched Dr. Chakwas leave, “she’d be perfect for Hackett.”

***

“Alright, Admiral, we don’t want you walking much for today as the cybernetics do their work, but let's see if we can’t get a few steps from you to the wheelchair,” Dr. Chakwas put the breaks on the chair across the room, “Kaidan, James, either side please.”

Kaidan and James moved to stand near the bed, watching as Shepard shifted his weight to bring his legs over the side.

“Ready?” Shepard asked them as he prepared to stand.

“Let’s see it, Loco. I want you to dance to that wheelchair.”

“Let’s walk before I run, baby,” Shepard slowly dropped to his feet, standing for a moment, “well, that’s certainly not as painful.”

“Good, now, carefully walk this way.”

To the delight of the men in the room, Shepard did. His limp already better as he lowered himself into the wheelchair.

“How was that, Admiral?”

“So much better,” Shepard smiled, “like a 75% improvement.”

“Wonderful,” Dr. Chakwas updated her records, “take it easy for the next few days, then you can slowly start to use it as normal, alright? Any pain, let EDI or I know.”

“I will,” Shepard agreed, “can I go home?”

“Yes, Admiral, you can go home.”

“Join us for dinner before you go back to London?” Shepard asked, “please?”

“I’d love too,” Dr. Chakwas squeezed Shepard’s shoulder, “I leave Wednesday.”

“We’ll see you Monday,” Shepard relaxed in the chair as James pushed him from the room, “one of the boys can come and get you.”

“It sounds lovely,” Dr. Chakwas gave a wave as she left them at the end of the hallway.

Shepard dialed out on his omni-tool, holding a finger to his lips for the boys, “hey Uncle Steven, yeah, the surgery went fine. I was just thinking, you haven’t seen our new place, were you free for dinner Monday? You are? Perfect. I’ll send you the address.”

“Loco,” James chuckled as Shepard hung up, “you shit.”

***

“Easy does it,” Kaidan helped Shepard into the large bed, propping him up with pillows, “there you go, did you need anything?”

“Company?”

“Sure, who do you want?”

“All of you, any of you, I don’t mind.”

“I’ve got some laundry to get started, then I’ll be right back,” Steve promised, “I’ll bring up a snack.”

“Sounds good,” Shepard closed his eyes and rolled his leg, stretching out the hip joint.

“How do you feel?” Kaidan sat on the bed next to Shepard.

“So much better,” Shepard moved his leg again, a grin crossing his face, “I’m going to fuck James’ brain out in a few days.”

“Looking forward to it, Loco,” James laughed as he carried Shepard’s bag into the room.

“Come here a second,” Shepard waved for James to walk over, “I need to try something.”

James crawled across the bed, sitting next to Shepard, “what?”

“Give me your hand,” Shepard extended his own, waiting for James to take it.

“Okay?” James held Shepard’s hand, “what now?”

“Tell me if I hurt you,” Shepard had a look of pure concentration across his face as he slowly closed his hand around James’, holding it firmly but not painfully.

“No, that’s fine,” James shrugged, when Shepard stopped tightening his hand.

“Holy shit,” Shepard beamed, “she did it.”

“What?”

“EDI said she would turn down my strength,” Shepard took Kaidan’s hand next, repeating the motion, “oh my god, it’s like touching you normally.”

“Oh, wow,” Kaidan gave Shepard’s hand a squeeze, “you’re not dialing it back?”

“I am, a bit, but that’s mostly because I’m strong anyway, and I could hurt you with or without cybernetics,” Shepard laughed, “god it feels so _good_.”

“Come here, Loco,” James pulled Shepard in for a kiss, “you’re adorable.”

“Do you have any idea what it’s going to be like for me?” Shepard spoke in between kisses with James, “it’ll be the first time that it’s felt like I’ve actually hugged you. Sex will be easier. I won't have to grab the sheets because I’m scared of hurting you.”

“You’re more excited about this than your leg,” Kaidan reclined back next to Shepard.

“God, K, I’ve wanted to properly touch you all for months. This is a dream come true.”

***

“I’m bored,” Shepard announced after dinner.

“Loco, you’ve been home like four hours.”

“I know, but I’m feeling better, and this is making me restless.”

“What do you want to do?” Steve asked from the island where he was clearing away the plates.

“Honestly? My ideal would be going for a run,” Shepard stood, walking with a slight limp but no cane toward the living room, “but mostly, I just want to move.”

“How about some wedding planning?” Steve offered, “still lots to do.”

“Sure,” Shepard sat on the couch, “let’s go over it.”

“Oh shit, you’re going to wish you hadn’t said that, John.” Kaidan followed them, sitting next to Steve.

“Why?”

“Because Steve is wedding _crazy_.”

“Great, it’ll keep my mind off of things,” Shepard leaned back on the couch as Steve started casting pictures to the large screen in the room, “why don’t you show me what I’ve already paid for, and let me know how much more it’s going to hurt.”

“Alright, let’s start at the top.”

***

Shepard slept until almost lunch the following day, the medication working its way out of his system. When he woke up in the master bedroom, he was alone.

_We got bored waiting for a certain sleepyhead to wake up. We’re downstairs with food for you. Let us know when you’re awake – JV_

Shepard smiled, getting out of bed and pulling on a clean pair of sweats, heading downstairs to the kitchen.

“Looks like you need to cut the grass, Major,” James spoke from the kitchen, “I don’t want John to trip the first time he can go out there.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that today,” Kaidan agreed, “should do some weeding too, so it’s not too bad before the wedding.”

“That reminds me, I need to pick up our rings,” Steve commented, “I’ll see if John wants to come with.”

“Sure,” Shepard smiled as the men jumped, “sounds nice.”

“Uh, John,” James watched as Shepard walked around the island, grabbing a piece of bacon from the plate.

“Yeah, babe?”

“Your leg?” James prompted, watching Shepard walk with almost no limp.

“Oh,” Shepard paused, looking down, “I forgot about it. It didn’t hurt when I woke up.”

“You walked all this way without your cane?”

“I guess so,” Shepard shrugged, walking over to the window to look outside, “we could hire a landscaper, though I wouldn’t say no to watching Kaidan mowing the lawn topless.”

“You remember my sunburn, no way I’m doing that topless.”

“Leave it another couple days, and I’ll do it,” Shepard offered, walking over to James, “Hey, baby.”

“Hey,” James did a slow once over as John approached him, “it’s good to see you walking again.”

“It’s good to be walking again,” Shepard pulled James to him, kissing along the side of his neck, “I wonder what else I can do…”

“That sounds like a great idea, but we should probably wait until you’re 24 hours out from surgery,” James kissed Shepard to lessen the sting of rejection, “Dr. Chakwas might beat me if I don’t.”

“You’re mine tonight,” Shepard almost growled, “bad hip or not.”

“You got it.”

“I guess we should go get those rings sooner rather than later then, I don’t think we’ll pull you out of bed later.”

“No, Lieutenant, you sure won't.”

***

Steve and Shepard had spent the afternoon _shopping_. Kaidan had been right; once Steve started on wedding projects, he was like a wind-up toy, bouncing around from store to store.

“Lieutenant,” Shepard complained affectionately, “my wallet hurts.”

“Sorry,” Steve frowned as he looked over various tablecloths, “too much?”

“I’m joking, I’m happy to pay for your dream wedding, but can we take a bit of a break? My leg is starting to ache a bit.”

“Of course, there was a coffee shop just down the street.”

“After you,” Shepard followed Steve from the store, walking down the street hand in hand, “it’s so nice to be out of the house.”

“I bet,” Steve pointed to the small coffee shop, “it looks open.”

“Come on,” Shepard crossed the street, Steve in tow, “it’s going to rain.”

“We live in Vancouver, it’s always raining,” Steve held open the door for Shepard, “why don’t you take a seat, I’ll get us something.”

“Sure,” Shepard found a booth in the corner with a small semblance of privacy, sitting down while fighting a groan. He felt better, but not _wedding planning with Steve_ better.

There was quiet music playing, and as Shepard scanned the crowd, he spotted a Quarian in the corner with an instrument he didn’t recognize, singing.

“Neat place,” Steve put a large fancy looking coffee in front of Shepard.

Shepard could tell immediately it had too much cream and too much sugar, but took the drink gratefully, “it’s very nice. Right up Kaidan’s alley.”

“Oh, for sure,” Steve agreed, “I like her singing.”

“I do, too. I wonder if she does bookings.”

“For the wedding?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“I like it. Let’s talk to her before we go.”

“Sure,” Shepard took a sip of his coffee and fought a wince, it was _so_ sweet.

“So, are you feeling better?”

“Leg is better, yeah. I just needed a break.”

“I didn’t mean your leg, John. I mean, at home.”

“Oh,” Shepard thought about it, “yeah, it’s getting better. I still feel a little-“ Shepard struggled to find the word, “displaced?”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I have a young, fit husband. Two fit boyfriends, and I’m still struggling. The lack of sex life is really getting to me. Watching James watch you, and Kaidan, while I’m limping around the house feeling like a burden. I mean, at least he’s listening to me now, and he notices when I’m starting to feel stress.” Shepard sighed, “sometimes, I think I’m only useful when I’m killing someone.”

“That’s not true,” Steve disagreed with a shake of his head, “you hold our family together. When you left…well… we avoided the master bedroom and slept on the couch. James just cried or shouted for the entire time. Kaidan had one long migraine. I walked around like I had been widowed again. You may not be able to do what you could before, but we still need you.”

“You’ve seemed very calm about it all.”

“I knew you would come back,” Steve met Shepard’s gaze, “I was positive.”

“How?”

“Because I love you, _we_ love you, and you love us right back. I’m not discounting how hurt you were, but you wouldn’t just walk out on us. You’ve never given up on anything just because it’s hard.”

“Hmm,” Shepard considered Steve’s words, “I really was going to transfer the house to you three.”

“No, you weren’t,” Steve laughed, “please. You love James more than life itself. Could you ever really leave him?”

“I promised myself after my last ex that I wouldn’t let anyone put me last again, so yeah, I think I could. I would hate to do it, but…”

“James wouldn’t let you. Hell, I wouldn’t let you. I would have been in Toronto so fast to bring you home.”

Shepard didn’t respond, instead of leaning back in the chair with his too-sweet coffee in his hands, listening to the music.

“John?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re trying to make it up to you.”

“I know.”

***

“What did you buy?” James asked as he helped Steve carry the bags inside.

“Everything,” Shepard walked into the kitchen, smiling in greeting to Kaidan, “at least one of everything. That man can shop.”

“He sure can,” Kaidan agreed, “Christ, Steve, we’re going to be eating ramen with the way you’re spending it.”

“I covered it,” Shepard assured, “don’t worry.”

“That’s hardly fair,” Kaidan protested, “it’s _our_ wedding, the four of us, why are you paying for it?”

Shepard pressed a few buttons on his omni-tool, “there you go, K. Here’s the receipts from today. Cash or credit?”

Kaidan blanched, “uh…”

“Payment plans?”

“Have I mentioned how much I love you lately?” Kaidan blushed as he looked at Shepard.

“No,” Shepard smiled at Kaidan, “but that’s okay. I can manage your husband's spending.”

Kaidan laughed, “I appreciate it. Seriously, Steve, what else is there to buy?”

“Not much, the landscaper for the wedding, the tent and chair rental, then I think we’re done.”

“Thank god for that,” Shepard sat at the kitchen island, “did we send invites?”

“I held them back, they were meant to go out last week,” Kaidan looked between Steve and James, “am I okay to send them now?”

“Why wouldn’t you be?” Shepard grabbed an apple from the bowl, taking a bite.

“Are you…”

“Am I?”

“Staying? I mean, have we done enough to win you back?”

“Send the invites, Major.”

“Okay,” Kaidan seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, “I’ll do that tonight.”

“Do we have a safe?” Steve set the bag from the jewelers down on the island, “I’d like to keep these safe.”

“In my office,” Shepard nodded, “you’re all keyed into it, go ahead.”

Steve took the bag and walked down the hall, James grabbing the remaining bags and taking them upstairs.

“Alright, K?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s try that again, without you lying to me. Alright, K?”

“I’m stressed,” Kaidan ran a hand through his hair, “I still feel like there is some distance between us.”

“Well, yeah, you’re on the other side of the island.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant, Major. The only way to close the distance is to _actually _close it,” Shepard waved him over, “come here.”

Kaidan walked over to Shepard cautiously, stopping just in front of him, letting out a startled gasp as Shepard pulled him in for a hug, pausing for a minute before wrapping his arms around Shepard.

“I missed you while you were gone, I’m terrified I’m going to say or do something that will make you leave again,” Kaidan closed his eyes as Shepard started to run his fingers through his hair.

“It was you _not_ doing things that made me left, and it wasn’t just you, K. I’m back now.”

Kaidan nodded, burying himself deeper into Shepard’s arms, “I love you.”

“And I love you.”

“You two are cute,” Steve smiled as he walked back into the kitchen, “cuddle time?”

“Kaidan needed a little reassurance,” Shepard didn’t let Kaidan go, “and I never say no to a hug from him, he always smells good.”

Kaidan laughed, pulling back to stick his tongue out at Shepard, a small glimmer of hope in his chest reassuring him that maybe things were headed on the right track.


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Huh,” James snapped his fingers, “that’s it.”

“What’s it?” Shepard looked at James from where he was loading the dishwasher.

“I was trying to figure out what was different about you since you got out of the hospital, I just figured it out.”

“My leg,” Shepard offered, “my tattoos are fucked up, I limp, my hair is shorter…”

“Your eyes don’t glow,” James gestured to his own face, then to Kaidan and Steve, the occasional rolling green lighting their faces.

“No, they won't, my eyes aren’t real,” Shepard closed the dishwasher and leaned against the counter, “they’re just projections from implants, they aren’t real eyes. I can light them up blue if you want.”

“Why do ours, do you know?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, I do. Considering you just finished eating, I think you likely don’t want me to get into it,” Shepard shifted uncomfortably, “maybe another time.”

“Do you…remember what happened on the Citadel, when the crucible activated?”

“Yes,” Shepard answered Kaidan, “I’d rather not talk about it if you don’t mind.”

“Don’t worry about it, Loco,” James reassured, “whenever you’re ready.”

Shepard nodded, distracting himself from the subject by playing with a nearby plant, picking off the dead leaves.

“You like gardening, don’t you?” Steve watched as Shepard turned the plant, moving it to a better spot for lighting.

“Yeah, it’s the one thing I got from my mom,” Shepard walked to the trash, throwing away the leaves, “she loved flowers.”

“You going to plant some flowers for me, Loco?” James gave Shepard an exaggerated wink.

“You’re greedy, aren’t you,” Shepard smiled as James walked over to him, pulling them together with a hand on his lower back, “I saved the world for you, and now you want flowers?”

“It’s nice to feel appreciated sometimes, you never buy me flowers,” James joked before realizing he may hit a nerve.

“I’ll buy you flowers,” Shepard promised, kissing James’ cheek.

“How’s your leg feeling?” James let his hands drop lower, giving Shepard’s bum a squeeze.

“Not bad,” Shepard arched an eyebrow, “why, did you have something in mind?”

“A few things, but I think we need to go _upstairs_ to talk about them.”

“Yeah,” Shepard kissed along James’ neck, biting gently, “why?”

“Loco,” James tried to urge Shepard to step back so he could move, “let’s go.”

“Kaidan and Steve have watched us before,” Shepard moved to the other side of his neck, flicking his tongue over the tattooed skin.

“John, it’s our second time since you’ve been out of the hospital,” James whimpered as Shepard bit down on the shell of his ear, “_please_.”

“Okay,” Shepard pulled back, “lead the way.”

***

James wasn’t sure what to do once he had Shepard in the master bedroom, standing in front of him, trying to look casual.

“Alright?” Shepard asked James softly.

_Clearly, not pulling off casual_, James sighed, “I’m nervous.”

“Why?” Shepard closed the distance between them, “we have done this _many_ times before.”

“I know it just feels different now.”

“We’re not racing a clock now,” Shepard kissed James gently, “now we have time together and no giant space bugs coming for me.”

“Yeah,” James pulled on Shepard’s shirt, freeing it from where it had been tucked into his pants and running his hand across the newly exposed skin, “are you sure you’re feeling up to it?”

“I’ll let you know if I’m not,” Shepard promised, lifting James’ shirt over his head, “but I feel fine, I’m a little sore, but I’ve been worse after a long mission.”

“You heal so fast,” James copied Shepard’s motions, pulling his shirt off and discarding it behind him.

“I better, what’s the point in the robot parts otherwise?” Shepard pushed James backwards until his knees hit the bed, “I want you naked, _now_.”

“I’ll take mine off, you get yours, I don’t want to hit anything tender,” James watched Shepard carefully as he pulled his pants and boxers down and off with no regard, crawling onto the bed next to him, “well then.”

“I told you, I feel fine,” Shepard moved up to the head of the bed, kneeling by the pillows as James finished undressing, “come here.”

James crawled toward Shepard, dropping down onto his stomach just in front of him to kiss Shepard’s thighs.

“I like this idea,” Shepard spread his legs to allow more room for James.

James smiled into Shepard’s skin, biting gently as he continued his path up before passing Shepard’s rapidly hardening cock to kiss back down the other leg.

“Tease,” Shepard chuckled, “remember, I can get you back without even moving.”

“You didn’t get EDI to turn down your biotics?”

“Biotics, sight, hearing, I kept enhanced, the only thing I turned down was my strength. I even kept the muscle enhancements for you.”

“So, you’re always going to be built like a tank?”

“Yes,” Shepard watched James work his way back up his leg, groaning as James took his cock into his mouth, “_fuck_, I’ve missed this.”

James hummed, pulling a bright blue flash from Shepard.

“Easy, baby, I don’t know what kind of stamina I’m going to have,” Shepard gave a small protest, but brought his hand to the back of James’ head to gently direct his speed.

James let Shepard guide him, relaxing into Shepard’s rhythm as Shepard rolled his hips, cherishing each moan and gasp that fell from Shepard’s lips.

“God, I love you,” Shepard pulled James up, bringing James to his knees to mirror Shepard’s pose.

“I love you too,” James kissed Shepard, rocking his hips and reaching between them to take both of their cocks in his hand, “and I very much need you to start getting me ready.”

“Lay down,” Shepard encouraged, “where do you guys keep the lube now?”

“No idea,” James took one bedside cabinet while Shepard took the other, searching through the drawers, “I haven’t had a reason to use it.”

“Got it,” Shepard pulled a bottle from the drawer and held it up in triumph.

“Good job,” James laughed, “come here, sexy.”

Shepard smiled, laying beside James, “face me.”

James rolled on his side, “how are you-“

Shepard pulled James’ leg over his hip, “like this.”

“Doesn’t this hurt?”

“If it did, I wouldn’t do it.” Shepard poured some lube into his hand before reaching around James to tease the tight ring of muscle, “I’m not a total idiot, babe, I’ve wanted to be inside you for weeks. I’m not going to fuck this up now.”

“Okay,” James closed his eyes, trusting Shepard as he slowly pressed a finger inside of him.

“Feel okay?”

“It’s been a while,” James brought his hand between them to stroke their cocks again, “but it feels good.”

“We’re going to take it very slow,” Shepard promised, kissing James’ forehead, “for the both of us.”

The minutes felt like hours as Shepard slowly moved his fingers, going from one to two to three over what felt like the longest foreplay James had ever had.

“John, come on.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

“How do you –“

“However, won’t hurt you,” James answered, “other than that, I don’t care so long as you do it _now_.”

“Pushy,” Shepard smiled, pushing James’ leg off of his hip, stretching his sore leg, “for now, let’s get you on your hands and knees.”

“Yeah?” James did as Shepard asked, looking over his shoulder, “you don’t normally do this position.”

“No, but you do look beautiful like this,” Shepard ran his hand over the curve of James’ ass, admiring him, “I wish I had done this sooner.”

James watched Shepard slick his cock before kneeling behind him, carefully positioning himself before pushing forward gently.

“_Dios Mio,”_ James groaned as the pleasure spiked up his spine, “I’ve missed this.”

“Me too,” Shepard stretched over him, kissing along James’ shoulder and neck, “so badly.”

James moaned with each rock of Shepard’s hips, dropping his chest to the bed and fisting the sheets, “faster.”

“No,” Shepard kept the pace, “let me enjoy this.”

James groaned, reaching down to stroke himself, “please…”

“Baby,” Shepard’s hands were roaming James’ back, firm strokes over the broad planes of muscles before grabbing his hips, “this is the first time I’ve been able to really touch you, give me a few minutes to enjoy this.”

James was only slightly embarrassed by the whimper that fell from his lips at each thrust, reveling in the confidence of Shepard’s touch as his hands moved over his body.

Even Shepard, with all of his restraint, could not keep the love-making slow, his thrusts coming a little harder, a little rougher, until all that could be heard was the sound of skin on skin and moaning as James grew frantic.

“_John_,” James could feel his orgasm just out of reach, “harder.”

For the first time since they had been together, Shepard gave him what he asked for, thrusting into James hard enough that only Shepard’s grip on his hips stopped him from moving up the bed as Shepard took him harder than he ever had before. James keened, the pleasure reaching a peak of _almost_ too much as he came over his hand, John’s name on his lips. It only took another second before Shepard followed him over the edge, moaning into the skin of James’ back as he trembled through the force of his orgasm, waves of blue running over his skin. 

“_Fuck,”_ Shepard almost laughed as he carefully pulled out and dropped onto the bed next to James, grabbing at his bad leg.

“You okay?” James looked at Shepard with confusion, the duality of Shepard’s laughter while clutching at a new surgical site.

“Fucking charlie-horse,” Shepard rubbed at the muscle, “so worth it, though.”

James couldn’t help but join in Shepard’s laughter, sitting up to help him rub the knot in the muscle, “I think that was the best sex we’ve ever had.”

“I’d agree with that,” Shepard brought his hand up to James’ shoulder, squeezing it affectionately, “it was so nice to be able to touch you, properly.”

“No complaints from me.”

“Come here, cuddle me for a minute and then we need to change the sheets. I don’t want Steve mad at me.”

***

There was a soft knock at the door about an hour later.

“Come in,” James called, not moving from his place against Shepard’s chest.

“It’s getting late,” Kaidan pushed the door open, “I’m just going to grab our toothbrushes.”

“Why aren’t you sleeping in here?”

“We thought you might like the night alone…”

“K,” Shepard looked at Kaidan with a smile, “you don’t do well when we sleep apart.”

“I know –“

“So go get the Lieutenant and come to bed.”

“We didn’t want to interrupt.”

“He fucked my brains out, Major. No round two tonight,” James yawned, wrapping his arms tighter around Shepard’s stomach.

“Okay,” Kaidan walked back out of the room, calling down the stairs for Steve, “you’re sure?”

“K, get your ass into bed,” Shepard pulled back the covers, “now.”

“I told you they would want us in here,” Steve stuck his tongue out at Kaidan as he walked into the room, “you kids have fun?”

“Oh my god, Esteban, you should take a turn. Now that his implants are dialed back,” James let out a low whistle, “he’s even better in bed if you can believe it.”

“I can’t,” Steve laughed, “it’s not possible.”

“Too sore to show you tonight, but if you want to have fun tomorrow, let me know,” Shepard’s closed his eyes.

Kaidan and Steve got ready for bed quickly, laying down next to Shepard and pulling the blanket over the group.

There was a ding from their omni-tools, which roused James, “who’s messaging all of us?”

“It’s the wedding invite going out,” Kaidan whispered, rolling to face Shepard and James, “you’re cc’d on it.”

There was another chime.

Then another.

Soon, the room was filled with one message notification after another, their omni-tools lighting the room.

“K, how many people did you invite?”

“Only who we discussed,” Kaidan opened the messages, “what was it, like 60 people?”

“About that,” Shepard agreed, “so what’s going on?”

“They’re RSVPing, already,” Kaidan scrolled through them, “we already have 30 yeses. “

“Great news,” Shepard set his omni-tool on silent before reaching for James’ and doing the same, “but I’m exhausted.”

***

“Oh my god, Anthony, it’s _fine,_” Shepard looked at the suit in the mirror, “it’s perfect. Your suits always are.”

“I still think we should take the cuffs up a bit higher, just in case you need the cane,” Anthony was a flurry of activity in the living room, bolts of fabric and pins littering every available surface.

“I’m _not_ using the cane at our wedding, no way.”

“James said-“

“Anthony,” Shepard reached for the man, pulling the now bright pink-haired man, to a stop, “chill.”

“Sorry,” Anthony took a deep breath, “I want to make sure everything is right.”

“It is,” Shepard looked in the mirror again, double-checking the black on black suit, “it’s great.”

“If you’re sure…”

“We could call James in and ask him?”

“No,” Anthony shook his head, he had been strict that the suits be a surprise on the wedding day, “nice try.”

“Worth a shot,” Shepard shrugged, letting Anthony pull the suit jacket from his arms.

“Do you have much more to do? It’s only a few weeks away.”

“That’s a better question for Steve,” Shepard undid his shirt, passing it back to Anthony to put in the suit bag, “all I know is that he’s slowly making me broke.”

“That’s what happens when you have three men instead of one,” Anthony laughed, “I don’t know how you manage it.”

“One day at a time,” Shepard smiled, things had been much better between the four of them, and the upcoming wedding had taken over most of their days.

More specifically, _Steve_ had taken over their days. Kaidan booking, confirming, and confirming again, their hair cuts the day before, Shepard spending hours in the garden working on the flowers, James helping Steve put away and organize the chairs, tables, and tent in the garage.

“I’m so happy for you,” Anthony tucked the pants inside the suit bag and zipped it up, “you still want me to deliver these two days before?”

“Two or three,” Shepard agreed, “so Steve doesn’t stress.”

“No problem,” Anthony started gathering his supplies, “I’ll be there with bells on.”

“_No bells on the wedding suits_!” Steve shouted from the kitchen, dissolving Anthony and Shepard into laughter.

***

“Oh my god,” Steve paced the length of the bathroom, “ohmygodohmygodohmygod.”

“Easy, Lieutenant,” Shepard spat out his toothpaste and took in his reflection, running a hand over the short beard he had grown for the occasion. Not much more than stubble, but Shepard thought it showed off his jawline.

Judging by the _extensive_ love marks across his chest, James agreed.

“It’s _today_,” Steve wiped his hands on his sweatpants before starting his pacing again, “we’re getting married _today_.”

“I know, I got an invite,” Shepard combed through his hair, “and you kicked my husband out of our room last night.”

“It’s tradition.”

“First of all, Steve, James and I are _already_ married, second, it’s traditional for the bride not to see the groom. We are four men; we don’t have any brides.”

“I know,” Steve checked the time, “only an hour before the ceremony, the guests have started to arrive, your dad is talking with them.”

“I know,” Shepard leaned against the counter, watching Steve pace, “why are you so nervous?”

“I’ve been planning this for _months_; I want it to go over perfectly.”

“Steve, what do you remember about your first wedding?”

Steve stopped short, looking at Shepard in confusion.

“I’m honestly asking.”

“Uh,” Steve thought about it, “Robert’s tie matched his eyes _perfectly_, the way that he smiled at me as I walked down the aisle, we had _so_ much cake leftover that we made ourselves sick the next day eating it all.”

“Did anything go wrong?”

“It rained, the caterer was late.”

“But it’s not the first thing you think of when you remember that day. The first thing you think of is Robert’s eyes.”

“Yeah,” Steve smiled at the memory, much less painful now than it had been, “I do.”

“So don’t worry,” Shepard hugged Steve, “because, at the end of today, all you’ll be thinking about is how Kaidan looked under the fairy lights you had me string up _everywhere_ while you guys dance together.”

“You’re right.”

“That’s why I’m the Admiral,” Shepard gave Steve a reassuring smile, “come on, let’s get the flowers organized, our men will be here soon.”

“Lead the way.”

***

“Ready, son?” Anderson tried to straighten his tie, smiling at Shepard’s hands replaced his own to even it out.

“Very ready,” Shepard nodded, “I’m also already married.”

“To one of them,” Anderson agreed, “now you’re making the big family.”

“You’re okay with it?”

“Ever since I’ve met you, I’ve wanted you to grow up and find your own place in the world to be happy. I don’t care what that looks like.”

“Thank you,” Shepard dropped his hands, “for that, and everything else you’ve done for me.”

“You’re very welcome,” Anderson cleared his throat against the onset of emotions, “I’m proud of you.”

There was a swell of music outside, and the chatter of the crowd died down.

“That’s our cue,” Anderson offered an arm to Shepard, “let’s not keep them waiting.”

Shepard laughed, taking Anderson’s arm and following him into the garden, walking slowly down the aisle between two rows of chairs, smiling warmly to his friends as Anderson led him to the altar where Joker was already waiting for him.

They had decided on one _best man_ each, Joker with Shepard, Grunt with James, Garrus with Steve, and Liara with Kaidan.

As Shepard came to a stop next to Joker, the music changed, and Shepard looked up to find his husband walking toward him, Emilio beside him.

James' suit was also black, gold details over the pockets and buttons. He was beautiful, he always was, but it was the smile across his face that made Shepard’s heart swell.

“Hey, Loco,” James whispered as he stood beside Grunt, “fancy seeing you here.”

“Hey, baby,” Shepard whispered back, “I love you.”

The music changed again, Dr. Chakwas appearing next to Steve, their relationship blooming into an unusual, but perfect, friendship during Shepard’s recovery.

Steve had been dressed in a blue that almost perfectly matched his eyes, and when he stood next to Garrus, reaching for James’ hand, Shepard knew that the way he looked in that moment would not be something he ever forgot.

“Two down,” James winked at Shepard, “just our Major now.”

Another shift in music and Kaidan appeared escorted down the aisle by Tali, her normal purple visor changed for a clear one, Shepard heard James gasp.

“I always knew she would be beautiful,” Shepard admired the deep blue suit Kaidan was wearing, almost dark enough to be black with cobalt details, “K is looking pretty sexy too.”

“We’re the luckiest men alive.”

“No doubt about that, Commander,” Admiral Hackett spoke from the podium, “I want to thank you all for joining us today in this…rather unconventional marriage.”

***

“I told you it would go perfectly,” Shepard leaned to the side to speak with Steve.

“You were right,” Steve was flushed and _delighted_, “I can’t wait for the dancing to start.”

“Speeches first, right?”

“Yes, any time now.”

Shepard looked down at his hands, admiring the new ring which sat next to the bright platinum of his wedding ring.

They had chosen a slim yellow gold band, in which they had set four sapphires, two for the biotics in the relationship, and two for the men who loved them.

There was a chime as Anderson tapped his fork against his glass, “if I may?”

“Oh shit,” Shepard laughed, “I’m in for it.”

“For those who don’t know me, I’m David Anderson, and I’m John’s adop-“

“Dad,” Shepard called out, interrupting him, “he’s my dad, you can see the family resemblance.”

The crowd laughed and Anderson flushed, smiling broadly at Shepard, “I’m John’s dad. I wish I could say that I was lucky enough to have been his father since he was a young child, as it was, he was almost an adult by the time he found his way into my life. I have never been sure if there was a higher power, but if there is, they were surely smiling on me the day that Shepard and I found each other.”

“John,” Anderson paused to compose himself, “you have grown into exactly the kind of person I hoped you would be. You’re kind, compassionate, _brave_.” Anderson looked up at the fairy lights around the tent, “and to think I said I wouldn’t get emotional.”

There was another low chuckle, and Anderson accepted a kleenex from Kaleigh gratefully.

“Son,” Anderson addressed him directly, “you are _so brave_. You have given so much. I can honestly say there is no one in the galaxy who deserves this more than you.”

The round of applause was deafening, and Shepard almost jumped at the sudden noise, smiling sheepishly as it seemed to last _forever_.

“I am so grateful that you’ve found partners who share your best qualities. Steve, in the time that I’ve known you, you’ve proven to be kind beyond measure. I’ve seen you volunteer down at the docks when you think no one is watching, donate huge amounts of your time at the local medical centre. Your kindness knows no bounds, and I couldn’t be happier to have you as one of my _many_ sons-in-law.”

“James, you’ve shown a tremendous amount of compassion. Truly, I think you were likely the only person in the galaxy who could have convinced John to open his heart again, and you love him with everything that you are. You have been a blessing to our family.”

James flushed under the attention and Shepard couldn’t help but kiss his cheek.

“Kaidan, well, you’ve been there since the beginning, even when you say you weren’t. I watched you redirect Alliance troupes, which were meant to capture Shepard during his work on the SR2. I saw you move other troupes into the areas he was working to keep him safe. You have been by his side since the first day, and if you aren’t brave to keep up with John Shepard, I don’t know what you are.”

“Crazy?” Shepard supplied, pulling another round of laughter from the guests.

“Well, that certainly helps,” Anderson agreed, “you four… you four _remarkable _men, looked the impossible in the eye and accomplished it. I am so immensely proud of all of you and wish you all a long, happy, and well-deserved life together. Cheers.”


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is unedited - so please forgive any errors. My beta reader, Alilypea, works in an industry heavily effected by the Coronavirus situation. I'll post the edited chapter once she has a moment to review them and her life is a little less hectic. 
> 
> I have finished writing this story, as I mentioned previously. Chapter 77 is the final chapter. 
> 
> That being said, I miss writing the boys, so there may be some oneshots added. If you have any suggestions for a series name, please let me know.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Can I cut in?”

“Of course,” Steve smiled at Shepard, “which one of us were you going to dance with?”

“Kaidan, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Steve let Shepard pull Kaidan away, “I’m going to find where our other husband went.”

“In the garage with Kaidan’s dad showing off my bike.”

“I’ll go save Mark,” Steve reassured Kaidan, “have fun.”

Shepard and Kaidan settled into a comfortable waltz, Shepard leading Kaidan easily around the dance floor.

“Having a good day?” Kaidan asked quietly.

“The best day,” Shepard reassured, “you?”

“I’m more excited about tomorrow.”

Shepard gave Kaidan a knowing smile. _Tomorrow._

It had been almost three weeks of Shepard being back in the house when he had commented to James that Kaidan was rejecting any of his advances.

It took another week for James to convince Shepard to talk to Kaidan about it.

Shepard could still remember the nerves he had approaching Kaidan that morning in the kitchen, walking over to him while they were still alone as Steve and James showered for the day.

“Got a minute?” Shepard had pulled Kaidan into the office, sitting on his desk and watching Kaidan’s body language as he looked more nervous by the second.

“What’s up?”

“Don’t play coy, Kaidan. It doesn’t suit you,” Shepard sighed, “what’s going on?”

“I-,” Kaidan stalled, “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“I’ll speak plainly then. You and I haven’t done _anything_ sexual since I came back to the house. Why?”

Kaidan blushed a brilliant red.

“Let me be clear, you have no obligation to do anything with me if you don’t want too.”

“I do,” Kaidan interjected, “I always do.”

“Except you don’t,” Shepard kept his voice light, despite the nagging insecurity in his mind, “so what have I done to change that?”

“It’s not you,” Kaidan sighed before sitting on the small couch, “it’s me.”

“That’s the oldest line in the book.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“I don’t, actually,” Shepard sat next to Kaidan, “which is why I’m asking you about it.”

“At first it was nerves; I didn’t want to risk hurting you.”

“Okay, and now?”

“Oh god this is so stupid,” Kaidan buried his face in his hands, “you’re going to think I’m being ridiculous.”

“Try me.”

“I kind of…wanted to wait?” Kaidan glanced at Shepard with a small shrug, “you felt neglected, I understand that, but I wanted to win you back, woo you.”

“And then sex after?” Shepard asked, making sure he was following along Kaidan’s line of thinking.

“Yeah, like a new relationship. Doing things over but doing them right. It’s why I’ve been making you breakfast in bed, taking you to your appointments…it’s dumb.”

“It’s not dumb,” Shepard reassured, “I just wish you had _told_ me before. I’ve been wondering what the hell was going on. You used to ask me for a blow job at least twice a week. Suddenly you aren’t touching me, and I’m assuming you’re having issues with the way I look or the fact I left.”

“Sorry,” Kaidan blushed, “I should have told you.”

“Not to mention that if we’re doing this dating thing you’ve given me an unfair disadvantage if I _don’t know about it_.”

Kaidan smiled, “I guess so.”

“Do the other boys know?”

“Yeah, I told them.”

“Always the last to know,” Shepard rolled his eyes, “okay, so when is your ideal night then?”

“The wedding?”

“Really?” Shepard considered, “that’s a way off.”

“We don’t have to wait that long…”

“I can wait if that’s what you want, but won’t Steve want to sleep with his new husband on their wedding night?”

“The day after?”

“Alright, it’s a date.”

“You’re okay with it?”

“Of course,” Shepard nodded, “I just wish you had told me what was going on.”

The look at the Kaidan’s face under the soft light of the dance floor told Shepard that he was remembering that same conversation.

“It’s a shame we couldn’t get away for a honeymoon.”

“Soon,” Shepard promised, “I hate to stop our dance, but my leg is killing me.”

“Come on, let’s sit.”

Shepard followed Kaidan back to the table, sitting down heavily, “it’s so much better, but I’ve been on my feet for over 12 hours.”

“Use your cane,” Kaidan suggested, “like Dr. Chakwas said.”

“No,” Shepard shook his head, “not today.”

“Use your cane, Loco,” James walked toward them, Shepard’s cane in one hand, Steve and Mark, Kaidan’s father, following behind them.

“You’re already nagging me?” Shepard took the cane, standing to speak to greet Mark, “are you enjoying yourself?”

“It’s been a…very unusual day,” Mark smiled at Kaidan, “but a good one.”

“Mom seems to be having fun with Dr. Chakwas,” Kaidan looked where the two women appeared to be engaged in a lively conversation.

“Your mom makes friends wherever she goes,” Mark looked back at Shepard, seeming to consider his next statement, “are you all husbands now, or…”

“Legally, I’m married to James and Steve and Kaidan are married,” Shepard answered, “but yes, we’re all married.”

“And you bought Kaidan this mansion,” Mark looked up at the house which had been lit by fairy lights in the large windows.

“Dad,” Kaidan interrupted, “stop.”

“I’m just asking.”

“I bought _us_ this house, yes. We’re equal shareowners,” Shepard smiled reassuringly at Kaidan.

“Why didn’t you keep it in your name?”

“Not John’s style,” Emilio joined the conversation, “he makes sure that the boys are taken care of.”

“Well that’s good to hear,” Mark watched the crowd, “don’t get me wrong, Admiral, I think you’re a remarkable person. I just don’t want to see Kaidan getting hurt.”

“Neither do I,” Shepard promised.

“Poor John,” Emilio pat Shepard’s chest, “three times the shovel talk.”

“Tell me about it,” Shepard laughed, wrapping his arm over Emilio’s shoulders, “worth it though.”

“I guess saving the galaxy doesn’t safe you from protective dads,” Emilio wrapped his arm around James, the three of them standing together.

“No, no it doesn’t.”

***

“I’m exhausted,” James groaned as he took off his suit, carefully putting it away in the suit bag.

“Me too,” Shepard agreed, sitting on the bed to undress, too sore to stand.

“Hang tight, Loco, and I’ll help you.”

“I hope the boys are having fun,” Shepard watched James undress, “I’m surprised that the guests stayed so long.”

“I’m not,” James walked over to Shepard, dropping to his knees to help James, “I’m surprised that Steve and Kaidan wanted some time alone though. Not like them.”

“That’s more for Steve than Kaidan,” Shepard stood with a hiss to help James pull his pants down, “he needs time with his new husband. They’ll be back in here to sleep unless they crash in the guest room.”

“I miss them.”

“Me too,” Shepard, with some difficulty, got into the bed, laying back against the pillows with a sigh.

“Sore?”

“Extremely sore,” Shepard agreed, “_extremely_.”

“You overdid it today,” James got into bed next to Shepard, laying against his sore side. They had found after surgery keeping Shepard’s leg warm stopped some of the aches.

“I sure did,” Shepard turned to look at James, “I was hoping to consummate the marriage.”

“We’ve been married for months, Loco. We’ve consummated it many times.”

“Still…”

“We have time. Your leg might calm down later.”

“Guys?” Steve spoke from the door, “we can’t relax in there, can we come in?”

Shepard could feel James smiling against his shoulder, “yeah, Esteban.”

“I thought that after Robert I would want to keep Kaidan to myself for a bit,” Steve opened the door and walked in with Kaidan, “but I guess in my head we’re _all_ married, and neither of us could get into it without you.”

“Well, I’m afraid there’s nothing sexy coming from me tonight. My leg is on fire.”

“We’re exhausted anyway,” Kaidan got into the bed, taking Shepard’s other side.

“Well done, Lieutenant, you planned the wedding of the century.”

***

“Wake up, boys,” Shepard’s voice was loud, and James covered his head with the nearest pillow.

“No.”

“I have a surprise for you, but it’s time-sensitive, wake up.”

James was intrigued, Shepard’s surprises were legendary. James was also tired, the need for sleep overriding the curiosity.

“You have one hour, come on,” Shepard clapped his hands, “up.”

“We’re up,” Kaidan mumbled.

Suddenly James was freezing, Shepard pulling the blanket from the sleeping men, “wake up.”

“Damnit, John,” Steve sat up, “what?”

“Don’t sass me, Lieutenant, I’m still strong enough to take you over my knee. Get up and meet me downstairs. Joker is here.”

With that Shepard walked from the room, cane in hand.

“Let’s go,” Steve smacked Kaidan on the bum, “our husband is waiting.”

“Three of us are right here,” James protested.

“Do you want to miss one of Shepard’s surprises?”

“Fine.”

***

By the time the three men had brushed their teeth, gotten dressed, and made their way to the stairs, Shepard was calling up for them.

“15 minutes, get your asses down here.”

“Coming, shit. What’s got you in such a rush?”

“You’ll see, grab some coffee then we have to go.”

“Are we okay dressed like this,” Kaidan waved between them, all the men dressed casually.

“Yep,” Shepard agreed, “just fine.”

Joker was in the kitchen, a smile on his face as the confused men walked in, “wakey wakey.”

“What the hell is going on?” James pouted.

“You’ll see,” Joker winked at Shepard and walked from the kitchen.

“John…”

“Major,” Shepard tried to conceal his grin.

“What’s going on?”

“Stop asking,” Shepard laughed, “I’m not telling you. Put your coffee in travel mugs and pee if you need too, then follow me.”

The men looked at each other in confusion but followed Shepard’s instructions.

Shepard led them outside to where Joker was waiting with a large shuttle, “get in.”

“Where are we going?”

“Out,” Shepard sat in the front of the shuttle, waiting for the men to get in.

“Cryptic bullshit,” James muttered, sitting in the back.

“Shut up, James. Shepard’s awesome,” Joker shut the doors of the shuttle and turned the engine on, pulling away from the house, “spoils you little shits rotten.”

The rest of the shuttle ride was mostly silent until Kaidan started to recognize the area, “are we going to the airport?”

“Maybe.”

“John…” Steve started slowly, “did you plan a surprise honeymoon?”

“Maybe.”

“Seriously?” James looked out the window as the various ships came into view, “I thought you couldn’t get the time off?”

“Do you really think that I would let the council tell me if I could have a honeymoon?” Shepard laughed, “James, please.”

“Where are we going?”

“A surprise.”

“Can you tell me how long we’re gone for?”

“Two weeks.”

“I thought you never wanted to plan anything again?” Steve asked, clearly excited, “ever.”

Shepard just smiled, rolling down his window they approached a security gate, pulling out his security badge, “good morning.”

“Good morning, Admiral, your ship is waiting for you.”

“Thank you.”

“Your ship?” James asked, “did you buy a ship?”

“No,” Shepard rolled his eyes, “rented one.”

“So why is Joker here?”

“To fly it, jarhead, why do you think?”

***

“I have no idea where we are…” James looked out of the window of the small ship they were in, “but it looks warm.”

“It can’t be far; we've only been on the ship for two hours.”

“Still on earth then,” Steve looked over Kaidan’s shoulder, “it almost looks like…no…”

“Yes,” Shepard confirmed from the co-pilot seat.

“You didn’t…”

“I did,” Shepard confirmed.

“Esteban?”

“Remember when Shepard came back, he and I had a few heart to hearts at that little coffee shop?”

“Yeah, and?”

“I told him that I’ve always wanted to go to Bora Bora and rent one of those villas that are out in the water.”

“Oh wow,” James watched as Joker flew over the airport, slowly bringing the ship in for a soft landing.

“Safe and sound,” Joker turned off the engine, “you have a car waiting for you?”

“That’s right,” Shepard stood, “you’re okay to take it back solo?”

“No problem.”

“Thanks for the help in planning this.”

“Happy to do it,” Joker pressed a button to open the hatch holding their luggage, “I’ll see you in two weeks.”

“Come a few days early, bring EDI.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.”

***

“Admiral Shepard,” a Turian greeted him as they arrived at what looked like a beautiful resort after a long car ride, “or is it Councillor Shepard?”

“It’s John,” Shepard shook the Turian’s hand, “your name was?”

“Nyx,” he greeted with a small bow, “I wanted to say how much we appreciated your business. You’re some of our first guests since the Reapers.”

“Thank you for helping me plan this, I appreciate how accommodating you’ve been,” Shepard waited for the others to join them, “let me introduce you to my husband, James, and Kaidan and Steve.”

“And who are Kaidan and Steve, your friends?”

“My other husbands,” Shepard laughed, “we’re a little unconventional.”

“That explains your need for privacy,” Nyx nodded, “let me go and get the cart, and I’ll give you a tour of the grounds.”

Shepard nodded, shifting his weight and resting heavily on his cane.

“Still sore?” James rubbed gently, trying to ease the knots from Shepard’s lower back.

“I am, but only half as sore as I was yesterday. I didn’t sleep last night, I had to wait for you all to fall asleep so I could pack our stuff.”

“How long have you been planning this?” Steve was in awe of the venue, trying to take in everything around them.

“Since that little chat at the coffee shop, I started booking it that night.”

“You’re amazing,” Steve beamed at him, “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“We’re all lucky to have him,” James kissed Shepard’s cheek,

Nyx pulled up next to the men in a large cart with a small trailer on the back, “alright, gentlemen go take a seat in the cart and I’ll start to load your luggage.”

Shepard took James’ hand and walked over to the small vehicle, sitting down in the backseat.

“You always sit in the front,” James pointed out.

“This is Steve’s dream, let him get the good view,” Shepard relaxed back into the seat, “I got you the garage of your dreams, Steve the vacation of his dreams, now I just need to figure out Kaidan and I’m all set.”

“I don’t really have any dreams,” Kaidan sat next to Shepard, “the last year of my life as pretty much been one long dream.”

“I get that, Major,” James nodded, “if you had told me this time last year that I would be married to three guys, the Commander of the Normandy, twice, and now on a honeymoon in some pretty tropical island I would have called bullshit.”

“If you had told me that even one guy would ever pick me, never mind three, I would have called bullshit,” Shepard smiled as Steve all but clambered into the front seat, “but I’m not complaining.”

“Everyone ready to go?” Nyx asked as he turned the cart on.

“All set,” Shepard confirmed.

“Perfect, well, welcome to _Paradise_ Bora Bora, a luxury resort that I opened in 2166…”

Shepard zoned out as Nyx spoke, instead looking at the trees, flowers, and birds as they drove along a shaded path toward the water.

“Alright, Loco?” James whispered to him.

Shepard nodded, kissing James softly, “just looking at how beautiful it all is.”

“Holy shit,” Steve pointed to where the concrete path changed to a wooden bridge leading fair out into the water. Small bungalows on either side.

“This is what we’re known for, our over the water villas.”

“Amazing that they survived,” Kaidan commented, “it doesn’t look like you were hit heavily by the war.”

“No, we were very fortunate,” Nyx agreed, “it devastated Fiji.”

“Which one are were staying in?”

“The diamond villa, it’s at the end,” Nyx pointed, and a large building could be seen in the distance, “our largest villa.”

“Of course,” Kaidan chuckled, elbowing Shepard, “always the biggest. You should see our house; we could fit 20 people in it.”

“We’ll fill it full of kids, eventually,” Shepard commented absentmindedly, looking up at the impossibly blue sky, “I figured if James and I have two kids, you guys have two kids, eventually they turn into teenagers and adults who move home. It needed to have enough space to make more bedrooms than the two that we have now. There’s a whole section of the upstairs which nothing has been done with.”

“Four kids?”

Shepard looked at James with a smile, “why, do you want more?”

“Loco, I figured we’d have a dog, a cat, and one kid,” James smiled back at Shepard, “but if you want four kids, I still want the dog.”

“We can look at puppies when we get back.”

“Yeah?”

“Whatever you want baby, I just want all of you happy.”

“Can it be a big dog?” Kaidan asked, “I don’t like little dogs.”

“Sure,” James considered, “pitbull? They adorable.”

“I don’t know anything about dogs, get whatever you want as long as they’re good with kids.”

“Here we are, gentlemen, the diamond villa.”

There were lots of words that could be used to describe the diamond villa, but Steve put it best.

“Whoa.”


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also unedited - to be replaced with the fixed version soon.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Lastly, we have the master bedroom, which I’ll let you explore yourselves. John, I just have a few things I need you to sign if you don’t mind.”

“Of course, in the kitchen? I need to sit.”

“After you,” Nyx followed Shepard from the room, leaving James, Kaidan and Steve to explore the last room together.

“Oh. My. God.” Steve slid back the rolling door and gasped.

The bedroom, aside from being large and beautifully decorated, had one long wall of folding glass doors which had been opened showing a remarkable view of the blue water and a small mountain in the distance.

“Wow,” Kaidan turned slowly in place, “John really outdid himself.”

James laughed, “look.”

On the table were three large vases of flowers, a card in each. James walked over and found the one with his name on it.

_James – I told you I would buy you flowers – You are, and always have been, the love of my life. _

Kaidan looked at his next.

_Kaidan – I know you don’t like surprises, but I hope this made you smile._

Steve picked up his flowers, reading the note out loud, “Steve – I promise to keep making your dreams come true. Okay, where the hell is John, I need to kiss his brains out.”

“Ready and willing,” Shepard spoke from where he leaned against the door, “so, good surprise?”

“Amazing,” Kaidan assured him, “absolutely amazing.”

“We have two weeks?”

“Two weeks here, a week and a half alone,” Shepard walked out the glass doors, standing on the balcony and pointing toward the other villas, “I rented all of them. The Normandy crew are joining us next Wednesday for the last few days. I managed to organize their schedules so we could meet up again.”

“Could this get any better?” Steve shook his head in disbelief.

“Yes, actually,” Shepard waved at their omni-tools, “these wont work here, the signal hasn’t been reconnected. I gave our dad’s the contact information for the head office, but other than that it’s just the four of us, unplugged and alone. The council can’t call, the Alliance can’t call.”

“You mean no one can steal your attention away?”

“That’s right.”

“Best honeymoon ever.”

***

“Where’s John?” Kaidan asked as he put the finishing touches on dinner, “we’re just about ready for dinner.”

“Last I saw him he was reading in the bedroom, I’ll go find him,” Steve made his way from the kitchen toward the bedroom, finding the door already open and Shepard nowhere to be seen.

Walking through the room toward the balcony, he paused as he caught sight of Shepard asleep in one of the deck chairs, nothing but a small towel covering his most sensitive areas from where he had gone for a soak in the hot tub earlier.

Steve crept from the room, waving for Kaidan and James to follow him. Once they were back in the bedroom, Steve pointed out the sleeping Shepard to the other men.

“Aw,” Kaidan smiled, “he’s tired.”

“He looks amazing,” James commented, “you would never know he was almost dead six months ago.”

“No,” Steve agreed, “he looks healthy.”

“Who’s going to wake him up?”

“I will,” James stepped onto the balcony, Shepard starting to stir as soon as he heard the footsteps.

“What’s up, baby?” Shepard didn’t open his eyes but turned his face in the direction of James’ footsteps.

“Dinner time, Loco,” James kept his voice low as he sat on the edge of the chair, “how’s your leg?”

“This warm? It feels fine. I think it probably helps that I’ve been asleep for…” Shepard checked the time, “shit, four hours.”

“You deserve the rest,” James kissed Shepard’s forehead, “come on, lets get you fed. Kaidan made steak.”

“Of course Kaidan made steak,” Shepard stood, leaving the towel on the chair and walking nude into the bedroom where Kaidan and Steve stood waiting for them, “hi boys.”

“Damn, John, your skin loves the sun,” Steve looked at the tan already starting to settle into Shepard’s skin.

“I know,” Shepard pulled a pair of boxers from his suitcase, “I can get really dark.”

“What did your mom look like?” Steve asked as they walked toward the kitchen.

“Hair the same color as Kaidan, green eyes, pale.”

“I wonder what your dad looked like.”

“No idea, but clearly he came from somewhere that handled sun well. My mom used to burn.”

“God, you’re going to be all beautiful and sun kissed by the end of the week,” Steve pretended to swoon.

“Kaidan’s going to look like a tomato,” Shepard joked, “I brought you like four bottles of sunscreen.”

“Thank god for that,” Kaidan pointed to the table, “go sit, I’ll bring everything over.”

***

“Do you guys mind if I steal John for awhile?” Kaidan asked almost bashfully.

“Nope, go ahead,” James pat his too-full stomach, “I need to chill for a bit.”

“Have fun,” Steve agreed, “we’ll watch a movie.”

Kaidan stood, holding his hand out for Shepard, “come with me?”

“Always.”

Shepard let Kaidan lead him from the kitchen into the bedroom, the sun setting across the water lighting the room in a warm glow, “you outdid yourself, this place is beautiful.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Shepard followed Kaidan onto the balcony, standing behind him and wrapping his arms around Kaidan’s waist.

“When you see this place, so untouched,” Kaidan relaxed into Shepard’s embrace, leaning back against him, “it’s unbelievable.”

“When I wake up in the morning and see you three, I think my entire life is unbelievable.”

“That was cheesy,” Kaidan smiled anyway.

“No, that was true.”

Kaidan turned in Shepard’s arms, looking up at him, “you’re amazing.”

“I think you’re pretty amazing too,” Shepard leaned down as Kaidan rocked up, meeting each other in the middle for a slow kiss.

“I know you were sore…”

“I’m fine for this,” Shepard promised, “whatever you want.”

“Come on,” Kaidan led Shepard back to the bed, pushing him to lay back on against the sheets, “let’s get you naked.”

Shepard chuckled, pulling off his boxers and sling-shotting them to Kaidan.

“Funny man,” Kaidan rolled his eyes, pulling off the linen shorts he had been wearing.

“Gotta keep my aim dialed in,” Shepard reached for Kaidan, “come here.”

Kaidan crawled over Shepard, straddling him carefully, “okay?”

“Yep,” Shepard ran his hands over Kaidan’s thighs, “everything is pretty great from here.”

Kaidan smiled, leaning forward to kiss Shepard gently, his skin coming up in goosebumps as Shepard trailed his fingers down Kaidan’s spine.

As Kaidan moved to kiss Shepard’s neck he felt Kaidan pause, just for a second. Likely only his N7 training allowing him to notice.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re hesitating.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had you inside me,” Kaidan continued kissing down Shepard’s body, “I forgot how big you are.”

“I’m a gentle giant, K. I’ll take things slow.”

“Would you ever... switch?”

“What, you want to top? Sure. So long as our boys don’t mind us switching things up while they’re not around.”

“Mind if I go ask?”

“No, go for it, I’ll find the lube.”

Kaidan got up from the bed, looking down a minute and considering his state of undress.

“Robes in the bathroom,” Shepard commented, opening his suitcase.

“Thanks,” Kaidan grabbed one, and walked back into the living room, returning a few minutes later with a grin across his face, “they’re good.”

“Figured they would be, we’ve mostly stopped checking in on these things now.”

“You might need to help me with this, I haven’t topped much.”

“No problem,” Shepard rolled onto his stomach, watching Kaidan from the corner of his eye as he dropped the robe and walked over toward the bed.

Kaidan took a minute to appreciate the miles of muscle and tanned skin laid out for him, “you’re so beautiful, you’ve healed so well.”

“Hmm,” Shepard closed his eyes and relaxed as Kaidan kissed across his shoulders, “I’m much better, considering how bad I was.”

Kaidan nudged Shepard’s legs apart, kneeling between them as he continued his worship across every inch of Shepard’s back.

“This is nice,” Shepard laughed as Kaidan gently bit on the curve of his ass, “do I taste good or something?”

“You do,” Kaidan confirmed, kneading the muscle.

Kaidan felt Shepard tense as he opened the lube bottle, coating his fingers, “just remember to go slow, K.”

“I will,” Kaidan promised, bringing his hand to tease the tight ring of muscle, “they’re watching some documentary about the history of the Widow, it’s like three hours long. We have time.”

“Maybe not that slow.”

***

“K, come on,” Shepard reached back, tugging at Kaidan’s arm, “I’m good.”

Kaidan had been fingering him for what felt like hours, Shepard half expecting James and Steve to walk in any minute ready for bed. As soon as Kaidan had found what spots made Shepard sigh and moan, he had spent his time trying to pull as many reactions from Shepard as possible.

“Yeah?”

“Come _on_.”

“Okay,” Kaidan pat Shepard on his side, “on your back for me?”

Shepard rolled over, sighing in relief as the pressure was relieved from his cock which had been _aching_ under Kaidan’s attentions.

“You’re hard as a rock,” Kaidan commented as he poured more lube into his hand, “looks uncomfortable.”

“I was ready to cum like an hour ago, Kaidan. Let’s go.”

Kaidan settled between Shepard’s legs, reaching past Shepard’s head and grabbing a pillow, “lift your hips up.”

Shepard did, letting Kaidan push the pillow under his lower back.

“Let me know if I hurt you.”

“I will,” Shepard forced his body to relax as Kaidan positioned himself and started to push himself forward.

“Damn,” Kaidan’s biotics flickered to life as he rocked slowly into Shepard.

“Okay?”

“You feel amazing,” Kaidan stopped for a minute, bringing his hands to hold Shepard’s hips, keeping them tight together.

“Mm hmm,” Shepard agreed, “I need you to move though.”

Kaidan took a deep breath, settling his biotics before starting to rock with Shepard slowly.

“Come on, K,” Shepard took his cock n his hand stroking himself in time with Kaidan’s thrusts, “you know I like it rough.”

“We’ll get there,” Kaidan leaned forward to kiss Shepard, keeping his movements slow.

“Are you trying to drive me crazy?”

“Stop complaining,” Kaidan laughed, “I’m enjoying this.”

Shepard rolled his eyes, but stopped protesting, letting Kaidan set a gentle rhythm.

“You’re so beautiful,” Kaidan said after some time had passed, a fine sheen of sweat across Shepard’s forehead, “you’re so incredible under me.”

“K,” Shepard whined, “please.”

“You want it harder?”

“_Yes,_” Shepard brought his hand up to squeeze Kaidan’s shoulder, “come on.”

Kaidan surprised Shepard with a hard thrust, the sudden sound of skin against skin filling the room as Shepard groaned loudly, “like that?”

Shepard nodded, “like that but faster.”

“Okay.”

All of a sudden Kaidan’s thrusts were almost punishing, each one harder than the last until Shepard was nothing but a serious of incoherent moans and biotic flashes.

Shepard reveled in it, the feeling of Kaidan over him, each thrust brushing his prostate _just so_, his biotics mingling with Kaidan’s as the room started to glow blue with them.

Kaidan’s hand pushed Shepard’s away, taking his cock in his fist and pumping in time with his trusts.

“Kaidan,” Shepard held on to Kaidan’s shoulders, curling around himself, “come on, just a bit harder.”

Kaidan didn’t hesitate, thrusting hard enough that he could feel Shepard start to push up the bed.

“_Fuck_,” Shepard’s orgasm ripped through him, his back arching as he covered Kaidan’s hand and his stomach.

Kaidan came right after, dropping his head to Shepard’s chest as he gasped Shepard’s name against his skin.

“God damn,” Kaidan panted, “that was amazing.”

“It was, but you’re going to have to let me stretch my leg out.”

“Sorry, did I hurt you?”

“No, I’m just stiff.”

Kaidan carefully pulled out of Shepard, walking to the bathroom for a towel. The bedroom door opened and Kaidan heard Steve and James walk into the bedroom.

“Looked like you two had fun,” James laughed at Shepard’s flushed face and cum-covered stomach.

“You should let him top you, baby, he’s very thorough.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“Yep,” Shepard pulled the pillow from behind his back and stretched his leg.

“I’m glad I get a good review,” Kaidan paused to kiss James’ on his way back to the bed, gently wiping Shepard’s stomach clean.

“What service,” Shepard joked as he pulled his leg to his chest, trying to work the sore muscles loose.

“Loco, if you’re going to lay in bed naked looking like that I’m going to struggle to not want a turn. Where are your boxers?”

Shepard smiled at James, rolling onto this stomach, “all yours.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep.”

“Man this is best fucking honeymoon.”

***

Shepard woke up sweating, the heat of the men sharing a smaller than usual bed and two biotics running hot making his skin itch. He carefully extracted himself from the sleeping group, finding his boxers from the night before, quietly walking to the glass doors and opening them, slipping outside.

The sun had just started to rise at the front of the bungalow, the clouds over the mountain in front of him a beautiful shade of blue as the sun started to warm the sky. After a few minutes of silent reflection Shepard heard someone walk onto the porch behind him, soon, a solid warm figure wrapped around him.

“Good morning, baby.”

“How did you know it was me?”

Shepard smiled, “I’ll give you one guess.

“Yeah, I know,” James kissed Shepard’s shoulder, “how are you feeling today?”

“Good,” Shepard nodded, “like I had three guys fuck my brains out.”

“I can’t believe you managed that,” James smiled against Shepard’s back.

“Neither can I,” Shepard pointed out to the sky, “watch.”

Suddenly a streak of pink appeared across the horizon, slowly growing as the minutes passed and the sun rose to reveal a beautiful blue sky.

“I’m never going to want to go home,” James moved to stand next to Shepard, “my three men here, this beautiful water and that sunrise, how does it get better?”

“We get to go puppy hunting when we get home.”

“That’s true.”

“It was worth it,” Shepard breathed out, almost a confession, “I always thought that at the end of the war I’d be so hurt, so damaged, that I resented the whole thing. Right now, with you next to me, I can say with total confidence that everything I had to do was worth it. How can I regret any of the gun shot wounds, time in the hospital, any of it, if I was able to save a place like this?”

“You can’t,” James agreed, pointing on the horizon, “I would prefer if that wasn’t there though.”

Shepard followed James’ finger noticing for the first time the Reaper far in the distance.

“Hang on,” Shepard closed his eyes for a minute, and James watched as the Reaper took off, flying overhead before leaving their view.

“You can control them?”

“Sort of, it’s kind of like the Geth, a collective consciousness.”

“So you told it to move?”

“I told it to go and help repair Fiji, like Nyx mentioned. It was working on removing a ship from the water over there.”

“How do you know?”

Shepard tapped the side of his head, “it’s hard to explain, but I can hear all of them if I try. It was louder to begin with, but now it’s just background noise unless I need to speak with one of them specifically.”

“Shit, does anyone know?”

“The council, the Alliance, that’s most of my work right now, co-coordinating their movements to repair all the damage they caused.”

“Holy _shit_, Loco, why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s uncomfortable for me, I didn’t really want to mention it. It doesn’t affect anything, unless one is nearby. I figured you would know, anyway. The Reaper told you that I sent it to fix the Normandy.”

“True.”

“There you two are,” Kaidan spoke from the door, “what are you guys talking about, you’re looking awfully serious.”

“I was just telling John the filthy things I’m going to do to him later.”

“You did some filthy things to him last night,” Kaidan winked at Shepard, “you guys hungry?”

“I’m always hungry.”

“Nyx mentioned a farmers market in town, want to see if we can get a shuttle?”

“Sounds amazing.”


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a cute unbeta'd chapter to get you through the coronavirus.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“Come here,” Shepard called to Kaidan where he was collecting shells along the beach, now a week into their trip.

“What’s up?” Kaidan called as he walked over to where Shepard had sat on a beach chair while Steve and James tried waterskiing with Nyx.

“Sunscreen,” Shepard pointed at the foot of the chair, “sit. You’re starting to go pink.”

“Okay,” Kaidan did as instructed, watching Steve fall off of the skis with a splash, “god, I hate watching them.”

“They’re both good swimmers,” Shepard rubbed the lotion across Kaidan’s back, “they’re okay.”

“This week as been so amazing,” Kaidan looked over his shoulder at Shepard, “we owe you big time for planning this.”

“It was my pleasure,” Shepard assured, carefully bringing the sunscreen around Kaidan’s amp, “I’ve had the three of you naked more in the past week then I could have hoped for.”

“You’re telling me,” Kaidan laughed, “I need a night off.”

“Me too,” Shepard tapped Kaidan, “turn, so I can do your face.”

“Isn’t it usually me doing _your_ face?”

“That’s true,” Shepard rubbed the screen across Kaidan’s face, “so, you don’t have a dream, eh?”

“Kids,” Kaidan answered, “my dream is to have kids. You can’t buy that.”

“No,” Shepard agreed, “no I can’t, but we’ll have kids soon. If you want to do something in the meantime, we could design and start a nursery or two for when we have some?”

“I don’t want Steve to feel like I’m pressuring him.”

“He wants kids too.”

“Yeah, next year.”

“Well, construction could take six months. It doesn’t hurt to start designing now.”

“True, and you’re getting James a puppy.”

“I’ll get James whatever he wants, as long as he stays. I have more time to work with Liara now, and money is starting to flow again.”

“So you’re really rich now?”

“I’m really rich now,” Shepard confirmed, “so are you. You can’t see it with the lack of connection to the extranet, but I set you and Steve up with a nest egg to invest. Liara is going to speak with you when we’re back.”

“You didn’t have too-“

“I know,” Shepard cut him off, “but you two are my husbands too, and I want you taken care of.”

“You _already_ take care of us.”

“And I’ll continue to do so. Use it for kids schooling, or whatever you want.”

“John,” Kaidan cupped Shepard’s cheek, “you don’t need to spend money to keep us.”

“I know,” Shepard spoke softly, “but it helps.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Kaidan kissed Shepard gently, moving to straddle him, “you being you keeps us around. You should have more self confidence.”

“I’m working on it,” Shepard looked over Kaidan’s shoulder as James and Steve made their way back to shore, “our men are done.”

“They’re probably exhausted, they’ve been going for hours.”

“Maybe we have a quiet night tonight, hot tub, wine, light dinner.”

“Sounds amazing,” Shepard smiled at James as he walked over, “hey baby, all done?”

“My legs are like jello, I couldn’t stand on those skis anymore if I wanted too.”

“Poor baby, I’ll give you a massage later. It’s almost 1600, did you guys want to call it a day?”

“Yes please,” Steve sat in the sand, “I’m exhausted.”

“Okay, let’s get our stuff and head back,” Shepard pointed to the pile of shells Kaidan had collected, “grab those.”

“For what?”

“A tribute to Mordin,” Shepard stood carefully, stretching out his legs, “or we can put them in the nursery.”

“Nursery?” Steve asked, “I know we’ve had a lot of sex this week but which one of you is pregnant and how?”

“Funny guy,” Shepard passed his shirt to Kaidan, “here K, use this.”

“You want to start construction when we get back, Loco?”

“I want to start thinking about it, who knows how long it’ll take to build, it would be nice to be ready for any house inspections or whatever they might need to do.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” James helped Steve stand, “I’m ready for a nap, let’s go.”

“Someone needs to carry me,” Steve protested, leaning heavily against James.

“Up you come,” Shepard carefully picked up Steve bridal style, “let’s go.”

“Aren’t I heavy now they took away your super strength?”

“Steve, I’m still 6’5 and 275 pounds. Even when my strength isn’t enhanced, you’re still little.”

“Our twink that tops,” James called out, loud enough that Nyx turned to look in their direction from where he was mooring the boat.

“Oh my god, shut up.”

***

“Kaidan and I are going to nurse our old bodies in the hot tub, we’ve spent all week bottoming and we’re starting to hurt,” Shepard put Steve down as they walked into the bungalow, “coming with?”

“I’m going to have a nap,” James headed toward the bedroom, “but I can bottom tonight, you should have let me know you were getting sore.”

“And miss the way you looked when I was riding you last night? No way,” Shepard followed James into the bedroom, “and honestly, with my leg, bottoming is still easier.”

“Take it easy this afternoon, we can have some fun later.”

“I can’t keep up with you,” Shepard smiled, kissing James, “go have a nap.”

“Sir yes sir!” James saluted as he dropped back onto the bed.

“Dork,” Shepard stripped, walking toward the hot tub nude, Kaidan and Steve already in the water.

“You’re moving easier in the warmer weather,” Kaidan commented.

“It doesn’t really hurt in the warmer weather, unless I over do it.”

“I guess the cold and wet in Vancouver isn’t great.”

“Nope,” Shepard stepped into the water, finding a seat across from Kaidan and sinking into the water.

“We could move?”

“Nope,” Shepard said again, “you’re the only one of us that has roots somewhere, and that’s Vancouver. My dad is all over, James’ dad is on the Citadel and we go back there often enough. You love your family, we’re going to keep you close.”

“Aw,” Steve gushed, “such a romantic.”

“I try.”

“You succeed,” Kaidan smiled, “I appreciate it.”

***

It was late in the afternoon the following day when there was a knock on the door, briefly disturbing the afterglow of a particularly satisfying afternoon romp.

“Not it,” James called out, hiding his face in Kaidan’s neck.

“I’ll get it,” Shepard stood, pulling on the nearest pair of shorts and walking from the bedroom.

“Who would that be? The crew doesn’t arrive until tomorrow,” Steve curled around James.

“No idea, John’s got it.”

The men laid together for another few minutes before Shepard walked back into the room, four garment bags over his arm.

“What do you have there?” Kaidan asked, watching as Shepard hung the bags up over the bathroom door.

“Outfits for a surprise tonight.”

“Damnit, John, we can’t ever live up to your surprises,” James protested with a smile, “what are you planning?”

“A dinner date,” Shepard turned on the shower, “we need to get showered.”

“Five more minutes?” James pouted, making Shepard roll his eyes.

“Five minutes,” Shepard walked into the bathroom, “but I’ll be naked and soapy in here.”

“I’m coming.”

***

“Where are we going?”

“To dinner,” Shepard answered from where he walked with James hand in hand down the beach.

“We haven’t seen anything in the way of people for ten minutes,” Steve looked around, the beach was deserted, the sun low in the sky.

“That’s the point,” Shepard pointed to a shape in the distance, “that’s where we’re going.”

“What’s the deal with the fancy clothes?” James plucked at the white linen shirt.

“I hired a photographer.”

“Why?”

“Memories,” Shepard squeezed James’ fingers, “they won’t be bothering us, it’s not a stop and pose thing, it’s all candid’s. You wont even know that they’re there. Besides, you look good in white.”

“He looks good in everything,” Steve pointed out, “so do you.”

Shepard didn’t comment, just continued to lead the way toward what they could now see was a large wooden gazebo with fairy lights wrapped around the frame. A soft while fabric had been weaved over the gazebo, both softening the lighting and acting like make-shift privacy walls.

“John, that’s beautiful,” Kaidan gasped, “Nyx must make a fortune hosting weddings here.”

“He will,” Shepard agreed, “I had this made for us, and it’ll stay up for Nyx.”

“You’re like a guy out of one of those horrible romance novels they sell at fuel stations. Do you just stay up at night thinking of ways to surprise us?”

“When you have as many nightmares as I do, you have a lot of time to think.”

As they approached, James could make out the figure of Nyx as well as a few employees they had seen over their time at the resort.

“Admiral,” Nyx greeted, “you’re just in time, there’s about 15 minutes before the sunset.”

“Perfect,” Shepard gestured toward the tables and chairs in the gazebo, “come on boys.”

Nyx followed them, bringing over some local beers and placing them in front of the men, “I’ll bring over your starters.”

“No rush,” Shepard wrapped his arm over the back of James’ chair, “I’m very happy to take our time.”

“Me too,” Kaidan agreed, looking out over the water, “this is amazing.”

***

“Gentlemen, your dessert,” Nyx and his staff placed a soft pink cheesecake in front of them, “strawberry cheesecake with a chocolate sauce.”

“Wow,” Steve looked at the size of the piece in front of him, “man, you guys know I’m not biotic right? You’re going to make me fat with all of these extra calories.

“Shall I bring over the rest?”

“Please,” Shepard answered Nyx.

“I won’t be able to fit anymore food, John.”

“It’s not food, it’s my wedding gift to the four of you.”

“You mean the honeymoon isn’t enough.”

“No,” Shepard smiled, “I’ll never get enough of spoiling you.”

“Any specific person?” Nyx asked as he walked over to the table, four small boxes in his hands.

“They’re all the same.”

Nyx placed a box in front of each of them, giving a small bow as he walked back to the small tent he had been running the food from all night.

“Are you proposing, John? We’re already married,” Kaidan lifted the box cautiously.

“Open it.”

Kaidan did, a gasped “oh wow” falling from his lips.

James opened his with a similar reaction. Inside, a bright gold dog tag with four sapphires imbedded along the bottom, “it matches our wedding rings.”

“It does,” Shepard confirmed, pulling his own from the box and slipping it over his head, “I don’t know about you guys, but I miss wearing my dog tags. I thought this might be a nice alternative. I left space so as we have kids we can add stones for them as well.”

James pulled his on next, closing his eyes at the familiar weight, “thank you, John, it’s great.”

“Yeah? You like it?”

“Love it,” Kaidan undid his rather than pulling it over his head, cautious of his hair.

“Very romantic John,” Steve pulled his on as well, “what’s the deal with the ruby on the back?”

Kaidan and James flipped theirs over, noticing the same red stone.

“For Robert,” Shepard answered him, “you said his favorite color was red. Just because this is your future, doesn’t mean that you need to forget where you came from. I promised you once that I would shoulder the responsibility of his death, and a part of that is keeping his memory alive.”

“Oh shit,” Steve laughed, grabbing his napkin to dab at wet eyes, “you ass, I’m coming to give you a kiss.”

“Always welcome,” Shepard pulled Steve into his lap as he walked around the table, kissing him gently and holding him for a moment.

“I love you,” Steve whispered.

“I love you too,” Shepard smiled at James, “all of you.”

“You know, Loco, we should see if Nyx will let us buy one of the villas. I think after this week we’re never going to leave.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

***

“We have to leave already?” James asked for a third time as he finished packing, “really?”

“Yes baby, I have to go back to work, you have classes starting soon, Kaidan does too.”

“Steve is going to be a happy house husband,” Steve did a little dance, “and look for work.”

“You guys ready?” Joker called from the kitchen, “the party bus is leaving in 20 minutes.”

“Yep, let’s go.”

***

“Home sweet home,” James dropped the bags in the front entrance, “I missed this place.”

“Me too,” Shepard agreed, walking to the kitchen with a limp, cane already in hand, “my leg didn’t miss the cold and the wet though.”

“I bet,” James checked the messages which had come through since they had been away, “I need to call David, I’ll be back in a few.”

“Tell him I say hi.”

“I will,” James headed toward Shepard’s office.

“My kids arrive for training in two days, I should start on my lesson plans,” Kaidan considered, “I don’t know where to start.”

“Temper management,” Shepard suggested, “it was the hardest thing for me. I used to knock things over when I got mad. There’s been a few times where learning to control my temper was the only thing that stopped me from blowing all the windows out of the Normandy.”

“Good idea,” Kaidan made a note, “Steve, what are you going to get up too?”

“I have no idea,” Steve replied, sitting next to Shepard, “my only skills are procurement and fixing jets.”

“You’re good at organization, you could be my aid, most of the councillors have one.”

“Wouldn’t that be a conflict of interest?”

Shepard snorted, “ask me if I give a shit.”

“Fair,” Steve laughed, “let me think about it.”

“Sure.”

“So, bad news guys. I have to go away for a few days,” James walked from the office, “I have to go to the Citadel and meet up with Anderson to discuss the classes and stuff.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“Leaving next week, probably three days?”

“Okay, well, it looks like we’re going to have a family dinner this weekend. Garrus and Tali apparently have a surprise to show us, they’re asking to come over for dinner on Saturday. Hackett is in town too and wants to catch up because he missed the wedding.”

“Sounds nice.”

“You know what’s even nicer,” Shepard looked up with a grin, “he’s asking if he can bring Dr. Chakwas.”

***

“Do you think it looks okay?” Steve looked over the dinner table with a concerned expression, “too much? Should I do more?”

“Steve, it looks perfect,” Kaidan called from the stove where he was cooking with James, “stop worrying. Garrus and Tali have eaten with us in the rubble of fallen over buildings. A table is going to seem like a luxury.”

“I’m not worried about Garrus and Tali, I’m worried about Admiral Hackett.”

“Why?” Shepard asked as he walked into the room, “Steven’s a nice guy. He’s not expecting anything fancy.”

“He’s like your second dad,” Steve chewed on his thumb nail, “I want to make a good impression.”

“He spent plenty of time with you in the hospital, he likes you. Stop fussing.”

“Esteban always worries like this, you should have seen him when I brought Emilio over to his place once. Robert said he had been up all night worried about making homemade bread.”

“Homemade bread? You bake?”

“No,” Steve sighed, “but Robert had made soup and I thought I should try.”

James snorted, “didn’t work. Robert bailed him out and bought buns from the bakery down the street.”

Shepard pulled Steve into a hug, “Steven doesn’t expect anything from you, so don’t worry about it. He just wants to meet you all in a less sterile setting.”

The doorbell rang and Steve stiffened.

“I’ll get it, you pour yourself a glass of wine,” Shepard kissed Steve’s forehead and walked to the door.

“Anxiety, thy name is Steve,” Kaidan smiled reassuringly, “we’ll be fine.”

A few minutes later Shepard walked back into the kitchen with Admiral Hackett and Dr. Chakwas following him, “here’s the kitchen, and my husbands.”

“Very nice, John, it’s a beautiful home,” Hackett nodded to the men in the room, “good to see you again.”

“What’s the protocol for after hour visits, do we salute you?” James asked, walking over to wrap his arm around Shepard.

“Do you salute John every time you see him?”

“Nope.”

“Same rules apply,” Hackett walked over to the large window, looking out over the garden, “I’m sorry I missed the wedding, I heard it was beautiful.”

“It was beautiful,” Dr. Chakwas agreed, “Kaidan, your mother is lovely.”

Kaidan laughed, “she hasn’t stopped talking about you since. I think you have a fan.”

“Always nice to make a new friend,” Dr. Chakwas pointed at Shepard’s cane, “is it still giving you trouble?”

“When I’m cold, or I’ve been on my feet for a long time,” Shepard shrugged, “it’s okay. It’s much better than before.”

“You’re looking a lot better; David was telling me it’s like you almost can’t tell that you were almost crushed to death.”

“Well put, Steven, very tactful,” Shepard rolled his eyes, “not like my husbands who might be a bit sensitive to that topic are in the room.”

“Like a tube of toothpaste,” Hackett grinned, “you made it though.”

“I always do.”

The doorbell rang again, and James pushed Shepard to take a seat, “I got it, Loco, get off your leg for a bit.”

“Okay, baby,” Shepard took a seat at the island, “did you two want some wine?”

“That would be lovely.”

Steve all but jumped to rush to the fridge, almost running into Kaidan in the process.

“Easy, Lieutenant,” Shepard soothed, “they’ll be here all night.”

“Problem?” Dr. Chakwas asked.

“He’s nervous around Steven. Given that he’s like one of my adopted fathers.”

“Ah,” Dr. Chakwas smiled reassuringly to Steve, “he’s a nice man, he wont bite.”

“I don’t need any details on that, Karin,” Shepard glanced up as James walked back into the room, “where’s Garrus and Tali?”

“Bringing supplies.”

“What supplies? We had their meal catered.”

“Well, you know what they say about kids, they need a lot of stuff,” Garrus spoke as he walked into the room, a small bundle in his arms.

“No,” Shepard stood, walking over to Garrus, “when?”

“We picked her up the day after we got back from your wedding, that’s why we couldn’t join you on your honeymoon,” Garrus moved the blankets until the face of a small sleeping Turian could be seen.

“Oh wow,” Shepard breathed, “congratulations. She’s beautiful.”

“Her name is Vina,” Tali walked over to Shepard, pulling him into a hug, “she’s about 10 months old.”

“Still so small, how did you come across her?”

“We applied to adopt as soon as we settled on Palaven. Garrus’ position let us jump the line a bit.”

“She’s beautiful,” Dr. Chakwas cooed over the baby, “how wonderful for you both. How has she been?”

“It’s been hard, she doesn’t sleep much unless she’s in a shuttle, and she’s been slow to trust us.”

“Turians are slow to trust anyway,” Shepard commented, “I wish you had told me, I would have gotten you a gift.”

“You’re on crying baby detail tonight, that can be your gift,” Garrus moved into the room, sitting carefully on a chair as to not wake the baby, “we’re exhausted.”

“I’m sure, no problem. Let’s get you both some wine.”

***

They were just finished dinner then Vina woke up, fussing for a moment before crying loudly.

“We were doing so well,” Garrus sighed, patting Vina on the back, “it’s okay, Tali will go get you something to eat.”

Tali jogged from the room, coming back moments later with a bright purple fruit which Vina took greedily, shoving it in her mouth almost whole.

“Easy, don’t choke,” Tali helped her take a smaller bite.

“I can’t believe you’re a dad,” Shepard chuckled, “you never mentioned wanting kids.”

“I never thought I would get a chance to have them,” Garrus commented dismissively, “I’m sure much like you.”

“Yeah, I understand that.”

Vina happily chewed on her dinner, looking around the room with sharp violet eyes, it only took her a minute to fixate on Shepard, pointing at him and letting out a high pitch trill to Garrus.

“That’s Shepard,” Garrus answered, “a human.”

Another trill, and Shepard winced as his translator glitched, “is she actually saying words?”

“Sort of, it’s like baby talk. I can understand her but she’s missing some subvocals your translators need to understand her.”

Vina pointed to Shepard again, another trill.

“What does she want?”

“To come and see you.”

Vina swallowed her last piece of fruit and let out a louder trill, the humans around the table grimacing at the static in their ears.

“I’ll hold her, if she wants,” Shepard offered, “I had my cybernetics turned down, I can be gentle.”

“Sure,” Garrus stood, walking over to Shepard and carefully placing Vina in Shepard’s waiting arms.

“Hello there,” Shepard spoke softly, “you’re _very _little.”

Vina studied Shepard’s face, pointing to his nose and turning to Garrus.

“She’s trying to figure out your face.”

“Hmm,” Shepard pushed his plate out of the way, sitting Vina on the edge of the table, “what do you want to know?”

Vina pointed at Shepard’s nose again, inches from touching him.

“Nose,” Shepard supplied, gently touching Vina’s nose, “it’s how I breath and smell.”

Vina let out a trill and reached forward, grabbing Shepard’s ears.

“Ears,” Shepard brushed his fingers over where Vina’s flat ears sat on either side of her head.

Vina’s hands were in his hair next, much to the mortification of Garrus.

“Vina,” Garrus cautioned.

“It’s okay, it’s different for humans,” Shepard pointed to Vina’s short fringe, not touching, “it’s hair, like your fringe.”

Vina considered her next move.

“She’s adorable,” Steve gushed, “and so intelligent.”

“Turian’s mature faster than humans but grow slower.”

Vina changed tactics, pointing to her own cowl.

“Hmm, I’m afraid you have me beat there, beautiful. I guess the closest thing I have is my collarbone,” Shepard pulled his shirt down slightly, rolling his shoulder back so Vina could see the bone.

Vina pointed at her mandibles next, flaring them.

“I don’t have those either,” Shepard took Vena’s hand pressing it against his jawbone, “I have a closed jaw, only two bones.”

Vina stopped, pausing for a minute before erupting into a belly laugh, falling forward into Shepard and holding him tightly as she giggled.

James smiled, “you’re great with kids, Loco.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard her laugh like that,” Garrus’ voice was warm, his subvocals dripping with affection.

“I’m funny looking, I would laugh too,” Shepard held Vina close as she poked at him, reaching out a squeezing his arm.

She turned to Garrus with a small chirp, pulling a deep laugh from him, “she says you’re squishy.”

“Watch,” Shepard held his arm straight, putting Vina’s hand on his bicep, slowly bending his arm and flexing the muscle.

Vena trilled and clapped.

“She wants you to do it again.”

“So do I,” Steve winked at Shepard, “for different reasons.”

Shepard smiled, slowly flexing his arm again to the delight of Vina.

“When are you planning on having kids, Shepard?” Tali asked as she finished her drink.

“Whenever the boys are ready,” Shepard let Vina play with his hand, flexing and curling the fingers.

“You’ll make a great father,” Hackett nodded, “you’ve grown into a remarkable man.”

***

Shepard glanced down at Vina where she was curled up against his chest, frowning slightly.

“What’s wrong?” James noticed Shepard’s concerned expression.

“I think she’s shivering,” Shepard’s eyes flared blue for a minute, and he reached out to catch his N7 sweater as it came flying into the room, unzipping it and draping it over Vina, pulling the hood up to warm around her cowl.

“Turian’s are often cold when they sleep, our homes are kept warm.”

“Hot,” Tali corrected, “very hot.”

Vina shifted, looking up at Shepard with tired eyes.

“Tired?” Shepard asked, “want to see something pretty?”

Shepard held out his hand, palm level with Vina’s face, and activated his biotics, making a bright blue orb of sparkling light.

Vina smiled, reaching out for it.

Shepard brought his hand closer, letting Vina run her fingers through it with a contented hum of subvocals.

“What does that feel like?” Garrus tried not to sound concerned.

“Warm,” Shepard held his hand out for Garrus, “I’ll be careful with her, I promise.”

Garrus ran his hand through the orb, feeling a pleasant warmth from it, “I thought biotics were mostly to hurt people.”

“They are, but I’ve hurt enough people in my life,” Shepard looked up at the lights of the room, “Steve, can you turn the lights down to like 10 percent?”

“Sure,” Steve pulled up his omni-tool, turning down the lights until it was almost too dark to see.

Shepard’s biotics flared again, and the room filled with bright blue stars seemingly falling from the ceiling in a slow lazy decent before vanishing just before they landed on the people at the table.

Vina let out a small chirp, this one Shepard’s translators could pick up, “_wow_.”

“You know, Shepard, Turians and Quarians have this thing, I think humans call it a god parent?”

“Yeah?” Shepard prompted, not taking his eyes off of Vina.

“We were wondering if you and James would be Vina’s god parents.”

“I’d be delighted, babe?”

“Of course,” James agreed immediately, his heart feeling on the edge of explosion from watching Shepard with Vina all night, “absolutely.”

***

“I can’t believe you did that,” Garrus pointed to where Vina slept against his chest, “I’ve been up with her since we adopted her, and you just got her to fall asleep like it was nothing.”

“I’ve faced harder challenges,” Shepard commented absentmindedly, lost in thought.

“What happened, when you sent us away?” Tali asked softly.

James didn’t expect him to answer, shocked when Shepard did.

“I was given a choice, destroy, control, or synthesis.”

“What does that mean?”

“I could destroy the Reapers, control them, or do what I did, which was synthesis.”

“I would have destroyed them,” Garrus commented, “no question.”

“Then you would have died,” Shepard glanced at him, “it was the destruction of anything with cybernetics of any type, like the ones in your face. Like the ones that keep the Geth and Quarian’s alive. You would have destroyed the Reapers, yes, but you would also take the Geth, the Quarian’s, EDI, not to mention most of the Normandy crew out at the same time.”

“Why not control?” James asked.

“Absolute power corrupts absolutely,” Shepard shook his head, “that’s what the Illusive Man was going to do, and he wasn’t strong enough.”

“That’s because he was an idiot.”

“No, K, he wasn’t,” Shepard held his hand up as the people at the table began to protest, “a dick, a racist, a bigot, yes, but he _wasn’t_ an idiot. He had weighed the options, and he deemed that the best option. If _he_ couldn’t control them, they certainly would have corrupted me.”

“But you’re a different person, you’re stronger.”

“Maybe,” Shepard conceded, “but that’s a big risk to take.”

“So, synthesis?”

“Synthesis,” Shepard confirmed, carefully adjusting his sweater around Vina, “the only person to suffer from my decision was me, and for as long as I can manage it, we’ll have peace.”

“Big sacrifice,” Garrus offered.

“Worth it,” Shepard said as he looked down at Vina, “right here, right now, totally worth it.”

***

Vina let out a loud wail of protest as Garrus took her from Shepard, “now now, we have to go home. Give back Shepard his sweater.”

“She can keep it,” Shepard wrapped the black cloth more firmly around Vina’s form, “I don’t mind.”

“You wear that thing everywhere,” Tali protested.

“I can get another one. If she wants it, it’s hers.”

“You’re going to spoil her rotten, aren’t you?” Tali was smiling, James could hear it in her voice.

“You best believe it,” Shepard agreed, “thank you for bringing her to meet us, and letting me steal her for the night.”

“You’re on babysitting detail when we need a date night.”

“Glady,” Shepard took Vina’s outreached hand, “now, little lady, it’s time for you to go home and keep mom and dad awake _all night_.”

“Great, thanks for dinner Shepard.”

“You’re welcome, come by any time.”

***

Unlike their usual nights, which often saw Shepard waking up a few times either due to pain or nightmares, tonight it was James lying awake in bed, watching Shepard as he slept.

James brought his hand to trace the scar that followed the path of Shepard’s jaw, knowing it would wake him but selfishly wanting to see Shepard’s blue eyes.

Shepard stirred, looking at him, “okay, baby?”

“I really fucking love you, Loco.”

“I really love you too,” Shepard pulled James closer, running his finger’s through James’ mohawk, “why are you still awake?”

“Just…admiring you.”

“Yeah?”

“John?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I really want to have kids with you.”

Shepard’s hand paused its motions, just for a second, before Shepard answered, “we can do that.”

“Can we do that soon?”

“Yes, baby, we can.”


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well - this is it. It's done. Thank you all SO much who have stuck with me through this. The kudos - the comments - it's really made my last few months brighter. 
> 
> I have some one shots coming, just because I'm not emotionally ready to say goodbye to this little family I've made.
> 
> I hope you've all enjoyed reading this as much as I've loved making it for you.
> 
> Please note - this fic has been listed as AU - I understand that I took a lot of artistic liberties with N7, Shepard's backstory, and the relationships. If you're going to comment correcting me on these things, don't. I was aware that I had diverted from the canonical lore of the Mass Effect universe. This was by design. If you don't like it, you don't need to read it.

“I’ll miss you, baby,” Shepard kissed James, “let me know when you’re there and safe.”

“I will,” James promised, “make sure to take it easy, no going crazy because I’m not here.”

“I’ll be good, you’ve left me in good hands with the Lieutenant, he’ll make sure I behave.”

“Yes,” Steve agreed, “I will.”

The shuttle arrived and Shepard sighed, “I guess that’s your ride.”

“Yeah,” James pulled Shepard into a hug, “I’ll be back soon, and I’ll call you every day.”

“Okay,” Shepard squeezed James, kissing his cheek, “I’ll see you soon.”

***

Anderson was waiting for him as he arrived, stepping out of the shuttle to stretch.

“James,” Anderson greeted warmly, “I was half expecting to see at least one husband with you.”

“I’ve spent the last two days convincing John to stay home,” James pulled his bag over his shoulder, “he’s still a bit too sore to be traveling for only a couple days. He needs a few days for his leg to relax after a shuttle ride. He would have just been in pain if he came.”

“What about the others?”

“Kaidan has classes starting tomorrow, I wanted Steve to keep an eye on John.”

“Probably a good idea,” Anderson agreed, “let me take you out to lunch, and then we can get to work.”

“Sounds great.”

***

“Just one second,” Anderson paused on their walk home at the end of the day, “I just need to make a stop in here.”

“What is this place?” James asked, following Anderson through a set of large doors.

“Orphanage, a makeshift one at least. I try to donate every few weeks,” Anderson walked up to the front counter and James followed, looking around the clean front lobby mostly empty except for a few members of staff.

“Is he still going on about Commander Shepard?” an Asari asked a Human female who was working on a datapad, standing off to the side of the front counter where Anderson was busy speaking with a Turian managing the desk.

“Constantly, he’s convinced he’s going to come for him.”

“Who is?” James asked, apologizing as the woman jumped, “sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I’m Admiral Shepard’s husband.”

“Oh, nice to meet you,” the Asari greeted warmly, “it’s just one of the children here. He’s convinced that he’s on the Normandy crew and says that the Admiral will come for him since he lost his dad.”

James felt a looming sense of dread settle in his core, “what’s his name?”

“Lee Harrison.”

James staggered, and walked over to a nearby chair to sit heavily.

“Alright, son?” Anderson called from him from the desk, “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“_Dios mio_,” James took a deep breath, “David, I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

“What’s going on?” Anderson gave James his full attention.

“There’s a boy in there that Shepard just _adores_, he took him and his father up in the Normandy for a test ride a few months back when they were doing the retrofits. Apparently, his dad died recently, his mom died from the Collectors. John would never forgive me if I didn’t tell him they had Lee here.”

“Right,” Anderson nodded, “okay, head on back, I’ll deal with the class stuff here.”

“Okay,” James took another deep breath, walking over to the Asari, “tell Lee that James Vega was here, and that I’m going to get Shepard and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“What, really?”

“Really.”

“Did you want to tell him yourself?”

“Uh, yeah,” James nodded, “sure.”

“Just a minute,” she excused herself, walking through a set of double doors.

“You said John knows him?”

“Yeah, he paid off his dad’s medical bills. Lee interrupted the crew at lunch, Shepard was his dad’s hero. John took him under his wing as soon as he met him. Made him acting Commander of the Normandy, let him fly the ship. I think he saw some similarities, both losing their mom young.”

Lee came through the door with the Asari, his eyes lighting up when he saw James, bounding over.

“James!”

“Hey, Lee,” James kneeled, bringing them eye to eye, “I’m sorry about your dad.”

Lee’s bottom lip trembled, “is Shepard here?”

“No, he’s on Earth, we didn’t know you were here. I’m going to go back _right now_ and get him.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” James nodded, “this is Admiral Anderson, Shepard’s dad.”

“Nice to meet you, son. Are you doing alright here?”

“It’s okay…”

“Look, I’ll be back with John as soon as I can, okay? Can you hold on for one more day?”

Lee nodded, “you promise?”

“I promise.”

***

James hit the ground running, finding the nearest shuttle back to Earth and paying a small fortune to rent it for a return trip, calling Shepard on his way.

“Hey, baby,” Shepard greeted him warmly, “miss me already?”

“Yes,” James answered immediately, “I need you and the boys to pack a bag and be ready for me. I’ll be there in three hours.”

“What’s going on?” Shepard was immediately in response mode.

“I’ll tell you when I get there, but it’s big.”

“Are you hurt?”

“What? No. I’m fine. I’ll explain as soon as I’m there.”

“Okay, we’ll be ready.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

***

“Get in,” James called from the shuttle, waving at the men standing by the door, “come on.”

“James, what the hell is going on?” Shepard asked, only narrowly avoiding being knocked over as James jumped from the shuttle to grab his bag, throwing it in the back with little regard for the disgruntled pilot.

“Just get in, I’ll explain when we’re in the air.”

Once the shuttle had reached altitude James turned to the three, now panicked, men, “Lee’s dad died during the final assault. He’s in an orphanage on the Citadel.”

“Oh no,” Steve frowned, “he’s only just lost his mom.”

“That’s awful,” Kaidan agreed.

“Shit,” Shepard ran his hand through his hair, “I should have checked up on them while I was in the hospital.”

“You couldn’t have known, Loco. It was only luck that I found out when I was there with your dad.”

“So what are we going to do?” Steve asked.

“What do you mean what are we going to do? We’re going to go and get him. He’s part of the Normandy crew, we never leave anyone behind,” James looked to Shepard, “right?”

“You’re sure? You know you’re talking about adopting a kid _right_ after our honeymoon.”

“Of course I’m sure, John, shit. We’re not leaving him there. We both know what its like to lose your parents. Imagine growing up with no one? At least we had Emilio and David.”

“Boys?”

“John, come on, of course we’re going to support you in this,” Kaidan said, Steve nodding, “you would never forgive yourself if you left him.”

“Okay,” Shepard pulled up his omni-tool, calling Anderson, “Dad? Yeah, I know, I’m with James and the boys now on our way to the Citadel. What do I have to do to get him out of there?”

***

_Just landed, headed straight there -JSV_

_I’ll meet you there – DA_

Shepard turned to James, “what’s the fastest way there?”

“Skycab,” James called one with a wave of his hand, “I asked Emilio to make sure the apartment is clean and stocked with food, had him lock up our closet with all of the uh…adult entertainment…in case they come and do an inspection today.”

“This will likely take a few months, James, it’s not an instant thing,” Shepard got into the cab with a wince, rubbing his sore leg.

“You’re the human councillor, Loco, they aren’t going to make you wait.”

“I still have to go through the process, James.”

“We have to go through the process,” James corrected, “we’re both adopting him.”

“That’s if they let us.”

“Why wouldn’t they?” Kaidan shook his head, “you two are perfect.”

“He’ll be your son too,” Shepard commented, “we’re married.”

“Come on, it goes without saying that Kaidan and I are perfect,” Steve rolled his eyes, easing some of the nerves of the men, “it’ll be fine.”

The rest of the ride was done in silence, the men too nervous to come up with small talk

“It’s just up here,” James pointed, Anderson already outside waiting for them.

As the cab pulled to a stop James helped Shepard from the car, passing him his cane, “I’ll have the luggage sent to Emilio, he can put it away.”

“Okay,” Shepard turned to his dad, “hey, dad, fancy meeting you here.”

“Alright?”

“Nervous,” Shepard answered honestly, “but I’m not leaving him in there.”

“I wouldn’t expect you too, I told them you were coming, Lee is just inside the door.”

“Let’s go, Loco, our boy is waiting.”

Shepard nodded, walking through the front door, looking around the room.

“Shepard!” Lee shouted as he ran toward him, Shepard dropping his cane to pick Lee up as he ran into his arms.

Shepard let him bury his head against Shepard’s shoulder, “I’m so sorry Lee, I didn’t know you were here, or I would have come sooner.”

Lee held onto Shepard’s shirt in clenched fists, trembling, “I was scared.”

“Of course you were, that’s okay,” Shepard soothed, “I’m here, we’re going to get this sorted out.”

“James said you would come.”

“No, I promised he would come. Shepard’s never break a promise. Family rule number one,” James ran a hand over Lee’s back, “we’re here now, we aren’t leaving the Citadel without you, okay?”

“Okay,” Lee paused, “but I can’t go yet.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t leave Emma.”

“Who’s Emma?” James looked around the front entrance.

“Come on,” Lee slid down from Shepard’s grip, “I’ll show you.”

“Okay,” Shepard took Lee’s hand, shooting James a puzzled expression but following him through the double doors to the back. As they walked further into the hallway, they could hear a baby crying.

Lee turned two corners before walking into a small bedroom, a worried woman fussing over a crib.

“This is Emma,” Lee pointed at crib.

“Is she your sister?” Shepard asked, loud enough to be heard over the distressed crying.

“No, but I can’t leave her, we’ve been sharing a room, she likes me. I can make her calm down. I can’t leave her here.”

“That’s very brave of you,” Shepard commented, walking over to the crib, “do you mind?”

“Not at all, Admiral,” the woman shrugged, “good luck.”

“Come here,” Shepard reached in, carefully pulling a tiny human girl from the crib, supporting her head and bringing her to his shoulder, “what has you so upset? Did I borrow Lee for too long?”

Emma took a deep breath, in preparation for another loud cry, James was sure, but to his surprise it was quieter.

The next one quieter still.

Then she settled.

“Well, that’s better,” Shepard looked around the room, finding a chair and sitting heavily in it, “now, can I take a look at you, or are you going to shout at me?”

Emma fussed as Shepard moved her, setting her on his lap while keeping a hand at the top of her back to support her neck.

“Don’t fuss, I’m not putting you down, I just wanted to say hi,” Shepard wiped the tears from her face before smiling, “oh wow.”

“What?” James asked, walking over to stand next to Shepard.

“She is a perfect mix of K and Steve,” Shepard glanced up at the men, “if you two could have a biological child, this would be it.”

“Yeah?” Kaidan walked over too, “I can see it in her hair for sure, and her skin.”

Emma looked up at Kaidan, bright blue eyes meeting his.

“Oh _wow_.”

“Told you,” Shepard smiled, “aren’t you beautiful, darling, what are you doing here, eh? Can you turn a bit so Steve and dad can see you?”

Shepard turned Emma, letting her rest against his stomach, facing Steve and Anderson.

“She’s gorgeous,” Steve agreed, “and very young.”

“Four months,” the woman sighed, “she was found in the arms of her mother. No father on record. No other family. She only settles with the Asari staff or Lee. You’re the first person to ever pick her up and have her calm like that.”

“Interesting,” Shepard thought for a minute, “Lee, are you biotic?”

“I think so,” Lee concentrated, closing his eyes and furrowing his brow, a slight blue glow flashing over his hands, “my dad wasn’t sure.”

“Yep, looks like you are, I am too, so are Asaris. I’m willing to bet her mom was as well,” Shepard brushed Emma’s hair back from her face, smiling as Lee came over to talk with her, “she’s reacting to the smell of ozone we all have.”

“You see why I have to stay? I need to find her a home.”

“Yeah, I understand, Lee,” Shepard glanced at James, “we’ll figure it out.”

***

They had spent the afternoon with Lee and Emma, happily playing with the two children until the orphanage had told them visiting hours were over.

They arrived back to the apartment with not a word said since they had left Lee.

“Hey boys, where’s the new addition?” Emilio greeted.

“It’s complicated,” James shrugged, “lets get you fed, Loco, and we can start on a plan.”

“Okay,” Shepard agreed, “I’m going to grab a pain pill, I’ll be back.”

“Alright,” James made his way to the kitchen with Kaidan and Steve in tow, waiting for the upstairs bedroom door to shut, “you two thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yep,” Kaidan nodded.

“Pretty sure,” Steve agreed.

“Okay.”

“What’s going on?” Emilio asked as James started on dinner.

“Lee has kind of adopted a sister while he’s been there. He wont leave without her.”

“He’s what, eight? You could just make him leave.”

“John wouldn’t do that,” James shook his head, “this little girl depends on Lee.”

“She’s adorable,” Kaidan pulled up a picture, showing Emilio.

“Pretty as a picture,” Emilio agreed, “looks like you two.”

“We know, Shepard mentioned it.”

Shepard made his way down the stairs, limping heavily to the kitchen island and sitting heavily.

“I was thinking…” Shepard started.

“Let’s do it,” James answered immediately.

“Do what?”

“Adopt them both,” James turned to face Shepard, “they love each other, we’re not going to split them up, and we’re not leaving Lee there. We need to adopt them both, right?”

“Right,” Shepard agreed, “you’re all okay with that?”

“We were planning on filling the house with kids next summer anyway,” Kaidan considered, “what’s a few months early?”

“It was my idea,” James nodded, “let’s do it.”

“Lieutenant?”

Steve smiled, passing Shepard a datapad, “I had them load the application for both kids when I went to the washroom before we left. We’re not leaving that little girl behind.”

“Okay then,” Shepard took the datapad, “we’re all agreed?”

“Looks like it, John,” Emilio agreed.

“Let’s get started on this application then.”

***

“References,” Shepard read out loud, “who should we put down?”

James snorted, “the Council, the Primark, this is where you could name drop big time.”

“We could,” Shepard agreed, “but we’re not going too. It needs to be someone who could speak to our ability to parent.”

“Dr. Chakwas,” Kaidan suggested, “she watched you parent a ship of aliens.”

“Okay,” Shepard put Dr. Chakwas name in, “one more.”

“Bailey?” Emilio shrugged, “he likes you both, he would give a good reference.”

“Yeah, that’ll work,” Shepard scrolled to the next question, “net worth.”

“Lots.”

“They’re looking for a number,” Shepard swiped through his omni-tool, finding the number and entering it, “I think that’s it. Baby, take a look over and make sure I didn’t miss anything.”

“Sure,” James took the datapad, “how long will it take?”

“No idea, I guess the sooner we send the application the sooner we’ll find out.”

James took his time to read the application, correcting a few minor details before passing it back to Shepard, “looks good to me.”

“Ready to send it?”

“Let’s do it,” James nodded, moving to stand over Shepard’s shoulder as he clicked send.

“Now comes the terrible waiting game,” Shepard sighed, “this is going to drive me crazy.”

“We’ll make it through, John,” Kaidan reassured.

“I hope so.”

***

_Application in? -DA_

_Sent last night, just sitting with Lee and Emma now – JSV_

_Leave it with me – DA_

_Dad – let the process work – JSV_

_Sometimes, you have to work the process – DA_

“Dad’s working on it,” Shepard looked up at Steve where he was cuddling Emma, “who knows what favors he’s going to call in.”

“Does that mean we can go home today?” Lee asked from where he was building a tower with James.

“No idea, hopefully soon. You should be in school,” Shepard looked up as an Asari walked in the room.

“Admiral Shepard?”

“That’s me,” Shepard stood with some difficulty, “what can I do for you?”

“I’m Alessa, the site co-ordinator. We received your applications last night and I was wondering, given that you and your bond mate are here, if you had time for your first interview now?”

“Oh, sure,” Shepard agreed, “you two okay while we go?”

“Of course,” Steve nodded, “Emma is asleep anyway, Kaidan is a pro at building towers.”

Shepard grabbed his cane, following Alessa as she led them down the hallway, “I appreciate you making the time, I understand we kind of rushed in here and took over the place.”

“Honestly, Admiral, it’s a relief to see any applications,” Alessa held a door open and gestured for them to walk inside, “people are still recovering, there isn’t much interest yet in adopting. We need more room, there are perfectly healthy kids in the hospital because we don’t have space here.”

“That’s awful, is there anything we can do?”

“You’re doing it,” Alessa took a seat across from Shepard and James, “now, let’s get started. Can you please tell me a little bit about yourselves?”

***

“How’d it go?” Steve asked as they walked back in the room a number of hours later.

“She knows more about us than you two do,” James on the edge of Lee’s bed, “it was an interrogation.”

“I think it went okay,” Shepard shrugged, “I have no idea what I’m meant to be doing.”

“Can I come home with you now?” Lee asked Shepard.

“Not yet,” Shepard hung his cane on the nearby table and picked Lee up, “I’m trying to get this done as soon as I can, but it takes some time. Want to show me what you made with Kaidan?”

“Yeah!” Lee pointed at his tower, “it’s a mass relay.”

“It looks like one,” Shepard agreed.

It didn’t, but James couldn’t help but smile as Shepard sat on the floor with a wince to listen to Lee explain all the details of the lego relay, right down the Keepers who lived on it.

***

_I just had a call from an adoption agency, they interviewed me about you and James – KC_

The message came through a week into their stay on the Citadel, Shepard reading it out to the group as they sat at Apollos for breakfast.

“They called Bailey yesterday, Emilio told me,” James finished his coffee, “site inspection next?”

“I hope not, we don’t have a bedroom for both of them,” Shepard considered, “I could convert my office in the meantime.”

“I think Emma is small enough that they would be okay with her in our room for now, Lee can have the guest room and then we can add a bedroom for when Emma is bigger.”

“True,” Shepard agreed with Kaidan, “I’d want them on the same floor as us anyway.”

“We could give them access to the cameras, if they wanted. They could have a digital walkthrough.”

“Good idea, let’s ask Alessa,” Shepard checked the time, “we should go, visiting hours are soon.”

“Do you mind if Kaidan and I meet up with you?” Steve asked, “we don’t have any supplies for a baby in the house, we should do some shopping.”

“Sure,” Shepard stood, “put it on my account, no toy guns, please. Lee might like them, but I don’t trust my flight or fight reflex if he wakes me up in the middle of the night wanting to play cops and robbers.”

***

“It’s a beautiful home,” Alessa said as she reviewed the video feeds, “quite large.”

“We planned on filling it with kids anyway, this is just a little ahead of schedule,” Shepard pointed out the unfinished upstairs, “we’ll let Lee and Emma have their own rooms there, Lee can design his when we get back, Emma will have a standard nursery until she’s old enough to pick what she likes.”

“Lovely,” Alessa made some notes, “I’ll be honest with you, your application is near perfect and I’m pleased to put forward a recommendation that you adopt these two children. I’ll post my thoughts today, and then it will just need to be approved.”

“That’s great news,” Shepard beamed, “how long does that take?”

“A few days, a few weeks, I’m afraid I can’t say for certain. This process has already been hugely expedited.”

“We appreciate all of your help,” James watched Alessa submit their application, “hopefully we hear back soon.”

“It’s normal done by- oh,” Alessa checked her terminal, “well, I can’t say that I’m surprised that you have friends in high places, Admiral, but that was the fastest I’ve ever seen.”

“What?”

“It’s been approved,” Alessa passed a datapad to Shepard, “just need a signature and I’ll get to work transferring the documents.”

“Who approved it?” Shepard read over the document.

“Well, it’s normally granted by a judge, or a childcare expert. In this case,” Alessa scrolled through the screen, “Kaleigh Saunders approved it.”

“Holy shit,” Shepard laughed, “you don’t say.”

“Do you know her?”

“Yeah, I saved her class when Cerberus attacked, she’s also dating my dad,” Shepard signed the document, passing it to James for his signature, “my friend also works for her teaching biotic children.”

“Wonderful, that will be a great resource for Lee as he grows up,” Alessa took the datapad back, “well, I suggest you go tell your kids the good news, I should have this done within the next few hours. You can take them home tonight.”

“Damn, Loco, we’re dads,” James looked at Shepard in wonder, “real dads.”

“We sure are,” Shepard agreed, “we need to let the boys know.”

“Whose last name are they going to take?”

“Oh, uh, well Lee likely wants to keep Harrison,” Shepard looked to James, “what do you think?”

“Emma Shepard-Vega,” James considered, “how about we make Harrison Lee’s middle name, Lee Harrison Shepard-Vega?”

“Works for me,” Shepard nodded, “is that okay?”

“Perfect,” Alessa started on her paperwork, “now, off you go.”

“Hey,” Lee greeted as they walked into his room, “Emma is asleep.”

“Hey,” Shepard spoke quietly as to not wake the baby, “you need to pack.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re coming home tonight.”

Shepard couldn’t bring himself to be mad when Lee’s excited scream woke Emma, even if it took two hours to get her to settle again.

***

“Wow,” Lee gasped as he walked into the front entrance of the house, “I live here?”

“You do,” Shepard let James carry Emma, limping too heavily to forgo his cane, “we have a guest room for you for now, but we’ll have a room built for you over the next few weeks.”

“Can I look around?”

“Of course, just stay out of the closet in my office, okay?”

“Sure!” Lee took off running, taking the stairs two at a time.

“I’ll need to keep the office locked, I still have our guns in there,” Shepard limped toward the kitchen, sitting on one of the chairs, “I’m exhausted.”

“Well, welcome to sleepless nights,” Kaidan smiled, “she’s not going to be sleeping through yet.”

“I know, that’s okay,” Shepard looked over at the sleeping form in James’ arms, “she’s pretty, I’ll let her get away with it.”

“Looks like our order beat us here,” Kaidan commented, pointing out some boxes sitting near the garage, “I need to build that crib.”

“I can help,” James passed Emma to Shepard, “Steve?”

“I’ll make everyone a snack, it’s been a long day.”

***

The sound of Emma wailing woke Shepard with a start, James groaning and rolling over, “I’m so tired.”

“I’ve got it,” Shepard slid from the bed, picking up the wailing baby, “what’s the matter princess, hungry?”

Emma let out another loud scream, clenched fists going into her mouth.

“Hungry,” Shepard carried Emma from the room, making his way down toward the kitchen, “lucky for you daddy Kaidan made some formula ahead of time, because I can’t cook at all,” Shepard set a bottle into the warmer, setting a timer.

“John?” Lee’s voice came from by the stairs.

“In the kitchen, Lee,” Shepard called back to him.

“Is everything okay? I heard her crying.”

“She’s just hungry,” Shepard pulled the bottle from the warmer, testing its temperature before offering it to Emma, the house suddenly quieting as she started to drink, “she’s okay.”

“Good,” Lee hesitated, “can I stay up with you a bit? I can’t sleep.”

“Sure,” Shepard pointed to the living room, “lets go sit.”

Lee followed Shepard, sitting close to him on the couch, “do I have to call you dad?”

“No,” Shepard shook his head, “not if you don’t want too. I didn’t call my adopted dad, dad, for about five years. If you never want to call me dad, that’s okay too.”

“Will Emma call you dad?”

“Probably,” Shepard watched as Emma’s eyes started to close, “but she may not remember her parents, she was pretty young when she lost them. James, K, Steve, and I will be the only parents she knows. Just like she’ll always know you as her brother.”

“Thanks for taking her, too.”

“Of course,” Shepard smiled at Lee, “the best family you ever have is the one that you pick for yourself. You love Emma, we weren’t going to leave her behind.”

“Shepard’s never leave anyone behind.”

“That’s right,” Shepard assured, watching as Emma drained the bottle, “why do I feel like she’s going to be biotic? She already eats like one.”

Shepard shifted Emma, gently patting her on the back until she settled back into sleep.

“Thanks for coming to get me,” Lee kicked his feet, “my dad would be happy I’m with you.”

“I hope so,” Shepard felt himself choke up, “I’ll do my best to be a good dad, but I think you might have to help me, a bit.”

“Okay,” Lee agreed, “can we watch cartoons?”

“Sure,” Shepard turned on the TV, dropping the volume low to not wake Emma, “grab that blanket for me?”

Lee passed Shepard the large black and red blanket, a gag gift from Tali for their wedding, draping it over all of them.

That’s where James found them in the morning, waking up panicked to find Shepard and Emma gone, Lee missing from his bedroom. Running down the stairs to find Shepard asleep on the couch, Emma on his chest snoring softly, Shepard’s protective hand over her back and Lee curled up against Shepard’s side, drooling on Shepard’s shirt.

For the first time in months, James knew with absolute certainty, that everything was going to be alright.


End file.
